My husband has a cuckold fetish, which we have indulged through two drunken threesomes with two of his best friends. The first time, he really had to talk me into it. The second time, he steered me in that direction and I took the wheel. I now have had sex alone with Friend Two a few times. My husband was okay with it at first, but now he wants it to stop. I like the control he gave me, and now I don’t want to be told no. He opened the door, and I don’t want to close it. What do I do?
Not Ready To Stop
You close the damn door and you let your husband see that it’s closed. You tell him that you’d rather the door were still open, NRTS, but you assure him that it’s closed for now and will remain closed until he’s ready to open it again.
That’s pretty much the only way you can have your husband and, at some point down the road, “the control he gave you” too, i.e., his consent to fuck around with other men. Then you’ll be able to open the door to a threesome again, this time without a booze assist. Although it might take him longer to get comfortable with the idea of you seeing other guys alone, which seems to have triggered the wrong kind of anxiety, i.e., anxiety of the non-boner-inducing variety, which is not what emotionally safe and sane cuckolding is all about.
Trust me, NRTS: Your husband is still into cuckolding. That’s not a kink that evaporates after one or two drunken threesomes. He’s probably just a little spooked by how quickly you progressed from having to be talked into it to having to be talked out of it. A time-out will give him a chance to see—and give you a chance to demonstrate—that he is still your first priority, emotionally and sexually.
Which he still is, right?
I am a 23-year-old lesbian with a beautiful girlfriend whom I met a month ago. Here’s the problem: She screams so loudly throughout sex that I am concerned for my roommate and other people who live in our building, as well as the entire neighborhood. I would know how to handle this situation if she were completely mute during sex—draw her out, make it into a game, etc.—but I’m scared of telling her she’s too loud, because I don’t want to hamper her enjoyment. I even tried to make this into a role-play game where we would pretend we needed to be silent for some reason, but nothing makes a difference.
How can I approach this without making her self-conscious?
Lesbian Over Ungodly Din
You don’t want to make her self-conscious, and that’s a lovely impulse, but she’s making you self-conscious, LOUD, and you’re just going to have to risk making her self-conscious. Because we’re not talking about a few loud yelps or screams at the climax(es) of the act(s), which is something a roommate or a neighbor can reasonably be expected to endure, but caterwauling throughout. That’s not okay. Tell the new girlfriend that the yelling wouldn’t be a problem if you lived on 200 acres of land, but you live in an apartment building, in the city, and you have a roommate and neighbors.
Under those circumstances, you have a right to ask her to stifle herself. And if she reacts badly, or if she sulks like a child, then she’s obviously not mature enough to waste your valuable time (and tongue) on.
How come when I look up the history of the T-shirt on Wikipedia, there’s a picture of you? Are you aware of this?
Jewdizzle
I invented the T-shirt, and every time one is sold—even one with rapper 50 Cent on it—I get a royalty check. That’s why I don’t have to have a real job and can devote my time to answering questions from cuckolds’ wives, lesbians, and people interested enough in the history of the T-shirt to read the Wikipedia entry about it.
I want to thank you for the It Gets Better Project. My son is 14 and a sophomore in high school in rural Kentucky. He isn’t athletic. He isn’t religious. He isn’t in ROTC. He is constantly being called “gay” or “faggot,” oftentimes by the people he thought were his friends. He tries to ignore them, but it doesn’t stop them. He tries to debate them, but it doesn’t stop them. So far, it hasn’t gone beyond name-calling, but I worry. I showed him your site the day it went live. He sat down and watched the video that you and Terry put up. Since then, I have seen him checking the site out on his own. I don’t know if he is gay, but I do know that your message has touched him. Although he does confide that four years is still a long time to wait for things to get better. I think that seeing so many other people say the same thing holds much more weight than having his mother tell him. So thank you again for sharing.
A Concerned Mom
In the last two weeks, we’ve learned of five more teenagers who were being bullied and took their own lives: Cody Barker, age 17, of Shiocton, Wisconsin; Asher Brown, age 13, of Houston, Texas; Seth Walsh, age 13, of Tehachapi, California; Tyler Clementi, age 18, the Rutgers University student who jumped off the George Washington Bridge; and Raymond Chase, age 19, a student in Providence, Rhode Island. Their deaths come after the suicides of Justin Aaberg, age 15, of Anoka, Minnesota, and Billy Lucas, age 15, of Greensburg, Indiana.
Hundreds of LGBT people all over the world have uploaded videos to the It Gets Better Project’s YouTube channel in an effort to bring hope to kids who are being bullied because they are gay or perceived to be gay. People are sharing their stories and letting these kids know that it gets better. By the time you read this, the videos at the IGBP will have been viewed, collectively, more than a million times. Go to www.itgetsbetterproject.com to see the videos or to upload one of your own.
Four years is a long time to wait, ACM, and what about making things better right now? Gay, lesbian, bi, and trans activists, inspired by the IGBP, have launched the Make It Better Project. Events are planned for all over the country between now and October 11, which is National Coming Out Day, to raise awareness of the problem and to push for legislative action now, like the immediate passage of the Safe Schools Improvement Act and the Student Non-Discrimination Act. You can learn more about events in your community—and
how you can help to make it better now—at www.makeitbetterproject.com.
I’m thinking NRTS’s husband might have been turned on by the control aspect as much as, or maybe even more than, the cuckolding aspect. Because when he “made” her do it by getting her drunk and convincing her to fuck another guy, he thought it was hot. But when she went and fucked another guy of her own volition, he was no longer pleased. NRTS went from a submissive fuck toy to an autonomous slut (and I mean this in the most sex-positive way–nothing wrong with being a slut or a sex toy) and suddenly he was not pleased by having her fuck other men.
I’ve been in the same situation as NRTS (although I wasn’t drunk for the first threesome). We resolved my husband’s discomfort by video taping some of our solo sessions for him to watch later. That way he felt like he was in some way a part of what went on, and he got a thrill out of it, too. He even made suggestions of what he wanted to see on the next tape. Of course that involves the risk of someone seeing the tape, but we’ve managed to keep things under wraps for over a year and a half, so it can be done.
Keep up the good work! The It Gets Better Project is something that is sorely needed in this country (which claims to be tolerant but obviously isn’t)
For ACM, I think your post called “Email” (http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…) should be required reading and listening (to the radio link) for all straight parents out there, especially ones who think their kids “might” be gay. Since ACM says she doesn’t know if her son is gay, that suggests she hasn’t talked to him about it directly, and as the person discovered in the “Email” post, assuming your kid will come to you can be a mistake. Just like kids need to hear “I love you” on a regular basis, they also need to hear you’ll love and support them no matter what, including whatever their sexual orientation is. ACM should tell her son this tonight, and see if there are any magnet schools that he could attend for high school.
An excerpt from an interview with Malcolm Gladwell, author or The Tipping Point. In the book he states that when people read about, for example, a suicide, it almost gives them a sort of “permission” to act. Anyway, interesting read.
One of the things I explore in the book is that ideas can be contagious in exactly the same way that a virus is. One chapter, for example, deals with the very strange epidemic of teenage suicide in the South Pacific islands of Micronesia. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, Micronesia had teen suicide rates ten times higher than anywhere else in the world. Teenagers were literally being infected with the suicide bug, and one after another they were killing themselves in exactly the same way under exactly the same circumstances. We like to use words like contagiousness and infectiousness just to apply to the medical realm. But I assure you that after you read about what happened in Micronesia you’ll be convinced that behavior can be transmitted from one person to another as easily as the flu or the measles can. In fact, I don’t think you have to go to Micronesia to see this pattern in action. Isn’t this the explanation for the current epidemic of teen smoking in this country?
I’ve been in the same situation as NRTS and we dealt with my husband’s discomfort by giving him video tapes of some of our solo sessions. That way he felt like he was still a part of what went on and he got a thrill out of it later. He also suggested things he wanted to see on the next tape. Of course that means risking someone else seeing the video, but we’ve kept it under wraps for a year and a half, so it can be done.
“Man in T-shirt”. Hee hee
@2: A pity, indeed.
Re NRTS – I find it helpful (and fun!) to fuck my husband each and every time I come home from fucking someone else. Often, I fuck him before I head out the door, too. Basically, we’re doing it at least once a day, plus whatever happens with the other guys.
If you were only having sex once a week before all this started, and now the other guy is getting that sex, and your husband has to wait weeks for his turn — well, he’s going to be pissed off about that, understandably.
Also, NRTS, if you really like sex with other guys, try talking about it in bed with your husband. If he’s hard when he thinks about it, that will help reinforce the idea that he likes this.
Try bringing him along too. With his penis in your vagina, he’ll appreciate more the idea that some other guy’s penis is in your mouth. (Or vice versa, you get the idea.)
Apropos of absolutely nothing in this week’s column: Don’t forget, everyone, there’s still plenty of time to jack or jill off to Christine O’Donnell before the general election. In support of this worthy cause, I have created a little bit of fan fiction, which I hope will put some lead in your pencil or cream in your jeans! Please read at http://shutyoureverlovingpiehole.wordpre… and leave a comment telling me how you liked it. This is not my first attempt at erotica, but it is the first piece I’ve shared with the interwebs. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it!
@6- Except gay teens offing themselves has been going on consistently at this rate for decades. It only *looks* like a copy-cat epidemic because someone’s FINALLY noticing, been able to publicize it and did something about it.
Thanks, Dan.
Longtime reader & fan of Savage Love, but have never posted until now.
I’m straight, I fit into the mold of a typical woman, and I’ve never experienced bullying – but the “It Gets Better” project brought tears to my eyes. It’s absolutely beautiful to see people from all over the world getting together to send messages of hope.
I read a lot of things in the news that cause me to lose a little faith in humanity, and things like this project restore it. Wonderful, wonderful idea, I truly believe it will change the lives of some people.
Dan it is time to take the It Gets Better project to the people who can make it better: the Principals of the US high schools. This is the website for the National Assocation of Secondary Schools Principals.
http://www.principals.org/
It is time for principals to face the question of why is high school SUCH a miserable experience for so many people, especially but not only gay teens.
Have at it and good luck.
And on a lighter note… Damned if it ain’t Dan as “Man Wearing T-shirt” on the Wikipedia page. Funny, but too anonymous…
@12 Masturbating to the image of someone you find contemptible/fear/hate… How does that work? I don’t find this sex-positive behavior at all. The mere thought of it makes me limp, in fact.
I actually wonder if such a campaign does nothing other than further O’Donnell’s own anti-masturbation agenda? I just hope I’m wrong and it doesn’t result in any permanent sexual dysfunction, frigidity, and/or anorgasmia.
Now excuse me while I pick a random DVD out of my porn collection…
On a lighter note…. Damned if that ain’t Dan as “Man Wearing T-shirt.” on Wikipedia. Cute, but too anonymous….
@17: You can always masturbate in “honor” of her, without actually masturbating *to* her…
I think Dan might be giving “Not Ready To Stop” too much credit, when he seems to assume that her husband is still her top priority.
Seems to me like her top priority is her own enjoyment.
I had seen your picture on that T-shirt wiki entry before and laughed!
Great column, Man in T-shirt!
@15 I think you might be onto something. In light of recent events, I kept wondering how I lucked out so much in high school. It wasn’t perfect, but I’m floored when I recall how diverse and accepting it was – and this was in NORTH TEXAS. (I was one of the quiet, invisible kids, though, so I’m sure I was oblivious to some of the hostility.) You reminded me, though, that my school had an amazing principal. He really did put a lot of effort into helping students have a good experience. One of my friends started a GSA club our junior year, and the principal sat in on the first meeting to show his support. He was what a principal should be, and I agree that those absentee principles need to step up or get out.
@NRTS: Let me restate your thesis, only finishing the sentence with the part you left off:
“He opened the door, and I don’t want to close it EVEN THOUGH WHAT I’M DOING NOW MAKES HIM UNHAPPY“
Did you spot the problem?
#11: “try talking about it in bed with your husband. If he’s hard when he thinks about it, that will help reinforce the idea that he likes this. “
Or it might kill his boner completely, ruining what sex life the two of them do still have, and give him the idea that even when she is with him, her mind and heart are straining towards the idea of fucking the other guy. Not something that a guy who is feeling insecure about his place in his wife’s heart is going to want to hear.
Personally, I’m not convinced he has a genuine cuckold fetish. I think maybe some person or some fiction persuaded him it would be hot, but he discovered the reality didn’t match the fantasy — particularly the part where he figures out that his wife is into sex with other men more than she is into sex with him FOR REAL.
The first time, he was totally into the idea, and she had to be talked into it. The second time, it seems from the description that he was somewhat less thrilled about the idea but she took it and ran with it. That may well have been alarming to him right there, but it went even farther. Both the first and second times, he was at least present and a participant. (Threesomes ain’t cuckolding.) The third time, and the times after that, he wasn’t even a factor. It isn’t an easy thing, being incrementally ejected from your spouse’s sexual interest. It isn’t about about indulging his fantasy any more, and you aren’t being the GGG wife, NRTS. At this point, you are sleeping around because you want to, and how he feels about it be damned.
I see a set of divorce papers fluttering their way towards your kitchen table, unless you figure out how to once again make him your first priority — which your letter pretty clearly demonstrates is NOT the case at the moment — and you figure out how to enjoy lavishing your sexual energy strictly on him again, just like you used to before that door was opened. (You did lavish sexual energy on him before, right?)
That, and be prepared to possibly have that door stay closed for good, and have that be okay. I disagree with Dan about telling him that you would prefer that door stays open. Even if you never act on it again, and honor that commitment, it is going to feel as if you WANT the other guy more than you want him. He is not going to feel secure about it, or about you. Continue to pull on that leash, and he may well sever it.
I think it’s a real sign of progress that we can now list the suicides. When I was coming up then coming out, we just had a statistic (as high as 1 in 5 attempting suicide). It does get better. And it’s a great project that’s been a long time coming. One suicide is one too many, but I think it’s worth saying, not only will it get better, but it already has… to a point. Not there yet by far, but I think it’s great we’re finally ready to fight this.
I completely agree with _1_ and his opinion on NRTS. There is a huge difference between making your partner to have sex with other man- what means that you are in control, and the partner is having sex for you (and in your presence, or records it for you) and the situation NRTS is describing- what is actually cheating on her husband. The question is if the first case is still cuckolding, and if not- if it has a special name 🙂
@13: while it’s been going on for years, it hasn’t been so widely publicized, has it? The more completed suicides are publicized and talked about, the more depressed and bullied teens might think suicide is an option. That’s why there are often “copy-cat” responses to school shootings, for example.
I hope the next teen who is bullied–for whatever reason–and who is contemplating suicide finds “it gets better”. Dan, this project is beautiful.
@Brooklyn Reader (17): Fair enough. I know that’s what some people will think. However, even though they may not find the subject herself jackworthy, they may find some gratification in the anal rape scene or the forced piercing scene. I tried to work in a little something for everyone. 🙂
Who on earth Googles the history of T-shirts??
Is Dan on vacation this week? (It is his birthday after all) – I ask because the response to NRTS seems much more mature and sensible than he usually gives. I expected him to say something like “continue to fuck your husband’s friend, but take steps to keep your husband from finding out; this will satisfy everyone, including the cuckold.”
I’ve got a son who may or may not be gay – he’s fifteen and has not committed himself, which is fine to me – let him have the time to figure out what he feels and who he feels it for.
However, he also has some special needs and is very geeky, and he has been in some schools relentlessly bullied.
There’s been little effective help from the schools.
My plan from here on in is that bullying will be treated as the crime it is – restraining orders and charges as appropriate. These kids are committing crimes – harassment and assault, and if the parents and the schools will not end the problem, I must find a way to protect my son.
I wanted to say that though your series focuses specifically on LGBT kids, it’s true for any bullied child – it DOES get better. My son appreciates the message, regardless of his sexual orientation.
He does have two gay uncles whom he refers to as his Super Uncles, after the theory of gay super uncles. 🙂 And they also tell him it get better – you can leave high school and never look back once you’re done with it.
Thank you for what you’re doing. Thank you for the new link today. Thank you for helping all the parents who feel so helpless have another way to help.
I’d like to applaud all of the NRTS commenters today (at least so far) for their excellent contributions. Good advice on making it work, good perspective on the minefield of skirting the kink/infidelity borderline, and I was really taken by the theory in #1, and am able to relate directly. I am a man that suffered through a wife’s infidelity, and without getting into the horrid details lets just say it hurt me very deeply. In the nauseating months after, when I would seek to escape for awhile by masturbating, images of my wife with the other man would inevitably creep into my mind. This would end my arousal. It became a problem. I found that as a workaround I could insert myself into that situation in a fantasy, and the idea of using my wife as a fucktoy with some other guy was bankable jerk material. I even got to work out some of the violent urges I had toward her due to my anger, letting these fantasy scenarios get into dark areas of humiliation and punishment. Because it’s true – for at least some men (including me), and I suspect many men in the world, sexual arousal is tied at a very fundamental level to physical ownership, control, power, possession. And when that control is challenged, anxiety and anger and even violence can result.
I also got the feeling NRTS’s hub may not be a true cuck; but rather more into double teaming his slut wife (which is super hot!). For cucks, it’s about the humiliation of his wife getting fucked despite his “objections”. Sounds like these aren’t “objections”; they are actual objections. In other words, a true cuck would be into the losing control part. I think if she follows Dan’s advice he’ll be steering her in that direction soon enough.
Also, Erica P’s comments (10 & 11) are SOFA KING HOT!
“Because it’s true – for at least some men (including me), and I suspect many men in the world, sexual arousal is tied at a very fundamental level to physical ownership, control, power, possession. And when that control is challenged, anxiety and anger and even violence can result.”
If violence results from having your “physical possession” of your wife’s body challenged, you’re a domestic abuser, not someone with a cuckholding fetish.
What a handsome man there in that t-shirt… makes me itch to go to Threadless.com right now.
Dan:
Thank you for It Gets Better. And thank you for printing ACM’s letter today. I was a bookish, non-athletic, non-religious male high school student, and I, too, was called a “faggot.” I was straight then – still am – I just wasn’t the right kind of manly, I guess. And you’re right as usual: it does get better. Today I have a wife I adore (and who is GGG to the max, BTW) who would never in a million years have married one of those troglodytes who used to make my life hell. To ACM: Unlike the boys from the football team, your son is learning important lessons about kindness and human dignity right now that will serve him well in the future. He will find someone who will love him and respect him; his tormentors will largely get what they deserve.
NTRS: Your husband offered you the privilege to fuck with other guys. Now, HE has the right to take away that privilege. He opened the door for you, now you must close it. However, if you don’t want to, there’s something else at play here: Were you a closeted bitch and this experience showed you that? Do you now love someone else more than your husband? Are you taking some kind of revenge on him or someone else? Is he still your first priority? If not, sadly for him, you must get out of there.
Re NTS, I am getting a strong whiff of “I need to be free, Dan Savage! Free to fly like the graceful, loving, sexual bird that I am! Fly high on the wings of my sexual freedom and womanhood! Give me permission, Dan, to fuck other men, while my (now quite clueless) husband keeps helping me pay bills, clean the house, run the kids around, and do all the boring shit that would otherwise get in the way of me flying on the wings of my pretty, pretty sexual freedom and womanhood…which is now increasingly given to people other than my husband.”
Dan is dead on. NTS, must stop fucking other men, if she wants to stay married.
If she doesn’t want to stop fucking other men, she must either get a happy, smiling husband to agree to that, or she should divorce him.
But lady, don’t lie (even by ommission) to him about not fucking other guys and don’t badger him into acceptance of your desire to fuck other people; both of those actions makes you a cunt.
Yes, a cunt.
My guess is you will be a cunt about it, and this was an attempt at permission from the one person who might have given you permission.
@36, 37: I knew it was only a matter of time before the name-calling started.
FWIW, I agree that the husband’s kink might have been more about control than cuckolding, and that he may be insecure and feel threatened by how much his wife is enjoying fucking other men. And the letter sure sounded like a request for permission to keep doing what she wants to do even though she knows it makes her husband unhappy.
Lastly, the old phrase, “be careful what you wish for; you might just get it” comes to mind. They *have* walked through a door and what lay on the other side wasn’t what either of them expected to find.
They’ll need to work this out. Maybe they’ll divorce because of it. But comments venting other people’s anger on the letter writer, aren’t particularly useful, enlightening, or entertaining.
23 – He didn’t seem too concerned about potentially killing her lady-boner by first bringing up the subject of cuckolding, did he?
I agree that NRTS should stop having sex with other men for the moment, but I don’t see that she’s obligated to coddle her husband’s ego by pretending she’d never want to do so again. The fact that she enjoyed having sex with other men doesn’t mean that she likes it *more* than she likes sex with her husband, or that she doesn’t love him. Really, if he can’t handle that truth then it was spectacularly unwise of him to try and talk his wife into cuckolding in the first place (also, the fact that he “really had to talk her into it” suggests that he’s not all that sensitive when it comes to *her* feelings/ego).
36 – However, if you don’t want to, there’s something else at play here: Were you a closeted bitch and this experience showed you that? Do you now love someone else more than your husband? Are you taking some kind of revenge on him or someone else? Is he still your first priority? If not, sadly for him, you must get out of there.
Uh, you forgot the possibility that she just enjoys sexual variety. A lot of people do – and it is actually possible for a woman to have sex for reasons other than being a bitch, being in love, or wanting revenge.
NRTS’s husband sounds like a fucking control freak.
He works hard at getting his wife to fuck other people – even gets her drunk to do it, and then changes his mind when he finds out she actually likes it?!? It’s only ok if she DOESN’T like it?!
As 38 said, he did it to himself – he took her there. And now he wants to yank her back. Because of her acting on his desires, she’s discovered hers. Why does their sex life have to involve only what he wants? Why is she the only one that has to be GGG and he get to control it all?
If the shoe was on the other foot and the guy was the one that wanted to fuck other people, people would be telling the woman to get over it, quit being selfish and insecure, and let him fuck other people. Time and time again that has been the message in this column. Now, the woman finds she has needs, and she’s a CUNT?
Yup, the ol’ double standard.
@37:
He can badger her to fuck other people and that’s ok, but if she then were to badger him to keep fucking other people, she’s a cunt?
What a load of bullshit!!!
YOU MADE ME CRY. Stop it. I am trying to work here. How can I pop over to SLOG if I’m just going to cry at sweet messages from concerned moms in Kentucky.
Congrats Dan! It Gets Better Project is in the Seattle Times. The word is spreading!
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/lo…
@NRTS:
This seems rather simple, he wanted the two of you to try something new that he thought he would like, and after some prodding, you agreed. Whether this was cuckolding or threesomes really doesn’t matter, he was present both times it happened, and was probably part of the attraction. You then went ahead and started screwing one of his friends without him, and understandably, he has a problem with it. I’m sure you have rationalized it that he started this, and that you are doing it for him, but you are being selfish by not including him. Now he has asked you to stop screwing his friend without him, and to be honest, he shouldn’t have to ask. You went well beyond what he asked of you, and that is not GGG, you are cheating on him, and probably telling him it was his idea. The choice is simple, you choose your husband or the friend.
I approached my wife with a similar offer a few years ago, but with one stipulation, that I had to be there if anything happened with the third person, anything else would be considered cheating. She agreed, and to the best of my knowledge, she has never been with anyone else. But I know the thought that she could be with someone else with me watching is enough to get her motor purring sometimes…
Applause to A Concerned Mom. At least her child has a caring, loving parent. WAYWAYWAY TO GO Mom!!!
Huh. Am I the only who who sees a difference between threesomes and your wife fucking a guy alone? “He was OK with it at first” sounds like he was startled by her initiative, decided to step back because he considered him a cuckold (and we’re not even sure if this is a genuine cuckold?), but discovered he didn’t like it.
Her letter is a little barebones. How is she treating this? Does she give off an aura of emotional distance? Is she treating sex with Friend 2 as something including her husband (psychologically, at least), or is it just “Off for sex, bye, honey, don’t wait up”?
And what *exactly* about this is putting him off? He really needs to be clear about that. Has he realized he’s not a genuine cuckold? Is this a control issue? Is it boundaries? Is he feeling left out of the loop (e.g. he never knows when you’re having extra sex, so it’s starting to feel … “cheaty”)? Is he feeling like the sex between the two of you has suffered?
38; 42:
Just to be clear, same advice to a guy pulling this shit:
“But [buddy], don’t lie (even by ommission) to [her] about not fucking other [women] and don’t badger [her] into acceptance of your desire to fuck other people; both of those actions makes you a [dick].
Yes, a [dick].
My guess is you will be a [dick] about it, and this was an attempt at permission from the one person who might have given you permission.”
/eyeroll
It sounds to me like he asked her to do threesomes, not cuckolding. She probably resents that he pushed her into this, and is taking his disregard of her feelings out by trying to exercise similar disregard of his feelings with this sex with other guys alone thing, and trying to feel some power over him by doing it.
#5, it’s also quite possible that the reason she’s not sure if her son is gay is that, at 14, he’s not sure himself, and she doesn’t want to pressure him into defining himself before he’s ready.
A lot of LGBT people know very, very early what their sexual identity is, and a lot aren’t sure well into the teens or even twenties.
I have a thirteen year old, and I wouldn’t expect that kind of self-awareness, especially in an area that is still relatively new at that age.
Cut mom some slack, I think she’s communicating on the levels that count.
I’m not seeing evidence of cuckoldery ANYWHERE in the first letter. It sounds like her husband wanted to have a MMF threesome. Did he tell you he was a cuckold, NRTS? Or did you assume that because he wanted to have a threesome he was a cuckold? A threesome and cuckoldery have very little in common. I’m guessing you labeled your hubby’s desires as cuckoldery, not him, because being cuckolded means, by definition, that he wants to feel like you’re fooling him out of sex.
You are CHEATING on him if you went from MMF husband-inclusive threesome to side-fucking husband’s friend without asking husband’s permission first.