I lost my virginity last night.
I’m a straight male in my early 30s, so it was about time. It wasn’t awkward, and we had a good time. However, I didn’t climax, the result of years of death-grip masturbation. (Thanks for the warning, Dan, I’m sorry I didn’t heed it.) She took it personally but seemed satisfied when I said it was only nerves.
I am left this morning with confusion and trepidation about my relationship with my new girlfriend. I suppose this is normal, but I don’t see last night as a “bonding moment,” and I am afraid that is a bad sign. I also find myself being extra critical of my partner’s performance, which, as a virgin, I am not in a good position to judge. She has never been a particularly good kisser and her blowjob technique was less than spectacular. Although it was a pleasant experience, I feel like it lacked passion or a spark.
I feel like an asshole for even having these thoughts. Is there something wrong with me and/or am I an ass-hole?
One Potential Asshole
P.S. I have attached photos in hopes that you will respond.
There could be something wrong with you, OPA, and you could be an asshole. I can’t rule either possibility out after quickly skimming one e-mail and thoroughly examining three nude photographs.
Just because you’re a virgin—or were a virgin—doesn’t mean you’re going to automatically click with the first woman who volunteered to put your dick in her mouth. However much you like this girl, OPA, you still might not be sexually and/or chemically compatible.
But sex is a skill that takes time and practice to acquire. It may take a little time and some experimentation for you to discover what works for you. And if you give her some time, you may find that she works for you.
If she didn’t know you were a virgin, OPA, tell her. And tell her that it wasn’t nerves that prevented you from getting off, but the unfamiliarity of the sensations you were experiencing and, perhaps, a masturbatory style that desensitized your dick. Tell her it might take you a little while to get there, but with her help and patience—and mouth and pussy—you’re sure you can get there. And then try to relax, experiment, and enjoy.
And no more death grip—period. When you masturbate, use your nondominant hand, a lighter grip, and perhaps a Fleshlight.
I’m herpes-free, but I found out today that my roommate has contracted it. He has a sore but won’t see a doctor about it because he says he’s embarrassed. We share the same bathroom, so I knew I would have to be diligent about that. But now I am freaking out: Not long after he shared this information, my 7-month-old puppy runs into his room and proceeds to cover my roommate’s face in kisses. I’ve called the vet and my medical provider, and while they both agree that my pup cannot contract the STD, they cannot rule out the pup passing the infection on to me. Please advise. I would like to know how to best handle this situation.
Scared To Death
Wouldn’t it be great if being paranoid about contracting herpes was the only way to contract herpes?
Look, STD, lots of people self-diagnose themselves with herpes when all they have is an innocuous little cut or sore near their mouth or genitals. People who are too embarrassed/ridiculous to go see their doctors are highly likely to arrive at a herpes misdiagnosis. So calm the fuck down.
Even if your roommate does have herpes, STD, you’re not going to get it from sharing a toilet—unless you and the roommate have invented a novel new way of taking a dump. And you’re not going to get it from your damn dog. For his own sake, your roommate shouldn’t allow your dog to lick his open sores (who does he think he is? Job?), herpes-related or not, and if you’re really freaking out about your promiscuously affectionate new dog, well, you can make up your mind to refrain from kissing any animal that drinks out of toilets, licks its own ass, and laps up vomit.
I have a new girlfriend. She likes me to eat her cream pie after we have sex. She does get off again and squirts most of the time when I do it. No one has ever asked me to do this before her. Is she crazy? Or am I for doing it?
Not A Cream Pie Lover Yet
Why does someone have to be crazy? A cream pie isn’t my preferred post-orgasm snack—I much prefer a Creamsicle—but if it gets her off, and if doing this for her doesn’t leave you curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position, then you’re not crazy and neither is she. She’s kinky, you’re GGG, and you’re both enjoying some kick-ass, boundary-
pushing sex. Enjoy.
I’m a 28-year-old straight guy. I’m also five feet six and 124 pounds. I know, I know—I’m hardly microscopic. But I always feel like I’m a lost kid when I’m at a bar or club, with people my age or younger towering over me. So that, right away, is a confidence killer when trying to meet women. But here’s the real kicker: I like tall women. In fact, I prefer somewhat butch women—Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry, Geena Davis in A League of Their Own—and this leads to the ancillary problem that many of the women I’m attracted to are lesbians and thus are not interested in me. But even the tall, butchy straight/bi girls tend to go for guys who are taller than them. Most women I talk to about why they fall for tall guys have a common theme: They are looking for someone who makes them feel secure.
That’s what I want! Is it so damn wrong to want a woman to be protective of ME? I want to be held by a strong pair of lady arms! No, I’m not into super-muscle women, nor am I into hardcore dom/sub stuff. Why is my vanilla kink such an obstacle? What am I to do?
Below Their League
Most women prefer men who are taller than they are. It’s a sad, unavoidable fact, BTL, one you’ll have to accept (just as I had to accept that most men prefer women), and you’ll have to search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams. Not much else you can do about it.
I’ve got some space to kill, so here are a few Savage Love programming notes: My recently announced celebrity crush—Stefon on SNL as portrayed by Bill Hader—is no longer operative. My new celebrity crush is Branden Hayward, the actor who plays the cute-but-dim young husband in those Rhapsody commercials. Sigh.
Ever wanted to be a porn star for a weekend but not for the rest of your life? Ever wanted to win large cash prizes? Go to thestranger
.com/hump to learn more about HUMP!, The Stranger‘s annual amateur porn festival that’s now in its sixth year. Hardcore, softcore, erotica, animation, robots, zombies, virgins, cream pies, lady arms—everyone and everything is welcome at HUMP! The deadline for entry is October 15. Go to the website for contest details, release forms, and dates.
And finally: Khia’s new album? My goodness.
STD: Herpes is not as easily passed as you seem to think. Once the virus lands on a surface that’s not the right level of moisture and warmth (i.e., once it leaves the person’s skin), it dies pretty quickly. So your bathroom is not a nest of herpes just waiting to latch onto you. You’re VERY unlikely to catch it from your roommate unless you make out with him. I guess if you take a swig of his beer immediately after he drinks from the bottle while he has a sore, that might do the job too. Your doctor HAD to tell you they “can’t rule it out” because there’s a tiny, tiny, tiny chance it could happen, and because (like the majority of the population) you might have been walking around with this virus for years but not seeing symptoms, or you might still catch it from somebody other than your roommate, or you might eventually get a mouth sore NOT caused by herpes, and they don’t want you to yell at them and call them liars and threaten legal action if a sore does pop up.
BTL: I’m a tall woman who hasn’t dated a taller guy since high school. I really don’t give a shit about height, but I usually end up dating/fucking shorter guys because the tall ones don’t want me, they want tiny women who make THEM feel secure in their manliness. There’s nothing so confidence boosting as a man (of any size) who finds my height attractive. Keep hitting on the Amazons. A lot of them are sick of being dismissed by men because of their size. A lot of them will find it hot that you don’t treat them that way.
OPA: The fact that you don’t care for your girlfriend’s kissing style is a bigger red flag than the fact you didn’t climax the first time you did the deed. You should’ve waited to jump into bed with her! This relationship’s probably going nowhere, unless you two can be honest about your needs and expectations, and BOTH of you can be flexible with each other while you talk things out.
When I met my husband, he had never masturbated. He’d slept with one other woman, but he had no idea how to get himself off. He WAS, however, an excellent kisser. I saw that as a sign that he had potential in the bedroom. We read books together about how to give each other pleasure, experimented a lot together, and talked a lot (while we were fully clothed) about our needs and desires in the bedroom. I also encouraged him to do whatever it took to learn how to pleasure himself. It took a while, but the payoff has been huge.
Congratulations on waiting to lose your virginity, assuming that’s what you wanted to do–but now you have some catching up to do! The most important sexual organ is between your ears, not between your legs.
To OPA: I was in a similar situation 3 years ago losing my virginity in my mid twenties (awkward sex, no orgasm, frustration and insecurity afterwards). And for weeks afterwards, sex was still more frustrating than fun, with both of us feeling lots of pressure to perform which was a serious turn off. What turned things around for us was being GGG, taking turns deciding the combination location, position, and/or fantasy. The novelty of trying new things and the exploration has made the sex great and we both feel relieved that we can bring up our fantasies without fear of automatic rejection.
The bottom line is this: The challenges you are facing are normal for people, regardless of what age they lose their virginity. Spend time with your gf learning what gets each of you off, and things can turn around.
BTL, don’t waste your time trying to convince women who think you’re too short that you’re worthy of their time. Instead, look for women who are secure enough to think they don’t need a he-man to protect them. We’re out here, though we aren’t exactly shouting it from the rafters, since that sort of attitude scares a lot of guys off.
Also, if you have any sort of inferiority complex about your height, get that taken care of before you seek the woman of your dreams. Women can sniff out a “woe is me” attitude a mile away, and it’s extremely unattractive.
Good luck to you! It sounds like you’ll find what you want, if you look long enough. (Tried online dating? It might be a good way to weed out the “I only want a man who’s five inches taller than me” crowd.)
#29, I think “Not A Cream Pie Lover Yet” wanted to know if what he’s doing is “normal” sexual behavior or not. Whatever that means… If he’s not comfortable with it, he needs to be talking with his girlfriend, not asking Dan Savage if his girlfriend is weird.
OPA, if you care about your “new girlfriend” and want to build a relationship with her, try communicating and learning what she likes. If you can drive her wild, then you’ll experience more passion in return. But from your letter, it sounds like you’re not crazy about her. Don’t stay with her just because she’ll do you. Go find someone who you *want* to screw.
Herpes Dog: the guy says the roomie with the sore had an STD and was embarrassed to seek medical attention, and that he is worried about contracting it sharing a bathroom, not a kitchen–that means it was on his DICK. Maybe? The dog only licked his MOUTH. I hope.
@26: a bitten cheek? really? don’t people with sores from biting remember the excruciating moment when it began? HSV sores usually form on the lips (it is herpes labialis after all) and not the cheek.
Everyone, some basics: herpes simplex virus 1 is usually oral, is very common in older adults (~80%) but less common in the young (~40%). HSV2 is usually genital, and about 20% of college aged people have it. Only 10% know it. Both classically cause clustered vesicles on a reddish base that later ulcerate. Initial infection can cause swollen glands and fever and is usually worse than subsequent ones. HSV1 recurs less than 2. You can get either one on your mouth or on your junk. Since fewer kids have HSV1 they’re now at risk for getting it on their junk from oral sex and HSV1 is now the most common cause of genital ulcers in some locations in the USA, not HSV2. In the end, chill out–it’s common, and you’re going to kiss or lay someone who’s had it unless you lead a very sheltered life. Since people shed virus when they have no symptoms, you may get herpes, even genital herpes, from someone with no sore, even no history of sores, even a virgin who just got HSV1 from her mom as an infant. That’s just life.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/newsroom/hsv2…
I think a lot of the responses to BLT (excepting @34) are reading too much into the height thing and missing the primary issue. As someone who is into butch(ish) women, in my experience that’s a pretty large barrier all by itself. Straight(ish) women tend to buy-into normative gender roles, because that’s what’s going to give them the greatest odds of both dating and professional success, whereas lesbians, having already rejected a primary facet of normative female/woman gender, as statistically less-likely to buy-into it (I’m not saying that all or even most lesbians are butch, or that all or even most butch women are gay; I’m saying the percentage of butch women who are gay is higher than the percentage of women who are gay in the general population, and that a small percentage of women in the general population are butch; this makes straight-and-butch women especially rare).
Of course, you DO want to make yourself as hot as possible, given the small dating pool you’re self-selecting.
Also butch and/or tall women don’t necessarily want to be “the protector”, so if that’s your primary concern, you may want to widen your search; there may be some mostly-femme shorter women out there whose one butch trait is that they DO want to be the protector. Hell, that’s a major aspect of normative motherhood, which is the single most-acceptable (most-celebrated, most-enforced) role for women. You should look into dating Tea Party women; Palin’s been on her “momma bear” kick ever since FOX declared her the new leader of Feminism… *shudder*
@52: How is knowing/not knowing how to kiss someone in a way that they like a better indicator of sexual potential than knowing/not knowing how to fuck them in a way that they like? All of these are learned behaviors. If someone’s a lousy lay, in one’s opinion, it’s entirely possible to teach him/her to do what works for one. The only important factor here is a willingness to learn how to do and then actually do the things that get one off. Granted there’s a certain aspect of creativity, engagement, and empathy that can’t be taught, but those tie into that whole willingness-to-please thing that is the factor of primary importance.
And don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings: if your partner if actively interested in being a good lover for you, s/he’s going to WANT to know if sex isn’t working for you and how to make it better; if not, then s/he’s probably not someone you want to be fucking anyway. If s/he is so insecure that s/he is going to freak out at any criticism, s/he’s really not healthy enough to be dating anyway. That’s a self-esteem issue s/he needs to deal with irrespective of what’s going on in his/her relationship.
Younger folks often forget that there are MUCH better places to meet people than bars or clubs. Follow a hobby or passion (hiking, bicycling, Chinese cooking, poetry or whatever lifts your luggage) and then try chatting up some of the ladies you fancy. You’ll automatically have something in common to start talking about.
@52 Kissing style a red flag?
Look, you can work on anything if it bugs you, kissing style included. I’m fairly certain that it is NOT a deal breaker, as I am marrying a man whose kissing style I was not thrilled with. But we’ve managed to reach a happy place since.
My advice to the virgin is, relax, stop masturbating for a week or two, and try again.
Also, I assume you were wearing a condom, which is probably quite a shock after having bare-skin death-grip fun time for so long.
Also, experiment with different things. There’s a book out there somewhere about tips for straight women from gay men. Taught me all I know about BJs and might help in your case as well. But you should also buy an equivalent book on pleasing a woman, or at least see what she likes, cuz you don’t want to be that douche that just thinks that sticking his cack in a woman gets her off.
BTL, I’m a girl like the type you’re looking for, and I adore guys like you. Of course, these guys don’t hit on me because they think I’m a lesbian. So don’t count out some girls just because of how they look!
Jeesh,
kissing technique, oral sex, even PIV sex – all this gets better with PRACTICE! I highly doubt most women are fantastic at blow jobs right off.
Most of the virgin, teen-aged guys I fucked didn’t come the first time. But they did the second time. It happened often enough that I thought this was normal.
@38, It’s so odd to me that you have experienced short guys as being insecure controlling jerks. The short guys I know have been sweet and sexy. I married one. Actually, I’m naturally attracted to tall guys, but they can be so obnoxious because they’re used to getting just what they want all the time. Spare me from tall, handsome guys! I’m sure some of them are sweet, but too many of the ones I’ve met have been overconfident, inconsiderate jerks.
BTL, I’m six feet tall and my husband is 5’7″. Look for women who have been around the block dating-wise. They are the ones most likely to be over the I-want-someone-taller-than-me kick.
My hubby floored me with his beautiful smile, gentle demeanor and calm, quiet confidence. I went from dating linebacker types to marrying a man significantly smaller than me and being blissed out. We both love going out with me in high heels, just to laugh at people trying to hide their shock. She’s out there. Good luck!
I’m 5’10” and don’t mind being with guys shorter than me. I’m sure some, although not all, tall women feel the same way. Some short(ish) guys are much hotter than some tall guys, period. And if I were to rule out any guy who doesn’t match my height when I’m wearing heels, I would be ruling out more than half of all available men, which I’m not interested in doing. (Although the point is moot, because I already have a boyfriend, an inch or two shorter than me.) When I was single, the biggest height-related problem I had was that a lot of guys seemed to want only smaller, shorter women. They were either intimidated by a taller gal, or assumed I wouldn’t be interested (and made insecure comments about “I feel so short standing next to you!”).
There will be tall women out there who will be delighted to find that you’re interested in them. Especially if you project confidence & have good posture. And don’t make a bunch of comments about “how tall are you?!”, this makes people feel self-conscious.
The reasons other commenters have given for not meeting women in bars strike me as ridiculous. Yes, women in bars will be wearing heels and will be judging you largely on looks — but isn’t the point to find a woman who DOESN’T CARE about your height?!
I’m crazy about short guys. Nothin’ cuter!
You people who make babies, please make more shorties! Even the Earth will thank you.
#59, I read a study a while back that concluded if a couple’s first kiss isn’t a memorable moment, they’re less likely to go on to become a successfull, long-term couple.
Apart from that, if the recently-deflowered guy can’t even encourage his girlfriend to kiss him the way he likes to be kissed, how likely is it that he’ll be able to (gasp) talk with her about what each of them desires when the clothes come off? I taught a few guys how to kiss better before I met my husband, and it was fun! I’ll never forget the guy who taught me how to French kiss properly, either.
(Er, “successful.” Mercy.)
BTL sounds like a whiny, overly picky asshole, which is probably why he isn’t getting girls. Probably has nothing to do with his height.
Sexyist Man Alive = Eddie Vedder 5’7″
@47: I can’t speak for anyone else but for me, the thought of going down on a woman post-ejaculation is mildly revolting. It’s got nothing to do with being afraid that “any contact with jizz…will make [me] gay”, or whatever. I just don’t particularly like the taste of my own semen. (I assume I’d have the same response to someone else’s semen, but I’m not planning to find out!)
For some reason, mixing it with vaginal secretions makes it worse, i.e. ripe. Maybe if I were Napoleon (who famously wrote Josephine “Don’t wash, I’m coming!” when he was still a month from home) it’d be different, but I’m not.
That said, I’d probably do it if a girl really wanted me to. But generally I’m turned off by cumshots, cum play, and the whole creampie thing. Heck, if I could learn to orgasm without ejaculating, I’d be thrilled; one of my least favorite parts about masturbation is cleanup!
(Strange thing is, I’m totally fine with giving oral during a girl’s period.)
I’d be willing to bet that the reason “Not a Cream Pie Lover” has to give his GF post-coital head is because he doesn’t take the time to get her off beforehand.
Hey, Dan, long-time reader first time SL writer.
Scared To Death’s concern about contracting herpes from his roomie is a valid one. Following a shower taken many years ago a careless roomie of mine used my towel, transferring her vaginally-placed virus to my then-damp towel and subsequently to my dick when I unknowingly used that same towel she’d used hours earlier. Her virality was later confirmed by her girlfriend with all other possible forms of transmission ruled out going back a few months, well beyond herpes’ dormancy period. Uncommon, sure, but entirely within reason according to all I read and to one doctor I knew. From that day I became the only person I’ve spoken with about it to have contracted herpes w/o any fun associated with the getting of it.
lovely column, only i think you mean lazarus, the non zombie one outside the rich man’s house, when you refer to dogs licking open sores
Celebrity crush suggestion for Dan: Alexander Skarsgard (“Eric Northman” in “True Blood” on HBO). A beautiful, beautiful hunk of man who does not wear a sock during nude scenes (cause he’s Swedish and loves to be naked). Thank you, Jeebus for Alex.
I just need to espouse my love of Dan Savage for reposting my video attacking the Westboro Baptist Church on his blog. I suspect that generous act is how the video ended up on the front page of the Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, Dallasvoice, barstoolsports, democraticunderground, and for some reason nationalgun.
Dan Savage is responsible for more orgasms than wine coolers and low self esteem combined.
I have tried dating guys shorter than me over and over and over, and every single one starts giving me sour looks when I put on my high heels and say things like, “Why do you WANT to wear those?” and “Any girl who truly cared about me wouldn’t try to be taller than me.”
Seriously, I will choose my shoes over you every time. Because if you’re too insecure to date a girl taller than you, you are way too insecure to deal with my aggression and I’m better than watering myself down for a sackless wonder.
“who does he think he is? Job?” OMG I’m LOLing!
I need my guys to be taller than me, which is never an issue because I’m a short woman and even 5′ 6″ is taller than I am, but I can’t stand them being TOO tall. I love to look at tall guys, but can’t date them because it’s too intimidating. All my guys have been shorter than average.
Dan, if I recall correctly, it was Lazarus with the dogs-licking-open-sores thing, not Job.
[/years of Catholic guilt manifesting in lots of Bible trivia]
Anecdotal evidence of short man/tall woman working. I’m 5’3″ and overweight (though beefy). She’s 5’11” and a long distance runner, 10 years my junior. We’ve been together more than five years, and the height differential never entered into the equation.
@78, my husband is kinda that way. He isn’t an asshole about it or anything, but when we started dating, he was kinda jokey-but-not-really about not wanting me to wear heels and make him look shorter. He’s not *that* short – 5’9″ish and I’m 5’8″. He had only dated short girls before.
Hindsight, I would never have gotten that started. I tried not to wear my heels around him (and we worked in the same area), and was self-conscious when I did, instead of feelin’ the shoe power, and then pregnancy and yadda yadda…I haven’t worn my best shoes in a long time. Yeah, I definitely should have gone with “hey, but you get to walk around with me looking awesome” and let him get used to it. Maybe it’s not too late.
The tsunami of dog defenders is bound to be more entertaining than the column, which is a shame because the advice was top notch this week. Seattle is one dog-loving city, and I mean that in the worst possible way.
OPA, it’s no wonder your gal didn’t seem to “shine” in her bedroom performance with you.. Nothing brings a girl from red hot to lukewarm like an unenthusiastic response from her partner. I agree that sometimes it takes practice to get into a groove with someone sexually, but it seems like you need to adopt some reckless abandon with a quickness and roll out the red carpet for her to do the same. I guarantee it’ll prove more fun than your death-grip masturbation.
BTL should remember that although most women *prefer* tall men, that doesn’t necessarily mean that being short, or even shorter than her, is a deal-breaker. It just depends on what else you bring to the table.
@75 — Nope, Job is Old Testament. And boy howdy, does that story involve open sores.
OPA should calm the fuck down. it took me quite a lot of practice to learn and start to enjoy sex with my 1st gf.
what is a red flag from HER side is that “she took it personally”. the bitch couldnt give a virgin guy a fucking break for his 1st time?
@47 Thanks for explaining. Yes, it does strike me as silly. Let’s hope Dan’s reply will reassure NACPLY.
@75 Nope, Dan got it right. Job. Jesus healed Lazarus from a slight case of death, but Job was left to suffer (after his entire family was killed and he lost everything he had) so God could win a bet with Satan.
(Job later got new stuff and a new family, but that doesn’t really help the one that way killed…)
Once again, thoroughly boring letters, though the one that gingerly approaches bestiality held some promise.
And I never had a prob w/short dudes until Tom Cruise opened his stupid ignorant mouth.
I strongly recommend taking up co-ed kayaking, canoeing and/or rowing. You’re sitting down,so any height differential can be minimized, can talk to someone and get to know her, and get the girls who like to hang with guys (as opposed to all-female groupings) and are into their own upper-body strength. Give it a whirl!
@78, Lady, I’m with you (and others) on the high-heels. We’d been married a year or so when my wife (5’8) asked if I (5’7) minded if she wore heels. Of course, I told her to wear what makes her feel good. No further problem.
Coming from a long line of short people, I grew up near an uncle whose wife always wore heels, which made her taller. She always looked great and he loved it.
Recently, our daughter (22, 5’7) dressed to go partying with her bf (5’5), looking very hot in a short dress and heels. But when asked, bf’s choice was that she try not to “tower” over him. Hmmm, could be trouble. She didn’t really like dressing “down.”
I have a good friend who’s about 5’5″ and – this is the important part – both considerate and fearlessly self-confident when talking to women (and knows how to be just inside the Napoleon-complex-cockiness that women hate). It’s stunningly successful on women both short and tall. Women may want tall men at first glance, but they also want an alpha male with a soft side. Work on this and the world (or 51% of it) will fall at your feet.
Dude, you’ve got to re-brand yourself as “compact”.
Speaking for cream-pies, 2 good things: she gets off and sleeps in a smaller wet spot. Buddy, it’s your mess; why should she have to deal with it EVERY time? I think your relationship would work best if she makes it clear, or you volunteer, that you do clean-up every time unless she says not.
BTL: as a woman over 6 feet tall, I can tell you that most women do like men who make us feel secure, but rarely has a man’s height made me feel secure. His emotional maturity, his social grace, his attention and respect, and his own personal success (financial and professional stability, etc) are all much more important. It may take you a bit longer to get their attention, but once you have it, your height is no longer part of the equation. Good luck!
@78 I know exactly what you mean. My high school years were full of guys who showed some interest until they discreetly (well, they tried to be discreet) sidled up next to me to see if they were at lesat AS tall as me, and then I would never hear fromth em again.
At 5’11” I’ve consistently dated guys within an inch of my, hieght, but all onthe shorter side of the range.
SO many of my female friedns couldn’t belive it when I went with heels at my wedding, but I’ve long since stopped caring, and my husband is equally unbothered.
There seems to be a big problem with reading comprehension re BTL’s situation. He’s not a short guy who wants to convince tall women that he can protect them, he’s a short guy who wants a tall woman to protect HIM. So all this advice about getting fit & projecting confidence is not really to the point. It’s interesting that people get so mired in cultural stereotypes (man protector, woman insecure) that they can’t even see something else when it’s right there in front of them.
I bet that 15 years ago no man who had just had sex for the first time would ever question his partner’s technique, appearance or anything else. OPA, you need to worry about your own shortcomings because as a 30 year old virgin, I’m sure they are many. (Sorry if too mean, but you need a reality check)
BTL, yet another straight butch woman. I’m only twenty, so I’m not too concerned, but I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I’m too butch, too tall (5’11”), or both. While I like taller guys, I don’t exclude short guys either.
Read #34, especially the last paragraph. Butch straight women have basically been told that we’re not feminine and pretty much undesirable. Or that we’re lesbian. Lesbian? I’ve got some wonderful lesbian friends, but I’m not one.
My life would be easier if I were a lesbian, sometimes. I’ve been asked out three times by lesbians. Zilch for guys. I’d welcome a guy who not only approaches me, but is actually still interested after realizing I’m taller.
OPA sounds like, as he fears, an asshole. He’s only worried about what she can do for him. (Are his oral skills spectacular?) Good sex is a *mutual* experience.