I’m a woman who wants to be spanked. But I’m overweight and self-conscious. Men who like to spank women like to spank petite women. Sometimes I’ll search kinky personal sites or other online forums and find someone who might want to spank me. But I get scared and I back out. Most recently, I’ve been talking to a trucker who stops at rest stops along his routes around the country and meets with/spanks women. He is patient and encouraging, and has references, and has directed me to boards with all this safety information, and insisted on getting to know each other via e-mail and phone conversations before we actually meet. This makes me trust him and feel better when I think about going to meet him.
But I still feel like it’s a very bad idea. Nobody knows I have a fetish for this stuff, so I can’t tell anyone where I’ll be going, and I feel like going to meet a stranger on a highway so he can beat me is a very stupid thing to do. Plus, if he kills me, everybody will scream, “Well, what did you think would happen!” at my fat dead body.
What do you think?
She Wants A Tanning
I think meeting strange men in rest stops is a bad idea generally, SWAT, and meeting strange men in rest stops for a beating seems like a particularly bad idea. There are probably lots of decent and kind truckers out there, some of them kinky, and they have just as much right to pursue their sexual interests as anyone else. (And I’m going to be hearing from them after this column appears.) But you are not the right person for a kinky rest-stop hookup with a near-stranger.
This has nothing to do with your size, SWAT, and everything to do with your self-esteem issues and your isolation. I’m not saying this particular trucker is a crazed serial killer or an abuser. But serial killers and abusers seek out women who are isolated and have self-esteem issues, vulnerable women they can manipulate and exploit. Until you can approach someone with some confidence and with at least one confidant, you shouldn’t be making dates to see anyone.
Repeat after me: “Some men like big women. Some men like spanking women. Some men like spanking big women.” For those men, your big ass is an asset, SWAT. Also: “I can’t meet someone for a kinky hookup—in a rest stop or a hotel room or someone’s apartment—unless someone knows where I’m going, who I’m with, and when I’m expected home.”
My boyfriend of six months has a weird dick-area odor. It’s worse after a long day, but it’s there even after he showers. It’s this sickly sweet rotting smell that makes it hard for me to give him oral. Even jacking him off can be tough when I get a whiff. In all the years I’ve been sexually active, I’ve never smelled anything like this. I wonder if it might be that he was in a brutal car accident years ago that messed up his innards. He’s one of those closed-off stoic types who hasn’t had much luck or help in life, including follow-up care after the accident, and he also doesn’t take the best care of his health—heavy smoker, doesn’t eat right or exercise (although no drugs).
When we first got together, he seemed like a confident, happy, dominant man, the first man of this type I have ever met who also treated me respectfully. As the relationship wears on, I am finding that he is locked up tightly with insecurities. He worries everything down to shreds and hates his job but won’t leave it because “he helps people there,” despite being royally screwed wagewise. If it were one problem or the other, I would suck it up for the sake of the most supportive relationship I’ve ever had. But iron emotional control + horrible dick odor = I have to get stupid drunk to have sex with him. Do you know what the odor might be? And should I wait to see if he loosens up more with time (his request when I talk about the emotional issue) or get on with my life solo?
One Dick Only Reeks
Our bodies have two types of sweat glands, ODOR, eccrine glands, which are all over our bodies, and apocrine glands, which are concentrated in our armpits and crotches. Apocrine glands pump out ranker-
smelling sweat, and these glands pump out more sweat when a person is stressed out—and it sounds like your boyfriend is always stressed out. And since the fluids that come out of our bodies—spit, piss, come, and sweat—are composed of what we put into our bodies, your boyfriend’s shitty diet and his cigarette addiction aren’t helping matters much, either.
If you love him, ODOR, be straight with him: If he wants to keep you in his life, he needs to loosen up, improve his diet, and see a doc and a dermatologist about the crotch stank.
I have recently been toying with the idea of doing electro stuff, but I’m worried that it could get ugly. Suppose you have a battery-powered vibrator in your ass and two of those electricity-conducting e-stim pads on either ass cheek. I have horrible mental images of the vibrator exploding in my ass. Am I being completely irrational? I need a kinky electrician to guide me! Thanks so much for all that you do!
The Electric Company
“He has nothing to worry about,” says David, the mad genius behind SexTek, which makes and markets erotic e-stim gear, and my go-to guy for all e-stim questions. “The electrical bits in the vibrator won’t be bothered in the slightest by the e-stim currents flowing nearby, and the vibrator won’t interfere with the e-stim. Assuming your device is made for use on the human body, the low power currents involved only stimulate nearby nerves and muscles. The vibrator won’t be bothered at all. But make sure you’re using a proper commercial e-stim device and read the manual. Most electrosex injuries occur when someone uses the wrong equipment or improvises.”
Yeah, yeah: The guy who sells commercial e-stim products is telling TEC to buy a commercial e-stim product. Anyone who thinks David is wrong—anyone who thinks exploring e-stim without first purchasing equipment designed to be used for e-stim play—is welcome to stick the frayed end of an extension cord up his butt and then report back to us about how that worked out for him. The e-stim-curious with sense, however, will take David’s advice and check out the products available at www.sextek.com and those made by other e-stim companies.
Any last-minute Xmas gift ideas, Dan?
Nothing Under Tree
Sure, NUT: Tinsel, my friend Hank Stuever’s brilliant and hilarious new book about America’s Christmas present; Every Man Dies Alone, a chilling 1947 novel by Hans Fallada about life under the Nazis (Fallada was a German novelist who barely survived the war and didn’t live to see his masterwork published); the bondage enthusiasts on your list will love the hemp rope for sale at www.twistedmonk.com; and the ET302R available at www.sextek.com makes the perfect stocking stuffer. 
SWAT needs to realize that you can omit details. It’s perfectly possible to tell a friend that you are going to meet someone for a date and leave out the part about hoping for a nice spanking, or where exactly you found this person or why. It’s almost 2010, so everyone should have at least one friend who doesn’t think internet dating is odd.
And while the truck bed at a rest stop may be the most economical and easiest place for the trucker, there is also no reason SWAT can’t get herself a hotel room instead, and make the trucker buy her dinner first.
good advice to swat, but in addition i hope she finds someone to tell, someone she can trust, to act as a safety.
swat, i’m sorry you’ve met only er, swatters who want petite women, but perhaps if you found a local group you’d at least find like-mindeds.
and at a minimum you might also meet other women who could act as your reality check for size and self esteem matters. this could lead to you actually meeting someone known locally as safe and sane.
I agree with @1. Tell a friend you are going on a date with a guy you met on the internet. Tell the friend the name of the guy, and where you will meet. (You can pick someplace less skanky than a truck stop. Like a coffee shop followed by a motel. And yes, tell the friend you plan to meet the guy at the coffee shop and if it goes well, you plan to go to the XYZ hotel.) And tell the friend when you are expected home.
Half the single people in my office have tried internet dating. She MUST have a friend, or at least a friendly acquaintance, who is comfortable with the idea of internet dating.
ODOR’s boyfriend doesn’t sound like much of a catch, smells excluded. Life’s too short for insecure whiners.
#6, Kelly 69, why so dismissive? Did you get the part where he treats her with respect, and this is the “most supportive relationship” she’s ever had? He’s not a whiner at all… too stoic, she said. I think he’s worth reha-smell-itating. Dan’s right… what he puts in his body has a huge input as to how he smells. Cigarettes are the worst for body odor. I’d feed him a lot of dark leafy greens, like parsley, to cleanse. It works for breathe, that’s for damn sure. Smoking would be a dealbreaker for me… can you get him to quit? Surely he smells it too.
You know, I’ve noticed that on this site and others, anonimity seems to make people say shitty things and give shitty advice… like saying someone’s beloved boyfriend “isn’t much of a catch.” Would you say that to a friend of yours? Consider the impact of your words. Life’s too full of negativity as it is.
damn.
i could use a big ass to swat right about now…
why aren’t there enough bigger women into spanking in seattle?
i brought my paddle collection for (nearly) nothing.
drats.
ODOR should see if she can get her boyfriend onto a healthier diet before she gives up and dumps him. My guy’s crotch area reeks horribly when he’s been drinking and eating fast food. It’s not delicious-smelling when he eats healthy, but it’s definitely bearable.
Also, dude could use some therapy. Good luck getting Mr. Manly Stoicism to go, though. Just another way in which socially-constructed masculinity screws men over.
There’s a great book called “Boxed Lunch” about the art of giving head to women. One of the main reasons I bought it is it has food suggestions to make your crotch smell nicer. On the top of the list was pineapple and kiwi fruit, on the bottom of the list was asparagus, broccoli, cigarettes and alcohol. Hope that helps!
Yes @1, absolutely. What people forget is that meeting up with a stranger for sex or kink in a private location is exactly as dangerous as meeting up with a stranger for absolutely anything else in a private location. A college classmate of mine was murdered while she was answering a fake craigslist ad claiming to be seeking a children’s nanny.
So…why say anything about spanking or sex? What’s important is that a friend knows where you’ll be, with whom, and when, not why and what you’ll be doing. What’s even more important is that the person you’re meeting knows that someone is waiting up for you and will come looking for them by name if anything happens to you.
I just want to throw out there that they have done studies where attraction or non-attraction to a parter’s smell was a good indication of mating compatibility. If ODOR is really turned off by his non-crotch smell, then perhaps this gentleman is not really the best one for her.
Dan, these are just charming. Thanks for saving the best Savage Love for us this season. When combined, SWAT ODOR TEC NUT sounds like a funky new DJ or techno dance band at Re-Bar. Seperate them all out and the visual image makes you gag as your eyes water.
As always, your responses are spot on and invigorating. Thank you for all the notable columns and commentary you put out for our entertainment and illuminaion.
Happy Holidays to you all, Dan, Terry, DJ and Stinker as well as the entire Stranger staff and fellow sloggers.
Wishing you all well. Take good care.
There may be an easy answer for ODOR – is she sure her guy knows how to clean himself properly? Pubic hair can trap a lot of smells, and if he just stands in the shower and lets himself get wet (without actually using soap and washing), all he’s going to get are wet odors instead of dry ones. It might be worth asking her guy if he’d be willing to reduce the amount of pubic hair down there – that would probably help no matter what.
@4 – intelligent design and evolution are two very different things.
Am I an asshole for attempting to start an argument over that? If so, sorry.
Having someone know where you are going won’t save you nor will giving a name unless you can verify it.I suggest a faxed license copy.If someone won’t send that ya should skip it.If they don’t match the pic in public, go home.. no friend needed, tho don’t tell them that.
Dear Dan:
I would suggest strongly to your readers to read “seul dans Berlin : ( the french title of every man dies alone) by Hans Fallada. Most probably one of the best novel writen . I would also suggest to read the novel : “the Yacoubian Building” by Alaa El Aswany and of course “Julian”by Gore Vidal.
Wishing each of you and your loved ones a merry Christmas
To ODOR- like others have said, there are things you can at least try to do about the smell, like persuading him to eat better and maybe get some exercise…try showering with him to make sure he’s using soap properly.
But six months in and you’re talking about “iron emotional control,” “locked up tightly with insecurities,” “closed off,” “worries everything to shreds,” and you have to get drunk to have sex with him. Are you sure this is the most supportive relationship you’ve ever had? Do you think it will continue to be? Sounds like hard work, and quite draining. Not that you should dump him immediately, but please do keep your eyes open. He may need more help than you can give him.
first..never, ever think you are less of a person or unattractive because of you size! i’m in an extremely sexy, kinky and loving marriage with a man who drools over my plump thighs and my spankable ass. it’s how you present it!
and for the girl who hate the way her man’s crotch smells…ever try taking a shower with him first and giving him a very thorough and fun scrubbing with a deoderizing body wash? or maybe getting him some antipersperant/deoderant spray that you like and you just happen to mention that it makes you want to lick him all over, so he should absolutely give a spritz in those certain places he likes you to lick? also, if this and diet, etc doesn’t work maybe talk to him about the possibility of some botox shots to shut down a few of those sweat glands. …and remember, scent is more important to attraction than ppl realize and sometime people’s chemistries don’t suit..but if the whole pkg is worth it, you’ll find a way. (p.s…a little mentholated ointment under your nostrils can mask the smell of rot and dead, so crotch stink shoukd be no problem!)
kinky girl…there are more men than you can point a paddle at who noy only are ok with a girl who’s not skinny, they like it better. more ass to slap, more thigh to lick. presntation baby! get allll dolled up and smelling nice ?d men will line. BUT! until you have a great safety system in place. you’re gonna have to play by youself!
and as to crotch odor…try taking a shower and give him a suuuper scrubbing! get some really good quality tea tree shampoo. also, a spritz here & there of a deod/antipersperant should freshen up. (around the area, not ON) if nothing else they do use botox to get sweat glands under control! BUT some ppl’s chemistery’s just don’t mesh…but if he’s worth it? you’ll figure it out!!
ODOR, after broaching the subject, you might want to try to get your guy to try Bodymint.
http://www.bodymint.com/
Pamela River sounds like a new age freak. “caress my leana with your tongue”? Seriously? Should I also elevate the chakra of your yanni with my phallus? Ugh. Personally, I don’t want my sexytime to sound like outtakes from a renaissance faire or dungeons and dragons.
my ex had a sickly sweat smell from time to time, and he was also an overweight, heavy smoking, non-exercising bundle of fun. There is also a condition called maple something that causes people who suffer from it to have sweat that smells like maple syrup covered bad meat. He should definitely see a doctor, as well as follow the diet and quit smoking advice people have given.
If those crotch sweat glands are in overdrive when someone is stressed and ODOR’s bf is pretty nearly always stressed out, maybe SSRIs are in order. They’ll calm him down, help him quit smoking, and maybe solve the stink.
But showering together sounds like a very easy first step. You don’t even have to mention what it’s about.
But — if you’ve got a worrier on your hands I’d bet my left boob that this guy already knows something’s up. You might think you’re being sly about hiding that gagging reflex anytime your nose gets South of his neck, but I’m guessing you’re not as subtle as you think you are. Poor guy has probably added this to his list of things to worry-about-but-not-fix. Help him fix it:
“Honey, you know what I really want for Christmas? I really want you to see someone, a doctor or a therapist, about your stress. You’re so stressed out by your Big Manly problems and it would make me so happy to see you happy.”
I agree completely with Dan about SWAT: this woman can not go meeting people while she’s got so little self-confidence. A person with the wrong intentions can see her coming a mile away, and she won’t be able to pick out the asshole til it’s too late.
And SWAT: some of the coolest, most graceful, athletic, sexy women I’ve known were really big. It’s all in the way you feel about yourself. When you figure out how to love every inch of yourself, and you’re healthy and strong (physically and otherwise), you’ll carry yourself that way and people will stand aside and want to BE you. That’s no new-age BS, either!
To Pamela River
Crotch: Any region of an object where a trunk splits into two or more limbs. This can include branching regions of trees, buildings, diagrams, animals, etc.
Arm pit is a literal translation from latin.
Researchers have discovered that women adjust their menstrual cycles when exposed to chemicals from the underarm. I assume the same may apply to the crotch and that it has something to do with procreation
SWAT seems to believe that spanking is a horrifying, scandalous fetish that can be confessed only to a sex-advice columnist. But at this point in the development of our collective sexual unconscious (God, I need to end this sentence soon), spanking is hardly even a fetish anymore. It’s certainly not something that only anonymous truckers can provide. SWAT, honestly, most men you date will be happy to slap you around a little, and will love your large ass. Instead of meeting this “patient, encouraging” trucker, work on finding actual dates, and the rest will come in due time. I know whereof I speak. And DON’T MEET THE TRUCKER.
ODOR: This sounds like a clear case of DTMFA.
19: “first..never, ever think you are unattractive because of you size! … it’s how you present it!”
31: “SWAT, honestly, most men you date … will love your large ass.”
Okay, I cannot take it. Gawd. Stop. Let’s be adults for a moment, okay? Attractiveness is a relative measure, and all of us are in the beauty contest. Just like “smart” is something determined by reference to others, not simply how you feel about yourself in some Stuart Smalley (sp?) way. Accepting that others will be smarter or prettier or richer than you is part of life.
Most people figure all this out about the time they watch their classmates select the bitchy, hot cheerleader for prom queen rather than the plump chick with a great personality.
And people need to really accept something: most guys do not like relatively big asses on women. Some guys do, yes. Most don’t.
Most women do not like smelly, tightly-wound gusy either. Some (perhaps) do. Most don’t.
We must deal with those basic facts of life, heavy gals and smelly, tightly-wound guys.
So please don’t fall into that self-delusion that if you are just sparkly and shiny enough as a person, that will somehow make the target of your hormones love your fat ass or smelly underwear. They won’t, unless they are already into that. And relatively few people are into fat asses or smelly underwear.
Oh, and there is no Santa Claus. In case that too was never clear. Good luck, and remember you are all children of stardust, or some stupid shit like that…
If he has trouble leaving a job he hates because he helps people, then he must be a sweet guy who needs some help to see alternatives. Perhaps there’s another job he could do that helps people? Perhaps asking him to dream about his perfect job would be a way to start finding something else he could do? Look for jobs that meet more of his criteria than the present one and are lower stress.
Also maybe you could find some fun ways to relax him? An aromatherapy bath with you scrubbing him could help with all of it.
Also ask if he’d be willing to see a therapist. Worrying everything to shreds must make his stress levels even higher. A cognitive behavioral therapist can help him develop new ways to control his thoughts rather than letting them control him. Medication may help too, if he has an anxiety disorder, but try the cognitive therapy first, guys can be peculiar about medicine. Also, counter-intuitive as it may sound, I suspect he’ll do better with a woman therapist. Another man may trigger his face-saving show-no-weakness masculine behaviors. A woman may allow him to open up more, particularly if he had a good relationship with his mother.
What an asshole you are grinchbinch. There is someone for everyone, if Savage Love proves anything. Maybe you are not into smelly underpants or fat asses, but someone out there is.
Get over yourself.
Fat girls know they are fat. They are told no one will ever love them because they are fat by tv commercials and assholes like you. There are men and women who are into many shapes and sizes. Me I love a big woman. I am not into skinny girls. The love of my life is a skinny girl and insecure about her body sometimes too.
I agree with teh advice, find someone to date, or to sleep with, whatever makes you happy, then just ask him to spank you.
@28: I dunno. I’d never underestimate the cluelessness of the average man when it comes to stuff like this.
@SWAT: Completely agree that SWAT needs to boost her self-image and confidence before meeting (relative) strangers for sex. I would suggest exercise as a valuable method; not because of her size, but because of the endorphin release and psychological benefits. I started biking as my only form of transportation over the summer (I biked just for exercise in addition to this). I was about forty-five pounds “overweight”, and I lost ten pounds or so over the last six months (probably more adipose, since I gained muscle). I’m still “fat” by normative social standards, but I feel soooooo much better: more powerful and capable and self-assured, thanks to my much improved stamina and muscle strength (but not figure). I felt like an overweight, out-of-shape sack of crap for the first three to four weeks (why I and I’m assuming others don’t exercise when they haven’t for a while), but if one can just stick with it past that point, one starts feeling so much better. The realization that one can do something that before was difficult or impossible is a HUGE ego boost.
@ODOR: The description “sickly sweet rotting smell” could be indicative of a bacterial infection (as bacterial action is responsible for the sickly-sweet smell associated with actual rotting things); this is particularly likely if he’s not circumcised and doesn’t take care to clean underneath his foreskin when he showers (or doesn’t shower all that much).
@Pamela River: Apocrine glands play a major role in mammal scent-identification and pheromone function. It’s an evolutionary advantage in that individuals with similar genetics and environments (community groups before the development of long-distance travel) will have similar scents, allowing quick identification of unseen individuals in pre-linguistic environments. This is why dogs, for example, sniff crotches as a “Hello!” The flip side of this is that people may find the smells of others with dissimilar genetics/lifestyles/environments to be displeasing, as this promotes group bias, which favors ones own genetic stock for survival. This can become problematic once people with dissimilar genetic backgrounds begin to intermingle, though eventually, given enough crossover between historically divergent genetic populations, this will cease to be a “problem”.
@Slartibartfast: Actually, depilation typically makes armpits/crotches smell worse, as the excreted fluids stay sandwiched between/on skin instead of being directed away where they are better-able to evaporate (more surface area).
#32, you are wrong. so very wrong…
i hate going to clubs with my sister. im 5’5, size 7 with big boobs and a small waist. pretty face, nice skin… i get attention. but my sister, who easily outweighs me by 70lbs or more gets A LOT of attention. she’s funny, confident and men love her. in high school, she had a terrible time, i won’t lie. but as you get older and (hopefully) more mature, you stop giving a fuck what other people think about who you SHOULD fuck and start giving a fuck about who YOU want to fuck.
so, yesterday, when my sister and i stopped to do some christmas shopping, and once again the cute guy hit on her, i decided that i’m going to stop worrying so much about making it to a size 3. im cute as a 7, and i like having boobs and an ass.
oh, and p.s. her husband, who doesnt care that she’s big, is kinder, sweeter and more generous than any douchebag i’ve dated who ‘kindly’ suggested i hit the gym to lose those last 10lbs.
Can we just ban the phrase “nice/great personality”? It doesn’t mean a damn thing. What’s a great personality? Why is it so bad to have a good personality? Is there that much more to a person than their CONDUCT and mental attitude (because now you’re digging really deep)? There are so many components to a personality that you can nail it so much more specifically.
What “good personality” usually means is that they’ve got a positive attitude or appealing character. That someone has good conversation skills, is friendly/smart/clever/intelligent, tells good jokes, something. Broken down this way, such a person sounds *awesome.*
Compare:
“The chubby chick with a great personality”
“The chubby chick who’s easygoing, approachable, and tells hilarious jokes”
Suddenly she doesn’t sound so bad.
You know how we come here to bitch about crazy people, people who won’t reason, people who whine non-stop, people who want to “accidentally” expose their mothers-in-law to their sons’ sexual kinks? They have shitty personalities.
People we actively like to be around are rare. We’re overdue to revive “great personality” as a genuine compliment, and way overdue to ban it as a cliche opposite to “physically attractive.”
@SWAT: Personally I like a submissive with a little padding. I can hit her harder. I would make two suggestions. First, before you play with this guy have at least one face-to-face vanilla date. That way you can judge him in person. Second, you should arrange for a safe call, and let him know it. Sometime during the play session, somebody should call you to make sure you’re all right. Check the following site for more details.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article…
Pamela River @ 5, why not try the latin names, which are really quite lovely: Armpit becomes axilla, which has such a soft sighing quality, and the crotch morphs in to the crura, which has a sweetly crooning sound. Pudenda is also fun–kind of giggly.
Man, zzzerogirl, that’s a shit thing to be told. I’m sorry!
I actually had one guy who told me NOT to lose weight because he found skinny girls to be unattractive & irritating. I am 5’7″, 200lbs and NOT in any danger of being “skinny”. Ever. With my structure, the lightest healthy weight for me would be 155-160.
Like zzzerogirl’s sister, I had a crap time in high school and college, but once I got my self esteem boosted, I find there is no shortage of men who are attracted to me.
I spent all of my teens moping that no one would ever want to date me. I thought no matter how much they liked me mentally/emotionally, they wouldn’t be sexually attracted to me because I was “fat” (and wasn’t at the time, I was at my healthy weight).
Now I am fat, but I can see I’m actually quite beautiful & sexy, so my confidence in that arena is finally solid. Now I find TONS of men who are more than happy to have sex with me, but finding the mental/emotional connection for dating is a shitload harder.
Grinchbinch, well there are plenty of fat people buying wedding dresses and tuxes, so it can’t be all that rough out there. I’ve been married for 11 years, and I was certainly not skinny when I met my husband.
—-
As for ODOR, I’m glad Dan said her guy should see a doctor, especially because she said the odor was “sweet” – that could be a sign of diabetes, esp. with the poor diet.
Sounds like SWAT needs to watch more CSI…
@32: It’s usually the folks who are ugly on the inside who fall back on “the pretty people always win, deal with it”. And by “conventional” standards, they’re often ugly on the outside, too.
But we love you folks all the same <3
SWAT – I think this has been mentioned a couple times, but what you need to concentrate on is finding someone who likes you for YOU – and then you can reveal your kinks. If he’s into you, he’ll be willing to indulge them. I’m a big girl, and I met the love of my life online. We have an amazing connection, and share many of the same likes and dislikes. When he mentioned spanking… Well, it had never really occurred to me before, but because it was something he was interested in, I gave it a try. And I LOVE it!
Bottom line – meeting a perfect stranger at a bloody truck stop is so NOT a good idea. If you’re determined to go through with it, make him meet you at a public place with lots and lots of people around, and make sure some friends know where and who you are with. Do not let your “kink” rule your mind and body…
I have a friend who is beautiful and very thin, while I am just barely in the normal range… before we got married a few years back, we loved to go dancing. She’s a bit shy, but due to the beauty, she never lacks for attention. Me neither… probably b/c I am not shy, love to laugh and am outgoing. We both like to dress up, look pretty and enjoy male company… while I won’t go as far as to say that attraction is ALL in one’s attitude, self-esteem has a lot to do with it.
A trick I used to use when going out was to just shut my “scared/nervous” self away and “pretend” to be confident. Well, I never lacked attention when I wanted it. Mind you, I am confident, highly-educated and professional in regular life, but it takes a little more balls to be that in a roomful of strangers who may judge you by how you look alone. Anyhow, screw the ones who don’t like you: everyone isn’t going to like you… but there’s very little chance for someone decent to like a shy, nervous wall flower. Let yourself out, smile and start enjoying your life.
SWAT obviously is a kink community virgin, or she would have realized by now that there are a LOT of very large people into BDSM, including many large women hooked up with average sized men. In fact, some of them are pretty well known presenters at kink events, like Dan & Dawn, who I first met at none other than a class on spanking:
http://www.bluecatservices.org/home/
As for ODOR, it doesn’t really sound like her BF is a good catch anyway, but loaded with issues. I doubt he’s worth the stinky dick.
@47, good point. In a lot of the kink scene, at least around here, you would be hard pressed to find somebody who is not large. However, given that SWAT is asking about the rest stop circuit, I would guess she lives somewhere outside of the city where she may find less of a kink scene.
@40: thank you for “axilla” and “crura”!
However, I will never use “pudenda”, on principle. In Latin it means “things to be ashamed of”. That is too sex-negative for me.
as Dan has pointed out previously, SMELL is part of how you find the right mate. if your date stinks to you, move along to fresher fields… or danker depths… which ever you like, but you must like the smell of your mate …
Dear Mr. Savage:
As leader of the Open Source movement and hackers everywhere, I’d like to report my experience with shoving a frayed electrical cord up my ass and plugging it into the wall.
It’s a blast! (No pun intended.)
Eric S. Raymond
Spanking fat women is awesome. I’ve spanked skinny women and spanked fat women and a big jiggly ass is far preferable.
Yeast infections can also cause bad smells in the crotch region. He should get diagnosed or at least do some research of his own. If he has a yeast infection, its nearly sure that she does, too.
To SWAT: I know — first hand — it can tough being a big girl and needing. The pools are kind of whittled down as far as finding guys who are into big girls AND into spanking.
But that certainly doesn’t mean those men don’t exist.
Look at both the kink and your body as assets — whoever is lucky enough to be with you, is lucky enough to enjoy both.
Whoa.. and 54 is suppose to be “… needing kink”
Guess I should be a more thorough proof reader.
Sorry about that.
Thanks, Dan, for the Hans Fallada recommendation. “Every Man Dies Alone” is the best book I’ve read in a long time. It reads like both a thoughtful, high-minded novel and fast-moving potboiler simultaneously — a rare feat. I’m trying to get my book group to read it. Highly recommended! Fallada’s life under the Nazis and subsequent imprisonments is fascinating too — there’s a detailed afterward about his life in the book. Read it! Link to a story about it on Fresh Air: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story…