I suppose you are going to call me an asshole once you have finished reading my letter, but I hope you have some advice for me regardless.
I am a 45-year-old heterosexual male. My last relationship lasted nearly seven years. I am currently single. I am discouraged. One of the reasons for my discouragement: I have to get too far into a relationship before I can determine if it will work out with any particular woman. An awful lot of emotion, time, and effort are required to get that first look into a woman’s panties. And this is where my problem lies. A woman can have the sweetest personality, she can be pretty and hardworking, but if her pussy isn’t bald and her “little man in the boat” doesn’t fit comfortably in my mouth, I am NOT turned on. I require a shaved pussy and a big clit.
I have asked women with whom I’ve become close to go bald. If the answer is no, there is no need to return. I respect a woman’s control over her own body, of course, but I like a big clit. She may or may not be bald, but if the clit isn’t big enough, there’s no sense in returning. I have heard women say that they were disappointed to find that a man’s dick was too small or too large, or they didn’t like that it curved to the left or right. Do I have a right to a similar preference? What do I do? Is there a way to ask about these issues before emotion, time, and effort are invested?
Call Me Asshole
Knowing that she could be disqualified due to the size of her clit, which she can do nothing about, or the presence of pubic hair, which she can do something about (but might not want to), is information a woman might want before she invests a lot of emotion, time, and effort in you, CMA. Or any emotion, time, and effort. But there’s literally no way to ask a woman to show you her clit or to verify either her “baldness” or willingness to go bald in advance of that crucial first date. Even women with six-inch clits who suffer from neck-down alopecia (credit: www.tinyurl.com/5vle95) are going to run screaming after hearing a request like that.
Don’t get me wrong, CMA: It’s a fine thing to have preferences, to be aware of them, and to be able to articulate them. And most people would prefer to be with someone whose preferences roughly jibe with their attributes. But most of us would also like to think—even if it’s not true—that our personalities are so winning that our partners would love us even if, say, our clits were tiny and our pubes towering.
So what do you do? Well, CMA, since being up-front about your very particular, deal-breaking preferences would result in your never seeing another pussy again in your life, I think you keep your mouth shut. You’re just going to have to date and invest the time. And then if you discover once you get into her pants that her clit is too small or her pussy is too hairy, CMA, just make up a nice, polite it’s-not-you-it’s-me lie. It wouldn’t be fair to leave her wondering what the hell is wrong with her, when in actual fact there’s something wrong with you.
Kinky female here, age 26. For as long as I’ve been sexually active, I’ve been ridiculously turned on by guys with huge cocks. I love the way they look and feel in my hands and when they’re inside me. This isn’t to say that I’d date a guy purely on cock enormity alone; I wouldn’t. But I’m not sure what to do about my current situation: I’m dating someone now who shares my same values—he’s flamingly liberal and actually enjoys RuPaul’s Drag Race—but we don’t have the greatest sexual chemistry. Some of it’s because he’s pretty vanilla, although he’s GGG, but a lot of it is that his dick is average. Sadly. Am I wrong to want a guy with the lower half of a horse? If so, can I retrain myself to accept, and even want, an average or below-average penis?
Female Phallophiliac
You don’t say how long you’ve been dating this guy, FP.
If you’ve been fucking him for a while and you still haven’t found a groove, well, it might be best to move on. Liberalism and RuPaul’s Drag Race are nice, but they’re not enough to sustain a long-term romantic relationship.
But if you’ve been dating him a short time, FP, and there’s been some noticeable improvement on the chemistry front, you might want to stick around. Sometimes the chemistry is there and obvious from the start; sometimes chemistry kicks into gear after a few weeks or months. If you dig him—and it sounds like you do—then he’s worth the investment of a little time. As for the little dick, well…
How big is his forearm?
I’m a partnered gay man who happens to have a small cock. When I was younger, I was often embarrassed, but I have gotten used to it and I can’t change it and I know how to enjoy it now.
Among my friends, small-dick jokes are common. Not directed at me, but generic jokes and comments suggesting that guys with small dicks aren’t real men, or should always bottom, or aren’t worth dating. Stuff like that. And it has begun to make me feel much more self-conscious, especially since a couple of the guys I’ve heard making these jokes are intimately familiar with my cock. They know I’m small. It wasn’t an issue, because they initiated the sex and wanted it more than once. I had a six-month fuck-buddy relationship with one of these guys and I topped him, so I know he didn’t have an issue with my size.
So my dilemma is this: Is this just some self-esteem issue that I’ve been unaware of and need to deal with? Or should I say something, at least to the two guys I’ve had sex with? They are my closest friends and know that I struggled with my size when I was younger.
Sensitive Matters And Lessons Learned
You should definitely say something to the two ingrates you’ve had sex with, SMALL, and to anyone else who makes small-dick jokes in your presence. You don’t have to volunteer to men you haven’t fucked that you happen to have a small dick yourself. Just point out that in any group, there are going to be guys with smaller-than-average endowments and that it’s just not cool to make those guys feel bad or inadequate—particularly when studies show that the partners of men with smaller-than-average dicks report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people whose partners have larger-than-average dicks.
STRAIGHT RIGHTS WATCH: Indiana’s right-wing Republican governor signed a bill into law that strips Planned Parenthood in that state of federal funds. This is going to lead to more abortions in Indiana, not fewer, but facts don’t matter to right-wing shit-piles like Mitch “Social Issues Truce” Daniels. Now would be a good time to make a donation—even if all you can afford is a small, symbolic one—to Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Go to www.ppin.org, and click “Donate Now!” Then do everything you can to defeat the GOP in 2012.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
I go to the doctor once a year, for a pap smear and a basic physical. No tests, nothing fancy, no prescriptions other than the pill, just height, weight, blood pressure, pap smear. This is my only source of medical care.
Cost of pap smear at Planned Parenthood – $0-100, depending on the person’s income. I usually donate about $25, more if there are protesters outside.
Cost of pap smear at regular doctor – $175 and up, if they will see new patients, and if I can end up in the right part of the country at the right time to see the same doctor. I can go to PP anywhere.
Cost to taxpayers – I don’t know. The state of Michigan pays part of mine because I’m low income, I’m guessing it’s lower than a doctor’s office that has nice couches and has to process a lot of insurance paperwork (when I do go to a real doctor, they almost always discount for cash by about 50%, so I’m guessing paperwork’s a bitch).
So I luck out because I get close to free care. But, on a pragmatic level:
Cost to taxpayers if I don’t go because I can’t afford to pay $175 or I’m in the wrong part of the country – anywhere from 0-100,000, which is what it will cost me to die of cervical cancer in the emergency room, my backup source of care. The first symptom of cervical cancer is a bad pap smear, the second symptom is you start bleeding uncontrollably and die soon after. I have now had cancer twice, both times caught by pap smear and treated at a cost of about $600 to me (to the surgeon and anesthesiologist) and probably about $1500 to the taxpayer. Keeping me alive is cheaper. One in three women will have early-stage cervical cancer in her lifetime. I know five.
Most of what Planned Parenthood does is prevent unwanted pregnancies. Very little of that is by abortion (a hot-button issue) – it’s mostly through education and free or cheap birth control.
The estimated cost of raising a child to adulthood is about $300,000. While that number reflects middle class families that pay their own way, poor families use food stamps, welfare, Head Start, after-school programs, Medicaid, and Pell Grants, all of which are paid by taxpayers. $500 worth of condoms over a reproductive lifetime, or even three or four $600 abortions are still a lot easier on the pocketbook, not to mention reducing the number of unwanted babies, some of whom will be drug-addled criminals and some who are just, well, unwanted. Which sucks for them and costs money in therapy later.
So I would argue that fighting the creep of welfare, fighting the ever-enlarging Medicaid budget, and keeping women from dying in emergency rooms of cervical cancer, saves money for everyone in the long run. We’re (mostly) not a country that lets people die on the street, and anyone who is admitted to the emergency room – which a lot of poor people use for primary care – is going to cost everyone a lot more money than providing them with health care to begin with. A hospital can’t turn people away, and that’s why everyone else’s insurance costs so much – they have to cover the people who can’t pay.
I would then passionately add that any senator or government official whose excellent health-insurance plan (enabling him and his family to see the doctor of their choice, go in when sick rather than solely for catastrophe, and access resources like therapy and life-enhancing medication) is paid for by my tax dollars has no business begrudging me my one doctor visit a year on his tax nickels.
I go to the doctor once a year, for a pap smear and a basic physical. No tests, nothing fancy, no prescriptions other than the pill, just height, weight, blood pressure, pap smear. This is my only source of medical care.
Cost of pap smear at Planned Parenthood – $0-100, depending on the person’s income. I usually donate about $25, more if there are protesters outside.
Cost of pap smear at regular doctor – $175 and up, if they will see new patients, and if I can end up in the right part of the country at the right time to see the same doctor. I can go to PP anywhere.
Cost to taxpayers – I don’t know. The state of Michigan pays part of mine because I’m low income, I’m guessing it’s lower than a doctor’s office that has nice couches and has to process a lot of insurance paperwork (when I do go to a real doctor, they almost always discount for cash by about 50%, so I’m guessing paperwork’s a bitch).
So I luck out because I get close to free care. But, on a pragmatic level:
Cost to taxpayers if I don’t go because I can’t afford to pay $175 or I’m in the wrong part of the country – anywhere from 0-100,000, which is what it will cost me to die of cervical cancer in the emergency room, my backup source of care. The first symptom of cervical cancer is a bad pap smear, the second symptom is you start bleeding uncontrollably and die soon after. I have now had cancer twice, both times caught by pap smear and treated at a cost of about $600 to me (to the surgeon and anesthesiologist) and probably about $1500 to the taxpayer. Keeping me alive is cheaper. One in three women will have early-stage cervical cancer in her lifetime. I know five.
Most of what Planned Parenthood does is prevent unwanted pregnancies. Very little of that is by abortion (a hot-button issue) – it’s mostly through education and free or cheap birth control.
The estimated cost of raising a child to adulthood is about $300,000. While that number reflects middle class families that pay their own way, poor families use food stamps, welfare, Head Start, after-school programs, Medicaid, and Pell Grants, all of which are paid by taxpayers. $500 worth of condoms over a reproductive lifetime, or even three or four $600 abortions are still a lot easier on the pocketbook, not to mention reducing the number of unwanted babies, some of whom will be drug-addled criminals and some who are just, well, unwanted. Which sucks for them and costs money in therapy later.
So I would argue that fighting the creep of welfare, fighting the ever-enlarging Medicaid budget, and keeping women from dying in emergency rooms of cervical cancer, saves money for everyone in the long run. We’re (mostly) not a country that lets people die on the street, and anyone who is admitted to the emergency room – which a lot of poor people use for primary care – is going to cost everyone a lot more money than providing them with health care to begin with. A hospital can’t turn people away, and that’s why everyone else’s insurance costs so much – they have to cover the people who can’t pay.
I would then passionately add that any senator or government official whose excellent health-insurance plan (enabling him and his family to see the doctor of their choice, go in when sick rather than solely for catastrophe, and access resources like therapy and life-enhancing medication) is paid for by my tax dollars has no business begrudging me my one doctor visit a year on his tax nickels.
CMA
There are all sorts of very personal things that take time to get to know. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You might be described as having a preference so specific and important to you that it’s a fetish. But having a fetish doesn’t make you an asshole.
SMALL: DO NOT LISTEN TO DAN. It is impossible to make such comments without sounding defensive, insecure, and self-incriminating. I’m in the exact same boat – in fact, I’m currently fucking around with an ex who made tons of off-putting comments about small dicks. But I still top him, he still loves it, and I still often feel insecure – sometimes to the point where the sex is not as enjoyable. But I deal with it because I fucking love huge cocks too, and I get the attraction to/obsession with them. So, learn to ignore it. Just don’t listen to Dan – I promise you, it would make no difference to the guys you were lecturing, and it would not make you look good.
#3 beat me to it, CMA. One diagnostic of a fetish is: Do you need it to get an erection? If yes, it’s a fetish. And I’m guessing you’re so self-absorbed about meeting your needs that when you finally do meet a woman like this, you’re not going to satisfy her needs. Good luck; you’re gonna need it.
CMA, lemme guess, the 7 year relationship girl had a big clit and shaved pussy, but it didn’t work out?
Doesn’t that tell you something?
super disappointed in the answer to the first letter. hello, it’s called the internet. look for women with big clits who are shaven, like to shave, would be willing to shave…
and while i may not be one of them, i know lots of women who will shave at a partner’s request so even just looking for a woman with a big clit should suffice. lots of women with larger clits are self-conscious of them so it may help (some) to know that someone out there is looking for that.
also, a really good trim can be close enough to shaved to satisfy some folks.
i don’t agree that it’s fair to say that “there’s something wrong with you” if you have a preference of that, or almost any, kind. yes, it would be your problem if the woman did not have or desire these attributes, and neither her fault nor her problem, but there’s nothing wrong with someone who wants those things.
For letters 1 & 2: You can’t help needing what you need or even liking what you like, but you can avoid being a jerk about it. This means you don’t give your dates a questionnaire to fill out or ask them for an anatomical description before seeing them naked. You have to put in the time and wait, just like you would have to if the thing that was a deal-breaker couldn’t be expected to manifest itself on or prior to the first date. If you find some characteristic that is too un-arousing for you and it is impossible for the person to change that (clit or cock size), you manufacture a different reason for breaking things off, nicely, and move on.
Sorry that you wasted days or perhaps (horrors) weeks of your life, but that’s called “dating.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s a way to discover whether two people are compatible, and sometimes it takes more than an initial meeting to discover that you’re not. (And sometimes what you thought was an insurmountable obstacle turns out not to be, if there’s enough great stuff to make up for it.)
As for letter #3: When my kids were younger, they’d get so angry when someone said something that contradicted what they knew to be true. They would howl with impotent rage, wanting to correct the misapprehension or to clear their name. And I would say to them, “you know what you know. That’s all that matters. You know what the truth is–that’s what counts.” It seems that the letter writer needs to remember that cock size is a very common topic of humor, and he can get defensive, which will probably arouse derision, or he can see it as an area that needs more awareness–kind of like the way fat jokes should be stopped, or the campaign to banish the word “retarded” as an insult or even a descriptor, or he can know what he knows about his relationship with the two men and smile to himself as he remembers topping them so well.
Or he can talk to them privately, not in the moment, and not with others around, and say, “hey, when the size comments start, I get upset. Can you please not participate?”
I think I’ve signed every petition Dan has endorsed, even though I’m from the Philippines. I’m jealous that there are movements there that one can assist through just a few clicks, but when I Google the words “pro reproductive health bill”, there isn’t much to see. You guys have Planned Parenthood, but we Filipinos haven’t been able to make the RH Bill take off for years now.
Unlike FP, CMA seems very determined to seek out these particular physical characteristics, almost without regard to any other character traits in his partner. If that’s true, I advice him to seek out sex workers (whether escorts or actresses). They will not be freaked out by his need and so he won’t waste his time. If he finds one who fits his needs, and if he can manage to be nice and loving and considerate and not an asshole, then maybe he can persuade that perfect match to take him seriously as a potential life partner.
On the other hand, I wish I could just put a tag on my online personal ad that I only go bald for special occasions. Oh, I don’t mind keeping it trimmed, but bald? I have sensitive skin, and the consequences afterwards are unpleasant to say the least. Waxing isn’t really even an option (the one time I actually went that route, my boyfriend of the time completely freaked when he saw the skin reaction I had). And anyways, it just looks freaky in general, imho. I’m a grown woman – I’m not SUPPOSED to be bald down there.
Dan, about this forearm thing.. every time a guy or girl complains about his or her partner’s small penis you seem to jump RIGHT to this whole fist-fucking thing like it’s totally natural second-alternative. I’m no prude, trust me, but I think I’ve even heard you describe fisting as “varsity-level,” yet you recommend it left and right to men or couples that have a tiny dick problem.
This isn’t a complaint or anything, I’m just wondering if you realize that your go-to solution for small-dicked guys might seem a little intense for a lot of people. I know I’d be shocked if I asked for advice about some sex-related issue and was told the solution would be for my partner to stick her fist up my vag. Just saying.
As for SMALL, my anus prefers a small cock. Don’t many bottoms? It may not be possible for you to joke lightly around this topic, but maybe you can say something like – “oh, man, when ya get fucked by a huge cock, ya can’t walk for days. Me, I like them ‘just right.'” If the jokes went both ways, would that make you feel better?
On the other hand, people aren’t going to stop making jokes about baldness or shallow blondes just because those jokes are mean, so at some point, you may want to just accept that most humor has an edge of cruelty.
@11 – Let’s please not have this disintegrate into a fight about whether men liking shaved pussies means they are pedophiles. You like hair. I keep mine trimmed for my husband, but I shave all but a little patch if I’m seeing someone new. Some people like to go bare. That doesn’t make them look prepubescent. When men shave their faces that doesn’t make us suddenly think they are little boys.
I think if I had a small cock, being told to use my forearm instead would be about as soul-crushing a thing that lover could tell me.
I think it’s time to give that one a rest, Dan, for the non-fisters of the world. Maybe you could encourage people to date people for who they are, rather than continue the objectification of boobs, dicks and similar folderol.
@14 – When did @11 mention pedophilia? You’re the only one who used that word. I agree with JrzWrld that a shaved snatch is weird, but I don’t think that men who prefer them are child molestors. But I’m not willing to go bald.
@16 – I’ve been down this road before. She wrote: “I’m a grown woman – I’m not SUPPOSED to be bald down there.” That’s enough to get the fight going, in my experience.
Apologies for not posting a spoiler alert for first-time viewers of the shaved/natural fight.
Shaved or natural, it’s all preference. I trim and like it that way. No beef with the ladies and gents who do bare their nethers.
I rather wish we’d get a follow up on CMA in a few years when he’s wondering why he’s STILL single.
As for guys with smaller than average (or not big enough for the size-queens) should consider a strap-on for those Gotta Get Drilled sessions.
Personally, I’m more interested in what a man can do with his tongue.
I think Dan’s advice to SMALL is good.
Getting to the “however” though, there’s nothing wrong with guys with bigger dicks letting it be known that they have bigger dicks.
It’s a competitive world out there. And I have to say that it’s true that I have met more than a few small dick guys who overcompensate in obnoxious ways for their shortcoming. In every group where sex is a possibility you get posturing and its never nice (keep in mind I think that direct insults cross the line unless provoked).
So some sympathy please for the above average endowed? Unlike women who can display their wares to the public, the well-endowed man can’t easily communicate his attributes in civilized society. We are often burned by the less well endowed but obnoxious small dick man (and I’m sure there are many women who know the truth of that of which I speak).
Is it just me or are there other hetero female readers here who don’t know if their clit is big, small, or medium? I mean, I know that I have smallish breasts, muscular legs, skinny arms, droopy butt, etc, because I can compare myself to other women I have seen, clothed and naked. But comparing clit sizes? I know mine grows when I’m aroused, but I never knew there was even such a thing as a big or small clit. What I do notice in CMA’s letter is the absence of any emotional connection with the women whose clits he likes or dislikes. He invests all this time to get to know someone and I (wrongly I guess) assumed he waited for an emotional connection, but if her clit wasn’t big enough there was “no reason to return”? Hate to be a hater, but I’m not sure CMA has what it takes to make the kind of connection that marks a truly intimate relationship.
Grown women ARE supposed to be bald “down there.”
IF they want to.
Or if they’re willing to, to please a lover.
But for me, I sort of like’em au naturale. Something about picking hair out of my teeth that feels like a job well done…
Doc
Personally, I would LOVE it if a guy told me that he dumped me for having the wrong sized clit! I would then feel no regret whatsoever, unlike other situations I’ve been in where the guy just up and disappears and I’m left wondering what the fuck went wrong and feeling hopeless about whether or not that something is something I can fix.
Something as specific as clit preference? I almost feel sorry for the guy, at least until I remind myself that he withholds emotional connection (seeing that as an obligation) until he sees the goods. I too think he’d be better off with adult friend finder or something like that given how specific this fetish is.
I have all kinds of questions, though. Is the size relative to the inner labia, or are the size of the inner labia irrelevant? Does color/shading matter–does a darker one look smaller?
I like Ms Erica’s solution for the first LW. He’ll know he’s in the right ballpark, and a potential partner with any sense will have to date him long enough so that it will have been worth her time when – oopsie, IF – she dumps him.
Now at least #2 got just about the best possible lead-in. It’s unfortunate that this possibility didn’t occur to her during all those years when everyone she dated was sufficiently equipped. But I’ll admit to being a little irritated by people who ask if they are wrong for wanting X, whatever X may be. They come off as petulant. A want is a want. It may be wrong to act on it, or unreasonable to expect to get it and therefore foolish to hold out for it, but that is not the fault of the want.
If this were my novel, she’d deliberately give him cause to dump her and only initiate the breakup herself if he didn’t. That seems best as she’d probably resent him before long. It would be interesting, though, to establish the exact nature of “not the greatest” chemistry. If his lacking the potential for As isn’t a dealbreaker, does he manifest the potential to reach, say, B-minus? He does seem to have enough high grades outside of the bedroom to get the average up into A territory. Individual mileage may vary. No worries here if anyone makes an A in the bedroom indispensible for high honour roll, but I’ve had relationships in which it was clear going in that that grade could never get above B and yet the relationships themselves were quite delightful and I would go through the whole of each again if opportunity permitted.
Grown women are also SUPPOSED to have hair in their armpits but we generally don’t question shaving it.
All hair does is get in the way.
@24 – TMI time. I DON’T shave my pits. I get terrible ingrown hairs, so I just trim. Same as downstairs.
@ SMALL take his advice: Own your small dick baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCR5r6i1r…
Next time your friends make jokes, say ‘well that’s not what you were saying last month!” or whatever.
@12 AMEN! It’s really annoying. No, just because I have small dick problems, does not mean I want to graduate to a fist. That’s like complaining a grape isn’t filling enough, and suggesting someone eat an entire watermelon instead. NOT. FEASIBLE.
It goes through me like amoebic dysentry when I read someone using enormity to refer to size like in the second letter.
PEOPLE, ENORMITY MEANS GREAT EVIL. It’s a useful word. Let’s keep it.
@20, I was thinking the exact same thing… How do you know what size your clit is? Obviously mine isn’t large. Okay, I wonder if it’s normal or small. Hmmmm. Maybe you should come over and we can compare. Just kidding, just kidding. (About the compare part anyway.)
And honestly gentlemen, (for me) girth is nice for lazy ramming sessions, but the best sex I’ve ever had is with smallish/regular sized cocks. There is more sensation and usually the guy works it harder, hitting more spots, and adjusting my body parts for reaching different depths. Plus I can fit it in my mouth and throat and other places too. I also found I can have sex several times a day with a smaller dicked guy. I’m a pretty small woman and I prefer a man who fits just right. I don’t want my pussy stretched out. Let me give a big hell no!
I don’t care if your dick is small, extra large, curves to the left or right as long as you know what you’re doing with your tounge, and know how to work your dick! I’m not luck enough to get off on sex alone, so size doesn’t matter.
I shave, and trim. Some days I get bored with the bald, and spice it up with designs…I keep my hubby on his toes when it comes to my pussy…some people like shag carpet, and some like hardwood floors who fucking cares!
@19 seriously? You want sympathy for being above well endowed? That is like really hot people asking for sympathy because they are so attractive it is causing them problems. Or rich people complaining they have to pay too much taxes since they are so rich, boo fucking hoo.
These are all luxury problems, yes there are downsides to it as well (like with anything else in life) but you are still better off than most. As such you shouldn’t expect sympathy from people who wish they had what you have, it just makes you seem like a total douche.
As far small, I don’t think dan’s advice is the best since it doesn’t come with the disclaimer that he should absolutely make sure he doesn’t seem pissy or whiny when he complain about it. Make it a note in passing like “you know, you should be careful with those jokes. I once made one and it turned out some of the guys there had a small dick. It’s risky since you never know if someone will flip out on you.”
@20,28
I could take a look if you’d like. Maybe you could return the favor. It might be nice to get an opinion from someone with no agenda either way.
EricaP is right. Every time I’ve heard women comment on shaving it has always been to say that shaved is a little girl look. I like to shave because it uncovers more skin and thus allows more sensations. Not that many people like to lick fur.
On the other hand if you are one of those people who gets irritation or ingrown hairs when they shave then it’s understandable if you don’t. I like pussies either way. There are advantages to both. Maybe mix it up a bit?
@27
Definition of ENORMITY
1: an outrageous, improper, vicious, or immoral act
2: the quality or state of being immoderate, monstrous, or outrageous; especially : great wickedness
3: the quality or state of being huge : immensity
4: a quality of momentous importance or impact
Usage Discussion of ENORMITY
Enormity, some people insist, is improperly used to denote large size. They insist on enormousness for this meaning, and would limit enormity to the meaning “great wickedness.” Those who urge such a limitation may not recognize the subtlety with which enormity is actually used. It regularly denotes a considerable departure from the expected or normal . When used to denote large size, either literal or figurative, it usually suggests something so large as to seem overwhelming and may even be used to suggest both great size and deviation from morality . It can also emphasize the momentousness of what has happened or of its consequences .
@20, I don’t think they’re pedophiles, just brainwashed by popular culture to think that body hair is gross or unnatural, which is silly. It sets forth an unrealistic expectation that I simply can’t accommodate without a great deal of unpleasantness on my part. As the other poster noted, I mentioned the word “pedophile” precisely never in my previous post.
sorry – I meant @14.
And yeah, aesthetically speaking, I think it looks really weird.
As a full-body-hair woman by very conscious choice, I realize that I’m limiting my dating pool to exclude people like CMA. For some reason, that’s a very comforting thought.
Just put that shit in an online dating profile, man. I’ve put in mine that I’m only looking for uncircumcised guys and I still get hits. No offense to the cut dudes, I know it wasn’t your choice. I just don’t want to mess around with a cut cock. It just doesn’t do it for me, at all.
SMALL, back home we have a say. “Better small and playful than big and boring” You go on with your bas self and small dick, as long as the bottoms enjoy it, who gives a fuck?
Regarding SMALL – it isn’t only closeted queers who attack the thing they are closeted for. Call the makers of small dick jokes on their insecurities. (And check the non-verbals from your former lovers carefully, they may be exhibiting passive aggressive hostility).
For FP – why not a dildo on occasion?
Not liking the fetish haters here in the comments. Don’t kid yourself–almost all men have very strong preferences about appearance/features in their partners. It might just be weight or a pretty face, but those preferences are hidden from women since men can rule out certain women simply by looking at their picture on a dating site or seeing them at a bar. I want to give words of encouragement to the big clit/shaved pussy lover–there are women out there who are beyond GGG and actively love the power that satisfying a fetish gives a woman.
You know, it’s so juvenile to make fun of small dicks…really? Still stuck in that hypercritical/hypocritical “high school” phase, are we? Those *types* of people are the same type who picked on me for being skinny and having small tits as a young teen…the same kind who weren’t around to see the knockout hot body I grew into…and the same kind I consider myself way too good for now because I grew up too, left all that high school immaturity behind, and have thoroughly enjoyed the pleasures this body has afforded me. SMALL, don’t let your cock size become a self-esteem issue for you again, not after you dealt with that when you were younger and became comfortable (clearly you know how to use it right!). Believe me, this is definitely a case of “It’s not me, it’s you…”
As for shaved/natural…I myself get turned on by a shaved pussy in porn, so that I understand.
And finally, I thank whatever lucky stars I was born under daily that I don’t live in the US. Don’t get me wrong, in a lot of ways, it’s a great place, but wow…place is so f*cked up when it comes to sex, sexuality, reproduction, social issues, and economics.
Thankyou for the plug about what is happening here in Indiana. We’re all very, very nervous.
But it’s not just planned parenthood that’s in trouble.
http://www.courierpress.com/news/2011/ma…
http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/govt-…
mitch is workin hard to turn this state into proof that he’s a good little republican.
oh, can’t post links, huh?
well, gay marriage/civil union ban is on its way
and now we lost have the right to resist ILLEGAL police home invasions.
they’re also working hard to cut funding to poor, inner city schools so that upperclass suburbia can get more.
@24. Personally, I don’t think pubic hair gets in the way. I think it protects you from chafing. Armpit hair, now that really does have no purpose.
@11 You’re supposed to have hair down there to hold your scent. We have long brainwashed people into believing that smelling like ourselves is gross and unnatural. That ship of silly has sailed.
If you bathe and put on perfumes/lotions, you are already fighting your pubic hair. You might as well shave it off. You’ve already removed its purpose. All it is doing at this point is obscuring the view.
I am just like you. My cookie almost always has icing on it. I get the itchy rashes right away and the ingrown hairs days later. My husband is like Mr. J so I mix it up. I shave on special occasions and sometimes I let it go wild.
So, I’m not defensive in telling you why you got the reaction you did.
Giving a mandate on what a snatch is SUPPOSED to look like is almost like you’re making a moral judgment on a grooming preference. That’s a hard position to defend. While you didn’t say pedophilia, defending this particular position will be almost impossible to do without dipping into the pedophilia arguments.
That’s why EricaP sees it on the horizon.
@24. Pubic hair doesn’t get in the way. If protects you from chaffing. Armpit hair, now that does have no purpose.
I don’t think people should be castigated for preferring bald pussies, whether on themselves or others — we’re all entitled to our preferences, after all — but I think that more people should be aware that those perfect peach-fuzz pussies one sees in porn are not the post-depilation default. Most of the denuded lady-bits I’ve encountered (my own occasionally included) looked more like newly hatched birds.
@43 thanks for sparing me having to type out something quite similar.
@20: My gut says if you don’t know what size your clit is, it is probably medium sized.
My best girlfriend (whose clit I have never seen, I must confess) says that hers is so small that no one, not even experienced lovers, can find it without a little guidance. Apparently, it is best located by touch alone (as a “small raised swelling”) than with the naked eye.
I, on the other hand, have something so large down there I have often wondered if I got too much testosterone in the womb. As another commenter pointed out, it has caused a great deal of insecurity in the past, although I’ve never had a lover that complained (“hey! It’s so easy to find!”).
My gut tells me that our parts are probably even more variable then men’s. Natural selection has been working for quite some time on penises to make sure they are the ideal size and shape for insemination. The same cannot be said of the clitoris.
I just made a donation to Indiana Planned Parenthood “in honor or of Mitch Daniels.” They’ll even send him a note to tell him. If you want to do the same, here’s his address:
200 W Washington St # 206
Indianapolis, IN 46204-2731
What about shaved dicks? I like a well trimmed guy with shaved balls. Is this just a gay thing or do woman like their guys to clean up down there? It’s funny because I was thinking about this very thing this morning and then this letter about shaved vaginas.
As to small dicks I have always been on the low side of average and then got struck with a disease called Peyronies. Want to talk about a confidence killer. My already small dick is getting smaller. But you know what, it doesn’t matter because it still works and I have lots of fun with it. If the guy I’m with doesn’t like it then oh well move on.
The jokes are just juvinille and your friends should be more sensitive. But did you ever think that they don’t think you are small? Maybe you are average and you just think you are small. As Dan said you should bring it up with them.
CMA, you should look into dating a female bodybuilder. The majority of them take steroids which enlarge the clit. Google “female bodybuilders enlarged clit” it’s all there.