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One of the perks of having gay parents: getting to stay up past your bedtime on school night to watch season premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race. That’s the new TV, by the way, and the old TV is over there in the corner.

9:05 PM: So what do you guys think of the new queens? I think that queens aren’t supposed to be seen up close on such a huge television…

9:15 PM: Okay… last year they sprayed the queens with water in the first ten minutes… this year it’s a wind machine. Hm… the light in the dressing room? Kind of harsh. And it’s hilarious watching their eyelashes flap in the wind. Shangela is the cutest boy. “I love a good blowjob.” Someone had to say it. And… Raven wins the first challenge… despite the ugly-ass lip piercings.

9:23 PM: OH MY GOD! TV GOES BLANK!

9:25 PM: Whew. Television working. Back to the show. I know the product placement is part of the deal, but oy. They are laying it on thick. “There were no ladies on that set today. There were men running for curtains.” That’s some profound shit. Ru is doing his best Tim Gunn. Guest judge: Kathy Griffin—how gay is that? And Santino from season-whatever-the-fuck of PR? WTF? (Okay, about the beige: this is the basement, people, where the TV lives. It was like this when we moved in, and the basement isn’t a high priority for us, interior-design-wise.)

9:36 PM: Much grander space for runway show—Ru got herself a real budget this time out! Tyra’s dress is lovely; Raven…meh. Sonique—amazing. JuJu… a little mother of the bride, as Ms. Kors might say. Then a maternity dress on that redhead whose name I didn’t get. Sahara… looks okay. Shangela… looks like she’s been packed to be shipped. Jessica… lovely, the face a bit overpainted. Morgan… very glam, very hot. Mystique… WTF with the splits? Nicole… a little severe. Pandora… kind of a mess, little mother-of-the-bride.

“If they send the big girl home on the first show again this time,” says a friend, “that’ll be sad.”

Drag is an art, but the art is in the performance, not in the construction of garments. I don’t think it’s fair to judge the girls strictly on the dresses they whip out under duress and a ten second strut down the runway. (And, bitches, I didn’t put the speakers anywhere. They were sitting there when I got home. The boyfriend put ’em there. And maybe we don’t want to be surrounded by sound? Maybe we prefer the sound in front of us, huh? Maybe we’re afraid of the sound of drag queens sneaking up behind us?)

9:45 PM: Gone with the window—he he he. And… the big girl, of course, is the funniest. Griffin: “Nothing says ‘Civil War’ like ‘my Asian boyfriend.'” The television commercials so far: vodka, AIDS meds, substance abuse services, tubs of vegetable oil—gay life in a nutshell, huh?

9:53 PM: Tyra is safe… Shangela is up for elimination… Morgan wins this challenge! Oooh! A photo spread in Lux Magazine—that’s awesome! Wait, what the hell is Lux Magazine? Pandora is safe… and Mystique, the big girl, is SAFE! The big girl isn’t going home on the first show! Sahara is up for elimination… Ooh… vicious! Friends pitted against each other. We predict that Shangela, the five monther, is going home. More splits! Cartwheels! Brutal efforts to upstage each other! There are no friends when bitches are lipsynching for their lives!

And Shangela is going home—and, yeah, Saraha is “sad” about sending her friend home. Um, bullshit.

Ru’s end-of-show catch phrase doesn’t make any fucking sense. What does, “And remember: if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love someone else,” have to do with anything?

10:01 PM: Wait, there’s an after show? WTF? And WTF is up with RuPaul’s mustache? Not live blogging the after show. Got a traumatized child to put to bed. Talk it up in comments, if you care to.

68 replies on ““What’s up, bitches?””

  2. Dan, you and Terry need to take a trip to Dania (or even Ikea) to get a t.v. console table. Seriously, that thing is sad.

    As for the queens, I’ve got it Tivo’d, but would welcome a regular Slog thread for discussion.

  3. I find it hard to believe that local icon Dan Savage isn’t at least casually acquainted with an interior designer that could help out. Haven’t seen that much beige since I accidentally ended up at the California Republican Convention.

  5. I’m afraid Shangela can do no wrong with me. I am prepared to forgive Shangela any mess that may occur this season.

    And I’m awfully sorry about your lighting scheme. Perhaps that’s a rumpus room in the basement, which would make it sort of understandable.

  7. You post one picture of your home… and the decorating queens are all over your ass.

    It’s a very nice TV, Dan. Never seen the show, but a name like “Shangela” might just get me to tune in.

  9. Amnt, ToddO–

    The gays tend to get a little distracted when consumer electronics are labeled “rear”. The novelty will wear off soon enough, I’m sure.

    I’m far more surprised that they went with 5+1 instead of 7+1, frankly.

  10. Oh, Jesus. Peter LaBoobhead is gonna love that you let your kid watch RuPaul. Dollars to donuts that fact winds up on that fucktards website.

    And who the hell cares what your TV room looks like or what your TV sits on or where you keep your speakers? It’s a fucking TV, not the goddamn Mona Lisa. Some of your readers are like stalkers.

  11. I guessed basement! Yay! And can I just say I never thought I’d see an almost-liveslog of a program on the LOGO network, the only place odd enough to run a comedy series whose premise asks us to believe that Simon Doonan could have been thirteen years old in 1997.

  12. @ 7, I must be a closet queen because I reacted the same way as 3. But I think it’s good for Dan to break stereotype and have his home decorated like a show home in a new development.

  13. My, that’s a large Television. I’d never have the courage to pull something like that off – especially with all those monochrome colors in the background. Are you trying to be ironic?

  17. I loved the first Ep of the new Season! It’s like a lot of my fave Bravo shows wrapped up in one, only with drag queens! YAY! Plus on Twitter I won a big RuPaul’s Drag Race Prize Package. (which included: False eyelashes, some make-up, a feather boa, a fake ring, RuPaul T-Shirt, Poster, Calendar) it was drag-tastic. They should have thrown some vodka in that box. Cheers to the new season!

  18. I love RuPaul, and I love this show, but I do hope that the queens gain more uniqueness as the season goes on. They all look very pretty, but somewhat the same. There’s no Nina Flowers, it seems…

  20. Anyone know if this is gonna be streaming online again, and if so, where?

    Season 1 all went up on the internet, but I can’t seem to find a similar glimmer of hope this time around 🙁

  24. The queens do look a little…horsey. (What’s that? You say it works for Julia Roberts? I would beg to differ…) I think they are not the prettiest bunch. Shangela was by far the prettiest boy and, well, bye-bye. Raven is setting up to be another Shannell – self important and too dudelike to really pull off great drag. And Dan’s right about the Project Runway challenge, drag isn’t about sewing, it’s about performance. That said they all looked as nervous as cats on the runway. I like Pandora Boxx. And the redhead who went to high school in drag… Top three, at least, I’m betting…

    But the AFTERSHOW ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Are they going to do this every week? Cuz it was better than the show itself.

  29. You see, this is why I need the LOGO network. I can’t wait to visit my parents and then watch 5 consecutive hours of the Drag Race on demand EVERY season.

  30. Don’t worry, Dan. I’m sure your son is quickly approaching the age where he can traumatize you by forcing you to come to high school football games and watch March Madness on ESPN. (Though maybe you’re already into NCAA basketball, who knows?)

  31. I met Jujubee a few years ago, friend of a friend. I hope she wins! But I don’t have logo (or a tv, right now.. .actually). Slog updates would be helpful.

  32. I absolutely LOVED Season 1 (Mom and I watched it together) so I’m dying to see Season 2. Can’t until the weekend, sadly, as I am out of town.

    What was interesting was watching it with my 12-year-old niece. She seemed to let it roll off her back that they were men dressed as women. But then, I had a cross-dressing friend myself when I was 15. My mother said, “Doesn’t it bother you that he was wearing your graduation dress?” and I just shrugged and said, “I figured it was his business, not mine.”

  34. Michael Wells@24 said, “The queens do look a little…horsey. (What’s that? You say it works for Julia Roberts? I would beg to differ…)” This reminds me of the time I saw Flatliners in the theater. When Ms. Roberts appeared on the screen several guys in the theater started whooping, and I yelled out, “Come on guys, she looks like The Incredible Mr. Limpet!”

    Thanks for that trip down memory lane. Now I’m still debating whether to buy the big TV or get the cable subscription that would include RuPaul. The bank says I can’t do both…

  35. Who cares where the speakers go? I don’t. Remember “celebrity doppelganger week” on Facebook? This show and RuPaul’s “dragulator” at http://www.dragulator.com is going to be the inspiration for “Drag Queen Week” on Facebook. Just you wait and see!!!

  36. You really need a straight boy to come over and set-up your TV and speakers. Shouldn’t be a problem since you obviously let one decorate for you.

  38. I love how precarious that TV looks.

    Can I come to the TV funeral when you knock it over? I’ll sing hymns.

    “MacNeil/Lehrer my God to thee”

  40. I also found out THE LOBBY BAR is hosting viewings every Monday at 7pm. So many ways to see the show without having to get cable TV. 🙂

  42. Agreed on all the speaker comments. If you’re not going to set up for surround sound just get a soundbar – they’re much better than the tv speakers and it will match your set. Vizio makes a good cheap version and you probably don’t need a subwoofer.

  43. Sigh.

    This is like listening to people bitch about the shirts I wear on TV. If I dressed all natty and stylishly, people would bitch about what a cliche fag I am, so concerned with my appearance and my clothing, what a stereotype, blah blah. But since I don’t, people bitch about how unstylish I am, how I’m letting down the side, making gay people everywhere look bad, blah blah blah.

    If my BASEMENT, which was beige and fugly when we moved in, was decorated and stylish and unfugly, you would all be bitching about what cliche and a stereotype I am and admonishing me for not spending money on more important things… like, say, my son’s education, which is where most of the spare money goes these days.

    My basement is ugly and it’s going to stay ugly and I don’t give a shit where the speakers are so long as I can hear Colbert’s jokes.

  44. NikT22, thanks for the suggestions. Buying it on iTunes is tempting just so I could watch it on the bus and (hopefully) have it be a conversation starter, just like the time I watched several segments of The Daily Show over some guy’s shoulder while he played it on his iPhone. But where the heck is The Lobby Bar? It’d probably be a pretty long commute for me.

  45. Dan, no one said you had to have top-of-the-trend decoration, but jeez, beige is just so stereotypically boring.

    But I recognize that tone. Even if you were considering changing things, now you just WON’T WON’T WON’T because a few fags (and at least one straight guy) poked some fun at you. I bet your BF and son play you like a violin with reverse psychology, don’t they?

  46. It’s OK, Dan. I don’t care what your house looks like. Although I do like the TV. It’d be great hooked up to a 360, especially with those speakers.

  50. Well, that’s fine if you LIKE having an ugly ass basement/tv lounge/family room but I would recommend a STURDIER TV stand so your expensive tv doesn’t crash to the floor…and properly placed speakers and good lighting DO enhance the viewing experience.

    But, would a little paint and a kilim rug really “fag” you up to much?

    And, this is vivid proof that gay men do NOT have universal “good” taste…we MIGHT be SLIGHTLY more inclined to have it, but in reality it’s not much higher than the straights…I’ve been in WAAAAAAAY too many gay homes that are either bland hovels or look like Pottery Barn showrooms with out any individual taste.

    also, a lie: gay men can dance.

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