Okay: Female, married 15 years, one young child. No sex with husband over last five years. Have tried therapy, confrontation, lingerie, kink, porn. Seriously, everything. A year and a half ago, I got into a relationship with a married guy, a man who also wasn’t getting any at home. Our agreement is this: no strings, no ties that could hurt our families, have as much fun as we can.
My husband just got diagnosed with cancer. He is dying. Six months. Leaving him is not an option. On some level, I feel guilty about still seeing my lover, but it’s the only outlet I’ve got.
Am I a CPOS?
No Good Acronym
You were doing what you needed to do to stay sane and stay married before your husband’s diagnosis, NGA, and you should continue to do whatever it takes to stay sane and stay married—for your own sake, for your husband’s sake, for your kid’s sake. If seeing your lover helps, I think you should continue to see your lover.
In consideration of the good years you had together and with the knowledge that his undiagnosed illness could have been behind his lack of interest in sex, let go of whatever lingering resentments you have. Do everything you can to make your husband comfortable and make his death “good”—and that includes keeping your affair from him.
Realistically and logistically, NGA, I think you won’t be able to see as much of your lover over the next six months as you have over the last 18. And six months isn’t that long to go without. But if you need to see your lover a few times in order to stay sane and stay married and get through this awful time, then you should see your lover—for your own sake, for your husband’s sake, for your kid’s sake.
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. Since the get-go, he has refused to give me oral sex because he just plain doesn’t like the taste. He says he doesn’t even like looking at my vagina. He does, however, like me to give him oral sex. I’ve tried explaining the importance of oral for me, but he says the act just grosses him out. I’m resenting this situation more and more. So much so that now I really don’t feel like giving him oral sex. Any suggestions on how to improve this situation?
Needing Oral Tonight
Your situation will not improve, NOT, until you find yourself a boyfriend who isn’t a fag.
There may be a few straight boys out there who don’t like to eat pussy, sad to say, but a straight boy who doesn’t even like to look at pussy? Unless there’s something very seriously wrong with your pussy’s appearance—a web of scars from a waxing gone horribly, horribly wrong; the Fox News logo tattooed on your pubic mound; the glowering face a parasitic twin where your clit should be—your boyfriend is a fag, NOT. Do to your boyfriend what my one and only girlfriend should’ve done to me: DTMFA.
Just wanted to share a funny story with you. It’s also, we think, a great example of being GGG. My ladyfriend generally requires more foreplay than I do, but on rare occasions we focus on me exclusively. Two nights ago, after three years together, we figured we’d give a high-school classic a try: I was going to get a handjob. I must’ve been temporarily transported back to my Little League days, because as she was contentedly pumping away, I asked if she could adjust her grip, saying, “Baby, could you choke up a little bit?”
“What,” she said, the sweetest, most GGG look on her face, “you mean, like, cry?”
I really think she would’ve done it, too, if I hadn’t laughed so hard I nearly fell off the bed.
Choked Up In Toronto
Thanks for sharing, CUIT, and now…
WHEREAS you’re writing from Canada, and WHEREAS my Canadian readers patiently endure my rants about conservative American politicians (like last week’s rant about New Hampshire state representative Nancy “Wiggle” Elliott), and WHEREAS my American readers might assume that Canada—where gay marriage is legal, everyone has health care, the boys are hot, and the girls are hotter—doesn’t have any batshit-conservative politicians of its own, BE IT RESOLVED that I will write about Canada’s batshit-conservative politicians every once in a while.
No time like the present: I could write about your batshit-conservative prime minister, Stephen Harper, who’s always proroguing the shit out of your parliament. (I don’t know what proroguing is exactly, but like the shit in French on breakfast-cereal boxes, it sounds filthy.) But a better example of conservative batshittery would be Vic Toews. Canada’s unofficial “Minister of Family Values,” member of parliament Toews—surprise!—doesn’t like the gays because we’re a threat to the family and the institution of marriage. Toews has described gay marriage ceremonies as satanic “Black Masses,” and insisted that adding gays and lesbians to existing Canadian civil rights statutes would bring the “jackboot of fascism [down] on the necks of our people.”
You know where this is going, right?
It turned out that Toews—who once warned that gay marriage could lead to polygamy—was cheating on his wife of 25 years. After getting a much younger woman pregnant, Toews wound up getting divorced. Another marriage destroyed not by gays stomping around in fabulous jackboots, but by yet another straight “Christian” bigot slamming his dick into someone who isn’t his wife.
Toews’s affair became public two years ago, but the scandal didn’t destroy him—he became minister of public safety this January—because the Canadian press sniffed that Toews’s affair and divorce were private. Excuse me, Canadian-
press pansies, but a politician who scares up votes attacking the private lives of others, a politician who insists that other people are out to destroy his marriage, can’t be allowed to hide behind “my private business!” when it turns out that the only threat to the politician’s marriage was the politician’s own greasy cock.
One day, straight folks everywhere are going to realize that anti-gay ravers come in two flavors: assholes who are externalizing their own internal struggles against homosexual desires (Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Joseph Ratzinger, et al.) and assholes who are attempting to compensate for and/or draw attention away from their own moral shortcomings (David Vitter, Mark Sanford, Vic Toews, et al.).
Finally: Toews is pronounced “taves,” and it seems to me that it should be a word for something nasty. Get on it, Canada.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EVERYONE: If the mother of the 13-year-old boy with the latex-glove fetish had written to me and not Prudie—and she didn’t write to me—I would’ve told her that fetishes aren’t mental illnesses, suggested that her son might be feeling “horribly embarrassed and guilty” about his fetish because HIS MOTHER IS HOUNDING HIM ABOUT IT, and told her that any wife or girlfriend who wouldn’t indulge her son’s kink—once he’s an adult—wouldn’t be worthy of his time or affections. 
@96…You’re focusing on the adjectives I used, such as contemplative over the actual message. I hit it dead on with the guys that “hem and haw.” Some are just hesitant and making cunnilingus an “optional thing” vs. their standard blow-job, some NEVER go down, most women have experienced the gamut of these un-enthusiasts. I’m exaggerating assuming a guy like this is “gay”, yes. I just find it ODD when so men are clearly wanting to get laid all the time and have all this testosterone and horniness, except when it comes to cunnilingus which renders them spineless and squeamish. Since becoming a picky screener this hasn’t happened to me for some time, but I like to stand up for women because I know (as a woman) that women aren’t speaking up. Infuriatingly, there are many men that think getting laid means 1.) blow-job and 2.) a screw. You’d be surprised… I’ve heard it from my brothers and their friends, lucky me! Yet women are made constantly aware of the eternal blow job deficit that plagues mankind! We hear about it through movies, porn, television, etc… I’m definitely NOT saying softer guys and the “thinkers” are gay, NOT that there’s anything wrong with it. 😉 I’m attracted to metrosexuals and refined types myself. I’m saying it’s easier to write a man off as “gay(ish)” if he can’t dive into pussy and there’s a lot of women that think this to be the case not just Dan. Maybe we think it out of convenience or reassurance, who knows. I refuse to believe all these women saying they don’t love getting oral, that’s just crazy. They’ve just had a bad experience with an unenthused type. Most of these women think it’s just easier to not be into it. The pro-lickers need better PR because the anti-lickers seem to be winning. Most women just want guys to want it. Just like men wanting women to want to go down on them. It’s funny how it works both ways. Kudos to the good guys out there, we hear you.
@96…You’re focusing on the adjectives I used, such as contemplative over the actual message. I hit it dead on with the guys that “hem and haw.” Some are just hesitant and making cunnilingus an “optional thing” vs. their standard blow-job, some NEVER go down, most women have experienced the gamut of these un-enthusiasts. I’m exaggerating assuming a guy like this is “gay”, yes. I just find it ODD when so men are clearly wanting to get laid all the time and have all this testosterone and horniness, except when it comes to cunnilingus which renders them spineless and squeamish. Since becoming a picky screener this hasn’t happened to me for some time, but I like to stand up for women because I know (as a woman) that women aren’t speaking up. Infuriatingly, there are many men that think getting laid means 1.) blow-job and 2.) a screw. You’d be surprised… I’ve heard it from my brothers and their friends, lucky me! Yet women are made constantly aware of the eternal blow job deficit that plagues mankind! We hear about it through movies, porn, television, etc… I’m definitely NOT saying softer guys and the “thinkers” are gay, NOT that there’s anything wrong with it. 😉 I’m attracted to metrosexuals and refined types myself. I’m saying it’s easier to write a man off as “gay(ish)” if he can’t dive into pussy and there’s a lot of women that think this to be the case not just Dan. Maybe we think it out of convenience or reassurance, who knows. I refuse to believe all these women saying they don’t love getting oral, that’s just crazy. They’ve just had a bad experience with an unenthused type. Most of these women think it’s just easier to not be into it. The pro-lickers need better PR because the anti-lickers seem to be winning. Most women just want guys to want it. Just like men wanting women to want to go down on them. It’s funny how it works both ways. Kudos to the good guys out there, we hear you.
@101…mature…
@96…You’re focusing on the adjectives I used, such as contemplative over the actual message. I hit it dead on with the guys that “hem and haw.” Some are just hesitant and making cunnilingus an “optional thing” vs. their standard blow-job, some NEVER go down, most women have experienced the gamut of these un-enthusiasts. I’m exaggerating assuming a guy like this is “gay”, yes. I just find it ODD when so men are clearly wanting to get laid all the time and have all this testosterone and horniness, except when it comes to cunnilingus which renders them spineless and squeamish. Since becoming a picky screener this hasn’t happened to me for some time, but I like to stand up for women because I know (as a woman) that women aren’t speaking up. Infuriatingly, there are many men that think getting laid means 1.) blow-job and 2.) a screw. You’d be surprised… I’ve heard it from my brothers and their friends, lucky me! Yet women are made constantly aware of the eternal blow job deficit that plagues mankind! We hear about it through movies, porn, television, etc… I’m definitely NOT saying softer guys and the “thinkers” are gay, NOT that there’s anything wrong with it. 😉 I’m attracted to metrosexuals and refined types myself. I’m saying it’s easier to write a man off as “gay(ish)” if he can’t dive into pussy and there’s a lot of women that think this to be the case not just Dan. Maybe we think it out of convenience or reassurance, who knows. I refuse to believe all these women saying they don’t love getting oral, that’s just crazy. They’ve just had a bad experience with an unenthused type. Most of these women think it’s just easier to not be into it. The pro-lickers need better PR because the anti-lickers seem to be winning. Most women just want guys to want it. Just like men wanting women to want to go down on them. It’s funny how it works both ways. Kudos to the good guys out there, we hear you.
Sorry for all the duplicates, total glitch!
@ 71 and subsequent posts. you are clearly projecting your own experiences onto all of humanity. fucking chill already. sorry but nothing annoys me more than someone attempting to stand up for one group of people by making ignorant comments about another group of people. you might be totally right about what you are saying in terms of the people that you know, but that doesn’t mean that’s true of everyone. everywhere.
and just because what you were saying was rooted in something good, like men should eat pussy, doesn’t negate the fact that some of the shit your saying on here is fucking ignorant and offensive.
MavenX, I’m sorry, but I’m one of those mythical unicorn women too. I’ve recieved oral for any number of guys, with varying laevels of enthusiasm, and I have never been able to achieve even the tingly-good feelings that indicate arousal, let alone orgasm. It’s not a matter of being a prude or gynophobe, it’s more to do with disliking the sensation. Whoever described it as being dabbed at with a damp sponge upthread is spot on the mark – that how it feels for me, and coupled with the unpleasant senstion of warm saliva dribbling down my butt cheeks… I prefer to pass.
Recieveing oral is something I will only do to please a partner who insists, and that is usually more because they want to show off their skills than because they genuinely love the act. Still, I think everyone should be willing to offer, male and female. But not every set of genitals will respond to the same sensations.
#99. Your boyfriends mouth is way nastier than your vagina. He should be brushing his teeth before licking your sweet spot.
With men being so visually stimulated, we can tell you exactly how we want a blowjob to be performed on us, because we’ve see it before. We want it sloppy, varying amounts of hand and mouth action, we want our head teased, balls licked, etc. Most guys have a favorite blowjob scene in their porn stash.
Problem is most porn stars suck major ass when it comes to giving head, and guys are only emulating what they see. As a result, you get guys giving either half-hearted efforts or trying to gnaw off the clit.
Think about this…your breath doesn’t smell that great all the time, what makes you think that a vagina should smell like daffodils 24/7? Pussy has a unique aroma, but it doesn’t always smell the same. I noticed that my gf tends to smell stronger when she’s ovulating. And once I get her wet, the odor goes away. If you still have hangups over the smell, how about you be proactive, instead of a douche, and suggest the two of you shower together, cause I’m pretty sure your balls could use some scrubbing as well.
Bottom line…learn to love the pussy, and it will reap major benefits. I learned the power that great cunnilingus gives you in my teens. I’m nor proclaiming to be best best or anything like that, all I know is that I haven’t come across one woman who didn’t experience squirting orgasms, and they always ‘expressed their gratitude’ afterwards. I have never had to ask for a blowjob. That’s having power at the tip of your tongue.
I’m a vagetarian and love chowing down a good Smoked Meat Sandwich as often as I can. I also love to watch her pussy pulsate after the Big O!!
@69 You ask what is the big deal about oral?
How ’bout 10 minute orgasms for starters…
I confess I have yet to meet a man that didn’t seem to love giving me a good licking (I’m 43). Guess I’ve just been lucky, but I think perhaps most normal men love pussy!
Doctors do not tell people they have six months to live. This only happens in the movies. Real doctors do not do this because prognoses come true. I call shenanigans.
I hated Prudie’s advice to the latex glove fetish mom. Dan might have also told her-if she’d asked him, and she should have- that following Prudie’s advice to take the kid to a psychiatrist will likely result in his being doped to the gills on whatever designer psych drugs the rep just dropped off, none of which are intended or clinically tested on children. Seriously- what a disaster that advice was- I hated that. Hated it. I hope that lady reads Dan, or at least the Fray- Prudie’s discussion board.
It really doesn’t help to say ‘DTMFA’ without offering some suggestions to make the guy happier with cunnilingus.
I’m not particularly attracted to pussy, I couldn’t stand the smell of an ex girlfriend (who refused to give me a blowjob, incidentally..) and I only go down on women I’m very keen on as otherwise I find it unpleasant.
I could probably learn to like it better, but this first of all needs a bit of understanding and guidance and second some appreciation and encouragement of any effort offered.
After Ms ‘smelly pussy’ my next girlfriend was uncomfortable with men going down on her. Is it any wonder it takes time to get over that?
I am bi, but trust me when I say that I very definitely like women. I just don’t stick my head between the legs of every woman I get into bed with.
If you choose to remain in a sexual relationship as an adult, you have the responsibility to help your partner sort out some of their sexual issues. This goes double for sex advice columnists, who should be helping everyone improve their sex life rather than resorting to finding a new partner.
@69 : Perhaps you don’t enjoy oral because it’s not done the way you’d enjoy it. I never enjoyed oral until 35, when I met my current boyfriend – who *loves* pussy.
I was raised to think that oral on a woman was gross, and no boyfriend of mine ever offered to do down on me – though I gave oral to them. As for the shitty ex-husband, he tried it, and it was either bleh or hurting me. So I gave up on oral. Then came this guy who would love my genitals, taste, odor, everything, and I now get lovely orgasms out of oral.
Oh, Dan. I love love love you. I too thought of you immediately upon reading the Prudie letter (if fact, I mostly read her to groan at the horrible advice she gives). I have never felt strongly enough that you did wrong to leave a comment. Until today.
Why why WHY use so much space to rant about one Canadian asshole the week that you can officially marry whomever you want in our very own District of Columbia!!?!?!? Our Nation’s Capitol! Gay Marriage! Congress could have fucked it up, Marion Barry could have fucked it up. But they didn’t! It’s awesome! Get on it, Dan!
@107 Seriously you’re right. I guess everyone’s perception becomes “truth” and mine MIGHT have snow-balled. I started looking for evidence a while ago. One time my friend told me that she thinks I’d rather be right then pleased on this issue. hmmmmm. Sorry for the offensive generalizations.
NOT’s boyfriend isn’t necessarily a fag; he might instead be a misogynist – he likes FUCKING women but (or because) he dislikes/hates women and therefore dislikes pussy as anything but a hole for him to fuck. Of course, NOT doesn’t mention if her boyfriend likes fucking her pussy either; maybe he ONLY likes getting head (from women, which wouldn’t necessarily make him gay OR misogynistic)? As there are gay men/women who are into only oral (or oral and manual/digital) sex, I imagine there are straight and bi (and pan and whatever else) people for whom the same holds true, although straight people may be more likely (or not, given the emergence of normalized homosexuality) to engage in sexual behaviors that are socially expected of their sex/gender/sexuality, as they have not necessarily already rejected one set of sexual norms. This could even conceivably manifest as a straight man who only LIKES receiving oral sex, DISLIKES performing oral sex, and IS INDIFFERENT TO using things like toys, fingers, his penis on sensitive areas of his partner to get her off (without getting himself off).
I doubt that’s the case here, but it is possible, and I don’t think that the letter (or what we see of it) has enough info to make a definitive determination. Although I’ll agree that the “I don’t like looking at pussy” thing screams either “gay!” or “misogynist!”
As a side note, I’ve spoken to many (straight-identified) people of both (binary, normative) genders who dislike (not just don’t like, but actively dislike) giving oral sex. The two most common complaints I’ve encountered are muscle soreness (this can generally be avoided by changing positions and taking breaks) and taste (hard to do anything about this). As with most sexual practices people find distasteful (pardon the pun), in our culture women are simply more likely to suck it up (wow, hard to avoid puns when discussing oral sex) and give head than are men, though feminist discourse is slowly eroding this statistical difference.
Oral comes standard, or else you are a caveman/woman. End of discussion.
Man I feel bad for Latex Boy. Talk about trauma during you formative years.
Also, “jackboot of fascism”?! I know this “conservative” (the adoption of the term conservative is actually another instance of this, as these people seek to conserve very little, and that which they do wish to conserve only ever existed for-realzies in crazy fringe-minority communities) meme comes from intentional frame-fusion with no logical basis and is established through incessant repetition on talk radio and FOX and the like, and eventually other news-media organizations and the legislative debate chambers (look up propaganda, discourse, lexical framing, discourse subversion, Orwell’s “1984” for more info), but how is it that anyone initially buys into a concept like “Not oppressing this specific minority group is tantamount to fascism”? It’s not like the idea is to force YOUR church to accept gay members or perform gay marriages or whatever.
As another side rant, it drives me crazy that representatives want to block our health insurance reform here in the US if it DOESN’T SPECIFICALLY PREVENT FUNDING FOR ABORTION (which is a perfectly legal practice, and sometimes a medical and often a socioeconomic necessity), in addition to the federal law that already makes funding abortion-providing organizations with federal funds illegal, especially when the (constitutionally illegal) tax-exempt status of these fuckers’ churches goes unchallenged
Thanks for writing about Canada, Dan. We really do need some help up here. All of our health care / gay marriage / pot decriminalization came from other governments, not this one–and we have a lot to fear from our current government.
“I don’t like looking at pussy” thing screams either “gay!” or “misogynist!”
—–
Or “child molester” or “foot fetishist” or “latex fetishist” or “autisitic”….I love how the debate is instantly narrowed down to straight vs. gay.
Maybe he’s just an ass?
You’d think we’re all open-minded and enlightened about sex in 2010, but I swear I regularly hear the most Dark Ages bullshit “theories” come out of the mouths of people on a regular basis.
Example: Men who like “boyish” Asian girls have “homosexual tendencies.”
Wouldn’t men who like boyish Asian women be into…boys? And how does one define boyish? How does one define feminine beauty? Does this apply to men raised in China (no, I was told they get a pass)?
What about the fact that many straight men who go to prison end up having homosexual sex, regardless of their orientation? What does this mean?
Isn’t the lesson here that this stuff is too complicated and too understudied to be engaging in Armchair Philosophy and using our lame-brained theories to sling mud at each other? Aren’t we past all of this oversimplification and dismissal?
The crazy thing is that this often comes out of the mouth of gay men (looking at you Dan Savage). Talk about cutting your nose to spite your face. It’s a cheap shot specifically designed for straight-identified males that attacks their masculinity, and in the process demeans gay people themselves as being something less than masculine and undesireable.
You can’t sling that particular mud without getting some of it on yourself. At best the slinger is an asshole – you know people take it as an insult, rightly or wrongly, so why say it? – and at worst they’re a bigot.
@118 Amazing post… It almost sounds like you’ve studied it for years, logical and enlightening.
Two thoughts on the prudie column.
1) I’m not usually one to pick on peoples names, but the shrink she cites is Dr. Kafka?!?
2) Of course he’s not going to have a normal relationship – No one has a normal relationship. It’s a statistical concept that doesn’t apply to human people.
Dan,
I thought you would have mentioned how Canada’s appointed Minister of Immigration has removed all mention of gay-equality in all Canadian immigration materials.
Something that we have always been very open about – letting LBGT people the world over know that they have a SAFE place to come to live their lives as they want.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/poli…
The minister claims this is a “mistake” but he, like Towes was one of the biggest anti-gay marriage MPs and has said publically he’d like to see the law repealed.
Might I suggest:
“Getting a Towes and Kennedy” = having someone put both their testicles into your anus?
another asshole struggling with his own internal homosexual desires…
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/04…
just another asshole struggling with internal homosexual desires…http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/04/roy-ashburn-arrested-anti_n_485419.html
@98 I agree that Prudie is not handling this properly, by conflating it with deviance (although I don’t think she’s calling him a deviant per se) I also think this kid’s actions around this fetish sound out of control, and that the mother has a reason to worry. I think there’s truth in what she says and that the problem is not exactly the fetish, but what causes the fetish to go out of control. But, she also has issues with fetishes in general, which is misinformed to say the least. I just think, on the flipside, Dan takes this stuff too lightly sometimes.
I wonder *out loud* if NGA will start having thoughts about wanting her married lover to divorce his wife and be with her after the husband dies…
@115, maybe you’re right, I do fantasize about it a lot but I’d rather not have it than risk someone being disgusted by me like some of the people here have admitted they are, that’s more than just a turn-off, it’s really horrifying! The times I’ve seen it in porn it’s girl-girl anyway.
Go down or go home!
19lisa (#130), if a guy expresses disgust while/after going down on you, he’s not worth your time. It sounds like it’d be well worth it for you to find a guy who enjoys going down on you, and how are you going to find him if you’re scared a guy will be turned off by your pussy? Think of oral sex as one compatibility data point, rather than a test you can fail.
I used to find oral sex less than satisfying, till I met my current partner. He didn’t have a lot of experience, but he wanted me to have a good time. We read the books She Comes First and He Comes Second together, and learned a lot from them. Amazon.com and some libraries carry these books.
Good luck to you! I hope you’re able to give yourself a self-confidence boost, and then find a man who’ll help you find out what the big deal is about oral.
That is so depressing to hear stories about women staying with guys that won’t go down on them…when there’s plenty of guys that love going down on women but haven’t been able to get any for months. (shedding a tear)
re: NGA
you ever consider staying away from the straight couple advice there Dano?
first thing that came to my mind with her story was:
(travel back in time five years)
“well doc- how’s it look?”
“um- not good- you have cancer- inoperable- but we may be able to prolong your life a short while with medication while you figure out how to destroy your family’s life by telling them you’re a goner- and in the meanwhile the meds are going to destroy your sex drive”
on the drive home guy thinks “I can’t tell them anything- that would be unimaginable and only cause strain for my child – I’ll just try to coast along and then die in one fell swoop”
coasting along a couple years luckily surviving he notices his wife having an affair anyway (ya- you do know straight men have brains, right?) and figures “oh well- since my family is over and done anyway I might as well break it to them”
women are selfish cunts Dan- once they lure men into dumping their loads and giving them children the guys are tossed wayside
keep up the affair to save your family “” ?
lmfao
but don’t worry- I like reading your column to confirm my lack of faith in society- it helps me to remember to stay the fuck out of the way and hope for the end soon
He says he doesn’t even like looking at my vagina
I don’t know whats crazier – the fact that theres guys who say this sort of shit or that theres some women who put up with it.
102: I have large inner labia and I lubricate a lot. When someone’s between my legs and they inhale, my bits freeze. It’s horrible. I hate cold in general, cold fingers aren’t invited inside me, I can’t sleep with someone breathing on me, but the instant freeze that comes with an inhalation in that area is the worst, sends me right back to zero. It’s not even a neutral thing I can do “for him”; it turns me off.
Which is sad, because pictures of dudes with their heads buried between ladylegs turn me on.
I don’t think I should have to explain all of this to you, though. I’m glad you like being eaten out, but I find it insulting that you won’t believe me when I say I don’t. We’re not all you.
There are a lotta secret fags here. I’m gay, but these secret fags are a cancer to everyone in their lives. Yes, if a man doesn’t like looking at pussy, thinking about it, going down on it, etc…he sure as shit ain’t straight.
@ 137 – You just said you’re gay. How would you know what a straight guy thinks about anything? Are you reading minds?
You don’t think a pussy is hot to look at or eat, and you’re gay. Guy B doesn’t think a pussy is hot to look at or eat either, so he must also be gay? That’s your reasoning?
Awesome.
Secret fags and secret Jews and secret communists…if only we could root out these people and expose them for the societal cancer they truly are.
“How would you know what a straight guy thinks about anything? Are you reading minds?”
Yeah, it’s just crazy to think that a straight guy would like pussy. Crazy…secret fag!
Straight men overthinking pussy? Nah, that’d never happen /sarcasm
Jonathan Toews just helped us win the Olympic gold in ice hockey, so I don’t think many Canadians will help you with that. Hockey, as you may know, takes precedence over everything else in Canada.
But yeah, Vic Toews is a douchebag.
I’m not convinced that NOT’s boyfriend is gay. In my experience, there are completely straight guys who aren’t visually attracted to pussies. Maybe it has something to do with this: the qualities that our culture emphasizes in depictions of pretty girls are hard to find in a pussy. A pussy does not look well-mannered, smooth (even if you wax it, the innards still look messy), polished, graceful, or cute. So some guys focus less on the pussy than the parts that seem more feminine. I’m a straight girl, so I’d like to hear from someone who’s attracted to girls: were you always visually attracted to pussies, or did you have to work to see their beauty?
Yes! Thank you Dan for bringing up the glove thing, thank you! She’s getting more and more conservative (not that she was ever SAVAGE), but that was a terrible diagnosis and terrible advice. Don’t know if you caught the comments on that article, but surprisingly almost everyone disagreed with her too, which I was glad to see. Her advice this week is about as equally infuriating (in reference to the nanny issue).
Thanks for adding that bit about Prudie! My hair was stood on end when I read her response. I kept thinking…why didn’t she write to DAN?!?!?!?
hey;) . it’s all cool, I Get It(.) ..and I Love You. I’m about to write you 518@;). Enjoy. Always,me
@hartiepie: Yes, never having sex even though you really want to have sex will mess with your mind. Trust me on this one. If the LW liked having lots of sex and then went without for five years, she would not end up as a happy camper. It’s different if you don’t want any or if you don’t care. Like the difference between being on an extreme diet and being in a famine situation.
On another note, if NOT’s boyfriend refused to kiss her mouth because he didn’t like the way her face looked, would she have kicked him to the curb months ago? Gay or not, if he’s refusing to look at and touch a part of her she needs to have looked at and touched, maybe, just maybe, they aren’t right for each other. Or she could have a nasty infection or be a smoker, who knows.
The poor glove kid getting hassled by his mom, because goodness knows the average 13 year old isn’t obsessed with sex. Oh, no. The hoarding is a problem, but it would be a problem if it was plastic porn-star pussy replicas, too. Perhaps the guys I knew back then were anomalous, but being somewhere between fascinated and obsessed with freaky sex shit was par for the course for the dudes I knew. Perhaps I’ve been reading Savage Love for too long, but I’d be suspicious of a 13 year old boy who was only interested in heterosexual missionary sex in the dark.
Best advice ever Dan! I love my woman’s pie so much I wish I could wear glasses with a picture of it glued to the inside so I can look at it all day as I work!
You heard me G*****di~
“some cat;) with delicate desire for skill,” send your cryptic little messages meant for only one person’s eyes via e-mail, wouldya? It’s getting old.
Did anyone else laugh their ass off at California state senator Roy Ashburn (Republican and gay-hater extraordinaire) getting pulled over for a DUI right after leaving a “gay” nightclub and he had an unidentified male passenger with him? I know my day just got better…
Just wanted to add that you don’t have to be Canadian to know who Jonathan Toews is. After all, when he’s not busy scoring goals for Team Canada, he’s a resident of the Windy City.
I agree with the Canuckle heads: You can’t make Toews into a bad word.
Hello Dan, Another Canadian here adding to the 150 or so comments. People need to know that there is a segment of society out there who don’t care if they have sex, would actually rather NOT have sex, even though they wish to have relationships. Yes, it’s weird. No, i’m not one of them, but i’m married to one of them. Look at http://www.asexuality.org to find more information on that topic. I thoroughly enjoy your column, Dan, wish i’d found it years earlier. Thanks for all the great info.