I’m a 32-year-old female engaged to a 34-year-old man. Some months ago, when we were both drunk,
he “got up the nerve” to show me some bestiality porn and tell me how
much the thought of me with a dog turns him on. He was absolutely
terrified that I would leave him over this but said he couldn’t hide it
anymore. I was pretty inebriated at the time, and I didn’t say much. We
continued to watch dog-on-girl porn, which I can’t say turned me off,
but mainly because it turned him on so much.

Since then, he has brought up this subject
when he’s inebriated. I’ve told him that as long as this remains a
fantasy, I won’t make an issue of it. I also told him that when I am
sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable and that it exploits the animal
involved. He argued what I’m sure a lot of people into bestiality
believe: It isn’t cruelty or abuse if it’s a male dog doing what comes
instinctively to that dog. He also told me that he once had a
girlfriend who allowed a dog into their sex life, him as a voyeur, her
as a participant in full-on sex with the animal. At that point I
changed the subject and we had good old vanilla sex with no more talk
of dogs, but he was really turned on. I love this man a lot and in
every other way our lives are wonderful. We have also both cut back on
drinking in the past month—this is a commitment we have made to
each other.

The questions I have are these: Is just the
fact that he is/we are watching this kind of porn animal abuse? Can
this really remain just a fantasy for him, or will he seek this out
again, especially since he has had it before? Bestiality is one of the
fetishes you disapprove of, Dan, but I have no one else to ask about
this.

Dog Day Shafternoon

Yes, DDS, I disapprove of
bestiality—because, well, ick. And that, as anonymous
dog-fuckers have pointed out to me repeatedly over the years, is the
same logic homophobes use to justify their bigotry. But when I go on
the record about bestiality—and I’m always con—I go out of
my way to throw the animal lovers a bone: If I were a sheep, I’d
certainly rather be screwed than stewed.

But still. Ick.

Seeing as I’m biased against
bestiality—particularly dog-fuckery, as I don’t understand how
people even keep dogs as pets—I’m going to recuse myself
for a few paragraphs.

“In most cases, the animal is willing and
able,” says Martin Weinberg, a professor in the Department of Sociology
at Indiana University who has studied zoophilia. “It is difficult and
dangerous to try and force an animal to do something it doesn’t want to
do,” adds Weinberg. “However, bestiality is against the law in many
states, even though I do not see it as abuse unless the animal is
physically forced.”

And then Dr. Weinberg makes an important
point, one that your fiancé needs to take to heart, one that you
might wanna have tattooed backward on his forehead the next time he
blacks out: “But if the girlfriend isn’t interested in watching it (or
in actually participating in the act), the man should be informed
that trying to force her into doing so is (to me) partner abuse.”
(Emphasis added.)

Catch that? While your boyfriend’s interests
may not qualify as animal abuse—and many would debate that
point—hounding you about it endlessly does qualify as
girlfriend/fiancée/wife abuse.

“The man this woman is talking about, as far
as we know, has never had sex with animals,” says Dr. Hani Miletski,
author of Understanding Bestiality & Zoophilia. “He just
likes to watch, which is very common. There are numerous sites online
that feature bestiality, and many curious people visit them often. For
some, it’s just curiosity.”

And for some, it’s so much more.

Will your boyfriend, in Dr. Miletski’s
opinion, be able to let this fantasy remain a fantasy? Or will he seek
it out again?

“It’s always difficult to predict what the
future will bring,” says Dr. Miletski, “but my guess is that he will
always use the idea of bestiality as a part, probably a major part, of
his sexual fantasy. He will probably try to get his current girlfriend
to act it out… but if she doesn’t feel comfortable with that, she
should continue to do and say what she has already done and said.”

I know what I would do and say: If my
partner could only get it up while images of dogs fucking my ass danced
in his head, that would be a deal breaker. But you’re more
compassionate or tolerant or indulgent than I am, DDS, and you sound
inclined to stay with this guy. And when drunk, DDS, you sound like you
might be tempted to give your fiancé what he wants. (“I can’t
say [it] turned me off, but mainly because it turned him on so much,”
“when I am sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable.”) So here’s how
things are gonna play out if you stay with this dude: He’s going to
bring this up again and again, and his commitment to cutting back on
booze will be undermined—perhaps fatally—by what booze
allows him to do, i.e., lower his inhibitions enough to go there, and
by what booze allows you to do, i.e., contemplate fucking dogs with
some level of comfort.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t stay. But you
gotta know what you’re signing up for: At the very least, you will be
indulging him in dog-on-girl—or dog-in-girl or
dog-in-you—dirty talk on a regular basis. And he will live
in hope that, if you talk about this long enough, if he gets drunk and
begs you often enough and can manage to get you drunk enough, you will,
one day, go there.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I love my husband. But he
won’t eat it. Absolutely won’t lick me down there. I do everything for
him! We’ve even started ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass
while I blow him. I’ve explained to him that I can’t come—not
hard!—without it. He insists that he never will go there, and he
has accused me of trying to make him do something totally against his
moral code. I’m distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him!
What do I do?

Unlicky In Love

Cheat on him already, UIL.

And while you’re online searching for a man
who’ll go down on you, UIL, I’m going to go online and Google “moral
codes.” I’m curious about this mysterious moral code your husband
cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but
forbids cunnilingus entirely. I know it’s not a Catholic thing—I
was an altar boy—but maybe it’s a Mormon delusion, like magic
underpants and coffeephobia and “Mitt Romney 2012.”

mail@savagelove.net

123 replies on “Savage Love”

  1. I’m guessing you’ll be ranting (and rightfully so) about the Prop 8 results next week, Dan? If not, I’d be terribly disappointed.

  2. Swag: How is that not sexist? I’m citing Happylingus’ Soprano’s reference there.
    If UIL reads Savage Love, she knows the package: Oral comes standard, if not, the return the defective model. aka DTMF! If he hasn’t put out in 15 years, he ain’t puttin’ out!

    A word about dogs:
    Dogs generally “mount” for dominance. Alpha dogs mount other dogs to prove their “top dog” status. Dogs view their human companions as their alpha-dogs. Allowing a dog to mount you undermines your authority over the dog. A dog that does not see you as his master is a dog that won’t heel on the leash, that expects to lead, not follow, and is more likely to lash out when you attempt to take control, because you told him that HE’S alpha.
    While I understand animals, especially dogs, are all more than willing (and /not/ fucking 12-year-old children.), and thus not physically abusive, it’s probably very confusing and stressful, especially for dogs with independent temperaments and strong individual personalties.

  3. AJ, is it not possible that a man would desire to watch a dog mount his woman but never let that dog mount him? Seems to me that would establish a comfortable hierarchy of alpha man>dog and alpha dog>woman.

    Not that I support bestiality but your argument is flawed. Even a dumbass dog knows the difference between different people.

  4. I’m with Gregg. I was with a woman for 8 years and never relished pussy- I wasn’t out yet. Now I munch asshole and can’t get enough. I KNOW that if I were straight, I’d be pussy munching like Orange.
    Caveat on the clean issue tho- I don’t munch stinky asshole and I wouldn’t munch stinky pussy.

  7. haha.. happyhedonist is right on the spot. dog fucking a woman and it is the dog that’s getting abused????
    that might be something very american, worrying more about the animal… here in old fashioned europe it is the person who’s being abused what we care about. anyway, just don’t get fucked by a dog… unless you’re into it of course. ICK.
    and what’s with the other lass’ husband?? get him to get down on you already. I personally would stop going down on him or pleasuring him altogether…

  9. If ever an excuse was needed to justify premarital sex it’s the old “he won’t go there” crap. If something is this vital, and I’m certainly not saying it shouldn’t be, to your sexual pleasure you really should have known it before you got married. I say, show him the couch and tell him there is a quick and easy way back into bed via the Y highway.

  10. UIL, Im a female and I would more then love to go down on you.

    My suggestion is you find yourself a hot girlfriend on the side. Most men I know would love to see their girl get some play time with another girl. Maybe it wont feel like cheating as much if you go with a girl who loves the pussy and not a man.

  11. That whole “it’s your right so throw down the ultimatum of eat it our yer outta here” is truly a fallacy. Sex acts aren’t a matter of “rights”, they’re a matter of what feels good crossed with what everybody in the equation is comfortable doing. Guy doesn’t like to eat pussy. Perhaps there’s a really great reason for that, such as a mile-wide bush or not giving Little Kitty a good soaking from time to time or even that his old babysitter used to make him do that to her while she watched “The Young And The Restless”. Point is, Unlicked there hasn’t done her due diligence in talking with Pussy Shy Guy. That phrase “moral code” doesn’t enter into it and she needs to call him on THAT bullshit and get down to the nitty of the matter.

  12. Why are so many people suggesting she blackmail him in to eating her pussy.Even if she could she would still be stuck with an unwilling partner who probably is denying her lots of other things we don`t know about.Incompatible couples waste to much of their precious time trying to force issues when its so unnecessary.There are millions of people out their willing to please their partner.You dont have to stay stuck to one that wont……………brad

  13. Regarding the dog…
    What your response doesn’t mention is the humiliation aspect. The guy in question doesn’t want to “bring a dog into their relationship” – he wants to watch his woman get fucked by a dog, which is probably, in his mind, the ultimate humiliation, reducing a woman to less than an animal.
    The problem is that this isn’t role-play, and it isn’t only in the bedroom. If she goes there, she really, actually fucked a dog. It wasn’t just a fantasy,and you can’t take it back. That’s something she’d have to live with forever, long after this guy is out of her life.
    Yuck.

  15. Dan,

    I dont know if you have been watching whats been going on in california since the passage of prop 8 or seen the footage of police beating protesters in Los Angeles. But if there was ever a time to speak up for the rights of lebian and gay folks in this country…

  16. So let me check the facts

    …woman shouldnt give man what he wants because she thinks its wrong or icky….OK by Dan

    …man should give woman what she wants even though he thinks its icky…

    Am I the only one that sees that?

  17. dude.. if you really think that being fucked by a dog is equivalent to oral sex, I’m really, really glad I’m not your partner. Pretty sure if the genders were reversed Dan would give the same response.

  18. Does his wife *enjoy* giving him oral? If so then you’re comparing apples and oranges. She’s asking him to do something for her that he feels uncomfortable with in exchange for doing something for him that she actually enjoys. That’s not exactly fair.

    If she doesn’t enjoy giving B.Js, then she should by all means stop giving them.

    If all other aspects of their relationship are strong, I suggest getting some electronic toys that can help her come hard and use it before she goes down on him.

    Or better yet, learn some techniques (like woman on top with lots of oil) that make it easier to come hard during intercourse.

    I’m alarmed that so many people think she should cheat or dump her husband of 15 years because of a sex act that he obviously feels very strongly against doing. Would you even enjoy being serviced by someone who was so stressed and uncomfortable doing it?

    Cut the guy some slack, not everyone is comfortable with every sex act out there, standard or not. And she did marry him after all…knowing it wasn’t on the menu.

  19. Did he go down on his last girlfriend? Or the one before her? And have you had your rig in the shop for a tune up lately? Just checking.

    Otherwise, dump him. He’s probably gay.

  21. My BF, now husband, once made strong arguments against performing oral yet happily recieved it. Turned out it was because he didn’t know how and thought that real men don’t admit to sexual insecurities. He finally admitted to feeling bad about denying me, and was on some macho tip at the time. Instead of DTMFA, I simply said “If you don’t know how, I’ll show you” all gentle and sincere-like. 24 years and 2 kids later he’s still enthusiastically practicing his ‘new skill’. Maybe this helps you? Hope so. Good luck and cheers

  22. Dan> a safe and less-gross alternative to watching or god forbid engaging in dog fucking would be to read bestiality erotica. I suggest the woman check out Anais Nin.

  23. Junker- I can’t stand people like you. So on the outlook for discrimination (against men, from a gay man!) that you fail to recognize that oral sex is absolutely nothing like letting a dog penetrate you. Nasty!

    As for the LW, don’t do it! You’ll never be able to take it back! And he did it to a previous girlfriend? Yuck!!! He IS abusing you. How dare he allow the romance to go this far without revealing to you that he harbors such an extreme kink, which is impossible to fulfill without a dog penis in you. If he is comfortable with his kink, then he should be searching for sexual partners in bestiality groups and nowhere else. If I were you, I would resent the pressure, and the major deception.

  24. I agree- a pegged blowjob and he refuses to lick clit? I smell fag.
    Either that, or some bad tuna- maybe her pussy stinks? You’d be surprised how some women are the last to know.
    So have her shove something in there, and then sniff it real good, and ask herself:”would I eat this? and like it?”

  25. Dan
    those comments about black homophobia were pathetic and just plain dumb. Didn’t gay black people come out to vote for Obama AND against prop 8?

  26. Husband?????? She married a guy who wouldn’t go down on her? You knew what you were signing up for right? Or did the vows include oral?

    I’m all for tit for tat, and I think he’s wrong, but I still can’t believe she married him.

  27. To all you guys telling this woman to just suck it up-

    When you eventually get married and get stuck with women who will not fuck you after they pop out a couple of kids, remember this: it is entirely your fault. Your belief that women should have to go without sexual fulfillment when you’ve (supposedly) gotten yours makes you the worst lovers in the world. Learn to be an equal partner and learn how to be good in bed, or learn to deal with that hell of your own making.

  28. Okay, dog-fucking. I’m not for it. But I do agree with Dan’s advice. I don’t think that adult dogs can compare to human children. 1. They can hurt the crap out of you if they don’t want to do something. 2. They might not be possessed of full human faculties, but that doesn’t mean that human morality should be applied to them. If a dog is agreeable to sex with a human, that dog isn’t going to grow up scarred for life from that incident. Look at how many dogs go out of their way to hump humans without any instigation at all – the only morality a dog persues is to seek out what feels good. Humans used to be the same, just look at our closest relatives, the bonobo. Now we’ve risen to higher moral standards, the kind that allow some of us to say no to eating pussy, but dogs haven’t. So while I have no sexual interest in dogs myself and care a lot about animal rights, I just think that people who compare it to pedophilia are barking up the wrong tree. Okay, bad pun.

    As for the hubby’s refusal to eat pussy – why oh WHY did you marry him in the first place? You’ve told him what you need to have a good orgasm, and he refuses based on an utterly bogus “moral code.” I hope you don’t have kids or any other reason to feel obligated to stay with this guy, because you need to DTMFA big time. I especially question that he hides this behind a “moral code.” Is the pussy unclean in a Biblical sense? Is it an abomination upon the Lord to eat pussy? Have you ever asked him what exactly he finds immoral about pleasuring your pussy? Because it sounds like he has some other issue – traumatic pussy hygiene memories, missing a tongue, pure selfish laziness – that are the real reason that he doesn’t want to eat you, but that he’s too much of a scrotum to admit to. Instead he’ll hide it behind morality because, at least in his mind, a person’s moral code shouldn’t be challenged. That’s his way of trying to end the argument with you immediately. So DTMFA.

    If for some reason you are too attached to this asshole to want to resort to that, then stop, absolutely STOP giving him pleasure in any kind of way, and be VERY clear about why you’re doing this and what it will take for you to do anything for him again. Buy yourself a toy and make it obvious to him that you’re using it and enjoying it much more than his lousy lays – some guys can be motivated by the idea that a machine is outperforming them. And if he finally promises to eat your pussy, make him do that FIRST, and keep on that for quite some time as his punishment for refusing for so long. At the very first sign of relapse to his old ways, immediately go back to the punishments. But only give him so much time – if he won’t shape up, you really need to dump him. And please don’t do anything silly between now and then that might bind you to him further so that you can make a clean break if you have to. And please, please, PLEASE try it before you buy it next time.

  30. Hey UIL – i am one of those guys Dan mentions whose wife won’t let them munch even though they desperately want to. Plenty of us are out there, find one of us……

  31. UIL, I can tell you what your husbands “moral code” is… Selfish prickishness. You need to make it clear to him that no goodies for you means no goodies for him. Or even better, DTMFA and find a guy that LOVES doing it and is all the other things you need too. We are out there…

  32. @Mr. K et al: Tolerance is not the same as respect. I tolerate Mormons – despite my rage over their support (even if only by tithing to the Church) for prop 8, I have not given into my urge to go hunting for a Mormon to curbstomp. But I don’t respect them, because they aren’t worthy of my respect. It’s as simple as that.

  35. to UIL
    I find it hard to believe a normal man is not turned on by cunnilingus. Must be sumpin wrong with this guy. I mean when you feel those thighs squeeze your ears and hear those yummy sounds, all the while you have fingers running through your hair!!!. Yes, I have found a couple gals who are not “fresh” but the majority of women seem to take exceptional care of their birds. Could you maybe show this guy some porn where he can see how sexy this is ??
    sboy

  37. Jane,
    You are mistaken. Black folks came out in support of Obama AND Prop 8, by and large. There is a lot of homophobia among the AA population. Just because they are democrats does not mean they are ok with us fags and dykes. Ever heard of DL?

  40. Know it all, you owe me a new keyboard! Cooter-havers! Reminds me of the hilarious scene in Portnoy’s Complaint where he comes to the enlightenment that every single female on the planet has a pussy.

    As for the vaginaphobia that some gays are so want to display out loud, I think that is the gayest thing gays do, much more than feather boas or Broadway musicals or anything else. I’ve been in locker rooms with lots of cocks and I don’t jump up on a chair and squeal ‘Ewwww!’ and then faint. So gay, so gay.

  41. What’s with all the food and eating euphemisms people like to use for genitals and oral sex? Is it supposed to be sexy? I can’t get into it. If I had to name the first edible item that came to mind when going down on most women it would certainly not be a lollipop. Sorry.

  42. Rachel gets a facepalm.jpg from me. It’s due to note that I titled it “A Word About Dogs…” not “Hey Chick This is What You Do…”; It was a /general/ statement, directed at any dogfuckers in the room who want to pip up with “the dog likes it, its totally ok!”

    To be /specific/, if the dude wants to bang her, AND have the dog bang her, that makes him competition. Dogs fuck to breed; another “dog”[the dude] becomes a challenger. So, no, the dog might not see the guy as the alpha, but some chump mounting “his bitch”; specifically when you get to larger, more independent dogs.

    True, they might get a submissive dog, but again: If you think that screwing around with the dog will only have “ICK!” consequences for /you/, remember that the way your dog sees it it totally different.

  43. Just dipping my toes into the ocean with reading all the comments to a weekly sex collumn. (91 so far) Seems like a daunting task,untill you become patient like when panning for gold, and the few little nuggets start adding weigth forming a clear concensus.
    The ones I have found (so far)are in my personal opinion:
    A-Both topics clearly show that any relatioship most heavely depents on equal repect and consent.
    B-For me, this immediately flags any sex involving animals as gross animal abuse!! And where a partner is co-erced into participation, as partner abuse!!
    C-If you have to question anything about this, I would say: “Don’t even concidder it and say NO!!
    D-The other topic, also with a lot of retoric, tipped the scale with a bang, applies to both.
    SPEND LOTS OF TIME TOGETHER DOING EVERYTHING AND A LOT OF SEX!!
    (minimum 2 years)TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE COMPATIBLE BEFORE MARIAGE.
    Sex and love are 2 different things, but equally important.

  44. Nothing DDS said suggested that she was being pressured or coerced into fucking a dog. Dan, your beastiophobia has tainted your response. This guy has a fantasy about his girl and a dog, but he’s able to have “vanilla” sex with her while not talking about it. I don’t know about you, but when I get schnockered I get a bit kinky too. He brought it up before they got married, so I’d say he was being more honest than not. Unless there was parts of the letter that you saw and we didn’t, she did not say that he “could only get it up” by fantasizing about his bitch and a dog. You surmised that cuz you don’t approve of his fantasy. There is no indication that he coerced his former dogfucking gf into that. Maybe that was her gig and that’s how he got into it. Finally, you think that their lowered inhibitions and, thus, the greater possibility of dogfucking will guide the couple’s sobriety, when, in fact, being more sober more often may just allow the fantasy to remain a fantasy. C’mon, Dan. Give the guy a break. i’m sure you do some kinky shit that DDC’s mother would think was icky. And I’m sure you’ve fantasized about worse. But sometimes a fantasy is just a fantasy.

  46. Back when I was a pussy-eating neophyte, the strength of the taste and smell sometimes put me off… though I was obsessed enough to do it anyways… but now I know the experience is best for me after my partner comes out of the shower, and when she’s ovulating, I can’t get enough. Maybe approach him then? —

  48. Anyone who refers to his/her crotch as “down there” is going to scare her boyfriend away from it. Who would want to lick something that the owner refused to name?

  49. Hey Carib – Don’t get the keyboard comment but as the only person who responded to my post, I must respond.

    Gay ain’t the issue here. Misogyny is. Being turned off or disinterested in something is one thing, openly relishing or downright celebrating your disgust toward it is another.

    A lot of women–not all, not all–straight, lesbian, bisexual, pan sexual, yadda, yadda, yadda, are disgusted by vaginas.

    Love the cooter, or well, at least don’t disparage it. Mine has been good to me. Everybody got here via the cooter. It’s the cosmic highway.

  50. Dear Dog Day–

    It might be too obvious to mention, but the “turn-on” in these beastiality scenarios is the ultimate degradation of the woman.

    Specifically, this guy gets wood over the idea that you are SO eager to please him that you will submit to being fucked by a DOG. He can sit back and watch the slobbering thing scrabble on your back and hump away.

    This is D/S play on a purely psychological level– no whips and chains, just absolute dominance and submission. Are you ready for that?

    Any “pleasure” you demonstrate at this humping will be manufactured for his benefit. It is the ULTIMATE power trip; you will be lowering yourself to perhaps the greatest level of degradation when you offer up your vagina in this way.

    Will he meet your eyes, afterward? While you clean the dog semen out of yourself? Once you have submitted to being mounted by his dog, will you ever be able to refuse his dominance again? What happened to his ex-girlfriend, once he had triumphed over her so completely? Did he ever put his dick in her again?

    I’d be shocked if other forms of dominance/submission play aren’t also on this guy’s menu, and I’ll bet they have manifested before, despite the “vanilla” sex you describe. Probably, as you indicated, when he is drunk.

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