I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me yesterday over the fact that I used to be an escort. He went through my e-mails and saw that I was answering ads, putting ads up, sending photos. We had been planning a future together, talking about moving in, getting married, having kids, etc., and then this happened.
I know I either should’ve told him about my past or shouldn’t have succumbed to temptation. I started doing this again a year ago because I got fired from my job and couldn’t find anything. I was so in love with this guy that I didn’t mind staying at home waiting for him all day, doing everything and anything to make him happy. It took a toll on me, and I couldn’t support myself. Then a friend recommended that I start escorting again. And then this guy e-mailed me saying he would give me $3,000 to sleep with him, and I couldn’t say no.
What do I do, Dan? I can’t eat, sleep, or even do anything. All I want is to hold my boyfriend and to be held. How do I make things better? I am disgusted with the person I am and feel so dirty.
No One Real To Hold
I don’t want to salt your wounds, NORTH, but your boyfriend didn’t find out that you “used to be an escort.” He found out that you are an escort. Even those of us who believe that sex work should be legal, and that sex workers shouldn’t be stigmatized, also believe that a sex worker’s romantic partners have a right to know about the sex work—and consent to it—because it places them at heightened risk of sexually transmitted infections.
There’s probably no salvaging this relationship. The scale of the betrayal is just too great, NORTH, and your efforts to shift blame—it’s your friend’s fault for suggesting you get back into sex work, it was that guy’s fault for offering you $3,000, it was your boyfriend’s fault (!) for occupying all your time (?)—demonstrate that you have yet to take full responsibility for your actions. You would need to do that, NORTH, at least that, before your ex could begin to think about taking you back.
Finally, NORTH, if doing sex work makes you feel this way—ashamed and dirty—please stop doing sex work.
What’s the etiquette for having sex when you’re a guest in another person’s house? Friends spent the night and shared some passion. I don’t have a problem with this. However, this was period-sex, and I was left with bloody, sex-stained sheets. Am I wrong to be annoyed? Can I ask them to replace the sheets?
Hostess With The Menses
Your guests had to know—if your sheets were a bloody mess, so were your guests—and they should have offered to replace your sheets. You’re right to be annoyed. If you believe your friends are selfish and inconsiderate—if you think they didn’t care about the mess they left for you—confront them, ask for replacements, and cultivate other friendships. But if you know your friends to be deeply sex-negative, HWTM, it’s possible they were so mortified by the mess—evidence that they’d had sex!—and were paralyzed by shame. If that’s the case, let it slide, buy your own replacements, and cultivate other friendships.
The etiquette for having sex when you’re a guest in another person’s house goes like this: Polite guests do not leave a bloody, spunky, or santorumy mess for their hosts to clean up. Staying in the guest room and desperately horny? Sounds like the perfect opportunity for an extended—and tidy—oral-sex session. Staying in the guest room and want to fuck? Fuck on the desk, fuck standing up, fuck in the shower. If your partner is one of those only-in-bed, only-on-my-back types, lay a towel down on your host’s sheets—or, better yet, a couple of your own T-shirts—and fuck away.
Thoughtful hosts purchase dark sheets and towels for guest suites. And if guests leave a towel on the floor of the bathroom in a neat little ball, toss that towel in the wash—with extra bleach if the towels are white—without unfurling and inspecting. Be warned: An unwise host who unfurls a balled-up white towel may find herself staring at what looks like the flag of imperial Japan. And if your guests are courteous enough to strip the bed before they leave, those balled-up sheets go straight into the wash, too.
I’m a young-adult gay virgin. Recently, an incredibly sweet, incredibly intelligent guy expressed a desire to blow me (among many other things). He also happens to be, without exaggeration, the hottest guy I’ve ever met in my life. I lusted after him for the better part of a year before I found out he was gay. So, naturally, I want to pursue this.
There are complications. Along with my obligatory first-time jitters, I have to deal with the reality that we will be working together all day, every day, through the fall. Which could be awkward if there’s any awkwardness after the fact. Which brings me to my main worry: I’m not circumcised. I’ve always been a little insecure about it. The one friend I trust enough to ask about this basically said that she would immediately abort oral if she realized a guy was uncut.
If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life (he really is that hot), but my friend’s opinion has me worried beyond reason. I’m at a loss, Dan. Please help?
Uncircumcised ‘N’ Completely
Unexperienced Teen
You shouldn’t put too much stock in one friend’s opinion about uncut cock, UNCUT, particularly if that friend isn’t all that experienced either and—I hope all the sex-and-foreskin-positive single ladies will forgive me for this—when that friend is a lady girl. Some young women are squeamish about oral generally, and foreskins particularly, because they don’t have much experience with cock, cut or uncut.
Gay men are much less likely to be squeamish about uncut cock; indeed, lots of gay men prefer uncut cock. My God, UNCUT, there are enough gay men out there with a fetish for foreskins to support a foreskin-specific porn genre for gay men. And even if this guy doesn’t have a strong preference for uncut cock, UNCUT, it’s highly unlikely that he’ll be turned off by your clean, uncut cock.
As for any potential awkwardness after the fuct, UNCUT, if the hottest guy you’ve ever swapped blowjobs with in your life—presuming the exchange of blowjobs goes down—is cold and distant, or even hostile, it might be because he doesn’t want to get with you again. And like an idiot/asshole/amateur, he believes that being a dick is the only way to keep you from getting the wrong idea. If that happens, UNCUT, you’ll have to be the grown-up. Get him alone and tell him that, hey, it’s totally cool if he doesn’t want to mess around again, but you don’t want things to be weird. Tell him you intend to burn through any lingering feelings of awkwardness by being civil and polite to him and that you would appreciate the same from him.
UNCUT, my bf is uncircumcised and his cock is magical. I would say you have nothing to worry about.
I (straight female) have teen sons, and I refused to have them circumsized as newborns. I grew up in Europe and saw no need to do the ‘weenie whack’ as the pediatrician called it. Soap and water is the way to cleanliness, not surgery! And I reminded them to wash properly, as did the pediatrician at their physicals. And they all have girlfriends 🙂
I will add to the chorus – I’m a female and I love uncut dicks. LOVE. I love almost all penises, but uncircumcised ones are better.
You need to let this guy blow you. I’m straight, and I’m saying this. Seriously, make hay while the sun shines.
RE: the (former) escort, I’m sorry to pile on, but you went into a relationship witholding information. Which isn’t a deal-breaker, if the past stays in the past. But it didn’t now, did it?
There will be others you your life, I would pick up and move on.
I’m a woman who grew up with the generation in Australia where circumcision was standard practice. As a result, I don’t come across too many uncircumcised ones around my age group which is where I tend to find my lovers. Shame, because I have a STRONG preference for uncut, so much more fun to play with. I sure as hell didn’t allow anyone near my son with a scalpel to mutilate him. Uncut, put it out with confidence.
@39, 45
Mass circumcision started in this country shortly after world 2, when US soldiers posted in the Pacific had to endure harsh hygienic conditions in a hot, humid environment.
It was evident that circumcised Jewish soldiers in that front had far less infections and other problems with their pee pee, so US medics decided circumcision may be healthier and advised parents to have their new born boys cut shortly birth.
There are also some AIDS researchers who believe that a cut penis and the body attached to it are less likely to transmit and contract any bad bugs.
On a personal note… I’m Jewish, so no one asked my opinion when I was few days old. And I have nothing against uncut guys,though I don’t really look for guys to begin with, censured or not.
I just want to share that my first all-the-way blow job was with a lovely Irish lady I’ve met while in the Holy Land. This was her first all-the-way time as well, and she hinted that it is easier for her to have it with a foreskin-free fellow like myself. I am still grateful to this day, and at least in my experience it was totally worth the pain I endured in my early life.
@100 The best thing to do is let any future son decide for himself. You can’t ever go wrong by letting someone decide for him/herself what does and does not get cut off of their bodies.
@101 The results of those studies are dubious at best but even if they weren’t they seem to only apply to Africa; they haven’t been able to replicate the results in America. Moreover, there’s some evidence that male circumcision actually INCREASES the chances of women contracting HIV/AIDS.
@108 Actually circumcision started in this country during the “masturbation hysteria” of the Victorian era. At first it was a punishment if you got caught masturbating but then they figured that since it desensitized the penis that doing it routinely would stop masturbation completely (I am a living testament to the fact that it doesn’t reduce masturbation.) After that they claimed that circumcision cured epilepsy, convulsions, paralysis, elephantiasis, tuberculosis, eczema, bed-wetting, hip-joint disease, fecal incontinence, rectal prolapse, wet dreams, hernia, headaches, nervousness, hysteria, poor eyesight, idiocy, and mental retardation, all of which are equally untrue.
@112 There may have been some “circumcision trends” in the past, but the massive movement as we know it in today’s USA started after World War II for the reasons I mentioned.
Now don’t take it so personal. I never suggested that cutting a baby boy foreskin will make him healthier in the long run. I only mentioned the logic behind the massive trend as we know it. That Australian lady wanted to know, and being the helpful person that I am I told her.
As for me, it helped me receive my first all-the-way blow job and although I don’t remember when I was cut I concluded that it was so totally worth going through the pain if only for that reason.
Yes, I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it is such a good memory that I simply enjoy reminding myself of it over and over again.
And I’m sure you have some good memories too, although playing bass can be a little repetitive and depressing at times.
Cheer up, dude!!!
i got plenty of blowjobs in us, before i found out that most men are cut it that country. i did get some comments from smiling faces, but only after reading this i think it might be about foreskin, not size or something. omg, so much to worry about in sex!! kills erection.
@Neptune It took about 2 times getting the sheets wet with what becomes COLD wet sticky cum to make a rapid toss towels down habit into a religion for me, and after years with that always horny man, later partners never blinked twice when I tossed barrier defenses down to make the snuggly nap afterward warm and dry (the towel usually either smacked his rear or pulled my frame in if running across the house etc., so it never lessened the libido; rather, it made getting out of control encouraged as we knew we would still be totally cozy afterward, and face it, rubber sheets are way more effort and saved for slip and slide intended weekends)… That said, some towels from organic American or Egyptian cotton in particular are much softer and more absorbent… “free” detergent is important, woollite once in a while if stuff feels crusty after cleaning.
@66 and 108
Infant circumcision became prevalent in the US in around 1900, a while after the Victorian era had passed. It was supported by the medical establishment (not the religious one) as a way of limiting the spread of germs. Mass circumcision of adults occurred in WWII on hygiene grounds.
Now we all know that the medical fear of germy foreskins is unfounded (in general) but it still hangs on as a cultural custom.
@ 101,
Medical benefits might exist, albeit small and not drastic (otherwise circumcised men wouldn’t have to use condoms), so it’s only fair to give the boy opportunity to decide what to do with his foreskin when he’s old enough to actually start thinking about sex. Chances are, he will choose condoms over having a part of his penis chopped off.
The “historical” reason for cutting cocks in America can be traced back to Doctor Kellog and his anti-masturbation movement. He believed that masturbation was bad and that circumcision would help to prevent it.
PS: Yes, *THE* Doctor Kellog … the same guy who invented cornflakes.
Great advice, as always. But when I read that “flag of Imperial Japan” crack I let out a shriek of laughter that scared the dogs half to death. Hell, I’m still chuckling.
UNCUT : being uncut is the norm here in Europe. It’s always a big “OMG ! WTF ?” when a European realizes that most Americans *are* cut – it’s not taught in American English lessons.
@100 : acute phimosis can be released with a single tiny slit to the foreskin (aka preputioplasty). No need to remove it all around. In Europe your dad would have kept his foreskin. Besides, I’m with 117 : let your child decide about his foreskin when he’s an adult.
@27 : As for uncut guys always breaking the condom – don’t you think Europeans would keep on buying condoms if that were always the case ? As has been previously mentioned, pull the foreskin back when you put the condom on.
As for hygiene in uncut countries, I can assure you that *mothers* tell their young boys, when they are old enough to start washing by themselves, to always thoroughly clean up under their little skin, because otherwise it’ll get sick and hurt a lot. No need for an uncut father in the house to demonstrate.
It’s not necessary to wash under a baby’s foreskin, since at that age it’s quite adherent to the glans and it would tremendously hurt if being forcibly pulled. Knowing of that adherence, I wonder how parents in the USA can agree to the cutting of a baby’s foreskin – Muslims cut it when the child is 7-8 and it’s totally loose from the glans.
Finally, why do many firms insist on Africans cutting their foreskins ? Don’t you know that those firms *sell* the babies’ foreskins, there’s big money to be made, and that they’ll have to find those foreskins elsewhere if Americans stay on their actual trend of leaving more and more of their children uncut ?
http://www.norm-uk.org/where_do_foreskin…
In theory, there could be a protective effect against AIDS in being circumcized (aka less skin on your penis, less sickness – masectomy also has a tremendous protective effect against breast cancer).
But in reality there is no real AIDS benefit in becoming circumcised – partly because once cut, the average African, who is uninformed and undereducated, will thinks he’s now safe and stops using condoms, and catches AIDS ; partly because the circumcision itself transmits AIDS. See for yourself :
http://www.iasociety.org/Default.aspx?pa…
http://www.interscientific.net/AOE2007.h…
Sure, some studies have found a very small medical benefit to circumcision. I think the size of the benefit is comparable to the risk of serious penis-deforming complications of circumcision. So, there is that. Common? No, but it’s also not common for uncut men (outside of Africa) to get STIs because they are uncut. They get ’em the same way everyone else does, by being reckless.
Sure, some studies have found a very small medical benefit to circumcision. I think the size of the benefit is comparable to the risk of serious penis-deforming complications of circumcision. So, there is that. Common? No, but it’s also not common for uncut men (outside of Africa) to get STIs because they are uncut. They get ’em the same way everyone else does, by being reckless.
@100: I hear that comment a lot. If that were true … well … my boyfriend’s still sound in body. Guess he survived the pleasure onslaughter just fine.
If I had a son, I’d leave it. Why do something just because?
@120.
I’m not sure there should be a “WTF moment” from either side. The substantive difference between a cut and uncut penis is (a) debated, and (b) cosmetic. The charges that it reduces pleasure is based on speculation of the purpose, function, and use of the foreskin, rather than on legitimate double-blind studies.
It’s also impossible to measure, of course. Given that orgasm itself comes from the release of neurochemicals (which, while based on stimulation of the genitals, does not originate there), it would seem unlikely that the chemicals themselves would be altered by the lack or presence of the foreskin. Thus, to put it simply: once you cum, the difference between having foreskin and not is entirely cosmetic.
Yeah, there have been reports of men who want to have their foreskins back, but they’re not a significant portion of the circumcised population, nor is there any evidence that there is categorically decreased sensitivity of the penis over time due to circumcision (the whole “foreskin protects it from constant rubbing, and without it, it ends up desensitized) is speculative. In my mind, it’s a bit like saying that a woman’s breasts should become desensitized due to stimulation, or that the clitoris should eventually become desensitized (permanently, mind you) due to overstimulation. Are we really saying there’s a limited orgasmic shelf-life to our genitalia?
I’m not sure quoting from “NORM”, which is an advocacy group, is quite as substantial as quoting from legitimate scientific resources, so I’ll ignore that little conspiracy theory about the foreskin market.
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/rele…
Yes, unhygienic circumcision procedures can create problems, but unhygienic surgery can do the same thing. The fact that if I get surgery from rusty implements in the open air without any antibiotics, I’ll likely end up with an infection doesn’t actually mean the surgery is bad. MRSA doesn’t make C-sections wrong. Look at the actual usefulness of the procedure vis-a-vis HIV prevention.
But, to go back to the initial point: I don’t get what the big deal is. I’ve never had complaints from girlfriends about being circumcised, nor complained about a lack of pleasure due to it (trust me, I’ve had plenty of pleasure). If you prefer the look, taste, touch, feel, or anything else about cut, or uncut, that’s fine. But can we stop trying to make categorical statements about the use, misuse, or level of “ickiness” about either side of things?
@ 124,
The OMG WTF moment is culture shock, not the actual disgust by circumcised penises. You expect American culture to be pretty similar to European, and when you hear that they routinely perform circumcision on baby boys for cultural reasons, you’re shocked, because you didn’t know or expect that about their culture. It is general knowledge that Jews and Muslims do that for religious reasons so the average European won’t go OMG WTF when they hear about those circumcisions, but believe it or not that’s not something you learn about American culture, in school or elsewhere.
There are two kinds of penile, or in this case glans sensitivity to take into account, one is sensitivity to pressure and the other is sensitivity to touch. Sensitivity to pressure is not reduced by circumcision, only sensitivity to touch is, due to the keratinization of glans. Consensus among men circumcised as adults seems to be that penetrative sex doesn’t feel much different, because it is about pressure and movement, but masturbation and oral sex do, because sliding of foreskin and stimulating its own nerve endings used to be a big part of those sexual practices.
What’s all this stuff about replacing the sheets? Just wash them, unless the point is to punish and embarrass the guests.
@124 Actually it is possible to measure. Circumcised men don’t respond as well to touch-sensitivity tests. As per your analogy; if you removed a woman’s labia then her clit WOULD become chaffed and calloused and loose sensitivity. If you removed your lips then your gums would dry out and loose sensitivity; same thing. Just for the record the British Journal of Urology has published at least one study showing the negative effect of male circumcision on women; i.e. more incidents of painful intercourse, more incidents of their male partners prematurely ejaculating etc.
I’m not sure the question is “Why don’t the majority of men who have been circumcised try and restore their foreskins” it’s really “how come the vast, overwhelming, mega-, supermajority of men who are giving a choice decide not get circumcised?”
As seems to happen so often with Savage Love, NORTH’S problem (well and her (ex)boyfriend’s too) is my kinky dream. Finding out my girlfriend is cheating on me for money? Wow. I know it would hurt a lot more if I was actually the one, but I’d still be having the best orgasms in our angry guilt ridden sex.
@113 I’m not sure I get it; so you wouldn’t have had a blow job yet if you’d had a foreskin, or….what? I’ve got great memories about my first blow job too but it doesn’t have anything to do with being circumcised.
“although playing bass can be a little repetitive and depressing at times.”
*phttt* If that’s the case you’re doing it wrong. :o)
@124: I think the point is that there’s no real argument *for* circumcision (aside from religious reasons). It’s a practise that has no real impetus, no rationale, other than “we do it.” Your best argument is HIV prevention (which is moot if a man is willing to use condoms), and at a distant second, that you’ve received no complaints.
Considering it IS a surgical procedure, that’s rather amazing.
I don’t think there’s much suggestion here of stigmatizing cut men, but there’s definitely wide agreement that it should at least be phased out, while any man who wants it later on should be free to have the procedure done.
“although playing bass can be a little repetitive and depressing at times.”
Bummer, @ 113. You either aren’t doing it right or you haven’t had the pleasure of listening to soloing done by bass players. Here, take a listen to Tal Wikenfield’s solo in “Cause We Ended as Lovers” with Jeff Beck. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIFFRHBCP…
Not repetitive and not depressing at all.
Plus, in my opinion, a guitar or a bass in a man’s hands makes him sooo much sexier. But, perhaps I’m biased.
@130 Spot on Gloria. If you’re an adult you can go right ahead do whatever you want. Circumcise yourself, female circumcise yourself, O-Kee-Pa ceremony yourself, whatever. This is about everyone (man, woman, boy, girl) being able to decide what happens to their body.
@131 Oh snap; I knew I liked you for a reason Kim.
Love Tal Wikenfield! But you can’t forget Esperanza Spalding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lNE7jWA5…
Victor Wooten
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVQEe8OI3…
And that’s not even getting into double bass.
Thank for the links for Esperanza Spalding and Victor Wooten, Bassplayerguy. You made my day. Now I need to go work my fretboard!
My fiance is uncut and I’ve grown to prefer it that way. Besides, once a cock is erect, it doesn’t really look any different.
For those of you who are suprised at the idea of foreskin negative attitudes, here’s a column from 6/15/06 that may amuse you. Dan’s “No shit? Really??” still cracks me up.
I am a 22-year-old female and I’ve been with my 21-year-old boyfriend for two years. I love him a lot and our sex life is great. But I have one issue: He isn’t circumcised. It weirded me out at first because I had never fooled around with a guy who was uncircumcised, but I came to terms with it because I loved him. It has recently started to bother me again because it makes giving him head more difficult and a little more unpleasant.
I mentioned it to him once a few months ago at a bad time and he became defensive. Is it wrong for me to ask him to get circumcised?
Cut It Please
So you asked your boyfriend to cut off a chunk of his cock and he reacted defensively. No shit? Really? But, hey, you brought the subject up at a “bad time,” so maybe that was the problem… or maybe there’s just no good time to tell someone that his genitals disgust you and that you want him to have an important, nerve-packed chunk sliced off.
Sorry, CIP, but just as it would be wrong for a man to ask his big-clitted or big-lipped girlfriend to have her genitals mutilated for his comfort, it’s wrong for you to ask your boyfriend to do the same.
LH
Speaking as someone 12 times a year more familiar with blood than Dan, HWTM doesn’t have to throw out the sheets. Soak them in cold water with baby laundry detergent (something designed to remove protein based stains), then wash in cold water, applying detergent directly to the stains before. Repeat if necessary and don’t put the sheets in the dry until they are clean – heat fixes stains.
@134 Just remember that it’s all about being musical which doesn’t necessarily mean playing a lot of notes. :o)
@125
You seem to have missed my point. There’s some evidence that there is decreased sensitivity (though, I’ve also seen studies saying that sensitivity is improved in adulthood, go figure) to touch itself, but none I’ve seen suggesting that orgasm itself is affected in any way. So, even if we accept the speculation that there is a change in response to stimuli, that just means it takes longer to achieve the same end. Though, there’s also some question as to whether that may be mental rather than physical. And, of course, the confounding variables, and issues with self-reporting, make it a bit speculative and specious anyway.
@127.
I don’t accept your analogy, especially since callouses on the genitals would be very, very, worrisome. Believe me, I’d have gone to the hospital long ago for that.
Your argument is speculative, as is the entire retrospective “I would have been more sensitive save for this”, but this is all getting away from the point. Even if I accept some adverse effect vis-a-vis responsiveness to touch, there’s no reason to conclude that it would affect ones ability to orgasm, or the pleasure derived thereof.
Oh, also, there are lower incidences of penile and cervical cancer, as well as lower rates of HPV infection, even controlling for other factors.
http://www.cfpc.ca/cfp/2003/sep/vol49-se…
So… Um… Lower cancer rates, no discernible harm. This seems like a not-bad-thing, huh?
@130.
I’m not speaking of stigmatization, only of whether there is the kind of one-sided answer that many here are touting. And, the evidence, as I suggest, is mixed.
Speaking as someone who is circumcised, I’m not overly concerned with a woman not wanting to date/have sex with me on that basis alone. My concern has more to do with having a reasoned, and researched debate on the issue, instead of rhetoric, ideology, and vitriol.
I am ashamed to say that I was circumcised at birth, the thought of someone else making the decision of being circumcised and uncircumcised makes me mad. I am glad to say that I have since restored what was left of my circumcision, I now have a working foreskin and I couldn’t be happier. 🙂 I’d recommend restoration to any circumcised man. Sex feels a whole lot better with a man and woman.
I so prefer uncut penises, hard to believe anyone would object. I wish it were possible to know this as soon as you meet someone. I’d choose an uncut man over a cut one any time. I’m a straight woman, 64 years old. Every kind of sex is better uncut.
I’m really hoping these are real letters and not April Fool’s pranks. In any case, great advice as always Dan.
Sex workers should never be ashamed for doing something most of us give away for free (or a washing machine, car, jewelry, etc)
Shame on the dirty house guests. Now I’ll have to remember to use dark sheets when I have guests stay over 🙂
And UNCUT pride!!! (I’m uncut and love it!)
@139 It’s not really possible to have a reasoned debate on this subject, because that requires that there be two sides that are reasonable. On the one side, you have people who want to perform unnecessary cosmetic surgery on people without their knowledge or consent. This is not really a supportable position. On the other side, you have people who don’t think that people should be forced to undergo unnecessary surgeries. Your position is undefensible, and quite frankly, is in support of the abuse of children.
I’ve always been particularly “obsessed” with my uncut cock. Certainly observing around the pool changing room as a youngster I noted I as different. I too have had female friends express a distain for uncut men.
I was to the point where I started to avoid sexual encounters, or delay removing my pants until further along in any relationship. I started considering getting myself cut (the horrid stories of the pain that came for the weeks following – and my own experiment of walking around ‘rolled up’ for the day was PLENTY to convince me not to).
I’ve become more comfortable in my own skin (yuk yuk yuk!) – I’m an unaltered male! Frankly, I don’t care if the world knows I have a foreskin. Now when I hear women (sorry, girls) express a dislike, I stand up and speak out for men with skin everywhere!
Men are obsessed enough with our genitals. Come one girls, there’s not need to exacerbate it.
And if you do feel the need to hate my foreskin! Well I hate your clitoral hood! Circumcise it already!
As a mom of three uncut young men –
If you think there is something between odd and absolutely outrageous about the fact that so many baby boys are subjected to mutilation of their genitals – sweet baby boys just a few days old – please check in and lend your support to Intact America.
http://www.intactamerica.org/
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/intac…
@ 139
Sorry but I don’t understand your response to my comment!
No one said circumcised men aren’t able to achieve orgasm (unless maybe the surgery is horribly botched). I even said the intercourse itself doesn’t feel much different because of the nature of the movement. Where most difference can be observed is masturbation and oral sex, especially if the cut is very tight – when you have foreskin you actually slide the skin of the penis up and down the shaft and glans, and without it you slide your hand up and down the tight skin of the penis. The former doesn’t require lube and the latter does. Some men circumcised as adults adjust to the change just fine and some miss the old sensations. But at least it was their choice, if you know what I mean, even when they’re not happy with the result.
Lower rates of penile and cervical cancer make sense to me, because uncircumcised penis is a very good place for HPV including its cancerous strains, but for HPV to get to your foreskin in the first place you need to put your unprotected penis in an orifice infected with HPV – this risk should be explained to boys when they’re old enough to start thinking about sex, and then they can decide what to do, have circumcision or use condoms. Well, actually, even if they have circumcision they should use condoms, so it’s a non issue, but people should be free to make choices about their bodies whatever those choices might be.
Btw, penile cancer is ridiculously rare, and cervical cancer is almost 100% preventable. There is also a vaccine that protect against the most frequent cancerous HPV strains.
@48 If the guests just get dropped without being told why, they might think they got dropped for the wrong reason.
The problem wasn’t that they had sex in the LW’s guest bed. The problem was that they left a mess without saying a word.
I had to fight with my whole family when I had my first son, and wanted to keep him intact. (His father, luckily, who is cut, let me make all decisions) But my mom! and my mom in law! all got flustered, how gross and disgusting my boy will be. I pushed back and they never even bothered arguing when I had the second uncut boy–but they did make me doubt a bit, whether my boys will have any problems/embarrassment because of their skins in the future. So reading this forum makes me feel way better!
Also, I saw a friend’s newborn a day after he was cut. The baby was MISERABLE, and more so when he wet himself. His little thing was all crusted with blood and swollen, an angry red color…. My friend was cooing, “what’s wrong, baby, you alright” and all I could think of was, “No, stupid, he is not alright. You let doctors chop the tip of his dick off the day after he arrived here. He has a reason to be screaming right now.”
Sigh…..
@ #145… i couldn’t agree more! When i was pregnant with my son (i knew it was a boy via scan) my midwife had me view a video regarding circumcision. I was more for the uncut than the cut, since my husband was uncut. I watched the video anyway, and after seeing that video, i would suggest all parents-to-be view such videos, probably the same ones #145 mentions. Sweet baby boys for sure.
Also, regarding sex with cut vs. uncut. I’ve been married twice; first husband was cut; second husband is uncut. There really is no difference. The uncut cock loses the “hood” once it’s hard… it’s nice to play with the foreskin when the cock is flaccid too 🙂
During my separation (between husbands) i had sex with a man whose circumcision (as a baby) had been botched. Apparently there are a good percentage of men with botched circumcisions, and when i saw this man’s cock, i was wide-eyed, though he still had a honking huge hard cock, but the botch job was noticeable. I felt sorry for him, and no, it didn’t affect his ability to sustain an erection or orgasm, it was just …very different.
The thing is, how can a surgeon make precision cuts on a newborn baby’s penis, and be absolutely sure that the cut is correct, with the penis of a newborn being so tiny??? Always a mystery to me. And if you’ve ever seen those videos, the screaming infants will affect you for sure, unless you’re a heartless degenerate… And why do the newborns scream so?… because they cannot anesthesize (sp?) a newborn, so it has to be done without pain killers or freezing.
My opinion is, there really is no need for cutting, as long as boys are shown that they must keep the glans clean, though another take on it is from an old age point of view, once a man is no longer able to clean himself, ie: he’s in an old folk’s home, doesn’t wash properly, or is a bum on the street and has no means of keeping clean, or has dementia and refuses to clean himself, then it could cause a big health issue. Who knows what the right answer is?
@ #87… i totally get where you’re at. One of my pregnant friends announced that if it is a boy, she will have her baby circumcized and went on to say how the penis produces this ikky smegma and how circumcision takes care of all that…
Huh.
Circumcision or not, the glans produces smegma. It’s a fact.
So i asked my friend if she would cut off her baby’s ears, since they will produce ear wax. She gave me a very puzzled look. How horrid a suggestion!! Yes, i said, but you are suggesting cutting off part of your baby’s penis because it produces smegma…
I just shake my head.
@143.
Yeaaah. See, most of the time when we’re trying to have a reasoned debate, we don’t resort to epithets and ad hominem attacks. If you can’t discuss the actual harm, and actual benefits, of circumcision, don’t discuss it at all.
If the only thing you can offer to the discussion is personal criticism, baseless accusations, and “facts” stated without citation, I respectfully ask that you stop talking about this.
Oh, and you do realize that parents have doctors perform surgery on children without their “knowledge or consent” pretty frequently, right? That’s the whole “parental consent for minors” thing that’s the basis of medical proxy, you know? So the only question is whether the surgery is (a) harmful, and (b) necessary. If the surgery is not harmful, it need not be necessary to be acceptable (cosmetic surgery happens all the time; you wouldn’t complain about a parent having a child with cleft pallet being given surgery). If the surgery is necessary, it need not be harmless.
So, show evidence that the surgery is harmful (in a way other than stating without basis that it “desensitizes the penis”, given that it has no adverse effect on sexual activity, even if it does), and that the surgery is absolutely unnecessary given the lower rates of STI transfer including HPV and HIV, and lower rates of anal, penile, and cervical cancer.
Or, you know, as mentioned, shut the hell up.
@146.
Yeah, buyer’s remorse is a bitch. I think my point is this:
Given that the only change is in whether one needs lubrication (I never have, even circumcised), and the level of tactile response one feels to certain stimuli, the question fundamentally falls to whether or not the purported “harm” actually causes an adverse effect on the man’s sexual health.
Aside from accusations and men who feel “cheated” (and there is some question as to whether a lot of this might not be psychological; we expect to feel less, we feel less, natch), I can find no basis for actual loss of sexual function.
You’ve already accepted that the diminished feeling comes only in masturbation (which has always worked fine for me), and oral sex (which has similarly never posed a difficulty). Given that, and the fact that the ability to orgasm (from which the actual pleasure of sex is derived), there seems to be no basis of the “harm” of circumcision.
I do wonder, as an aside, whether a lot of this may not be excuse making by some men. I’ve been in situations where a girl has been performing oral sex on me, and (to her dismay) been unable to make me orgasm. Is it possible other men have been in that situation, and used “desensitization” as an excuse.
@140
That… Wouldn’t work if there was actual desensitization of the penis. Allow me to explain:
If there is actual desensitization of the penis due to rubbing against fabrics/whatever on a day-to-day basis, then two things must also be true:
1. There is a limited shelf-life to a penis. If stimulation (even very small amounts, and done with limited contact) can eventually “desensitize”, then heavy stimulation from (say) a hand, mouth, anus, or vagina must desensitize it enormously.
2. The desensitization must be long-term (if not permanent). Otherwise, of course, we could test how long we had to keep the penis “protected” before it would return to “normal” sensitivity, and thus also test the difference in sensitivity.
Given that sex doesn’t seem to wear out the penis, and given that the foreskin restoration (A) doesn’t restore any nerve tissue, and (B) wouldn’t immediately “fix” a desensitized penis (even by protecting it), I’m gonna wager that there’s a huge amount of this that’s purely psychological. You stretched your penis skin to make more of it, and thought you’d be more sensitive, so (guess what) you’re more sensitive.
If we told boys everywhere that circumcised guys were more sensitive, one wonders if reality might just not follow suit, placebo effect and all.
@141
I’m curious why the cosmetic choice to prefer uncut penises is righteous, while if a woman prefers a cut penis, she’s automatically a degenerate, antediluvian, regressive, baby-hating, bitch.
@149
I’m not sure what videos you saw, but given your midwife’s axe to grind, I’m betting they weren’t legitimate medical instructional videos.
Let me lay down some knowledge:
1. It’s done very scientifically, and with very rare complications (as any surgery, I know). The doctor knows where to cut because they receive training, and because they use specifically made instruments to ensure proper technique. You do know that they go into blood vessels (far smaller than even the tiniest penis) to perform surgery every day, right?
2. Babies can receive topical anesthetic. True, it’s not as good as a general, but you wouldn’t want to put a baby under general anesthesia anyway. Out of curiosity, have you ever seen a doctor have to perform any surgery on a child? The child screams bloody murder, that doesn’t make the surgery inherently wrong.
@144
I think I’d have more sympathy with your “problem” of women finding your foreskin objectionable if there weren’t fifteen women on this site explaining why cut penises are wrong, and how they prefer uncut penises.
So, given that there are women of both types, let’s make a deal:
Any girl who objects to my having been circumcised, I’ll send your way. Any girl who objects to your not having been circumcised, you send my way.
That way, we can all be happy.
But demanding that the women who don’t appreciate foreskin learn to appreciate it, without having similar concern for us men who are being told that our bodies have been mutilated (which I don’t believe at all) is the height of hypocrisy.
@150
The ears provide a necessary function, and cutting them off would automatically create a loss of partial function for a child, it would handicap his ability to function as a normal child/adolescent/man. Not so with the foreskin.
Your analogy is specious.
@151 There are no benefits to circumcision that can’t be replicated by a 25 cent condom and ten seconds in the shower. Keep on cutting pieces off of your children for purely cosmetic cultural reasons. Most places won’t even let you do that to your dogs anymore. Keep on treating your children as though they are your property rather than human beings.
Would you care to name any surgeries that are routinely, forcibly, performed on children other than circumcision that are purely cosmetic in nature? I know that you can’t since you haven’t done so in your response, but I’ll still demand it of you just to show everyone else how pathetic your position is.
It doesn’t matter whether the surgery is harmful. What matters is that it is unnecessary and cosmetic. If a surgery is unnecessary, then forcing your child to undergo it is abuse, and you are unfit to be a parent. You deserve to be stripped of any children for their own protection.
But go ahead, keep on mutilating your children and pretending that it’s okay because it’s part of your culture. Just don’t you ever dare tell people that it’s wrong to do it to women, but okay to do it to men.
A male friend of mine completely changed my way of thinking of circumcision when he called it “genital mutilation”. I figure if I’m against that for women, I should support men by being against circumcision.