One of my best friends at college is gay. I’m a straight female with my own boyfriend. We’re going to be sophomores in the fall, and I feel like this is about the age where coming out to one’s parents is in order. However, my friend’s parents are conservative. His older brother is also gay—and when he came out, his parents cut off all funding for college and excommunicated him from the family, so my friend is understandably terrified.
When his parents come to visit, I tag along on “dates” with him to “meet the parents.” It’s a free meal, but it feels a little dirty to lie to his mom and dad about how “in love” we are. Moreover, my friend is coming to my house in California this summer. I had said I would love for him to come visit—as a friend. But his parents think he’s going to be staying with his girlfriend, and they’re thinking of tagging along so they can finally meet their future in-laws, i.e., MY PARENTS. I feel like this is getting way out of hand. How far should we take this act?
I Should Win An Oscar
When you feel bad about lying, ISWAO, remind yourself that you’re doing a good deed—you’re doing God’s work—every time you pass yourself off as this boy’s girlfriend. Yes, you’re lying to his mean-spirited, emotionally abusive parents, two complete shits who deserve so much worse than simply being misled. And he only lies to them because—for the time being—he must.
You should ask him to do three things to secure your continued cooperation in this deception. First, he has to make a solemn promise that he will come out to his parents the day after he graduates. Second, he has to reach out to his excommunicated brother and, if his brother can be trusted to keep his secret, he has to come out to his brother. Third, he has to break up with you at the end of the school year.
The course of true love never did run smooth, as someone or other once said, so a painfully messy June breakup with his college girlfriend—right before summer break!—not only makes your friend’s Potemkin heterosexuality that much more credible, it also gets you off the hook for this ill-advised summer visit. Then when September rolls around, ISWAO, you two crazy kids get back together. Repeat as necessary, i.e., be “on again” when his parents are in town, be “off again” when your parents are in town, over summer breaks, holidays, etc.
And help him look around for his next girlfriend—perhaps a lesbian student with similarly batshit parents—because he can’t expect you to be his beard for your entire college career.
I am a gay male teenager. I have not yet come out to my parents (I plan to soon), but my friends know. I’m curious why I relate more easily to my straight friends and am increasingly uncomfortable with my gay friends. Specifically, I have a lesbian friend who often makes jokes about “how gay I am.” In your opinion, are statements like that offensive (even considering the source)? Or am I still uncomfortable with myself? Your opinion on this matter would mean a lot to me.
Lost And Disillusioned
It’s good to have a sense of humor about yourself, LAD, whether you’re gay or straight or bi or whatever. Shrug off your lesbian friend’s comments if they’re not funny, laugh along with her if they are.
As for your preference for your straight friends: Right now there are a lot more openly straight kids in your life than there are openly gay kids. That means you’re drawing your straight friends from a much larger pool, and you’re able to be more selective about the straight people you hang out with. You can’t afford to be as selective when it comes to gay friends because (1) most gay kids your age aren’t out and (2) gays and lesbians are a tiny percentage of the population and you won’t meet lots of us until you get to one of those places where gays and lesbians clump up, i.e., large universities and big cities. Then you’ll be able to forge friendships with gays and lesbians whom you have something in common with besides your sexuality.
In the meantime, LAD, don’t write off all gays and lesbians everywhere as potential friends just because the few you had to choose from as a teenager weren’t among your best friends.
I need your help. I have entered into a period of my life where I am devoting all my mental resources toward my academics—grad school—and am not interested in dating. Thus, I bought a Real Doll so that I may enjoy fantastic masturbation during this loveless period. Unfortunately, while my parents were visiting, my mom discovered it and she reacted very, very badly.
You see, my dear mother is a feminist.
She is very upset by the doll and believes that it is an indication that I have lost all respect for women. I do not feel this is true. I view myself as a feminist, and I realize this society sexually objectifies women. But I also believe that I can masturbate with a rubber woman and have wild fantasies and then come back to reality and respect everyone—men, women, others. My mother, however, is extremely upset, and we haven’t been able to have a civil conversation since. I am hoping you can possibly give me some perspective.
Dolled Up
My perspective: Your masturbatory routines—including your masturbatory aids/aides—are none of your mother’s fucking business. And if your mother wants to be shocked by something, DU, it ought to be that her son-the-grad-
student had $5K to plunk down on a sex toy.
Your options at this stage are pretty limited. You can apologize to your mother and tell her what she wants to hear (“You’re right, Mom, I’m making an appointment with a therapist and donating my Real Doll to sex-starved grad students in Africa…”). Or you can tell your mother to fuck off and butt out (“It’s my dick, Mom, and I’ll stick it in whatever I want. You remember that ‘my body, my choice’ stuff, right?”).
That said, DU, your claim that you bought a Real Doll so you could “enjoy fantastic masturbation during this loveless period” doesn’t quite pass the smell-of-day-old-spunk-moldering-in-the-lifeless-orifice-of-a-silicone-dummy test. Most guys manage to tough out their loveless periods with the help of the porn industry and their own right hands. And most guys who opt for insanely expensive, life-size, hard-to-hide sex dolls do have issues with women—most are plagued by feelings of inadequacy, not superiority—so you may want to entertain the possibility that your mother might be right.
But even if you do have issues with women—still an if—they’re still none of your mother’s fucking business.
Want more? Dan Savage will be in Questionland Friday, May 21, from 1-3 pm to answer as many of your questions about love, sex, and relationships as he can in two hours! Ask Dan Savage a question now!
Excellent advice to ISWAO. And everyone better not give you shit about the SLOG rerun. It was a good one.
if there is one thing that movies have taught us its that there is never a good place to hide a body. which is what a Real doll is… a creepy lifeless body.
It was Lysander (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) who said that about the course of true love. It’s actually the only line I remember from when I played the role.
Having acted as a beard, briefly, for a former boyfriend who suspected his parents wouldn’t approve of his chubby chasing, I enjoyed the lobster dinner. (He broke up with me because I wasn’t fat enough — beat that, if you can! — but I’d always thought of him more as a friend, anyway, so we stayed friends.)
But don’t think I could have kept it up in the long run, so Dan’s “breakup” idea is great, and if you still want him to visit in the summer, you can say you’ve decided to stay “friends” — and that should keep his parents at bay.
As for my former boyfriend, I was hanging out with him when he met his future (large) wife, and after she died, have had a nice dinner with his new girlfriend.
So 40 years later, we’re still friends, more or less.
Keep the beard playing down to a minimum and maybe you guys can stay friends over the long run, too.
To LAD – I think it’s great that you can connect well to straight people. I know a lot of gays who are so insulated in their gayborhoods, which is fine, but I think that good things happen when we can mix comfortably into the straight social scene.
Where did the term “beard” come from? It’s so interesting. I’ve head it used before and know what it means, but I wonder whoever came up with it and how.
Love Dan and the column. Hate when he recycles Letter of the Day into said column!
I don’t have a problem with straight girls posing as partners of secretly gay guys but it CAN go wrong. For example: In high school I had a gay friend named Bill*. Bill’s parents were assholes so he had his friend Amy* come over all the time, and told his parents that was his girlfriend. But then Amy fell in love with Bill because she was whacko. She got insanely jealous over his boyfriends, went nuts at prom when she saw him flirting with a guy in his group blah blah blah. So be careful when choosing a beard.
*Not their real names. Just in case.
@7,
I don’t know either, but I also think it’s interesting and funny.
My bet is it came from Monty Python’s Life of Brian (with all the women at the stoning wearing fake beards) but that’s just a random guess.
@ 7
The term “beard” came from Shakespere, i think.
re: ISWAO, i cannot believe that any parent would excommunicate their child and take away their means of education because of sexual orientation. I know, i know, i should grab a slice of reality.
I just cannot even fathom putting myself in that place where, if my son or daughter came to me and proclaimed their homosexuality, that i would ever in a kajillion years shun them. Just wouldn’t / couldn’t do it.
Why should ISWAO’s gay friend come out to his gay brother? That’s dumb. If he is going to keep this a secret from mom and dad, the best way to keep any secret is not to spread it around, and esp don’t spread it close to home. And don’t create elaborate lies that can blow up in your face.
And if you really want to salvage a relationship with your parents, don’t let them find out that you are not just gay, but a big lying manipulative queen. If the older brother was cut from the same cloth, it’s possible that the parents disowned him for more reasons than just being gay.
And the rest of this advice to ISWAO is facile and manipulative. Lying is lying, and taking charity under false pretenses is not something he will feel proud of or remotely good about, even if the marks are homophobic assholes. This isn’t about respecting asshole parents who deserve nothing. This is about the gay guy’s own integrity.
I’ve been there and I decided to take as little of the parents’ dirty money as possible until I could take care of myself. And I was not actively pretending to be heterosexual with a girlfriend – just hiding the gayness, and denying it on the rare occassion when some busybody really put me on the spot and decided to make it their business to find out why I didn’t have a girlfriend or whatever. And when I did come out, it wasn’t the end of the world for anybody.
One of the hardest things about coming out was owning up to the fact that I was not honest about what I was for so long. It would have been much harder if I had been a huge and active liar about it. Perhaps that’s why married men come out so late, and how they end up causing so much damage to innocent people (such as unwitting beards) when they do come out.
This guy will not learn the self respect he needs to avoid HIV and protect his partners from HIV, or drug and alcohol abuse, or to have healthy relationships or friendships, or whatever, by rationalizing to himself that it’s OK to take advantage of other people if he can justify it by finding something they have done or would do wrong to him.
And ISWAO doesn’t need to be part of her friend’s lies. When I came out, I came out first to family, then friends, then anybody else if/when the subject came up. It really pissed me off when I came out how many gay people at work and elsewhere would come out to me in private, and then expect me to keep the secret of their double life for them. I came out so I wouldn’t have to keep that kind of secret anymore, not to start keeping secrets for other people. And ISWAO’s friend is taking advantage of her just as much as his parents.
@12 Are you reading the Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father posts on slog? Because there are some people out there doing shit to their children that this child-hating freak would not think of doing in a million years.
I mean, girls are still getting kicked out of the house for getting pregnant. How long have teenage girls been getting pregnant before marriage?
Why does my trolldar tingle so badly when I read the “Dolled Up” letter? I can’t be the only one realising it’s as fake as a porn star’s orgasm…
#12: I can think of a few things that a family member could do to become completely and permanently disowned. Some things are just that beyond the pale.
Not that I’ll defend seeing homosexuality as that huge a moral trespass, (or any moral trespass at all, for that matter,) but it’s not hard at all to see how someone sold a certain message would take that step.
To LAD,
Um, hey have you ever thought that maybe you’re picking your friends based on what kind of people they are rather than what their sexual orientation is? That’s a good thing! Hang out with the people you like and trust the most, be they gay, straight, white, purple, American, Klingon, whatever.
@13 – I was ready to completely agree with you until the end of your comment…
When you say, “double life”, are you referring people who were publicly dating the opposite sex while being with the same sex in private? Or do you mean that they played it like you did – led a quiet life, didn’t really tell anyone but you because you inspired them?
Agree with commenter #13 about the advice to ISWAO (beard). This is an unnecessary farce and they should stop or “break up”. The gay boy doesn’t need to come out if it’s going to jeopardize financing his education (and if he’s not personally ready yet), he just needs to be “single” in the eyes of his parents.
Tons of people go through their entire college careers without a long term romantic partner. And there are even more who may date – gay and straight, but never share about their dating life with their parents.
The lies and feelings of obligation are going to become a huge strain on their friendship – especially if the letter writer wants to have her own romantic life.
Dan, please pass along a thank you to ISWAO from me and the half dozen or so other fellows I’ve known who were in her friends position with his parents. She is indeed doing a good deed for which she should feel no quilt.
“I bought a Real Doll so that I may enjoy fantastic masturbation during this loveless period.” Shame on you, Dan, for being duped into printing a thinly veiled advertisement as a letter seeking advice.
Loyal Fan
If “Dolled Up” feels the need to justify himself, he should just explain that, at this point in his life, he isn’t in a position to pursue a real relationship. Instead, he has chosen to spare hopeful females by using artificial means to satisfy himself.
@13
It’s kind of fun to read a response from someone and think “I could totally see myself writing that”. Then I realize that it’s pompous, self-righteous, ignorant, asshattery, and I’m sad.
First:
Yeah, it’s nice for those of us who come from families who would accept (even if with some trepidation) any sort of revelation about our sex lives. I could admit to my parents that I’m secretly a transvestite furry into diapers, and they wouldn’t blow up about it.
Does that make me lucky? Hell yes. Does that make it a good idea for me to tell them if I had such proclivities? Probably, if it were important enough and obvious enough (hard to hide, if we’re wearing the fursuits to dinner). But does that mean that my honesty given parents who wouldn’t react in the worst way possible would be just as advisable if my parents were idiots? Fuck no.
There’s no indication that her friend wants to salvage any kind of relationship with his parents aside from the “pay for college like decent parents” one that requires such a farce. The fact that *you* could come out to *your parents* without it being the end of the world, and that you also didn’t create elaborate lies, doesn’t mean that there’s any chance in hell that ISWAO’s friend could do so with his parents. Don’t mistake “anecdote” for “categorical truth”.
How, incidentally, is he ‘taking advantage’ of his parents? Unless we accept that his parents are completely worthless human beings to begin with (willing to cut him off for being gay), then everything he gets from them is expected in the normal course of the obligations from a parent to a child. If they paid for a lavish wedding, or a house for him and his “bride”, that would be different. He’s only safeguarding the things he would be able to expect from any parents who aren’t complete assholes.
Also, holy crap. I’ve been judgmental, and even called an atheist Savanorola, but you blow me away here. He can’t learn self-respect without refusing to ostentatiously lie to his jerk parents? I’ve lied to my parents before, and I promise I have self-respect. Incidentally, what does “self-respect” in any sense tied to ones parents have to do with protecting oneself from STIs? Your argument makes no sense here.
He’s not taking advantage of anyone. He’s making sure his parents fulfill their reasonable obligations and promises to him by giving them no reason to break them. He’s asking one of his friends for help in making sure he can do that.
Would I agree he should come out, or at least not pretend to have a girlfriend, if there were no massively negative impact from his parents being suspicious? Of course. Do I think you’re full of crap in this instance, and that the facts of your situation are so wildly different as to render the comparison meaningless? Yes.
@19
Maybe we have very different definitions of “friendship”, but unless I was requiring one of my female friends to make out with me in front of my friends, there’s not a one who wouldn’t be willing to pose as my girlfriend for a few weeks.
In the same way I would pose as a boyfriend for any of them if necessary. Hell, I’d pose as a boyfriend for my male friends, or as a gay best friend for my female friends.
Part of being a good friend is helping out the people you care about. How the hell does that strain a relationship?
Good lord. Why does ISWAO’s friend need to maintain the illusion that he has one girlfriend throughout every semester of his college years?! They can “break up” and he can tell his parents that he’s not dating anyone, or not dating anyone seriously. Isn’t that the standard college experience? This isn’t the 50’s. We don’t expect young people to be engaged by graduation.
@23/seldon2639- best response to the dipshit ever…thank you!
For the record, the people who came out to me were having gay sex and going out to gay bars, and claiming to be straight at work and to their families. Sometimes they even had long term partners. And then they expected me to keep their stupid secrets, even in cases where other poeple had their suspicions and laughed at their pathetic attempts to pass. Why would people “like me” who were not living double lives have bothered coming out to me unless I was already a close friend (and I had no gay friends, mostly because so many of the gay people I met back in the 80’s always thought it was cute to insinuate that almost everyone was gay and I didn’t want to have to be always denying it around them, and I wasn’t ready to admit it).
I guess Dan the rest of you uppermiddle class brats think you have a god given right to a college education at your parents’ expense. And then after that you will excuse your lie to them because you think you have a god given right to an inheritance.. I can’t argue with people who have no integrity. Besides, when I was growing up, you were considered an adult capable of supporting yourself at 18. I guess some child support agreements require parents to support kids thru college. So if it’s such a right, why don’t you liars go to court and sue for your college tuition and room and board and see how that works out.
And I feel sorry for the people in your lives who are dumb enough to trust you ever.
I wouldn’t come out to my older brother in this situation – if older brother is astranged from the family he might take joy in ‘outing’ younger brother to the parents.
@27: No, the parents do now “owe” the child a college education. I know my parents did not offer to help me out, I had to “work it” to get every scholarship, and grant I could to get through undergrad and graduate school. And I am much better for it, believe me!!!!!
But, the point here is that the parents are offering a college education…which they will gleefully take away if they find out that the child is not exactly what they expect him to be. If the parents were not offering a paid education to their straight son, then we would not be talking about college tuition at all here, now would we? So, the point is, he should get that offered education, and just keep quiet until he graduates. Then he can come out, and be super successful, for the good of his life, and hell, just for spite 🙂
I think they can break up though. He can find another beard, or just be a single student. I was not in a relationship for my entire college years, most aren’t. And, she has fulfilled her good friend quota.
My two cents 🙂
Aaaah, Seldon, the more I see you on these comment boards, the more I love you. I may disagree with you the majority of the time, but you always lay out your arguments so clearly and, for the most part, logically (the discussions here sometimes have such a high emotional content that it’s impossible for anyone to be truly logical) and it’s refreshing to see such a thing on the internet. And on this occasion, I could not agree with you more. It’s a mistake to view these situations through the lens of our own families. If the guy’s brother was shunned when he came out, we can accept his own brother’s assertion that it was due to his homosexuality. Sadly, plenty of people still do shun their openly gay kids, so this isn’t really a stretch of the imagination. Also, how you chose to deal with being closeted does not invalidate ISWAO’s friend’s choice. If his parents will worry and nag him about getting a girlfriend when he’s single, then he’s better off with the beard. In any case, this course of action protects an individual from bigotry where it can do the most damage–at home, when you are still dependent on your parents.
Dan was right on the money about DU. With a mom that obtrusive, no wonder he’s feeling insecure and has issues with women. What is she doing snooping around his place? And um, er…if you know your mom is coming to visit is that not the time, if any, to invest in a good suitcase that locks? Just saying. Also, yeah, where the hell does a grad student get 5k for a real doll?That’s the real question here.
@31: I’ve had friends blow their student loans on all sorts of things.
Having only briefly been a gay male teenager (I’d come out to maybe 5 or so people in the year before my 20th birthday), I can’t speak to your exact predicament, LAD, but I also found what you found in my early 20s. I will say that I think Dan is totally right, but I also think it’s more complicated. First of all, no one’s chill at 17 or 18 or whatever you are, but straight guys probably come the closest. If they’re chill about your sexuality too, then they can make very cool friends for those who are luke-warm on drama, especially when you consider than it’s often the high-strung gays who can’t hide it who come out early (which is for the better, I think; they are who they are, and that’s amazing, but it can sometimes be hard for those with a low-tolerance for shriek). The other thing, I think, is possible sexual tension. That tends to go away after a few years when you’ve figured out more about who you like, who likes you, and how to divide friend (or even former lover) from lover. And finally, you can like yourself and not like the majority of gay people around you. There is no such thing as “how gay people act,” but there might be such a thing as “how a lot of the gay people around you act,” and you might not like it. It’s great to have friends who get this special part of you, but it’s not required. Maybe, like lots of chill heteros, you’ll just have one or two close friends who also happen to be gay and who, as a result, “get it.” Good luck!
@29: Yes, exactly. Parents don’t automatically owe their children college educations, but they can’t deny them to their children just based on their sexual orientation.
@#24 (Seldon). #19 here again.
Pretend relationship to get rid of unwanted attention from a creep or some similar situation? Absolutely. Gay or straight, I’m happy to do it for any of my friends and they’ve done it for me.
But it’s a different thing do it as a quickie favour or because you think it’s funny than to maintain a long-term illusion trying to trick someone that you have regular contact with – ie. parents.
The letter writer says in her letter that she feels it’s getting out of hand and she feels dirty lying. And it seems like she’s trying to lay down some limits (when it comes to the “girlfriend vs. friend” nature of the visit and the parents impression that it would be reasonable to come meet the “in-laws”) that her friend is trying to push in order to maintain the illusion to his parents.
I agree it’s a well intentioned deception that I’m sure started very innocently. But I think it’s run it’s course – she has affirmed her friends “straight” sexuality to his parents. Now she’s not enjoying it and just seems to feel obligated to continue. That’s where the friendship strain comes in.
There’s just no reason for them not to “break up” leaving her friend single. ISWAO can continue to attend family functions as a close friend even if they’re not dating.
I think this kid should come out to his parents and let the chips fall where they may. If they cut him off, oh well. At least he will not be lying about who he is…He and his brother can tell the parents to fuck off.
As far as the “girlfriend”, I don’t think she is a bad friend. But who wants to force their parents into a charade like that? It is silly and immature. Enough already!! Grow up and own your gayness. If your parents can’t deal with it, then that is on them. I think it is some kind of cosmic justice that two homophobes produced two gay sons, isn’t that some kind of unbelievable coincidence
‘those places where gays and lesbians clump up’
Ewwwwwww.
Also, of course the Real Doll is none of his mom’s business. Which is why she freaked the fuck out. Finding porn is bad enough– finding a corpse strapped with a Flesh Light (Okay, I’ve seen the docs, I know it’s more high tech than that) is going to make her uncomfortable, whether she believes women are humans with equal rights or no.
Is there something owed to the older brother who took the wrath in the first place? Is it okay to not take that step in coming out because of what happened to him? Is it being disingenuous to the older brother to not take the same risk or be as brave – or leave him on his own without the support of, “we’re both going to go through the same thing”?
I’m not out to my family, namely my mother’s side of the family. My older sister is a practicing wiccan and when that side found out, they all but disowned her – the loving examples of pious Lutherans they are. I feel guilty for not being out to them and risking the same drama, at the same time I don’t want to be used by my older sister to be paraded around as, “See, I’m not the only one that doesn’t fit in your ideological norms!” At the same time, I don’t want my relatives to look at with (more) disdain towards my parents as in, “couldn’t they get one kid right?”
Any advice on that?
@27, It’s a fact that when you apply for financial aid all colleges and universities EXPECT your parents to contribute something, usually 1/3rd. Unless you are an orphan, if your parents are not contributing you will NOT be eligible for the financial aid your parents fail to contribute. And no, an 18-year-old in this day and age is normally NOT able to support him/herself because most apartment complexes and even hotels will REFUSE to rent to anyone under 21. An 18-year-old not dependent on a parent is dependent on a 21-year-old friend to co-sign the lease. Any parent who kicks their kid out at age 18 without contributing anything toward college is either irresponsible or a low-life scum. And I say that as a parent of two children, the oldest of which will start high school in the fall.
@27 –
“Owing” your children an education isn’t the issue. The issue is the unstated threat of withdrawing that financial support if they disapprove of their son’s sexual orientation. Not that his parents can’t pay for it it (they can), not that they don’t believe they should pay for his education (they already are), but that they would only pay for the college education of a son that was fucking girls, or at least trying to.
Which, to me, is kind of a weird, “bridge too far” level of parental involvement in his private life, as well as a shitty way to form a decision on his educational worthiness. Is he flunking out of his classes? Is he well into his sixth year of undergraduate studies while he tries to find his true life-mission? Cancel the freaking check.
But to be allowed to decide who he gets to fuck as a condition of footing the bill for his education? That’s actually kinda creepy, if you ask me.
a rising tide lifts all luggage 🙂
Her: Your parents want to meet “the future in-laws???” (Brief pause to hyperventilate) I’m sorry, this is just moving too fast for me. I need space. We are only sophomores, for God’s sake! I’m terribly sorry, but it’s over.
Him: Gee, thanks, Mom & Dad. Thanks for ruining the one great true love of my life. In the future, will you kindly mind your own damned business, and let me conduct my emotional life on my own terms?
Then after that, any time the subject of girlfriends comes up, he can mist over a bit, and then give them The Icy Stare of Recrimination not only for destroying his Epic Love, but for failing to learn from their mistake.
Think they’ll buy it? 🙂
@42: Devious. I love it.
@42, agreed. Would give your parents incentive to butt the fuck out in the future.
Bonus points if when you finally DO come out to them, you say they turned you gay by trying to force your ex-gf to move too fast 😉
@42 wins, I think.
@42, agreed. Would give your parents incentive to butt the fuck out in the future.
Bonus points if when you finally DO come out to them, you say they turned you gay by trying to force your ex-gf to move too fast 😉
@27 and 29
Parents might not *OWE* their child help in college. But they are dicks if they won’t.
The US Government calculates your student aid based on your parent’s income. They will not let you be emancipated from your parents without proof of abuse. I had the proof of abuse, but if I used it my father would have lost his job.
My parents refused to pay for my college education, and refused to co-sign any student loans. I made it through college on my own, but I made myself incredibly sick doing so. Seriously, I got literally ill from overwork and stress. That doesn’t happen to everyone, I know.
But I’m very bitter about talk of how it’s “Good” for parents to be dicks to their children and not help out with their future when the US Government penalizes children for not getting said help. You don’t have to pay for the whole thing. But if your child does not qualify for the military, and if they are working and getting straight A’s, then you at least owe them co-signing their damn student loans.
I think the parents are awful, but they do not owe their children a college education, regardless of the reason or no reason. I also think it is bad of the student to lie — at least the parents are being honest about their homophobia (I know, gee, thanks).
The student should cut the family strings and forego the college aid. Or possibly use the money to get through school and then repay the debt over time if the parents do not forgive. Just because the student has the high moral ground doesn’t justify taking the money.
#42, genius. Hope that ISWAO is reading, damn.
And your parents might not exactly “owe” you a college education, but good parents do everything they can to help their kids with their education, even if it’s only helping them fill out the financial aid forms. A college education, in this day and age, is not a luxury. The guy has every right to get through school on their dime without feeling guilty.
Re “beard”: It apparently dates from the 1950s, referring to a practice where a horse trainer would bet on (or against, I suppose) his own horse. Since they’re not supposed to do that, they would get somebody to place the bet for them, and this person was called the “beard”. Dunno where it came from before that, but my guess would be that originally the trainer would just wear a fake beard to make the bet, or at least would be reputed to.
From this usage came “beard” in a heterosexual context, i.e., to hide an extramarital affair (see Woody Allen’s “Broadway Danny Rose” for usage of the term in this sense), and it probably wasn’t much of a jump for it to be applied to its current usage for covering somebody’s homosexuality.
Dan, you usually cite a reference to toys, books and products, but you didn’t for this guy’s Real Doll. What’s up with that? How did you know it was 5K if you didn’t look it up?