My wife and I have been married for a few years and are expecting our first child. I’m really into the idea of being sprayed with my wife’s breast milk. The other night, she was fretting about when her boobs are going to start leaking. This seemed like a good time to bring it up, so I told her about my newly discovered lactation fetish. She freaked out-her comments were along the lines of “Gross!” and “That’s not what that’s for!” This is something I’d really like to explore, but I don’t know how to reapproach the subject.
Man Into Lactation Kink
Not all pregnant women, however thrilled they are about having children, are excited about—much less excited by—the physical changes that come with pregnancy. So you might wanna keep your mouth shut until your wife has some time to get comfortable with her new boobs, MILK, and their new milk-producing superpowers.
Once the kid is out and the milk is in and your wife has fully recovered from the birth experience and you start fucking again… you should probably keep keeping your mouth shut. The wife won’t have forgotten that conversation, I promise you, and if she comes to see her breast milk as a bodily fluid like so many others, i.e., one of those fluids that adults sometimes share during sex, perhaps she’ll warm to breast-milk splatter play.
But don’t take my word for it, MILK.
“Before I had a baby,” said a new mother I shared your letter with, “I would’ve had the same reaction—gross! I would’ve wondered if my husband has unresolved mother issues. The idea of sexualizing a bodily secretion that’s designed solely for my infant? That seems a bit taboo. But now that I’ve had a baby, my reaction would be somewhat different.”
How so?
“It can be a challenge to feel intimate after childbirth and as sleep-deprived new parents,” said the new mom. “So I’d perhaps shrug and summon my new mom mantra: Whatever works.”
I am a 25-year-old lesbian. I’ve been with men before, but I never really liked it—penises freak me out. My coworker recently asked me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend using a strap-on. I’m intrigued. They’re both very attractive, and I would like to try it, if only for the story. But I’m worried that TWO penises will really freak me out. I also worry that my strap-on skills, while great for the ladies, would bore two 6-foot-2 gay men. Do you think I should do it? Can you recommend a way to get over my penis fear? Is it a bad idea to try this out with a coworker?
Intrigued But Scared
I think you should do it—and you knew I would think you should do it, which leads me to believe that you wanna do it, otherwise you would’ve written to any one of the hundreds of don’t-do-it advice columnists out there. (Prudie would’ve made some great assfucking puns but almost certainly would’ve told you not to do it.)
Office affairs can get messy—but the messes are likelier when the romantic stakes are high. There are no romantic stakes here, IBS, and as long as you’re both mature enough to separate your work relationship from your strap-on relationship, I don’t see why you shouldn’t satisfy your curiosity, theirs, and mine. (I’m curious what their height has to do with anything.)
As for your fears and insecurities: Tell the boys in advance that dicks scare you, let them know there might be some nervous laughter, and remind them before you start not to point those things at you. Then enjoy, take pics, and send a full report—my readers are going to want to know how it went.
I spent a long time in a relationship with a wonderful man who had a very low libido. I know how challenging it can be when you are not sexually satisfied in a relationship. I have started seeing a new gentleman. After several weeks, he confided that he enjoys being defecated on. I told him I didn’t know that I could accommodate him but I didn’t think any less of him. He seemed relieved that I wasn’t judging him and genuine when he said he wouldn’t want me to do anything I was uncomfortable with. I am wondering if by denying this kink I am being unfair or, worse yet, leaving him feeling unsatisfied in the way my ex made me feel. He has not pushed it, but I want to know if my refusal to do this negatively impacts my GGG assessment.
Clean Sheets Enthusiast
No, CSE, it does not. People should be understanding, indulgent, and GGG—”good, giving, and game”—and a partner’s reasonable fetishes, kinks, and quirks should be accommodated. A thing for feet or crossdressing or bondage? Totally reasonable! Accommodate away! A thing for shit or animals or seitan? Unfuckingreasonable.
It’s wonderful—I suppose—that your boyfriend felt safe enough with you to share this info, and he’s probably thrilled that you didn’t, er, dump him on the spot. (Prudie could’ve come up with something better.) But the internet was invented expressly to remove guys like your boyfriend from the dating pool. Kink personals sites make it possible for people with unreasonable fetishes to find partners who share their unreasonable fetishes. That you’re still seeing him, and calling him a gentleman, is the best he could hope for from someone he didn’t meet on a shit and/or seitan fetish website.
I’m a 23-year-old male who is bi-curious/pan-curious/post-gender-curious. I have recently found myself attracted to penises, but I don’t feel like I’m attracted to any specific men. If you showed me a cropped shot of a hard cock, I’d get aroused. If you showed me a picture of the whole guy, no arousal. Many of my friends are very into the post-gender/post-modern
cultural-studies mind-set. In college, a time in my life when I felt no arousal looking at male genitalia, they mocked me for considering myself straight. I’m wondering if the disconnect of attraction toward the male sex organ but not men is the product of simply training myself to break down the assumed straightness I’ve spent most of my life living. I am fairly picky, but I meet many women I am attracted to. I really like the general idea of having sex with a guy, just not any specific one. Am I just trying to be a sexual tourist? Am I valuing queerness for the sake of it? Maybe my trepidation toward sex with a man is from the general societal constraints put on male-on-male loving?
Cock Observer Laments Disconnect
Or maybe you’re straight.
Lots of straight men like to look at cock, COLD, which is why there’s so much cock on display in porn created by and for heterosexual men. Straight men can identify with those hard cocks and live vicariously through them. But very few straight guys—no truly straight guys, many straight guys would argue—make the leap from admiring and/or being vicariously aroused by cock to actually sitting on one and/or finding other men attractive.
Accept that you’re straight, COLD, pursue the women you’re attracted to, and stay the hell away from heterophobic post-gender/post-modern/pan-sexual cultural-studies majors whose immaturity, self-loathing, and anger all manifest in a refusal to accept that a good guy can also be a straight guy.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
@98 – So there are lesbians who are sexually stimulated by pegging someone? Do you have awesome strap-ons that stimulate your clit while you’re fucking? I like pegging my husband, but that’s because I enjoy his pleasure and I enjoy the role switch. The activity itself is not sexually stimulating to me. Tips, anyone?
@101 Yes, the act of penetrating someone is sexually stimulating for me (and other lesbians), but for some added excitement I usually use a strap on with a pouch for a bullet vibrator or a double dildo. I’m no expert on the various types of sex toys out there though so maybe there are others with some ideas as well? Hope that helps!
EricaP: try using the Fun Factory Share double dildo: http://www.pinkcherry.com/searchprods.as…
It’ll give you penetration and clitoral stimulation while you’re pegging, which feels pretty awesome (although personally it’s not enough for me to orgasm from). You’ll want to use this with your legs together and your kegel muscles clenched as hard as you can ’cause otherwise it tends to slip out (even in my unusually tight vag).
Tantus makes a similar item with a hole for a bullet vibrator, but the Tantus toy looks ouchy-hard to me. YMMV.
And this is probably stupid-obvious but have you tried adjusting the position of your current strap-on? Maybe I’m just super-sensitive but I get a pretty good buzz from pegging with a strap-on as long as the base of the dong is nestled against my clit.
Oh, dear. It’s weird vibe time, again. This time it’s from IBS. I’m almost tempted to call it a fake.
Not that there’s anything fake about a self-identified lesbian who’s been with men before (‘cuz the identification part is all about personal autonomy), but she never really liked it and, frankly, penises freak her out.
If this letter is real, and she goes ahead with it, I’d suggest they get together in advance where the guys could strip down to g-strings, so their asses would be on display but not their cocks, to lessen any potential freakout. Also, if she’s planning on using her strap-on, then she should bring it with her, so they can measure the opening; after all, it’s only reasonable that they supply the dildo(es) in the preferred size … to keep afterwards.
I don’t know what her worry is about her strap-on skillz. After all, fucking is fucking (though it’s weird to see how she doubts herself, thinking the way she fucks another woman would probably “bore” a gay man). She may want to ask them if they have any preferred positions where height differences shouldn’t be a problem. If she wants to be sure the guys are getting enough pleasure out of the encounter, then they could rim each other first and do the lubing/stretching bit, as well as stimulating prostates, before she gets into position.
More questions for prior negotiation: Do the guys get to come? While she watches? Will she want to come (if she can from just using the strap-on alone)?
But I’m still skeptical, ‘cuz she mentioned their attractiveness (which shouldn’t make any difference if all penises freak her out). And she’s hoping to get a story out of it. Unless she’s going to write some M/M porn!fic (which many lesbians do, because it’s hot but not revealing personal sexuality), who’s she going to tell this story to?
@104 – to us, I hope 🙂
@101 I use a Share, but the Feeldoe works too. They’re strapless strapons–double dildos that press against the G-spot and clit, curving outward at the right angle for fucking. There’s even a realistic version now called the Realdoe that looks like a dick instead of a brightly colored dildo.
The first time I penetrated my partner with the Share I came approximately ten seconds later. If you can get it to work right (still using a harness to it won’t fall out helps) it is most definitely sexually stimulating.
Thanks to all for the dildo advice. I think the underlying problem for me is that I want a certain kind of intense stimulation, and it’s hard to see any of these set-ups working. But I freely admit that I’m unusually difficult to stimulate. Glad to hear you ladies get off as the active partners in fucking – that’s a beautiful thing to know.
@105
::giggles::
Nah. I’d rather read a true-life story on DS or SLOG from a genderqueer woman who wasn’t freaked out by body parts sticking out (and staring at her, lol) while pegging a couple of hot gay guys.
So … ::asks plaintively:: is there anybody out there who matches my description and wants to tell all here?
As a new mother, I would have loved it if my husband had been into breastmilk. Most of the time I wasn’t feeling sexy in my new role as a mother, and if my husband had been able to make something about the whole crazy baby-mama experience seem sexy, I would have been all over it.
Once again, Savage is completely arbitrary in which fetishes he accepts and rejects. If consent is truly the only measure of sexual morality, then there is nothing wrong with coprophilia.
Just because he is personally grossed out by it is no excuse, unless he wants to give a pass to people who are grossed out by homosexuality.
IBS, take it from me, fucking people you work with is a really bad idea. It doesn’t matter what the genders or orientations are. Find someone else to peg.
As for CSE, whoo-hoo, Dan! It’s not poo eating, but close enough!!
CSE Support (aka #24) I know what it’s like to be ashamed of a kink. My heart goes out to you. Best of luck.
Y’know, I’ve never been pregnant but I hope to be someday and I think I would be happy at the idea of my future husband being turned on by my breast milk. I am already so terrified by all the horror stories of men being turned off by their wives post-labor , I dunno, that particular kink would make me very very very happy.
Tazzo:
Concentrate on finding a decent guy who is into being a dad and the fetishes and temporary turn-ons and turn-offs won’t matter in the long run.
With any luck you’ll be spouses and parents for the rest of your lives. The post-partem sexlessness and general psychoses lasts for a few weeks to at the most a year or two.
Great column this week.
Hit’s high scores on every answer.
To MILK: You may have your wish whether or not she approves if you have relations with your wife before or after the child arrives. My experience was that my wife’s ample breasts leaked a significant amount when we made love… and was a visible sign of her arousal. I loved it. She wasn’t so cool about it, but when she saw that I loved it, she was ok with it. I still miss it. It was visible proof that she was turned on, and that I was the cause. Enjoy!
I miscarried at 24 weeks and began to lactate immediately afterwards. In my case it was all hormonal, I guess. It sure sucked, no pun intended. Because it only served to remind me of my loss.
I would have loved to spray my milk around willing recipients!
ty shw3nn.
@103 – Yay for Fun Factory! They are absolutely my favorite toymakers… 🙂
I’m with @83, I never leaked when I was nursing. I had plenty of milk, and fat healthy children, but my milk had to be sucked out, it didn’t emerge on its own. Even pumping was really hard for me.
So, MILK, you will have to wait and see. You might get lucky and be sprayed every time you have sex. You might get unlucky and find she’s physically incapable of spraying. Or something in between. Good luck.
@110 – From what I gather consent is not the only measure of morality. There is a line of unavoidable safety that also can not be crossed. At least that is what I gleaned from his various posts (As an example, breath play in this week’s podcast). I don’t have any sort of medical background so I would be fairly easily persuaded away from this position, but it seems to me that feces is filthy in a ‘you can get a variety of diseases really easily’ sort of way. While that can be said of sex, there is not, at least as far as I know, safe shit.
@110, I think you are missing the point. From a practical standpoint, there are some fetishes that you just aren’t going to find a partner to indulge you in unless you specifically look for someone who is into it. Some people even have sexual fantasies that are biologically impossible. “Reasonableness” doesn’t just have to do with morality. It also has to do with – is it reasonable to expect a person who is ordinarily GGG to go along with this? If it’s physically impossible, then no that’s an example of something unreasonable. For many people, dealing with shit is not physically possible because they’d vomit. But even when it is physically possible, it’s not something that even most GGG people want to deal with. The numbers are just not there.
agreed, diagoras. that’s how i read “unreasonable.” he didn’t say “disgusting” “foul” “loathsome” etc. like so many many people would say to a shit fetish. he just said, in essence, a shit fetishist cannot expect to be indulged by more than a fraction of a percent of humans, therefore it is not a reasonable expectation to have of the average partner. probably the fetishist himself knew this and was just throwing it out there on the very off chance he might get lucky.
My husband and I were going at it one time not long after our second child was born when he said that he wanted to suck my breast milk. I was more than a bit surprised by this, as he is one of the squarest guys on the planet. It was an incredible mutual turn on as my milk squirted into his mouth and he lapped it up, smiling, while our fat and happy son slept in the next room. Our baby-making days are over, but I’ll forever remember that afternoon with great fondness.
I’m truly surprised by the number of commenters who are suggesting to MILK different ways to make her come around. She isn’t game. She just isn’t. Who knows her reasoning–maybe she thinks it’s “gross” because she isn’t comfortable blurring the lines between husband and child in that way. Maybe she just wants her breast milk to be something she can share with her child, something that only the two of them share, one thing she can have with the baby that is hers and hers alone. Maybe she knows she wouldn’t enjoy it because she doesn’t appreciate being made to feel fetishized. Maybe she thinks the teeny aliens in her tits will disapprove and tattle to the Pope! No matter what, the point is she does. not. want. to. do it. And he needs to accept her boundaries.
If things change in the future, more power to him, but trying to persuade her to do it by telling her how Earth-mothery she is or eating her out and taking advantage of her leaking is downright manipulative, not to mention insulting. It’s also infantilizing; it assumes she would be into it eventually if she only knew better. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt (and women some credit, for that matter) and assume that she isn’t some prude who just needs to be shown the light, but rather is a person who isn’t comfortable–or, gasp! doesn’t find it super duper sexxxy!–with that particular act.
And to those who think it was a grand idea for him to tell her he thinks it’s a turn-on at that moment–because, hey, it’s a compliment!–think again. She was clearly distressed and trying to cope with what is no doubt a pretty traumatic life-changer, and all his comment did was remind her once again that her body is first and foremost sexual (to him?). Women are bombarded from all sides with the message that our bodies are primarily for straight male consumption, whether through the gaze or in the bedroom (that isn’t to say men legitimately believe this, but that’s the societal prescription nonetheless). For women, you can be who you want to be as long as you’re sexy while you do it. It’s exhausting, and to be frank, when your partner inadvertently reminds you of that fact, it can turn you defensive and angry in a hot second.
Body politics are rough and deeply complicated, so I don’t blame people who don’t think about it a whole lot. But for some reason this guy just really rubbed me the wrong way (I mean, obviously). I found myself thinking, “Not everything is about sex and not everything is about you.” Maybe that’s not really fair to MILK, I don’t know. I certainly love the fact that people are breaking sexual barriers and are making their desires known to their partners, but it’s a fine line between sharing something with someone you love and imposing it on them. This woman clearly isn’t interested. Just give her a fucking break.
@92 My thoughts on privacy and boundaries are the same – I alluded to getting caught off guard by my GF’s changes in my last comment: the pull back is both nice and disconcerting. Nice, because it indicates I’m heard and disconcerting because it does represent a bit of distancing.
You keep suggesting that I don’t really like her – that’s not really true. There are things *we* don’t really like about each other, but overall, we like each other very much. If everything were hunky-dory, I don’t think I’d be posting here or elsewhere about it. Yes, you’re absolutely right: people are different and I’m trying to work out if she and I are a good long term fit – if we can make our differences mesh nicely.
In response to your pegging question: I highly recommend the Nexus.
This has nothing to do with the letters and everything to do with strap-on harnesses. In fact, it’s pretty much a product testimonial.
I love the idea of double-sided dildos like the Nexus, but I find them really uncomfortable (as the penetrator), so, reluctantly, I started shopping around for harnesses. The absolutely most comfortable one I found was the SpareParts Joque. It’s made out of super-soft stretchy stuff. The hip straps tighten with velcro and both sets of straps adjust with those little strap clips you see on backpacks, so it fits really well. The straps are wide and soft enough that they don’t bite into your skin.
(Unless you like the skin-biting aspect of harnesses. Or maybe I’m the only one who gets eaten by harnesses!)
Also, the pouch is made to work for men (as a ball-holder-type deal) too. Since I am sans balls, I use it to tuck in a little bullet vibrator. Perfect!
AND–the awesomeness of this last aspect can not be overstated–IT IS MACHINE WASHABLE!!!!!
and a partner’s reasonable fetishes, kinks, and quirks should be accommodated.
This is a fundamental problem I’ve always had with Dan’s sexual ethics. What exactly makes a person’s fetish reasonable? In the bast, being gay was clearly an ‘unreasonable fetish’; why, to some people in this very day and age, it still is. What exactly makes scat play intrinsically ‘less reasonable’ than being gay — other than a belief that squeamishness when play with human waste is ‘deeper’ or ‘more justified’ than a squeamishness when playing with humans of the same sex?
@122, @123 — Diagoras, allarosa — even though I think I see what you’re trying to say and can sympathize with it, I have to disagree. After all, any kink, even the ones traditionally thought of as more ‘reasonable’ (say, a foot fetish, or light BDSM) is always shared by a minority of the population. Any kinkster, regardless of how reasonable his/her kink is, cannot assume that the person they’re with is going to accept this kink — the person in question may very well be revolted by it, no matter how ‘reasonable’ it is. I’m willing to guess that, even in this day and age, the majority of the population dislikes even the most ‘reasonable’ kinks — hell, you’re going to find lots of people who are still opposed even to oral or anal sex!
So the advice — you can’t “expect” a person to be GGG and accommodate a certain kink — is in practice true for any kink, no matter how “reasonable”. The American population just isn’t that open-minded… yet.
Which then makes the whole concept of “reasonableness” break down. There is no a priori reason I can think of why we should be in favor of more acceptance for, say, BDSMrs or foot fetishists, and that isn’t valid — and for precisely the same reason! — for scat fetishits.
I’m not necessarily saying that people have to go out of their way to accommodate any fetish in others; but at the very least they should not (as the LW doesn’t) think any less of someone who suggests scat play as they would of someone who mentions his/her foot fetish. At the very least! And, even if one is revolted by this idea of scat play (as many people are still revolted by the idea of BDSM or even foot fetishes), I think one should give it serious consideration. Is this person worth it? Would I go this far for him/her?
More important yet: would I be prepared to start a relationship with this person and allow him/her to get her scat play needs met elsewhere, if I really can’t do it for him/her?
Being GGG is not about having a list of “acceptable” kinks — if I can deal with items (a) through (f) I’m GGG! — but about learning to communicate with one’s partner, and thinking seriously and practically about the cost-benefit analysis of satisfying his/her needs.
Or else… paraphrasing what Dan once wrote to a girl who smugly described how she dumped a boy friend because he had a foot fetish and actually sexually enjoyed giving her foot massages: “If you turn away the honest, soft-spoken, respectful scat fetishist, you build up your sexual karma and may end up with the dishonest, disrespectful, yelling foot-fetishists or BDSMer (or maybe even necrophiliac serial killer)…”
A kink is a kink is a kink. A person is a person is a person. Period.
I love the idea of double-sided dildos like the Nexus, but I find them really uncomfortable (as the penetrator), so, reluctantly, I started shopping around for harnesses.
My former partner and I used the Nexus with a harness – an Aslan Leather Jock. The Nexus, unlike (IIRC) the Feeldoe, had a raised ridge positing for excellent clitoral stimulation.
MILK:
@125:
He’s just asking a question in a completely non-aggressive way about how to bring this up again, because it matters to him. I don’t know how many people who are judging MILK are married and/or parents, but having kids, while wonderful, can be as divisive between the two parents as it is wonderful. You need every bit of help you can get to make it through, and being open about your needs and desires (even allowing that you may develop new ones over time) can make the difference between a marriage that survives and one that doesn’t. Everything in a (long) marriage has to be negotiated, and unilaterally declaring certain innocuous issues off-limits, claiming “my body, my rules” doesn’t bode well for the future.
@127 The SpareParts Joque is AWESOME. Definitely my favorite harness ever. I use it with my Share and it takes away any and all worries about it getting pulled out. I love my Share so much I haven’t tried it with any other dildos, but I can definitely see how it would work well for holding a vibrator. It’s a wonderfully versatile harness.
@130 The Feeldoe has little bumps for clitoral stimulation, but either I’m shaped oddly or it is because they don’t hit me in the right spot.
128, i see your point, but, let’s face it, i’d rather eat out a woman (and i’m a female kinsey 1 or 0–NO interest), then engage in shit play. this is going to be true of the vast majority of otherwise ggg folks. that means that, of the people with relatively tolerant and open minds, this is a fetish too far. so, you take this minority of the population, then take from that the tiny fraction of them who will indulge shit play, and you’ve got yourself an unreasonable expectation of anyone but another fetishist/professional bringing you to heaven. compare that to how much trouble it is for a gay man to find another gay man in the course of his daily life. even in conservative backwaters they can expect to eventually find each other without the internet. can you really say that about the poo-aphiles?
justchecking @115 –Better to find someone you click with sexually and with whom you can negotiate your disagreements civilly. If you see your husband as primarily a “dad,” that’s almost guaranteeing the end of your sex-life right there.
blissmine @125, you’re saying he should leave her alone if she’s not interested in sexualizing pregnancy. My “Earthmother” talk is about how to keep her feeling sexy all the way through pregnancy and child-rearing. This is an important topic, because many marriages hit a wall around that time, and the sex drops off. For some, it comes back, and they may have many years of happiness ahead of them. For others, it never comes back, and the marriage as a true communion is more or less over, even though a friendship may remain. Our society hypersexualizes young women, and then trivializes or ridicules the sexuality of mothers and older women. That’s a dangerous trap. Attitudes like yours (if your wife is feeling unsexy, leave her alone and don’t try to show her that she is still sexy) – that is part of the problem.
cvilletop @126, thanks for answering my intrusive questions – and best wishes to the both of you!
110/121/122/123/133 Re asking people to participate in the less common fetishes.
I’m with ankylosaur @128. One option is to look for partners who prides themselves on being open-minded, unconventional, and eager to try new things, whether that’s food, books, art, or sex. Or look for submissive partners, who can often find real pleasure in submitting to other people’s kinks. The point is to approach it as a fun game, appreciate each little baby step of progress, and to take care of your partner’s kinks as well.
And, no, shit doesn’t have to be dangerous. Eating your own shit is not that dangerous, I gather. And playing with shit is no more dangerous than having anal sex, which lots of people do. Just wash your hands & toys afterward.
to Cold: try craiglist, there’s almost always some ad about a guy with a glory hole set up in his home. Usually this guy is looking to suck guys through his glory hole – NSA. But hey you might find a guy you’ll let you do the sucking. it’s worth a shot. Or try a sex club that has glory holes.
I have never been in a relationship with a nursing woman. However, my partner has told me that when she was a young mother her boobs were absolutely off-limits to all but her precious offspring. Apparently she was quite fierce about this.
Who knows how something this primal will play out in any relationship.
_____________
One word in your post tells us you have some jealousy issues concerning your partner’s children. Figure it out.
It would be unreasonable to expect someone who is not into homosexuality to actually engage in homosexuality. Same for shit eating. I don’t think Dan has any problem with people who act on their aversion to gay sex by not having gay sex. It becomes a problem when they say that other people who are into gay sex can’t have gay sex. Recall the rant about Huckabee–Dan is disgusted by the images of Mike Huckabee having sex with his wife, but Huckabee is free to do whatever he wants in bed, as long as his wife is OK with it.
wow number nine, that sounds great… Why anyone would want that experience I will never know. No kids, no pregnancy and dear god no cranky, selfish, entitled new mothers. I’m sure your husband had a fantastic time as well. Go team.
_____________
Wow… bitter much? So, her husband is getting his jollies as she does ALL the work looking after THEIR child yet the only thing you get from her post is how the “poor, childish, self-entitled new father” is being mis-treated.
I’d like to thank you for the world for NOT ever having children or inflicting your self-entitled, immature attitude onto a woman.
Psst! If you’re in a relationship and you’re too lazy to contribute something – anything – then, yep, folks get annoyed.
Grow up.
@128 Being gay still falls fully in the unreasonable category if you are straight. And vice versa. If a lesbian asks her partner to fuck a man, the partner gets to say “No” and still be GGG.
Remember that we’re talking about behaviors you are being requested to engage in.
So, it isn’t even necessarily about sexual orientation. It’s unreasonable to ask a person to have sex with a person they don’t want to have sex with. You can refuse that and still be GGG. I’m just going by my memory of Dan’s previous GGG calls, by the way.
But you’re right. These are judgment calls. There are harmful and life threatening bacteria in poo. That also makes rimming dangerous. There are life threatening STIs so, fretting about E. Coli is not an airtight explanation.
This isn’t a priori. It is completely a posteriori.
GGG means you accommodate requests that you are able to accommodate with some comfort. You get to turn down stuff you can not stomach doing. That’s the a priori proposition but it can’t be evaluated in practice.
Once a person has refused a request, how do you know they are truly averse to the thing or are just being selfish? You don’t. You can’t. We can’t read minds.
It really comes down to 3 things:
1. Can you personally empathize with the person’s inability to accommodate?
2. Are there extenuating circumstances specific to this person concerning this act e.g., a rape victim requested to be the sub in some light BDSM.
3. Statistically, what are the chances of finding a person who could make the accommodation?
Dan is in a special position to evaluate number 3 because people write to him about this very subject. So, if he tells us that scat is one of the most common things that people find themselves unable to accommodate who aren’t into in themselves, we should take him at his word.
Once, while nursing my oldest son, I was approached by a friend of a friend with an odd proposal (her words, not mine). Her husband had a milk kink/fetish and they had no plans to have babies soo, and she wondered if I could express some milk for her to give him. I asked for a shot glass, went into the rest room, and he had an ounce or so to taste. His reaction was disappointment. Just warm milk, nothing hot or sexy at all. Now, that was the taste, not the spray, so not the same fetish. But sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality. Possibly MILK’s wife will spray on him (and it very well could be accidentally) and maybe he won’t like it as much as he thinks he will, and the whole thing might resolve itself.
I have a technical question….I have never once heard of an instance of a genuine *female* scat fetishist? Are they out there? I have only ever heard of guys who are into it, and the women they pay (if they are straight)….
Perhaps I am just naive, since as GGG as I am, this is definitely something I am afraid I would have to turn down! So I have never really done much research on it, lol, besides what Dan prints. Glad my men aren’t into it; I think I could probably manage a tinkle, but I am even shy about going #2 in public restrooms, lol!
I ask my question above, just because….think about how difficult it would be to have this fetish as a straight man….are there and women who actually *exist* who share it? They are probably extremely rare, if they indeed exists. Or only those who will (probably) reluctantly tolerate it?
That is really sad for them! At least with the foot fetishist, a lot of ladies really like getting foot rubs!
When I was still lactating, I started dating a guy who was overly obsessed with my breasts… I figured, having been pretty much flat-chested most of my life, that that was just how guys get when faced with big, bouyant titties… and for the most part, I think I was right. Except this guy… he was more than a little into them, he couldn’t stop mauling the poor things. Not paying the right amount of attention during a good bout of fucking one night, I realized that he was spending a little too much time sucking on my nipple and asked flat out, “dude, are you trying to NURSE???”
I’m sorry, but I was completely and utterly grossed out. Had he maybe mentioned that he would like to try some breast milk some time, I might have been a little more accommodating, but really, to just get in there and breastfeed? Yuck.
When I was still lactating, I started dating a guy who was overly obsessed with my breasts… I figured, having been pretty much flat-chested most of my life, that that was just how guys get when faced with big, bouyant titties… and for the most part, I think I was right. Except this guy… he was more than a little into them, he couldn’t stop mauling the poor things. Not paying the right amount of attention during a good bout of fucking one night, I realized that he was spending a little too much time sucking on my nipple and asked flat out, “dude, are you trying to NURSE???”
I’m sorry, but I was completely and utterly grossed out. Had he maybe mentioned that he would like to try some breast milk some time, I might have been a little more accommodating, but really, to just get in there and breastfeed? Yuck.
@143 I just did a search on Fetlife for people with a scat fetish. The majority are male, but about 1 in 5 identify themselves as female. They’re not terribly rare in comparison to the guys. You just need to look for them instead of hoping a random vanilla person will share the fetish.
badgirl@142, I did a quick scan just now in the scat/poo lovers group on FetLife. About 5% of the members were women, of whom about half looked to be submissive and about half were dominant.
One wrote on her home page:
“Young, attractive, selective and extremely kinky. I get off on severe degradation and humiliation. How severe? Scatplay, golden showers, enemas, roman showers, wallowing in dirt… you get the idea.”
Also, doing #2 in front of my husband is much easier than doing it in a public restroom. I don’t like strangers hearing me, but I feel safe with my husband. Feels totally different.
hmmmm. You learn something new everyday. Great odds for those gals!!! Thanks for the info, I don’t think my work filter would take too kindly to that site, but for some reason, has no problem with Savage love, lol!
@146 – Ha, funny. I’ll cede to your stats; mine were very slapdash.
EricaP@147 5%? I must have been hitting unusually female heavy pages when I was scanning through. But they are definitely out there.
@146/150 Yep 🙂
I’m not into shit, but I find it strange and disappointing that Dan doesn’t do more to calmly address the ick-response to it. I’d like to see him point out with every mention of pegging etc that this involves potentially dealing with shit and its consequences for STIs, that parents clean up shit all the time without going into fits, and that everybody old enough to have sex should be mature enough to discuss any bodily function and fluid without freaking out. Kinda seems like there’d be a lot fewer guys grossed out by gay men (or ashamed of their desire to be pegged) if those guys spent more time wiping babies’ butts.