I’m a 32-year-old female engaged to a 34-year-old man. Some months ago, when we were both drunk,
he “got up the nerve” to show me some bestiality porn and tell me how
much the thought of me with a dog turns him on. He was absolutely
terrified that I would leave him over this but said he couldn’t hide it
anymore. I was pretty inebriated at the time, and I didn’t say much. We
continued to watch dog-on-girl porn, which I can’t say turned me off,
but mainly because it turned him on so much.
Since then, he has brought up this subject
when he’s inebriated. I’ve told him that as long as this remains a
fantasy, I won’t make an issue of it. I also told him that when I am
sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable and that it exploits the animal
involved. He argued what I’m sure a lot of people into bestiality
believe: It isn’t cruelty or abuse if it’s a male dog doing what comes
instinctively to that dog. He also told me that he once had a
girlfriend who allowed a dog into their sex life, him as a voyeur, her
as a participant in full-on sex with the animal. At that point I
changed the subject and we had good old vanilla sex with no more talk
of dogs, but he was really turned on. I love this man a lot and in
every other way our lives are wonderful. We have also both cut back on
drinking in the past month—this is a commitment we have made to
each other.
The questions I have are these: Is just the
fact that he is/we are watching this kind of porn animal abuse? Can
this really remain just a fantasy for him, or will he seek this out
again, especially since he has had it before? Bestiality is one of the
fetishes you disapprove of, Dan, but I have no one else to ask about
this.
Dog Day Shafternoon
Yes, DDS, I disapprove of
bestiality—because, well, ick. And that, as anonymous
dog-fuckers have pointed out to me repeatedly over the years, is the
same logic homophobes use to justify their bigotry. But when I go on
the record about bestiality—and I’m always con—I go out of
my way to throw the animal lovers a bone: If I were a sheep, I’d
certainly rather be screwed than stewed.
But still. Ick.
Seeing as I’m biased against
bestiality—particularly dog-fuckery, as I don’t understand how
people even keep dogs as pets—I’m going to recuse myself
for a few paragraphs.
“In most cases, the animal is willing and
able,” says Martin Weinberg, a professor in the Department of Sociology
at Indiana University who has studied zoophilia. “It is difficult and
dangerous to try and force an animal to do something it doesn’t want to
do,” adds Weinberg. “However, bestiality is against the law in many
states, even though I do not see it as abuse unless the animal is
physically forced.”
And then Dr. Weinberg makes an important
point, one that your fiancé needs to take to heart, one that you
might wanna have tattooed backward on his forehead the next time he
blacks out: “But if the girlfriend isn’t interested in watching it (or
in actually participating in the act), the man should be informed
that trying to force her into doing so is (to me) partner abuse.”
(Emphasis added.)
Catch that? While your boyfriend’s interests
may not qualify as animal abuse—and many would debate that
point—hounding you about it endlessly does qualify as
girlfriend/fiancée/wife abuse.
“The man this woman is talking about, as far
as we know, has never had sex with animals,” says Dr. Hani Miletski,
author of Understanding Bestiality & Zoophilia. “He just
likes to watch, which is very common. There are numerous sites online
that feature bestiality, and many curious people visit them often. For
some, it’s just curiosity.”
And for some, it’s so much more.
Will your boyfriend, in Dr. Miletski’s
opinion, be able to let this fantasy remain a fantasy? Or will he seek
it out again?
“It’s always difficult to predict what the
future will bring,” says Dr. Miletski, “but my guess is that he will
always use the idea of bestiality as a part, probably a major part, of
his sexual fantasy. He will probably try to get his current girlfriend
to act it out… but if she doesn’t feel comfortable with that, she
should continue to do and say what she has already done and said.”
I know what I would do and say: If my
partner could only get it up while images of dogs fucking my ass danced
in his head, that would be a deal breaker. But you’re more
compassionate or tolerant or indulgent than I am, DDS, and you sound
inclined to stay with this guy. And when drunk, DDS, you sound like you
might be tempted to give your fiancé what he wants. (“I can’t
say [it] turned me off, but mainly because it turned him on so much,”
“when I am sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable.”) So here’s how
things are gonna play out if you stay with this dude: He’s going to
bring this up again and again, and his commitment to cutting back on
booze will be undermined—perhaps fatally—by what booze
allows him to do, i.e., lower his inhibitions enough to go there, and
by what booze allows you to do, i.e., contemplate fucking dogs with
some level of comfort.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t stay. But you
gotta know what you’re signing up for: At the very least, you will be
indulging him in dog-on-girl—or dog-in-girl or
dog-in-you—dirty talk on a regular basis. And he will live
in hope that, if you talk about this long enough, if he gets drunk and
begs you often enough and can manage to get you drunk enough, you will,
one day, go there.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
I love my husband. But he
won’t eat it. Absolutely won’t lick me down there. I do everything for
him! We’ve even started ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass
while I blow him. I’ve explained to him that I can’t come—not
hard!—without it. He insists that he never will go there, and he
has accused me of trying to make him do something totally against his
moral code. I’m distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him!
What do I do?
Unlicky In Love
Cheat on him already, UIL.
And while you’re online searching for a man
who’ll go down on you, UIL, I’m going to go online and Google “moral
codes.” I’m curious about this mysterious moral code your husband
cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but
forbids cunnilingus entirely. I know it’s not a Catholic thing—I
was an altar boy—but maybe it’s a Mormon delusion, like magic
underpants and coffeephobia and “Mitt Romney 2012.”
The creation of marriage was to establish the notion that women were property of men. ( See dowry ) There’s nothing sacred or holy about it. So people are upset they can’t participate in a sexist, mysoginistic ritual from the Ancient Book of Fairy Tales. Live in the modern world and move on.
Red –
I would also add that marriage was created as a way to guarantee ownership over a man’s offspring. By offspring, I mean workers to help support the family–hence the tremendous sanctions against infidelity.
That said, in the contemporary world, marriage confers a whole slew of legal rights as well as social privileges and meanings–patriarchal, misogynistic or not.
On a practical level, I’d think that most of us would like to be able to be in the hospital room with a dying partner and have the power to make important decisions on her/his behalf if need be, and vice versa, for example (Please correct me if I’m mistaken here.)
I say this as a woman who has had a male partner for the past eleven years and does not plan to marry. I and my partner, however, could cash in on our heterosexual privilege by getting married at any time, should one of us become terminally ill.
I understand why others would want/need to marry. The right to be at your dying partner’s side is only one of many reasons. Yes, it’s a right that shouldn’t be attached to marriage (viva la patriarchy) but it is. Detaching that right from the institution of marriage would be a much more difficult fight than the right for same sex couples to marry.
It’s a lot easier to walk away from mainstream cultural institutions when you’re young and healthy.
Happy Hedonist’s comment shouldn’t be taken seriously because it’s very likely he/she was abused and/or exploited into making it. Seriously, nobody could seriously believe that shit of their own free will.
I was in the same boat a UIL for years! The few times my ex-husband ate my pussy he looked like he was going to GAG! I made him stop. Sex got worse after that. Why did I marry him? B/c he had many other good attributes and I was too young and dumb to know better. However, his self-centeredness– as evident by the lack of licking– overran all of the good. I am in the process of divorcing him. I am now with a man who loves to lick and fuck me with my vibrator. He HOLDS BACK until *I* cum. And, he’s everything I would want in a life partner: smart, sexy, funny, responsible, etc.
UIL – offer to your hubby to use a dental dam or a condom split open like a dam. Offer flavored lubes. If he still says no, then he doesn’t really care about your emotional well-being. Take it from someone who has been there: LEAVE HIM. I bet if you think hard enough, he neglects you in other ways, too.
About the guy with the dog-sex fetish… Let me tell you how fetishes work. If he gets turned on by his fetish now, he will keep focusing on it. Over time, he won’t be able to get erect without the thoughts about the fetish. Therefore, whether you go there or not, he will always think these thoughts, unless he’s committed to stopping, and it doesn’t sound like he is. So, there are only three choices here: he’s going to give up on this fetish (unlikely), he’s going to limit himself to just thinking about it (is that likely?), or he keeps pressuring you to give in. Your choices are: give in, leave him. One or the other will happen, so might as well happen sooner. Personally, I’d DTMFA. You can do better.
Hello, this is DDS.
Your responses have been interesting, and for the most part surprisingly thoughtful.
For the record, my fiance does not pressure me about this fetish. In all, I believe the topic has come up perhaps 3 times since he first told me about it. I have no intention of ever having sex with a dog, and he knows this. I don’t much mind the fantasy and talking about it, for the most part, except the idea that even watching bestiality porn could be considered animal abuse.
I just wanted to know peoples thoughts on whether even watching bestiality pornography was animal abuse, and whether people think that he will want his fantasy to become a reality again(as he DID have it in his past) to the point that he seeks it out, obviously, not with me, as I am not willing.
Thank you all, especially Dan.
DDS
oh gregg, i think you hit the nail on the head.. hhahaha
I know just how “rick” feels..I can’t stand to be in the same room with a faggot at any time, expecially since I learned that they find it “amusing” to share out with the rest of us, the myriad of germs and diseases that most are carrying around with them, such as E.coli, MRSA, VRE, Hepatitis A, and God alone knows what else.
I had a boyfriend like that, I dumped him and was glad I did. I agree, munching is standard fare. And BTW its only fair that if he is receiving (blowjobs), he should be willing to return the favor, its only fair and polite.
DCKathy, fetishes may work the way you dictate (or they may not) but not all fantasies or even all recurring fantasies are fetishes, despite the tendency to call them so around here. Over my sexual life I’ve had a very broad range of fantasies, including all kinds of sick and deviant and all kinds of vanilla. I focus on them for a while, let myself have what I need emotionally and sensorily from them, then they disappear. I am not chained to them forever, nor am I on a slippery slope of extremity. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but the more we talk like fantasies are permanent fixations, the more it SEEMS like they are.
Unwillingness to go down could indeed be connected to past sexual abuse – let’s not forget that it is EXTREMELY difficult for men in our culture to admit this has happened to them, so it would be one reason to make up bullshit excuses. My partner is erratic at best with the provision of ye olde tongue-lashings; it can feel scary and isolating for him. We’re working on it. Free and easy communication does NOT come with the territory for someone with this experience, but genuine attempts at honest communication are the dealbreaker here – and the foundation of some very deep, loving connection.
Tim James – having been blown by both women and men, I have to say that guys give the best head by far. That’s just been my experience.
I was taught in college if a guy won’t go down on you he’s probably gay. My boyfriend who wouldn’t go down on me turned out to be gay. She might consider that possibility as Gregg said too.
Dan, you are a total idiot. Period. You give shit advice, I bet you are shit in bed too. Not shit on your bed, as I’m sure you have to clean that up often, but shit in the sack! You tiny dicked, premature shootin’, fancy little man you. That’s why I want to fuck you so bad. But, who doesn’t??? I mean shit, you look like a retarded version of Mark Phelps. Yeah like the special olympics gold medalist in ass licking you are. Do you shave your ass lips, Danny? God I want you! Will you get a sex change for me? I want you to have an asshole installed where your mouth is. I mean, I know shit comes out of your mouth all the time, but it’s way too big to enjoy.
If he doesn’t go down on you…you should not go down on him. If he complains tell him it’s a two way street and if he wants a bj then you want to be licked. I disagree with the others who say you should cheat.
I am a bit disappointed that no one has suggested couples counseling for this married couple!
If the guy is pussy slurping phobic, it’s most likely due to some misinformation or previous bad experience. Sure, he could be gay…but let’s rule out the possibility that he’s just afraid of the unknown, first.
A good couples/sex counselor can help them stay married without the resentment and/or the cheating!
In the mean time, I hope she tells him what she really feels when he takes this stance — and that is that she is most likely hurt and feeling like there’s something WRONG with her.
She could get him in the shower and show him that her hot pocket is fresh and tasty, nothing to fear!
I’d also recommend that she does not cut off sex out of spite, it’s only going to make him more determined if he feels like she’s “forcing” him.
If the man loves her and wants to make her happy, he’ll learn to pleasure her in ways that work for both of them!
Cheating never solves anything and can only lead to heartbreak, if she finds that he’s unwilling to do any work on the relationship — THEN she can tell him that if he doesn’t put out, she’ll find someone who will. Many men have a fetish of their women having sex with other men, maybe he’s trying to set that up? Stranger things have happened!
Oh, I almost forgot!
She should go to her Gyn and determine that she doesn’t have any infection or beasties that might make her coochie smell/taste like roadkill.
If she’s healthy and clean, then there’s no reason he should not be willing to go there.
As far as the guy who fantasizes about beastiality –he’s acted it out before, so there’s no reason to expect that he won’t want to act it out with you.
Whatever the reason for this desire, she needs to decide if she wants to live with it and the possibility that he may eventually want her to act it out and if she refuses he may seek it outside the relationship.
Either way, she’d be smart to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about it and make her position very clear. If he doesn’t think he can live without, then she should NOT marry him!
As a gay man I fully understand not wanting to “eat at the Y”. Yuck, Ick! But some people don’t like certain sex acts. It’s unfair to claim tit for tat in this instance. Get a vibrator, use your finger. It will be alot worse if he gets sick and ralphs while eating pussy.
DDS – I’m glad to see that you followed up with a response clarifying your position and beliefs. I’m glad your bf does not pressure you about this, and he shouldn’t, if he ever does, dtmfa.
My opinion and belief about sex is that it should be between consenting adults. Animals are not able to give consent, period. Even if they seem like they enjoy it or are doing what comes “naturally”. Secondly, I wouldn’t want to be around any animal that has been conditioned to receive sexual gratification from interacting with humans. Dogs tend to hump what they want when they want to, try to explain that to the neighbors or your visiting niece. Additionally, there are other things to consider, like what you might catch from a sexual interaction with an animal.
I had a friend who was sexually abused as a child and what he hated most and was ashamed of was the part of himself that enjoyed parts of it and took pleasure in the orgasm – but no matter what – it was still child rape and it screwed him up plenty. So saying the animal enjoys it and therefore that makes it ok does not justify this to me. I could coerce a child into having sex with me and he may enjoy it(and plenty)and have an orgasm, but it’s still rape. Animals and children(and even the developmentally disabled)are simply not able to give consent, no matter what the circumstances or how much they seem to be enjoying it.
Basically, you have to decide what’s best for you, and what your beliefs and values are. If you are fine being with someone who enjoys bestialty, then so be it. If you believe it harms animals or is wrong(for whatever reason), then you should move on, and not remain in a relationship with someone whose basic belief structure is in direct conflict with yours.
good luck.
Wow. I never got around to commenting on this, but nobody stood in for me. Let me say this: I have no evidence, but DDS’s boyfriend sounds like just another het fratboy type with an interesting, if not particularly inventive fantasy life — he’s picked up an extreme fetish, but out of the subset of fairly ordinary porn with conventional gender roles (where, unfortunately, conventional gender roles tend to be about subjugation of women). I base this assumption on the fact that the kind of beastie action he’s looking for can be found by surfing no more than two clicks from any regular ‘Barely Legal’ site and not even pausing to put down the Budweiser.
If DDS cared to, there’s a creative solution to this problem that might satisfy her boy’s urges while also directing him into a healthier form of roleplay: She can agree to be fucked by “a dog,” but with one condition — *he* has to be the dog. Turn the tables, pull out the leash and the bowl, make him beg, and either he’ll turn out to appreciate the scenario (whether simply for being sufficiently “nasty” or on some deeper level), grow bored with the whole idea and move on to some new fixation, or reveal himself to only be interested in the subjugation aspects. (In this last case, if subjugation isn’t a shared interest, it’s a cue to DTMFA and wish him luck finding someone who actually enjoys that.) However it works out, DDS would get to stay in control, and the only doggy dick involved would be imaginary.
Look at it this way: if I’ve “pegged” her boy’s type, he’d probably swear up and down he’s not a “furry” — but he’d also be much easier to deal with if he were one.
Wow. I never got around to commenting on this, but nobody stood in for me. Let me say this: I have no evidence, but DDS’s boyfriend sounds like just another het fratboy type with an interesting, if not particularly inventive fantasy life — he’s picked up an extreme fetish, but out of the subset of fairly ordinary porn with conventional gender roles (where, unfortunately, conventional gender roles tend to be about subjugation of women). I base this assumption on the fact that the kind of beastie action he’s looking for can be found by surfing no more than two clicks from any regular ‘Barely Legal’ site and not even pausing to put down the Budweiser.
If DDS cared to, there’s a creative solution to this problem that might satisfy her boy’s urges while also directing him into a healthier form of roleplay: She can agree to be fucked by “a dog,” but with one condition — *he* has to be the dog. Turn the tables, pull out the leash and the bowl, make him beg, and either he’ll turn out to appreciate the scenario (whether simply for being sufficiently “nasty” or on some deeper level), grow bored with the whole idea and move on to some new fixation, or reveal himself to only be interested in the subjugation aspects. (In this last case, if subjugation isn’t a shared interest, it’s a cue to DTMFA and wish him luck finding someone who actually enjoys that.) However it works out, DDS would get to stay in control, and the only doggy dick involved would be imaginary.
Look at it this way: if I’ve “pegged” her boy’s type, he’d probably swear up and down he’s not a “furry” — but he’d also be much easier to deal with if he were one.
@Elf in post #24 • @AJ on post 52 •
@Julian on post 78 • @DCKathy in post 105 • @DDS in post 106 • @sc in post 119 •
@Elf in post #24
12 year old humans may be sexually mature and wiling to have sex, but sex with a human that is not mentally and emotionally mature will cause harm, which is why sex with 12 year old is illegal, is harmful almost always. Humans aren’t mature enough till they reach age 14 or 15. While aniamls that are already mature sexually, mentally physically,and emotionally will not get harm if there is no use of force or abuse (not to mention is legal in many places under those conditions) you can’t compare a sexually immature humans to a sexually mature animal.
@AJ on post 52
If you do some research, the number one reason dogs hum is for sexual reasons. Humping is the way dogs masturbate, fuck and get aroused or arouse others. Domination is around reason number 3 on the list. Plus a dog showing domination by being aggressive while humping and biting or showing the fangs and growling and also by pining the human down in the ground till the human becomes submissive, very different from a dog that is horny and hump you leg while spreading precum over it (clearly sexual and not dominant behabior) Allowing a dog to have sex with you does NOT undermines the alpha position, firsts, dogs are not wolves, has been thousands of years since we modified their behabior. Second, you can let him have sex with you when YOU chose, meaning you are the one in charge, the human is the one that decides if consents or not to the dog that is asking for sex. Humans is the alpha giving permission to the dog to fuck him/her, the dog MAY think he/she is the alpha but only during the sex and only after the human consented, the rest of the day the dog will not be the alpha.
PS: humans can lock the door to have sex in private so the dog may not turn aggressive for the human taking his “human bitch” also, not all dogs acts like that, dog can also be passive and wait their their turn. Maybe you should look at some mating videos on youtube, where 10 dogs are waiting their turn, the moment one dog unties, another dog takes his places and ties with the bitch.
@Julian on post 78
Thanks for your understanding of this topic, some people are short/close minded, or have a weird fetish where they see sexually mature adult animals as human children.
@DCKathy in post 105
Fetish don’t always become a disorder/addictions.
Almost every human has a sexual fetish for something, are you saying almost every human can’t have normal sex? You are wrong to think fetish always become addictions.
@DDS in post 106
Watching bestiality porn is only abuse if:
1-You pay for it (as it helps to support exploitation of animals)
2-If the sex you watching is clearly forced and abusive. I would suggest you/him to get your porn from zoophile (best if you do it for free) you will see humans that are inlove with their animals (and the animals are inlove with the human) and all the sex is consensual without use of force and the animals is enjoying it as much as the human.
3-Most bestiality commercial porn is like watching (human rape porn) the aniamls are drugged or forced or abused or neglected just for the profit, chose well where you see the porn, may I suggest you to look for petsex(dot)com (is like a animal porntube) it has a bit of all, bestialists and zoophile videos in it, short videos are free to watch so you aren’t paying and supporting people that abuse animals for money.
@sc in post 119
Animals can be consenting adults too.
Most can give consent, adult animals have language, human can learn that language so he understand when the animal is consenting or denying consent (if you want to learn about it you can Google for example “dog body language, “dog emotions” “how dogs communicate with humans”, “non-verbal language”, “non-verbal consent” and other) Any ethologist can confirm that animals can say NO or YES (in their language) to activities that a human may try to do to them (THEY CAN CONSENT) If a person tries to masturbate a dog, the dog can give his consent by acting happy and humping the human hand and not showing that he dislike the behabior(this is also true for bitches) or if the dog wants to say NO he/she will said it by grunting, biting, moving away, barking, acting with fear or submission or discomfort, hiding the tail, lowering the ears, etc. A dog may use one or many combinations of those signals to say NO, a human that has spend time with the dog will learn how the dog says NO to sex or other behaviors and how the dog say YES to sex or other behaviors, so there is no fear of confusing the dog consent at any point as the human already understand well how that dog will say NO to things he/she doesn’t consent.
Second, dogs can be trained to solicit sex only in specific places of the house or on specific cues or commands, so the dog will only hump when , lets say, see a human totally naked in 4 legs tapping his ass as a signal to mount.
My boyfriend never hump other people (he does hum bitches but quickly stop when the bitch says NO) my dog will understand that a NO means NO and lose interest. Third, you can’t catch any STDs from dogs, only from humans. Dogs may have zoonosis, but if your dog has one, is more likely that you will get it by petting the dog, getting a lick, breathing the air around him or touching the places where he sleep or pop and pees. Pet owners that have dos in unsanitary conditions, with dogs full of fleas ticks and worms and that has never got vaccines will get infected by zoonosis (and not because they re having sex with the dog) anyone near a unhealthy dog will get sick, anyone near a healthy dog will not get sick, and almost all domestic dogs are vaccinated, dewormed, get flea/tick baths and are keep in healthy and well care in a clean environment. Getting a zoonosis is really rare if you are taking precautions and you really love the animals and take good care of him/her.
Forth a child is not mature enough to cope with sex, a mature adult dogs is, he will not get hurt in any way if consent is respected. A child even if willingly wants sex and even if he is not harmed from sex and enjoys it, is very likely to develop mental harm in the future (this doesn’t happen with aniamls that had consensual sex) humans may get hurt by the social stigma around sex, but animals have no morals, they don’t get mentally hurt from social stigma. You clearly have no knowledge of how aniamls consent work or how it doesn’t have any risk to have sex with an adult mature aniamls, they are not children, adult aniamls are not innocent furry children, they are sexual being that enjoy sex and will not get hurt from it.
The end.
@ 44 – I know this is about 3 years too late but I don’t care. Honey, if this woman says that she can’t get off without it, she isn’t talking about her ass. You may not be aware but the clitoris is located at the top of the vagina which isn’t anywhere near the ass. For women, the ass is IN ADDITION to having orgasm inducing vaginal/clitoral sex. It is extremely doubtful that this woman is referring to anything other than her vagina. Also, the wording is: “we EVEN started ass play” which implies that she EVEN started doing THAT for him and he STILL won’t do what ought to come natural for her.
Generally speaking, for women, orgasm is almost always reached by (1)clitoral stimulation and (2) vaginal stimulation and this is quite a bit removed from the clit and takes a lot more time. The ass has nerve endings but there isn’t anything there to cause an orgasm in the first place so women who like it often need clitoral stimulation as well. Men like to fool themselves (by watching bad porn) that women can get off by anal alone or by playing with a woman’s ass alone or by licking it alone but this is almost NEVER the case. Orgasms can be faked and it would be great if more women just said, “you know, it doesn’t do anything for me and I’m faking it for your sake.”