I am a bi woman happily married to a straight man, and we both “participate” in hot sexy times with other women during threesomes. It’s hard to find hot 30ish bi girls where we live, but the encounters we’ve had were for the most part excellent. Everything was great until three weeks ago, when we had a miscarriage. We’d been trying for almost two years, so the recovery is not just physical but emotional for both of us.
We were only recently given the go-ahead to have sex again. We have a well-rounded sex life—kink, BDSM, toys—and both of us have said that, just for right now, we’re not looking for anything more than just us.
I went to the computer this morning to find that my husband had left his e-mail open. His inbox was filled with replies to recent queries sent to girls looking for couples to hook up with. His e-mails to these girls ask what gets them hot and when/where we can all hook up, and they state that his wife is really excited about f-ing her. I’m probably overreacting due to all the extra hormones, but he’s lying to them, and I’m not sure what he’s doing to me.
Confused & Hormonal
I’m so sorry for your loss, C&H. A miscarriage when you’re trying to conceive is an utterly heartbreaking experience. My heart goes out to you—both of you.
Two things in your letter leaped out at me: “It’s hard to find hot 30ish bi girls where we live” and “Both of us have said that, just for right now, we’re not looking for anything more than just us.” And one thing that isn’t in your letter leaped out at me: You found no evidence that your husband was planning to meet up with any of these girls alone. He isn’t cheating and wasn’t planning to. He was making very tentative, vague plans for the three of you to get together at some point in the future. And that isn’t gonna happen—that can’t happen—until you’re ready, right?
So here’s what your husband is guilty of: He is looking forward—too soon and too eagerly—to the time when you’re ready to start having threesomes again. And it looks like he was trying to dig up one of those “hard to find” hot 30ish bi girls so that when you were ready for “more than just us,” a hot 30ish bi girl would be all lined up.
Was that a shitty thing for him to do? Perhaps. But again, C&H, all you discovered was evidence that your husband was making plans for sexy times at some indefinite point in the future. And are you sure he understands that just looking is out-of-bounds? Perhaps when you said, “We’re not looking for anyone else right now,” he heard, “We’re not sleeping with anyone else right now.”
As upsetting as it was to find those e-mails, I think your husband deserves some credit for being… considerate. Your miscarriage was no doubt upsetting for him, too, C&H, but it didn’t impact his sexual interests or needs the way it impacted yours. But he didn’t push the issue. He didn’t put any pressure on you—he didn’t even bring the subject up. All he did was put some feelers out and do a little online flirting and planning. Half the fun is to plan the plan, as Mrs. Lovett once said, so he probably enjoyed those e-mail exchanges. But he didn’t tell you about them because there was no way to talk about them without making you feel pressured.
So let’s pretend that you never ran across those e-mails, C&H. Let’s imagine that six months or a year from now, you’re starting to feel the urge to have some sexy times with a hot 30ish bi girl. And you go to your husband, who has been patient and understanding, and you say, “I think I’m ready to have a threesome again.” And your loving, kinky, considerate husband replies, “Hey, that’s great. I’ve been chatting with a few hot 30ish bi girls online I thought you might like. You wanna see their pictures?”
You probably wouldn’t have said, “YOU ASSHOLE! You weren’t even supposed to be LOOKING until I said so!” I’m thinking it’s much more likely that you would’ve said something like “My husband is the best.”
I’m about to move in with my boyfriend of four years. He’s still very attracted to me, but my attraction to him has faded. I think the anxiety of finally moving in together caused something to snap. I went out for innocent drinks with a colleague and ended up back at his place. I love my boyfriend, but I’m still giddy from the hot sex with my colleague. I’m confused! Especially because I don’t feel guilty—I feel great! I have no plans to tell the BF, a man I love very much and don’t want to hurt. What do I do now?
Girl Hot Tin Roof
Unless you’re planning to put your boyfriend painlessly to sleep in the very near future, GHTR, there’s no way to avoid hurting him. You’re not really in love with him, you’re not attracted to him, and the longer you drag this relationship out, GHTR, the greater the hurt will be once you finally screw up the courage to dump him, or more likely, once he discovers the truth on his own. I would tell you to DTMFA, but you’re the MF in this scenario, not him. End it.
THE CHOICER CHALLENGE: Last week, the leader of British Columbia’s Conservative Party, John Cummins, told a radio interviewer that gay people shouldn’t be covered by the BC Human Rights Act because being gay is “a conscious choice.”
Like truthers (9/11 was an inside job!), birthers (Barack Obama was born in Kenya!), and deathers (Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in West Hollywood!), choicers would appear to be just another group of deranged conspiracy theorists who can’t be dissuaded by science or evidence or facts. And John Cummins isn’t the only choicer out there. We have lots of choicers right here in the United States (Tony Perkins, Rick Santorum, “Stephen Colbert,” et al.).
But what if the choicers are right? What if being gay is something people consciously choose? Gee, if only there were a way for choicers to prove that they’re right and everyone else is wrong… actually, there is a way for choicers to prove that they’re right!
I hereby publicly invite—I publicly challenge—John Cummins to prove that being gay is a choice by choosing it himself.
Suck my dick, John.
I’m completely serious about this, John. You’re not my type—you’re about as far from my type as a human being without a vagina gets—but I have just as much interest as you do in seeing this gay-is-a-choice argument resolved once and for all. You name the time and the place, John, and I’ll show up with my dick and a camera crew. Then you can show the world how it’s done. You can demonstrate how this “conscious choice” is made. You can flip the switch, John, make the choice, then sink to your bony old knees and suck my dick. And after you’ve swallowed my load, John, we’ll upload the video to the internet and you’ll be a hero to other choicers everywhere.
It’s time to put your mouth where your mouth is, John. If being gay is a choice, choose it. Show us how it’s done.
Suck my dick.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
This article has been updated since its original publication.
Pow! And just like that, Dan strikes another blow (ha ha ha) for equality.
“Suck my dick.” Great! Love it! Great job, Dan! Let’s put this myth of sexuality-is-a-choice to rest permanently.
(Hmm, but looking at the Christian right’s record, maybe he’ll take you up on it..)
Stephen Colbert?
Stephen Colbert a choicer?
GHTR, tell your boyfriend what happened with the colleague, and see how he reacts:
A) BF is cool about it — then maybe the two of you have a lot in common and can get past this patch where your anxiety has caused your sex drive (with him) to plummet.
B) BF gets all clingy and mopey — it will be easier to accept that you have to break up with him.
C) BF dumps your ass — better that it happen now rather than after you’ve moved in together.
If, after considering these options, you’re not hoping for A, then you can skip telling him and just dump him. It’s over.
“I have no plans to tell the BF, a man I love very much and don’t want to hurt.”
…Wow, total bitch alert. And no, there’s no such thing as “innocent drinks” unless it’s with more than one person or someone you can trust not to run along with your less than thoughtful impulses. Obiviously most colleagues don’t fall in the latter catagory. Serious sympathy for the S.O. involved.
@6
No one loses in that scenario. Hey, I’d love to watch that video.
BTW, was Stephen Colbert included with the Choicers as a joke? Because most of the mean shit he says is sarcastic, I-mean-the-opposite humor.
Back when I was still an actor, about twenty years ago, we had this little traveling troupe and were doing an AIDS awareness program at colleges around Ohio. One of the things we were dealing with was the whole “choicer” attitude. So we came up with a song, whose lyrics escape me now, but the refrain was, “If Homosexuality is a choice, then choose to be gay for a week.” It shut alot of people up.
Like most political whores, Cummins will gladly suck your cock for a substantial campaign contribution.
Funny, 7, I have innocent drinks with my friends all the time. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes in groups. Often with a few exes who I’m still friendly with. Doesn’t make me want to sleep with them (at least anymore, as the case may be). It’s attitudes like that that make holier-than-thou monogamous people so obnoxious…not only is your partner the only one you can have sex with for the rest. of. your. life…they’re the only person of the opposite sex (or same sex, as the case may be) who you can hang out with for the rest of your life. There’s a reason why so many “monogamous” people cheat, and from my experience, it’s more about suffocation and control than a desire for some strange.
ms. d @12, i would add: the only person you can dance with, the person you must sit next to at dinner parties, the only person you can flirt with, the person you must vacation with–no separate vacations, as that would be WEIRD. after several years of this, i’d be clawing my way out, not renewing my vows.
EricaP,
I think you’re mis-reading GHTR. Progressive intimacy with her boyfriend — the prospect of living together after four whole years of being together — created anxiety, and she fucked someone else. She’s giddy about it, but doesn’t want to tell the BF. Dan’s right: she’s the MF here and needs to split.
Trust me, they do not “have a lot in common” if he’s fine with it. Her letter suggests she’ll do this again routinely so long as it makes her giddy, but that she’ll stay with her guy because … she loves him? When she finds sa guy else she wants to fuck and also starts to love him, she’ll be gone.
That is not a really pleasant way to be, and your advice is giving it implicit thumbs up.
I heart Dan. If Cummins blows you, I might respect him.
Naw, I wouldn’t even then….
Johnny D.
Im confused, Stephen Colbert the person or the persona? Did I miss something. Do I have to stop watching the Cobert Report?
Another good way to shut up choicers is this simple fact: if being gay were truly a choice, straight men could kiss their ass goodbye. All women would be lesbians, eventually. It would be hard as shit not to find a woman who has not, at one point or another in life, wished with her whole heart to be a lesbian and free of patriarchal bullshit forever. For reals.
GHTR, have you slept with your bf since then? If so, he has a right to know you’re increasing the risk of your relations. If not, you should tell him before you have sex with him, or dump him and don’t have sex with him at all.
Ms Erica – What if she likes clingy and mopey? So many clingy and mopey people are partnered, there has to be some sort of market for it.
This letter almost feels like a cousin to the one with all those comments some months ago from the poly woman who was raped and then some months later husband triggered her but her secondary partner made her feel whole and loved and wonderful, doesn’t it? Only moving in together seems rather feeble by comparison as the stressor.
I wish she hadn’t signed herself the way she did; it would have been interesting to see if there were any appreciable difference between comments from people reading GHTR as male from comments of those reading GHTR as female. Mr Savage really ought to put out a quiz book along that loine; as his letters probably have less bias towards straight and towards female than those of his contemporaries or near-contemporaries in the mainstream, he’s by far the best positioned to do so.
@12,oh, yeah. i reconnected with an old college lover recently. i hadn’t seen him in 20 years or more, but after having drinks after work twice, his ‘tightly wound’ wife put the kibosh on it. so, no drinks after work anymore, no friendship because of her insecurity.
Dan the advise to GHTR was spot on. Why move in with him if you are no longer attracted to him? You stated that you are feelings giddy and no guilt for having had sex with a colleague! Are you planning on having more sexual encounters with this colleague? Would it always be guilt free sex? Would you rather have sex with anyone else besides having sex with your boyfriend? Are you and your boyfriend interested in having an open relationship where you both live together but have sex with other people? If the answer to these questions are YES NO and MAYBE then Why prolong a Doomed Relationship? Spare him and yourself the Future Heartache and emotional Pain and make a clean Break NOW!
I like the point he makes, only an ignorant moron would try to convince someone that being gay is a choice. The end was the best. I took a biology class and learned more about evolution and mutations. My hypothesis is that being gay could be a mutation to prevent over-population.I don’t understand why people attack gay people so much? There are way more important things in the world to worry about then my sexuality. Take care ps don’t get offended it’s just a hypothesis.
I forgot to add – what I’d put in the B slot along with or, depending on taste, ahead of clinging and mopey would be if he “forgave” her in such Obvious Quotation Marks that she knew she’d be paying for it indefinitely.
I think this article is accurate. Savage has quite the balls to tell that fucker to suck his dick. Any person that tries to convince society that being gay is a choice is an ignorant moron. I currently took a bio class the last part was over evolution and mutations. This is where I formed my own hypothesis and it might not be accurate but it doesn’t sound nearly as ignorant. Could being gay be caused by a mutation that occurred through evolution to prevent over-population?
RE: C&H
Not surprisingly, I think Dan is leaning a bit biased towards the husband here. How about we switch the perspective: Say this woman’s husband had a bout with testicular cancer and is now undergoing estrogen therapy. He thought his understanding wife, per their agreement, would be avoiding any ideas of threesomes while he recuperates physically and emotionally. But then he accidentally? finds out she’s been busy corresponding with likely women (or men), telling them her husband is eager to perform.
OK? What’s your take on it now, Dan? Just a little harmless flirting or proof she has little empathy for her suffering spouse?
Personally, I think C&H deserves a big apology from her husband.
Choicers are gay and bisexual men and women who “choose” not to be gay. Sucking cock will prove nothing except that they are gay or bi. I want to see if this guy can actually get it up for his wife without thinking of his days on the high school wrestling team. How do you prove that without mind reading abilities?
@2, 4, 9, 16, Shut up and play along. I want to see Colbert put Dan Savage on notice for chosing to be gay. That’s just win all around.
@20, You can’t honestly believe that drinks alone with an old lover is appropriate behavior for either a husband or a wife. That’s just tempting fate. People are weak, and repeatedly putting yourself in a position like that is dumb. If you guys are such good friends that you want to keep in touch, then your spouses should be hanging out with you.
I’m so confused, why is she the MF? Maybe GHTR needs a mongamish relationship…? She said she loves her bf and that it is stress. She’s an MF for being a CPOS, but how about opening the relationship?
About choice: I think that the choicers see it this way:
choice # 1: “be gay” – have the urges and attraction toward same-sex foolin’ around and go ahead and do it, and
choice # 2: “not be gay” – have the urges and attraction toward same-sex foolin’ around and suppress those urges for whatever reason.
If you define “gay” in terms of actions instead of intentions, then it is a choice. It’s a choice between living a lie and living in accordance with what your nature demands. It’s a choice between being free and driving yourself mad by denying what you want.
Of course, I’m biased by my liberal opinions. To be fair, you can define pedophilia as a choice in the same way: To be a pedophile is to abuse children in accordance with your sexual desire to do so, and not to be a pedophile is to feel those same desires but deny them. What Dan calls a “gold-star” pedophile would not be a pedophile by this definition. Interesting semantic discussion, but it doesn’t change the point that even if being gay were a choice, it would be a choice that doesn’t harm any of the consenting adults involved so why not let them make the “choice”?
@17 In the same vein as your statement and sentiment. If being gay were truly a choice. Then all men would gay and free of the silly ass games a lot of women play. Men don’t expect their partners to read their minds and don’t usually get upset if their partners don’t just “know” what they want or need. Women stress the importance of talking (usually about feelings), but seem incapable of simple declarative statements. Is it really that hard to just tell someone what you want (assuming you even know what it is) instead making them guess.
Just so’s y’all know, the Conservative Party of British Columbia has been wandering in the wilderness for decades. They might as well not exist. I’m not saying that makes his statements any less rock-fucking-stupid, but we in BC generally leans pretty left in its provincial politics. Just sayin’.
“lean pretty left in our politics” (was typing too quickly)
Awesome as always, Dan.
… but what’s this about Colbert being a choicer – say it isn’t so!
@25: Nope, still don’t buy it. It’s not like the husband in your case is going to actually be asked to perform while he is unready. Meanwhile, what you are asking of the non-incapacitated spouse is to sit and twiddle their thumbs patiently, and not even _fantasize_ over very same things that both of them were _acting_ on, a few short weeks previously. In other words, you are expecting to have control of your spouse right down to what is allowed to turn them on or off.
In case you missed it, the rather obvious implication of “You probably wouldn’t have said, “YOU ASSHOLE! You weren’t even supposed to be LOOKING until I said so!” “ is that you would be the one being an asshole if you actually said that.
@17 – At first, I was smiling mildly at the light-hearted joke you were making.
But the “patriarchial” part doesn’t ring true to me. As a straight girl who has mostly dated guys with healthy attitudes towards women, I haven’t had to deal with much patriarchial b.s. in my relationships. I HAVE had to deal with it in the wider world of school, work, sports, etc…but lesbians deal with that kind of b.s. just as much as straight women. When I have wished to be a lesbian, it is only because I imagine that it would be easier to relate to someone who deals with similar body issues (like a biological clock) or has been socialized and communicates in a similar manner. Of course, I have only to look at my lesbian friends to realize that they have plenty of relationship problems and don’t live in fairy-tale couplehood either.
@30 – it’s hard to figure out your tone. Are you saying all that in reaction to @17, to show her the silliness of her statement by holding up a mirror? If so, then I’m with you – an effective ploy.
But if you really believe what you wrote, then yikes! You really gotta read some Deborah Tannen before you get even more bitter toward women. Seriously – go look up “You Just Don’t Understand.” It will turn you into a mind-reader of women. It will help you WAY more than any of those dating coach idiots who teach you to treat women like prey.
“I have innocent drinks with my friends all the time. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes in groups. Often with a few exes who I’m still friendly with. Doesn’t make me want to sleep with them (at least anymore, as the case may be).”
#12 Yeah, but those are people you can trust. People who know you and were you’re coming from when you go out drinking. I’m sure if you were too drunk to think rationally and about to do something you would regret or face serious repercussions for they would stop you. GHTR throws out the fact that she was drinking like an excuse for her poor behavior (as many people do) when in fact she probably wanted to do exactly that when she was sober, she just didn’t have the courage.
And I couldn’t care less about monogamy, but if you’re in a LTR you should be up front from the start about what kind of person you are and what you’re looking for in a LTR. You should also communicate about when you’re facing issues in your relationship. Not be monogamous for 4 yrs, become bored, fall off the wagon, and fucking shrug it off like it’s nothing. THEN to top it all off not take responsibility for it under the guise of “I don’t want to hurt them!”. Because it’s too late, you did what you did so you own up to it, discuss it, and decide TOGETHER where to go from there.
And btw, maybe it’s your “enlightened” attitude that makes what is probably a very good perspective on LTRs, sex, and friendship sound so snobish. If you want people to realize they have hang ups you should meet them half way.
ellarosa @13 Ummm … none of those rules apply to my husband and I. Are you listing rules to a hypothetical confining marriage to make yourself feel better?
@12 – Call me old-fashioned, but I agree that going out to get drunk with one person of the opposite sex — or same sex, as the case may be — is asking for trouble. Then again, I haven’t stayed friends with ANY of my ex’s either. Everyone has different boundaries, the important thing is to be *aware* of your boundaries, which GHTR clearly isn’t.
@14 >> Her letter suggests she’ll do this again routinely >>
If she hasn’t cheated before this, I’m willing to take her at her word that this may be a temporary crisis. The LTR sex has gotten boring, and this other guy touched her in ways that made her feel alive. If she can awaken that kind of excitement in her LTR, they might be able to get through this.
>> your advice is giving it implicit thumbs up. >>
My advice is to not take one screw-up as determining the fate of the LTR. If they love each other, and if she can be honest, they can get through it. Otherwise they can’t.
About the Human Rights Act:
Section 8 b says:
A person must not… discriminate against a person or class of persons regarding any accommodation, service or facility customarily available to the public because of
the race, colour, ancestry, place of origin, religion, marital status, family status, physical or mental disability, sex, sexual orientation or age of that person or class of persons.
Religion is a choice, marital status is a choice, family status is (often) a choice… Even if sexual orientation WERE a choice there are ALREADY other choices in the Act that are fully protected.
I am no longer surprised at how many people ignore science and reason by believing that homosexuality is something you could choose. Though it befuddles me, their attitude does not really bother me. What does bother me is people acting as if it is a BAD choice, simply by virtue of making it.
Would anyone stand for any politician regulating the “other” choices protected by the Act? Why only attack politics for wrongly BELIEVING that sexual orientation is choice when they should be attacked for wrongly BEHAVING in a way that limits the choices and freedoms of the citizens they should represent?
Politicians who (will likely always) believe it IS a choice should have to defend why people shouldn’t be allowed to make it.
Thank you Dan for acknowledging the pain of miscarriage. For both of them. Ours was the most painful experience I’ve had (I’m I guy).
CnH and hub could do with looking after each other – these times can drive a wedge of isolation and difference between the two.
@17 “It would be hard as shit not to find a woman who has not, at one point or another in life, wished with her whole heart to be a lesbian and free of patriarchal bullshit forever.”
For reals, indeed. For me it’s once a week at least. Damn my unswerving desire for hard cock, despite that.
@ 39: YES, YES, YES! An excellent point.
@35 Got it one Although to be honest, there is a degree of truth in complaints of patriarchal BS and female mind games. Sad stereotypes that are unfortunately too often true.
@35 Got it in one Although to be honest, there is a degree of truth in complaints of patriarchal BS and female mind games. Sad stereotypes that are unfortunately too often true.
And some head banging frustration arising out of personal experiences with women (family, friends, and lovers)
Men are relatively simple, straight forward creatures. Feed them, rub their tummies, pat them on the head now and then and they happily wag their tails and roll over(Oh wait, that’s for dogs Never mind 🙂
Satisfying/placating a mother (when you are an adult) can be such a joy (but that is true whether you are a male or female) It may also be more of a generational and/or ethnic thing. Hoping that is changing over time, but sometimes I do think that it is the motherhood jeans 🙂
As a father of a somewhat adult (age wise) daughter, you really don’t want to know what I think about or am inclined to do (with a sharp knife and no anesthesia) to patriarchal, predatory assholes. Hot tongs and branding irons also play a prominent role. I guess I’m being patriarchal now, but then I also have similar urges with respect to pedophiles and my teenage son. Both are decidedly hetero, but I wouldn’t have any issue if my kids were LGBT except for the grief others would inflict on them. That would greatly sadden me.
Oh dear God, the thought of Stephen Colbert sucking your dick in character has really made my day. Make that week.
This heterosexual fangirl thanks you, Dan!
@35 I’m all for reducing gender polarisation and increasing understanding – Tannen’s work is good like that. So when I read @17’s comments – which I think were humorous, and intended to illustrate the choice point – I was reminded of the nasty inhumane feminist BS ideology my wife was infected with at one point, and brought into the bedroom – the opposite of GGG – which nearly wrecked our marriage. I’m told that was 2nd wave stuff and it’s now all equality and that. I found it equally polarising and obnoxious as the patriarchal equivalent.
At one point, I did think I’d be better off gay, and no, it’s not a choice.
If 80% of her relationship is great with her boyfriend except the sex, should GHTR split over that one issue? What are the odds of her finding a 100 percenter?
If her or his relationship is only about sex, then they should split up.
22,24, simplecomplicatedme– NONONONONO! Imagine howling in indignation. The only thing worse than biblebelters refusing to teach the facts of evolution and natural selection is not teaching them well enough to prevent misconceptions like yours. I don’t know where your class was or who was teaching it, but since I can’t go there and slap your teacher upside the head, here’s what you need to know:
Natural selection is RANDOM. It has no eye to the future. You can’t have a mutation that works to prevent over population because the mutation doesn’t know what over population is. Mutations give rise to non-adaptive forms all the time in totally random fashion. The environment changes which means that what was previously adaptive might not be from one instance to the next. Totally random. The same mutations and non-adaptive forms arise all the time. Totally random. It’s not a matter of natural selection working once and then not having to do it again. Natural selection continues to hone and refine, then hone and refine again. Sometimes the same non-adaptive form shows up many times. Natural selection continues to weed it out. Sometimes new ones pop up. There’s no sense or strategy about it.
This applies to homosexuality and everything else that results in disproportionately fewer offspring. There is a temptation to start referring to adaptive as “good” and non-adaptive as “bad,” but be careful not to do that. (I wish I could tell the far right idiots not to do that too.) Evolution and natural selection are entirely judgment free. There’s just which individuals have more surviving grandchildren.
I’m looking for a good short book or essay that can explain this better than I so I can recommend it when I run into people who, like you, think they understand how evolution and natural selection work but don’t. In the mean time, look at Steven Pinker and Stephen Jay Gould.
“I went out for innocent drinks with a colleague and ended up back at his place.”
Give. Me. A. Break. So when she was taking a shower, shaving her legs, putting on her sexy underwear and checking her birth control options prior to going out for innocent drinks, she had nooooooo idea where it would all lead? During the cab ride to his place, she had no idea? When she was taking off her clothes? No idea. At least cop to what happened. She did not just slip and fall on top of this guy’s dick. She went out to get it. And she got it.
“I love my boyfriend, but I’m still giddy from the hot sex with my colleague. I’m confused! Especially because I don’t feel guilty—I feel great!”
Um, great. A low-level sociopath who does not consider how this would impact her boyfriend, whom she “loves.” /scoff That pathology plus the endorphins from the affair make her a real prize right now.
“I have no plans to tell the BF, a man I love very much and don’t want to hurt.”
When she fucks other people, she doesn’t tell him. Out of love. Holy mother of christ what a piece of shit this gal is.
“What do I do now?”
Apparently whatever the hell she wants. Why change? She clearly don’t give a rat’s ooxzing asshole about other people’s feelings, especially ones she claims to love.
My prediction: She is going to keep fucking New Man, and not tell the Safe at Home Backup, mainly because Safe at Home Backup is what makes New Man so sexy.
She only wrote to Savage hoping someone would say, “You go, girl! You get what you want, before the eternal abyss of death takes you.”