I’m a straight college guy, age 21, and I share a house with some buddies and a couple. This couple has been together for four years. They’re both quite sexual, but she’s got more libido than he does. I’ve got a big sex drive, too. Both of them have stated an openness to polyamorous situations. She started flirting with me, and flirting turned into no-sex threesomes with her and her BF every few nights.

I’m perfectly fine with poly, or I wouldn’t be doing this, but it feels a bit awkward fingering her or sucking on her nipples while her boyfriend is in the room, or even the same bed. Both of us guys are straight and have no desire to see the other naked, so there’s none of that going on. I’ve got no beef with guys who like beef, but being in a sexual situation with another guy—like the one going on here—makes me uncomfortable. And anyway, I feel like he’s the “primary” one, the one she loves and kisses, so I move over whenever he shows interest. This is reinforced because she said that she didn’t feel comfortable kissing other guys—although fingering is fine (?)—and I get the impression that he’s not entirely happy that I’m cuddling and/or fingering his girlfriend while he plays Dawn of War five feet away from their bed.

I’m fine with being the “secondary” guy. But I’d much rather have some privacy if we—meaning me and her—are gonna try to get each other off, particularly if this arrangement of ours should progress to actual sex. But this is tough, since there’s nowhere else in the house to go other than their room. Incidentally, we haven’t told our other friends/housemates about this, although they could probably put two and two together; she screams in orgasm, and half an hour later I say good night and go back down to my room.

Any advice for making the situation more comfortable for all involved?

Can’t Think Of A Clever Name

You’re fingering her, you’re sucking her tits, you’re getting her off (screaming orgasms induced dicklessly), she’s getting you off (your orgasms induced somehow or other)—which means, CTOACN, that this can’t be described as a “no-sex” arrangement. You’re not having vaginal intercourse, you’re not kissing the girl, but you’re having sex, and a lot of it.

But I wouldn’t slap a 10-dollar word like “polyamorous” on what you’re doing. You may be in a polyamorous relationship someday—with this couple, with some other couple—but all you’re really doing at the moment is “messing around.”

Okay, CTOACN, it sounds like this girl is pretty up front about what she’s comfortable doing—no kissing, no vaginal intercourse (for you)—and clear about her boundaries. You need to be similarly assertive. Tell them both that you’re not comfortable messing around while he’s in the room. So instead of playing Dawn of War while you two mess around, her boyfriend could head to the library, go for a walk, do some reading in the communal space of your shared house, or—hey—go play Dawn of War in your room for a while.

If he balks, CTOACN, then you may want to reconsider the assumptions you’ve made about him. You’re not comfortable with any hint of guy-on-guy, but he may want to be in the room while you’re messing around with his girlfriend because he digs that hint. I’m not saying that he’s bi, or that he wants to get with you, as the kids were only too recently saying—but I’m not saying he isn’t bi or doesn’t want to get with you, either. I guess what I’m saying is…

Considering (1) his presence every time you’re messing around with her (surely the library, the living room, or your room would’ve occurred to him if he were uncomfortable being in the same room while you fingered O’Donnelled his girlfriend), (2) the limitations she’s placed on the kind of sex she’ll have with you, and (3) his tendency to suddenly “show interest” after you’ve been messing around with his girlfriend (at which point you “move over” and, presumably, out), I’m thinking this girl’s boyfriend is into cuckolding-lite.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. But it could mean asking for quality time alone with his girlfriend would bring the messing around to an end.

IT GETS BETTER: Last week, I wrote about Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old kid in Indiana who took his own life after enduring years of bullying for being gay. Billy didn’t identify as gay and may not have been gay. But the consequences of anti-gay bullying—whether the kid being harassed is gay or closeted or just different—are often the same: isolation, pain, despair, and suicide.

After last week’s column went to press, I learned about another teenager—this one openly gay—who recently took his own life. Cody J. Barker was a 17-year-old high-school student in Shiocton, Wisconsin. Cody was a cyclist and a gardener and a Lady Gaga fan who had planned to start a gay-straight student alliance at his high school this fall. “He really cared about making schools a safe place for students,” a friend of Cody’s told the Wisconsin Gazette. “That wasn’t always his own experience with school.”

Billy Lucas in Indiana, Cody Barker in Wisconsin, Justin Aaberg in Minnesota—these three boys and countless other LGBT kids have committed suicide because they couldn’t picture a future for themselves.

That’s why my boyfriend and I launched the It Gets Better Project, a slightly grand name for a YouTube channel. We made a short video about our lives—the harassment we endured in school, the full and rewarding lives we enjoy now—and invited other LGBT adults to make and upload videos about their lives. The response has been completely overwhelming: thousands of members, hundreds of thousands of views, and more than 100 videos from people all over the world sharing their stories, all in an effort to let bullied and isolated and unhappy LGBT kids know that it gets better.

There are a couple of similar and ongoing projects that deserve a shout-out: the amazing and deeply moving I’m from Driftwood (www.imfromdriftwood.com) documents “true stories by gay people all over.” Please check it out. And there’s a large archive of YouTube videos from LGBT teenagers talking about their own coming-out experiences at www.tinyurl
.com/2fuwffh. And if any LGBT teenagers reading this are contemplating suicide, please visit the Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org), a suicide-prevention project for gay teenagers, or call its 24-hour hotline at 866-488-7386.

And here’s a thought for people who are thinking about making videos for the It Gets Better Project: Many of the early submitted videos focused on something many gay adults have in common with gay kids—our experiences with being bullied. The pain we endured as kids should be touched on. But it would be great to see more videos that give gay young people a picture of the lives they could make for themselves if they just hang in there. LGBT kids who don’t know any LGBT adults need to see—with their own eyes—that gay adults lead happy and rewarding lives. So if you decide to make a video—and I hope that you do—don’t just share your pain. Share your joy. Give ’em hope. Save a life. www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

mail@savagelove.net

105 replies on “Savage Love”

  1. @51

    I would argue that those people are perhaps assholes, but still poly as long as they’re communicating honestly with their partners. If they’re communicating the message you are getting from them, they’re probably not having much luck in the poly community. On the other hand, if they’re not communicating honestly, but being manipulative and opportunistic, that’s not poly because it’s not consensual. Manipulation is coercion, and I agree with you that it voids any poly cred.

    My point is that polyamory is inclusive, not exclusive. We conduct ourselves with mutual respect for everyone’s relationship choices, as long as those choices are executed respectfully.

  5. Regarding the It Gets Better complaints here. I am a het white girl who reads this column for more than entertainment. Yes, it’s highly entertaining as well. And it’s free, so what are you whinging about? Go watch Friends or something if you think the world owes you free entertainment with no obligation on your part.

    Dan doesn’t spend all his time pimping causes but when he does it’s something important.

    Maybe that guy in #41 and 42 is just a troll, trying to bait us all. With a name like Happy the Homophobe he must be intentionally cruel. Well, so what. That’s not most of Dan’s readers!

  6. Actually, while this other guy might be into cuckolding, it’s also very possible that she encouraged him to let her play with someone else, and, while he’s not 100% ok with it, he’d rather be in the room to make sure the boundaries stay put (and maintain, at least in his mind and by his presence, the alpha/primary role). I go back and forth on whether I’m poly or not, and I haven’t always been comfy with my boy playing with other people when I’m not there- we’ve played as a couple, and sometimes he’ll get so distracted by new-shiny-girl that I have to move in at some point so I don’t feel left out. That could also be a possibility with this guy- she likes the thrill of something new, but forgets to give her boyfriend some loving attention. To be fair to her, it’s hard to pay attention sexually to two men who are trying to avoid their cocks touching or seeing another naked man- someone’s likely to get left out.

    Personally, unless it’s a cuckolding situation, I maintain the best threesome method is have the boy pick the other boy, have the girl pick the other girl. It saves a lot of hassle.

  7. Thank you, @52. You hit the nail on the head. It doesn’t matter that I’m a (mostly) straight white chick. I plastered the It Gets Better project all over my facebook & twitter because people deserve human rights. It doesn’t matter what kind of people. Everybody does – but especially kids. I’m for it any time someone with a big audience takes the time to work towards making the world a better place, while at the same time serving as a source of levity in a time that’s sometimes dark and troubled. More power to Dan, more power to the project, and more power to bullied kids everywhere.

    So you whiner rejects that want to get back to jacking off on other people’s kinks can go whine to yourself in the corner, because the vast majority of Dan’s audience are decent human beings, whatever their orientation – be that sexual or political, and care enough about human beings other than themselves to be OK with a bit of their weekly entertainment being donated to saving lives.

  10. This little threesome isn’t a threesome, or poly-anything, or even cuckolding. You’re basically doing the foreplay for the dude while he plays video games. I didn’t hear anything about her doing anything for you. I’m assuming you get off when you go back to your room.
    I have to say, though, it sounds like a great deal for the gal. I just don’t see what you’re getting out of it….except all worked up.

  12. In the Washington, DC area, kids can contact SMYAL “The Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League (SMYAL) is the only Washington, DC metro area service organization solely dedicated to supporting lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth. Founded in 1984, SMYAL is a 501 (c) (3) nonprofit organization.Our mission is to promote and support self-confident, healthy, productive lives for LGBTQ youth ages 13-21 as they journey from adolescence into adulthood.”

    http://www.smyal.org

  13. @44

    While I understand that you want to participate, I don’t think being offended is a proper response. It’s like if someone wanted to start a movement showing how women can have successful careers. Having a man show up and say, “I have a successful career!” would not be helpful. Yes, it’s great that the man has a successful career. No one is denying it. But the whole point is to show that just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you can’t have a successful career.

    I’m straight. I was bulled. I suffered from depression. I was suicidal. Some of the things people are talking about in their videos (the fear invoked by just walking by the building where I was bullied, etc etc) really speak to me. But do you know what I had that gay kids often don’t? Successful role models. When a gay kid is bullied because they are gay, they might never have seen a real person who was gay and survived the bullying to go on to a better life. For all that it was terrible for me to be bullied, I regularly saw people just like me who had survived bullying like the bullying I had gone through. This Project is an attempt to give gay kids what I already had.

  15. Are you aware of this?:
    http://www.boingboing.net/2010/09/30/mic…

    Mich Ass’t Attorney General cyberbullies gay student body president

    Michigan Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell has become so fixated on a particular gay University of Michigan student that he runs a blog about the student called “Chris Armstrong Watch.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwObjKZg9…

    Roger Ebert writes:

    Study Shirvell closely here [video abo. You may, as I do, see a prim, repressed, rigid fanatic. As Cooper pointedly asks, would you want this man representing you? Cooper refers to Shirvell representing a hypothetical gay person. I am straight, and I gotta tell you, I wouldn’t even want to be on the same internet with him.

  16. Thank you for doing this. Not everyone gets the coming out my brother got; “You’re gay. Oh, fine with me. I was just worried you were going to hit me up for money.”

    Gave him a hug and was glad I could now meet the person his was dating. (Who is awesome!! My husband and I have altered our will to leave our daughter to Uncle Andy and Uncle John if anything happens to us. They are the best.) He finally felt complete to our family.

    EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THIS.

  17. I hate it when people pull the “X is inclusive, not exclusive” line when they’re trying to explain why their definition is right. It’s a fallacious argument.

    Any term which describes some group of people is both inclusive and exclusive. If it were only inclusive, it would apply to everyone. If it were only exclusive, it would apply to nobody.

    ‘Polyamory’ has a definition, and it excludes those people who don’t fit the definition, and includes those who do. Lots of people who use it (including me) use it to mean loving relationships, not ones which are only sexual. When someone else uses it and I don’t have context, though, I understand that they may be using it (from my point of view) ‘incorrectly’.

    That said, even the dictionary guys can’t agree (Oxford says ‘sexual’, Merriam-Webster says ‘romantic’), so I suppose it’s still up for grabs.

  19. Dan: I think what you are doing is great, we need to get help and proper education to the TEEN GLBT community. They need to know that they are not alone and that it does get better, not perfect but better. You have my full support. I finally came out to my parents that I’m bisexual about a yr ago and they said well as long as you are happy we don’t care who your with, as long as he or she treats you good then we’re happy.

  21. Thank you for the “It gets better” project. I shared it with my gay 13 y.o old daughter who came out last year in 7th grade. Funny thing, is that is the exact phrase that I, her awesome pediatrician, her understanding school counselor, and our family”s gay friends have been saying to get her through these next few years.

    We would love to see more gay women post, but thanks to all who have told your story. Each and every one gives kids like my daughter (and even more, the kids that don”t have supportive friends and parents) encouragement and strength.

  22. CTOACN:

    Talk to each of them, individually and privately, about what they want out of it. It might be a cuckolding-lite fetish; it might be the girlfriend having whipped her boy so hard he claims he doesn’t mind, or it might be the boyfriend wanting an excuse to break up with the girl. And those are the simple possibilities… it’s so easy for things to be so much more screwed up than those choices.

    If you feel like something’s not right about the two of them (if you get a different impression about this arrangement from either of them individually), you don’t have to be there when their relationship goes to hell. And if everything is on the up-and-up, wouldn’t you be happier knowing exactly where each of the other people in this stands?

  23. @65 Fine, fair enough. But I thought this was the “It Gets Better” project, not the “Queer Role Model Project.” Why not open it up to the folks who want to tell these kids “There are plenty of straight people who will love you and accept you?” If the only people who post are gay, doesn’t that send the message that tolerance is a pipe dream, and that the only safe people are gay people?

    For what it’s worth, both of my friends who drove me to the hospital when I got my nose broken for smarting off to my dad were gay as a Christmas carol. I love them and I miss them now that I’ve moved away.

  26. I don’t care if they are poly or not. Probably not, but as for the reasoning of the boyfriend always being present..seems very common for men to want to see their girlfriends getting it on with another man. It is allows them to see their girlfriend in a more pornographic light. They don;t have the same angle when they are the one involved in the sex. And sick as it is, people get off on a little jealousy too. I don’t think the boyfriend shows signs of bisexuality.

  28. Proof that things don’t always get better once a person gets out of high school, courtesy of NPR:

    “New research shows campuses have not become significantly safer for students and faculty who are not straight. Sue Rankin, a Penn State professor, talks to Ari Shapiro about her research into gay, lesbian and transgender issues on college campuses.”
    — http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story…

    Carefully choose a college or university to go to if you’re les/bi/gay/transgendered. I went to a really conservative college, and only told five people (four of them profs in one of the most liberal departments at the school) about my status. I still had a positive college experience, but things would’ve been quite different if I’d gone someplace where I felt safer being my true self with more people.

    I can see why Dan wants people to focus more on positive outcomes in their videos, but I can also see why people would be inclined to focus on the negative side of things.

  29. You know, based on what’s going on in New Jersey right now with an 18 year old kid who threw himself off of a bridge because his roommates allegedly filmed and posted a “tryst” he had with another man….

    It just makes me ill the whole thing. People need to think on the consequences of their actions as clearly we as a community are not reaching those of us most at risk and in need of help. A little kindness and common sense can save a life. Such waste:

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/worl…

  30. hi Dan.. how about this guy in MI… just watched Anderson’s clip… my heart is broken with all te young men who have died lately… who is this idiot Shirvell?

  31. Don’t tell Dan, but this is his father here to say that I love the project. My son is a loving and wonderful man, a great father for my grandson and even when his column feels “icky” to this old straight dude, I enjoy and appreciate what my son has accomplished. I don’t have a clue about making utube videos or whatever, but I would suggest that some of us parents of gay children who were neither surprised nor horrified about having a gay child could help these young people with our testimony. It CAN be better and it WILL be better for “You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars, you have a RIGHT to be here”.
    God Bless you all.

  32. Dan, I love you and your boyfriend for your facebook project. Thank you for giving hope for the lonely, for the isolated, for the hurting, and those who just want to know that someday “it gets better.”

  33. First off, Dan, you ROCK!!! I’m a huge fan of your column. You’ve made me an even bigger fan with this project. Simply INCREDIBLE! <3

  34. “cockolding-lite” LOL. But I think this is more than that.

    Is it or isn’t it polyamory? I’d say a real polyamorous relationship would include honest dialogue between the participants with at least loosely defined boundaries; that it would exclude a threesome where one of the participants not only doesn’t understand the rules, but doesn’t even understand what game he’s playing.

    CTOACN, I believe you’re actually being dominated by this guy. You are one of his submissives. A role that you don’t fully comprehend and seemingly don’t desire to play. That pair has their own kinks and set of rules- you’re simply along for their ride- a tool.

    You want time alone with this chick and are not getting it. Why not? Because, dude, she already has a boyfriend! It’s not poly, it’s not a ‘friends with benefits” scenario, and it doesn’t seem to be satisfying to you –which could then extend to, it’s not healthy for you. If it were healthy, you’d be discussing your desires with the two of them rather than on an advice blog.

  35. I don’t mean to be a party-pooper regarding the “It Gets Better” campaign. I think it’s a noble effort whose goal to curb teen suicide trumps any amount of cynicism. But as a gay man in his 40s, I have to say, in my opinion, that homophobia has only increased in the last decade or so namely as a result of proliferate evangelic Christian proselytizing, a leaning to the right of center politics, the erosion of civil liberties, a dumbing-down of education, and a strengthening of a pro-militarization movement. Also, the internet has only served to highlight bullying. I’ve seen the word “faggot” used pejoratively countless times on YouTube and other blog sites – including yours. (No matter how much gays and lesbians try to claim this word as their own, purportedly to nullify it’s effect, it can still be hurtful to hear or read it if it’s meant to sting.)

    To gloss over these facts doesn’t help gay teens learn how to cope with the inevitable alienation or harassment they will likely face at some point in their lives. And those facts don’t change as we get older. In fact, I think they actually get worse because folks don’t have as much compassion for mature people and they don’t see their homosexuality as “a phase they’re going through.” However, what does change for the better is our ability to stand up to discrimination, but this takes a strong sense of self, love of self and others, education, and independence. The latter is something you’re not addressing head-on, I think. If you’re going to set an example for the gay community, Mr. Savage, then you should acknowledge to gay teens that you’re financially independent, which makes a difference because you don’t have to rely on others for income or sustainability. I say this mostly because in your post you encourage us to speak about our positive experiences as opposed to the bullying we’ve faced, but most gays and lesbians, or anyone for that matter, are not so privileged as to be financially independent, or should I say, wealthy. In other words, you don’t have to face systemic discrimination; you can simply walk away from it without suffering debilitating financial consequences as a result. Sure it gets better – if you’re rich – no doubt! ‘Got fired from your job ’cause you’re gay? Whatever! Paris sounds nice this time of year… Go there!’ That’s not real life for most people. I guess my point is that the “It Gets Better” campaign is a good thing, but let’s just be real about the potential consequences most gays and lesbians will likely face by being “out.”

    I’ll do my part by saying that my being gay actually spurred my desire to earn an education because, initially, I chose to see myth for what it really is – a human constructed value-based belief system. As a result, I chose to study mostly science and history to broaden my own paradigm, and this has helped me to be a stronger person emotionally and intellectually. I’ve also been open about my sexuality since I was a young teen because I don’t think anyone’s opinion is any greater than my own – especially if it’s about me! And it doesn’t hurt that I grew up in the Netherlands and Germany, a much more accepting environment for homosexuals than say a rural small town in the Midwest, which I’ve also lived in. I also love studying astronomy, which helps people think outside of the box. In any event, I don’t care what other people think regarding my sexuality, which has served me well. But it’s also cost me some family members, “friends,” and I’ve had to quit a few good paying jobs here and there along the way, as I refuse to accept crumbs, as Larry Kramer would say. That’s been the cost of maintaining my dignity. And I’m not alone. I understand the campaign isn’t all about this; it’s about helping gay teens overcome suicidal thoughts by focusing on how life gets better – I get that – and as I’ve already said, those efforts trump my cynicism. But I also want gay teens to be prepared for a harsh reality that sometimes homophobia will put obstacles in their way. I think speaking truths is the best way to lend a hand and help them forge and don the armor they will need to survive and grow in this world. I think this comes from relating real-world life experiences. Does it get better? Yes and no. Our ability to withstand discrimination gets better as we age, but homophobia remains as vigilant as ever. Regardless, suicide is not the way out. It’s just an end with no coming back. Finito! And even a cynic like me must admit that life is too precious to throw away and can be pretty damn good, all in all. There are hills and valleys along the way. The valleys stink, but the highs are awesome and worth the ride – and they’re more powerful than the lows! Fortunately, memory tends to be kind. So stick around, it’s well worth it. You’re worth it. I’ve been in the same relationship for 15 years with the love of my life – that alone has been worth it! If I was to plop dead tomorrow I would go with a smile on my face because I loved myself and that love radiates to others – and it feels really good. Okay kids… go run and play now. Lecture over.

  36. Dan, thanks so much for touching on this topic. It is a very hard for parents to think any child is at risk. I wish that the parents would step up and stop the picking on each other for just being differnt. I was picked on for being a gay it started as soon as I started school. The thing that kept me safe was the power of my Mother she loved me more than any one it crossed my mind many times to end it but I would think of her and it made me stronger no one should have to die just for being gay.

  37. Dan, what a wonderful idea — back in the mid 1970’s I had a friend kill himself and now, looking back, I’m fairly sure he was gay. I figured it out many years ago and it still breaks my heart to think the world will no longer have his goofy smile and sense of humor. I am so happy that you have started this project. Keep up the good work. Blessings to you, dear man. Denise

  39. To Dan’s dad, posting at #84: hooray for you! My parents too have been completely supportive of my gay brother and his (legal!) husband, as have the friends of the family and the entire community. It takes parents like you, who are completely convinced of their child’s general wonderfulness, that helps thing to get better. As a straight woman with a teen who adores her gay uncles, I am posting and re-posting information on “It Gets Better” on Facebook, in my classes, and by e-mail. Spread the word!

  40. Dear Mr. Savage Sr. By the time I was half finished reading your letter, I was crying. As I type, I still am. It’s not that I (gay), my gay younger sister and our gay younger brother didn’t have incredibly supportive parents, AND straight older sibs, we did. We sibs are now 56-70y/o. The elder generation is now gone. We lost our mom two years ago. Your letter brought them all to the forefront of my alleged mind. I’m better now… Thanks!

    Oh yeah! Thanks to Dan too!!

  41. While I support what Dan’s doing with the It Gets Better Project, I’m a little annoyed that the focus is on gay teens.

    There’s nothing wrong with that per se, but it ignores the reality that high school for a lot of people (myself included) is/was hellish.

    You do NOT have to be gay to get bullied in high school. You don’t even have to be black (or some other minority) in a predominantly white school. You just have to be a teeny-tiny bit different.

    In my high school, if you weren’t Mormon, if you were being raised by a single parent, and especially if you were poor — you got beat down regularly by the popular/athletic “in” crowd.

    How about instead of telling GLBT teens it gets better, you tell ALL the kids that?

    Case in point:
    http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2010&hellip;

  42. Arrgh.
    Being young and slutty isn’t exotic – it’s normal behavior. Good times, good times.
    CTOACN sounds like a bit of a pussy, as does the ‘cuckold’.
    Either steal the girlfriend or stop fingerbanging her, shithead.

  43. The bullying of the kid in Indiana is very sad.

    Indiana’s rough. The ‘normal’ young people try like hell to get out as soon as they can, so it would suck to be a sexual minority.

  44. Thank you so much! I have been a longtime fan of your contributions to TAL. This is such a beautiful project, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  45. I know it’s not exactly along the same lines but the most recent season of ANTM covered a segment on bullying. Every model chose a word used against her to bully her and one of the models being gay chose queer as her hurtful word. She explained how much trauma and pain she associated with that word and what it meant to her.

    They also had to choose a power word and she chose free. Seeing the emotion she felt with that word really moved me and as superficial as most of the show can be, that episode really highlight diversity and how it should be valued.

  46. Thanks Dan and Terry for putting this together. Losing loved ones through such circumstances is unacceptable and inhumane. Keep up the inspiring work and I’ll try from my neck of the woods. Regards, Espy, Melbourne, OZ

  47. I’m wondering, would it be out of line for straight people to put up a video, showing that they love, care and support their gay friends/family?

  48. @95 Phoebe Prince was apparently also a bully http://www.slate.com/id/2263470/
    This points to the the complexity of dealing bullying; it isn’t just a dichotomous phenomenon where there are only aggressors and victims.

    Dan isn’t trying to solve all bullying here he’s trying to give gay teens hope.
    Gay teens are at a far greater risk for suicide and it is completely appropriate for the focus of this project to be on them. If you are unhappy with the myriad of programs that focus on ending bullying and teen suicide I’d suggest you start your own project that has a more general focus.

  50. “My son is a loving and wonderful man, a great father for my grandson and even when his column feels “icky” to this old straight dude, I enjoy and appreciate what my son has accomplished.”

    Sir, you must deserve much of the credit for raising such a good one. Thanks very much for your comment.

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