You are pretty. I am jealous. Most of us grow up watching fairy
tales on TV or reading them in books and seeing the ads glorifying what
a woman should look like. Then one day we fucking realize that we are
never going to be that prince or princess. Our bodies won’t allow it.
And it’s heartbreaking. Then we have to pick ourselves back up and face
who we are, and learn to love who we are despite what our culture
glorifies. And then you walk in with everything handed to you
based merely on your appearance. You hardly have to lift a
finger—let alone develop an interesting personality—to get
by. It makes me sick. YOU make me sick. I have no doubts that you have
your insecurities; in fact, you may have more than some. I’m sure that
you have heard the words “very pretty, but not very bright” whispered
more than once. I almost wish I could have heard that myself. I will
console myself with the fact that you are an intellectual vacuum. recommended

120 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  5. MUCH better I anonymous! I will say this though. I hear stories about pretty people all the fuck time. And more often than not (like 85% of the time), they are just stories made up by catty jelous girls who have no fucking clue what they are talking about.

    A take my gossip like my horroscopes, entertainment purposes only and NOT vaild testimony. It is incredible until they bring in the videotape.

  7. She won’t be pretty forever. Nobody is. Provided she reaches her old age with out landing a super loaded dude with change for cosmetic surgery it is a sure thing. But even if she is pretty forever, the important (more)intellectual realities that you supposedly are in touch with have not made you any less shallow than she.

  8. Sucks to look like a normal person eh?
    I know a super super hot girl who’s really nice. She dates total duechebags, because those are the only guys who have the courage (or whatever) to ask her out.

    Think about it. I don’t go for the SUPER HOT guys, becuase I figure I’ll have to compete for them, and I’m not up for that. So I go for the average ‘cool’ guys.

    Hot ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

    Count yer blessings.

  12. and guys flirting with and ‘helping’ pretty girls are sometimes the only ppl being nice to the pretty girls… you perpetuate your own stereotype mean lady.

  14. …then one day, richard cory put a bullet in his head.

    this was a waster… if i could meet the person who took the time to write this all out, being anonymous and shit, i’d gladly push their wheelchair into the river. then i would have a .000001% better chance of hitting the lotto.

  17. Don’t expect any male to understand. They have no idea what this is like. I feel you girlfriend !
    Just think of people who are sexy just because of confidence. Tom Petty, Chrissie Hyndes, etc. Both totally hot but not conventionally good looking.
    I understand, whether I am hotter than you or not.

  20. Wow, “Anonymous”, sounds like you got shortchanged on looks and personality…and (I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here) probably brains too. At least the pretty girl has something to get by on.

  22. whoever it is that picks out the content needs to get a grip and start printing stuff that’s worth reading or stop putting this column out altogether. it really gets more dull each week.

    oh, and to the ugly girl, sorry that you are ugly. you might also want to consider choking on a sandwich–to put yourself and everybody that has to look at you out of their misery. in the meantime, why don’t you give me the number of the pretty one?

  24. There’s nothing quite like the relief of finding out a gorgeous person is as dumb as a bag of hair. And by god do we do our best to keep them there.

  25. I was friends with a girl who looked like Amber Valetta’s twin when I was in college… a more miserable person I have yet to meet, even with everything handed to her on a platter. But from the outside, yeah, a lot of girls envied her. Oddly enough, I’ve had several friendships with stunningly pretty girls, and they tend to me more insecure then the average chick- wouldn’t YOU be, if you suspected people only put up with your shit because of your looks?

  26. I just think the whole “Taliban-style acid attack” thing is really tasteless. She’s taking several women’s tragedies and turning them into a joke for hypothetical revenge.

    And what the hell is up with some of these comments? I imagine they’re from guys who still think it’s hot to bleach the tips of their spiked up hair. These are also the same guys who get really upset when their white Adidas shoes get dirt smudges…

  27. The most maddening thing is when you run into people that look pretty much perfect and have a *fantastic* personality.

    They’re smart, successful, have a good sense of humor, and are generally kind and humble. They’re not perfect, but what flaws they have are relatively innocuous. They’ve earned everything they’ve gotten from the world, and there are virtually no chinks in their armor. There’s no facade.

    That shit sucks the worst, because they don’t even allow you the courtesy of hating them to make yourself feel better, because they’re just too goddamn likeable.

  28. When are you, The Stranger, going to run a letter from a reader and not staff-written to a cliché? Throw in some details to make it at least seem like it’s about a character–or a real person–and not just some free-range malaise.

    You waste peoples’s time with your platitudes.

  29. Tom Petty, Chryssie Hynde: shining examples of PETA pussies–sorry, land trout–and sciencefictionology.

    Stella’ example of shooting your point in the foot

  30. Done! I’m through with this column. A good idea gone bad. Whine, whine, whine. Get the FUCK over yourself!! There is some real shit going down and you come with nothing better than a “I’m never gonna be pretty” pity party?! What the hell is wrong with you?

  31. …and I will console myself with banging the hot chick while you sit around watching Project Runway sharing a bag of double-stuft Oreos with your cats.

  32. Seems to me you’d be all too happy to switch places with this girl. Personally I’d rather spend time with a nice, pretty, vapid girl (although not too much time) than with a bitter girl who’s obsessed with the pretty, vapid girl enough to write to a newspaper complaining about her for a paragraph. Way to go!

  33. Agnes DeMille said “Dance in the body you have”. Case in point, fixating on other people (and your erroneous assumption of their superiority) will only make you miserable. Get some self-respect and focus on developing an individual who doesn’t wallow in self-pity and indulge in public passive-aggressive attacks.

  39. I fucked this bitch doggy style after she begged me for some lovin’ at some Pioneer Square dive a few weeks ago. She was whinin’ about the gaggle of Super Models hangin’ out at the end of the bar vacuming up free booze, and I had to stuff my shlong in her gullet just to shut her up. Loozer beee-otch!

  40. I am always surprised (and by now, I really shouldn’t be) by the amount and depth of envy people possess. I cannot imagine going through life evaluating every person, place or thing based on how it’s better than I am or otherwise inaccessible to me. And yet, that seems to be the default setting for so many people. Geez.

    Example: I got a criminally good deal on some new shoes recently. When people complimented me on them, I happily told them how little I paid in a do-you-believe-it tone. Only one’s response was what mine would have been in the same situation: “Awesome! How lucky!” Everybody else was “Why can’t I get shoes that cheap?!” And a couple added the kidding-but-not “I hate you!” for good measure.

    That’s got to be a miserable way to go through life.

    Is that even a self-esteem issue? Or is it just envy? (Or are they linked, inextricably?)

  41. ANOTHER UGLY, AND FAT CUNT BITCHIN CAUSE SHE CANT COMPETE. BET YOU GOT PASSED UP FOR SOME RECEPTIONIST JOB FOR SOME PRETTY GIRL TOO BAD. YOU CAN ALLWAYS WORK PHONE SEX, LIKE THEY SAY IN THE OFFICE “YOU CAN TEACHEM TO TYPE BUT YOU CANT TEACHEM TO GROW TITS!” BOO HOO BOOO BOO KITTY! WHOS BEEN PICIN THESE I ANON LATELY? THEVE BEEN STUPID AND SUCKEY, JUST CURIOUS YOU PICKEN EM OUT OF A HAT OR YOU USING MANATEES LIKE FAMILY GUY? COMON LETS GET BACK TO THE GOOD DIRT STRANGER

  42. Wow, a douche-bag column is somewhat redeemed by benvolio’s comment a couple of steps ahead of mine. Because it has me scratching my head: are envy and poor self-esteem inextricably linked? I generally have poor self esteem and am envious of people, but during my megalomaniac moments I’m not envious of other people, I pity them. Hmmmmm…

    So… If I give up being envious does that automatically make my self-esteem higher?

  43. Why do YOU need to tell yourself someone else is stupid to feel good about who you are? Sounds like you are ugly inside AND out…

  44. Oh my GOD. What a miserable loathsome person. I bet you put on your game face during the day, and then seethe all night long while you sit in the dark alone. Listen up divit. YOU are responsible for your life. It becomes what you make it. I’m not the prettiest in the room, but I’m a happy person because it matters more to me WHO I am, rather than WHAT I look like. Wise up quick or you’re going to be all alone…

  45. Bite My Little T – Try that. Stop being envious AND don’t forget to start being grateful. Your self-esteem will be much improved. Heck, you’ll forget about self-esteem entirely and start to just enjoy life. THEN, trust me, more good things will come your way because you will recognize them and not let them slip away.

  47. Not making me love the inner you, jealous girl… but let me tell you something my daddy told me. “Men marry an ugly girl cuz she’s less likely to cheat.”

  48. Wow….jealous much?

    Maybe the reason that you can’t get a date or a job or anything good is because you are even uglier on the inside.

    Grow the hell up, ugly!

    Sincerely, Average and happy.

  49. Quit blaming others because you are miserable.

    My god you make the rest of us women look like superficial idiots.

    Go home to your hundreds of cats and leave the rest of humanity to get on with our lives.

  50. I’m reminded of Ron White: “You can’t fix stupid”.

    Better to be ugly and smart than beautiful and dumb. I’ve always been smart, but I went through a serious ugly duckling phase. A little time at a drugstore and a gym can work wonders.

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