I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me yesterday over the fact that I used to be an escort. He went through my e-mails and saw that I was answering ads, putting ads up, sending photos. We had been planning a future together, talking about moving in, getting married, having kids, etc., and then this happened.
I know I either should’ve told him about my past or shouldn’t have succumbed to temptation. I started doing this again a year ago because I got fired from my job and couldn’t find anything. I was so in love with this guy that I didn’t mind staying at home waiting for him all day, doing everything and anything to make him happy. It took a toll on me, and I couldn’t support myself. Then a friend recommended that I start escorting again. And then this guy e-mailed me saying he would give me $3,000 to sleep with him, and I couldn’t say no.
What do I do, Dan? I can’t eat, sleep, or even do anything. All I want is to hold my boyfriend and to be held. How do I make things better? I am disgusted with the person I am and feel so dirty.
No One Real To Hold
I don’t want to salt your wounds, NORTH, but your boyfriend didn’t find out that you “used to be an escort.” He found out that you are an escort. Even those of us who believe that sex work should be legal, and that sex workers shouldn’t be stigmatized, also believe that a sex worker’s romantic partners have a right to know about the sex work—and consent to it—because it places them at heightened risk of sexually transmitted infections.
There’s probably no salvaging this relationship. The scale of the betrayal is just too great, NORTH, and your efforts to shift blame—it’s your friend’s fault for suggesting you get back into sex work, it was that guy’s fault for offering you $3,000, it was your boyfriend’s fault (!) for occupying all your time (?)—demonstrate that you have yet to take full responsibility for your actions. You would need to do that, NORTH, at least that, before your ex could begin to think about taking you back.
Finally, NORTH, if doing sex work makes you feel this way—ashamed and dirty—please stop doing sex work.
What’s the etiquette for having sex when you’re a guest in another person’s house? Friends spent the night and shared some passion. I don’t have a problem with this. However, this was period-sex, and I was left with bloody, sex-stained sheets. Am I wrong to be annoyed? Can I ask them to replace the sheets?
Hostess With The Menses
Your guests had to know—if your sheets were a bloody mess, so were your guests—and they should have offered to replace your sheets. You’re right to be annoyed. If you believe your friends are selfish and inconsiderate—if you think they didn’t care about the mess they left for you—confront them, ask for replacements, and cultivate other friendships. But if you know your friends to be deeply sex-negative, HWTM, it’s possible they were so mortified by the mess—evidence that they’d had sex!—and were paralyzed by shame. If that’s the case, let it slide, buy your own replacements, and cultivate other friendships.
The etiquette for having sex when you’re a guest in another person’s house goes like this: Polite guests do not leave a bloody, spunky, or santorumy mess for their hosts to clean up. Staying in the guest room and desperately horny? Sounds like the perfect opportunity for an extended—and tidy—oral-sex session. Staying in the guest room and want to fuck? Fuck on the desk, fuck standing up, fuck in the shower. If your partner is one of those only-in-bed, only-on-my-back types, lay a towel down on your host’s sheets—or, better yet, a couple of your own T-shirts—and fuck away.
Thoughtful hosts purchase dark sheets and towels for guest suites. And if guests leave a towel on the floor of the bathroom in a neat little ball, toss that towel in the wash—with extra bleach if the towels are white—without unfurling and inspecting. Be warned: An unwise host who unfurls a balled-up white towel may find herself staring at what looks like the flag of imperial Japan. And if your guests are courteous enough to strip the bed before they leave, those balled-up sheets go straight into the wash, too.
I’m a young-adult gay virgin. Recently, an incredibly sweet, incredibly intelligent guy expressed a desire to blow me (among many other things). He also happens to be, without exaggeration, the hottest guy I’ve ever met in my life. I lusted after him for the better part of a year before I found out he was gay. So, naturally, I want to pursue this.
There are complications. Along with my obligatory first-time jitters, I have to deal with the reality that we will be working together all day, every day, through the fall. Which could be awkward if there’s any awkwardness after the fact. Which brings me to my main worry: I’m not circumcised. I’ve always been a little insecure about it. The one friend I trust enough to ask about this basically said that she would immediately abort oral if she realized a guy was uncut.
If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life (he really is that hot), but my friend’s opinion has me worried beyond reason. I’m at a loss, Dan. Please help?
Uncircumcised ‘N’ Completely
Unexperienced Teen
You shouldn’t put too much stock in one friend’s opinion about uncut cock, UNCUT, particularly if that friend isn’t all that experienced either and—I hope all the sex-and-foreskin-positive single ladies will forgive me for this—when that friend is a lady girl. Some young women are squeamish about oral generally, and foreskins particularly, because they don’t have much experience with cock, cut or uncut.
Gay men are much less likely to be squeamish about uncut cock; indeed, lots of gay men prefer uncut cock. My God, UNCUT, there are enough gay men out there with a fetish for foreskins to support a foreskin-specific porn genre for gay men. And even if this guy doesn’t have a strong preference for uncut cock, UNCUT, it’s highly unlikely that he’ll be turned off by your clean, uncut cock.
As for any potential awkwardness after the fuct, UNCUT, if the hottest guy you’ve ever swapped blowjobs with in your life—presuming the exchange of blowjobs goes down—is cold and distant, or even hostile, it might be because he doesn’t want to get with you again. And like an idiot/asshole/amateur, he believes that being a dick is the only way to keep you from getting the wrong idea. If that happens, UNCUT, you’ll have to be the grown-up. Get him alone and tell him that, hey, it’s totally cool if he doesn’t want to mess around again, but you don’t want things to be weird. Tell him you intend to burn through any lingering feelings of awkwardness by being civil and polite to him and that you would appreciate the same from him.
I’m female and I LOVE uncircumcised cock! It’s my favorite kind of penis. 😉
NORTH is fake, probably one of the many sex-neg folks who try to get Dan to say discouraging things against some particular sex act.
As to UNCUT, you own a magical key that unlocks lots of pairs of pants in America.
Good advice for the uncut guy. As an uncut guy with a preference for other uncut guys, I would strongly recommend that UNCUT remember to pull his foreskin back and keep it clean underneath.
And avoid taking uncut-related advice from most straight women. Most American guys are cut today because of the mistaken belief — promoted in the late 1800s and up until the 1970s — that cut dicks are inherently cleaner and less prone to disease. Also, because many American guys who are uncut have dads who are cut, they were never taught how to clean properly, unlike in countries where most guys are uncut. These two factors have resulted in a widespread aversion to uncut dicks among straight women.
But having lived for an extended period of time in a predominantly uncut country (i.e. China) and also here in the States, I can say that I’ve actually found most uncut guys to be a lot cleaner in that area than cut guys, having encountered a lot of funny smells down there from guys who are cut. I think it’s because they assume that being cut makes them clean, so they don’t have to be meticulous about scrubbing and using soap.
And another thing: My experience confirms what Dan said that a lot of gay guys consider uncut dicks to be a huge turn-on. In fact, when I was in the Midwest, my being uncut alone got me laid…
I’m a 22-year-old woman from Vancouver and I’ve had a bunch of uncircumcised partners who were all excellent about hygiene, as they were aware of the elevated risk of having a foreskin (more bacteria gets trapped after sex, so there is a higher risk of disease from unprotected sex- not a big worry if you practice safer sex and wash up afterward). I don’t understand women who find it gross- cut and uncut look pretty much the same when they’re hard and as the female partner you can’t feel a difference.
I agree UNCUT should not worry about it and keep it clean.
As to potential discomfort down the road with this gentleman, that is a risk he just has to take. Bottom line is we can’t avoid individuals who act idiotic/cold/asshole-ish because they don’t have the integrity to be honest and upfront. They exist in all arenas of life and they have the misguided idea that being a “dick” is the best way to sever contact/relationship/friendship/romance. Rejection is part of life and there is no moral obligation to not reject someone, although, I think there is a moral obligation to do it honestly and with integrity.
Here is wishing UNCUT luck and that it works out amicably. And, if the gentleman acts like a “dick” take Dan’s advice, and rise above it.
I get the feeling that the 1st letter is really some sort of April Fools’ Day fake/prank/joke letter. I mean, this edition does hit the ‘news stands’ on the 1st, even if it was put up on line a couple days in advance. A 2 year relationship, and a year into it she has to start escorting again because she was fired from her job and couldn’t find anything. She was happy to stay at home waiting on a bf and do anything and everything to keep him happy, but they haven’t ‘moved in together’ yet. The staying at home took its toll, and she couldn’t support herself, so some guy during this year of escorting offers her $3,000 to sleep with him and the bf finds out and breaks up with her ‘yesterday’. I’m calling Shenanigans on this one.
I wish still had my foreskin. It was taken from me when I was only a day old.
Sad that a form of genital mutilation (however mild) is still legally performed on infants … and done so as a norm in this country.
Also, I kinda feel bad for NORTH, but that was a nasty betrayal. Yes, you’re human. Yes, it was a lot of money. No, don’t do it if you love the guy.
NORTH doesn’t sound fake to me. If she’s telling the truth, she is literally a lying, cheating, whore who is trying to rationalize her bad behavior, which is entirely plausible given that there are in fact a few lying, cheating, whores who is try to rationalize their bad behavior out there in the world.
Dan’s response was too nice. He should have told her that she is literally a lying, cheating, whore who can stop being “disgusted with the person she is” by stop being a disgusting person by cutting out the lying and cheating (if she can do that, there’s really nothing wrong with the whoring.)
Gotta say I’m not really seeing any proof here that women are by and large irrational about uncut dicks. If so many women were like that, you’d think there’d be some representation of it in the comments causing a debate.
@59 – Agreed, NORTH sounds fake and the story doesn’t make sense. Why didn’t she just blackmail her BF with “If you don’t support me I’ll have to start escort work again”? or even “We could both be living high on the hog as long as you don’t mind my running around on the side all the time.”
I’m envious though – $3,000 for a one-night stand? That’s a lot more than I make at my day job. I think that’s pretty much my net take-home pay for the month.
#62, this is the wrong forum for women who are assholes about uncut cocks. Go over the comments section at Dear Prudence; the women over there are horribly judgmental bitches when it comes to circumcision. Once I dared to state that uncircumcised cocks aren’t icky and women should loosen up, and they jumped ALL OVER me and said I was some militant fucking anti-circumcision nutjob. I had stated this as a reply to a woman who wrote “Not circumcised? Eeeewww.” Those uptight bitches, sadly, do exist (but only in America!)
About the horrid houseguests… since we all agree most folks would do their best to clean up the mess, perhaps these social retards left the mess on purpose? Maybe, in their attention-seeking way, they felt leaving evidence made them edgy and cool. “We had sex in your bed while she was on the rag. Aren’t we CRAZY???”
@50 – I can guarantee you there are PLENTY of guys who maintain a skanky uncut cock. My personal experience says they are also the ones who are absolutely blind to dirt on the kitchen counter and toothpaste scuz in the sink…
As for why so many Americans are circumcized, we are a puritanical group of religious fundamentalists. All us Mormon boys were circumsized because we considered ourselves the New World Chosen People, and God said to cut it off (see the Bible refs)….
Actually, for oral…cut dick is missing something! The foreskin is one more thing to play with. Enjoy it, many men envy you. Most men I’ve been with are uncut, as am I. I prefer uncut…because something is just missing with cut cok.
I thought the first letter was phony before I was half-way through the first paragraph. Glad to know I’m in such good company, SLOGGERS!
I’ve noticed a lot of “Uncut is cool just make sure you keep it CLEAN!!!” type of comments and just for the record, as a very oral bisexual guy, I’ve experienced way vaginal smegma than uncut penis smegma. It’s not even close. You know that white stuff that inevitably gets in between the labia? That’s smegma, and guess what, it’s not a big deal at all. Just wipe it off and you’re good to go.
@62: “Gotta say I’m not really seeing any proof here that women are by and large irrational about uncut dicks. If so many women were like that, you’d think there’d be some representation of it in the comments causing a debate.”
This site is populated by sexually open minded folks. Go to a sorority house sometime and ask around. Trust me, many immature American women have ick-sues with foreskin.
@62 I agree with every statement about why women here are cool with it and think about it, if people still didn’t have an “ewwww” factor then it would be done almost a million times in this country every year.
“I was so in love with this guy that I didn’t mind staying at home waiting for him all day”…
…. Maybe NORTH should get a job during the day making money in another occupation (if she feels uncomfortable with escorting) instead of just waiting for her lover all day? That might help a bit with the financial situation.
I’m American, and female, and had a fling with a man who was uncut. I thought it was fun! There was no problem with cleanliness, and I thought of it as something novel, different and yeah, one more thing to play with. I still have fond memories. Now granted, I was in my 30’s which I guess does not qualify as “young” so maybe that had something to do with it.
I’m a lady girl myself, and I was married to an uncut European with whom I had freaky–and oral–sex for several years. There were many things that contributed to the end of that marriage but his foreskin was most definitely not among them.
But enough about that. I’m still working through the whole “my house guests left me with bloody come-stained sheets.” That is just…that is just WRONG. I had a housesitter once who left my sheets in decent condition but also left a bag o’ condoms on my nightstand and he was not invited back. It was just Too Much Information.
@62: You’re not looking in the right places. I’ve been on other sites (pretty much anywhere that isn’t Slog) where there were plenty of women who could publicly announce they would refuse to sleep with a man because of his uncut member, that they’d make sure that their son “looked like his father” (ew?), that uncut cocks were “ugly”, etc. Literally, yes, “ugly.” Some engaged in what I hope was hyperbole by saying uncut cocks made them want to barf. Yeah, very nice.
Lots of them also had complete blind spots when it came to comparing male circumcision to female circumcision — just because men tend to retain plenty of healthy sexual sensation. The point was that it is, any way you look at it, not medically necessary in most cases, and borne only out of dated cultural beliefs.
Not to say there weren’t also healthy amounts of women disagreeing, but rest assured, it is not a done debate, at least in North America.
You can ASK, HWTM, but if your guests are inconsiderate enough to keep you awake while they’re staying in your home and then leave you a mess without offering to replace or at least wash the sheets, I’m willing to bet they’re not going to replace them now just because you ask.
I’m also willing to bet that for every girl with a “wouldn’t hit it”-level aversion to foreskins, there’s a boy with a “wouldn’t hit it”-level aversion to female pubic hair. Of course, we girls have it a little easier in that we can always grow it back when we meet a more open-minded man.
You can ASK, HWTM, but if your guests are inconsiderate enough to keep you awake while they’re staying in your home and then leave you a mess without offering to replace or at least wash the sheets, I’m willing to bet they’re not going to replace them now just because you ask.
I’m also willing to bet that for every girl with a “wouldn’t hit it”-level aversion to foreskins, there’s a boy with a “wouldn’t hit it”-level aversion to female pubic hair. Of course, we girls have it a little easier in that we can always grow it back when we meet a more open-minded man.
Oh, and I’m going to echo the comments that say it’s possible the female guest might have just accidentally … perioded … on the sheets through the night, and it was not necessarily “period sex.”
Still. I figure, if you’re close enough with someone to stay at their house AND feel comfortable enough to fuck there, you’re close enough to admit you were a couple of adults who forgot their manners or had an accident, offer to replace the sheets or at least help throw them out, and laugh the whole thing off.
You can ASK, HWTM, but if your guests are inconsiderate enough to keep you awake while they’re staying in your home and then leave you a mess without offering to replace or at least wash the sheets, I’m willing to bet they’re not going to replace them now just because you ask.
I’m also willing to bet that for every girl with a “wouldn’t hit it”-level aversion to foreskins, there’s a boy with a “wouldn’t hit it”-level aversion to female pubic hair. Of course, we girls have it a little easier in that we can always grow it back when we meet a more open-minded man.
@79 Of course being able to grow it back is the key issue (and of course the difference between shaving and surgery, loss of sensation, possibility of castration, death, etc.). If you were just able to grow your foreskin back when you wanted to then it wouldn’t be much of an issue at all.
That sheets letter is DISGUSTING. I can’t imagine how anyone would ever find that ok… I wouldn’t even do that to my OWN bedsheets, much less a host’s. ugh. If it were me, I’d send the closer friend a polite but direct email about replacing the sheets, especially if they were expensive.
But your response has made me wonder about something that I’ve actually been wondering about for a while… How common is it to put a towel down in one’s own bed before sex? It’s simply a regular habit for my boyfriend and I, as the feel of towel under my/his but/legs is much more preferable to the chance of getting a wet spot on the sheets. Throwing that towel in the hamper afterward and then laying down on still-clean sheets just seems way more logical to us. Are we weird?
I’m a 23 yo female and I just want to put it out there for UNCUT that uncut cocks are the best kind of cocks. His friend is inexperienced and full of shit. Obviously she’s never sucked an uncut cock, duh.
@ 75
“Lots of them also had complete blind spots when it came to comparing male circumcision to female circumcision — just because men tend to retain plenty of healthy sexual sensation.”
I have an idea – let’s not compare it with female circumcision, which is commonly understood as removal of clitoris, but with cutting off labia minora. They have smegma collect in their folds just like foreskin, they can grow pretty long and many boys will hate that just like many girls will hate foreskin, and they are not that crucial in sexual arousal so girls can go without them pretty easily just like boys can go without foreskin. And the recovery will be about as painful because of their proximity to pee hole, so salty urine will irritate fresh wound just like it irritates the wound on freshly circumcised boys.
So, how about cutting off the labia of seven day old baby girls for no medical reason whatsoever? Civilized, huh?
Ugh. (Straight) ladies, if you don’t know how to a) LAY DOWN A DAMN TOWEL and/or at least throw some cold water on sheets if you stain ’em and b) get over any completely silly hangups that you might have about a man’s cock (with the exception of cleanliness), then you need to grow the fuck up.
@83: Yeah … I learned about female circumcision in a class where they did teach the various different kinds, so I’m not one of the people who automatically thinks “chopped clitoris.” And I forget that IS the common perception.
How about labioplasty? It may not be “cutting off” the labia but its surgical modification still carries risks of reducing or harming sexual sensation.
@81: It IS more logical. We don’t do it because we’re lazy and just haven’t made a habit of it. So don’t feel weird.
Plus, there’s too many details with that first one, the North lady. The one about the Menses towels: it is amazing the lack of etiqutte or respect some people can have when staying over someone else’s house. I’d frickin’ wash AND dry the bedding or towels as a courtesy; in the early a.m. before the hosts or hostesses wake up. And the virgin guy with his dreamboat b.j. prospect: as long as they’re both as upfront as possible, why not? Although I’m with whoever mentioned that there should be at least mutual b.j. action going on. That first one is definitely a semi-April Fool’s wind-up. It is that time of year again, innit?
Stupid women like UNCUT’s friend are 90% of the reason for the abhorrent, insane, and brutal custom of chopping off the tips of baby boy’s penises. “Eww, grosss! I just think circumcized penises look better! I think I’ll mutilate my baby’s dick.” The other 10% is religion, don’t get me started on that one.
@ 87: It *is* pretty f’in stupid that circumcision happens at all. I myself am cut, and, to be honest, aesthetically-speaking I prefer a cut cock to an uncut one, but that’s just me. I kinda wish I wasn’t circumcised though. I always hear how much greater the sensation is still having the foreskin.
@83 I think the same thing goes for labioplasty. Especially considering that the one and only reason I’ve ever heard for doing it is to make sure that their daughter’s genitals look “normal.” Plus, any sort of surgery is going to carry risks so unless it’s absolutely necessary all surgical decisions (especially cosmetic ones) should be left up to the individual. Of course I think I’m preaching to the choir here.
Yup yup just another HELLZ YES to the uncircumsized penises of the world!
I enjoyed the attentions of an escort, and she told me her dream was to start her own service. She wasn’t old from my perspective (early 30’s) but getting old in escort years, and she wanted to settle down, as it were.
She told me the first thing she’d check w/ new girls are their bfs. Apparently, they’re the biggest fuck-up to any escort’s career, if they’re not totally, 100% on board w/ the idea. If some jealous fuckwad can always call the cops on you, it’s a rather important point to consider. She told me she’d interview the guys, and also keep an eye on the single girls, if they ever get hooked up.
I don’t know if NORTH is fake or not, but the issue is an important one in the lives of escorts.
(And best of luck to that enterprising escort out there! Keep your dreams alive!)
@23- first LOL moment for me all day.
@24- me too.
To UNCUT, I’m a 27 yo uncut very cool gay dude and I have never ever ran into a problem. It is in fact true that many gay guys like it, I mean REALLY like it. I was insecure about it too in my younger years, but that will dissolve for you. May your uncut cock have many years of man worhip ahead.;)
To HWTM, I would most definitely confront those friends of yours. YOu had to clean it up, who cares if they are embarrased by the confrontation. Yeesh. I doubt you would have cared as much if they came to you with their problem and offered to resolve the issue by replacing the sheets and cleaning up their mess, before they left.
Could all three letters be April Fools’ jokes?
If I had a sex-advice column, I don’t know that I’d be able to resist.
The idea of cleaning my cum stains probably wouldn’t cross my mind. But I wouldn’t mind cum stains from my guests either. After they have left, you clean the sheets anyway, so I don’t see the problem.
@ 85 & 89
Wait, what? Do parents actually do that? I only said that as a hypothetical situation, I had no idea people would really do that.
NORTH – You’re an idiot.
HWTM – They are rude. Once the blood dries it takes forever to get out of the sheets. I’d just ask them to dry clean them for you because if it were me, I’d have better things to do than to try to get dried blood out of my sheets. And I would never let them stay there again. What they did is bloody rude (pardon the pun). I wouldn’t care less about cum stains, but I would about that.
UNCUT – I’ve never seen a penis that has been circumcised. So I probably would be a bit weirded out if I saw one because I have no idea what that would even look like! So I doubt people are going to have a problem with a normal penis, foreskin and all. I have no idea what that woman is talking about. The foreskin does not make oral sex gross.
Just act like an adult if things to get messy and it’ll be fine. People always side with the mature one if 2 people aren’t getting along.
P.S. I looked up labiaplasty and found this… Comments are unbelievable, I guess there is no way to make a blind man/woman see.
http://cepop.com/2010/03/howcome-girls-d…
@39 actually it’s about 50/50 at this point and hopefully soon it will be less! I am an american who prefers foreskin and I would never ever consider circumsizing a child of mine. I agree with those folks who say it’s like an ear lobe or labia!
Hey, UNCUT-
Bi-curious chick here- DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT! People have their own preferences of course…but damnit, CLEAN cock (cut or uncut)…let me at it! LOL
Now, if you don’t keep good hygene, it don’t matter if you’re cut or not. Most girls (and guys I imagine) won’t want anything to do with it, and I have to wonder about the ones that do.
I’m cut, and from what I hear I’m kind of glad- If my circumcision reduces my sexual pleasure as much as people claim, it is a good thing I’m circumcised, otherwise I’d die of pleasure overload during sex. I don’t know what I’ll do when/if I have a son- I’m the 2nd generation of my family to be circumcised- my dad wasn’t cut until he was in his 20’s- to relieve acute phimosis.
There is evidence that uncircumcised men are more prone to HIV infections and STDs and there is actual effort in Africa to get more men circumcised to stem diseases. So there are medical benefits to circumcision.
I bled on some sheets as a guest, just sleeping, not sex; and when I got up and found the mess I promptly:
Stripped the bed
Treated the bedding with Zout
Washed the lot in cold water
Plain white sheets stayed plain white. Even the mattress pad was fine.
It was a bit embarrassing to ask my hostess where the Zout was, and explaining why I needed to wash the sheets the day after arrival (Less so than having her think I was a neat freak who felt she didn’t clean properly though!). Menstruation happens to people, sex happens too; both are also perfectly natural, both might need cleaning up after. Just do it!
So for goodness sake, do NOT wrap the sheets etc. up in little balls. Treat them and wash them, it isn’t that difficult. Balling them up simply lets the blood set and makes it more likely to stain.
And if you do ruin some sheets, then replacing them is considerate.