Savage Love

1. The young couple would be best advised by an uncle who would have a sit down with BOTH of them. That loving uncle would discourage them from doing something that they might not be ready for. Then he would ask them what they know about birth control, and if they know how to get some.

   If I found out that my uncle or anybody did that to one of my bfs when I was 14, I would have been extremely pissed at him. Good way to ruin a relationship.

2. justme, I was just about to agree with you and then I remembered what MY life was like as a teenager and I thought…would I want to go back? Heck NO! Being an adult is much more fun than being a teenager. When you are a teen, you are too old for things you used to enjoy and too young for the new things you want to do. Most “family” or “kid” entertainment places cater to the under 12 crowd, while any place to do that isn’t babyish doesn’t really want teens hanging around (malls, restaurants, etc.) You aren’t allowed to make any decisions for yourself, other kids are mean to you but you have to go to school with them, and if you are unfortunate enough to have abusive or dysfunctional parents you basically live in hell with little chance of escape. Of course you are right that the last thing a teenager needs is to get pregnant on top of all that. But I would never, ever trade the difficulties in working, raising my own kids and all the joys and freedoms that go with that, for the hell that is adolescence. I feel sorry for my 13-year-old son sometimes because it is so hard for him to find books, movies and games that are appropriate for his age. (What makes it worse is that he’s an advanced reader and can read adult-level books but not all such books contain material that is interesting to him or age-appropriate.) Right now I’m happy to be 39 and NOT a teenager anymore!

3. When I was twenty, a young couple I’d just met at a friend’s barbecue approached me. Actually, he approached and said “My wife thinks you’re beautiful.” That was a nice opener because she was over on the blanket, she waved and smiled at me. Instead of making a date for that night, they asked me to dinner later in the week. We enjoyed a great time at a sushi place, then drinks, poetry, etc. at their place. I was trying to pretend I didn’t know why I was there and they were happy to not pressure me. The rest of the night was at her direction, down to the last detail. I was comfortable knowing she was in control and she was comfortable knowing a) I wasn’t a TOTAL stranger picked up at a bar, b) we’d both had plenty of time to reconsider and c) she’d never have to see me again. We all had a great time and when the sun came up the husband took me for breakfast and dropped me off at home. I like to think they both had as much fun as I did. They certainly seemed to know how to arrange a nice date for three.

   I’m straight but wouldn’t trade the memory of that night for anything.

4. @Cage

   If you want to enjoy womanflesh, you’re going to have to learn to stick your neck out. Why? It’s simple. Any “experienced” bisexual woman (regardless of her level of bisexuality) has learned that a sizable percentage of the available women in their area are either “faux-bi” girls looking for free drinks or doing it to satisfy the fantasies of their male S.O. If you’re allowing your boyfriend to make the first moves and your body language isn’t up to snuff (crossed arms, obvious glaring or ignoring his advances, etc.), they’re probably going to put you in the latter category and ignore his “game”. Bisexual women (when they’re on the prowl) are looking for willing cocks and pussies, not a willing cock and a “barely willing tongue.”

   Long story short, you’ll get better results if you make the first move (even if you get all goofy and tongue-tied). Introduce yourself, flirt a little (or stare at her all googly-eyed and make a comment about her level of attractiveness), then build up your courage and ask her out on a date. By yourself. If your boyfriend is always there, then his presence will be enough to make your intended ladylove wonder if you’re doing it because you want to, or because “he” wants you to do it. And no one who isn’t a rapist gets off on having sex with the unwilling.

   @NEWB

   As long as you’re enjoying the sex, your husband is enjoying the sex and the both of you are comfortable with talking about your likes and dislikes, the opinions of others are dross. So, whether your husband’s penis is the last penis that ever finds it’s way inside of your body or the two of you wake up one morning, look into each others’ eyes and say ‘Swingers club, we need to find one.” simultaneously, be thankful for what you’ve got. There are a lot of people in the world who’d be glad to have listless mechanical sex (as long as it involved another person), so there’s no reason to get mentally worked up about your lack of (or his surfeit of) experience.

   @ACLU

   Barring the word “kill”, Dan hit the nail on the head. Even the smartest 14 year old could always use an extra smack upside the head with the clue-by-four. And it’s better to float the ideas about pregnancy, child support payments/marriage, contraception, emotional attachments/abuse, etc. *before* you’re woken up at 2AM by a frantic call from your sister.

   *If* (I’ll re-emphasize *IF*) you have the type of relationship with your niece (and hopefully her parents) in which this type of information can be given without hurt feelings, I’d find a neutral area and give the talk to the both of them. Even if it makes their squick-meter hit the red zone. Forewarned is forearmed, and an “adult” chat with a knowledgeable relative can be far more effective than even a hundred government-based “abstinence/abstinence+/sexuality-redefining” programs. It’s easy to block out the cacophonous voices of paid shills, blocking out the face of a person who’s tried his or her best to lead you towards making sensible decisions is much harder. And yes, I’m saying that as a formerly “fatherless child” who had a few older male relatives around to lead me down the “straight and narrow”.

5. hell yes. and college is the best of both worlds

6. @54 – teenage years suck for sure, but everything you listed above (with the exception of possibly having abusive parents) are just trivial things. they are “difficult” in the minds of a teenager of course, (especially one lucky enough to have parents like yourself to guide them and tell them what is or isn’t appropriate for their age) but in the grand scheme of things they are not even remotely difficult in the real world. i certainly agree with you that being an adult is way more fun, and i’d NEVER go back… i was just trying to stress to @8 that anyone who thinks that 14 year olds don’t need parents or parent figures in their lives is sorely mistaken.

7. i also don’t think the first gal wants a three-way. she should have some one-on-one experience with girls, who will be much easier to meet if she leaves the boyfriend at home once in a while.

8. The advice to the uncle is ridiculous. Following Dan’s script will result in that boy running home to his parents to tell them all about the crazy, violent man who approached him out of nowhere. Next step: a criminal complaint. Please don’t take Dan’s advice this time.

9. There’s gotta be something missing from ACLU’s letter that Dan ran. How else to explain the vehemence of his advice? There was no indication – in the printed letter – that the boyfriend is behaving inappropriately or doing anything that would justify that sort of lecture, especially given its violent tone. It’s completely inappropriate for the uncle to say anything to this kid. Let’s role-play, shall we?

   – Uncle: “[Dan’s advice.]”
   – Boyfriend: {thinking, what the fuck?}
   – Boyfriend to his father: “This old gay guy threatened to kill me today, and also said some really wierd things.”
   – Boyfriend’s father to police: “[Repeat of what his son said.]”
   – Police to uncle: “You have the right to remain silent.”

10. Dan,

    +1 to your internets for the Logan’s Run reference.

    Great advice as usual too.

11. To NEWB
    At first I thought the advice wasn’t joined up thinking.

    I suppose if you take the line that 1) no amount of experience will quarantee a marriage that becomes sexually dysfunctional, 2) candid sexual commmunication skills (without fear of embarassment and judgement) are by far the most important prevention and salvation, 3) everyones needs are different, and 4) you are happy then that is sound.

    I wouldn’t criticize the friends at all because they are, at heart, well meaning.

    Getting married whilst the fullest expersion of ones sexuality is still work in progress has obvious problems…For example, can the marriage survive if bisexuality becomes a strong sexual need of one or both parties.

    7-9 years ago my wife and I were in the same shoes as this couple except we both were inexperienced. We thought we communicated as a couple, we could talk for hours, and we did have mutually orgasmic sex and we were walking-on-air happy in love.

    Now we are a bored, miserable, sexually dysfunctional couple that are reeling under the pressure of 3 kids in 2yrs 9.5 months, the youngest of which is 21 months.

    In reality we were naive, inhibited and insecure about sex and our ability to communicate about it. Once that was a state of blissful ignorance, but that ballon has popped. With respect to NEWB question we have found out that our sexlife is not meeting our sexual needs without reference to pervious sexual experiences with other people.

    Inexperience is working against us and we find it very hard to be exciting, original and creative in bed. Not much new works first time and it is hard dealing with the failures without damaging egos.

    By analogy I’ve seen this occur on the social partner jive dance scene where having a fixed partner soon frustrates the ability learn and recrimination sets in…thats why they recommend changing partners every dance as you get to learn from experience from advanced dancers and a virtuous circle of soaring confidence and self improvement set in without anyone person being lumbered with a bungling amateur for too long

12. As someone who has dated too many closeted gay guys (trust me, more than one is way too many) I say your advice to ACLU is spot on! Also, I see no problem with threatening a FOURTEEN (!!) year old who has the ability to impregnate another FOURTEEN (!!) year old. Neither one can probably grasp how scary it would be to become teen parents, so a more immediate threat probably does the trick just fine 🙂

13. I am a 40 year old, petite woman with a manner that causes most people to see me as a soft spoken intellectual sort…. and I’ve given the “You knock her up or cause her needless pain and I will do you lasting harm.” talk to at least a dozen young men over the years (And a similar talk a few girls who seemed to need it)…. funny thing is, when delivered in my gentle, intensely interested, sympathetic “I’m just trying to help you see a hazard so you can avoid it” way, these threats seem to hit home more deeply than the harsher version of the lecture.

    Dan’s reply was spot on and to those who say it’s none of the uncle’s business- Bull!
    Of course it is his business- it concerns the safety and happiness of a little girl who is a part of his family. If these kids were 21, I might agree that he needs to curb his involvement but they aren’t 21- they are 14 and still very much in need of guidance and a solid reason NOT to do anything dumb.People this young do not actually believe that they are vulnerable to things like STDs or pregnancy, but they DO believe in more “here and now” threats like getting their asses kicked into the next county by an angry relative.

14. To Pam Rivers: I love how you post a link to a blog lauding the virtues of one of the most violently anti-gay societies in the world and then complain about Maine failing to pass gay marraige legislation. How do you think that law would have done in Ramallah?

15. @63

    Mr-Blues, a person who has been in a monogamous relationship for 7-9 years is not a “bungling amateur.” Your lack of previous experience doesn’t make it impossible for you and your wife to keep your sex life satisfying. Your problem is in your marriage, period. You had too many babies in a ridiculously short period of time, which would strain anyone’s sex life. If you need to try different sexual partners, it’s because that is what you need now, not because your lack of previous experience destroyed your marital relations. It sounds like you want a scapegoat, and this is a silly thing to pin your problems on. Watch some porn! Get some toys! Don’t be so goddamned thin-skinned when you try new things, since you both know that it usually takes a couple of tries to make it work! Neither of you are amateurs, but the more you try to convince yourself that you are, the worse the situation will become.

    I know that this post is presumptuous and nagging, and I don’t mean to offend you. Just responding to the personal info you posted 🙂

16. Ok, I’m sure others have put this forward (and in fact I read a few), but being in a relationship and shy around girls doesn’t mean she’s not bi. Of course, I also agree that the jealousy suggests that she’s not ready for a three some.
    I’m an out and about bi-girl. When I was CAGE’s age, I had never “gone all the way” with a girl, but knew I was bi (how do you heteros know yer straight before you lose your virginity? you just know). Now I’m pushing 30, and have slept and had serious relationships with both men and women. I’m no more bi now than I was then- just older and more experianced. Due to bi-phobia (and simple math- there are more interesteed-in-girls men than interested-in-girls-women), I simply hadn’t had a girlfriend YET. I agree that there are girls who just make out with other girls to impress their boyfriends (and trust me, they all come on to me and get rejected), but CAGE doesn’t strike me a being like this at all. Personaly I think she just needs to tamp down the jealousy and either take the lead in a 3-some- or open the relationship.
    And if this is poorly typed and worded, ah well, I haven’t had my cofee yet.

17. Your advice to ACLU was the most uninformed, god-awful piece of rubbish you’ve ever published in this column. Your desperate attempt to win the admiration of your heterosexual readers makes me want to barf.

    The meddling uncle needs to mind his own business. He’s obviously in need of a new hobby if he takes this much interest in his 14 year old niece’s boyfriend. First of all, this is not 1982 and double pierced ears and a pink jacket do not necessarily read as “gay”. Even if the boy is a proto-queer, the niece getting pregnant and/or her heart broken and not the only potential (key word: POTENTIAL not “inevitable”) outcomes. They could very well go out for 18 months, the boy may come out to her and they end up being lifelong best friends, with her eventually serving as the “best man” at his commitment ceremony.

    Has it occurred to you that if the uncle has the conversation you suggested with the boy that the intimidated boy might go home and tell his parents about the crazy uncle threatening to kill him? I can guarantee you that I’d immediately be calling the cops and telling my son that he has to break it off with the girl and tell her exactly why. How do you think the “caring loving uncle” will enjoy that?

    Two final points: (1) The uncle obviously wants the 14 year old boy. I’m amazed that you didn’t call him out on this. Oh, that’s right, you feel the same way about 14 year old boys. (2) If you’re going to cite the UBC study that found that gay/bi teens were more likely to get pregnant/impregnate during their teen years, why didn’t you give us the percentages (and confidence intervals) of the gay/bi and het teens who do? It’s not like it’s 90% vs. 1%. I’m betting it’s MAYBE 4% vs 3%. Which would mean that 96% of gay/bi teens don’t get pregnant/impregnate, which would again show how horrible your advice to ACLU is.

18. If CAGE really is bi (and I’m not saying she isn’t), she needs to experience being with a woman by herself before going forward with a threesome. Go out (without the boyfriend) and hit on a girl. If it doesn’t work out, there isn’t anything lost. Grow a set and hit on someone. You won’t know until you try, and you’re not going to get anywhere just waiting for someone to hit on you.

19. There’s another fundamental problem with the awful advice to ACLU — how, exactly, does Uncle “pull the boy aside for a chat”? The letter doesn’t state that the Uncle lives with the niece, so is he going to start hanging out at his sister’s place after school? In today’s world (where, incidentally, wearing pink and having piercings is hardly an indication of sexual orientation), an adult man who says “c’mere little boy” is rightly viewed as a threat to public safety. And an old man who talks to an unrelated boy about sex – especially gay sex – is going to be seen as a nambla freak and, again, rightly locked up.

    Dan’s response to ACLU is so atrociously bad I have to wonder if he was stoned, drunk and trying to make some kind of point; otherwise, it’s hard to fathom how he could publish it.

20. 50 and 51: for the most part, when a 14 year old gets preggers in the developed world, it’s not considered her problem–hell, it’s not even considered the boy’s problem. it’s the parents who deal with it. adoption, abortion. mom and dad arrange it. the kids go on with their lives. no one expects them to get married, raise a family, get a job, go into debt. please.

21. at least in at least moderately educated families.

22. @ the people griping about Dan’s advice to ACLU – holy smokes, what a group of wusses. Honest to god. Dan didn’t say “Threaten to kill the guy”, and as for people saying they’d call the cops – holy smokes. The cops would do NOTHING in that situation, I’m guessing. Lastly, to people saying “If I were a parent, I’d tell the kid to break up with the girl, blah blah blah” You would? Really? Talk about over-protective sheep. Correct answer if your son ever comes home whining that a father or uncle or older sister (good job, sis!) threatened to beat their ass if they got their girlfriend knocked-up:
    “Oh? Well. There’s a simple answer to that – don’t get Betty pregnant. If you do, getting your ass beat will be the least of your problems.”

23. @ Ellarosa – yeah, there’s a solution – “Do whatever you want, to hell with the consequences, Mommy and Daddy will take care of EVERYTHING.” Holy shit.

24. @60, under what statute is it illegal to tell a kid to be careful with a niece? Did you actually think 1) uncle is supposed to seriously threaten the kids safety or 2) the kid, at 14, is going to run home and tell mom that his girlfriend’s uncle warned him not to seed the tweener? What’s mom going to say, “hay now! I’ve always wanted grandkids when I was 36!” ?

25. Dan, I usually agree with your advice, but what you have told ACLU doesn’t make sense. There is nothing to indicate that this little gay-ish boyfriend is going to impregnate ACLU’s 14-year old niece, other than a statistic from UBC. The advice does not address the heart of the question. Rather than threaten and harass this gentle young man, why shouldn’t the uncle talk to him frankly about sexuality?

26. @67 we are not proposing to swing, cheat or divorce and start again. That is where marriage and dance differ!

    I don’t want to reel off the failed trys…Oral (giving or recieving) hygeine issues, doggy frozen frigid too much like anal, toys they are slutty, porn degrading… moving beyond basic procreational sex is proving a cess pit of inexperience, insecurity, inhibition and more profound deeper sexual communication problems than ever Freud came across LOL

    In theory the journey of sexual self discovery of a couple should be enyoyable more so than the destination…but it sodding well feels like frozen waste lands, littered with mine fields and becalmed in the doldrums doomed to drift for ever with no end in sight all at once

    I that was a rant…so be it

27. @ mr blues… you both need to get the fuck over yourselves if you want to actually fix whats wrong.

    doggy style is too much like anal? whose thoughts are those, yours or your wife’s? if they’re yours then you need to get the stick out of your butt, and if they’re hers you need to find out what’s really wrong. i suggest you guys get into counseling.

    from a non-informed-non-professional-yet-experienced-with-trying-to-incorporate-good-sex-into-new-family-stress point of view, it would appear that your wife is not interested in sex because:

    a) she’s got 3 freaking kids to chase after – she’s exhausted
    b) she’s feeling self-conscious about her war-torn body (doesn’t matter how many times you tell her she’s beautiful – she has to adjust to the changes herself)
    c) her body has physically changed internally, meaning things that used to get her off simply don’t anymore (this happens to those of us who are experienced too)
    d) you’re putting entirely too much pressure on fixing it for her to feel secure enough to explore

    both of you need to lighten the fuck up, have some fun, and get over your hurt feelings and insecurities. if you can’t do it on your own, seek the advice of a professional sex counselor.

28. @77 Really? Cause as a teenager, a young teenager, I always felt the best person to talk about sex with was my friend’s uncle who dropped in one day to “talk to you frankly about sexuality”. I think that gets you arrested here in the South.

    Come on. That kind of “threat” is common and I think well followed up with the rest of Dan’s advice, which allows the kid to know that there’s someone to talk to if he wants to talk. And if not, no emotional scarring done.

29. Also, for NEWB. I have learned and experimented more in my seven-year long relationship with one man than I did with all of my other partners combined.

30. I love Dan Savage. And…scene.

31. @55: HOT

32. Oh Dan, how I wish I had had a ‘concerned uncle’ like you when I was a 14-year old girl. So much heartache might have been avoided. Love you!

33. #66 I agree about Pamela Rivers (#18 and #19)…

    What the fuck? Why did you give two links to that blog? Am I missing something?

34. justme,

    Comment number 8 didn’t say that 14 year olds don’t need parents, but that they don’t need nosy arrogant adults making their life worse. And that’s what would happen if a random adult jumped in to make threats rather then engage in respectful conversation.

    Why do you assume that the default is that they will get pregnant unless suitably threatened. Depending on where they live, 14 is usually old enough to have had sex education. That doesn’t mean no guidance is better then some guidance, but it’s insulting to assume that the alternative to threats is pregnancy.

    Also, comment 8 might be young (but in my experience 14 year olds don’t refer to themselves as fragile), but it’s a fallacy to assume they are wrong because you are older (especially when you are only assuming you are older).

    Being a teenager is difficult. You may have convinced yourself it wasn’t that bad, or had a privileged childhood, but for most youth it means regular disrespect from adults, never being treated as an equal, being seen as incapable of making decisions, legally not allowed to sign a contract, hell, in my state I wasn’t even allowed to buy matches for a gas stove at age 17! You may disagree, but I’d rather face the harsh “real world” of being an adult then the “triviality” of being forced to sit next to the same bullies everyday with the school doing nothing and face daily disrespect of being a second class citizen without legal personhood.

35. I got “the talk/threat” from so many dads as a young teenage guy dating their daughters…didn’t really phase me so much as make me laugh a bit from the tension. We’d still fool around, use condoms…nobody got hurt or pregnant. It’s just a part of growing up.

36. I will be quoting this for years: “seeing as he’s a perfect little gentleman now and likely to be a perfect little pillow-chomping bottom when he grows up (or one of those rare fashion-forward tops).”

37. @79 just me
    I could easily rise to the bait. Some specifics

    The pressure of family is life not an excuse to give up

    Anal is her phobia and she transfers that into gay/bi men hatred because of what she fears they must enjoy doing.

    We are both still horny. She will frequently see to her needs in the bath as well as try to initiate sex. We still do have orgasmic basic procreational sex. However, we both easily admit our sex is now formulaic. Collectively attempts to intiate variety and fun are failing more than succeeding. She is in fantastic shape for her age regardless of three kids and it is not only me saying it.

    Yes in the long run counselling is going to be essential, but we don’t have the financial means to access it for now. I am trying to suggest self help stuff from books.

    We are not at all alone with this. I’ve lost count of the number of married men in chat-room I’ve spoken to who describe the same patterns of frustrations

38. Getting back to the point with CAGE, bi does not mean you like threesomes. In fact, if your bf is ok with it, I would strongly recommend you try for some one-on-one girl experience before trying the threesome thing.

    Me, I’m queer, and I’m happy to be with bi women. But not if the guy is part of the package. Sure, there will be some people up for threesomes, but that might be narrowing down the potential chick-pool a bit.

    Oh, as for the judgemental twats here criticising CAGE for not having had girl-sex yet – hello, did you hit the ground queer as soon as you were born? Everyone has a first time; and, guess what, it isn’t always in the years between 15 and 20.

39. This is NEWB (for real).

    To #9, I really meant what I said when I stated I didn’t want to open up the relationship. I know that would hurt his feelings a lot, and I am frankly rather put off even by guys getting too flirty. Just feels “icky” somehow, I tried dating multiple guys at once, but I’m really a monogamist at heart. And my concerns are probably just leftover from an ex-boyfriend in my teens who claimed that if I didn’t sleep with him then, no man would want me now. I guess it got to me more than it should have, so it makes it harder to ignore the negative comments now. But I guess it’s a pretty common cognitive bias to remember the negative comments more than the good.

    To #63: Are you calling my fiance or me a “bungling” amateur? If he’s still happy with me and he’s had about 7 years more experience than me I must be learning at least something. I’m genuinely very sorry things haven’t been going well for you, but it could also have been having three kids in under three years that’s a problem.

    And just generally thanks to the people who’ve posted some encouragement.

40. NEWB: Ignore your friends. I’ll give you the only sex advice I gave my kids: You cannot learn good sex from a book. You cannot learn good sex from movies or your friends. You cannot learn good sex from other people. There is only one way to learn good sex, and that is from your partner. People are just too different. What one person craves, drives another crazy. People are not mind-readers. You need to learn to say what you enjoy and to allow your partner to say what they enjoy. Why try multiple partners waiting for one to magically do what makes you feel good? It’s much better to establish a relationship where you can simply ask for what makes you feel good. Mutiple partners makes no sense to me. We all have approximately the same equipment.

41. My wife too had only had oral when we first met, yet I was very experienced. Now 17 years later she is still the best I ever had and we still have great sex 4 to 5 times a week. Thing is we communicate what we like and work to make the other happy, which they then return the favor. In a way it always makes me feel good that she was inexperianced, that way I got to show her the pleasures, she now has came up with a few new ones herself..

42. PGofHSM asks the following REMARKABLY INANE question: “How did CAGE get involved with girls before she met her boyfriend? Or is she one of those “bisexual” girls who’s never actually had sex or a relationship with another woman — until she’s with a guy who’s gung-ho for a threesome?”

    What crap!!! Assuming PGofHSM is a guy, I would ask him this question: “Did you know that you were straight/gay prior to having sex for the first time?” Of course! Duh!!! It is so insulting when morons say stuff like this. I knew I was gay long before I was old enough for sex. If the girl says she’s bi, I would believe her. DOWN WITH DUMB-ASSED STEREOTYPES!

43. Re: “Your advice to ACLU was the most uninformed, god-awful piece of rubbish you’ve ever published in this column. Your desperate attempt to win the admiration of your heterosexual readers makes me want to barf. The meddling uncle needs to mind his own business.”

    Good Lord, people.

    1. Watching over family is one’s business. Kids get pregnant far less often when adults supervise and set expectations. MYOB does NOT ever pertain to kids. It’s our job to protect them. All of them.

    2. The real dialogue:

    Cop: What did you tell this kid?
    Uncle: That I’d kill him if he got my niece pregnant.
    Cop: Right on. You know how many pregnant kids I’ve seen in nowhere lives? Hey niece …
    Niece: Yes, officer?
    Cop: Listen to your Uncle. Hey boyfriend …
    Boyfriend: Yes?
    Cop: Nice coat. And I’ll throw you in jail after he kills you, if you get her pregnant.

44. I’m in a similar situation to NEWB, I’ve had some sexual experience but not much compared to come people, and not as much relationship experience as my boyfriend. We are a few years apart and I worry about the sexual differences, but we are both very happy and it was nice to hear for once that an open relationship isn’t always the answer (especially because he’s not down with that).

45. Ah, Dan. I’ll never forget a comment you made in in this column in 1993: “Fence-sitters, nose-pickers. The shadowy world of the bisexual makes me want to vomit”. As a horndog 19 year old lesbian living on Capitol Hill, I thought it was the funniest, most astute thing I’ve ever read. Now, 16 years later, I guess we’ve both mellowed- you’re giving advice to young inexperienced bisexuals instead of demeaning them, and I’m living in Alaska with a partner of 9 years.

46. Teenage boy? Threaten to kill him. Problem solved.

47. CAGE:
    If you have jealousy issues about your bf being with another girl, why not try hooking up with a couple? The guys watch while the girls have fun with each other, and then the guys can fuck their girlfriends. That way, you don’t really have to share your bf, and he still gets off (and what straight guy doesn’t want to watch two girls getting it on?).

48. @NEWB: Your “friends’ ” opinions are irrelevant. How many partners you or your partner have had is none of their business. And you can tell them to shut their pieholes. They’re probably just jealous that you have such a good thing going on.

49. Dan,

    Surely this must be a topic for the next column: Bart Stupak has an election coming up next year. Let’s keep this douchebag out of Congress.

50. Also on the chopping block, besides Stupak of Michigan: Brad Ellsworth from Indiana, Marcy Kaputur from Ohio, Dan Lipinski from Illinois, Kathy Dahlkemper from Pennsylvania, Chris Smith from New Jersey, and Joseph Pitts from Pennsylvania.

    I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m actually less concerned with Smith and Pitts and more concerned with rest of the folks on this list, the most prominent “Democratic” supporters of the Stupak amendment. I expect this bullshit from Republicans, but the Democrats on this list? Fuck them. They don’t get to use our party to get into office anymore.

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