I lost my virginity last night.
I’m a straight male in my early 30s, so it was about time. It wasn’t awkward, and we had a good time. However, I didn’t climax, the result of years of death-grip masturbation. (Thanks for the warning, Dan, I’m sorry I didn’t heed it.) She took it personally but seemed satisfied when I said it was only nerves.
I am left this morning with confusion and trepidation about my relationship with my new girlfriend. I suppose this is normal, but I don’t see last night as a “bonding moment,” and I am afraid that is a bad sign. I also find myself being extra critical of my partner’s performance, which, as a virgin, I am not in a good position to judge. She has never been a particularly good kisser and her blowjob technique was less than spectacular. Although it was a pleasant experience, I feel like it lacked passion or a spark.
I feel like an asshole for even having these thoughts. Is there something wrong with me and/or am I an ass-hole?
One Potential Asshole
P.S. I have attached photos in hopes that you will respond.
There could be something wrong with you, OPA, and you could be an asshole. I can’t rule either possibility out after quickly skimming one e-mail and thoroughly examining three nude photographs.
Just because you’re a virgin—or were a virgin—doesn’t mean you’re going to automatically click with the first woman who volunteered to put your dick in her mouth. However much you like this girl, OPA, you still might not be sexually and/or chemically compatible.
But sex is a skill that takes time and practice to acquire. It may take a little time and some experimentation for you to discover what works for you. And if you give her some time, you may find that she works for you.
If she didn’t know you were a virgin, OPA, tell her. And tell her that it wasn’t nerves that prevented you from getting off, but the unfamiliarity of the sensations you were experiencing and, perhaps, a masturbatory style that desensitized your dick. Tell her it might take you a little while to get there, but with her help and patience—and mouth and pussy—you’re sure you can get there. And then try to relax, experiment, and enjoy.
And no more death grip—period. When you masturbate, use your nondominant hand, a lighter grip, and perhaps a Fleshlight.
I’m herpes-free, but I found out today that my roommate has contracted it. He has a sore but won’t see a doctor about it because he says he’s embarrassed. We share the same bathroom, so I knew I would have to be diligent about that. But now I am freaking out: Not long after he shared this information, my 7-month-old puppy runs into his room and proceeds to cover my roommate’s face in kisses. I’ve called the vet and my medical provider, and while they both agree that my pup cannot contract the STD, they cannot rule out the pup passing the infection on to me. Please advise. I would like to know how to best handle this situation.
Scared To Death
Wouldn’t it be great if being paranoid about contracting herpes was the only way to contract herpes?
Look, STD, lots of people self-diagnose themselves with herpes when all they have is an innocuous little cut or sore near their mouth or genitals. People who are too embarrassed/ridiculous to go see their doctors are highly likely to arrive at a herpes misdiagnosis. So calm the fuck down.
Even if your roommate does have herpes, STD, you’re not going to get it from sharing a toilet—unless you and the roommate have invented a novel new way of taking a dump. And you’re not going to get it from your damn dog. For his own sake, your roommate shouldn’t allow your dog to lick his open sores (who does he think he is? Job?), herpes-related or not, and if you’re really freaking out about your promiscuously affectionate new dog, well, you can make up your mind to refrain from kissing any animal that drinks out of toilets, licks its own ass, and laps up vomit.
I have a new girlfriend. She likes me to eat her cream pie after we have sex. She does get off again and squirts most of the time when I do it. No one has ever asked me to do this before her. Is she crazy? Or am I for doing it?
Not A Cream Pie Lover Yet
Why does someone have to be crazy? A cream pie isn’t my preferred post-orgasm snack—I much prefer a Creamsicle—but if it gets her off, and if doing this for her doesn’t leave you curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position, then you’re not crazy and neither is she. She’s kinky, you’re GGG, and you’re both enjoying some kick-ass, boundary-
pushing sex. Enjoy.
I’m a 28-year-old straight guy. I’m also five feet six and 124 pounds. I know, I know—I’m hardly microscopic. But I always feel like I’m a lost kid when I’m at a bar or club, with people my age or younger towering over me. So that, right away, is a confidence killer when trying to meet women. But here’s the real kicker: I like tall women. In fact, I prefer somewhat butch women—Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry, Geena Davis in A League of Their Own—and this leads to the ancillary problem that many of the women I’m attracted to are lesbians and thus are not interested in me. But even the tall, butchy straight/bi girls tend to go for guys who are taller than them. Most women I talk to about why they fall for tall guys have a common theme: They are looking for someone who makes them feel secure.
That’s what I want! Is it so damn wrong to want a woman to be protective of ME? I want to be held by a strong pair of lady arms! No, I’m not into super-muscle women, nor am I into hardcore dom/sub stuff. Why is my vanilla kink such an obstacle? What am I to do?
Below Their League
Most women prefer men who are taller than they are. It’s a sad, unavoidable fact, BTL, one you’ll have to accept (just as I had to accept that most men prefer women), and you’ll have to search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams. Not much else you can do about it.
I’ve got some space to kill, so here are a few Savage Love programming notes: My recently announced celebrity crush—Stefon on SNL as portrayed by Bill Hader—is no longer operative. My new celebrity crush is Branden Hayward, the actor who plays the cute-but-dim young husband in those Rhapsody commercials. Sigh.
Ever wanted to be a porn star for a weekend but not for the rest of your life? Ever wanted to win large cash prizes? Go to thestranger
.com/hump to learn more about HUMP!, The Stranger‘s annual amateur porn festival that’s now in its sixth year. Hardcore, softcore, erotica, animation, robots, zombies, virgins, cream pies, lady arms—everyone and everything is welcome at HUMP! The deadline for entry is October 15. Go to the website for contest details, release forms, and dates.
And finally: Khia’s new album? My goodness.
Maybe OPA has unrealistic expectations regarding porn and partners due to decades of learning about sex only from porn? Porn and real sex are so unrelated that it is quite understandable he would feel something was “wrong” with the sex he had if he expected something straight from porn.
khia, my goodness me!
Hey, BTL, 5’6″ is really not that short.
Practice good posture (which makes everyone WAY more attractive). You can project that “hey, I’m secure and you’ll be secure with me” thing with posture way more effectively than you can with height anyway.
If you really want a few inches, you can always put some lifts in your shoes.
BTL, buck up! If crazy Tom Cruise (5’6″) can do it (Nicole Kidman — at least 4 inches taller, and definitely longer arms), so can you.
BTL, my boyfriend is 5’5” and women flirt with him all the time! Confidence is more important than size, so work on your confidence!
Great column, Dan! Enough with the puppy-hating though, eh?
I wonder if OPA is asexual? “Is that all there is” sounds like a common response of asexuals having sex.
@7 but there’s no such thing as an asexual orientation, and you damn well know it.
BTL, I’m a butch bi girl, and you sound like someone I’d be very attracted to. I happen to be short too, but I’m sure there are some tall bi (or even straight) girls out there who like the idea of being the “protective” partner as much as I do.
My boyfriend and I are both around the same height though I’m practically twice his weight and can easily throw him over a shoulder. The gender reversal of bodytypes is a turnon for the both of us. So yes BTL, your type of woman really does exist. Now quit being such a scrotum and try hitting on some of them. Maybe scope one out at the gym by the weight training equipment?
As for barking up the wrong tree, Dan has taken a lot of flack for reminding us that butch women do sometimes switch teams. Maybe BTL will get luck with an ex-lesbian craving some dick.
Some women like short men (raises hand) but I already have one 🙂
For God’s sake, OPA, do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell that woman that you were a virgin. Lie, lie, lie, tell her whatever she wants to hear, make up elaborate stories about fictional ex-girlfriends, but DO NOT let her know about your (ex) virginity.
Take it from me: It will instantly kill the relationship dead. The simple ugly truth is that American women find virgins over 20 or so “Creepy”, and suspiction that you are gay or a pedophile will hang over you in her head every fucking second for the rest of the (short) relationship. It’s nasty and it’s not PC to say it, but honesty is definately not the best policy here. Women hate the feeling of getting stuck with something nobody else wanted.
OPA: What do you mean by “she took it personally?” Was she upset with herself/her technique? Or was she upset with you for failing to come? (for example, she thought it was proof you weren’t aroused by her.) In any event, she is going to need some reassurance to reconnect with you. Being up-front about your status as a virgin will help persuade her it truly isn’t about her.
The upside is that if you don’t come, you go… and go and go and go. No premature ejaculation for you! That’s the other classic pitfall for virgins, who may find the unfamiliar situation or sensation causes them to lose control. Not you! What’s not to like about that?
Okay so neither of you is wowed by the sensations produced by the combination of your/her technique. Cut yourselves some slack. You’re a virgin — or were recently enough. You don’t mention, but I get the feeling she isn’t very experienced either. You aren’t supposed to be good at this yet. The good news is that it’s a lot easier to refine your technique when you can keep going than when you’re a one-pump chump.
@12 – I imagine she will take it a lot worse to know that he felt HER performance was lackluster. When he could not, by definition, have any goddamn clue what he was doing. She finds out he’s a virgin and was just shy to say? It’s kinda cute. I can’t think of a woman on this earth who wouldn’t think that it was deeply flattering, or at least be tickled by it. And if you are going to be speaking for women in general, I think you’ll find women prefer virgins to manwhores. He does need to know porn is not real though, sheesh. Can’t men tell the women in porn are faking? Once he develops some skill at sex and is actually able to get her off, I think he’ll find her supposedly underwhelming performance improves. I’m sure it was just a reaction to being off-put by his inexplicably poor performance – he explains it, she understands, and now can work on teaching him what he really needs to know to be good at sex.
My grandmother was 5’10 and my grandfather was 5’2. And she owned dozens of pairs of heels
@ BTL: I don’t understand why men go to bars and clubs to meet women and then complain because they don’t attract the kind of women they’re looking for. Generally in a bar or club you will be graded based on your height, your apparent gym time, and the amount of money you visibly put into your appearance. You’ve only got one out of three, at most.
Try taking up a physical activity such as cycling, running, or rock climbing. Anything that will boost your fitness and that can be done as part of a group (tons of running and cycling clubs out there). You will meet women who are strong, active,and confident, in a context where you can demonstrate that you are physically fit and capable. They will get their physical impression of you from your ability, not your height. Of course, if you’re not fit, you’d better get that way.
@ BTL: I don’t understand why men go to bars and clubs to meet women and then complain because they don’t attract the kind of women they’re looking for. Generally in a bar or club you will be graded based on your height, your apparent gym time, and the amount of money you visibly put into your appearance. You’ve only got one out of three, at most.
Try taking up a physical activity such as cycling, running, or rock climbing. Anything that will boost your fitness and that can be done as part of a group (tons of running and cycling clubs out there). You will meet women who are strong, active,and confident, in a context where you can demonstrate that you are physically fit and capable. They will get their physical impression of you from your ability, not your height. Of course, if you’re not fit, you’d better get that way.
@ 12 wait a minute…..my husband was a virgin until he was 28 because of a strong religious belief and he is certainly not “something nobody else wanted” , women hit on him all the time. Some people just bloom late, or change their goals as they mature, and there ain’t nothing wrong with that. Sure, go ahead and lie if you just want a casual fling, but don’t underestimate the importance of honesty in a long term relationship.
I think BTL should try looking somewhere else for girls – somewhere that they would be less likely to be in heels and more likely to be in flats.
If he can find a girl that is slightly shorter than him in flats, but can slap on some sexy heels and gain some inches on him, it might make an excellent compromise.
I’m sure there are plenty of women around the 5’5″ mark who he can be physically attracted to that can also tower over him in the right shoes and the right situation.
For OPA, finding ‘passion’ and ‘spark’ as he words it, isn’t about virginity. It’s about the person he’s with, and if he’s clicking with her or not. And it sounds like he’s not.
My best lover was the same height as me… and that’s only 5’4″! So, short(er) guys can definitely be very hot/sexy. I am not butch or tall myself, and can’t vouch for the preferences of those ladies, but shortness should not be seen as a hangup for men. I’m sure a lot of tall girls out there (used to the reverse type of discrimination, in which men won’t date taller women) would love a shorter, confident guy.
Confidence adds a few perceived inches in height (and other places) – so does being in shape, and not having an annoying voice, and dressing appropriately for your body type. Get involved in an activity you enjoy and are good at – somewhere the women are going to see YOU as the authority figure, even if it’s just intellectual and only in your specific field. Women go for intelligent guys too – “protective” can come in many packages.
@12 Speak for yourself! A friend of mine recently confessed he was a 28 year old virgin. At first he was waiting for the right girl, as he wanted his first time to be “meaningful” and then it just got to the point where he was embarrassed by it to the point of not seeking out romantic relationships. It took a lot of courage (and quite few adult beverages) for him to admit this to me and my girlfriends, but when he did, he was pleasantly surprised by our reaction — which was for us to quickly start squabbling over who would get the privilege of deflowering him. To us, there was something very intriguing about being with somebody for their first time. This guy wasn’t really my type under normal circumstances, but just knowing that he was a virgin made him appealing. With a virgin, you know that they’re clean, and you know that you’ll be giving them a special memory that they’re never going to forget, and, best yet, you get to train them the right way, to teach them how to really please a woman (you in particular) without having to help them unlearn those bad habits straight men seem to pick up from porn and youthful sex with partners who are too inhibited to speak up when they don’t like something.
Of course, he didn’t choose me, but a few months later, my friend who did end up with him reports that he’s now the best lover she’s ever had and they have one of those nauseously adorable relationships that everybody loves to hate but really wants for themselves. And who knows if that would have ever happened had he not made that drunken confession about being one of those “creepy” virgins over 20.
@OTA I also just wanted to let you know that reportedly, their first time didn’t go all that well and he didn’t get off either (years of repetitive masturbation, I’m sure), even though they worked up to the “big moment” slowly over a period of weeks while they established a genuine emotional connection first. And he too had a similar “that’s all there is?” reaction. But the first time is rarely ever that magic moment people seem to think it should be, whether you’re 15 or 50. Keep working and communicate with your new girlfriend about your likes and dislikes, remembering that just because you’re inexperienced doesn’t mean that you don’t have preferences, and it’ll keep getting better over time, until she too is regaling her jealous friends with stories that’ll blister their ears.
I find all the comments to BTL to “be more confident” as rather absurd.
Confidence is something that comes from success. If a man is tall and gets lots of women, he will likely exude confidence because he knows, from successful experience, he can get what he wants. If a man is short and doesn’t get lots of women, how is he supposed to be confident? By pretending? Do women fall for fake confidence?
A short man is certainly handicapped, as Dan accurately explained, and will necessarily have to have more to offer than height. But I can’t imagine faked confidence will really be a winner.
BTL, there are women out there for you. I’m a woman who likes guys I can be a little protective of. Although I *am* attractive to men with traditionally “tough” manly characteristics, I am also *equally* attracted to men with a bit of softer touch, who can be vulnerable and who want somebody to be protective of them. Of course, I don’t look like a big tough gal. I’m a small slender girl, who’s short by almost anybody’s standards.
So, maybe you might want to keep an eye out, among the girls shorter than you, to see if there’s one who catches your eye, exudes a bit of “tough” energy, and seems capable of making you feel secure and safe.
STD, are you and your roommate sure that he has herpes? Because if all you’re basing it on is one sore, that’s stupid. Ever bitten your cheek? That shit doesn’t go away for weeks. And being embarrassed about herpes is silly, too; they’re doctors, it’s their job. He should get tested and you both should relax.
BTL, my mom is 5’10” and ridiculously strong, even though she’s pretty skinny and not that muscular. My dad’s 5’3″. It happens.
BTL, tall girl/short guy couples are mega cute so good luck!
I’m a 5’8″ woman and my longest long-term relationship was with a man who was 5’4″. When I wore heels, I could rest my chin on top of his head. He was not only confident in himself, but he was interesting (see Dan’s advice to teenage boys about how to “be interesting”) to talk to. Most of all though, he was incredibly sexy.
We eventually broke up due to issues not related to his height, but I still consider him the sexiest man I’ve been with.
I’m honestly confused by “Not A Cream Pie Lover Yet.” Why is there even a problem? I mean, “oral is standard and any model that arrives without it should be returned to the lot,” right? So why does Dan refer to his girlfriend as “kinky”? Does the mere fact of switching the order (vaginal sex first, then oral) turn oral from standard into kink?
I’m not being snarky, I’m actually confused.
Unless there is some definition of ‘cream pie’ I am missing – since when is going down on someone considered kinky and boundary pushing, even if it is post-penetration/ejaculation?
I also suspect that ‘she does get off AGAIN’ is incorrect – and the fact is – she’s only getting off for the first time – hence the desire for him to do it all the time.
My grandfather was 5’2 and my grandmother was 6 feet. He always used to say “It takes a big man to love a tall woman.” Which is true. You need to project outsize confidence. Very tall women get burned out on easily intimidated men — you need to show that you’re not easily intimidated.
Also, yeah, to pick up athletic chicks, pick up an athletic activity. Rock climbing is a good recommendation, as your short stature is an advantage.
Thanks for asking that, @29 (my thoughts exactly!), and @30, I think you hit the nail on the head. No further comment needed!
@BTL – I agree with everyone else. My fiance is 5’6″ and I’m 5’10”. I always wanted big tall guys, but they were only interested in midget girls. When I met my fiance he was just too great to pass up just because of a height difference. He does hold himself well, he is fit and cut, and he’s a wonderful person. A woman who rejects you just because you don’t fit a physical mold is shallow and not worth being with. As are you if you are only looking for a particular physical type.
As a 5’10” woman, I can attest that sheerly by the law of averages 50% or more of the men one is likely to date will be shorter than onesself (last I looked, the average height for a male in the U.S.A. was 5’9″, down from 5’10” two decades ago before the rapid increase in Hispanic immigration). To insist on “someone taller” masochistically eliminates 50% of the available dating pool!
Narrowing down further by close-cropped hair, “fullback shoulders,” and strong angular facial features (I have several times over the years, usually in dim light, been mistaken for a cross-dresser), the dating pool narrows still further.
BTL, women like me are frequently DESPERATE for men like you: men who will not condemn us as unfeminine, or (worse) who just ass/u/me we’re lesbian and never make that pass! Advice: Try the Personals, like I did (and have been happily married for ten years because of it). State your preferences clearly. This method allows you to quickly winnow out the unsuitables so you don’t waste the next decade or three pickling yourself in alcohol and self-pity at singles bars.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
Sorry dan, but you’re just objectively wrong about Branden Hayward. I checked the internet. It said so.
Good advice to OPA. I started dating again after a 12-year dry spell. Could not ejaculate. The earth was moving, but it was a series of micro-tremors. I’m old enough to not be bothered, just as it doesn’t bother me that my lady only gets off with a vibrator. The Big One hit last weekend, after four months of tapering off. On our honeymoon. Maybe I was just saving myself for marriage.
i’ve always been interested in guys who’re smaller than myself but i never thought a guy would like a “bigger” girl (5’5″/150lb). it turns out my 5’5″/125lb boyfriend likes to date “up” so i’m just lucky i guess.
also i’m kinda butch and he’s kinda fem, we joke he’s my girlfriend, i’m his boyfriend. he’s very masculine in some ways – lifts weights, into martial arts- but he’s not paranoid about it. so far as “wanting to feel secure,” that does it for me. but i still like being the big spoon sometimes, makes me happy.
I have issues with short men. I’m sure there are short men out there who are great guys. I’ve just never met any of them. Every short man I’ve ever met has been an insecure controlling jerk.
I have no advice. I was just wondering if other people have had the same experience that I’ve had.
@34 Did you have to stick this part into your comment?
“…down from 5’10” two decades ago before the rapid increase in Hispanic immigration.”
This column has nothing to do with race. Why did you feel that it was necessary to stick that in there? People would have accepted the fact that the average height of men has gone down without demanding a reason why.
There has been a couple of burglars in the news who got caught in the act in a small Wa. town just this week. They were filming a self made porn and left their camera behind. I knew it was the right time of year, was it possible they were trying to get an entry together for HUMP? This seems like a possibility to me or were they just “thrill” seekers?
Ok – virgin-guy – calm down! Keep at it. You’ll be fine. You’re just more articulate than the rest of us were when we lost our virginities, but everyone has doubts and confusion initially. Give this girl a chance, too. It’ll all get sorted out.
And short-guy – for sure – confidence. I prefer tall men, too – but I didn’t marry one. I’d go for a guy who’s 5’6″ and relaxed and confident around me anyday over a guy who just happens to be tall.
@BTL, there are taller women who like shorter guys. I’m 5’8″, usually wear heels and find shorter guys sooooo cute and sexy. So, keep looking. She si out there.
@24: “Confidence is something that comes from success. If a man is tall and gets lots of women, he will likely exude confidence because he knows, from successful experience, he can get what he wants.”
No, that’s where cockiness comes from (either that or massive insecurity where the guy needs constant positive feedback from women in order to feel attractive). True confidence comes from a guy knowing he has value whether women want him or not. If a guy approaches me acting like he just expects me to be into him (because, hey, all the other women are), it’s an instant turnoff (maybe not for every woman, but definitely for me). A guy who approaches me and makes actual conversation without it seeming like his entire ego is hanging on my reaction – now that’s awesome.
So, yeah, note to guys: when women talk about “confidence”, we don’t mean loud PUA alpha-male dominant bullshit. We mean: get it into your head that you’re a good guy with a lot to offer. Then get it into your head that people’s taste in partners is fickle and rejection likely has nothing to do with you as a person. Then, develop good conversational skills and start talking to women instead of just hitting on them. This attitude is like CATNIP (and I should know…I too have cultivated this sort of confidence in recent years).
Besides which, it sounds like our short guy is a little bit subby, so if he wants to attract a slightly dominant tall woman it behooves him not to do the loud/commanding/obnoxious thing that so many people think of as “confidence”. Just quietly knowing who he is and what he wants and knowing he has value will work wonders.
Topic change: wow, Virgin Guy sounds like a jackass. He admits he’s desensitized his dick through deathgrip masturbation but then complains that a blowjob didn’t feel as good as he expected? WELL DUH. Also, he obviously didn’t give the girl any instructions or feedback, otherwise his complaint wouldn’t have been “she wasn’t very good,” it would have been “I kept telling her to focus on the underside of the head but she ignored me.”
So basically, he just lay there and let this poor girl fumble through the act blindly and now he’s whining that she didn’t magically guess what he wanted her to do. JACKASS.
@24: Confidence, in this case for this guy, means not being mopey about your height. That’s all it is.
Confidence in general: Focusing on what makes you feel good, what IS sexy about you (everyone has something). This isn’t fake confidence; it’s just taking the time to base your attitude on something you do have.
Yeah, success helps confidence. But that’s because it validates what a person should already know. It gives them assurance that they’re right.
Most people don’t have confidence not because they aren’t successful but because they can’t recognize they’ve got other shit to offer.
Oh yeah. Guess who’s also a short guy? Jon Stewart (somewhere between 5’6″ and 5’7″). And I’d fuck him in a heartbeat any day, anywhere.
“I have issues with short men. I’m sure there are short men out there who are great guys. I’ve just never met any of them. Every short man I’ve ever met has been an insecure controlling jerk.
“I have no advice. I was just wondering if other people have had the same experience that I’ve had.”
If you listen to NPR, maybe you caught the This American Life of the short woman who underwent a sex-change, and her cool-quotient went from best of show to the bottom of the pile. She spent her time commenting on how no one warned her how on the streets it became fair game for men to just barrel into her.
Is this the kind of environment you want to continue to encourage with opinions like how you’ve posted them?
29 & 30: the reason this is considered “boundary pushing” is because straight guys think any contact with jizz -even their own, even coming out of a freshly fucked pussy- will make them gay. Pretty silly yes, but we’re talking about straight boys here.
To NACPLY: she’s not crazy, she’s a horny little minx; & you would be crazy not to enjoy a hot wet messy sloppy creampie pussy every chance you get!
OPA has also likely built it up beyond all reasonable expectations and has decided it’s her fault things didn’t measure up. Most couples, experienced or not, don’t have great sex the first time together. And def not if they are virgins. And I doubt it was great for her either. Drop the unrealistic expectations and concentrate on learning what you don’t know, which should be just about everything.
BTL, I am 5’11”, broad shoulders, pretty, athletic, prefer guys who are shorter than me, and am definitely the ‘caretaker’ in my relationship with my 5’8″ boyfriend. He is actually several inches taller than my last boyfriend, who was a good 6″ shorter than me. So just more proof that tall, strong women who like to take care of their shorter, smaller boyfriends do exist.
That being said, however, I’m a little worried about all the advice about “being confident”. Sure, nobody wants to date an insecure, needy person, but you should also be really careful to avoid “short man syndrome” where short guys become aggressive, muscle-bound, controlling assholes in an effort to compensate for the perceived inadequacy of being short. So by all means, feel good about yourself and the things that you’re good at, but don’t go overboard in the “project confidence” direction.
Good luck at finding the tall protectress you’re looking for!
And OPA, even if she doesn’t know you were a virgin, you can be sure she knows something is pretty damn off. Your lack of experience would be obvious, and without an explanation, at 30? She needs to know so she can go about teaching you without having to dance around your already irrational ego.