Recently, I celebrated my
first year of marriage to the most amazing man. When we first began
dating, he told me that he enjoys open sexuality and wants swinging to
be part of any partnership he’s in. I regard myself as free-spirited
and agreed to explore this with him. We delayed experimentation because
I had a stressful job and I wanted to spend my limited free time with
him instead of exploring our sexuality with multiple partners. My work
situation changed, and we have since had about a dozen experiences in
the past year. I have discovered that these situations are not a
turn-on for me—in fact, they are a turnoff. I feel resentful
after these episodes, and I don’t feel like having sex for days. We
have discussed this at length, and we have been seeing a counselor.
Recently, we had a civil discussion wherein we discussed the
possibility of him having these sexual experiences without me, since I
do not find them compelling. This idea appealed to him. He proposed
going to a sex party alone that very night.

Ever since then, I have been crushed by the
prospect of my husband having a sex life outside of our relationship.
Since we met, his sexuality has had an outward trajectory, rather than
being relationship centered. Having a healthy sexual relationship with
him is enough for me. He makes a good point that he has been straight
about his desire for this lifestyle since day one, but I am still
frustrated and horrified that my husband needs to have sex outside of
our marriage. I can’t help but feel hurt that I alone am not enough for
him.

I’d appreciate your straight, honest
feedback on this.

Sex Best One On One

Straight, honest feedback: You are an
idiot. Your husband informed you in advance about the
“outward trajectory” of his sexuality; you knew going in that
your husband could never be satisfied in a marriage that didn’t involve
“open sexuality” and swinging. Don’t come crying to me now because the
man you married wants to actually have sex with other people. You knew
that before you married him, SBOOO, because he fucking told you
so.

You’re unlikely to encounter a marriage
counselor who’ll take your husband’s side (nonmonogamy? boo!) over
yours (monogamy? yay!), SBOOO, so I’m going to aggressively come to his
defense: You’re never going to convince your husband that one-on-one
ought to be enough for him. Sorry. You’re also going to have a hard
time convincing him that you didn’t deceive him in the run-up to this
marriage. When he told you that monogamy was a deal breaker, SBOOO, you
replied that you were “free-spirited” and willing to “explore.” But,
alas, circumstances beyond your control prevented you from embarking on
any explorations until after the wedding, and only then—only
after he married you—did you discover that your husband’s
sexual interests both frustrated and horrified.

How convenient.

Because if you’d been a little less stressed
at work, SBOOO, maybe you could’ve made time for a little swinging
before the wedding. Then you might’ve learned that nonmonogamy wasn’t
for you and been able to give this amazing man that information
before he married your ass. Oh, but your work schedule didn’t
allow for premarital explorations, and now this amazing man has to
decide whether to go through the hell of a divorce—knowing full
well that he will be seen as the bad guy by all your relatives and
friends, and 99.99 percent of marriage counselors—or give in to
your emotional, sexual, and financial blackmail.

Want more evidence that you weren’t
negotiating with your husband in good faith before the wedding, SBOOO?
How about this: You aren’t negotiating with him in good faith
now. So you recently had “a civil discussion” with him about the
possibility of his going to sex parties alone—how many uncivil
discussions have you had?—but then you were crushed when
he wanted to take you up on this proposed compromise. So once again he
wants to fuck around, once again you agree to his fucking around in
principle, once again he proposes fucking around in earnest, and once
again you lose your shit—only this time you go boohooing to an
advice columnist and not a marriage counselor.

Sorry, SBOOO, you picked the wrong
columnist. You want and always wanted a monogamous commitment. Free
spirit, my ass. You are—surprise!—sexually incompatible.
Divorce. Get it over with.

I’m a male with submissive tendencies, and my wife decides when I get to orgasm. We have sex
regularly, but she only lets me ejaculate occasionally. She finds that
I’m more attentive to her now that we’re doing “orgasm denial,” and I
get to scratch my submissive itch. Ain’t life grand?

Here’s my question: I enjoy pushing the
limits, and I’ve gone as long as six weeks without release. (We use a
CB-6000 chastity cage on my cock so I won’t succumb in a moment of
weakness.) But I’m a little concerned about the effects on my prostate.
After several weeks of denial, I leak pre-come when aroused. I’ve read
that recent studies showed that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk
of prostate cancer. Am I putting myself at greater risk by ejaculating
so infrequently? Can you ask your medical expert?

Loving Orgasms And Denial Every Day

Two orgasm-denial questions in two
weeks—it’s officially a trend! Can a Good Morning America segment be far behind?

“We still have very little idea what might
cause or prevent prostate cancer,” says Dr. Barak Gaster, associate
professor of medicine at the University of Washington and our resident
medical expert. “There are some clues—red meat, probably bad;
vegetables, probably good; vitamin E, probably not helpful—but
we’re really still in the dark.” And while most studies have shown
frequent ejaculation to be good for prostate health, one recent study
out of the UK showed the exact opposite.

So what should you do? Rely on the
best-available study, advises Gaster. “[That study] followed U.S. men
for eight years and found that those with the most ejaculations per
month (more than 20) had a 30 percent lower risk of prostate cancer
compared to those who were having fewer per month (about five).” But
there is good news in the study for you, LOADED: “The 5 percent of men
who reported having zero to three per month appeared to have a lower
risk for prostate cancer as well,” said Gaster. “The caveat is that
this group was too small to make definite conclusions about them. But
it looks like coming more than 20 times a month could be good for you
in terms of prostate cancer, but it’s unlikely that coming very little,
like zero to three times per month, is necessarily bad for you compared
to coming once or twice a week.”

So ejaculate frequently, guys, or ejaculate
rarely, because it would appear that moderation in pursuit of prostate
health is no virtue.

mail@savagelove.net

205 replies on “Savage Love”

  1. Good Advice for SBOOO, Dan.

    She tried something and discovered she wasn’t compatible. The best thing for her is to realize that it is only just that and to “Keep Walking On”.

    Lord knows we’ve all tried somethings that we couldn’t do more than once or twice or maybe just one more time! She gave it more than one go, where’s that story?

    There was something good enough there for him to say yes to the marriage in the first place, not just the promise of a polygamous lifestyle – right?

    The best thing for her is to realize that it is only just that and to Keep Walking On.

  2. Look, I’m with you on SBOOO. But SBOOO’s hubby is not without blame. Men and women misrepresent themselves to one another all the time, right? When your paramour tells you she’s into swinging, great. But when she can’t make time for it because of a ‘stressful’ job, well, any man older than 22 ought to know where this is going. Yes, he was honest. Yes, she was not. But I’m not going to give him a free pass for blindly relying on the sort of obvious misrepresentation that any reasonable man would have seen through long before the engagement.

  3. I love the answer you gave to sbooo and I love the way you said it! Someone that thick in the head, ignoring the totally obvious, has to have the answer applied forcefully to get it thru. Why do those mono chicks tie up all the poly guys so I can’t find them??

  5. SBOOO is fucked. my only qualm with your response, as a therapist i would definitely NOT side with SBOOO and would have much the same response to her, and support for her partner just with slightly different language… slightly. hopefully i’m not in the .01%, but if i am, sobeit… i’ll talk louder at therapy parties.

  6. The only thing I think you missed with SBOOO, Dan, is what about the husband? He married her before they explored their sexuality thoroughly knowing that perhaps she might not enjoy swinging. Don’t you think the responsibility was mutual regarding vetting the sexuality before marriage?

  7. sboy, lying in bed, eating? sounds like your wife could be depressed. Might want to go at it from that angle, trying to help her rather than pout about lost playmate.

  8. I couldn’t get through all the comments about SBOOO so maybe somebody’s made this point already, but I think Dan was too hard on SBOOO.

    I would say that SBOOO’s letter indicates a lack of self-awareness but not manipulation. She doesn’t trash her husband or berate him for his poly ways but rather states that she didn’t like the poly stuff once she tried it and admits to feeling resentful. Often, it’s hard to know what something’s really like until you try it. Fantasies and real life rarely jibe. She doesn’t betray any sort of scheming either.

    I think that SBOOO needing to wait until her work stress lifted was a red flag that she wasn’t ready–one she clearly missed, again indicating a lack of insight. I don’t, however, think that it’s unreasonable to postpone major life changes during times of duress. I think Dan was too quick to dismiss the impact of work stress here.

    Yeah, SBOOO calls herself free-spirited and yeah, she’s probably not, but lots of people identify themselves in vague or downright incorrect terms. (Try going on a date from the personals and you’ll see what I mean.)

    She should divorce this guy as they are incompatible, which will be stressful but not as much as it will be for them to remain married; the sooner the better. It could be worse though, they could have kids and they don’t–yet.

    Based on what SBOOO has written, I don’t see either one of them as being the bad guy. There’s a lot of vitriol in the posts though which doesn’t seem justified considering what SBOOO wrote. Despite her moniker, i.e. Sex is Best One On One, she doesn’t trash the poly community. She doesn’t trash her husband or men in general either, so what’s up w/ all the hostility?

    Do posters assume she’s manipulative because she’s female and uptight (also an assumption)?

  9. “I wanted to spend my limited free time with him instead of exploring our sexuality with multiple partners”

    SBOOO, that was your clue right there – one-on-one is the thing that’s most important to you, even if you really were fooling both yourself and your husband about your ability and desire to swing.

    What you need to consider now is what you’re really “crushed” and “hurt” about – is it the swinging, or is it your inability to change the man you married?

    If I were talking to *him*, I’d say get out of the marriage – you were honest with her, and she’s rejected that honesty. But as I’m talking to you, I wonder if you could take a deep breath and rethink this for the sake of your relationship?

    Reading your letter, it seems to me that a lot of your resentment is that your husband needs someone other than you: I think it’s about your ego, not necessarily your sexuality. “I feel resentful after these episodes, and I don’t feel like having sex for days.” Are you sure you’re not just sulking because he won’t do what you want? You might do better to find a way to deal with this and learn to play alongside him (and thank your deity of choice that he’s being honest about it, not doing it behind your back) – rather than lose “this amazing man”.

  10. As someone who could be the guy in SBOOO’s narrative — my thing isn’t flat out openness, only an intense liking for FMF threesomes — I empathize with her husband. After a particular threesome 10 years ago and subsequent events, I finally came to the conclusion that this lifestyle (which my parents practiced during 50 years together, bless their hearts) was essential to my personhood. I wanted a kind and loyal woman partner who enjoyed prowling and tag-teaming together, not for my gratitude alone but for each of us. Threesomes, the way I saw it, were for each party’s pleasure, not just on or two. That’s the whole point.

    I subsequently advertised for bi women partners who actually enjoyed threesomes. I was clear that my relationships hadn’t succeeded with straight women. I got quite a few responses each time.

    Many nice and some wonderful women took me up on my invitations to get together. These inevitably began with making plans for tag teaming women but once the relationships were further along, suddenly those plans evaporated. Three different relationships respectively resulted in: (1) my partner’s “bi-ness” turned out to be a “curiosity” that didn’t really want to get worked out; (2) a thing of the past (the cliched “college fling”); or (3) a victim of maturity as in, “I liked that when I was younger but now I want to settle down.”

    Don’t get me wrong. These were great women on every count; we remain friends. They just weren’t sexually compatible with my fetish. Our relationships were never fully satisfying for them or for me. Sadness more than anger accompanied our separations.

    Now I’m with a fourth “bi” woman (I know she has been, she has the reputational credentials and her past women lovers — most of whom have married and live conventional lives — call her frequently). Talking about our mutual (I thought) fantasies about women over the last year, I thought I’d finally met my match. But after two embarrassing nights watching her tease but not act on other women’s desires, I’m about ready to chuck it all and live solo for awhile. I’m not a spring chicken, so partners may be harder to come by if and when I’m ready once more to give it a try. But to tell the truth, I’m not so eager about entering another failed relationship — and being a sexual minority, that’s more likely than not.

    I have terrific empathy for all people with kinks and festishes and gender preferences that make them targets for others, whether those others are out and out predators or simply, as in my case, well meaning women who couldn’t get that I was being honest about my difference and they weren’t.

  11. I think you came down to hard on Sbooo Dan. She is an honest girl in the sense that she wanted a marriage just like he did. I mean there is an exclusion factor here otherwise why get married?

  12. Back in the 90s I read a book called “The Ethical Slut” that was a real eye-opener about the true challenges in long-term poly-relationships. Just because one is in a poly-relationship doesn’t mean stuff like jealousy, communication and other ethical issues just don’t apply. These things cannot be negotiated only once. Like most things in relationships – nothing comes or stays perfect forever. A true willingness for “negotiation” and “adaption” is very important, and this cannot be a black and white situation, but with shades of grey, give and take with *both* parties caring about what is important to/for the other person. It seemed to me that this was totally lost in Dan’s reply. I guess he seemed to think he was up against a wall of conformist pro-monogamy bullshit. Maybe that was a “strawman argument” and maybe it wasn’t – sometimes there are dealbreakers that mean the relatinship is doomed. But I don’t think I’m alone in suggesting that there could have been some constructive advice for SBOOO instead of dumping all over her.

  13. I think SBOOOO was deluding herself as much as she was her partner. Delaying the experimentation until after the wedding was stupid, but she did try after they were married and then discovered she didn’t like it. Perhaps she thought this “amazing” man would reform, but perhaps she was hoping she might like it.

    Sadly, it seems like one of them is going to be unhappy with their sex lives if they continue to be married.

  14. SBOOO’s husband is an ass, and you’re enabling similar men to be similar asses. His wife was willing to “explore” a dozen times. Just because she’s “free-spirited” doesn’t mean she’s going to enjoy sex with someone other than her husband. Can’t you be free-spirited within a marriage, and legitimately decide that swinging isn’t your thing after several experiences? And what’s wrong with this guy that he won’t change his incredibly selfish lifestyle for his wife? Going to sex parties alone? He deserves for all their friends to think he’s a selfish prick. But I hope SBOOO learns from this – “open marriage” is an oxymoron.

  16. Dan! I’m so sad that I missed you when were in Anchorage!! This is especially depressing since I originally suggested an Anchorage visit to your publicist, or whoever it is that arranges these things for you. At any rate, I’m wondering if it was recorded and if there is somewhere I can find a copy of it, and if you’ll be back. Thanks!

  17. Dan,

    Your comments were right on target to SBOOO. People who try to change the rules of the game after signing the marriage contract have no integrity. This example reifies why only mature, honest adults should marry each other. Stay strong.

  18. To the husband of SBOOO, divorce her, and file it under fraud. Then get the marriage annulled legally. That way you won’t have to pay her ass anything. I’m not really siding with either here, he sounds like a pig, and she sounds like a blind idiot. Too many of us women think we can change a man if we can get them to marry us first. Not cool. But he did tell her all of this up front. So shame on her.

  20. I couldnt help but notice SBOOO’s hubby just happened to know there was a sex party the very night he brought it up to her about going alone!

  21. Well, exactly HOW honest was Mr. SBOOO before the wedding?

    Did he say, “This is something I really need to do,” or did he say, “Gee, wouldn’t this be fun to do?”

  22. Vic Torey-Paughn:

    God how sad, I hope you find someone for you.

    What I think a lot of SBOOO defenders don’t get is that Dan came down extra hard on SBOOO because the husband is going to be the bad guy in everyones eyes when the divorce happens. The husband is going to get shit on, and the wife is going to get all the sympathy. The letter is one small attempt to even the scales. It’s supposed to be harsh.

  24. SBOOO made a blunder that’s unfortunately all too common these days: she got married before she really knew herself. And now she’s trying to force a round marriage into a (very) square hole. What she needs to do is grow a pair and be honest with her husband, without blaming him. “I thought I was okay with this, but I’m not,” is a good way to start, and “I think you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t just TOLERATE (barely) your preferences.” Of course, it doesn’t entirely sound like she does think he deserves that. But he does. Everyone deserves to have a partner who doesn’t scorn them. If he loves her, he won’t want to see her hurt by his behavior, and in this case I think that means divorce.

    I get the impression, however, that even if they break up she will still see his poly desires as a personal affront. I don’t hold it against her that she doesn’t love him enough to change, because I don’t think anyone loves someone else enough to change who they are fundamentally, but it’s unreasonable for her to expect him to.

  25. really *REALLY* tired of all the people mistaking poly for swing, or vice-versa. Swing is about sex. Poly is about relationships. Yes that usually involves sex, but its about living life together as a threesome, foursome, or moresome. Even if outside relationships are not also connected romantically to one’s primary partner, it is far more succesful when the primary and ancillary partners are friends, the closer the better.

    I’m not saying this to run down swing. I’ve done that as well and it was a lot of NSA fun. But as time passed I gravitated toward a poly outlook. Besides, we consensual non-monogamists can afford to judge each other when we have an entire society that will happily do it for us.

    SBOOO isnt down with the swing thing, either solo or couple. Yeah, shes a manipulative bitch for trying to make her husband change after she got the hooks into him. But perhaps they could salvage their marriage by changing their non-monogamy focus more toward poly by finding a third or another couple to, well, call it “exclusively swing with.” Aside from being safer in the long run, it might be a compromise they can both live with.

  26. Go Dan, Go! She said she wanted you to be straight and honest with her…I put myself into a position like that in my early 20s and just because you are willing to experiment you think the other person will get it out of their system, blah blah blah, but it never works that way. If you want a cuddly monogamous relationship, you have to find one and you have to know that someone looking to swing isn’t going to “grow” out of it or “love you” enough to change…THAT IS WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE AND THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE TO…and bless that out and out swinger for being honest to his woman even though she wasn’t honest with him. I hope they both find what they are looking for.

  27. In regards to LOADED, I’d like to point out that Taoist practictioners have been practicing ejaculation denial for centuries to little physical detriment. In fact, they claim the loss of semen is a loss of vital energy. I would advise him to do a google or wikipedia search for more info on the topic, perhaps include a search for injaculation as well.

  29. Women like SBOOO that makes free-spirited girls like us looks bad. I hope her husband have a chance to read this and get the divorce ASAP from this selfish woman.

  30. thats a really messed up situation i feel that sex should between only a husband and wife in a marriage and if they want other partners they shouldnt be married!!!

  31. Is anyone honestly not thinking that it was a little fucked that the husband didn’t actively get her to ‘swing’ before he married her? I realize that she wasn’t completely honest with herself (nor him) but it’s not like he doesn’t have any responsibility in ending up in this situation.

  32. Damn, Dan, do gay dudes have periods? You were awfully harsh on SBOOO. Like bitching out some pregnant teen because she *should have* used protection. The lady is asking for your help, not a moralistic lecture. Yikes, is this what parenthood has done to you??

  33. Damn, Dan, do gay dudes have periods? You were awfully harsh on SBOOO. Like bitching out some pregnant teen because she *should have* used protection. The lady is asking for your help, not a moralistic lecture. Yikes, is this what parenthood has done to you??

  34. SBOOO did it A DOZEN TIMES before deciding it wasn’t for her. Sounds like she gave it a fair chance. Dan needs to be as fair to conventional sexuality as unconventional. Poly is not for everyone, just as monogamy is not for everyone.
    They are incompatible, yes. But it’s not SBOOO’s fault anymore than her partner’s — if he was so committed to poly, he could have insisted she try before marriage. He said those vows, too — nobody made him do it. Now they both have to own their HONEST mistakes.

  35. None of us can possibly get an accurate view of SBOOO’s situation from this one letter. All we can say is that she didn’t try it before they got married, and that makes both her and her husband kind of dumb.

    Dan, I know you were trying to balance the view of conventional therapists, but coming down so hard on SBOOO makes you look like a hypocrite. IMHO you should take the high road and treat vanilla and kinky types the same.

  36. I totally agree with the advise you gave, however I was just wondering how some of the guys would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Poly woman, monogamous man?
    Which is the marriage I’m in.
    As a poly woman, I listened to my husband, and decided that I loved him more than I love sex with other people.
    Not that I agree with SBOO but there are compromises, if both partners are willing.
    by the way. happily married for 10 years. no slip ups

  37. Not exploring a prominent sexual fetish before marriage is about as stupid as staying a virgin ’til your wedding day. They should get equal blame for both assuming the other would fall in line.

  38. What if her husband was really into anal (I know, what a crazy fantasy!) She’s never tried it, but he told her how much he loves it and how important it is to his sex life. She says she’ll give it a go, but then… doesn’t. They never get around to it. She’s turned on by the idea, interested, but tentative, and it never happens. And yet they’re still having sex, and he seems fine – fine enough to marry her without ever having had anal sex with her. So how incredibly important can it be, right? Anyway, she tries it a dozen times, like she promised, and dislikes it.

    So was she lying about being open to trying it? Was he stupid for not emphasizing how important it was t o him (so important he couldn’t possibly marry someone who didn’t share his tastes)?

  39. Just reading the first ten comments posted in response to SBOOO, I find it utterly ridiculous the assumptions made in the comments that followed. First of all, I feel that the majority of the comments result from stereotyping the mass of females. Statements like, “Women need to be important enough to incite a change in their partners.”, “Women strive to control the relationship.”, “Women always make false promises in hopes that circumstances will change in the future.” It’s wrong to judge her based on the fact she has a pussy. Now let me tell you something about the biochemistry about what we humans feel as love.
    Physical and emotional love, both strongly linked by a set of chemical reactions that occur in our brains. Love is all about your brain purposely making you feel irrational in the hopes that you may just well reproduce. Now those of you who have been in love, who hasn’t made poor choices, who hasn’t had unrealistic thoughts? Idealization is the foundation of romantic love. Obviously they both idealized the situation due to the mass amounts of dopamine and serotonin their brains were pumping out in each others presence. Good news to the both of them; the chemistry behind “falling in love” lasts in the realm of about two to three years. (Doesn’t this sound like a familiar extent of time for your own personal relationships?) After that the people who actually stay with each other for decades are those who complement the other emotionally, physically, enjoying the others company, and in some cases spiritually. To judge her (and him) for marrying someone they loved is absurd, marriages are tough with or without high fidelity and i doubt after making that sort of commitment the two of them were unaware of the possible obstacles down the road. But since they obviously do not meet the criteria of a love for the decades then I would advice her and him to enjoy the marriage and the relationship as long as they feel passionate about the other, and as long as they can tolerate compromise, because it doesn’t last long, and it doesn’t happen often in ones life and when it’s over it’s over.

  40. I think people are missing the thrust of the issue here. SBOOO isn’t complaining that he wants her to participate and she doesn’t – she’s complaining that he wants polygamy and she wants monogamy. Yes, she made a go at being a participant and I think it’s fair for her to say “not for me, thanks.” What is unfair, however, is for her to say “I’m not into it, and therefore you shouldn’t be either.”

    It appears that for him, her participation was negotiable but polygamy was non-negotiable. For her, it appears that what she was willing to “try” was not so much participation but having a non-monogamous partner. Fairly standard miscommunication – each assumed they were negotiating the same thing.

    My wife and I had the same experience about something completely different.

    Me: I’m flying to Philly with Tom this weekend.
    Her: I thought we talked about this already?
    Me: About what?
    Her: You flying.
    Me: I’m not flying the plane, Tom is.
    Her: You know what I mean.
    Me: We agreed that I wouldn’t get my pilot’s license. You never said I could never be in a plane with someone else.
    Her: I can’t believe you.
    Me: Look, we fly all the time.
    Her: That’s different.
    Me: He’s been flying for 12 years. How is it different?
    Her: Look, I don’t want to have this conversation with you now.

  41. I know! I know. Different strokes, etc….but my old fashioned male hunger for orgasm combined with a feeling for the natural in life’s journey, says orgasm limitation is missing more than a cooperative mate. Should either partner’s ego and libido be built on controlling the other’s ego/libido? Even with permission. Sounds like more of a dominance issue. What the hell – t’ain’t 4me! NH friend of sex

  42. regarding: “So ejaculate frequently, guys, or ejaculate rarely, because it would appear that moderation in pursuit of prostate health is no virtue.” I laughed so hard when I saw this because I believe this will start a movement among men: they *have* to have sex several times a week.

  43. I remember back in the day, you had a column where a girl entered a relationship with a guy with the agreement She would find a girlfriend for them both to share. Like an ass he backed out and said she was “cheating” (what were the rules?) and he would too. You took his side. could it be you got smarter?

  45. Um, SBOO didn’t just say she was up for exploring. She explored. About a dozen times. And she didn’t like. Yeah, sexually incompatible is the reality now, but ya know, he married her before actually establishing that they were compatible, too. This is on BOTH of them.

  46. I disagree on the advice to SBOOO — because it seems like she honestly thought she could handle it and she tried it out, and only then found out she didn’t like it. It doesn’t make the situation any less messy, but still…

  48. THAT WAS TRULY f**KING FUNNY. I JUST RAN ACROSS THIS COLUMN, AND THIS PARTICULAR BLOG WAS NOT ONLY INSENSITIVE, BUT CREATIVELY STRAIGHT-FORWARD TRUTHFULLY! I THOUGHT I WAS MATTER-OF-FACT PERSON, BUT HELL YOU HAVE ME BEAT ALL HANDS DOWN. SBOOO HUSBAND LAID ALL HIS CARDS ON THE TABLE BEFORE THE MARRIAGE, AND SBOOO PREMATURELY AGREED TO SOMETHING SHE NEVER EXPERIENCED. THATS LIKE SAYING OH IM GOING TO TRY HEROIN OR CRACK AND NEVRE GET ADDICTED BECAUSE I CONTROL WHAT WANT AND HOW THINGS TURN OUT, NOT!!!!PEOPLE CHANGE, SITUATIONS CHANGE, AND LOVE IS TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE, IN THIS WORLD NOTHING IS CERTAIN AND THATS FOR SURE! LIVE AND LEARN, AND DEFINITELY GET OVER IT!

  49. THE MIRENA IUD IS HORRIBLE….PLEASE DONT SUGGEST ANYONE TO GET IT, AND IF THEY ARE SEEKING SO, TO PLEASE GO ONLINE AND READ BOTH PRO AND ANTI VIEWS. MY DR, LIKE MANY OTHERS, TOLD ME IT WAS THE BEST CHOICE AND THE SIDE EFFECTS WERE SLIM TO NONE. YET AS SOON AS I LEFT THE DR’S OFFICE I WAS BLEEDING CRAMPING, AND THROWING UP IF I TOOK JUST THE SMALLEST BITE OF FOODS. CONCURRENTLY, I HAD A FOUL SMELLING BROWNISH DISCHARGE WHICH RUINED MANY OF MY PRIZED LINGERIE.I HAD TO BATHE THREE TIMES A DAY. THEN THE BLOATING FEELING, FACIAL HAIR, ACNE, AND MOOD SWINGS WERE ANOTHER REASON IT HAD TO GO. I HAD THE THING IN FOR THREE MONTHS BEFORE I COULD GET IT TAKEN OUT. WHY SO LONG? WELL THE FIRST COUPLE VISITS THE DR COULDNT FIND IT. SO I HAD TO HAVE IT SURGICALLY REMOVED, WHICH WAS EVEN MORE DEVASTATING. I HAVE HEARD GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE PARAGUARD BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT DOESNT HAVE ANY HORMONES WHICH HIGHLY CONTRIBUTE TO THE SIDE EFFECTS MOST PEOPLE EXPERIENCE WITH THE MIRENA. SO BASICALLY I DONT ADVISE ANYONE TO GET THE MIRENA, AND TRULY BECAUSE IT WAS A WASTE OF MY $1000 THAT I INCURRED GETTING IT IMPLANTED AND REMOVED. P.S ABOUT HAVING ANAL SEX, YEAH YOU WONT GET PREGNANT, BUT YOURE STILL A RISK OF GETTING A STD BEING THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WHO WE KNOW NOT OR COULD BE TOTALLY FAITHFUL. I SUGGEST YOUR BOYFRIEND GO ONLINE TO FIND A DURABLE CONDOM THAT WILL ALLOW HIM TO HAVE MORE OF A NATURAL FEEL. THEY CAN BE COSTLY, BUT TRUST I RATHER SPEND MONEY ON A QUALITY CONDOM, THAN EXPERIENCE AN STD EVER.

    AS FAR AS MS. CALIFORNIA, THE DUMB BLOND SET HERSELF UP FOR THAT BACKLASH, WHICH SHE DESERVINGLY GOT. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT CAST JUDGEMENT AGAINST OTHERS, OR PRESS THEIR BELIEFS ON OTHERS…….SHE WILL NEVER REPRESENT ANY QUALITY OF MISS AMERICA.

  50. About SBOOO, well he was honest that -swinging- was important for him to have in a relationship. Quite often the appeal to swinging is that you do it as a couple. Swinging and one-sided polygamy are different sexually and emotionally for all parties involved. I, myself enjoy swinging with my partner, but if he told me he wanted to go have sexual experiences on his own, it would be a no-no.
    That being said, for someone to pick it apart as far as I just did would have to have very selective thinking. She convinced herself that for him it was with her or not at all and that was obviously not the case.

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