I’m a 22-year-old FTM. I will become a legal male this summer. WOOT. Useless hole but still no pole. My friends—all straight—don’t know because I don’t feel it matters. I don’t know any other FTMs, and I really don’t care to. However, I like men. I have never had a boyfriend. I go to gay clubs, flirt, dance, and make out with other gay men. But when I am up front about being FTM, I never hear from a guy again. My question is, when do I tell a gay man I have been flirting with that I am not a bio male? I don’t want to deceive them, but I at least want a chance for them to get to know me first.
No Pole, No Go
The first thing Buck Angel—trans activist, public speaker, and porn star—wanted to say, NPNG, was congrats in advance on becoming a legal male. The second thing Buck wanted to say was that hole of yours isn’t useless.
“If he isn’t familiar with my work, maybe he should check it out,” said Buck (www.buckangel.com). “I get tremendous pleasure from my hole. Whether a transman plans on getting a penis or not, there still has to be a time that he realizes that what’s between his legs does not define who he is.”
It seems to me that time—the time you realized that you’re not defined by what’s between your legs—had to have come before you began transitioning, NPNG, otherwise you wouldn’t be transitioning. As for how the guys you’re meeting in gay bars feel about what is or isn’t between your legs, Buck has some advice for you about that, too: “If he meets a guy and tells him about himself—which is the right thing to do—and he doesn’t hear back, then that wasn’t the right guy for him.”
If you’re not having any luck with messy face-to-face meetings/make-out sessions in gay bars, Buck suggests you consider online dating.
“If he’s looking to hook up,” said Buck, “here’s a site where he can start: www.ftmlover.com. He’ll see that there are tons—and I mean TONS—of men out there who are interested in guys like us!”
But before you start meeting those guys, NPNG, Buck thinks—and I agree—that you have to become more comfortable in your own skin. “Be proud of your body,” said Buck. “When you feel confident that you are a man, no one can tell you otherwise.”
And do you know what might help you feel more confident? Getting to know some other trans guys.
“There are many reasons that someone might isolate themselves from other trans and gay people,” said Ezra Goetzen, a mental health therapist and trans community activist. “Some folks identify as male-to-male, seeing their transition as a medical procedure rather than a path to a transgender identity. Others, due to the fabulously flattering cultural/media images of trans people in general, internalize the shame, indifference, and disgust—and they don’t want to be reminded of these feelings by hanging out with other trans people.”
Whatever your particular reason for avoiding transmen, NPNG, you’re doing yourself a disservice.
“Being isolated from other trans folks leaves little room to find support and role models for loving yourself,” said Goetzen. “And it makes getting invaluable tips on how to get laid safely and carefully harder.”
Getting married soon. We want to put a note in the invitation requesting donations to organizations fighting for marriage equality in lieu of gifts. Which organization is fighting the hardest/most effectively in your view?
Gonna Get Married
Freedom to Marry (www.freedomtomarry.org), National Center for Lesbian Rights (www.nclrights.org), and GetEQUAL (www.getequal.org)—and thanks and congrats, GGM!
I’m wondering whether you have any thoughts on the male tendency when sharing “naughty” photos to go straight for a close-up shot of the penis. Representative Anthony Weiner’s tweeting disaster has brought to mind a number of recent cases where high-profile men—such as Brett Favre—sent other women similar shots in an apparent attempt to seduce them. However, the response I’ve heard from women to such offerings can be summed up as “Ew, yuck!” Do you have any insight on why some men think this sort of overture would work?
Totally Confused Female
Some men think this sort of overture works, TCF, because sometimes it works.
Before we get into that, I want to say a few words about Anthony Weiner: Nothing the gentleman from New York said last week made him sound like a man who hasn’t taken a picture of his cock at some point and sent it to someone for some reason. Nevertheless, I’m confident that Weiner is going to beat this thing.
Watching Weinergate unfold is like watching the voters-getting-over-politicians-who’ve-smoked-pot story play out all over again, only this time at warp speed and with sexting standing in for THC. With pot, we went from exposure resulting in an instantaneous resignation in 1987 (Supreme Court nominee Douglas Ginsburg) to a tacit admission being a survivable mini-scandal in 1992 (Bill “Smoked, Didn’t Inhale” Clinton) to a collective shrug in 2008 (Barack “I Got High” Obama). With dirty pol pics, we’ve gone from instant resignation in February 2011 (Representative Christopher “Craigslist Congressman” Lee) to a tacit admission looking like a survivable mini-scandal in June 2011 (Representative Anthony “Beat This Thing” Weiner). At this rate, we’ll be shrugging off the dirty pics of Rep. TBD sometime before Labor Day.
Getting back to your question, TCF: The cock-shot overture doesn’t work on most women, I’ll grant you, but guys who send cock shots aren’t interested in most women. They’re interested in the sort of women that this sort of overture works on. And the sort of men who think only with their dicks—and not all men are that sort—figure the quickest way to determine if a woman is that sort of woman is to send the cock shot. And one of the women you talked to about cock shots may have been that sort of woman, TCF, but told you, “Ew, yuck!” because it was clear from the “Ew, yuck!” look on your face that “Ew, yuck!” was what you wanted to hear.
Gentlemen: The existence of a handful of women who welcome cock shots does not give you license to send cock shots to all women. Cock shots are for women who have expressed a clear and unambiguous interest in receiving cock shots.
Speaking of Buck Angel: Documentary filmmaker Dan Hunt (Cruel & Unusual, Dangerous Living, Bear Run) has been following Buck for six years and now needs to raise $6,000 to hire an editor to help him shape his new film. Please join me in helping Hunt to finish Mr. Angel by making a donation via Kickstarter:
www.tinyurl.com/3d8wmtf.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
The best part was when he said he sent the pic as a joke. Most of us guys would prefer not to think of our cocks as jokes…
Of course, gay men love cock shots!
I’m really starting to pity straight men.
Million dollar rings, loss of career, reworked prenups- who needs it.
I can fuck 100 times and it wont cost me a dollar.
“I’m confident that Weiner is going to beat this thing.” I think Dan made an unintended funny. LoL
I feel bad for Weiner. The underwear photo that is termed lewd was more of a suggestive tease than anything else. The chest pictures were nice also. I would say that his only wrongdoing here was to his wife, but no one outside of their marriage knows the terms of their relationship. He’s being publicly chastised for something that really wasn’t that bad, and many people have done. Yes, he’s in a public position, but that doesn’t make him sexually neutered.
NPNG needs to get himself a nice strap-on “pole” if he doesn’t already have one, and tell these gay men that while he’s not equipped exactly like them, he does have a cock and can fuck and suck just like they do. Added bonuses: can choose just the right size and never any erectile issues!
Here’s a comic about a gay dude dating a trans man for the first time: http://www.billroundy.com/me1.html
NPNG should find some trans community and work on his depression, and the getting laid will resolve itself.
Dan…you’re kidding, right? That kind of juvenile behavior from someone currently in politics is terrible judgment; it’s not at all like having smoked pot in the past (not even like smoking pot regularly still). This is like Spitzer, or Edwards–it reveals a self-destructive streak a mile wide, which is something we need to be concerned about in our politicians (just think how screwed we would have been if Edwards had been the nominee). They’re public figures, they know they’re probably going to get caught sooner or later (hey, maybe even the French do, now), and it’s usually the most self-righteous ones who are doing this stuff (which makes it even likelier they’ll get caught), but still they think they have a right to act like teenagers in Fort Lauderdale on spring break–anything goes. NOT a good sign.
Catballou–you think a newly married guy needs to be neutered to not send crotch shots to twenty year old girls? Really?
Please get your blog feeds straightened out. I want posts from Dan Savage, not 20+ posts a day from other people.
I thought the cock pic was hot, certainly moreso than the chest & sitting on the couch pics. A lady speaking.
This is such a shame. As a woman online, I get a lot of unsolicited cock shots. A bump in someone’s Jockey shorts – I’d have forgotten about that in about 15 seconds. But this guy panics and lies, again and again. Now his whole life is ruined over a total nonissue.
As a gay man living in Brooklyn, I feel it is my civic duty to see Anthony Weiner’s penis. I promise to appreciate the experience.
@2: I’m pretty sure that 100 instances of fucking of any sort will end up costing you a dollar along the way for lube, condoms, or other miscellanea.
Sorry, but I don’t buy it. I think guys who send cock shots through IM or whatever to women they barely know aren’t weeding out potential dates, they want a little thrill, like flashers do (and don’t tell me they’re looking for that special someone who likes seeing a man’s butcher window on display while jogging at 8 a.m.)
And oddly, I also don’t even think the guys who send cock shots would be thrilled to get close-ups of strange women’s gaping vaginas (think United Colors of Benetton ads here).
Dan says, “…Guys who send cock shots aren’t interested in most women. They’re interested in the sort of women that this sort of overture works on.”
By which I *assume* he means, these men are looking for women who like sex, who are willing to have sex quick, and who are titillated by explicit pictures. However, he’s wrong to assume that 100% pro-cock-shot sentiment exists even amongst that group. I’d count myself in that group, for instance, but I don’t like the unsolicited cock-shot any more than most women do. I prefer more of a naked, aroused, full-body shot, or (even better!) a partially-clothed, obviously aroused, full-body shot.
So, photo of shirtless, sweaty guy in tight jeans? Oh, yeah. Naked penis shot? Um, whoa. Sometimes yes, I admit. But generally, I like *men,* not just their junk. I want to see the man in the picture. It adds *everything* to the allure.
So, for once, I think Dan is wrong. These guys are weeding out women they don’t mean to at all.
@14 i have to agree completely. An unsolicited close-up dick pic is generally kind of a hostile gesture. And honestly, I don’t care who’s sending it to me…it’s the very rare penis picture that really captures my fancy. Unless you have a truly spectacular package, it’s generally not going to be a turn on all by itself.
Count me among the “Eeeyew, Yuck!” contingent on the cock shots. I totally agree with #8 and #14.
ADDING: I also agree with #15!!!
It’s not weird or uniquely female to not appreciate dick shots. Look at softcore straight porn for dudes and it’s usually full or nearly full body shots, not just extremely zoomed in cropped photos of just nips or gaping vag or whatever. That said, Anthony W’s dick photo was pretty hot as far as dick photos go: boner concealed by attractive boxer briefs? yes please.
The other component that, unfortunately, remains important in analyzing why your average woman doesn’t react to a cock shot in a parallel fashion to how your average man reacts to boob shots is that while some men send cock shots because they’re looking for the sort of woman who will react positively to them, some men send them to threaten women, and some men send them because they get off on the idea of women being shocked/horrified/afraid (flashers aren’t looking for the sort of women who like getting flashed, for the most part). So even women who might otherwise enjoy a cock shot might not react completely positively unless they’re confident in the non-hostile intentions of the man who sends it.
A man sending a woman a cock shot is like a woman offering a man an evening of talking about his feelings.
To a woman, sending a cock pic is lazy. Not to mention cocks are readily available to women, so you’re not offering anything they can’t already get on their own. To a man, talking is annoying. A man doesn’t need a woman’s emotional validation, so offering it is about as attention grabbing as giving ice to Eskimos.
Women, if you want a man, send him naked pics.
Men, if you want a woman, pretend you are unconvinced that you would like to spend more time with her, then allow her to talk to you for a couple hours until she’s convinced she managed to keep you there only because you’re incredibly interested in her unique perspective.
Or, be powerful or rich enough that a woman will accept cock pics as a means to getting to your wealth/power. Just don’t be upset when the women who like your cock shots turn out to be more interested in money/power.
Note, in particular, that at least some of the women Rep. Wiener sent cock pics too kept talking to him, and then went to the tabloids.
“To a man, talking is annoying.”
Haha! Sorry to hear you’re dumb and boring.
I’m a woman and I have specifically asked for cock shots.
I am a woman and I have been specifically asked for pussy shots. Over and over and over. Really? really?
Weiner (heh) could easily have avoided this whole thing by using anonymous accounts that weren’t linked to his true identity. He’s not really that big of a celebrity that women would have recognized him if he’d taken any effort to prevent it. How many of us could have picked him out of a line-up two weeks ago?
What does it say about him that he would risk so much when he could have avoided it and still sexted? Did he want to get caught?
Dan, you are not a woman, so you do not know this… we women do NOT like to see close up images of genitals. PERIOD.
Yes, there are women who are into sexually forward men. Perhaps receiving a cock shot would be an indicator that the man in question is sexually forward, and thus some women would be into his personality. However, I promise you, that women is definitely NOT into the actual photo of the man’s DICK. Only men like to see genital photos.
As for women who welcome cock shots… I have done some cruising on fetlife and other such sites, and I have never seen any female profiles that welcome cock shots. I suppose a few may exist… if so, those women are probably even less common than cannibal fetishists.
Women like to have sex with people, women are not interested in sex with disembodied body parts. Remember this, straight men. Please.
Add this one to the all-of-western-civilization-is-a-footnote-to-Kanye-West file:
She find pictures in my email
I sent this bitch a picture of my dick
I don’t know what it is with females
But I’m not too good at that shit
@ 5 — That comic is adorable. And yeah, I’m a cis gay guy who has dated trans men; there are at least some of us who just don’t see it as a big deal.
@ 26 — You clearly haven’t talked to some of my female friends. True, most of my female friends don’t want to see random cock shots, but neither do most of my (mostly flaming-as-hell) male friends. The exceptions, though, are enough for me to be more than skeptical about your generalizations. Are you trying to erase the women who do like cock shots, or is that just a side-effect of your gender-essentialist bullshit?
@26- Yeah, agreed. I’d be into receiving a cock shot from a guy I already liked a lot. I’d get off on how assertive he was being. But I’d never, like, whack off to the actual image of his wang or anything like that. The sentiment would be hot, not the actual image.
@26 I am a woman, and I decidedly do not remember voting for you to speak for me or for all women everywhere. I must have missed that Women Who Want To Be Lumped Together And Boiled Down To A Few Generalizations By A Self-Appointed Spokesperson Whose Only Qualification Is Her Gender meeting.
@21 Same as above, absent the statement of (tenuous) gender qualification.
@15 Why do you *assume* Dan is talking about you when he clearly stated that he isn’t? Why would you redefine the phrase “the sort of women that [the cock-shot] overture works on” to mean “NOT the sort of women that the cock-shot overture works on, but the sort of woman who considers herself to be otherwise open about sex.” If you are not the sort of woman this sort of overture works on, then you have decidedly less call to speak for this group than @26 does about All Women. You certainly don’t have a good reason to assume that the defining characteristic of this group must necessarily be eliminated from the definition!
My younger brother is a transman, also into guys, and he’s recently started dating a cute boy who he found out — before they started dating but several weeks after they met — is also trans. I’m with Dan on encouraging NPNG to get to know some other trans guys; besides the benefits already mentioned, feeling attraction for a *man* who, like you, was born without a pole, might help build confidence that others can be attracted to you similarly.
And from the couple of gay trans guys I know (who’ve been in the dating pool longer than my brother), there really are plenty of gay guys who are happy to date/fuck trans guys. The hit rate is going to be lower, especially at a random bar, so don’t let rejections drag you down… keep casting your net and you will start snagging some good ones.
I’m a woman, and the “type” of woman who enjoys cock shots. What can I say – I love cock. Love looking at it. Love sucking it. Don’t think cocks are “ugly” or “gross.” I guess I’m in the minority on that?
@26 generalizations are dangerous, and you are dangerously stupid. Unless you’ve spoken to 100% of straight women out there, and you haven’t spoken to me, shut the fuck up.
You guys are missing the other fundamental point of the cock-shot, it is revealing and simultaneously anonymous.
Any picture showing a face or even a full body pic that stops at the neck is pretty easy to identify. A guy who has something to lose, such as a wife, a career and an election, may prefer to send a cock-shot because the number of people who can stand up in court and say – ‘I recognise that penis!’ is hopefully fairly small.
The cock shot is similar to the flash a not-quite-stranger might produce. Obviously, your phone number or email has been given, but generally, unsolicited pix of an erect cock and only that are not the overture MOST women are receptive to. Having been on the receiving end of both the flash and the pic, not so exciting and kinda creepy. However, if already interested, and the pix include full frontal, I am all for it. Stalkers send unsolicited erection pix, not paramours.
We were talking about sending cock-shots on The AV Club on a thread about – no kidding – Axe bodyspray.
Someone brought up the good point about how the majority of men (the 90% of guys who *aren’t* Stranger-reading, Sensitive New Age Guys) think that what women find attractive is what other men find attractive, or the “female version” of it. An example is a friend’s sister who went to a bar and had every guy that hit on her (about 8) tell her what make and model of car or truck they drove as one of the first things that they thought would impress her. Oh, and how tough they were and how no guy in the bar could beat them in a bar fight (I suggested she should have gotten all those guys into a free-for-all, trying to beat each other up to prove their worthiness to her while she left via the back door. Oh well).
As a lot of straight fratboy dbag guys would LOVE to have an unsolicited pussy pic sent to them as a first contact on a dating site, a lot of them figure that a woman therefore must LOVE the idea of getting a cock pic (and if they don’t, then she must be frigid/a dyke/a feminazi). I would never be friends with guys like that so it’s easy to believe that they don’t exist. But believe me, the guys I’ve worked with and played sports with over the years prove that not only do they exist, but they do so in large numbers. Yikes.
The good news is that many grow up, gain more experience, and eventually realize that what women want is not the same as what men want. But some of them don’t learn. The amount of women I’ve known or met who are on “normal” dating sites only looking for a long-term relationship, specifying that one night stands, NSA scenarios, or casual dating are off the table – well, the number of them who get one-line “you’re hot” emails with cock pics is pretty astonishing. I guess a lot of these guys send out a couple hundred of those emails a day hoping that eventually, statistically, someone somewhere must react positively. I mean, it happens in those porn vids, right?
*and I do think that there’s nothing wrong with sending cock or pussy pics, but there has to be an expectation that the person *wants* to receive them. Know your audience.
@32 Yes. What you said. Exactly.
Whenever I hear women say, “Penises are so ugly!”, I believe that many–not all, perhaps, but many–are simply parrotting what they’ve heard everyone else say all their lives. The problem with socialization of this nature is that we’ll never know how many women would actually think cocks were beautiful if we weren’t raised in a society that tells us to think that way because it’s afraid of female sexual desire. I could go on…but I’ll stop.
Also, I agree with everything 30 and 33 said in response to 26. See the paragraph above where I talk about socialization, and then don’t shove your socialized gender beliefs onto me.
Now somebody send me some cock shots!
Men send cock shots because really, we have no better ideas. We’re men, we’re just not that smart.
@28 I’m not trying to erase anything. I simply believe the female mind works differently than the male mind in some ways. I personally have never seen any woman who goes online looking specifically for cock shots from random strangers. There are probably a few exceptions to this, or maybe there are more exceptions than I am aware of.
@30 Yes, I made a generalization about women not enjoying genital photos. Nobody got insulted when I made a generalization that men DO enjoy these sorts of photos. Anyway, I still believe my generalization is fairly accurate. I admitted there are probably exceptions out there, but speculated that they are more rare than cannibal fetishists. Unfortunately I doubt anyone is doing hard statistics about this sort of thing, so I can’t be proven right or wrong about this.
@33 Saying generalizations are dangerous is a generalization about generalizations. Some of my best friends are generalizations and they happen to be harmless.
Sorry people, I can’t help but be annoyed by the sheer amount of cock shots that exist. Many men seem to think that is a good way to introduce themselves to a stranger. This strategy probably works much, much better for men like Weiner, who are famous and powerful, and who also include other parts of their body in their photos. I can see why women would want to see cock shots of somebody they know something about, but… to get it from random strangers? Gross.
I don’t think I’m stepping on the toes of some kind of invisible repressed minority with these statements. Women will receive random cock shots, wether they want to or not.
Please, please, can we call it a tallywhacker.
Then do the identity parade for the mole.
@37 shahnahnah
Email address please.
@GGM – the appropriate place to request gifts is on your wedding website or through word of mouth. The invitations themselves should include no mention of presents 🙂
Also, I would be cool with cock-shots GIVEN that I am interested in the guy. But I would wager that of my friends, I am a VERY distinct minority.
The problem, TheLastComment, is how your comment was worded:
“Dan, you are not a woman, so you do not know this… we women do NOT like to see close up images of genitals. PERIOD.
Yes, there are women who are into sexually forward men. Perhaps receiving a cock shot would be an indicator that the man in question is sexually forward, and thus some women would be into his personality. However, I promise you, that women is definitely NOT into the actual photo of the man’s DICK. Only men like to see genital photos.”
So what you’re saying is that even if a woman CLAIMS to be into cock shots, she’s STILL not into the actual cock–she’s into the personality that would send a cock shot. In your follow-up comment, you say that you originally admitted there are exceptions to the not-liking-cock-shots norm, but you actually didn’t. You said that no woman anywhere ever ACTUALLY likes pictures of a man’s dick. I think that’s where the issues with your original comment lie.
@43 You are correct. I said women don’t like cock shots, PERIOD, then I contradicted myself in the same post by saying there are exceptions.
And yes, I did say there are exceptions in the original post… let me quote the last paragraph, since you seem to have forgotten to do so.
“As for women who welcome cock shots… I have done some cruising on fetlife and other such sites, and I have never seen any female profiles that welcome cock shots. I suppose a few may exist… if so, those women are probably even less common than cannibal fetishists.”
I suppose I wasn’t thinking clearly when I wrote that. If I was a little more careful with my words I wouldn’t have worded everything in such extreme, black and white terms. It was 3 in the morning, and I suffered from a knee-jerk reaction. An advice columnist I like was advising men that the cock shot strategy actually works. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that advice in itself, but I just know some idiots out there will interpret this column as a license to spam their penis all over the place.
“So what you’re saying is that even if a woman CLAIMS to be into cock shots, she’s STILL not into the actual cock–she’s into the personality that would send a cock shot.”
Not really, I never said that what women are thinking is contrary to what they claim. I’m saying that how a woman interprets something is often different than how a man interprets the same action. Men can think women are into them because of some stupid formula or strategy they are using, and be oblivious to the fact that the women who respond positively to him are responding for entirely different reasons.
I believe the type of men who post a lot of cock shots are more interested their own sexual gratification, which they receive by posting cock shots, than they are interested in finding out what the women they are targeting actually want.
If a woman claims they love cock shots (and a couple have already done that in these comments), I’m not going to deny that. I believe you.
Do you mind if I ask what it is that you like about cock shots? Does looking at them turn you on? There are plenty of men who masturbate to this sort of thing, but I always got the impression that most women are not turned on by images such as this.
Just to be clear, I’m not disgusted by the male body, and I have absolutely no objection to the naked penis.
NPNG, Maybe you shouldn’t be trying to date exclusively gay guys. Maybe you’d have luck with a straight guy who might find a use for that hole of yours. Or, even better yet, you might find a bi guy who thinks you’re the best possible combination in the world. He would get both female and male all in one package.
To the transguy: He will probably have better luck with semi-straight guys who are curious about men than with gay guys. A gay guy would think of him as a woman (I would). For example, I wouldn’t mind fucking a man-turned-into-woman (with or without a penis), or a sort of effeminate man, and in some cases even a woman. But a woman-to-man suggests to me a dominant woman, that is somehow a turnoff.
@44 – As one of the above women who “claimed” to love cock shots – they do turn me on, I do look at them while masturbating, the images themselves turn me on, not just that they are indicative of some sort of sexual aggression on a man’s part.
@45 (Root)….
Depending on where NPNG is on the trans spectrum, what you are saying is potentially impossible. For someone more genderqueer than trans, this might be okay, but for someone that is really, really heavily invested in a stereotypical male image for themself, this is impossible.
On that note, I disagree with Buck Angel, I would tell NPNG to avoid the Trans community, actually, if he wants to date. Spend as little time as possible there. At least, the internet community that exists. They are incredibly, incredibly hard judges, very narrow-minded and while they do have information it’s been my experience that they only dole it out to people willing to jump through enough hoops and “pass” with the community. I’ve seen (first-hand) the community push someone that was on the genderqueer spectrum into claiming a much more masculine identity and basically shut off avenues for that person in order to force that person to indirectly validate the decisions of others in that community. I’d highly encourage NPNG to talk to the genderqueer community instead if they can. Much more easy-going, much less agenda, but rather less active (you knew there had to be a downside).
As for answering his question — don’t tell people for a while. Go on a couple of dates. Let them get hot and heavy, but don’t “go for it” — let them salivate at the thought. Once they are thinking about how hot sex is going to be with you, once they’ve built it up in their minds how awesome it’s going to be, when you tell them it’s going to be “different” they are probably a lot more willing to work with the limitations of the unexpectedly missing penis. Because, if they’ve stuck around at this point, they are thinking about having sex with YOU first, and your penis second (btw, do yourself a favor and find one you love, love, love, and then get used to it on your own.)
I think you’re a little wrong about the cock shots, Dan. I don’t think all guys who send cock shots are specifically looking for women who like cock shots. Maybe some of them are, but the vast majority of men who send cock shots genuinely believe that a shot of their cock is what *all* women want to see. Why is this? Because they are kind men who are brought up on the golden rule, and shot of the woman’s pussy is exactly what they’d like to see. They’re returning the favour in advance by sending a shot of their cocks, and are bewildered when it doesn’t go over as well as they’d hoped.
It’s sort of sweet, if you squint.
But I am extremely skeptical of your claim that men who send cock shots are trying to find women who like cock shots. This is probably the much less likely scenario.
Dan, for once I think you are completely wrong. I think men who send unsolicited cock shots, are the “guy exposing himself to me on the train,” of the internet.
It’s not about me, and whether they are going to get off with me, because they know they aren’t. It’s about them, and getting me to look at their most favorite body part, and getting a thrill out of violating me in that way.
I don’t think what Anthony Weiner was doing was the same thing, because then he wouldn’t have been wearing shorts.
Frankly I’d be grateful if someone send me just a photo of a dick in some boxers. I’ve had much worse sent to me (and also posted on on all female message boards, which is DEFINETLY not about getting a little somethin.)
@32 Yeah I’m a woman, and I don’t like looking at images of like.. erect penises. They’re gross! And like veiny, covered in pubic hairs, bleh. No one innocently opens an email only to be greeted by a big ugly cock shot is going to like smile. You have a totally visceral reaction of disgust and shock. I literally cannot imagine not having that reaction. Penises are ugly!
I make a distinction between looking for cock shots (via craigslist, AAF, etc.), which I sometimes like to do just because I happen to find cocks beautiful and hot, getting unsolicited cock shots, which I find irritating, and getting a cock shot from someone whose cock I am already intimately familiar with, which I find very arousing.
But here’s my two cents regarding cock shots:
Don’t take a picture of your penis unless it is fully hard. A semi-hard cock isn’t all that compelling.
FWIW, and I like to think that any of us are easily as qualified as Dan to answer the “why do men take and send cock shots” question, I think that men, straight and gay, are into dicks. Straight porn features lots of cock close-ups. They frequently compare their own to others by measuring to see if they’re average or not. They like their own dicks very much, and find the sight of themselves hard to be arousing. So that is one reason for the cock shot. The other could be that it is the make equivalent to the photo that many straight men want to receive from women. The thinking could be that if he would find a pussy shot compelling, she should be equally interested in getting a cock shot.