Let’s say, theoretically, I’m a pedophile.
I’m not stupid or evil, so I’m not gonna DO anything. I’m not even gonna look at porn, because the production of it involves child exploitation. I don’t even look at kids in public places.
So what the fuck should I do? Chemical castration? But I haven’t DONE anything and I don’t plan to. Am I obliged to tell anyone? Good way to lose friends. Can I keep babysitting my friends’ kids when they need a hand? After all, if I were into adult women, people wouldn’t see anything wrong with leaving me alone with a couple of those.
What the fuck do I do? Live alone and hope Japan starts producing affordable sexbots before I’m too old to care?
You know, theoretically. If I were a pedophile.
Knows It’s Wrong
“My heart goes out to people to whom nature has given something as powerful and as distracting as a sex drive and no healthy way to express it,” says Dr. James Cantor, a psychologist and the editor in chief of the research journal Sexual Abuse. “Pedophiles are not the only folks in this position, but they are by far the most demonized, regardless of whether they have ever actually caused anyone any kind of harm.”
My heart is going out to you, too. As I’ve written before, we should acknowledge the existence of “good pedophiles,” people like you, KIW, who are burdened with a sexual interest in children but who possess the moral sense to resist acting on that interest. It’s a lifelong struggle for “good pedophiles,” and most manage to succeed without any emotional support—to say nothing of credit—whatsoever.
Unfortunately, science doesn’t know much about pedophiles like you, pedophiles who haven’t done anything, because the social stigma is so great that most nonoffending pedophiles never seek treatment. And what research has been done, says Cantor, isn’t very encouraging if you’re looking to free yourself from your attraction to children.
“There is no known way of turning a pedophile into a nonpedophile,” says Cantor. “The best we can do is help a person maximize their self-control and to help them build an otherwise happy and productive life.”
The psychotherapies that are available, says Cantor, “were designed to assist people who have already committed an offense to prevent a ‘relapse.’ These therapies have less to provide to people who already have the skills and drive to keep themselves from ‘acting out.'” Your best option, according to Cantor, is one you’re clearly not too enthused about (and who can blame you?): “Castration, both chemical and physical,” says Cantor, “can indeed be used to eliminate or take the edge off one’s sex drive.”
If castration doesn’t “take the edge off” a man’s sex drive, I shudder to think what Plan B is. Back to Cantor:
“Nonoffender pedophiles have told me that chemical castration has given them considerable relief,” Cantor adds. “So it’s unfortunate that we use the term ‘chemical castration,’ which evokes all kinds of emotions. When you get right down to it, we are talking only about taking the same medication used by, for example, prostate-cancer patients—some cancers are accelerated by testosterone, so blocking testosterone is part of the treatment.”
And as for babysitting…
“It is true that a regular heterosexual man is not going to commit an offense against every woman he finds attractive. However, most women are capable of recognizing when an interaction is just starting to go south and of getting out of the situation. Most children are not. So although there is every reason to believe that there exist cats that can successfully be in charge of the canary, it’s not a very good idea for the cat to be the one making that call.”
So no babysitting for you, KIW—to protect the kids, first and foremost, but yourself as well. If it ever comes out that you are a pedophile and you were in the habit of babysitting-without-touching, your friends are unlikely to take your protestations—you’ve never touched a child—at face value.
“I wish I had better news,” concludes Cantor. “I also wish that more people did good research on this so that one day I could have better news to give.”
One of the reasons for the nomination of Pope John Paul II for sainthood is that he “whipped himself with a belt.” If that’s what it takes, why isn’t David Carradine a saint? What is the link between Catholicism and sadomasochism? As a former seminarian, Dan, can you explain?
When Holiness Is Painful
First, I was in the preparatory seminary—a high school for boys considering the priesthood—not a full-blown seminary, WHIP. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that some of my classmates were fully blown seminarians—there were an awful lot of priests around—but I didn’t go on to the full-blown seminary myself.
As for the link between Catholicism and sadomasochism, well, considering the way Jesus died, and the gruesome deaths of so many early Christians at the hands of Romans, what other choice did Christians have but to view suffering as evidence of personal virtue? And two thousand years of hearing about how Jesus suffered and died for our sins couldn’t help but have an impact on the erotic inner lives of the faithful. But BDSM predates Christianity—go read your ancient Roman sex comedies—so you can’t pin all the kinksters out there on the Catholics.
Speaking of whipped saviors: Mike Gerle was International Mr. Leather in 2007—and, yeah, his last name is pronounced “girly,” what of it?—and he’s had it with the goody-two-
shoeing of the gay BDSM scene. Leather bars are hosting more fundraisers than dark-and-cruisy beer blasts, and the guys entering leather-title contests today seem more interested in raising money for charity than BDSM sex.
“This has got to stop,” Gerle writes on Leatherati. “If for no other reason, it is driving the kinky men I want to hook up with out of the few spaces we have left. This is cock-blocking on an enormous scale.”
My two cents: I think the fading away of the anti-BDSM bigotry once so prevalent in the gay community—yes, in the gay community—and the advent of the internet have done more harm to the gay leather scene than Toys for Tots drives. Kinky guys don’t have to sneak into leather bars and pray that their friends don’t see them anymore; they can post personal ads at sites like Recon and GearFetish—and they do, in droves. And thanks to the destigmatization of kinks generally, and thanks to concepts like GGG (you’re welcome, kinksters!), kinky gay guys don’t have to limit themselves to other kinky gay guys.
Still, platitude-spouting leather-title contestants are contributing to the general lameness. Gerle has thrown down the gauntlet on Leatherati. And in Minneapolis, a young gay kinkster, disappointed by the leather scene, decided to do something about it. Check out his blog at
www.tynanfox.com for details.
Actually, in the referenced article, Dan was prevented by his lawyer from giving his initial response – telling a cougar who wanted a legally underage male to “GO AHEAD AND FUCK HIM” – so Dan came just as close as he legally could.
Dan’s benevolence principle for relationships is applicable in ANY “power imbalance” situation – the more powerful person always has the greater responsibility to look out for the interests of the less powerful person, and is generally required to put the less powerful person’s interests ahead of his or her own interests.
Note that a) relationship partners are NEVER precisely equal in “power”, and b) the “power” situation is constantly changing (for example, the formerly stronger partner could become hospitalized or bedridden), so Dan’s principle (benevolence is the only valid response to a power imbalance) is really a de facto universal rule of relationships.
An example of a good “power imbalance” relationship is Mary Kay Letourneau (34, a teacher) and Vili Fualaau (12, her student). They had two daughters together. Mary Kay spent 6-1/2 years in prison and Vili waited for her. As soon as she got out of prison, Vili legally challenged and successfully overturned the no-contact order. They promptly got married (Mary Kay was then 43 and Vili was then 22), they bought a house, and they are happily raising their two children together.
A question for Dan: what about FEMALE non-offending pedophiles? What can they do?
Again and again we come to consent, and i think the question has been satisfactorily answered: YES, A CHILD CAN CONSENT TO SEX WITH AN ADULT.
This is a fact so fundamental that it ranks with the great facts of human rights 1) Women and Blacks have the right to vote. 2) Women have the right to consent to sex. 3) Blacks have the right to consent to sex. 4) Jews are human beings. 5) Gays have the right to consent to sex. ….. and 6) Children have the right to consent to sex.
Fundamentally it’s a human rights issue. Anything beyond that is taking humanity away from children.
No, it saves humanity for children, for an age in which they won’t potentially harm themselves by hooking up with the wrong playmate.
Children can’t agree to a contract with an adult in any other arena. You’re only saying that they can in as regards children “choosing” to have sexual contact with an adult (with the understanding that most kids aren’t really choosing that, rather trying to sustain a relationship w/ an adult on whom they are dependent)because it makes your pedophilia less morally scary. Most times children also can’t get tried as an adult. Why is that? That is because our society recognizes that children are not capable to make those kinds of decisions with a full realization of their impact. Kids don’t have the life experiences to draw on when making decisions of that level.
A child is not legally the same as an adult when it comes to owning a gun, casting a vote, ability to wed, ability to be tried/punished, taxation/income & they have to go to school. If we “emancipated” children, they’d be home playing video games even later in their 30’s than they already are. Children can’t be “emancipated” usually, as usually the natural course of things – w/ a younger being dependent upon his or her parents – is the natural one. We don’t like to disrupt that order or those relationships without tremendous cause.
So legally, in every other way, we as a society have decided, children are to be nurtured, protected – and -, they’re not the same as adults. So they have legal protections. Legally, they can’t consent to a sexual relationship with an adult because the potential for harm is too great for the child.
I don’t see otherwise “proven” above at all. I see attempts at rationalization, fairly emotional words from adults who were abused as children & lots of ppl trying to genuinely weigh our their sympathy – imagine having a sexual desire you could never, ever, gratify – & their wrestling with the idea of pedophilia as a sexual identity, as vs. a problem/deviance.
I know personally several adults who had sexual contact with adults when they were very young. Not a single one of them initiated the contact, wanted it to happen or thought it was fun. All of them have dealt with varying degrees of conflict in their adult relationships as direct cause & effect fallout of what happened to them when they were children.
Yeah, you can’t project personal examples onto the whole population, yeah, anecdotal, blah blah blah.
There is not one “argument”, point of debate, etc, that makes it okay for an adult to look for sex or sexual contact with a child. Again, kids to deserve to have sex & sexual experimentation be at a pace that is natural & positive to them, with peers, not adult figures upon whom by default they are in some way dependent on.
Regular Slog Commenter,
A child does not need to be “legally the same as an adult” in order to consent to sexuality. The fact that you see children as video game playing monsters that somehow corrupt adults says a lot about your stunted and barbaric view of children and childhood.
It is a fundamental human right for children to be allowed to consent to sexuality. Just because you and “society” currently view children as less-than-human “things” in both legal jargon and hysterical opinions does not make your point of view correct.
Again, look at how women were once treated, at how Blacks were once treated, and Jews, and gays. No one is saying to let a child fly an airplane, what they are saying is to let children have a right to say either yes or no to enjoy sex.
If our society cannot both allow a child the right to his/her sexuality, and also recognize TRUE abuse of a child, then our society is sick and twisted and has utterly failed.
Yours is an opinion of the stone age that seeks to use children as political pawns, and advocate a violent ideology in the guise protecting children.
Good Child Lover; there are plenty of children around the world supporting themselves and/or their families by selling their bodies for sex or pornography. I’m sure the child street-workers in Thailand bring in more than their peers do, but i don’t hear anyone arguing that this makes it alright to go to Bangkok and hire one. You could certainly argue that they choose (disregarding the ones who are brothel slaves and have no choice, for now) to have sex with adults. But I don’t think you’d be able to argue that they benefit from that sex in any way.
I’m afraid your Russian tweens are just a more diluted version. Posing for photographs is LESS harmful than having physical relations, for sure, but I don’t think that the models would hug themselves with glee at the thought that middle-aged men are jerking off to their pictures. THAT is where the harm lies – in the realization that they are being utilized for other people’s sexual pleasure, even if they haven’t been told to pose in sexual tableau. Adults can consider the implications of being featured in pornography, because they have likely utilized it themselves and have some idea of what the images mean, and so can control their degree of degradation (if any). But before a child or young adult has reached a full awareness of what they are being party to, they cannot tell how they are going to feel once that realization hits.
This is why – issues of force and coercion aside, people are objecting to your pretty Russian boy photos.
Oh god, I wish I had read this sooner…
@ 237, oh god, no no no no.
Children’s bodies are not built for adult sensations. But if you manipulate it “properly”, you can induce adult sensations from them. It takes time, but it’s true, and it *fries your brain*. I cannot have an orgasm now, because of the trauma of too much sensation too soon. There *are* studies for that. Orgasm is NOT happy to a prepubescent.
I am actually all for children’s rights and I agree that just because their brains haven’t finished growing doesn’t make them mentally incompetent like current society likes to pretend, and I completely agree that children are far more sexual than we’re willing to allow them to be, but in a child’s way. Children are not supposed to have orgasm. Not. Not. Not. It’s why a boy’s first one, after years of rubbing himself (and they do, oh god do they), is nearly always such a surprise.
Jesus god, you’re the only one of the professed pedophiles here that have scared me.
I can’t believe any of this shit. I just can’t. I can’t even believe that anyone would sympathize with these monsters. This ‘anonymous’ pedophile is babysitting children and he’s going to FUCKING OFFENDS.
And you are sitting here, talking about children like they’re objects, like they would complacently agree to being impaled by sexual organs that are too big for them to support. How would you fucking like to be impaled and ripped from the inside? DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING CALL THAT PLEASURE? GO FUCKING IMPALE YOURSELF ON THE LARGEST PHONE POLE OUT THERE THEN CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU’RE ENJOYING IT.
YOU ARE ALL FUCKING SICK. THIS KIND OF ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE NEVER ENDING TORTURE OF CHILDREN IS THE REASON WHY THESE PIGS ARE, TO THIS DAY, ROAMING THE EARTH AND YOU HAVE SYMPATHY FOR THEM???
WELL FUCK SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE HAD SOME SYMPATHY FOR MY FOUR YEAR OLD SELF WHO WAS PLACED IN FRONT OF A TV AND MADE TO WATCH PORNOGRAPHY, BEFORE BEING THREATENED WITH A KNIFE AND RAPED.
DIE, ALL OF YOU SICK FUCKS.
I can’t believe this is the world I live in. All you pigs ever think about is what hole to stick it in, and you would argue in all senses and directions as long as it gets you to a place where you get what you want. You know what, let’s call serial killers misunderstood next. I mean, they only get off on violated and eviscerated flesh, they should have the right to satisfy their urges, right?
You don’t even understand that you are catering to sociopaths. I did not want my innocence taken away. I DID NOT WANT TO BE HURT. Had I HAD THE CHOICE I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN TO HAVE A CHILDHOOD!!! And I have to live with the nightmares, the inability to maintain a healthy relationship with a man, the constant anxiety that what was done to me would one day be forced upon my child if I am not vigilant enough. I wanted a life where I don’t have to constantly worry about the bogymen or wonder why so many men in my family hurt me. Why all men ever seem to do is hurt me.
I wouldn’t have known what sex was because I really just cared about my dolls and spending more time with my mother. I can’t believe Dan Savage ran this piece of shit letter. I can’t believe there are people here feeling sorry for these sub-human creatures, so absolutely ruled by their sexual desires that they would force themselves on a small defenseless child. WAKE UP its about power and control. It’s about robbing a child’s innocence. It has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with satisfying lust.
I guess the republicans were right after all: this ‘sex-positive’ attitude only opens the door to depravity. People like you, who would argue for the continued abuse of children around the world, shouldn’t belong in society. If you can’t keep your hands to yourself do everyone a favor and commit suicide.
Instincts speak louder than words, perhaps even louder than reason.
Why would the majority of parents kill before allowing their child to be exposed to a pedophile?
Instincts.
We are programmed, in most cases, to protect, not abuse our children.
A note to the pedophiles in this thread who argue for the right to have sex with children: I have never spoken to your kind since i was 7 years old, and this is quite nervewracking for me – but i can honestly, from the bottom of my heart tell you that any subtle interference with our bodies at such an age DOES damage us for life. I was ‘seduced’ by three young men at the age of 7, and i believed that i loved them and wished to please them in any way possible. Fast forward to my teens and i have suffered eating disorders, self mutilation, destructive sexual behaviours in an attempt to relocate muddled memories, suicide wishes, sexual disfunction and a disgusting urge to reject my womanhood.( i could list countless other issues)
Luckily in recent years (i am now in my thirties) i have learned to accept and love who i have become, but this is despite you, not because of you.
Also, on a final note, another obvious indicator that children are not remotely equipped to have sex would be their undeveloped bodies, ie, no sexual secretions, dryness, smaller built organs not accommodating to adult genitals. Puberty is an indicator of an approach to physical, sexual readiness, and even then a child ought to go through a period of slow, self discovery with his or her peers.
So, in essence, i was one of those cute little girls with the frilly skirt, large eyes and golden braids. I have been there, done it, and can safely assure you that your immature interpretation of my ‘consent’ was in actual fact my doom, my downfall.
1) very sad that the vast majority of people assume a sexual encounter between an adult and a child is automatically “non-consensual” and inherently damaging to the child. children are not mindless robots who understand nothing. they may not be developmentally able to do abstract math problems until middle adolescence, but they understand love and physical affection as well as any – perhaps more.
2) following from 1, it is unfathomable to me that society wishes for people with an attraction to children to “do something” to curb their urges. don’t eat for a day and then try NOT being hungry. repressing these desires is going to cause them to express themselves in a distorted manner, invariably worse than the original.
3) i guess everyone has forgotten Greek society (you remember them – they made unsurpassed strides in culture, science, math, medicine, architecture, philosophy, and music to name a few) where adult-child sexual relationships were the NORM, and because it was accepted there was NO damage to the child! the damage results from social beliefs which urge the child to believe they were harmed and causes the adult to resort to criminal activities to express their natural desires.
@tinuviel,
I had orgasm when I was like 5 so I don’t think that orgasm is harmful to children but it is fun. I don’t think looking at pretty Russian teen photos and jerking off is harmful either. I had sex with my boyfriends when I was 5 and now, when I grow up, I am not dissappointed. What I understand was that it was fun or just like playing a game. You too strict and too sensitive and that is why you disagree with me. Sex is a fun natural game for everyone at every age.
Child having sex with Adults activities had existed since ancient Greece and it is becoming something normal like taking hot bath with many childrens and the childrens wanna play and laugh and they can satisfy an older boy’s sexual desire. The kids were like alright we will gangbang you and make you feel good and the kids were having fun rather than crying or feeling sad. They are like beautiful angels ready to sexually satisfy you. It is a nature of being a kid.
1) Children do not have the awareness of their own sexuality, or of sexual situations, to make an informed decision about whether to have sex with an adult. PERIOD. Every case of child abuse I am aware of, through psychological and sociological surveys as well as personally, has resulted in incredibly damaging psychic scars. I’m talking ages 5-15 here, people. YOU ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF AND IF YOU HAVE ANY GOODNESS OR COMPASSION IN YOU, YOU NEED TO STOP. Maybe SOME children do have such awareness will be fine with it, but they are in a miniscule majority, and you have no way of knowing they won’t be fucked up by it in the future.
2) Chemical castration.
3) I know much more than you do about Greek society. I translated the Medea. I have read most of the classic Greek texts, some in their original language. PEDOPHILIA was not rampant, it was ephebophilia– 15-19 year olds for the most part, still very problematic, but much tamer– and nobody in their right mind who actually knows about Greek culture could say that Greek society wasn’t terribly fucked up in fundamental ways. Their treatment of slaves and women alone was horrendous. In this sense, Greek society is nothing to emulate whatsoever.
Hmm.
The pedophile question was interesting. He hasn’t done anything to actually hurt anyone, but I am still repulsed by him.
I am probably biased because of a fuckface who worked at the theatre I acted at when I was little who was caught with ridiculous amounts of child porn, but I just can’t garner a lot of sympathy.
I do wish him the best though, and envy Dan and the Dr’s ability to sympathize.
“I’m not even gonna look at porn, because the production of it involves child exploitation”
Would I be correct in saying that viewing the JFK assassination or the Trade Tower collapse, that doing so supports murder, since the production of these videos involved these crimes, seeing as how the media of crime could not exist without crime?
Thanks for this Dan. I’m in KIW’s shoes. Though I accept who I am and easily control my urges, it’s nice to see not everyone thinks I’m a monster.
For crying out loud. Mr Paedophile can seek out therapy to find out why he can’t get off with someone he can’t control. How ridiculous.
It’s like the old adage: “why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”
Boo hoo, you made it to your adult years and still can’t figure out how to relate to others. Self-esteem issues could do with some looking at as well.
It’s just another form of bullying others and to validate it in any way is supporting it.
GO GET HELP and THEN you will see that ALL aspects of your life will change for the better. No one else can do the work for you and no one can wave a magic wand to make it all better. I don’t even see it as “deviant” but as plain and simple, attention-seeking, self-esteem issues.
Geesh! What a burden to carry around the paranoia all the time. THAT, falls under the heading of attention seeking, drama vampire. Which takes us back to GO GET HELP from a qualified therapist and DO the work it takes to raise your opinion of yourself.
It all goes back to how the person feels about themselves. If you feel inadequate then you will naturally go for someone who can be victimised more easily. Work on the self-esteem and the need to victimise others will take care of itself.
you are an idiot bimble, pedophilia is not about control, is about being attracted to children! If it was about “control”, then “pedophiles” would be attracted to submissive women or even old people, after all they are 100% legal and safe and wouldnt be ostracized or hated.