My husband and I have been
together for about four years and have been married for a little over a
year. He’s 31; I’m 27. We started out as friends and soon began a
long-distance relationship, until I got pregnant. We have a great
friendship, and honestly I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. Here’s
our problem: I have the sex drive of a 16-year-old boy, whereas he’s
practically asexual. The fact that we even got pregnant is quite
shocking.
Early on, it didn’t bother me
much—infrequent sex is common in long-distance
relationships—but now that we’re married, he would still rather
jack off to porn. I’m not hideous. I’m in great shape, my “amazing ass”
gets hit on all the time, and I’m an open-minded, porn-
loving
girl—but my husband isn’t interested. LAME. The sex he does give
me is quasi-forced, strictly missionary, and at most three times a
year. But the solo sex he has in front of the computer while I’m at
work happens three times a week at least. LAMER.
The topic has been discussed often.
Especially after I go out with friends and come home at an indecent
hour, upon which I must explain that I spent the night being chatted up
by blokes who noticed my “amazing ass.” He’s admitted that his sex
drive has been a problem in his previous relationships. I guess I’m
just getting to the point where one of these days, I’m going to fuck a
minor-league soccer team. Any thoughts?
Sexless And Desperate
Your husband—who is beating off three
times a week in front of the computer—is interested in sex, SAD.
He’s just not interested in sex with you or anyone else he’s ever been
with. But ultimately, the issue here isn’t sex. It’s about neglect and
selfishness and false advertising. (When we marry, we’re signing up to
fuck someone at least semiregularly for decades. Not interested
in fucking? Don’t marry.) Since he’s unlikely to change his
ways—his stunted, sexually selfish ways—you have just two
options: an open relationship or a new relationship.
Considering your compatibility and the fact
that you have a child, I’d encourage you to stay together. So an open
relationship it is—and he shouldn’t have a problem with that. If
sex doesn’t matter to him, if he’s indifferent to sex and/or you, then
it shouldn’t matter to him if you occasionally do this supremely
unimportant thing with other people and/or minor-league soccer teams.
So long as you’re a good and loving partner and coparent, and so long
as your family is your first priority, you should be free to seek safe,
sane, and nondisruptive sex elsewhere. Added perk for him: no more
quasi-forced sex with you.
And who knows? Maybe knowing that you’re
having sex with other dudes—or just knowing that you can have sex with other dudes—will cause your husband to develop a
bad case of sperm-competition syndrome (Google it), and the husband
will be inspired, fucking you three times a week instead of his
fist.
I’m 21, female, and pretty
experienced. The guy I’m dating now is 23 and a virgin. I’d really like
to avoid some of the awkwardness that I’m sure is going to arise,
seeing as I’m his first. (And has arisen—the first time we
attempted to do the deed, he was so nervous he couldn’t stay hard; he
also thought he was “in” when, in reality, he was humping my leg.) I’m
at a loss. Obviously this is going to take a lot of communication in
the moment; aside from that, do you have any advice for how to make
this less awkward for both of us?
First Isn’t Really Sexy Time
Mess around a few times—at least a
half a dozen times—with vaginal penetration off the menu,
ratcheting down the performance anxiety for your boy. Once he’s seen
that, yes, his dick does work—yes we can get hard, yes
we can stay hard, yes we can blow a load with a woman in the
room—then you can move on to vaginal intercourse. And take
control, FIRST: Tell him—as sexily as possible—what you’re
going to do before you get started, tell him what you’re doing while
you’re doing it, and then you can tell him when he’s “in” instead of
letting him guess.
And, finally, a little required reading for
the virgins out there and the people who are about to fuck some sense
into them: The Virgin Project. Illustrators K. D. Boze and
Stasia Kato interviewed all sorts of people—gay, straight, bi;
young, old, ancient—about their loss-of-virginity experiences.
The illustrated stories in The Virgin Project are moving,
hilarious, and heartbreaking in turn—sometimes all three at
once—and knowing that everyone’s first time is awkward, and that
some folks’ first times are unpleasant, and that most of us survive
them, might be good for your virgin, FIRST. It couldn’t hurt you to be
reminded of those things, either.
I appreciated your responses to Missing Kisses and Loses Interest Quickly, and I would like to share
what worked for me some years ago when I wanted to taste my own come
but was hesitant—and I’ve got two follow-up questions for
you.
My girlfriend (now wife), like LIQ’s wife,
was frustrated that my come-eating ambitions would disappear after
climax. So we figured out a way for me to eat it before I climaxed: I
masturbate into a ziplock bag and put it in the freezer. Then during
our lovemaking session we retrieve the baggie—she feeds it to me
in frozen chunks, or she lays the frozen pieces on her body and I lick
it up as it melts, preclimax of course. Because of these baby steps,
now on special occasions I even eat it “fresh” after I’ve come in
her.
Two questions: Could home-frozen
sperm—stored for 24 hours or so in a regular household
freezer—impregnate my wife? And if so, is there a risk of birth
defects or miscarriage? Also, we are interested in using my ejaculate
as an ingredient in cooking—are you aware of any legit recipes
that use human semen?
Coming Around To Cream Pies
Frozen spermsicles gross me out,
CATCP, and I arrive at this debate with a real affection for the stuff.
So I can’t imagine your idea will catch on, even among guys like you
and LIQ. Another reader had a better idea: a little tantric woo-woo.
“Through specific breathing patterns and concentration, you can make
yourself come without ejaculating; or you can ejaculate a little and
still be hard,” writes Mr. F. “I can bring myself to a ‘mini-orgasm’
where I just slightly come on my girlfriend’s tits, go right
back to riding her again, and tease her by licking a bit off. She
loves it.”
As for your questions…
“Sperm frozen in a household freezer would
probably be useless for insemination,” says David E. Battaglia, an
associate professor at Oregon Health & Science University and a
fertility consultant. “The issue isn’t genetic damage (there probably
wouldn’t be any). The issue is sperm survival. Sperm has to be frozen
in special solutions in order to survive, and we freeze it in
liquid-nitrogen temperatures.”
And while I’ve never cooked with
sperm—if it’s not in Mark Bittman’s How to Cook
Everything, it was either meant to be eaten raw or not at
all—there’s a cookbook out there for you: Natural Harvest: A
Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.
Oh Kip, stop kidding yourself, you ARE an asshole! It is a FACT and penis size or even your being a “landlord” has nothing to do with it. However, I prefer to think of you as a slumlord or if you want to go PC “a renter of substandard housing”.
Have you Googled yourself lately? A narcissist like you? Why am I asking? Of course you have! So you know that anyone who Google your name will know you are an asshole!
You didn’t mention that you are in default on around 40 or your “investment properties” in you self serving post. Karma is a bitch.
I had a similar problem to SAD. Turned out my bf was a porn creep (can’t get off to the real thing, only his own fist, and apparently not all that uncommon) and pedophile (at 19 I was “too old”).
I must suspect similar issues.
SAD is walking a fine line between loving her husband and loving herself. I feel her. To those who say dump him, you are jaded and do not seem to know anything about either love or marriage. Marriage is a commitment to one another which can take an infinite number of forms, yet comes down to helping each other live life.
Her partner is depressed for sure, and may have other issues and fears surrounding sex. He is most likely not gay or helpless. Deep inside he wants a good sex life too. It may be that they don’t have good chemistry with sex and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He feels shame and she feels horny.
I know, because I have been that guy. I can say that his issues may come and go, but it is possible for them to go away if he tries do deal with them. #56 speaks the truth about it.
SAD should talk to her husband. They can try to find a way to make things work -at least in the short term. Other posters suggested many ways to do this including Dan’s open marriage suggestion or making porn with him. I suggest to boost his confidence and help him feel safe. He must be willing to deal with those issues and fears and the depression for things to work. If her honest and direct efforts fail and her husband is not doing his part, only then may it be appropriate for her to seek a new partner.
It sucks to be with a partner with problems or to be the guy with problems. Life isn’t fair, but it can be good. I wish her the best of luck and congratulations on that ass.
I’m very frustrated,also sad, but I am very much in love with my boyfriend. I’m 49 years old and my partner is 50… He has not been in very many long term relationships, longest one has been 8 months, for my self I was married for many years then divorced because of a unhealthy relationship, my second relationship lasted almost 10 years then my boyfriend died in 2006. I met my new man in april of this year. we have great chemistry,laughing,spirituality, cry together, loving, enjoy tantra which he introduced me to. We love the intimacy it brings us.. I good go on, but i need to ask this question…He told me he used to masturbate allot, and give himself many orgasms,that’s cool i have to. But I think he is addicted to masturbating, I asked him if he still does and he was open and honest about it. He says not anymore, I truly want to believe him but research from what little i found was that a man gets a high from doing it himself, he has let himself go into me once after 6 months the other times we go a very long time making love because of the tantra we can both stop the ejaculation process (i Know that’s great) but he can’t ejaculate in me or even when he is still hard or has to pull out because he looses his hardness it becomes limp, Of course i don’t feel like I’m sexually attracted to him but i know i am by the way he touches and loves me, he uses the excuse of being tired or that maybe he’s not use to me i say bull crap! not to him though. The research also says, a man can get moody or not interested in having sex with their partner they are used to giving them pleasure only,,,I do every thing that turns him on we are both very open, he has taught me to love my body and not to be ashamed because of being used as a sex object all my life. He wants to be the best lover to me and he is, he tells me that no woman has made him so sexually attracted. We can talk about anything, except for his hand stimulating himself…i asked him once for honesty and told him that it was okay because he was alone so many years, hey I said i understand i have my toy also. please help me to find out if this is truly a problem or not, They also say that a man will have trouble focusing if they masturbate too much he has all the symptoms but i have no answers to go with, i’m sorry this is so long but i love my relationship and my man of course…but need help.
> Thanks sheila
>
> How difficult has it been to find a solid answer or solution to your question? – Very Difficult
> Why, specifically, would getting a solid answer or solution be important to you? How, specifically, would it change your life?
>
> I want this relationship to be full of trust, and to be a healthy one…I have come to a point in my life where I have found someone who is compatible and enjoys life the way most people should. I want to be there no matter what and work on our relationship with our selves and on each other.Hes brought so much fullness into my life he is a bonus and I know he feels that way also.
Kip,
Of course it is a well known FACT that any man who “casually” mention that another man has an inferior (ie smaller) penis 100% confirms that he is covering up worry about his own penis size.
But here is the thing, isn’t it enough that people have to be subjected to your balding head and greasy nasty ass pony tail not to mention the idiotic costume complete with red cowboy boots you parade around town in?
Then I read about your going 103 mph in a 55 mph zone resulting in your being arrest for a DUI. Since we all already know that you don’t think that rules or laws apply to you this was not big news. What was shocking is find out you are only 42 years old. Amazing, you don’t look a day under 55. I once heard you say “it gets easier after you make your first million” so why do you look like shit? And not just regualr shit but old shit?
Now, as if I have not suffered from to much Kip Schoning information already , I read your tiny penis comment. Well, at least it was short. Even briefly considering what secrets (besides your tiny dick) you might be hiding under your idiotic clown cloths makes me want to pull out my own eyes.
So fuck you for ruining my day.