Here we go! Like I said last week, I’m gonna go down the list of the
2009 AVN winners and review ’em. I taped the list to the wall, threw a
dart, and, I’ll be damned, it landed squarely on “Best All-Girl 3-Way
Sex Scene”—Belladonna’s Girl Train.
Okay, no it didn’t. I’m lying. I was just dying to see this one.
Girl Train is the first in a brand-new series from “the dirtiest
girl in porn” Michelle Sinclair, better known as Belladonna. Bella is a
pro-sex, pro-female BADASS. It’s no surprise that some of the
big-big-biggest new names in porn decided to get on the girl train with
her. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but Joanna Angel, Kimberly Kane,
Sasha Grey, Aiden Starr, Brianna Love, and Dana DeArmond are pretty
much the red-HOTTEST right now. (Sorry, Jenna Jameson. It’s time for
you to sit back, eat a sandwich, and relax. Be proud of the road you
paved for these girls—these crazy, crazy girls who are now
barreling down that very same road.) All six of these women have taken
the classic mold of a female porn star and smashed it to bits. They’re
strong, unapologetic, and believable. Oh, and most importantly, they
know how to do things that will make your eyeballs roll around in your
head. There’s a reason this shit costs almost 30 bucks per DVD.
Everything Belladonna touches is exponentially hotter than ANYTHING
you’ll ever find on Xtube or YouPorn. It’s like comparing a McDonald’s
hamburger and a Kobe steak, or a mason jar fulla moonshine and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue.
I’ve seen Girl Train classified as both a hetero and a lesbian
title. One of my lesbian friends says she has to fast-forward through
some scenes in another Belladonna film I gave her for her birthday
because it’s just too much. I’m sure Girl Train will deliver much of
the same (um, can you say Barbie leg?). But not being able to watch
certain scenes the first few times around is what really makes a DVD
worth buying. And Belladonna consistently raises the bar with every
film. She shows you things you’d never think a woman’s body would be
capable of doing—things that you might even dare try one day with
someone. And holy shit, if you can successfully pull off a Belladonna
move, EVVV-REE-BODY wins. 
all this review does is talk about itself.
i could’ve read the names off of the DVD cover and written just as quarter-assed a review.
bra-vo. did you actually watch the movie?
@2 Obviously, she did not. From the above review:
“I’m sure Girl Train will deliver much of the same…”
Which means that. when she gets around to finally watching the damned thing, well…maybe we’ll hear about it again.
ok….
so you three are complaining because theres not a detailed, play by play description of extreme hardcore porn written in the pages of the stranger?
Honestly, this review could have been written by my fifth grader. Who’s never (?) seen a porn.
Belladonna is hot, sometimes, but the boob tattoo and the gapped-teeth don’t always do it for me. Besides, I’d bet this movie got an award for the sole reason that (I hear) she’s retiring — presumably to become a producer and not performer.