I broke up with a girl who wasn’t hot enough for me. I tried my whole life to not be that kind of guy. I treated her carelessly because she wasn’t that important to me. I was self-indulgent and rude and disrespectful, and it made her cry. She’s perfectly attractive, but not in an obvious way, which is what I want. I don’t want to abandon her, because she is a pillar of support that I truly need. She’s the first girl I ever fucked, and I’m the first guy she ever dated. She is 28 and I am 24. We have known each other for one year. Is it a bad idea to maintain a relationship with her while I pursue other women? Would it be better to end all contact? What is a man who is pathologically worried about being an asshole to do?
Must Remain Anonymous
So… you were a virgin at age 23 when you met this woman.
Hm.
I’m guessing you’re not all that conventionally attractive yourself, MRA. You’re attractive, of course, just not in a conventional sense. You’re attractive in the same way that, say, your ex-girlfriend is attractive. Perfectly attractive. Just not obviously attractive.
Not hot.
But you feel entitled to a woman who is attractive in obvious ways. You want a woman who’s objectively hot. And you may get one. There are lots of obviously hot women out there with guys who aren’t anywhere near as hot. Helps if the dude’s a billionaire. But a word of warning: If you had to wait until age 23 for a woman to come along who was willing to fuck you and put up with your shit, MRA, the wait for a hot woman who’s willing to fuck you and put up with your shit could be a long one. But you can live in hope.
What you can’t live in, MRA, is an alternate reality where you haven’t been an asshole. You emotionally abused this woman for failing to be something she wasn’t when you met her (and something that you’re not, either): conventionally, objectively, and obviously attractive. You weren’t obligated to stay with her forever just because she was kind enough to fuck you and put up with your shit for a while, of course, and you’re free to follow your dreams and pursue hot women. But you were obligated to treat this woman with kindness and consideration. Instead, you went out of your way to act like an asshole.
Under the circumstances, MRA, I think it’s best to end all contact. It’s nice that you’re willing to keep her in your life in order to get the support you need, all the while providing her with jack shit in return—no, wait. That’s just more assholery. Cut her from your life. It’s the only decent thing to do.
It may be the only decent thing you’ve ever done for her.
I’m an 18-year-old girl in my freshman year at university. I moved into an apartment with three roommates: awesome party girl who I really get along with, my long-term boyfriend, and a new guy who is a year older than me.
Here’s the problem: I don’t have an out-of-this-world libido. My boyfriend doesn’t mind and seems content. But I want to fuck the new guy’s brains out all the time. I don’t understand! I love my boyfriend and I find him attractive, and this other guy is not my type in any way. I am NOT going to cheat on my boyfriend, but I don’t know what to do!
Feelings Are Not Technically Alright Sometimes, Y’know?
First potential explanation: Like most 18-year-olds, you don’t know your hole from an ass in the ground. Part of dating, at your age, is discovering what works for you, who works for you, and what you want. Sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you actually want. So it’s possible that your long-term boyfriend is a nice guy, a good guy, and an attractive guy. But he’s not the kind of nice, good, attractive guy who turns you on. So your libido may be just fine, FANTASY, it’s just that you have yet to date a guy who cranks your libido into gear. In other words: This guy might indeed be your type. You just don’t know it yet.
Second potential explanation: Women tend to be attracted to one type of guy when they’re not ovulating (nicer guys: good parents and helpful partners) and a different type of guy when they are ovulating (rougher guys: lousy parents and worse partners). Lots of women in long-term, stable relationships with nice guys enjoy manly-man-eye-candy when they’re ovulating and then fuck their nice guy’s brains out. But you’re going to complicate your life considerably if you live with both types, i.e., the nice guy you want to marry and the masculine-type guy whose brains you want to fuck out when you’re shitting eggs.
What to do? Well, if it’s explanation number one, dump your boyfriend and date your roommate. If it’s explanation number two, ogle your roommate and fuck your boyfriend.
A gay couple, friends of mine, just announced their wedding this coming summer in Vancouver. They’ve broken up and reunited countless times over the last 10 years; they fight and cheat on each other. Separately they’re wonderful people, but together they’re a fucking nightmare. I suspect this will be one of those marriages that will collapse quickly. So it occurs to me: How much social pressure will there be for gay married folks not to get divorced? After all, the homophobes will soon use gay divorce rates as an argument against gay marriage, right?
The Straight Best Man
Wrong.
Half of all opposite-sex marriages end in divorce, TSBM, which makes it pretty easy to deflect arguments about a gay divorce somehow proving that same-sexers aren’t worthy. And divorce—access to the courts to divide up joint property, work out custody arrangements, determine spousal support, etc.—is one of the important rights that comes with marriage.
And did you know that the first same-sex couple to legally wed in Canada wound up divorcing? And that the first same-sex couple to legally marry in the United States also wound up divorcing? No and no, TSBM, because evangelical Christians—those rabid opponents of marriage equality—haven’t made it an issue. And why haven’t they? Oh, probably because the divorce rate among conservative evangelical Christians is higher than the divorce rate among less batshit Christians, nonbelievers, and Americans who live in Massachusetts. The haters don’t want to make divorce an issue because it makes them look bad, not us. As for your friends…
Some people love conflict and drama, and it’s for the best when two drama-seeking conflictophiles pair off and marry each other. It can be hard on friends and family at first, TSBM, but once you realize that a couple is a pair of perfectly matched conflictophiles—both parties are equally awful, neither is being abused, two innocent people were spared when these two fuckers found each other—you don’t have to pretend you give a flying fuck about their drama anymore.
So when asshole Adam goes, “Steve cheated on me!” You go, “He’s cheated on you before, Adam. And it’s only a matter of time before you cheat on him. Again. Now, how about Occupy Wall Street? About fucking time, huh?”
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Guys? I think I’m going to start referring to your balls as a turd-sack. Not out of hostility. Just ‘cuz it’s a funny play on words, see?
And because balls kinda look like a sack of turds. Admit it. You know I’m right.
I loved the shitting egg comment. It didn’t stick with me until everyone complained because their panties are to tight and up there asses. It is a fucking joke.
But it really is like our vaginas murdered someone and have to get rid of the evidence.
@48, 50
As someone who just recently married the person who I have been dating since I was 16 (I am 25), I have to say that I am very, very, very glad that I did not listen to my hormones at 18-19.
We had to do long distance relationship for the 4 years we were in college, and I know that I would have done a lot of things (people) that I would now regret. I am so glad that I was able to talk myself out of the random crushes that I formed that were based just on appearance.
I know that in this column it is often mentioned that married couples have crushes—and that it can be a fun part of a relationship to talk about these little crushes, as both partners know that they are not serious.
Why is this advice not given to this girl? Just because she is 18 does not mean she does not know what she wants. Its a little pet peeve of mine as for the first 3 years of my relationship I was told by just about everyone that I needed to be realistic about my relationship; I was told long distance relationships/transitioning high school to college relationships never last. Well, here I am almost 10 years later.
Turd sack.
@48, 50
As someone who just recently married the person who I have been dating since I was 16 (I am 25), I have to say that I am very, very, very glad that I did not listen to my hormones at 18-19.
We had to do long distance relationship for the 4 years we were in college, and I know that my hormones would have had me sleeping with a lot more people than I wanted to. We kept a monogamous relationship which worked for us, though we did tell each other about the crushes that we had on this hot guy at the bar, or this girl in Statistics. Our communication made our relationship work.
Before you jump to the conclusion that she needs to dump this guy and explore, realize that that is not for everybody. It sure wasn’t for me. I found a great guy early, and I am glad I did not dump him for the first hot guy that wandered by. And I really do not feel like I have missed a thing.
Gah sorry for two posts! The first was a rough draft that accidentally posted. Oops.
You should be out of the gene pool, mra. The last thing the world needs is another self-absorbed egomaniac who wants permission to abuse some stupid woman who deserves you, actually, and I know that because she obviously hasn’t disfigured or crippled you in order to spare you the trouble of agonizing over whether someone else is the one who is truly hot enough for you. Do I sound a bit pissed off? I’m a bit embarrassed because I could be you, but I’m smarter. I also practise zero tolerance of self-indulgent morons. That means Zero tolerance, dude. I encourage everyone I know to practise zero tolerance of people like you as well. Don’t even think of polluting the species any further. You are not what Darwin had in mind when he formulated the theory of survival of the fittest.
“shitting egs”…bahahahahaha! Love it! gives me an excuse for my overactive libido
Shitting eggs is a fantastic way to describe the asshattery we do when in that state.
*eggs*…oops…was laughing while typing :p
I’m gonna be laughing all the way into menoshit now!
Shitting eggs for ovulation is a bit over the line. If anything shitting eggs should be during your period, natural, kinda icky, ridding the body of something no longer serving a useful purpose.
She’s 18. Good grief. There was a time when, more often than now, girls like her were dumb enough to marry the first boy they liked and live most of their life assuming they had low libidos and just weren’t that into sex.
And THAT’S when the sexy roomie (or gardener, or coworker) would come around and snap them out of it.
@107 and everyone who cries “Panties! Wad! Panties! Wad!”
“Shitting eggs” isn’t a joke, it’s a vulgar (and obviously intentionally humorous) Savage-ism for ovulating. Just as “canned ham dropped from a great height” was an early Savage-ism for vagina. It sounds funny and, oh hey? It’s also hostile.
Why is it cool for ol’ Dan to get his turd-sack in a wad when someone cracks wise about the gay, but not cool to call Dan out on his hostility towards lady bits and breeder-type sex? Um, I guess that would be because most of the people reading this column are Dan fans and have their heads crammed so far up his accepting butthole they’ll defend everything he writes, whether merely direct or openly assholish.
Hey y’all, I love SL too. That doesn’t mean I blindly swallow everything he spews. Dan himself publicly apologized (as much as an apology as he ever gives) for the canned ham comment. He’s not completely un-self aware, thank god. Defend the comment all you want, it’s still openly truculent.
@101
Ovulatory shifts in human female ornamentation: Near ovulation, women dress to impress
http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton…
Changes in Women’s Mate Preferences Across the Ovulatory Cycle
http://www.fed.cuhk.edu.hk/~lchang/mater…
Reading men’s faces: women’s mate attractiveness judgments track men’s testosterone and interest in infants
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles…
Women with high-pitched voices go nuts over men with deep voices
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/blog/2…
Sexual dimorphism of male face shape, partnership status and the temporal context
of relationship sought modulate women’s preferences for direct gaze
http://alittlelab.stir.ac.uk/pubs/Conway…
Effects of menstrual cycle phase on face preferences
http://www.mendeley.com/research/effects…
Men’s Faces Convey Information about Their Bodies and Their Behavior: What You See is What You Get
http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/ep064…
Interactions between masculinity–femininity and apparent health in face preferences
http://beheco.oxfordjournals.org/content…
Raised salivary testosterone in women is associated with increased attraction to masculine faces.
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/art…
Menstrual cycle alters face preference. Nature 1999;399:741-742.
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v39…
Fink, B., & Penton-Voak, I. (2002). Evolutionary psychology of facial attractiveness.
http://cdp.sagepub.com/content/11/5/154.…
Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_at…
I knew a gay couple years ago in Austin. One owned a gay bar and the other managed it. It soon became apparent that their sexual foreplay consisted of public argument. Then they would go home and have great “make-up sex.” That was their thing, until every gay bar in town had thrown them out and barred them because of the adverse impact their fights were having on other bar customers. Finally, we realized that was why they went to other bars to fight, so that they wouldn’t drive the customers out of their own bar!
How right you are @65, how right you are. Sometimes Dan is poppsych major and has a weird interpretation of facts that are plain dumb.
@120, well said! I think shitting eggs is funny because it’s just funny. I see it as him being a jackass all around, not just to the ladies.
No doubt, the canned ham, the ignoring attacks on our rights to reproduce & the general sexism catholicism & being gay has bred in him come out – but this column, I thought was just damned funny. Well said.
Dan, I love you, but your response to FANTASY really weirds me out.
Speaking as someone with degrees in related fields (a BSc in Biological Anthropology and an MA in Social Science Research), who is about as pro-science and pro-Darwin as you can get- I think you need to be more cautious about referencing evopsych research in your columns.
A LOT of evopsych studies are based on results from a small number of Western college students (either explicitly hetero, or just presumed so). There are excellent reasons for this (finite research budgets being one of them), but a good researcher will highlight the fact that their study was based on a limited sample, and then ideally go on to do follow-up research on a wider range of people (David Perrett is a good example of an evopsych researcher who does both these things, as well as being a generally cool guy).
Too many evopsych writers, however, will just cite a study on a tiny number of straight Western college students and then trumpet the findings as if they apply to the entire human species throughout history. It pays to be cautious.
Beyond that, evopsych is supposed to be talking about universal human tendencies- which makes it a poor source for advice tips to one specific person, IMO. Think about it- say someone wrote in to you saying “I’m a man married to a woman, but I’m pretty sure that I’m 100% gay, and now my wife is talking about having kids together.” Would you respond with “well, 90% of men are straight, and we’ve all evolved to be good at reproducing, so statistically speaking you should suck it up and get her pregnant”?
Speaking as a woman who ovulates- in my specific experience, there have been phases of my life where my sex drive has felt like it was rising and falling in relation to whether I was ovulating, and phases where it hasn’t. But it’s never been my experience that the TYPE of person I’m attracted to has changed over the course of a cycle. For all I know this makes me a minority among women, but it makes me cautious about using the ovulation theory as a major basis for your advice to some woman you’ve never met- especially when she’s 18 years old and probably has a pretty vulnerable sexual identity.
Also- it sounds kind of like you’re saying that “manly men” and “nice guys” are two completely separate groups of people. I’m familiar with the line of evopsych logic you’re drawing from, but it seems like a weird thing to say in a more general sex advice context, especially since you’re generally pretty good at calling out people who try to apply only one standard of “manliness” to everyone with a Y chromosome.
TLDR: I generally agree with your advice, but I think you dropped the ball on this one.
Dan, I love you, but your response to FANTASY really weirds me out.
Speaking as someone with degrees in related fields (a BSc in Biological Anthropology and an MA in Social Science Research), who is about as pro-science and pro-Darwin as you can get- I think you need to be more cautious about referencing evopsych research in your columns.
A LOT of evopsych studies are based on results from a small number of Western college students (either explicitly hetero, or just presumed so). There are excellent reasons for this (finite research budgets being one of them), but a good researcher will highlight the fact that their study was based on a limited sample, and then ideally go on to do follow-up research on a wider range of people (David Perrett is a good example of an evopsych researcher who does both these things, as well as being a generally cool guy).
Too many evopsych writers, however, will just cite a study on a tiny number of straight Western college students and then trumpet the findings as if they apply to the entire human species throughout history. It pays to be cautious.
Beyond that, evopsych is supposed to be talking about universal human tendencies- which makes it a poor source for advice tips to one specific person, IMO. Think about it- say someone wrote in to you saying “I’m a man married to a woman, but I’m pretty sure that I’m 100% gay, and now my wife is talking about having kids together.” Would you respond with “well, 90% of men are straight, and we’ve all evolved to be good at reproducing, so statistically speaking you should suck it up and get her pregnant”?
Speaking as a woman who ovulates- in my specific experience, there have been phases of my life where my sex drive has felt like it was rising and falling in relation to whether I was ovulating, and phases where it hasn’t. But it’s never been my experience that the TYPE of person I’m attracted to has changed over the course of a cycle. For all I know this makes me a minority among women, but it makes me cautious about using the ovulation theory as a major basis for your advice to some woman you’ve never met- especially when she’s 18 years old and probably has a pretty vulnerable sexual identity.
Also- it sounds kind of like you’re saying that “manly men” and “nice guys” are two completely separate groups of people. I’m familiar with the line of evopsych logic you’re drawing from, but it seems like a weird thing to say in a more general sex advice context, especially since you’re generally pretty good at calling out people who try to apply only one standard of “manliness” to everyone with a Y chromosome.
TLDR: I generally agree with your advice, but I think you dropped the ball on this one.
Well, another feminist here. I thought the “eggs” comment was hostile and not funny, and it jumped out at me as I read it before I even got to the comments.
I DO like “turd sack” though. It’s a much better visual.
Agreeing with 125. The “nicest” guy I ever dated was also the manliest- the biggest and strongest, with the heaviest jaw and muskiest smell and earliest testosterone-caused pattern balding. The biggest jerk was a weedy artiste, under six feet with a pointy chin.
Ms Emalie – Granted, many gay males are sexist, but how does simply being gay breed sexism?
I agree with Ms Apoptetic that Mr Savage’s term was vulgar with a side of hostility. She found an excellent counterpart; they’re both overreactions to some quantity of justification.
Let’s imagine that the studies on women’s varying attractions during different times in the cycle were based on better research methods. Imagine that there were more in the study, that it was known when they were fertile, the whole shebang. It would still only say something about what sort of men the women were attracted to and therefore who they were slightly more likely bed. ATTRACTED to is the operative word.
None of that discounts the hundreds of other factors that go into choosing mates. That’s a choice of a one night stand, the choice of a monogamous marriage, the choice of a monogamish marriage, or the choice of a long term affair.
Think of all the reasons we’re attracted to someone and don’t end up having sex with them. Looks pretty but is something of a jerk, don’t want to ruin a committed relationship, have to catch a bus, to name 3 out of thousands more.
This is why I find evolutionary psychology interesting, maybe closer to fascinating. I really like the subject and think it has a lot to teach us about the human condition. But call it science to the extent of basing policy on it? Apply it to an 18 year old asking for advice? To do so would be to dismiss everything else about her situation and personality. That’s an insult right there.
Thus my advice to FANTASY– Move out! Get out of that living situation. Then talk to your boyfriend about your attractions to other men (without getting specific about the (ex)roommate). See what he thinks. You don’t know if he wants to be committed and faithful at age 18 and thinks he’s ready for that. You don’t know if he’s been thinking along the same lines and wants to break up.
But whatever you do, don’t start an affair with the roommate such that you’re cheating on your boyfriend in his own house. That’s just mean, and nothing in your letter suggests that he’s done anything to deserve that.
Why does straight best man care about gay divorce rates? I think that was a concern troll. One thing you don’t hear about gay marriage, especially with men, is the very low rates of men taking advantage of the right to marry (where it exists). Marriage is about 2 things, property and children. Since most men can’t pop over to the sperm bank to grow a fetus (or pop over to a frat party for the budget conscious gayelle) marriage is only really important for end of life medical decisions and inheritance (I would say immigration, but because of DOMA gay spouses can’t immigrate). And besides, romantically, most gay men are like Liz Taylor, but with more sense and less money to waste on divorce lawyers.
I say leave MRA alone. We don’t know the full extent of the situation. I would guess that his girlfriend is very clingy and that is the main reason he keeps her around, and it sounds like he is being as charitable as possible about how supportive she is of him. There was a reason he was a dick to her, and I think it had a lot more to do with her personality than her looks. I think MRA is trying to paint a nice picture of her and being very selfcritical at the same time. She is obviously more desperate than him (4 years older, and she hadn’t even dated a guy before). He just wasn’t that into her, and her efforts to make it into more than it was caused him to be a dick to her because he really wanted out. She didn’t take the hint, and now he’s STILL stuck with her and because he is almost as inexperienced as her he feels bad about dumping her. His instincts are right. He needs to make a clean break and stop settling (I’m not talking about settling for someone’s looks, I’m talking about settling for someone he’s not that into). Dan is telling him he is worthless and will probably never get anyone else, and that’s probably how he felt and part of why he stayed with the girl (in addition to the guilt of breaking someone’s heart). That kind of kindness is ultimately cruelty. And it leads him to more guilt and feeling shitty. If you find yourself being an asshole to someone when you aren’t normally an asshole to everyone, it’s time to step back and consider that maybe deep down you don’t like them and don’t want to be around them. Deciding the fault was his own shallow standards and then sticking with the clinger did no favors to anyone.
@129 (Crinoline): Well said.
“Shitting eggs:”
It’s kind of funny.
It’s kind of gross.
It’s kind of misogynistic.
It’s kind of guaranteed to get a lot of response.
It’s kind of deliberate
And it’s representative of the way that Dan often expresses himself: like a fifteen-year-old hoping to shock. Phrases like “fuck the shit out of,” “asshat,” “douchebag” (covered somewhat extensively in a recent podcast), “batshit,” are not chosen for their subtlety or nuance. If you don’t like that kind of talk, you probably shouldn’t be reading or listening to this column.
You don’t necessarily have to lose your feminist card by laughing at it, either.
Although in thinking about it, I realize that Dan is somewhat obsessed with excrement . . .
This egg-shitter lulzed hard @ “shitting eggs.”
really? Because I thought the “go fuck your boyfriend’s brains out while you’re shitting eggs” is hilllaaarriiiooouuussss. Also, I am female.
Oh God, that last letter could’ve been about my sister and her boyfriend; they’ve been together 11 years and all they do is fight every moment they’re awake. Just like our parents did. AAGH! No wonder I’m single!!
@132 re 129 – seconded.
125– Nice. Good essay. I wish I’d said it as well.
Now let me weigh in on shitting eggs. If there’s anything followers of this column have learned (or should have) it’s that there’s a huge variety in what we find sexually attractive. A related concept is that there’s a huge variety in what we find disgusting.
My tastes are utterly ordinary (healthy men, roughly my age, that I have something in common with and can talk to, who find me attractive in return). Deep down, I suppose I’m a little weirded out by the idea that there are women out there who aren’t attracted to the same, but I’m polite enough not to make a big deal out of it or to make fun of them (or to support laws that make them outcasts).
Same goes for tastes in disgusting. Again, I’m utterly mainstream. I’m not big on body wastes like piss, shit, or menstrual flow (though I rather like the smell of underarm sweat) and consider them things that should be disposed of sanitarily. BUT, I’m polite enough to acknowledge that people are different. I’m not thrilled with the idea that there are people out there who think my body when ovulating is disgusting like shit, but I can live with it.
My verdict: Not especially funny, but not particularly insulting either.
You’re right @128, I said that wrong. Not all gay men are sexist – some are (been to the Orphan Andy’s in the Castro??) Sorry to imply that all gay men were.
@133 – you nailed it.
@101 “Participants were 76 men (who had been interviewed and videotaped
while competing for a possible lunch date) and 238 women (who rated the
attractiveness of men from the videotapes).”
… you call that “reputable” ? At least 1000 women would have been enough to give a significative result. And let’s remind what a serious protocol means : when you’re looking for a difference, don’t try just to experiment what would prove your point, try as well what wouldn’t.
And thanks EricaP (104) & Crinoline (125) !
Shitting eggs is a terrible thing to say. You should never make up funny turns of phrase to describe things, especially if they are lewd. That would make you an asshole, a douchebag, or a crusty old cunt.
Also, we should all act like crusty old cunts when someone tries to be funny.
this feminist is loving the ‘shitting eggs’ metaphor, thanx man, peace
Sorry 132 but if he simply wasn’t into her he could’ve broken up with her. Treating her like shit is not a viable option.
@110: LOL!! I love it!
Yes, all kidding aside, it’s as many posters have already aptly pointed out: Dan is gay, therefore, the vulgar sexist barbs at women (i.e: shitting eggs, uteruses and vaginas described as “canned hams dropped from 30 story buildings”, etc.). I think it’s more Midwestern-bred acidic sarcasm than any direct hostility toward women.
Thanks, Dan, for a continually great column, and all of you posting—I haven’t laughed this hard in months!
Sorry 132 but if MRA no longer wanted to be with his girlfriend he should’ve just broken up with her. Treating her like shit is not an option.
Shitting eggs is awesome and feels qutie appropriate when I’m ovluating. It will go well with “shitting out a crotch fruit” which is already part of my lexicon.
@ peeps who think to much on shitting eggs: if you are any bit of feminist you think you are you would have commented on the “douchebag MRA’s” letter of horror instead of shittin’eggs.
for instance:
@79 good point you have there.
love,
eggshitter.
“shitting eggs”? REALLY?
EARTH TO DAN, YOUR SEXISM IS SHOWING.
Yes, you have less than a LOT of guys out there.
But that’s just fucking rude, yo.
Disapprove.
Some people on here are using ovulation and menstruation as synonyms and that would be incorrect. Ovulation is the release of an egg 14(ish) days after menstruation. You still menstruate regardless of if you ovulate (due to birth control, breastfeeding, ect.)
“shitting eggs”
Personally I could have done without it. Its not sexism just because its vulgar. Men are pretty gross about themselves too. It would be sexist to expect men to write a sonnet every time they mentioned girl parts. Honestly, how tedious would that be? Not just to write but to fucking read.
@146: “Sorry 132 but if he simply wasn’t into her he could’ve broken up with her. Treating her like shit is not a viable option.”
…unless she’s one of those women who knows how to exploit his guilt, and likes to hold it over his head. Remember, this isn’t a guy who just wants hot chicks; this is a guy who wants hot chicks AND FEELS GUILTY ABOUT IT.
Everyone wants to conceive of MRA’s girlfriend as some saintly figure, but it’s just as possible that she’s some passive-aggressive, manipulative creature who knows exactly how to push the right buttons. She was probably attracted to him in part because she knew she could set up this kind of dynamic, where he’s always the bad guy with the wandering cock, and she’s always the victim who’d be Ever So Good To Him If Only He Could Love Her The Way She Deserves.
He thinks he’s treating her like shit; maybe sometimes he is, because no doubt he has incredible resentment towards her, but maybe she’s also acting the part of the martyr to exploit his guilt.
The older I get, the more reliably I find that whenever there’s a situation where one person looks like a saint and the other one looks like Dr. Evil, it’s usually the saint that’s the bigger asshole.
“Shitting eggs” was hilarious!
Men don’t think with their dicks? Women don’t deal with hormonal fluctuations? Don’t be such a bunch of hipsters. Accept that you’re human, and recognize that being human means having the ability to identify and mitigate all the times when biology and anatomy conspire to overcome reason.