My wife and I have been married for a few years and are expecting our first child. I’m really into the idea of being sprayed with my wife’s breast milk. The other night, she was fretting about when her boobs are going to start leaking. This seemed like a good time to bring it up, so I told her about my newly discovered lactation fetish. She freaked out-her comments were along the lines of “Gross!” and “That’s not what that’s for!” This is something I’d really like to explore, but I don’t know how to reapproach the subject.
Man Into Lactation Kink
Not all pregnant women, however thrilled they are about having children, are excited about—much less excited by—the physical changes that come with pregnancy. So you might wanna keep your mouth shut until your wife has some time to get comfortable with her new boobs, MILK, and their new milk-producing superpowers.
Once the kid is out and the milk is in and your wife has fully recovered from the birth experience and you start fucking again… you should probably keep keeping your mouth shut. The wife won’t have forgotten that conversation, I promise you, and if she comes to see her breast milk as a bodily fluid like so many others, i.e., one of those fluids that adults sometimes share during sex, perhaps she’ll warm to breast-milk splatter play.
But don’t take my word for it, MILK.
“Before I had a baby,” said a new mother I shared your letter with, “I would’ve had the same reaction—gross! I would’ve wondered if my husband has unresolved mother issues. The idea of sexualizing a bodily secretion that’s designed solely for my infant? That seems a bit taboo. But now that I’ve had a baby, my reaction would be somewhat different.”
How so?
“It can be a challenge to feel intimate after childbirth and as sleep-deprived new parents,” said the new mom. “So I’d perhaps shrug and summon my new mom mantra: Whatever works.”
I am a 25-year-old lesbian. I’ve been with men before, but I never really liked it—penises freak me out. My coworker recently asked me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend using a strap-on. I’m intrigued. They’re both very attractive, and I would like to try it, if only for the story. But I’m worried that TWO penises will really freak me out. I also worry that my strap-on skills, while great for the ladies, would bore two 6-foot-2 gay men. Do you think I should do it? Can you recommend a way to get over my penis fear? Is it a bad idea to try this out with a coworker?
Intrigued But Scared
I think you should do it—and you knew I would think you should do it, which leads me to believe that you wanna do it, otherwise you would’ve written to any one of the hundreds of don’t-do-it advice columnists out there. (Prudie would’ve made some great assfucking puns but almost certainly would’ve told you not to do it.)
Office affairs can get messy—but the messes are likelier when the romantic stakes are high. There are no romantic stakes here, IBS, and as long as you’re both mature enough to separate your work relationship from your strap-on relationship, I don’t see why you shouldn’t satisfy your curiosity, theirs, and mine. (I’m curious what their height has to do with anything.)
As for your fears and insecurities: Tell the boys in advance that dicks scare you, let them know there might be some nervous laughter, and remind them before you start not to point those things at you. Then enjoy, take pics, and send a full report—my readers are going to want to know how it went.
I spent a long time in a relationship with a wonderful man who had a very low libido. I know how challenging it can be when you are not sexually satisfied in a relationship. I have started seeing a new gentleman. After several weeks, he confided that he enjoys being defecated on. I told him I didn’t know that I could accommodate him but I didn’t think any less of him. He seemed relieved that I wasn’t judging him and genuine when he said he wouldn’t want me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. I am wondering if by denying this kink I am being unfair or, worse yet, leaving him feeling unsatisfied in the way my ex made me feel. He has not pushed it, but I want to know if my refusal to do this negatively impacts my GGG assessment.
Clean Sheets Enthusiast
No, CSE, it does not. People should be understanding, indulgent, and GGG—”good, giving, and game”—and a partner’s reasonable fetishes, kinks, and quirks should be accommodated. A thing for feet or crossdressing or bondage? Totally reasonable! Accommodate away! A thing for shit or animals or seitan? Unfuckingreasonable.
It’s wonderful—I suppose—that your boyfriend felt safe enough with you to share this info, and he’s probably thrilled that you didn’t, er, dump him on the spot. (Prudie could’ve come up with something better.) But the internet was invented expressly to remove guys like your boyfriend from the dating pool. Kink personals sites make it possible for people with unreasonable fetishes to find partners who share their unreasonable fetishes. That you’re still seeing him, and calling him a gentleman, is the best he could hope for from someone he didn’t meet on a shit and/or seitan fetish website.
I’m a 23-year-old male who is bi-curious/pan-curious/post-gender-curious. I have recently found myself attracted to penises, but I don’t feel like I’m attracted to any specific men. If you showed me a cropped shot of a hard cock, I’d get aroused. If you showed me a picture of the whole guy, no arousal. Many of my friends are very into the post-gender/post-modern
cultural-studies mind-set. In college, a time in my life when I felt no arousal looking at male genitalia, they mocked me for considering myself straight. I’m wondering if the disconnect of attraction toward the male sex organ but not men is the product of simply training myself to break down the assumed straightness I’ve spent most of my life living. I am fairly picky, but I meet many women I am attracted to. I really like the general idea of having sex with a guy, just not any specific one. Am I just trying to be a sexual tourist? Am I valuing queerness for the sake of it? Maybe my trepidation toward sex with a man is from the general societal constraints put on male-on-male loving?
Cock Observer Laments Disconnect
Or maybe you’re straight.
Lots of straight men like to look at cock, COLD, which is why there’s so much cock on display in porn created by and for heterosexual men. Straight men can identify with those hard cocks and live vicariously through them. But very few straight guys—no truly straight guys, many straight guys would argue—make the leap from admiring and/or being vicariously aroused by cock to actually sitting on one and/or finding other men attractive.
Accept that you’re straight, COLD, pursue the women you’re attracted to, and stay the hell away from heterophobic post-gender/post-modern/pan-sexual cultural-studies majors whose immaturity, self-loathing, and anger all manifest in a refusal to accept that a good guy can also be a straight guy.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Canuck @46…
I never said it did. I was responding to 3 very specific criticisms levied at new mothers that I found dripping with male privilege.
Compassion is the best response all around, but criticizing a new mother for expressing fairly benign and reasonable frustrations deserves being called out for what it is: totally obnoxious.
@ 49 – Some scat enthousiasts call it “caviar”, so maybe “seitan” is a code word for something else…
@ 24 – You musn’t read Savage Love that often, as Dan has repeatedly called scat “a fetish too far”. He’s being rather tame today by calling it “unreasonable”. Knowing that, you should be able to put his comments in perspective. Hopefully, your therapy had a stronger effect than Dan’s opinion; if not, you might want to stop reading his column for a while and go back to therapy – I don’t think youre strong enough yet in your self-acceptance (just my two cents).
And besides, he’s not saying scat fans are monsters, just that they should try and find each other, which is basically what he says about every sexual peculiarity.
@ 17 – Warm fudge smells like warm fudge, and I’m sure that’s not the kind of smell that turns shit enthusiasts on (coz if you’re into scat, surely the smell plays a role in your arousal). It’s a rather silly suggestion.
I’ve been breastfeeding for 15 months and only got my sex drive back when I got my period a few months ago. Before that, the only way I could tolerate vaginal sex was with eyes squeezed shut, deep breathing, and lying there like a dead fish. And it wasn’t because i was being selfish and entitled (thanks for the pigeon hole, random person who’s never breastfed a kid. And we wonder why something like 70 percent of american moms switch to formula before the recommended time is up). It was because my wonky hormones made sex ~hurt~, it felt like my guy had covered his dick in sandpaper. Now that I feel normal again I’d have no problem spraying him to his hearts content if that’s something he wanted, but it took almost a year for me to get there.
@52 Ricardo
Dan goes beyond saying “just that they should try and find each other.” My reading is that he’s saying one has no right to even ask a partner to participate in this kink unless you met on a website devoted to it. That goes beyond GGG issues and heads into what we might call “justifiable freak out” territory. I believe it’s a short trip to gay panic defense land from there. Perhaps it would be better to tell CSE that saying no thank you is perfectly acceptable without becoming hysterical.
“I also worry that my strap-on skills, while great for the ladies, would bore two 6-foot-2 gay men.”
Bore. Best unintentional pun ever.
@ 22: “I can’t decide if these letters are more gross than boring or more boring than gross.”
The first is more gross than boring, the second is more boring than gross, the third is more gross than boring, the fourth is more boring than gross. Though the last couple sentences in #4 are classic Savage.
Wow. I DIDN’T have a lactation fetish until I read @6’s post. Now I imagine I’m blushing like a fire hydrant right at work. Shame on your husband for saying it was disgusting! That’s the most absurdly hot thing I’ve read all day!
On another subject, I feel a lot like the the guy in the last letter (without all the post-gender blahblahblah), so he should at least know he’s not alone in his bonerdom. I’m bi-ish, I guess. I’m down with penises, but never met a guy attached to one that I’d actually want to do anything with. My wife’s interested in MMF threeways, and I’m down with that too, but how do I find the guy that’s right for me? 😀
The funny thing is, I’m so totally into androgyny. Short hair on girls drives me crazy. Mostly this leads to me crushing on a lot of lesbians (with predictable results) yet the reverse effect on guys never seems to happen. Maybe I haven’t met the proper waifish pretty boys yet.
And here I thought Savage Love would be the perfect escape from a world overrun by The Great Lactation Debate. Have they sent the bat(shit) signal out yet?
What @41 said. Speaking as a homosexual who is openly and broadly supportive of his trans- and gender non-conforming friends… nothing in the world is more tedious than gender/cultural/social work- studies students whose identities are political statements and guilt mitigation tactics.
Much of a woman’s resistance to breastmilk sex play has to do with 1) discomfort (Milk-engorged breasts hurt. Chapped nipples hurt.) 2) hormonal/emotional changes that encode the breasts as non-sexual, for the time being.
Some women get off on breastfeeding, and more power to ’em, but the majority do not and a vast number suffer.
I had a very comfortable pregnancy, was fully sexual until labour, got right back on the horse soon after and breastfed with ease. But I could barely tolerate having my breasts touched until I stopped feeding as it was a highly sensitive, non-sexual zone. It was, to put it frankly, fucking annoying. So I say don’t push it. A new mother has way more to deal with than you whining to be squirted on.
Much of a woman’s resistance to breastmilk sex play has to do with 1) discomfort (Milk-engorged breasts hurt. Chapped nipples hurt.) 2) hormonal/emotional changes that encode the breasts as non-sexual, for the time being.
Some women get off on breastfeeding, and more power to ’em, but the majority do not and a vast number suffer.
I had a very comfortable pregnancy, was fully sexual until labour, got right back on the horse soon after and breastfed with ease. But I could barely tolerate having my breasts touched until I stopped feeding as it was a highly sensitive, non-sexual zone. It was, to put it frankly, fucking annoying. So I say don’t push it. A new mother has way more to deal with than you whining to be squirted on.
@51 I’m totally with you,FWIW. Not so much with 35 but those other two….WOW!
I’m actually kind of impressed at 15 and 17s levels of self obsession and entitlement.
sarah_anonymous was just talking about her crazy, postpartum depression thoughts that she didn’t seem to even share with her husband and those asshats still managed to hate her because of it.
They were upset with sarah because of a dark, anguished time she went through. How do you even manage….
I can’t be angry because, that kind of self-obsessed entitlement is so off-the-charts ridiculous, it will surely prevent either one of them from ever finding a tincture real happiness in their lives.
@39: They made a CHOICE to give up their bodies for about a year. Don’t forget that.
If you’re impressed at 17 now, just stick around. The man feels entitled to EVERYTHING involving women.
@ 54 – Maybe, but my point is that since long-time SL readers KNOW that Dan is freaked out by scat (and to a level that’s beyond justifiable, in my opinion), we have to put his comments in perspective.
Any SL reader who writes in with a scat question should know that Dan will be just a tad hysterical in his answer. So any SL reader who, upon reading Dan’s answer on this subject, fails to filter it and tone it done, is “guilty” of not knowing Dan very well (I mean his writings, of course) or of being overly sensitive (in this case, for obvious and justifiable reasons).
It’s like reading an action movie review by a critic who you know doesn’t like action movies when you’re a big fan of them. The review may contain valid points, but should you trust the critic’s general opinion of the movie? Of course not.
The person I was answering to, CSE Support (@ 24) says that he/she sometimes sees Dan as a hero, but didn’t know Dan’s disgust for all things poo-ish. I say CSE Support needs 1) to know people better before calling them heroes, and 2) to work some more on his/her self-acceptance so that other people’s opinion don’t affect him/her so much.
Dan is not god. He gives ADVICE, he doesn’t set absolute rules. If you grant him the status of a god and expect infallibly good judgement on his part, like any other of the made-up gods humanity worships (i.e. all of them), he’s bound to disappoint you at one point. But it won’t be his fault.
It’s bizarre to me that people are freaked out by human milk. (Why do we say “breast” milk; does it come from another place too?) We are mammals, animals of a sort, and few things are so necessary. Wonder what the world would be like if we could take away all the irrelevant connotations around women’s breasts. I’m gay, so I’m guessing I have a less engaged viewpoint… It’s OUR milk, folk, but we so love to steal from the cows. Thank you, cows!
@39 / 63, it goes on for a lot more than a year. Around 18 months old is when the baby first starts to understand that it is separate from its mom. Until then, it’s like a body part you can put down briefly, but it still feels very much like it is part of you. (So 18+9=27 months) Plus, if you have children in succession, the feeling that your body is not your own goes on until the youngest child is ready to separate.
That said, men-who-want-marital-sex-to-continue should be paying attention to what women on this thread say works: telling them how much it turns you on to see them as earth-mother. (You won’t have to say it forever! Just while they’re feeling huge and earth-mothery…)
It seems to me that the advice to MILK and anyone else who has a pregnant partner, especially one who is big, beautiful and horny in the third trimester, is to get her and give her anything she wants, remind her how much you love her, and how gorgeous and sexy she is. Good things will almost always follow but, regardless, adoring the mother of your children is its own reward.
Almost spot on for COLD. He could suck some cock before he just decides he is–or rounds to–straight. Messing around with another man is definitely going to be more conclusive that undergrad social sophistry.
Tis a shame that many parts of our society looks at breast milk as “disgusting”. Breast milk is LIFE. and way better for you than that cow crap.
Odd – if we say we have a cow milk fetish and asked the partner to pour cow’s milk all over them, the reactions would probably not be as visceral.
Curious.
@EP “I used to not be able to pee in the shower, or take a dump when my husband was in the bathroom. Now I can do both.”
Wait…whut? Weren’t you just lecturing me that I was being a bit stuck up about boundaries and how you and your husband constantly did these things? Oh…oh…right…*now* you do these things!
😉
I’m a woman but I am child free in every way. I don’t particularly want kids and my uterus never had any intention of giving me kids so it worked out real well like that.
So, what I’m saying here is pure conjecture. My sister tells me that the way you look at stuff like this completely changes. But this is how I see it from my completely uninformed position.
I’ve always found the idea of breast feeding horrific. You have an infant doing something to you that has been exclusively sexual for your whole life so far. It’s almost like you are having to engage in pedophilia in order to feed your child. I can’t understand how breastfeeding isn’t traumatic.
So, it seems to me that, if I were a new mother, I would have to ask my husband to not touch my breasts and also request to wear my bra during intercourse until the breastfeeding were over.
Like, psychologically, I would need to pretend that my breasts weren’t sexual things at all during the whole breastfeeding period. I would have to go into denial about boobies being sex organs in any way until that kid was completely off the breast milk.
@71 your memory is better than mine, but I hope I didn’t actually say someone’s boundaries were not okay. (Maybe just that if you want to move your boundaries, it might be possible to do so, one step at a time? That’s what I’m saying here; feel free to provide details of me saying something different elsewhere.)
suddenlyorcas @63…
That’s presumptuous. And irrelevant. Again, I was talking about a particular display of male privilege. Regardless of how wanted a baby is, this sacrifice of autonomy takes its toll on many women. And anyone who criticizes a new/ish mother for simply expressing that it’s not always easy is a douche.
@25: Fair enough, but in LW’s situation, the problem is not the medical one, but one of attitude. If it turns out that she does indeed have a low milk supply — a determination that is several months in the future — he can easily enough back off, but it isn’t going to hurt anything for him to play, and it might even help.
For that matter, she isn’t even saying “there isn’t enough.” She’s saying “That’s gross” and “not what it’s for.” As a mom-to-be, she has a whole lot of gross to get the hell over. Give her a couple of incidents of the kid losing its meal on her lap (likely enough getting everywhere from her hair to her slippers in the process), and what hubby proposes will seem positively pedestrian.
Particularly in light of the fact that it’s going to happen whether she likes it or not. The fact that he enjoys the idea is great. Would she prefer a husband who freaks out and tells her she is gross when she involuntarily leaks on him during sex? (FWIW, both my wife and I thought it was hilarious.)
Seriously, if she’s that freaked by bodily fluids, how did she ever manage to get pregnant in the first place?
@63 “They made a CHOICE to give up their bodies for about a year. Don’t forget that.”
Presumably their significant others, the one who fathered the child, had some say in the matter. Biologically the mother will contribute a huge amount of energy and will undergo enormous changes due to pregnancy and maternity. A father could get away with doing absolutely nothing, but the loving husband/father will ideally go to equally enormous lengths to ease his wife’s burden however he can.
@71/73, ah, found the thread. Yes, okay, I said: “Everything you mention is normal in my marriage, and has been since we were dating – farting, pissing in front of each other.”
… a key element which was left out then, and now, is the D/s component of our relationship. He took charge of my life, when we were dating. So, yes, there was a time when I had trouble peeing in front of someone else. He worked on that, until it was no longer an issue. More recently, he got me able to take a dump with him in the room. The “since we were dating” phraseology was ambiguous – the change happened while we were dating, because of the D/s.
But the earlier point remains. Some people view these things differently than others. It is okay to read people’s email if both people think it’s okay; it’s okay to pee or poop with other people in the room if both people think it’s okay (or if one is the Dom and the other surrenders to the Dom.) There are no hard-and-fast rules that it is impolite to read your partner’s email or pee in front of him (or poop on her) – these are boundaries which some people don’t have. If their partners are willing, it is also possible to shift the boundaries one had when entering the relationship. Not easy, but possible, one step at a time.
@63, both the wife AND husband made a choice. Therefore the husband should accept the consequences of THEIR choice. That includes irrartionality, moodiness, insecurity about their bodies, and the possible break from sex. The wife is carrying and giving birth to his child. Fuck off.
This is hilarious: “The other night, she was fretting about when her boobs are going to start leaking. This seemed like a good time to bring it up, so I told her about my newly discovered lactation fetish.”
It’s hilarious how this guy thinks this is a prime moment to bring this up “…umm my wife was complaining about some changes to her body that she wasn’t ready for and frankly found disgusting, and i thought this was a perfect moment to tell her it made me really horny…”
ha ha MILK is hilarious: “…umm my wife was talking about some changes to her body that she wasn’t looking forward to and frankly found disgusting, and I thought this was the perfect time to tell her how horny it made me…”
wow, genius timing.
@74: It is irrelevant that a pregnant woman made a choice to put herself into that position no matter how she feels about it? And pointing out that she made this choice is presumptuous? You are under the assumption that I am a man…
@76: Yes, you are understanding me. There was a CHOICE made in this DECISION to go through a body-changing process in order to bring new life into the world.
@78: Yes, a CHOICE they both DECIDED to go through.
People get really fucking pissy when you point out that the only reason a person has the HARDSHIPS they do is because they CHOSE to live their lives that way. And that the husband then CHOSE to air his dirty laundry on the internet, of all places, instead of talking to his WIFE, who he is apparently mature enough to bring a child into the world with, but not mature enough to FUCKING TALK TO HER about something like sex.
And yes, I will be here LAUGHING about their lack of foresight because it’s a lot better than completely giving up on the human race because I know that idiots like them are the ones who are breeding.
@ avast–true, I don’t really get the aversion to fluids. I would think that as the one fluid that evolved for the purpose of consumption breast milk would be the least offensive. Blood, urine, and semen could go either way depending on whose it was (loved one v. subway stranger), but I don’t think they’re categorically gross. And snot is just a filthy conduit of disease.
@75: I had two babies and breastfed for close to three years total and never leaked or sprayed once. Not everyone does.
I also most definitely did NOT have enough milk to share. Feeding my daughter, who lost weight for the first five weeks of her life, which is fuckin’ scary, involved minor surgery for her, herbs and specialists for me, and endless hours on a breast pump — which is no fun and means I rarely left the house.
Nowhere does MILK say that his wife has problems with “bodily fluids”–she thinks him want the milk intended for his children is gross, nothing about semen or piss or blood or whatever. I’m fine with semen (swallow it often) but don’t particularly enjoy pus. Does that mean I’m “freaked out by bodily fluids”?
Fortunately, even if my husband had had a lactation fetish, he was most invested in having healthy, well-nourished children and was more concerned with helping me feed them than he was with what he could get for himself.
@81 Suddenly Orcas:
I suspect I speak for a lot of readers when I say that I wish YOUR parents had really shown more foresight and considered not having YOU.
Your general intolerance, arrogance, incivility, and lack of compassion are just breathtaking. Although, I must admit, I do share your concern for the decline of the species when I read letters such as yours.
Re gender identification: Am I not what I say I am? If I love cock but I say I’m straight am I not straight? Aren’t the variations of sexual activity so gray shaded that strict definitions are at best GENERALLY useful but not definitive? If my wife fantasizes about pussy but won’t actually have sex with someone else’ isn’t she allowed to call herself bi?
Suddenlylyorcas, just because someone doesn’t like all of the physical burdens surrounding pregnancy doesn’t mean they regret the choice to have a child. Pregnancy requires some big adaptations in a couple’s life and they should be a able to be talk about it just like anybody else talks about their experiences. Choice really isn’t relevant. People are getting pissy at you because you’re trying to shush them by parroting the same tired phrase over and over again and expecting it to suddenly mean more than it does.
@77 EricaP
… a key element which was left out then, and now, is the D/s component of our relationship.
Um, well, that’s fine; what I was really getting at was that clearly the comfort level – the lowering of boundaries (and that’s been my word) – evolved (why – D/s, familiarity, time, whatever – isn’t terribly important).
He took charge of my life, when we were dating. So, yes, there was a time when I had trouble peeing in front of someone else. He worked on that, until it was no longer an issue. More recently, he got me able to take a dump with him in the room.
FWIW, I don’t think that having difficulty peeing in front of someone is…”an issue” to be worked on necessarily.
While I learned to carry on conversations and discussions with friends and acquaintances and even strangers in bathrooms with no partition doors (or partitions for that matter) starting in scout camp and straight through locker rooms, boarding school and college, I still prefer not to pee or dump in front of anyone, if avoidable – it’s a private function, not a social occasion. Sure, there were guys who were tormented by their inability to be undressed (much less evacuating) in front of strangers in these formative situations, to the point that their inability to get any ‘privacy’ started to cause problems, and I suppose they needed to “work on it” but really, it’s just good manners and an awareness of boundaries that tells me to shut the bathroom door if it (a door) is available.
The “since we were dating” phraseology was ambiguous – the change happened while we were dating, because of the D/s.
Heh…”ambiguous”…I’ll say to you what so many have said to me: you should be a lawyer! Nice parsing!
I’m really just ribbing you a little here. The tone of your original response was a little…adamant. The point was taken on the merits, not the tone, and I appreciated the input. In the time following the discussions that ensued that week, I raised the issues I mentioned above and was caught off guard wondering if something was wrong when she suddenly shifted her behavior and started minding those things (not walking in on me in the bathroom)…I sensed the distancing, and it was a tad..uncomfortable! So much for my preachy manners.
@72 – if you did decide to have kids, and still thought breast feeding was traumatizing and “almost pedophilia” … you would be well advised to seek professional counseling. I don’t think your feelings are the norm for young mothers.
@82 I don’t really get the aversion to fluids.
I think it is acculturation – and it probably grows out of learning that our elimination functions are not to be played with. I’m ok with that. I don’t have spawn, but I remember well the horror in my sibling’s voice as she watched (while talking on the phone to me) her child fish some feces out of the diaper and start chowing down. I’m sure Dan will say the scat fetish is a direct result of our cultural taboo around this.
2 /15 / 79/80: I think it’s a matter of tact as well as timing. Compare two different approaches to a pregnant woman’s anxiety about her boobs leaking:
A) “Honey, you’ll be wonderful whatever happens; there are products to help with that; and if it does happen, I actually think it would be sexy”
versus
B) “Honey, enough about your anxiety; back to focusing on me. It’s actually super convenient that you’re going to be lactating, because it fits right in with my new lactation fantasy! Aren’t you excited for me?”
@88 I would have to decide to have kids and magically have a working uterus, both.
But, if you’re just wanting to point out that I’m mad as a hatter, you are correct 😀
@87 You’re still saying that elimination is “a private function,” and “good manners” tells you to shut the bathroom door.
I’m saying that people are different. (Some people want privacy – great- but my dom wasn’t going to put up with that, so for us, it was an ‘issue.’)
What are your thoughts on privacy now that your gf is respecting your boundaries better? Do you feel your boundaries shifting, or are you just worried about the commitment she may want in exchange for changing her own behavior to suit you? Last time, you didn’t seem very enamored of your gf; I’m curious how you feel this week. (Apologies that I have no manners and butt in to other people’s business … as we’ve been discussing, my boundaries are not where other people’s are…)
suddenlyorcas @81
It’s presumptuous to assume every woman who gives birth chose to have a baby. Abortion may be legal, but until it’s easily accessible it’s not always an option.
Here’s a great article about some of the barriers to abortion access in the US.
http://abortiongang.org/2010/07/what-eve…
Sorry… didn’t mean to sidetrack the discussion, and don’t want to make it about abortion. Just clarifying what I meant when I said “presumptuous.”
Wow, this thread is full of reasons I’m glad I’m never having kids.
Suddenlylyorcas, making a choice doesn’t mean a person somehow waives the right to feel the burden of that choice, even though they don’t regret it. Pregnancy and childbirth are hard. Child-rearing is hard. A person has the right to acknowledge the toll that a choice has taken on his/her life and body. By your reckoning, people can only acknowledge their hardships if they have had no choice in how they live. Most people will at some time in their lives willingly choose actions that will be difficult, but will hopefully yield more good than harm–having kids is a good example. Sneering about a lack of foresight because choices like that never go 100% according to plan is awfully unattractive and sort of cowardly–what do your choices say about you?
m
Yeesh, way to misspell “suddenlyorcas” on my part. That’s what I get for copying and pasting from another commenter.
whoops, I guess I didn’t actually edit my comment…well what I was going to say was I’m a lesbian who was in a “friends with benefits” relationship with a bi guy a while back that was enjoyable. I used the strap on (fun for me) and he got himself off while get f*cked (fun for him). So basically, it was a good experience. 🙂
About the seitan:
I remember a post of a submissive guy who wanted to be fed a totally tasteless but yet nutritious type of food and asked Dan for suggestions. Dan’s answer was something along the line of ‘go to a vegan restaurant’.
My guess is that Dan is not fond of vegan/vegetarian food and sees seitan (used in vegetarian diets) as the most horrid kind of food ever eaten by man.
Jesus, @17 – how big are the gaps between *your* teeth? Because tampon strings sure as hell aren’t going to fit between mine, and I’m English.
COLD has been hanging out with all the wrong people at college. I am just delighted that he didn’t use the word ‘cisgender’. Now, I like to look at women, and their bits, in porn – women are good to look at, and visually turn me on more than men, but it’s men I like to fuck. My porn habits have never caused me to question my sexuality, possibly because I have the great good fortune never to have hung out with a bunch of losers – sorry, that is to say people with a post-gender/post-modern cultural-studies mind-set – from a gender studies class.