Where can a straight guy find a transsexual woman who is NOT a hooker and just wants to be friends (with benefits)? I know of one club where they hang, but they are mostly hookers there. I would like to go someplace where I could meet one and see if we could hit it off and go from there. I know they are out there, but I just can’t find them! Help a brother out! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!
Lonely Tranny Lover
If what you’re looking for is a transsexual who’ll allow you to fuck her—or who’ll fuck you—but who won’t require you to have an actual relationship with her, LTL, then you’ll have to pay some nice woman for her time and her emotional distress, like all the other straight guys out there into MTFs. Why do they have to pay? Because, LTL, it’s kinda shredding to sexually service someone who’s embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Just ask any openly gay man dating a closet case and/or a Catholic priest, or any BBW sleeping with a man who’s married to a rail-thin trophy wife he isn’t physically attracted to. Someone who puts up with that kind of bullshit—”You blow me, I blow you off”—should be compensated for her time, pain, and suffering.
It’s nice that you’re willing to be friends with the transsexual you’re fucking, LTL—that puts you above most straight-identified men who are into trans women. But most trans women, hookers or not, want more than that. They want love, companionship, intimacy, and a commitment—you know, all that shit non-trans women want. Be open to an actual relationship, LTL, and you’ll have an easier time finding a non-pro who’s open to you.
I’m a 24-year-old straight female in a relationship. The sex is great, except for one thing: My boyfriend is so fucking quiet while we are having sex. No words, no moans, a stone-cold facial expression. I know he is enjoying himself because he always comes and he initiates sex as often as I do. However, his stoic demeanor makes it hard for me to really get into stuff that isn’t directly pleasurable for me. It’s hard to be motivated to choke on someone’s cock when they look and act like they can’t even feel anything.
I’ve mentioned this to him several times after sex, and he just laughs it off and then says something like “Do you expect me to scream like a girl?” I’ve told him that that’s not at all what I expect. I just want some sign of life! One time, I purposely remained completely silent during an orgasm, like he does, and he became very self-conscious. He didn’t believe me when I told him I came, and I asked him how he likes it when I’m quiet. He thought this was funny, and then things went back to normal.
Why is he so quiet? What can I do?
We’re Not In The Library
Stop treating this like it’s a problem, WNITL, even if you experience it that way, and start treating it like a challenge and a game.
Give him a blowjob, choke on that cock, bring him right to the edge, then pull his cock out of your mouth and say, “Do you like that? Are you close? You want me to keep going?” Then look up at him and slowly stroke his cock—not fast enough to get him off, but not so slowly that you’ll have to start that blowjob all over again—and wait for his response. When he says something, his dick goes back in your mouth. When he stops talking, his dick comes back out. Or if he’s fucking you and he’s getting close, wrap your legs around his ass and pull him in and hold him there so he can’t thrust. Then say, “Feel good? Getting close? Wanna finish?” Don’t let him budge until he talks; don’t let him continue if he stops talking.
Be playfully, sexily confrontational, WNITL, and you’ll be able to extract the feedback you want during sex while helping him get over his insecurities about how men are supposed to act during sex.
My boyfriend/fiancé likes to be put in a cage, and we have a very scary-looking cage in my closet. (God help me if my mother ever finds it—I’ll be in more trouble than that guy whose mother found his life-size sex doll!) His biggest turn-on is to come home on Friday night, go right into his cage, and for me to keep him there until Sunday morning. I only let him out if he needs to have a bowel movement or if I want to screw. (There’s a bottle of water in his cage if he gets thirsty and an empty bottle if he needs to pee, and he doesn’t get fed much because he’s not exactly burning calories in there.)
I’ve been reading your column since I was 19 (I’m 27 now), I’m GGG, and I’m happy to do this for my boyfriend. And knowing he’s in there waiting for me—and doing crunches to pass the time (you should see his abs!)—does make me horny, too. The issue: I won’t leave our apartment when he’s locked up. What if there’s a fire? Or we get burgled? Or if there’s a meteor strike? Or a terrorist attack? He says I’m being paranoid and that it really turns him on to know that I’m out with my girlfriends, having drinks or whatever, while he’s locked up in my closet “with the rest of my things.” Who’s in the right here?
My Boyfriend Is My Prisoner
P.S. Our only other conflict: He insisted we find a place with two closets, one of them walk-in, because he wants to be stored in my closet, not a shared closet, “with the rest of my things.” (That phrase really turns him on—he’s one of my things!) We passed on some beautiful apartments because the closets weren’t perfect, and my mom—who helped with the down payment and apartment-shopped with us—thought we were crazy. If only she knew!
You’re in the right, MBIMP. If there’s a fire or a burglary or meteor strike—or if you get hit by a car and wind up in a coma for three months and he slowly starves to death in your apartment—then you could go to jail for manslaughter and/or negligent homicide. So that fiancé thing of yours shouldn’t be left alone when he’s in his cage; no one should ever be left alone tied up and/or imprisoned. If he insists on you going out on a cage weekend, MBIMP, then you’ll have to hire a sitter—bondage, not baby. Take out a personal ad, lay out what you need (someone to be there, in case something happens, but that’s all), and very, very carefully interview applicants. Better yet, get involved with your local BDSM group, make some kinky friends, and see if anyone is up for a little bondagesitting.
Or, hey, you can live a little dangerously: Give your boyfriend a cell phone, don’t go far, and instruct your prisoner to call if he smells smoke while he’s doing his crunches.
A PROGRAMMING NOTE: Lots of folks have asked me where my iPhone app is. Well, I didn’t have one—until now. The Savage Love iPhone app has been submitted to Apple. Will they accept it? Or will it be too porny for Steve Jobs? Stay tuned.
My prediction: As rich a resource as that app would be, it won’t pass muster for those Puritans running the App Store.
<3 ya Dan!
Might I also suggest to MBIMP to leave the key to the cage inside an ice cube, in a bowl of cold water within reach for her partner in the cage, or something similar in any event he needs to get out of there safely and quickly as possible.
Always so good.
Why doesn’t MBIMP just pretend to go out? Just slam the front door, and then hang out and read a book for a few hours. When “coming home”, just slam the door again! Her boyfriend-thing will never know the truth if he’s caged up in her closet.
I feel your frustration WNITL!!! My boyfriend is exactly like that too!!! Even though he says he’s really enjoying himself…but I can’t help feel insecure and actually turned off at times, especially considering I’m so loud and expressive by nature,LOL. I’m going to try Dan’s advice. I think it could actually work! Good luck.
I love the whole “like one of my things” hehehehe
Great column, Dan!
@4 – that was my first thought. If she does agree to go out though, I think she has enough options to keep it safe. The cell is obviously the best option, as long as she can call and check on him periodically. (It won’t do much good if he;s hurt or something and can’t call) I’m not super technosavvy, but a webcam would let her check in on him periodically, like a baby monitor. If he’s in the dark, then she’d need an IR cam and light source, and a phone that would handle the feed.
Dan, the advice to WNITL is one of the hottest things I’ve read in my entire life. Will be trying this out with my (pretty damn responsive) partner this weekend.
…And damn if I’m not excited.
An idea for MBIMP:
Back in Catholic school, when we’d go on school trips and stay in hotels, teachers put a piece of tape on the outside of our door to ensure we wouldn’t leave. If the tape had come unstuck, they’d know that an escape had taken place. Maybe MBIMP could do something similar with the cage while she’s out? Leave the door unlocked, but forbid the fiance to leave the cage, using the tape method to ensure he complies with orders.
I do not agree at all with Dan’s advice to LTL.
I think there could certainly be Transexuals that are into “friends with benefits”, just as there are straight, gay, and lesbians who are into this.
Also, why did Dan jump to the conclusion that LTL is afraid to be in public with his Tran?
Almost seems like Trans-Discrimination on Dan’s part!
But I love Dan.
NO noise at all? What’s the point??
Like Salt ‘N Pepa said IF YOU DONT YELL BROTHER HOW CAN I TELL???
Girl one up your little experiment and stop making ANY noise when he pleases you, especially during oral – he will hate it and you refuse to increase the volume until he does.
I’m sure Dan’s advice will work better, but a no sound chump who wont even TRY to change that despite how much it bothers you sounds AWFUL to me. No dirty talk even?
BRUTES GIRL BRUTES
MBIMP could also hide a key within reach (perhaps under the carpet, or inside a shoe in the closet) and not tell her boyfriend about it unless he calls in an emergency.
Is MBIMP’s guy into being punished? If so, all she needs to do is leave an extra key within reach, but coated in something super messy (like..I don’t know, super fine glitter? Someone help me out…) where if he were to touch it and use it, she’ll know ‘cuz it’ll get everywhere. Then he can safely use it in the case of emergencies, but if he uses it for any other reason…big trouble.
@10: they are probably in such high demand (compared to the supply) that the writer is unlikely to find one willing to do the FWB thing. That’s just a guess, but I think Dan probably has his thumb on the pulse of the MTF community enough to know such a thing.
@WNITL: discretely hidden key within arm’s reach of the cage. Maybe underneath? If it’s out of sight that maintains the integrity of the fantasy about as much as you can while still being safe.
@11: through masturbation while teens living at home, men teach themselves to be as quiet as possible. It can be difficult to unlearn. Dan’s advice is really good, but if that doesn’t work me more forceful.
Maybe noisy girl can tell her lover how much it excites her to hear him moan or gasp with pleasure…he will eventually get louder…mine did
I think WNITL needs to have a more frank and honest discussion with her boyfriend. Here’s a sentence she should use: “remember that time I went stone silent and it made you really self-conscious? That’s how I feel every time. You’re allowed (expected) to show some signs of enjoyment.”
LTL: Where does a guy find any woman who’s looking for a casual FWB thing? If you’re willing to invest the time making a name for yourself, get involved in trans-friendly causes. Be patient, be friendly and don’t be a douche, and you should meet enough transfolks that some of them are bound to be NSA-friendly transgirls. Although let me again underline the “don’t be a douche” part; do this to network and meet new people, not to earn hookup brownie points.
MBIMP: Does your cage use a padlock? If so, get a number-based one rather than a key-based one. Leave him with a phone so he can call you in case of emergency to get the code, otherwise he’s stuck. For added security, share the code with a few trusted friends who he can call in case you’re MIA.
Otherwise, what other people have been saying. Phone is mandatory CYA, ideally you’d have friends who weren’t too squicked by the idea run the occasional checkup, and you really want to have a key somewhere he can get to it for when shit hits fan.
WNITL: What Dan said. If you have the opportunity, phone/netsex can also set a stage of “if you’re not participating, nothing’s happening”. You’re probably not going to make a screamer out of him, but he’d be a pretty crappy boyfriend if he doesn’t talk dirty/ham it up a bit when you specifically tell him it gets you off.
I’m an App developer; pretty much any well-designed App that isn’t actual pornography gets passed. Hell, look at Grindr.
All the rules are just like the laws of society: they’re only there to catch the scum. The rest of us can break them in minor ways and get away with it.
It seems to me, hiding a key would deflate the proceedings more than leaving loudly and sneaking back in, but sooner or later you’re gonna want a cup of tea i suppose.
WNITL: My boyfriend was like this for a while at the start of our relationship. My main advice is to start edging him toward and away from orgasm a lot more. Blowjobs are the perfect way to do this. At some point he will get desperate and start pleading for you to finish him off. 😉
The quiet boyfriend may never vocalize during sex. Instead, she should buy him a bicycle horn. When he’s feeling pleasure, honk. When he’s getting close, honk honk. When he’s coming – the room will sound like a Marx Brothers convention.
I’m one of those silent types – I’m a breath-holder – and I always feel a tad guilty because I want and like a noisy partner.
For the woman who imprisons her boyfriend:
Try plastic cable ties instead of a padlock. Leave some scissors in reach, but let him know that once the tie is cut, he will have to have a bloody good reason…These would be impossible to replace after removal, if she hides her cable tie stash. I know this might seem less sexy, but it depends on the person.
I was once left in a cage while my owner and his friends went for a short walk. They used a more makeshift method of twisting wire around the bars holding it closed, in such a way that it would be clear if I had undone it and put it back on.
I did see a really good BDSM store online which had them but all with individual numbers on to prevent replacement, but I’ve forgotten the link. If anyone finds it, that’d be awesome.
@13 That is way freakin’ hot.
MBIMP should supply some pics of the bf’s abs. Because, you know, we all need to verify that he’s staying healthy and active? Right?
It sounds to me like the caged boyfriend would not want to have a key to his cage. I think the webcam idea is pretty good, but you would have to find a tech savvy friend to set it up for you. The best scenario would be to have a very understanding neighbor who would keep the key in case of emergencies. The boyfriend could have a cellphone to call the neighbor if he needed to get out of the cage.
No way would I want someone who would be willing to babysit a man in a cage in my house! I would have two worries then! one, is my boyfriend ok with this person, and two, is this person masturbating in my shoes, or with the vegetables in my kitchen, so on etc…people (obviously) have some very strange fetishes!
@10:
Dan’s batting average is MVP-level, but he strikes out occasionally, doesn’t he.
When LTL says he “would like to go someplace where I could meet one and see if we could hit it off and go from there,” what he’s saying is that he’s looking for the very qualities that Dan’s suggesting he’s trying to avoid: “love, companionship, intimacy, and a commitment.” Which you don’t get from hookers of any sexual stripe, by definition. And which is part of their allure to those who feel that allure.
I don’t think Dan’s advice was “trans-discrimination,” as you put it, #10, but the inverse. Every so often, Dan assumes the worst in people who are trying to practice their kinks with some integrity and compassion, for themselves and for their putative partners.
Dan’s got a recurring blind spot. I’m not sure where it comes from– he’s got his hang-ups, as we all do — but it’s there.
Sincerity isn’t always hypocrisy, Danny Boy. Why the occasional passive-aggressive anger? It degrades the cleverness and insight.
As someone who doesn’t express his emotions very much, and likes it that way, I really appreciate you posting this comment. If my partner’s enjoyment depends on me making some outward sign of what I’m feeling, I’ll make the effort. But it doesn’t come naturally to me and as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing wrong with that.
MBIMP can check out X10 home networks like INSTEON or whichever brand fits their purposes better. A computer can be used to remotely open locks and access can be through a smartphone/iphone. A video camera pointed at the cage might make things hotter for them too. She should put in some kind of escape method though just in case something happens and she never gets the message to let him out.
The advice to WNITL is definitely hot. Better to entice than to make demands
I think WNITL needs to be careful about how she goes about this. I’m not nearly as quiet as her partner, but I’ve had two ex-girlfriends who demanded vocalization during sex. It takes a lot of concentration on my part to get off. Sometimes I can concentrate and vocalize, sometimes I can do one but not the other. My two exes demanded vocalization so much that even when I did manage to reach orgasm, sex pretty much became a chore. Dirty talk definitely became a chore.
I don’t know how I’d react if my fiancée did what Dan suggests (though she doesn’t really seem to mind if I’m a little less noisy, and she’s the same way I am) but my reaction when reading it was that it sounded frustrating, and was more likely to induce stress and perhaps anger than a screaming orgasm.
I think WNITL needs to be careful about how she goes about this. I’m not nearly as quiet as her partner, but I’ve had two ex-girlfriends who demanded vocalization during sex. It takes a lot of concentration on my part to get off. Sometimes I can concentrate and vocalize, sometimes I can do one but not the other. My two exes demanded vocalization so much that even when I did manage to reach orgasm, sex pretty much became a chore. Dirty talk definitely became a chore.
I don’t know how I’d react if my fiancée did what Dan suggests (though she doesn’t really seem to mind if I’m a little less noisy, and she’s the same way I am) but my reaction when reading it was that it sounded frustrating, and was more likely to induce stress and perhaps anger than a screaming orgasm.
:-/ Sorry about the double post.
Dan, I really couldn’t disagree more with the advice you gave to WNITL. Her silent boyfriend is a guy who has a big problem with himself, evidenced by his question “do you expect me to scream like a girl?” In other words, he thinks it isn’t masculine to make noises during sex. If WNITL follows your advice, Dan, I believe the boyfriend is going to take all his self-directed issues and place them squarely on HER. How do you think a guy who feels insecure about his masculinity would react to suddenly being non-consensually topped by his gf? (orgasm denial is definitely topping). I am vey concerned that if WNITL follows your advice, the bf will react aggressively to her, and transfer all his pent up frustration and insecurity he’s feeling about himself into blame and hostility directed towards his well meaning gf.
For LTL, there is a group who would fulfill your request, you just might have to change your standards a little bit. Crossdressers. Sure, maybe we dont look like the she-males in porn, but we definitely can provide the illusion that get you past the I’m-having-sex-with-a-guy thought. We dont spend everyday looking like a girl, but for a bit of fun and frolic of the NSA variety, there are plenty around, just take a look, and dont expect us to look like you can take us to that hot spot dance club.
@ WNITL… when i was younger, i had a bf who was the silent type DURING sex… much like the LW’s bf, to the point where i would have to ask him if he came, since sometimes he would remain hard even after orgasm. I always found such eroticism in diving into his eyes while he was thrusting into me… when we were face-to-face 🙂
However, he was full of dirty and erotic talk before and after sex.
The irony of this is that HE is the one who opened me up during sex so that i felt free to express my inner erotic, dirty girl. (I’m not a screamer, never have been, so, not talking about that.) Before him, i kept totally silent for fear of offending. He didn’t pressure me; he just gave me permission to speak. He taught me so much, and i’ve never looked back. Nowadays, i can’t prevent stuff from popping out of my mouth during sex (excuse the pun)!
I understand, LW, that you feel you are missing out on his emotional connection, but you shouldn’t pressure him to change. You should definitely express your feelings on the topic without coming off as blaming him, and choose a time for that talk when you are NOT being intimate leading to sex.
Some people are just the strong, silent types, such as #29/30. You have to figure out how to get the most out of the connection you do have, but if you have to play games like Dan suggests, IF your bf is ok with that, then do it, but i wouldn’t just throw those games on him without first discussing it.
Instead of a sitter, why not just leave the cage closed but unlocked? Give him instructions that he’s not allowed to leave while she’s out- if he does leave there will be severe consequences. It adds to the game and it gives him the option of disobeying his mistress. Sometimes it’s fun to give your sub the option for additional misbehaving/punishment. This way, he gets to be one of her “things”, but he also has the ability to free himself in case of emergency- be it terrorist related or otherwise dangerous.
Just wanted to add something- What about using a tie on the door to his cage that is easily broken but can’t be resealed? Or something outside his cage that would be knocked over and couldn’t be reset from the inside, if he were to open the door? If it’s a real emergency, he might not have time to reach for his glitter coated key, get the combo lock open or use scissors to cut a plastic tie. In a true emergency he might need to be able to get out of his cage immediately, without wasting any time.
To LTL – in order to meet a transsexual woman to be your friend with benefits, why not just start as “just friends” with one of us? Get involved with LGBT related events and organizations, there is bound to be a few TS women there as well and just strike up a conversation with them. You might start off as friends and then it could develop into a FWB type thing. Worse case scenario, you just make some new friends.period. You could also try online message boards too, but I think you’ll have a better chance making true friendships if you meet people in person.
MBIMP, if you go to fetlife.com you can actually find lots of super exciting (and nice) groups of people that would probably just love to help you out. You have to join (it’s free) but then you can search for groups in the Seattle area and put out your personal on their forums. I’ve been on for a while, and as an 18 year old college student I can say that the majority of the people I have met are totally cool and safe. The major rule of the site is respect.
Yeah, I’m not sure about the games Dan suggests. Definitely a good idea, but just one among many, and you need to decide whether your BF will react to it well.
I had/have a boyfriend who’s fairly quiet too, and I just told him that I enjoy it when he does make noise and that it’s OK now that we have our own place. I also remind him how much he likes it that I’m a vocalizer, and ask him to focus on how his noises make *me* feel hot — which usually turns him on. He’s still nowhere near as loud as I’d love, but it’s an improvement and I think he’s reacting more openly, which is the key thing.
At SOME point, though, you’ll need to realize that he might just be at a different level of noise than you are. So keep that in mind while you poke him.
I also agree with @32 that “scream like a girl” is a bothersome phrase. I’d be pissed at my BF for characterizing it as some kind of weakness or something below him.
Does it have to be noise? How about some other physical indication that your partner is getting off, like stroking or hair-pulling or caressing or biting or deep bloody scratches from your fingernails in your partner’s back? All of that sounds totally hot to me (whether giving or receiving), but I also like both hearing and making vocal noise (but better grunts and moans than screams)…
Regarding LTL: while Dan may be assuming the worst of this particular person, he does raise a pretty important issue for a lot of trans women: the percentage of guys who are interested in getting on with trans girls in an FWB way *only* is MUCH higher than it is with guys and non-trans girls.
There’s nothing at all wrong with FWB arrangements, but there is still a generally pretty strong social stigma about straight guys openly dating trans women. Personally, I don’t mind FWB with the right person, but it’s very tough to get beyond it with most guys, in my experience. Any assistance that Dan and the Savage Love community can give towards shattering that stigma would be awesomely appreciated.
I disagree with what you said to WNITL, Dan. It think her boyfriend needs to realize that making sounds in bed doesn’t mean you’re a girl. Also I’m guessing she wouldn’t be so troubled if he acted out his pleasure and responded physically to it. I’m guessing he just lies there like a rock and waits for her to finish.
I had the same problem with my boyfriend (I’m a 26y/o gay man) and I fixed it by talking to him and explaining to him that it gets me hot to hear him moan and see him squirm. I also tried a few of the tricks you described, but talking is also important. The way he’s humorously shaking it off is a way of avoiding conflict. They need to confront the issue and talk about it seriously.
@40: Good point on different kinds of sounds. The fact that the guy immediately pointed to “screams” might be an indication that he doesn’t think other noises count? Take that into account.
Here’s an idea for MBIMP:
Lock the door with a padlock and put the key within reach of the bf. Then loop a piece of paper around the lock, so that if the boyfriend needs to open it up, he has to tear the paper to get at it. That way if he’s been out, she knows and can punish him, but he’s able to escape in case of emergency.
@ #40… hey, whatever rings your bell, but you sound like you’re deeply into S&M with your suggestions… “deep bloody scratches” is not for everyone, and honestly, if it were me being deeply and bloodily scratched while being fucked, it would totally ruin my fuck experience and make me yowell in pain and draw back in fear. I’m pretty sure it’s not the type of noise (or experience) the LW is talking about.
I second AhPook33’s (#32) read: WNITL’s boyfriend sounds like he has some issues concerning strongly internalized gender roles in sex. He seems to think guys don’t/can’t/shouldn’t make noise during sex, based on that comment and the fact that he doesn’t take her concerns seriously (“He thought this was funny, and then things went back to normal.”). He’s going to have to get over those issues before he’s going to be comfortable with making noise, although I will acknowledge that perhaps Dan’s suggestion will force him to do something with which he’s not comfortable and thereby realize that there’s not really anything necessarily ‘unmanly’ or whatever about making noise during sex.
That said, like truthspeaker (#27) above, I don’t happen to be someone who makes much noise (maybe some grunting/low moaning when I’m getting close to orgasm) during sex, and I’ve also been told I adopt an odd expression that suggests I’m upset or uncomfortable (which isn’t the case at all, usually). While I might be able to consciously adjust some of these behaviors, it would certainly be a chore to do so, requiring a level of self-discipline and focus that would make sex somewhat less enjoyable/more of a chore (and would also be somewhat contrary to the whole idea of me voicing my pleasure). I’d certainly make the effort to reach some sort of level of vocalization that works for me and my partner, were this to be a problem, but it would be one of those things that I’d be doing solely for my partner and her pleasure. As this may in fact defeat the purpose, it could simply be the case that someone who wants a screamer is too sexually-incompatible with someone who doesn’t make (enough) noise for a sexual relationship to work in a way that is satisfying to both parties.
WNITL needs to be assertive about her needs and willing to dump this guy if he’s not willing to work to meet them.
Sounds as if the man who likes to be put into a cage has some serious issues from childhood. No doubt his girlfriend does as well.
Look, it doesn’t really matter what the BF’s problem with making noise during sex is, the point is that his GF wants him to do something other than lay there stone-faced like a fucking robot. The fact that he won’t do anything, at all, differently suggests that he’s a self-centered asshole during sex and she should consider moving on. If your partner won’t even try to make you happy in bed (in this case, try to dial down the weirdness even), then let them know you’re looking elsewhere for a better deal. It’ll hurt their feelings, but you’ll get a response and maybe, just maybe, they’ll re-evaluate their dickish behavior in the sack. And for those who’ve chimed in with the “I’m quiet ’cause I have to concentrate!” defense, concentration when you’re nearing orgasm is one thing; sex is a little longer and more involved than that and you need to spend at least some of the time getting your partner into it. Wearing a mask, which is what he’s doing, the whole time is creepy and weird when the other person isn’t into that.
Make an Android app, Dan. F*ck Apple.
would MBIMP’s boyfriend be into her having people *over* on a weekend night, having drinks and hanging out like normal, and just not mentioning that her bf happens to be locked in cage in the closet? It’s sort of a compromise, and a way of treating him like another one of her “things.” On the other hand, I suppose this is making her visiting friends unwitting (if tangential) participants in the fetish, so I can’t decide about the ethics of that.
Wow.
The advice to wnitl sounded like tons of fun. I so have to try that on my bf.