You stop taking your meds. You feed your face. You continue drinking. You laze around or go to work or whatever the hell you do, until the grim reaper comes calling. And then you get to me, the ICU nurse.
Hey, I’m all for an adult beverage. There is nothing like a fabulous meal. Lord knows I’ve had my fun. But come on, people, get it together. You weigh 300, 400, 500-plus pounds? You’re on anti-depressants or blood-pressure meds, and you think it’s a good idea to just stop?
You’ve landed your ass in my ICU; if you want to live, act like it. Quit the whining, the crying, the passive-
aggressive manipulative behavior that got you here. I’d love to see you get well, but only if you want to. Otherwise, I don’t give a fuck. I’m not your cheerleading squad, I’m not your coach, and I’m not your fucking mother. So take a moment, get over yourself, and make the decision: Do I want to die? Because otherwise, you’re wasting my time and my other patients’ time. Right now, you’re just job security to me.
oh, and #49:
having and acting with compassion, and expressing frustration are not mutually exclusive, indeed, the one can make maintaing the other possible.
Why does it always seem to make people feel better about themselves to look down on other people?
Over a very difficult five-week period, a team of ICU nurses turned me from something only barely distinguishable from corpse, with an unmeasurably low blood pressure, back into a real person with a chance at a full life again. Which I took. I fucking love ICU nurses. A large fraction of the people admitted to ICUs die there, despite the best efforts of the entire Unit staff and the fierce desire of the patient to live. After they lost a tough one, I heard the nurses crying, sometimes, when they thought I was uncounscious. Yes, even the seemingly hard-bitten one like I, Anonymous, here. If s/he wants to vent about a difficult patient, that’s fine with me. And you, Clarity, you can go fuck yourself.
I am glad this proffesional has such a nice place to vent their frustration.
Great IA! Finally.
To you asshats telling her/him to just quit already:
This person has every right to bitch about human blobs that won’t do a damn thing to help themselves, meanwhile expecting nurses to move their HUGE, GIGANTIC, FAT asses for them, be it ICU, or ER.
I’m from a family of nurses and Dr’s, and taking care of the morbidly obese is one of the great challenges of nursing. GET THIS ASSHOLES: try being a 110lb nurse, hoping to turn a 300-500lb patient over without harming yourself- it can’t be done, and if it is (without harming the nurse) it leaves the nurse with horrible neck, back and shoulder pain for weeks. Then you get another one next week. Wish I had a dime for every time I’ve rubbed a back or heard how hard it was to give basic care to the obese- I could retire.
Right on, IA! Glad you could come here and vent. We love all you do for all of us- please don’t quit.
I so know the person who inspired this rant…
Great IA! Finally.
To you asshats telling her/him to just quit already:
This person has every right to bitch about human blobs that won’t do a damn thing to help themselves, meanwhile expecting nurses to move their HUGE, GIGANTIC, FAT asses for them, be it ICU, or ER.
I’m from a family of nurses and Dr’s, and taking care of the morbidly obese is one of the great challenges of nursing. GET THIS ASSHOLES: try being a 110lb nurse, hoping to turn a 300-500lb patient over without harming yourself- it can’t be done, and if it is (without harming the nurse) it leaves the nurse with horrible neck, back and shoulder pain for weeks. Then you get another one next week. Wish I had a dime for every time I’ve rubbed a back or heard how hard it was to give basic care to the obese- I could retire.
Right on, IA! Glad you could come here and vent. We love all you do for all of us- please don’t quit.
Sorry for the double post.
All I read was ‘I HAVE BURNOUT’. If this is your attitude about your patients they’ll know it. Time for you to get into another type of nursing or get a desk job. You’re lacking the required compassion for our profession and making us look bad.
All I read was ‘I HAVE BURNOUT’!
If this is your attitude towards your patients then you need another job.
I’m more worried about you.
Anon,
Self-destructive people can be frustrating. I have a sister who has been talking about getting her high school GED for the past 17 years but never got it, and probably never will, in spite of all the help she’s been offered. But some people, either because of brain deficiencies or mental problems, don’t seem to have the same capacity to learn from previous mistakes as others do. Instead of getting angry, just be glad you are not like them! Imagine how horrible it would be to repeat the same mistakes over and over, and be unable to learn from that. These people have horrible lives and as you already know, sometimes die younger as a result. Just do the best you can for them, be glad you are not them, and enjoy being able to help the people who are capable of accepting help.
I think this comment speaks to more than obesity. It speaks to people who don’t take responsiblity for themselves (i.e those with high bp and stop taking their meds). Then when faced with the results of their irresponsiblity they blame, complain and continue to engage in the same behavior. Difficult people to take care of, I’m sure. Before I judge I’d need to walk in their shoes (and I’m not sure I’d want to).
@7- Like @15 said, you’re already paying for them. I just want to add that under a socialized medical system, you’d be paying less for them.
Totes on board with that assesment, @63.
And @47, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Best friend? On the flip side of the situation, I got to spend some lovely days in the hospital with my cancer-stricken uncle who was also dealing with MS. So, the always gentle and patient nurses would attempt to get him to go along with the physical therapy, only to be met with a barrage of nasty language and the attitude of a bratty child. He can’t walk anymore because he patently refused to do the physical therapy. He knew this would happen, but he chose instead to verbally abuse the nurse who were trying to help, because he was frustrated and angry about being in the situation at all.
Of COURSE he was angry and upset and frustrated by the sheer unfairness of being stuck in a hospital, beset with horrible illnesses, but still. I was embarassed by the shit that would come out of his mouth toward nurses…this is a job, and doing a job that requires the utter cooperation of your “clients” can never be easy.
This anon speaks eloquently from a perspective that the rest of society never sees.
For us, it’s the disgusting fatty who declares that they are ~healthy fat~ to our faces when criticized
—->for this anon, it is that same fatty on the brink of dying whose reality is crashing around them
For us, it’s that drunk guy in the bar who IS FINE, IT’S YOU THAT HAS THE PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST HAVING FUN
—->for this anon, it is that same drunk on the brink of dying whose reality is crashing around them
We all know these people, these manipulative, self-excusing people who wriggle their way out of every ounce of introspection and responsibility.
Dealing with these slabs of fat on their death beds while they blame others must be exasperating.
Totally understand and agree. I’m a social worker and while I strongly believe in what I do, it is SUPER frustrating to have clients that just continue down a destructive path depite all the help they’ve been offered. While this doesn’t affect the quality of the work I offer or the fact that I generally like what I do, it sometimes makes for a frustrating day. Not to mention the fact that people like teachers, nurses, social workers are often underappreciated by those we do help.
To Anonymous:
I’m sorry you have to deal with the bullshit decisions others make. You see the worst of it. Thank you for dealing with our societal bullshit. You don’t get paid enough for the crap you have to deal with.
(Remember to vote to raise the tax on sugary drinks)
I think this speaks to a lack within Anon’s workplace: nurses, social workers (I am one), case managers, etc. should have a system of support. They should have professional supervision, preferably from an outside source, where they can vent about this. It’s called “self-care,” it’s a basic tenet of the helping professions, and it’s wholly inappropriate to take to blogs/newspapers to vent about it. There are options for you, Anon, and you chose the unethical one.
@48 said it better than I could have, but let me add this:
My mother is a nurse and I’ve worked in a hospital doing medical records on nurse front lines. I see and know what you do.
It must be so hard working as a caretaker and trained to make people well, and then patients refuse to do it on their end. You cannot force them to exercise, or eat better, or take their meds. And you are stuck in this place where it starts to feel like an abusive relationship where you are the enabler to their self destruction.
Please remember that you are loved and needed and to most people, an angel who has saved them. Sometimes it’s immediately obvious in a big way, other times it’s small and takes time for them to come around, and for some there is no chance. Let them go. You are not responsible for every person’s life and outcome. Let them go.
Maybe she should find another line of work. WE do not need judgemental nurses. That is the base reason why luing cancer has the least finacial support for resaerch. Because they deserved it! – What a cunt!!
I really feel for this nurse, but I hope that the venting ends here and isn’t actually taken out on her patients, because there’s nothing more scary to a patient than feeling like your doctor or nurse isn’t treating you properly because they don’t respect you.
I’ve had this happen a couple of times. Once my acute appendicitis went undiagnosed because a doctor questioned whether I could actually be in real pain because I happened to be eating a brownie when she walked in. She didn’t bother to run any tests but informed me that it was mostly likely just a cyst due to having gone off the pill.
Suspending judgement is difficult in any job but it’s extremely important when it comes to healthcare, because your dismissiveness based on your presumptions about a person can actually harm them.
On your side, Anon. Professionalism is about not letting your emotions get the better of you when delivering your services; it isn’t about not having any emotions at all.
I work for a labour organization, and I hear a fair amount about the physical and medical dangers nurses face. Try sedating a violent or unstable patient without stabbing yourself, getting bitten, kicked, punched, or spit (potentially disease-ridden) in your eye. Christ.
And honestly? Even a surly nurse is better than no nurse at all.
Oh IA, darling. I have been there. We usually go into nursing to help people and after a certain amt of time we come to discover that when we do help others, often times they dont want helped or feel you should help them MORE or frankly fight off the help.
Those golden moments when we actually help and the person is grateful are small in number. That tends to make nurses grumpy on occasion. I am glad IA had this place to rant while no doubt providing good patient care;
at a certain point, we find we can provide good patient care even though we may NOT care anymore. Chances are the longer your nurse has been one, the less she cares; or perhaps the more chosey she is in who she does more than deliver care to.
Dollars to donuts, this letter writer is an LPN, basically an administrative assistant who does MINOR medical procedures (with student debt). There’s a reason why the majority of LPNs I’ve ever dealt with were borderline incompetent and had nasty attitudes. Unlike RNs and NPs, they have a low bar for getting into the job and they will never, ever progress in their careers beyond taking shit from patients.
The illustration would be better with buzzards circling, although they probably don’t allow buzzards in the ICU.
I find it amazing that, even in light of allll the recent news coverage and videos addressing bullying, there are people in this and many other Stranger comments feeds who seem more than willing to bully others with great relish. Too bad, really.
Hey @ 75 –
My mother was an LPN and a damn good one. She not only nursed her patients, with a work ethic that would put you higher learning heifers to shame, but also her children, her parents, her extended family, and everyone else who ever had a need for someone who cared, would do your dirty work, and who knew what they were doing. How dare you! While your ass is walking around with a clip bored and sitting behind the desk, nurses like my mother were ones getting down and dirty and meeting the patients moment to moment needs.
You just want to sit in your ivory tower and try to distance your rank from someone who you think brings discredit to the profession. There was not a damn thing my mother didn’t know about the human body, how it worked, or how to take care of it. And most of the shit she ever had to take was from b!tches like you who thought you were better than she was. Take a long leap!
Mental illness sucks. Speaking as a person that has an easier time holding my hand over a flame than behaving rationally sometimes, I have empathy for just about everyone.
For all you mentally healthy people out there, try to imagine the urgency and drive you have for sex or food or air applied to self destructiveness or counting doorknobs or drinking booze. Try to imagine what it’s like to have the most annoying demanding person you’ve ever met talking in your ear every waking hour, and you can’t get rid of them because they’re not physically there.
Most people don’t know what it’s like to have to be forced to be a passenger in their own bodies and behavior, so they use that as an excuse to pursue the highest calling in most people’s lives; feel superior to others.
Oh, and…
@7 You would rather half of the money you spend go to advertising, profits, and CEO bonuses? That’s what you’re advocating. You already pay for every fucked up fuck up’s health care. Why not pay less for better service?
Oh, and I’m always nice to my nurses and doctors.
@gijo by the bay: “That is the base reason why luing cancer has the least finacial support for resaerch”. really…you went there how? judgemental? really? cunt? you would know.
Anon, I feel for you too. As someone who has been inside hospitals for my entire life due to various illnesses, I’ve seen the bullshit that you have to deal with. Thank you for being there for us.
And to all of those who use their mental illness as a rationale for their bad behavior, I too have attempted to kill myself on multiple occasions and guess what? I was a jerk to the nurses for the first few days . . . and it was INEXCUSABLE. It doesn’t take much to think a little bit about how you treat those around you, especially when these nurses are faced with horrifying situations day after day. That’s pretty hopeless and we should be glad that THEY don’t have depression.
@75-Judgemental much? Do you really think that a lesser education = an incompetent worker? My mother only had her high school degree and she basically runs the highway department that she works in. Education doesn’t mean anything without experience and on-the-job training.
@stella-Tell your mom thanks for being amazing.
that nurse is has her own set of problems. as a fellow healthcare professional (dr.) it is our job to help people when they are sick, not judge them. when someone is in the hospital they are here for medical treatment. the last thing someone sick enough to be in the ICU needs is someone who thinks they “deserve” to be here. life is difficult sometimes, sometime people are struggling, so quick acting like you are doing them a favor by taking care of them and do your job. drop the attitude, plaster on the fake smile and help get better without acting like a bitch
The writer needs to seek help. She seems to be burning out, and needs to address that before her work suffers (if it hasn’t already). I mean, fuck, you should have checked yourself before you got to the point of writing angry rants to the newspaper.
Patients have a right to stop their meds. It’s the patient’s body- the patient’s life- not yours. You don’t have to be the patient’s mother, but you do need to provide competent, compassionate patient-centered care. You are pissed that the patients don’t take care of themselves, but I would argue that you sound like you haven’t been taking care of yourself as a health care professional. And just as it’s not your fault that the patient stops his meds, it’s not the patient’s fault that you’ve allowed yourself to burnout.
It’s kind of amazing how much people hate fat people. The anonymous nurse mentioned several different types of self-destructive behavior but most of the comments focused on ‘disgusting fatties’ as one person called them, and quite a lot of anger was expressed. You don’t see that kind of anger toward drug addicts or alcoholics – there’s something about fat people that’s scary and when people get scared they get angry. It’s actually exactly the same mentality that causes the persecution of LGBT kids because something about their differentness is seen as threatening.
@84 agreed.
totally, 84. Seems like pretty much any long comments section on the stranger these days eventually takes a turn for the “fatties are disgusting” theme.
You can’t be a care-giver if you don’t give a shit.
And don’t forget about the smack addicts who are ‘afraid of needles’ when it comes to something like a simple lab draw!
alcoholics don’t destroy your health, just their own. Turning obese people can literally break your back.
Clearly there needs to be a better solution to lifting/ turning than a nurses back. We live in the 21st century here, we can’t get machines to do this shit?
We do have machines — Hoyer lifts, etc. — to do this shit. But every day I see nurses and aides voluntarily turn/lift patients by themselves rather than use one of these machines. It seems to be a badge of honor for a nurse to have back and shoulder pain, an excuse to bitch to his/her colleagues about having to lift the fat patient. Weird.
I don’t think this nurse has burn out. I think she just doesn’t like some one who created their own misfortune and loudly demands others pander to them when it will most likely injure the caretakers or require much more time than necessary to do every exact thing he/she wants that he/she wouldn’t do for themselves while another patient who came in because of a car crash/motorcycle accident/shooting/snake bite/carbon monoxide poisoning/and/or other act of god who needs help, who didn’t cause their own downfall, who can hopefully come back and rebuild their life after a tragedy – has to wait while leach of the year has made you turn them five times to get “comfortable” and berated you for reminding them of their mother and asked you seven times why hospital food sucks and when you give them even a slight reproach for any one thing like say coughing directly on you, they curse you out for ten minutes, throw things, or call your manager … again, while a real person with real person waits.
That’s not burn out. That’s being stuck unfairly for twelve hours being responsible for a total waste of space. And don’t even go into the mental health aspect. You can be crazy and not be a huge asshole. And you can be crazy and be a huge asshole who obviously can’t help it. Or you can be a gigantic steaming turd with no deficits in reasoning who destroys themselves for fun, which is what this guy/girl sounds like.
And yeah, an anonymous rant to blow of steam to people who are not the patient is a fine way to take care of your own mental health.
#10 Who pays for their visits? WELL… I was in the emergency room once, and this evidently mentaly ill, ‘street alcoholic’ as you called them comes in. Harmless type, knows many of the staff’s names, says hi to everyone… I ask how he know everyone and get the skinny. He acts injured and helpless, some kind soul calls an ambulance, and he comes in 2-3 times a month. I add it up, rounding down(what else is there to do in the WAITING, and waiting, and waiting room?), and figure out he costs Alameda County/City of Oakand about $200,000 a year. Thanks for tossing these types out into the street Reagan.
Dude really just seemed lonely!
@84, I think you’re simplifying things a bit. I agree that there is a lot of hate directed towards fat people, and while I don’t think that’s OK, I also don’t think it’s stemming from fear of people who are different. I think it stems from people being grossed out by obesity. I try to be tolerant and open-minded, but frankly, when a person who is literally twice my size sits next to me (and by extension ON me) on the subway I start to feel a little resentment stewing. Same goes for when I’m on a plane, or when I’m trying to walk quickly and am stuck behind a slow moving person the size of a small elephant. I imagine a lot of people feel a similar resentment, and it builds into a hatred. Most fat people are not fat because of a gland problem or a thyroid condition. They are fat because they sit in their asses and eat tons of food, and while I KNOW what a struggle food addiction can be, part of me still wants to say, get off your fat ass, get some fucking exercise, and stop eating 20,000 calories a day. (Yep, I am a bitch.)
The comparison between bigotry towards fat people and bigotry towards gay people always irks me. Being fat IS actually a lifestyle choice. A lot of other factors go into it, no doubt, and that doesn’t make it OK to be bigoted towards fat people. But being gay is NOT life choice; it’s just who someone is. A gay person cannot change their diet and start running and gradually become straight, and nor should they want to. Being gay is not unhealthy. Being fat is though- that’s just a fact. And a person can do things to stop being fat.
People get pissed at fat people because they are grossed out and annoyed by them. I don’t think it’s because they are scared, and I don’t think gays and fatties are in the same boat.
@84, I think you’re simplifying things a bit. I agree that there is a lot of hate directed towards fat people, and while I don’t think that’s OK, I also don’t think it’s stemming from fear of people who are different. I think it stems from people being grossed out by obesity. I try to be tolerant and open-minded, but frankly, when a person who is literally twice my size sits next to me (and by extension ON me) on the subway I start to feel a little resentment stewing. Same goes for when I’m on a plane, or when I’m trying to walk quickly and am stuck behind a slow moving person the size of a small elephant. I imagine a lot of people feel a similar resentment, and it builds into a hatred. Most fat people are not fat because of a gland problem or a thyroid condition. They are fat because they sit on their asses and eat tons of food, and while I KNOW what a struggle food addiction can be, part of me still wants to say, get off your fat ass, get some fucking exercise, and stop eating 20,000 calories a day. (Yep, I am a bitch.)
The comparison between bigotry towards fat people and bigotry towards gay people always irks me. Being fat IS actually a lifestyle choice. A lot of other factors go into it, no doubt, and that doesn’t make it OK to be bigoted towards fat people. But being gay is NOT life choice; it’s just who someone is. A gay person cannot change their diet and start running and gradually become straight, and nor should they want to. Being gay is not unhealthy. Being fat is though- that’s just a fact. And a person can do things to stop being fat.
People get pissed at fat people because they are grossed out and annoyed by them. I don’t think it’s because they are scared, and I don’t think gays and fatties are in the same boat.
I think SweetG has the most sane, unbiased, and balanced outlook on this. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words so precisely.
fake
Great letter, Anon. I hope everyone who reads this and goes to the ICU is nice to the nurse and cooperative, though I know most aren’t. They deserve much more than they get paid solely for the crap they deal with.
You’re the only thing standing between us and death, Anon — and I’m glad you’re there.
until you’ve been injured by your patient… STFU people.
Judgment is SO much easier than tolerance and understanding, I agree. Funny how you, I, Anon, are the lazy one there. Tolerance for things one doesn’t understand is hard though and not everyone can swing it, I get that. I guess lazy is in the eye of the beholder…and I find intolerance laziest of all!
@94 I like how you start off by saying hating fat people is wrong and then go on a long diatribe about how you hate on fat people. I suppose that’s honest, if inconsistent.
Our society has a real problem. Poor people, who may work physical jobs, get shitty calorie dense nutrition and get fat. Middle class people work long hours in sedentary jobs, don’t know how, or have time to cook. So they eat shitty farm-bill produced HFCS convenience food.
We don’t teach meaningful physical fitness in schools. Not outside of the sports paradigm, anyway. Unless your a naturally talented jock, kids don’t get any encouragement or outlet for physical expression. Not to mention school lunches are shit.
Really. Kids don’t stand a chance and get obese before their out of middle school. And once you get a certain percentage of body fat on you that young? You’re kinda fucked.
Anyway. Anonymous is not hating on this person for being fat. Or really hating at all. But rather expressing fatigue at this person for being a repetitive drain on her limited resources. And compassion has it’s limits when you have to triage. After all; Taking all this effort to save a lost cause can lead to the death of somebody else. That’s the stark reality of our health care system.
Fucked up all round.
Telling clinically depressed people to “get over themselves”? If only treating depression were that easy.