Its too stressful looking into anyones face, so theres the top of Hillarys head.
It’s too stressful looking into anyone’s face, so there’s the top of Hillary’s head. Gregory Reed / Shutterstock.com

First thing’s first: you have to come to The Stranger‘s election night party tomorrow. It takes place at the Showbox. It’s free, but you have to be 21 to get in. Doors at 4 pm. Dan Savage is your host. When Savage hosted an election-night party at Chop Suey in 2004, the crowd drank all the bar’s alcohol. By midnight, there was no alcohol left. That’s how sad 2004 was. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen again.

Between Clinton and Trump, there is no contest in who has the better ground game. Clinton has more paid staff in more places by a lot. As of September, Democrats outstaffed Republicans by “4.5 to 1 in Florida,” Vox reports, “and nearly 5 to 1 in Ohio. In Pennsylvania, which maybe shouldn’t even be considered a swing state at this point, Clinton outstaffs Trump 8 to 1; in Arizona, which wasn’t considered a swing state until recently, she outstaffs him 19 to 1.”

FBI director Comey’s drama-queen theatrics haven’t changed much. “Certainly, the news that the F.B.I. was looking at potentially new Clinton e-mails gave Trump a much-needed boost going into the last ten days of the campaign. But it was never enough to tip the balance of the race,” The New Yorker writes. “In the poll averages, Trump made some quick ground, but Clinton retained a lead, and by this weekend much of Trump’s gains had disappeared.”

Granted, the same can’t be said for the Senate. “Where Comey’s intervention might have had a more lasting effect is in the battle for the Senate. Two weeks ago, most of the polls and polls-based forecasts were saying that a Democratic takeover was highly likely. Today, the contest looks like a tossup.”

Trump has been doing well in polls among people with no plans to actually go vote. “Trump performs surprisingly well among the voters who say their likelihood of voting is between 0 and 10 percent,” Vox reports. “That’s terrible news for the Trump campaign.”

Attention: everyone who lives in states without mail-in voting. “Armed voter intimidation is illegal. If you see someone w/a gun at a polling place text GUNSDOWN to 91990.”

Speaking of mail-in voting: You’ve already voted, right? If you live in Washington State, you’ve already put your ballot in the mail, right? Right? The Stranger‘s endorsements are right here (we sat through millions of boring meetings so you didn’t have to!). If you’re in King County but can’t be bothered to buy a stamp, take your ballot to one of these drop-off locations.

If you do go buy a stamp, Miranda July will retweet you. I’m not even joking. When was the last time you were retweeted by Miranda July?

OK, let’s see, some more election news. Uhhhh, Trump’s being really weird lately? Weirder than usual, possibly? Here his is spinning out about Beyonce and Jay-Z and their “language,” and saying that “lewd” is a new word. (Come again?)

To be fair: Bill Clinton is saying weird things too. The New York Times reports from Colorado:

After obliging a request for a selfie from a woman in the lobby, Bill Clinton left his hotel here on Friday and rode to his rally, where he made the case that Hillary Clinton cared more about restoring jobs to forgotten workers than Donald J. Trump did.

Mr. Clinton said that his wife got things done, as evidenced by “a lady in a hotel lobby right here.”

“I said, ‘Who do you think we ought to elect?’” Mr. Clinton said, supposedly recounting his conversation with the woman. “She said, ‘You don’t have to ask me that. I’m from Belfast. I remember what she did to help make the peace in Northern Ireland.’”

It was Mr. Clinton, not his wife, who played a major role in brokering a peace accord. And the woman in the lobby, Lorraine Gordon, who immigrated from Belfast and is now an American citizen, never said those things.

Ah well, doesn’t matter. Lorraine already voted for that other liar—Trump.

Even if Trump doesn’t win, he’s still won. Here’s a depressing (and brilliant) analysis by Sean Nelson. “Trump makes you feel like you’re fighting against the absence of reason, the ghost of ideology, a moral desert. He champions humankind’s lowest impulses—self-interest, cheapness of spirit, brutality. On paper, these things all seem like they’d be easy to fight against. But it’s so obvious that he doesn’t mean any of it, it shames the convictions of the people doing the fighting.”

Other people are reporting other feelings. To wit:

And in I-don’t-think-he’d-be-tweeting-that-if-he-saw-HUMP!-over-the-weekend:

Christopher Frizzelle was The Stranger's print editor, and first joined the staff in 2003. He was the editor-in-chief from 2007 to 2016, and edited the story by Eli Sanders that won a 2012 Pulitzer...