I’m a young heteroflexible guy who has been a “sugar baby” for a handful of wealthy older guys. I love it! I get money, I have fun being with them, and the guys seem to like having me around. The problem is that I just got with a new guy who is really great except for one thing: He is HIV positive. I like the fact that he told me, and I am open to being with him sexually even though I am HIV negative and want to stay that way.
He is VERY submissive—he wants to be used and abused sexually, physically, and mentally. My question is, what kinds of sex acts are okay to do with this guy? I read on one site that him rimming me is fine, and on another that him giving me a blowjob with a condom is safe, too. But I can’t find a site that specifically explains which sex acts are safe and which ones aren’t when one person is positive and one person is negative.
Help In Virginia
It’s pretty simple, HIV: Sex acts that expose you to his semen and/or blood are definitely unsafe, and sex acts that expose him to your semen and/or blood are mostly safe. Rimming you, blowing you (even without a condom), getting fucked by you (with a condom)—all very low risk for HIV transmission. If he’s on a drug regimen and his viral load is undetectable, HIV, your already-low risks of being exposed while, say, accepting a blowjob (and a check) are even lower. The risks aren’t nonexistent—all sex acts carry some degree of risk—but if the risks were any closer to nonexistent, they’d be sitting on nonexistent’s lap.
And bear this in mind: Odds are good that some of the other guys you’ve babied for—some of your previous daddies—were HIV positive and either didn’t know or didn’t have the decency to disclose. This guy’s willingness to disclose is evidence not just of his honesty and decency, HIV, but of his respect for you and his commitment to keeping you safe. This guy is less likely to ask you to engage in sex acts that are higher risk or unsafe than a guy who isn’t aware that he’s positive or is actively hiding the fact that he’s positive. And his interest in being “used and abused” creates lots of hot safe-sex-play options—letting him beat off while he licks your boots or jerking him off while he’s tied to the bed with your jock in his mouth are no-risk sexual activities that he’s likely to enjoy immensely.
I’m a 24-year-old straight guy. I’ve been with my girl for three years, and things are great—great sex life, great communication, etc. We have lots of sex—but for the last year or so, she has not been on birth control and we have not been using condoms. We’re not against the idea of a child, but we aren’t currently going for it. I was always told that pulling out was a 100 percent ineffective method of birth control. So my question is, I guess, could there be something wrong with one of us? How could we have unprotected sex for a year without getting her pregnant? We both really want children eventually and are worried it might not happen.
Sent From My iPhone
Withdrawal is a much more effective birth control method than most sex advisers are comfortable acknowledging. But facts are facts: A comprehensive study conducted by researchers at the Guttmacher Institute found that withdrawal was almost as effective a birth control option as condoms. (“Better Than Nothing or Savvy Risk-Reduction Practice? The Importance of Withdrawal,” Contraception, June 2009.)
“If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year,” the authors of the study wrote. That compares pretty favorably with the 2 percent of straight couples who will become pregnant using condoms perfectly over the course of a year.
In the real world, of course, very few people do anything perfectly. When you take mistakes, leaks, and broken condoms into account, researchers estimate that 17 percent of straight couples who rely on condoms will become pregnant in any given year. Not all withdrawers use withdrawal perfectly, either—amazingly enough, some guys get distracted and forget to pull out as their orgasms approach—but the research shows that just 18 percent of straight couples who use withdrawal will get pregnant in any given year.
So odds are good that you’re not infertile, SFMi, just lucky.
I’m a young lesbian. I recently met a girl who’s cute, and I think we’re on the likely-to-have-sex-soon track. The thing is, she confided in me that she’s participated in needle play in dungeon-party situations. I’m not someone who is turned off by kinkiness just ’cause it’s kinky, but it seems like even “safe” needle play is a recipe for STI transmission unless you’re playing with trained medical professionals. She says she gets tested regularly, but still, would it be really risky for me to sleep with her?
Enthusiastic Reader
Every time I’ve watched needle play in a dungeon-party situation—watched with my hands clamped over my eyes, peeking through the small spaces between my fingers—no one was being stuck with rusty needles by dirty-handed brutes. All the public needle-play scenes I’ve witnessed were ostentatiously sterile affairs: These kinksters, some of whom were trained medical professionals, made a big show of using alcohol wipes, cotton swabs, latex gloves, and clean sharps. I think it’s fair to ask this girl for more information about her blood and needle experiences, about the safety precautions that her partners took, and about how recently she was tested. But rest assured, ER, that the most effective STI transmission routes involve sticking dicks in people in completely vanilla situations, not clean needles in dungeon-party situations.
Here’s some information for MILK, the man who is aroused by the thought of being sprayed with his wife’s breast milk: It is common for newly lactating women to experience strong “milk ejection reflexes” during sex. This is induced by the hormone oxytocin, which is released during labor and orgasm, and when the milk “lets down” during breast-feeding. In other words: New mothers often spray milk when they get off. Most women are embarrassed when this happens, but at least MILK’s wife will know the first time it happens that her husband isn’t going to freak out about it.
Breast-feeding Educator’s Sex Tips
Thanks for sharing, BEST.
CONFIDENTIAL TO AMERICAN LADIES: Republicans took the House of Representatives after campaigning on jobs, debt, and taxes. But it’s been nonstop assaults on Planned Parenthood and reproductive freedom ever since. The GOP is always going on and on about how they want to shrink the size of government, and now we know why: They want to stuff the government in your vagina.
CONFIDENTIAL TO CANADIAN EVERYBODIES: Please go to www.shitharperdid.com, have a laugh, and then do what you can to send Stephen Harper packing or, failing that, deny him a majority. Pretty please?
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Great advice for HIV.
It’s virtually impossible to contract HIV through oral sex – giving or receiving – as, in the entire history of the virus, there have been fewer than five recorded cases of this happening. Rimjobs are the same.
While it is not difficult to get HIV through barebacking a poz bottom (with a high enough viral load), your best bet is simply this: don’t let anyone come in your anus or vagina. Done.
For comparison purposes, SFMiP, here are some data regarding the chance of pregnancy within one year for those women who don’t use any contraception method (not even withdrawal):
age 15-19: more than 70%
age 20-24: more than 45%
age 25-34: more than 30%
age 35+: about 15%
Taken from Figure 1 of “Measuring Contraceptive Use Patterns Among Teenage and Adult Women,” Family Planning Perspectives, 1999; 31(2): 73-80. [paper available at http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/… ]
So, a surprisingly large fraction of people who aren’t using any method still don’t get pregnant within just one year.
Thank you thank you thank you for mentioning Harper and asking people to not vote for him. ANYONE BUT HARPER!!!
What kind of flying monkey would I be if I didn’t already vote Green in the advance polls yesterday? (The Green party is the only one that puts LGBT rights on their platform.)
“Sex acts that expose you to his semen and/or blood are definitely unsafe, and sex acts that expose him to your semen and/or blood are mostly safe.”
But what does “expose” mean in this context Dan?
HIV is a BLOOD disease- NOT (arguably)a sexually transmitted disease. To get HIV you need more than body-to-body contact. You need blood to blood or spooj to blood contact. Saliva does not work nearly as well for several reasons. Even if he bites you during a blowjob the chances of HIV are almost zero. You bleed OUT, NOT in! Also, the viral load in saliva is very low so kissing- even open mouth tongues- is probably fine.
#2 mostly explained the deal. You cannot get HIV from being exposed to even high viral load spooj on your skin or even in your (non-micro torn) Vagina. Problem for gay guys is while sweaty, dripping female gashes are pretty tough to tear, especially with just a tiny bit of gentleness (and lube) the butthole is a LOT more likely to have a micro-tear and thus transmit the virus when you inject fluid with HIV into the chamber. You don’t have to bleed for a micro tear, it probably happens most of the time when you have anal sex but you going inside your sub is probably not a problem- even without a condom. If the sub is going to switch hit I would make him wear TWO condoms.
As for the infertile guy if he is really worried, you can get a sperm sample pretty easy and it is only about $150.00 to get a count even without insurance. I had no idea playing dump truck was so effective and I am not sure why so many of my friends in college got pregnant. Maybe he is just disciplined rather than infertile? I guess you could also switch holes at the last minute just like they do in the movies.
ER is absolutely crazy if he thinks his biggest worry with this girl is the needle play. I am guessing that ladies who do the BDSM scene and let themselves get tortured in public are, as Dan suggests, a whole lot more likely to have contracted an STD the old fashioned way. It is just an assumption but a good one, I think.
Actually the GOP stalwarts are afraid of Vaginas- they really want to stuff government up your ass.
Wow, SFMi could have been written by me. Five years, no birth control (other than withdrawal), no mistakes, and no pregnancies.
Hey Canuck, you’re actually mistaken.
The NDP also list LGBT rights in their platform, if you look under section 5.13 “Promoting Equality Rights in Canada” (I checked, to make sure). And it’s no secret that they’re for LGBT rights, for example, they were big supporters of gay marriage when it was getting passed, if I remember correctly.
But hey, I wouldn’t be complaining if the Green Party got elected, I’m just sayin’.
Already been to shitharperdid.com
I would vote for him, but I still have three months before I’m 18.
Let’s hope Jack Layton and Elizabeth May beat the crap out of him.
Already been to shitharperdid.com
I would vote for him to leave, but I still have three months before I’m 18.
Let’s hope Jack Layton and Elizabeth May beat the crap out of him.
Well Mr Cunuck that depends
If you got a Tory in 1st or 2nd place and Mr or Mrs Green in a distant 3rd or 4th then you might very well be pissing your vote away on someone who cant win rather than supporting the Lib or NDP (im just guessing you aint a francophone from Quebec…)dude/dudess who might not be ideologically pure but can, you know, actually stop a bona fide homophobe winning.
Shit Harper did? Priceless!
I am tremendously pleased by the surge of the NDP, but I’ll again vote Liberal because their candidate in my riding is really good. Otherwise? I might have voted Green.
People still use the withdrawal method as their only form of birth control?
Please please please please no Harper majority. Thanks Dan for remembering us!
Also @9 & 10, great that you’ll be voting next time around.
And @11 I think Cunuck (sic) is a dudess…
Canuck, the Liberals were the ones who passed gay marriage in 2005. They also stand the best chance of ousting Harper.
Problem is, there’s 1 right-wing party and 3 left-wing parties in Canada right now. They’ll split the vote and Harper will get back in. Wish Liberals and NDP would join forces . . .
@6
The fact that you recommended using two condoms (which practically guarantees breakage) puts the entire remainder of your long post firmly in the unsubstantiated-opinion garbage bag.
@16 Agreed. Plus he thought the “young lesbian” ER was a guy.
I’m repeating @16 because I think what they said is worth reading even though the user is unregistered:
@6
The fact that you recommended using two condoms (which practically guarantees breakage) puts the entire remainder of your long post firmly in the unsubstantiated-opinion garbage bag.
Posted by Registered users are still anonymous…
@17 you beat me to it on the male lesbian catch!
@13, yes people DO still use withdrawal as a primary/only form of birth control. And for some of those people, it’s not even news that it IS an effective method. There is a bias against it in the medical profession, just like there is a bias against Fertility Awareness (reading body signals about ovulation which is NOT the same as rhythm method). There’s no money in either of these methods for the medical industry. But if you’re in a monogamous het. relationship and you’ve educated yourself, you know that these two methods combined can mean very very effective, no barrier, no hormone birth control. Dan’s stats showing withdrawal as approaching the effectiveness of condoms wasn’t news to me, but I’m ever grateful that he made it news to those who buy in to the BS propaganda against it.
The other reason the medical/educational industry has trouble teaching withdrawal is that effective withdrawal means careful attention to bodily sensation. Teaching effective condom use can be done with a banana and very detached, medical language. Teaching effective withdrawal requires a language/knowledge our culture of sexual shame just isn’t capable of articulating comfortably. But just because people are ineffective at talking about it doesn’t mean it’s an ineffective method.
It’s interesting hearing about people using pulling-out as birth control. I was always told that there is sperm in pre-come, so I should always use protection.
@22 yes there can be a miniscule amount of sperm in pre-come, but statistically speaking, you would have to be extremely unlucky to actually get pregnant from that (considering how many millions of sperm a “low sperm count” guy can have with no reproductive success).
I think the fact is: if you’re absolutely terrified of abortion, absolutely not ready for children and/or your partner is unreliable, then withdrawal is not for you.
My second child was conceived with just only Pre-cum but it took 6 years between the first and the second with my Ex-Wife. We used the withdrawal method for years and it was pretty effective if you do it right.
I thought that if you were considered Hetero-flexible you were pretty much a straight guy that would bang females mostly and an occasional shemale or get a blow job from a buddy after too much drinking? I think that HIV is more likely Homosexual or Homo-Flexible if there is such a thing (if there isn’t then I get credit for coming up with a new term). Homo-Flexible: willing same sex “sugar-baby” that will perform sexual favors for gifts and money regardless of HIV status…..
To HIV, rule #1 is no swapping body fluids. Rule #2 is no swapping body fluids. Rule #3 is if in doubt, see rule 1 and rule 2.
*Protect your hands. Cuts on your cuticles? Scrapes or papercuts? Blue nitrile gloves are your friend.
*Protect your feet. If you have any cuts or sores or blisters, wear shoes.
*Treat any spilled body fluids (aka jizz on the floor) as hazmat. Bleach, lysol, or dettol to clean it up, and use a mop or a scrub brush so you don’t touch it with your hands.
*Condoms on for everything…oral, frot, everything. The only exception is if he’s masturbating in such a way that you will not get splashed.
*Saran wrap or a dental dam if you are rimming.
*Any penetrative toys, like buttplugs or dildos, should be wrapped in a condom before use. Non-penetrative toys, like gags, floggers, cock rings, etc, should be made out of a material that is easy to clean, and all toys should be cleaned with bleach/lysol/dettol after use.
*If you’re whipping or flogging him, DO NOT DRAW BLOOD.
*Always use lots and lots of water-based lube…if you go dry, you risk tearing the tissues, which causes bleeding, which increases the likelihood of transmission.
If you do use toys, it’s a good idea to use his toys, and ONLY his toys. You might use your toys on somebody else, so keep them separate.
A “body check” is a good idea…see if you or he have any cuts, sores, or wounds, and making sure they are covered by plastic bandages if possible. When not possible, avoid touching them. Don’t forget mouth ulcers, either.
Something Dan didn’t mention, and it’s important, is that this isn’t just for you, it’s for your partner. If he’s pos, then any of your bugs that are a minor annoyance to you can be very very bad for him…your snotty nose could be his pneumonia. Not breaking the skin when you flog him is so important, you don’t want to have him get a wound that gets infected.
So, at the end of all of that, if you’re wearing blue nitrile gloves, and you have a subbie who wants to have his mind fucked with, you could always get yourself a lab coat and play with your lab assistant. All kinds of experiments, in posture, positions, mixing “chemicals” for you (mmmmm, something non-oil-based to pour on him), measuring reactions…yeah.
@20 You know, those stats were news to me. I didn’t know that withdrawal could be roughly as effective as condoms, partially because, as Makenna said, I was always told that “even if the man pulls out, there could be sperm in his cleansing fluid OMG.”
However, what I still don’t understand, is why people would only use one method in the first place. If you’re going to pull out, great, but why not use a condom, too? Or, like you said, why not use withdrawal AND fertility awareness (which I do know has the potential to be as effective as hormonal birth control)? Personally, I’m just too paranoid to be comfortable with only one method (I use the pill and condoms).
However, I think another reason the medical industry shies away from teaching these methods may be the main target audience of sex education: teenagers. If you tell a teenage boy that he can put on a condom before sex, or pull out before he finishes, he’d probably pick withdrawal, but he’d probably be less likely to fail with a condom. Right? But obviously I can see how adult relationships would benefit from being educated in both/all possible methods. I’d say there’s a clear disconnect between that research and what most women are hearing from their OB/GYN when they ask about birth control options.
It’s annoying when you weigh in on Canadian politics. You know nothing of Canadian politics.
In terms of gay rights, each and every Canadian party (except the Greens, who weren’t around) has been against gay rights until very recently. It will make absolutely no difference to gay rights regardless of who is elected.
In Atlantic Canada, it is very difficult for women to get abortions, but the Conservatives never get elected in Atlantic Canada. Reproductive rights have nothing to do with the parties. All parties are equally useless on abortion rights. Again, you know nothing of Canadian politics.
Most rights related to sex, like abortion and many same sex rights, came about through the Supreme Court of Canada, and not the political parties.
And shitharperdid.com is just so much…shit.
I checked out the first link which said:
“In 2008, Linda Keen President of the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission reported that the aging Chalk River nuclear facility was at a risk 1000 times greater than the international average. Harper quickly fired her.”
But if you actually check, she was fired because she stopped the production of life-saving isotopes. Canada is the world’s biggest producer. Her actions placed the lives of people all over the world in immediate danger. So, she was fired for being an idiot.
I do not care for the American perspective in politics, that misrepresents every act and position by the other side and attempts to smear them with lies.
Your influence can only bring the sort of idiot divisiveness that infects your country’s politics. Please, shut up about Canadian politics.
@ 26 – You do know that they make drugs to control paranoia nowadays right?
I’ve had two 3-year relationships with HIV+ guys, had thousands of sex partners, just followed two simple rules – no coming in the mouth, no anal without condoms – and I never got infected.
But frankly, I’m amazed that we still have to repeat this in 2011. On which planet have you been living all this time? And I’m not just talking to the LW.
Finally, please everyone, do yourselves a favour and don’t listen to Professor. As others have pointed out, wearing two condoms is the easiest way to ensure that they break. That’s serious misinformation he’s spreading (I wonder if he could get arrested for that?).
HIV seems like a pleasant enough person and the existence of heteroflexible people is doubtless a good thing, but I do hope he isn’t being greedy and denying a young gay man of his age and level of attraction both a potentially much needed source of income and an experience that is likely to be of considerably greater utility to his future. If I’d had even one mentor when I was his age, I’d have turned out vastly better than I did, even without any cash changing hands and not counting how much better I might have become at sex. Maybe HIV will be so kind as to pass on any superfluous daddies to a gay friend.
And while I fully support the rights of straight-chasers to enjoy themselves in the manner of their choosing, and in the best case striaght chasing might lead to the construction of bridges we’d never see built by other means, it can make me so sad sometimes. I’m still really depressed about BILL who cheated with his partner’s straight brother under rather meagre circumstances but still can’t get over him and wants to repeat an encounter that might be likened to playing with a nuclear bomb.
@ 28 – I agree with your point about the Supreme Court, but you’re extremely naive if you think that Harper cared about saving lives.
@22 Makenna –
It seems there are some sperm in pre-come that can swim, according to one study of 27 men’s pre-come published in 2011:
[ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21155… ].
I don’t know what the risk of pregnancy from pre-come alone is (I haven’t found any studies of this, likely because I imagine this would be difficult to study rigorously), but it’s likely to be somewhere between 0% and 7-18% (the risk of pregnancy using the withdrawal method alone).
mydriasis: Oh, my bad, I remembered reading that somewhere, that they were the only ones to specify it as part of their platform…NDP would be my second choice!
Neil83: This “dudess” used to vote Liberal, for those reasons, but now I’m hoping we can elect some Green MPs who’ll put forth the kind of things I’d like to see in Parliament.
Canadian, eh?: If there were any kind of realistic chance of actually ousting Harper, I’d vote Liberal, of course. My sense from the polls is that we’ll get another minority government with Harper leading it. I wish we could revisit the idea of a coalition, though. I think the Greens (and maybe NDP) are the only ones who will work to put forward anything that’s truly progressive.
slidebone: If we Canadians can comment here on this US site, I think people in the States should be able to comment on Canadian politics, don’t you? Telling people to vote is hardly being divisive, is it? Telling people to vote Harper out of office, oh my, what a strange thing to say on this lefty blog, who woulda thunk it?
Neptune and listedasmygun –
Based on the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth (data from 7,643 women), fertility awareness methods have a 23% risk of pregnancy within one year:
[ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles… ].
You seem to think it’s more effective than this (Neptune, you compare it favorably with hormonal methods, which have a failure rate of about 9% in one year). Please share your data.
To SFMi: I have been in a couple of committed relationships, each lasting for several years. During all this time, I always used withdrawing as contraceptive method. I never got any of my previous partners pregnant. The trick is having some degree of control over your ejaculation and being able to tell when the semen is actually coming down the pipe and pull off on time. The actual withdrawing doesn’t have to compromise the intensity of the orgasm and there are lots of cool things you can do with your load: she can jerk you off with using her hands or mouth, you can spray it all over her, remove a previously inserted butt blog and come into her ass, etc…
@Canuck: The NDP made getting the batshit Exodus peeps off the charity list an actual platform mission. But I voted Green too 🙂
If you’re using withdrawal as your primary means of birth control (and by primary, I mean only) be prepared to seek an abortion. Not saying that it’ll necessarily happen, but if you absolutely cannot get an abortion (for example, you live in South Dakota or some equally Godforsaken state) you should probably consider using a condom or hormonal birth control as well. A previous partner and I used withdrawal as our primary means of birth control, I got pregnant three weeks later, got an abortion eight weeks after that, had an IUD inserted at the same time and that was that. I was like, well, guess that serves me right!
Also, I’m voting NDP because they have the best chance of beating the Conservative candidate in my closely-held riding. May 2nd!
Woot, fannerz! And yeah, my vote is lost in my conservative riding, KayElle, just like my US vote is lost when I vote in Wyoming…but if there’s a chance of ousting a Conservative, that’s awesome, I’m really impressed with Jack Layton, as well as May.
Last comment tonight, and then I need to go to sleep…
So, it turns out that it’s very difficult to assess the risk of catching HIV from oral sex that includes ejaculation. Here’s a roundtable discussion of experts who cite data (and argue back and forth about all the pitfalls of epidemiologic data–one easy-to-understand problem is that people who have receptive oral sex often have anal sex as well, and infections get chalked up exclusively to the anal sex).
[ http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/InSite?page=pr… ]
The risk of HIV transmission from oral sex plus ejaculation is probably not zero, and may account for 7% of all cases of HIV infection in the US (others even say 10-15%).
[Dillon B, Hecht FM, Swanson M, et al. Primary HIV infections associated with oral transmission. Program and abstracts of the 7th Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections; January 30-February 2, 2000; San Francisco, Calif. Abstract 473.]
The risk of oral sex WITHOUT ejaculation is also probably not zero, as there has been at least one case report of HIV transmission in this scenario–and HIV has been found in pre-come. The risk, though, likely isn’t as high as fellatio WITH ejaculation.
[ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12286…]
I don’t want to get into the data behind herpes and oral gonorrhea risk; like I said, I need sleep tonight.
In any case, my point is this: If you want to reduce your risk of infection, you must reduce your exposure to potentially-infectious body fluids and therefore must use a condom. Every time, every act. And get tested regularly, because nothing’s perfect.
I still have problem grasping the hetero-flexible thing.
Your answers are always spot on Dan.
@33
“slidebone: If we Canadians can comment here on this US site, I think people in the States should be able to comment on Canadian politics, don’t you?”
To generalize, no.
I think Americans can comment on Canadian politics if their comments are well-informed. Dan’s comments are not well-informed. I would actually like to read a well-informed position on Canadian politics from an American (it would be a first). Canadians can’ comment on American politics if Canadians are well-informed. Canadians are very informed on American politics. This is because we can’t stand the US.
So my answer to your first question is generally no, Americans are generally too ignorant to comment on Canada.
“Telling people to vote is hardly being divisive, is it?”
You are right, telling people to vote is not divisive. You have made a statement I agree with. I suppose you think you have me on the run at this point, but no, it turns out I said that lying and misinformation was divisive, not merely telling people to vote.
“Telling people to vote Harper out of office, oh my, what a strange thing to say on this lefty blog, who woulda thunk it?”
It’s not all that surprising that someone would say to vote Harper out of office. You are right. It’s not that surprising that Dan link’s to a site full of half-truths that distort Harper’s record.
And it’s not surprising that the site is crap. It’s not surprising that supporters of Harper are made villains by hostile media.
But this is the mischaracterization and smearing that alienates both sides. What a waste. Even if it’s no surprise.
I practiced the withdrawal method for three years with my previous partner and I’m going on two years with my current partner. (Both partners were / are 30+ years old, which may make it easier for them to exercise control, and I knew before we were sexually active that they were STD-free.) So far, there have been no pregnancy scares, let alone a pregnancy itself. I practiced FAM in the past and usually know when I’m ovulating, so I’m always extra careful around that time of month. I do admit to feeling sheepish about it and have told doctors that I’m using condoms when the subject of birth control has come up.
On the subject of pre-ejaculate, the last study I read said that pre-E does NOT contain viable sperm. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12286… As I understand it, there is a risk of pregnancy if a man ejaculates and then continues to have vaginal intercourse, but pre-E itself is safe.
I practiced the withdrawal method for three years with my previous partner and I’m going on two years with my current partner. (Both partners were / are 30+ years old, which may make it easier for them to exercise control, and I knew before we were sexually active that they were STD-free.) So far, there have been no pregnancy scares, let alone a pregnancy itself. I practiced FAM in the past and usually know when I’m ovulating, so I’m always extra careful around that time of month. I do admit to feeling sheepish about it and have told doctors that I’m using condoms when the subject of birth control has come up.
On the subject of pre-ejaculate, the last study I read said that pre-E does NOT contain viable sperm. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12286… As I understand it, there is a risk of pregnancy if a man ejaculates and then continues to have vaginal intercourse, but pre-E itself is more or less safe.
I practiced the withdrawal method for three years with my previous partner and I’m going on two years with my current partner. (Both partners were / are 30+ years old, which may make it easier for them to exercise control, and I knew before we were sexually active that they were STD-free.) So far, there have been no pregnancy scares, let alone a pregnancy itself. I practiced FAM in the past and usually know when I’m ovulating, so I’m always extra careful around that time of month. I do admit to feeling sheepish about it and have told doctors that I’m using condoms when the subject of birth control has come up.
On the subject of pre-ejaculate, the last study I read said that pre-E does NOT contain viable sperm. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12286… As I understand it, there is a risk of pregnancy if a man ejaculates and then continues to have vaginal intercourse, but pre-E itself is more or less safe.
Ah, slidebone, bashed again by the lamestream, homoliberal media? If you want an example of lying and smearing, you need look no further than your darling Harper himself:
Too bad you hate the States so much, you might be able to find work on Bachmann’s campaign.
Apologies for the multiple posts. I’m still getting on my feet here . . .
Neptune says: “However, what I still don’t understand, is why people would only use one method in the first place. If you’re going to pull out, great, but why not use a condom, too?”
I can’t speak for the greater, withdrawal-method population, but my reasons are tri-fold.
1. My family has a history of varicose veins, thrombosis, etc. One’s risk of blood clots increases with the pill. Therefore, increased risk of blood clots + hereditary predisposition toward blot clots = no hormonal birth-control. Thanks.
2. I don’t like the idea of hormonal birth control. I DO like being in touch with my body–and I DON’T mean that in a flaky, new-age sort of way. I can always tell when I’m PMSing, when I’m hours away from menstruating, when I’m close to ovulating. I prefer those symptoms remain unmasked. I don’t want a pseudo-period.
3. The texture and smell of condoms kills the mood for me. More significantly, lubricated or unlubricated, condoms cut down on my own lubrication. I shopped around before throwing in the condom towel, too, but never found anything that minimised these problems. I used to scoff at people who complained about how condoms cut down on the tactile experience of sex. Though in my defense, I did use condoms in my teenage years and never had any difficulties.
Again, I have to stress that in my five years of using the withdrawal method, I’ve always been careful about the when and where of ejaculation.
Withdrawing and condoms.
I’m using condoms with my current partner because I really don’t want to get pregnant now, and I consider abortion as a last-measure mean, not as a mean of birth-control.
We’re both monogamous and STI-tested and free. Since we are both past our prime, and experienced enough in our bodily sensations, we are only putting the condom on when we’re ready for the finish. Still we sometimes have to use withdrawing when we get too carried away too soon.
I would not recommend this incorrect usage of condoms for inexperienced partners, partners of a younger age because of their much higher fertility, or before knowing the guy well enough to know he can be 100% trusted.
In 2+ years of this relationship I’ve not had a scare.
Put experts together and you get an argument like cats in a bag.
@Slinky (#26) – apart from his opening paragraph – goes wholly over the top, and suggests a kind of sterile sex that can only be 100% joyless – if you want sex with men in white coats wearing gloves and smelling of disinfectant, fine, but otherwise it’s a bit bizarre.
I find @feliquid (#39) lacking in credibility despite citing a supporting study (which I have not read). “The risk of HIV transmission from oral sex plus ejaculation is probably not zero, and may account for 7% of all cases of HIV infection in the US (others even say 10-15%).
Why 7%? Why 10-15%? What on earth is the basis for these figures? The oral sex HIV infection figures should be presumably based on those HIV infected who swear absolutely blind that they have never had blood transfusions, never abused needles, never had any form of anal or vaginal sex and have never abused needles, and whose sole sexual practice has been oral sex. I find the statement “people who have receptive oral sex often have anal sex as well, and infections get chalked up exclusively to the anal sex” misses the point. Indeed some do. Nevertheless, for that reason to chalk up to oral sex infection a share of overall gay sex infections would be perverse if the infected person swears blind they never engaged in anal sex. People may indeed lie, but it’s a bit sweeping to jump to assuming that oral sex statistics are therefore understated.
I have never tried doubling condoms, as putting one on is enough of a passion-killer (not the wearing, but the stopping to put in on) – for me it would be the final straw to creating a desensitised experience. I wonder whether breakage would be such a risk as is suggested; given the considerable strength of condoms, I would have thought slipping off of one of them more likely, assuming lubrication was used.
On pregnancy, I’m no expert, never having been remotely interested in trying, but it’s an area where bad science or bad use of statistics can get you into trouble. The average ejaculation has about 100 million sperm/ml, but about 10 million sperm pass through the cervical mucus, about 1 million make it to the top of the uterine tract, and just about 100,000 sperm reach the fallopian tubes. Thus, only a couple of sperm, assuming motility, would reach the fallopian tubes. Now take into account that pre-cum contains a very small amount of semen. Semen contains innumerable sperm, only a tiny proportion of which successfully make the journey to the female egg; of the fertilised eggs, only a tiny proportion successfully survive, which is why human multiple births are actually rare in nature. So the real problem with pre-cum and withdrawal is not to do with any statistically significant risk of becoming pregnant from the sperm in pre-cum; the problem is that the timing of withdrawal – unless you withdraw long, – long before any kind of orgasm – is critical and easy to get wrong. If worrying about when to withdraw, you risk spoiling the whole sexual experience.
Needles in group play? I would be deeply worried about anyone who plays with needles. What they are doing is getting relaxed in the company of needles in a pleasure situation. That to me would signal someone who may have abused – or may want to abuse – needles in connection with drugs, and therefore has serious risks of being or becoming HIV+.
Using the anus as a receptable for semen may indeed be a form of birth control, and is quite a widespread practice (30%+, I was surprised to learn). But it is also a good way of transmitting HIV especially for those unaware they are HIV+.
All forms of sex carry risks, some of diseases other than HIV, such as hepatitis. So rimming and to some extent oral sex is not risk free for the rimmer or receiver respectively.
Living in Seattle, it would be surprising if Dan Savage did not have view about Canada, which after all is closer to him than Washington DC by a couple of thousand miles. Nevertheless, it’s over-egging it to have a comment thread that covers sex, sex, sex and Harper.
Dear Dan,
Thank you for caring about the Canadian election and pimping shitharperdid.com. Harper is a monster who needs to be brought down. My husband and I live in Seattle but are voting via special ballot for Canadians abroad. We love you!
The only time I’ve heard of a condom being ineffective, it was about this psycho mother-of-one. She’d had her child with a guy whose girlfriend was pregnant at the time, in order, said she, to be sure that she’d be the only parent to the child and that no father would come and bother her in her parenting. OK, why not.
Then while she was for a few days in my house, she found out she was 1-month pregnant. She swore she’d used a condom for her one-night-stand, she swore it had not broken, she swore she’d even taken the morning-after pill, and yet nothing worked : she was away from home, and in a sorry need of an abortion. Why not keep the child, I asked her ? No way, she had loved the father of her first child, not this one, and she believed that kids should not be born when there’s no love. Besides, I guess it would have complicated even more her post-doctoral studies.
I helped her out with the process, of course. Still I thought : does she really take the morning-after pill everytime she’s having protected sex ? Yeah right. To be sure the condom broke or there was no condom.
And I’m sure she ended up in the statistics of the 2% of condoms correctly used that lead to pregnancy.