A few nights ago, I got drunk and knocked on my roommate’s door and confessed my attraction to him while he was lying in bed in nothing more than his skivvies. And then I asked him if I could sleep in his room because our other roommate—whose bedroom is directly above mine—was having sex so loudly that I couldn’t sleep. Which was true, but it clearly didn’t make the bed of the roommate I was drunkenly confessing to the appropriate alternative. Not being able to sleep on work nights is sometimes a real problem, but one to be addressed with her, not used as drunken fodder to get into someone else’s bed.
I feel pathetic and embarrassed for having thrown myself at my roommate and completely freaked out that I got wasted enough to do something I have daydreamed about but wouldn’t do sober. But much more importantly, I think my behavior did not reflect active consent, trashed my roommate’s boundaries, and was generally creepy—all characteristics of sexual assaulters.
I am biologically female, and if the situation were reversed, I would commit a huge double standard because I would back any woman who did not feel safe continuing to live with a dude who did what I did. I feel like I should be held accountable and move out immediately, though my housemate has told me he doesn’t feel threatened and that I should stay.
Help. I feel like a total piece of shit for having done this and can’t stop wondering…
Am I A Sexual Predator?
Calm the fuck down—and no more women’s studies classes for you, okay? I think you’ve had quite enough, and I’m cutting you off.
Look, AIASP, you didn’t assault anyone, you’re not a predator, you shouldn’t have to move out. You made a drunken, ill-advised-in-retrospect pass at a roommate. If that makes someone a “sexual predator,” AIASP, then we’d better build walls around our better universities and start calling ’em all penitentiaries.
As for that double standard: In light of your recent experience—you made a drunken pass at someone who wasn’t interested in you—you might want to revisit the assumptions you’ve made about men who make passes, drunken and otherwise, at women who aren’t interested in them. Making a pass is not grounds for eviction or conviction. It’s how a person makes a pass (did you pounce or did you ask?) and how a person reacts if the pass is rebuffed (did you graciously take no for an answer or were you a complete asshole about it?) that matters.
Of course, men’s passes at women—roommates and otherwise—exist in a context of male sexual violence. So it’s understandable that a woman might feel uncomfortable living with a dude who did what you did. But if the dude wasn’t a creep about it and graciously took no for an answer (if the answer was no), perhaps he should be judged as an individual and not as someone who bears responsibility for the collective crimes committed by members of his sex throughout history.
And even if you were an asshole about that no, AIASP, that still wouldn’t make you a sexual predator. You’re only a sexual predator—or guilty of sexual assault—if you refuse to take no for an answer and force yourself on someone. (Or if you go after someone who is incapable of granting consent.) You didn’t force yourself on anyone. All you’re guilty of, AIASP, is asking someone whom you wanted to fuck if he wanted to fuck you. It’s a legit question, and no one gets fucked without asking it.
And that simple question doesn’t magically become sexual assault or harassment when the answer is no.
My mistress wants to deny me the pleasure of regular food. We want to create a “slop” that I can eat four to five times daily that is highly nutritious but as bland-tasting as possible. Any ideas? Can you consult a nutritionist?
Seeking Slave Food
Are there any vegan restaurants in your area?
I’m a single male in my mid-30s who over the years developed an incapacitating fetish. I can only get fully aroused when smelling the odor of maple syrup. When I was younger, it was not a problem getting aroused without it, but as I got older, I inhaled the scent while pleasuring myself, and now I can’t perform without it. I have tried to wean myself to no avail.
What should I do, short of taking all my dates to the house of pancakes and “accidentally” spilling syrup on them? I don’t think it would be fair to require such a thing from anyone and would not expect it to be tolerated in a long-term relationship. Any advice?
Odor Regretfully Generates A Sexual Malady
Look, ORGASM, the human brain is an inscrutable bag of slop, and you aren’t the only person out there whose brain saddled him with a seemingly random sexual fetish. But you shouldn’t view your fetish—assuming you’re not making this up—as “incapacitating.” You could be into things that were much worse and/or more complicated and/or literally impossible to realize. Nor should you blame yourself for your growing reliance on your kink. As we age (men particularly), we tend to lean more on those things—fantasies, fetishes, scenarios—that help us get there and get off.
Stop viewing your fetish as some sort of freakish ailment that disqualifies you from love and affection, ORGASM, and start viewing it for what it is: an endearing quirk and not too much to ask from a long-term partner. People in love and people in long-term relationships—two distinct groups with some significant overlap—like to say things like “I would walk through fire for him” or “I would take a bullet for her.” Well, all you’re asking is for a tiny bit of maple syrup dabbed behind the ears before sex. It’s not fire, it’s not a bullet, and it’s not too much to ask.
I am a heterosexual guy, married. My wife and I have lately been getting really interested in watching porn videos on my iPhone. I’m having a problem, however, finding sites with fresh, free stuff that will actually play streaming on the iPhone. Do you, the tech-savvy at-risk youth, or any of your readers have any site recommendations? The more the merrier!
Sent From The Savage Love App
For iPhone
I was under the impression—heard it from Steve Jobs himself—that the iPhone was designed to protect our wives from porn. And while I’m always coming to the defense of porn, I’m not a big consumer myself. (I only use my iPhone to make calls and play cribbage.) So I’m not aware of any iPhone-friendly straight-porn sites, SFTSLAFI. Readers? Any tips?
And speaking of porn: Sometimes it’s not enough to come to the defense of porn. Sometimes you have to sit down and make some porn yourself. And sometimes your homemade porn can win you large cash prizes. Info and details at www.humpseattle.com.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
@many (96, 98, 104, 108)
Yes, I am GGG and I’m all down for us doing all kinds of things that make us all feel good…and bringing enthusiasm to it. That is: I don’t get much out of grinding, and what little I get is deadened by condoms, but I’ll make that a very significant part of each and every session since I’m GGG and that’s what gets her off.
My issue is this: she doesn’t seem, despite some very direct directives, to grok what gets me off.
We have tried a diaphram and jelly – and that really helps (though there are issues with proper insertion – that thing feels very very weird when I bump into it). I think we need to revert to that more, it’s just not nearly as convenient as a condom. But, this is my gripe: I don’t send her off to “wash up” before going down on her, though Gynol-II is worse than Vegan food. She, on the other hand, won’t return the favor if I ‘taste like a condom’.
I’m not altogether sure she’s really GGG – despite verbal protestations to the contrary. I like a little butt play, but she’s refused to even touch my perineum, never mind going anywhere near her butt.
The disappointing part is that I do think the rest of the relationship is great. :-/
Thanks for the thoughts folks.
It may be funny to make fun of vegans, but if you think it’s all about meat substitutes and beans you’re doing it wrong. Do remember that plenty of Indian and Oriental food is vegan and there’s lots of opportunity for eating food around the world.
I’ve not been to a bad vegan restaurant yet (although individual dishes may vary, same as any restaurant). A vegetarian and vegan restaurant is already a niche market, so if they’re no good they’re not going to last long.
No, I’m not vegan myself and have no intention of being, but I do cook a fair bit of tasty vegan food and cakes.
Hey,
I really love this column but I resent the way Dan approached sexual assault. The girl pushed herself on her roommate and placed him in a situation where it was difficult for him to say no. Whether or not he gave consent doesn’t matter very much because he might have been saying “okay” for a range of reasons. Male survivors of sexual assault by women often admit to feeling pressured to give their consent because of societal expectations that they should always want sex from women. Dan’s response negated the possibility that he was sexually assaulted, or even worse, placed blame on the survivor if he was sexually assaulted. Disappointing.
Also, Dan seems to be writing off good sexual assault education by dismissing it as something meant for academic feminist classes. NO. I think sexual assault education is something we could all seek out and obtain so sexual assault doesn’t remain a huge f**king problem in society?
cvilletop @153: your fiancee’s unwillingness to touch your perineum, her objection to the taste of condoms, her disinterest in what gets you off… she’s not GGG. You two are engaged. She thinks you’re going to go ahead with the marriage anyway. I think you should show her (by postponing the wedding/breaking off the engagement) that her attitude needs to change.
Then give her a few months to see if she can step up her game and to see if she agrees that the sex is better that way. If she can’t, or if you suspect that she’s doesn’t like it better and is only doing this to please you until the wedding, then you walk away.
I can’t help but notice that the vegan rage displayed in these comments is entirely in the heads of the people criticizing it. Comments from actual vegan:
“Vegan reader saaaad… :'(“
“I am also angry that Dan Savage should dare direct a joke in my direction. I don’t want to be angry, it’s just obligatory these days, isn’t it? If you don’t get angry when someone makes a joke about your sex/sexual preference/colour/dietary preferance then you’re not a *real* man/furry/Asian/fruitarian. And I assure you I am real. I have a reflection in the mirror. Therefore I am angry. Bad Dan.”
Comments in response:
“Jesus Christ, would you whiney vegans just shut the fuck up and take a joke already?”
Really? Before you get angry at someone else for not being able to take a joke, think for a moment about whether they are perfectly able to take a joke and are making a joke in response. Before you jump on sanctimonious vegans it would be worth noticing that for every actual sanctimonious vegan there are a hundred meat eaters who become just as sanctimonious as soon as anyone uses the word “vegan” in any context.
The maple syrup-loving guy could also get some maple scented fragrance oil and put it in a diffuser in his bedroom, which would delay (or eliminate) having to disclose it to potential partners. Check this out: http://www.bonanzle.com/booths/Maryscent…
I feel like BPAL has to have a maple syrup scent SOMEWHERE on their site. Why not find that and give it as a gift to potential sexy ladyfriends?
@155
HA! If I counted myself as a victim of sexual assault every time I had to spurn advances that made me uncomfortable, I’d have a loooootta charges to file. Pretty sure there are heaps of people in the same situation. Get the fuck over it, and please, don’t lessen the severity of ACTUAL sexual assault by equating it with some drunk chick telling her roommate she’d like to fuck him. It’s an insult to actual victims.
EricaP@156
If she can’t, or if you suspect that she’s doesn’t like it better and is only doing this to please you until the wedding, then you walk away.
To be honest, in “verbalizing” this here, I’ve kind of forced myself to really think/see through this, and for me, I feel like it’s not just “until the wedding” – it’s “only doing this to please me”. Just sad.
i once lived with a group of people, two of whom were young, male, strapping, vegans. they had absoulute hissy fits about our terminally ill housemate eating ‘non-vegan’ items (uh, hello, he was dying… and could barely keep anything down) and finally the sick person would no longer eat with us but ate in the barn, outside. I HATE VEGANS. if they want to eat that way they can do what they want just SHUT THE FUCK UP and go move to india if you cant handle it.
I think the maple -syrup fetish letter is a piss-take ( an obvious fraud to see if you’ll fall for it). I’ve heard of and imagined many a thing, but this–No Way.
Oh Dan… I have fantasies of getting strapped to a table, blindfolded and fed vegan food by you!
If I swallowed your cum would I still be vegan?
Jokes!
Jokes!
Except for the first sentence;->
Nutraloaf is supposed to be awful. It is fed to prisoners.
http://www.npr.org/programs/wesat/featur…
Try M.F.K. Fisher’s recipe for Sludge. Google it. It’s pretty much what you’re asking for and it’s historical, to boot.
I don’t make fun of vegans or care what they eat, but I know for sure they are doing permanent damage to their bodies. As for ruining the environment, monocrop agriculture (upon which the vast majority of vegans must rely to maintain an adequate caloric intake) is far more damaging to the environment and kills thousands of tiny creatures besides. Oh, but cows are more complex, right? Or something. Listen, cows have eyes on the sides of their heads because they are prey animals. Cows and their hooved kin know that they will be eaten by a predator. This is simple biology. Humans have eyes facing forward, stand upright and have stomachs which produce hydrochloric acid…which is used in digesting meat.
We evolved as a predatory primate species. We are, in fact, apex predators (at the tippy top of the food chain) along with lions and tigers and bears. Oh my!
So, if it makes you feel better to eat your beans and veggies and take your B-12 supps, go for it. But please, let’s not pretend it’s a natural diet.
I have yet to see anyone mention M.F.K. Fisher’s Sludge recipe, but it should fit the bill. I’ve Googled it, but can’t find an exact recipe. However, it involves getting “cereal” (some type of grain), then cooking it–along with cheap, throwaway veggies and a few scraps of meat until it’s a paste, then baking it. Sounds very similar to the aforementioned prison loaf.
As for veganism: humans evolved eating meat, pure and simple. The supposed benefits to the world by eating nothing but meat are offset by the facts of life, which include the following: 1) monocrop agriculture rapes the earth and kills thousands of animal lives per acre. It is also the basis for the vast majority of vegan diets. 2) Animal husbandry doesn’t necessarily equate to factory farming which is–as vegans rightly point out–disgusting. In fact..animal husbandry, if done right, can actually benefit our environment. Look up Joel Palatin for a description of how this can be done. 3)Equating consuming animal products with any number of crimes–murder, rape, torture, etc–is a sign of unmitigated ignorance, folly, hubris, and species-est arrogance. We evolved as a species eating animal flesh. Period. We are apex predators: our eyes face forward, we stand upright, and we have speech…all of which help us hunt as social predatory primates must. Our stomachs produce hydrochloric acid, which breaks down meat (and is only found in the stomachs of carnivores and omnivores).
If you insist on being vegan, because it gives you some sort of spiritual sense of moral superiority or peace or just because you like it, great. But let’s not pretend that veganism is either better for the environment or the ideal diet for humans.
The only thing funnier than Dan’s vegan crack is the volume of sad vegans condeming him for it. Who knew veganism had become the [humorless] alternative to feminism?
In case it matters to you, I am a former vegan, current woman.
Hey ORGASM (x-posted from the SLLOtD link):
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.a…
http://www.fragrantica.com/notes/Maple-3…
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.a…
Bath & Body works makes “Sugared Maple” lotion, too. Picking someone up at some good pancake house on Sunday afternoon, maybe..?
This is NOT a big deal to ask someone to indulge you in. Truuust me. Some ppl have chests of toys, closets of wardrobes, to please themselves/their partners. A whiff of maple? Provided you’re willing to break from it once in awhile, so it doesn’t become too much, SO not a huge thing.
He should just stash a bottle of maple syrup in his drawers/closet so his clothes start to smell like it. That way any girls will just think that’s his natural smell, and he can also smell it no matter where he is or who he’s hooking up with. The scent will be with him all the time.
SFTSLAFI, check out http://www.ifeelmyself.com. Gorgeous, high-quality porn dedicated to the female orgasm (a lot of solo play, plus very hot REAL lesbian sex and some rare but good straight stuff)–and you can stream it all on your iPhone. It costs, but personally, I found it worth every penny.
Anyone else noticed the theme that Dan makes fun of a group of people, and then that group gets offended? Its not exactly unique to vegans, guys.
It turns out that people don’t like to be made fun of, go figure.
How about:
pornhub.com
mobile.bangyoulater.com
youporn.com
and not really streaming vid on the iphone but worth a mention cause they’re just so damn hot: suicidegirls.com/join/gallery
If you just google Mobile Porn you should get a lot more results.
Fenugreek tea really *will* make a person smell like maple. You can ask any mother who has drank it while nursing. It’s a culinary herb, and a medicinal herb with a positive effect on cholesterol and serum glucose, but it’s also a powerful galactagogue, meaning it increases milk supply in lactating women. Maple milk shake anyone?
It’s all very well the vegans saying that we’ll all be vegan when the population gets too large to sustain carnivory, but by then the population will simply be too large and all the pandas will be dead.
We should start building the space ships now, or neuter the unworthy.
@ evolve or die,
I agree that we evolved to eat meat, but… could it be that it gave us benefits while we lived in nature, which outweighed the costs (like possibly dying before the age of forty, but who cared back then, you were not likely to live to your 50th birthday anyway). Yes we evolved to eat meat, but who knew that our lifestyles would turn into this? We spend most of our time sitting or sleeping, we can (and should) have more than one or two meals during the day so it’s not essential to eat slowly digested protein that stays in your system for god knows how long, we are able to get quality nutrients from elsewhere, not like back then when people really had to rely on the animal to eat plants so that humans could get plant nutrients from the animal’s meat. Actually, with most of the meat available today, it’s better you don’t rely on it for anything (how many people eat grass finished, organic meats?) So when our lifestyles undergo such a significant change, isn’t it slightly dumb to insist that evolution stops here and we must eat like we used to when we lived totally different way?
Happy meat eater here btw, but I don’t eat meat because I think it’s good for me or because I feel compelled to eat it to honor my ancestors (denial is not just a river in Africa!), but because I like it. It tastes good.
cvilletop: You could turn clean-up time into something fun. She is banishing you to the bathroom because you stink of condoms, which is not fun; and you are not sending her off to clean up despite the fact that she smells nasty too, which also is not fun. You could go have a little fun in the shower together, instead of sending one or the other into exile until you no longer smell, or putting up with the smell.
That, however, is only one of your problems. She sounds pretty damned persnickety. The pair of you need to figure out how to be happily innovative together, and a good deal of that falls in her court. If she can’t manage to get up enough enthusiasm to actually come up with solutions that work for both of you — not merely service you halfheartedly and with severe reservations — this match will only get worse over time.
ORGASM should contact Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab or a similar purveyor of custom perfume oils and have a personalized maple blend made for his partner. Oils are a sexy gift and they don’t require someone to get all sticky every time they want to fuck.
Is it realistic to make a promise “I will love you until death do us part”? Famous Russian writer Leo Tolstoy who is considered an expert in understanding human feelings and relationships between people in general and man and woman in specific, in his novella “The Kreutzer Sonata” said: “To say that you can love one person all your life is just like saying that one candle will continue burning as long as you live”.
Are you married, but not dead? Interested in discreet married dating? Welcome to FindNewPassion.com – premiere dating website for married and singles. Join free – thousands of members around the world are waiting for you.
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@179
Tolstoy wrote that as his own marriage was breaking down, and it’s a novella that argues for ABSTINENCE. Think we should apply that to all humanity, hmm?
Ha! Ha! Love it when the vegans get all agitated!
@179:
Fuck off, spammer, and take your affectations of literary sophistication with you. (Oh, and in case you were wondering? Your English sucks.)
Cribbage is such a fun game!
xnxx.com works on my itouch, it’s like a YouTube for porn, only thing is that some of the videos won’t load. And all the kink.com site work too
Hey 100- loved your question about relaxing AND coming. A bit like learning to rub the stomach and pat the head at the same time. I learned to come with high intensity touch, breath holding and clenching. Unlearning the habits takes time. I have really enjoyed the book, Urban Tantra by Barbara Carellas. She’s got some great breath and awareness exercises that help me drop out of my mind and into my body. When I am in my body and breathing into my pussy/perineum I find that I don’t need so much stimulation. It also helps me get out of the fantasy loop and into my body. Somehow being more in my body helps me to connect more clearly with my partner without losing myself in their experience. I took the G-spot class at Babeland, even though I thought I knew about theG-spot. Squirting copiously these days. Very educational. Spend some time being with arousal without having to orgasm, just to see what your body likes. Experiment with positions, lubes, toys and partners and try to remember to breathe.
SFTSLAFI, xhamster.com might work. It works on my EVO and it uses the same video format as the iPhone. Also, get dwhelper for firefox on your home computer and Any Video Converter. Dwhelper will let you download streaming video, and AVC will convert the video into MP4 format. You can then put it on your iPhone
1. I’m vegan, and the Vegan Slave food comment made me snort organic soy milk all over the keyboard. Funniest thing I’ve read all day.
2. Now I know if I go back and read the comments about 10% of them will be from other amused vegans, with the remainder evenly divided between (a) vegans without a sense of humour – an all too common breed, I fear, and (b) jackasses who see the word “vegan” and are unable to restrain themselves from spewing out hate for anyone who lives even a little bit differently. (Probably why they read Savage Love, too.)
Wow who knew vegans were so touchy!
It’s a joke don’t be so leotarded.
To maple syrup guy is it real maple syrup
or that fake aunt Jamima sh!t cus I love
real maple syrup. I drink it out of the bottle
and I love sucking on those hard maple syrup
candies. Let’s hook up!
@185 Thanks, yonilady! I’d heard mixed things about Urban Tantra… But I’ll pick up a copy and take a look.
I am completely confused on who is the woman and who is the man in the “sexual predator” in the first query of this week’s column. What the hell is “biologically female”? Can’t we just continue using “woman” “man”?! The sexual predator was a woman who made a drunken pass at her male roommate or was it the other way around?! Jeez!
I am completely confused on who is the woman and who is the man in the “sexual predator” in the first query of this week’s column. What the hell is “biologically female”? Can’t we just continue using “woman” “man”?! The sexual predator was a woman who made a drunken pass at her male roommate or was it the other way around?! Jeez!
I’m not surprised by Dan’s vegan joke. When i started this lifestyle years ago, my taste got improved with time. I can say now that when i was a meat eater i thought that food could be tasty only if it would be full of fat and salt. Now i enjoy tasty untasty food. Anyway’s, as a perception issue, it is irrelevant. So you can be vegan and like “untasty” food or be a meat-eater and like fat and salt. Both ways eating is good xD
Oh Jesus-Fuck.
A normal, sexually agressive woman turns up in this hetero wasteland and she’s got more guilt than your average liberal arts professor doing a lecture on Vietnam.
You can rape me anytime, Sex Predator.
I’ll even take you out for a steak afterward.
@192, I started eating healthier but didn’t stop eating meat and my taste buds improved too.
Wow, oversaturated taste buds have nothing to do with being vegan. Revelation.
Am I the only one who suspects ORGASM was trolling with an Old King Clancy reference? ‘Cuz, as other commenters have duly noted, that is just not the stumper of a problem he makes it out to be.
@176
Well, a lot of our dietary preferences are maladaptive to our current lifestyles, but that’s neither here nor there.
My reason for responding is so I can vent what has become a recurring bugbear in my life. Bear in mind, please, that I don’t intend to insult you or your sensibilities, and if I’ve misunderstood your points, please correct me.
Okay? Good. Organic farming is pants-on-head retarded. Let’s start from the top.
We have no actual evidence that organic farming is better for us. Aside from the assumptions that artificial parts of food are inherently harmful, and things like preservatives and flavorings are carcinogenic (maybe), or otherwise really bad (not confirmed) leads us to a simple, but ultimately unfounded, assumption: natural is better.
Let’s look at this logically. Would we say that it’s better to take willow bark instead of Aspirin? Probably not, since the most “organic” form of it actually gives us ulcers. Would we say that it’s better to go without glasses or contacts? Not I. We accept that technology and science make our lives both more manageable, and healthier. Hell, all of the vitamin supplements vegans take are products of modern technology (they’re decidedly un-“organic”). And, not for nothing, but according to Norman Borlaugh (who won the Nobel Prize in 1979 and is credited with saving over one hundred million lives with the creation of dwarf wheat), we could support a human population of around four billion if we used organic farming techniques and every inch of arable land on the planet. That’s about two billion fewer people than we have.
Is there any benefit to grass-fed cattle, or to any of the other organic farming techniques? From a subjective basis, sure. If it helps you sleep at night, thinking that the cow lived a better life, or if you think it tastes better. But, it doesn’t change anything significant about the rest of the chemical equations.
Also, just to put what I hope is the final nail in the coffin, life expectancy rose steadily over the last seventy years, and one of the major contributors was the ability to eat things like meat and fruits and vegetables, largely due to the rise in pesticides and preservatives.
Better living through chemistry, baby.
@ 176,
My comment about meat included the organic label because I thought that there are no grass-finished non-organic meats on the market (maybe there are?). While some phenomena of commercial meat production are definitely a no-no (routine feeding of antibiotics? hello superbugs!), I think it’s enough to be reasonable about it and not overdo it with chemicals and you’ll be ok, no need to go overboard and not use any chemicals at all.
Now as for why grass-finished beef, it’s because there are good things in grass. Excellent things even, and ingesting grass makes meat vastly more nutritious (and it tastes differently, in my opinion definitely better – meat from farm factories has no taste at all). Think about it, if you feed your animal corn and soy, that’s what’s going to be in its meat, nutrients from corn and soy. Thank you very much but I have enough of those in my diet already. In the words of Michael Pollan, you are what what you eat eats.
Seldon @196,
You get 1000 bonus points for mentioning Norman Borlaug, who was quite possibly the beneficial person in history, yet most people don’t know his name. He’s actually credited with saving more than billion–jesus christ man, a billion–people from starving to death. And yet his methods have critics. There are some who whine that he uses fertilizers and pesticides (although a huge part of his work involved creating disease and pest-resistant strains of wheat) and that genetically breeding food is “bad.” Well, I’m with you; let’s USE science instead of protesting it and see if we can get the entirety of the world’s population in a position to feed themselves. There are sustainable ways to do this, people just need to stop being insufferable hippies on the subject and actually work on them.
My BF lovely maple syrup. I’m *so* gettingsome fengugreek 🙂
Regarding your response to AIASP – As a point of clarification – when you write: “…You’re only a sexual predator—or guilty of sexual assault—if …you go after people who are incapable of granting consent…” Are you including those “below the legal age to consent”? or are you talking about “incapable” as in mentally, physically or otherwise handicapped? (or all of the above) I am curious because as you know, the legal age of consent varies from state-to-state and that could mean that one may be labeled a Predator [using your definition] for example in Oregon or California, but not Washington – its confusing.
I strongly suspect that if AIASP is, in fact, as heavily into women’s studies as everyone thinks she is, she wouldn’t dream of suggesting that her actions could be compared to the actions of a man in the same kind of scenario. The overlying theme of virtually all women’s studies classes is that because women are so disadvantaged that they can never be held to the same standards as men.
Yes, I know, that sounds like a wild caricature of liberals that could come from a right-wing website, but…when it comes to that particular fringe of the feminist movement, it’s true.
Clearly the letter-writer knows quite a bit about “politically correct” language, and she probably considers herself an extremely left-wing (maybe even “radical” feminist.) But I’m not ready to call her out as someone who’s taken way too many women’s studies classes. The crux of the argument she used to criticize her actions was one that most women’s studies professors would immediately, passionately reject.
Thanks Dan. Regardless of the tiresome pontificating by some commenters, both the women’s studies and vegan food comments were fucking HI-LA-RI-OUS. The rest of the advice this week was spot-on too!