A woman is in an unacknowledged fuck-buddy situation. He calls her up to “watch a movie or something,” and then they have sex. But he always seems to call her when she’s on her period…

An open-minded mother isn’t worried that her son watches porn. It’s just that she doesn’t like the kind of porn he’s into.

Listen in as Lucy learns what a cream pie is.

And a lot more.

Call us with your questions, but please—not from the car.
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94 replies on “Savage Love Episode 263”

  1. WTF do I say to someone when they’ve changed their *gender*? Is the kind of attitude I would expect to stay quiet with and not offer any information except what was necessary to finish the transaction of goods or services. Someone remind me of the offensive joke because it didn’t stick with me and again I am extremely sensitive about the pointedness of jokes at my expense. Dan doesn’t have the answers about gender, that isn’t his expertise. Gender and sex are very different. BTW I am transgender in Lawrence KS and unlike a previous caller and I get along fine. Sometimes I get worried that my transition wasn’t more difficult. Plus I had a lot of bigoted “friends” I wanted to lose but didn’t. What’s that about?

  3. Why is it that people who don’t enjoy listening to Lucy are “haters”. People are entitled to their own opinions. I’m sure Lucy is a very nice person – I don’t HATE her at all. I just feel that the podcast has been affected negatively by her presence. I feel that the questions are not taken seriously (or that is the impression that I’ve gotten over the past two weeks). I’ve been a fan of Dan for years, and aside from some of the great guests on past podcasts, I listen to them to hear DAN – not Dan and Lucy. It was fine once. It was annoying the second time … and if it continues, that will be a shame in my OPINION. Again, I DO NOT HATE LUCY. I just don’t want to listen to her every week.

  4. Love the show Dan, but I think I might stop listening while Lucy is cohosting the show.

    I have nothing against her, per se, I just am not really interested in her opinions on your callers’ problems. I listen to you, Dan, because I feel like you give an expert opinion. Whether that is true or not can be debated, but I perceive your advice to be the advice of a professional.

    Lucy’s opinion on your callers’ questions is totally irrelevant to me. Being a production assistant for MTV does not put her on equal footing as someone who’s been giving sex advice for 20 years.

    Again, I have nothing against Lucy but she just isn’t who I turn in to listen to.

  6. @50 THANK YOU!!! Now, can you please go around informing other young men of your generation, because I was disappointed that Dan and Lucy didn’t do the job themselves. I’m counting on you.

  8. Dan,

    I am confused why you feel Lucy is in any way relevant to the Podcast, other than the fact that she had never even listened to your Podcast, so maybe she can represent a portion of the people who are unfamiliar with what is talked about on Savage Love?

    Either way, she does not offer any insightful or surprising commentary. I am sure she is nice but please do not continue to invite her on the show.

  9. @46: I don’t think the caller was claiming that athiests lack a moral framework, but that people who are raised with a moral framework that consists entirely of “Don’t make God Mad” lack any more robust moral framework once the prospect of God is taken away, since that God was the only moral framework in that picture. There are religious people with a moral robust religious framework (I hear Kant was a believer, but denied that God’s say-so was enough to establish a moral framework) but the woman in question may not have been raised by such people.

    Regarding the Asian man who wants to top: if he can stomach playing into dominating asian stereotypes, he might find something in the movie The Mask of Fu Manchu, starring noted Asian-American actor Boris Karloff as Fu Manchu. The movie has Asian sadists aplenty. Plus buff black guys pretending to get there asses kicked by skinny white guys. The kind of sensitivity that plays into hot BDSM.

  11. I love the chemistry between Dan & Lucy. Great teamwork you guys, keep it up. 😉

    PS: I would fondle Lucy’s cock if she were a guy 😉

  12. While I’m sure Lucy is a nice person, the podcast really loses a lot with her there. I don’t think the callers’ questions are being answered as thoughtfully. I hope there will be some new podcasts without Lucy.

  13. Regardless of intentions, Lucy’s persona on air (I haven’t seen her live) seems really phony. Her comments seem a little too opinion-based, or based on what SHE would do in a particular situation. One of Savage Love’s strengths that keeps me listening is Dan’s ability to relate to or carefully handle others’ fetishes or situations without judgment. Sure, he bases comments on his own experience when he has been in a situation, but his answers feel far more academic as opposed to what I might hear sitting around with a bunch of friends talking about sex. I come to this podcast for expertise. If I wanted to hear a strong/opinionated woman share her personal opinions sans expertise (life experience isn’t always enough), I’d summon my happy hour crew. Perhaps Lucy feels she’s an expert, but I didn’t get any indication of a real understanding of most of the issues she’s discussing. She’s got a long way to go before she should be entrusted with responding to such personal calls. Example that caused me to turn off the episode: In the pee-porn story, Lucy says something problematic, Dan jumps in to redirect, and she instantly agrees, paraphrases what he says and continues with a lot of um-hmms. She added nothing to the conversation. She actually detracted from it by imparting judgement. Perhaps she could spend more time really listening to experts before trying to be one. Then, I’m sure, combined with her life experience, we’d have something really great to learn from her.

  15. @ 26 Totally agree with you! I really felt that Dan really dropped the ball on the call about the college girl with the guy who won’t go down on her. Dan is giving that guy TOO MUCH the benefit of the doubt. Unless the girl stumbled out of bed having just fucked her boyfriend and into that guy’s dorm room, then I really don’t see his “concern” for accidentally licking some other guy’s semen out of her vagina as legitimate. Semen typically comes out right after sex (especially right after you stand up) and anything that might be remaining would come out within 24 hours. (And if you didn’t know this for a fact you could have Googled it! http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1750.…)
    Plus, assuming the caller took a shower sometime between her last sexual encounter with her boyfriend and the next potential one (with her BF or otherwise), there was really nothing for the college dorm guy to “worry” about.
    It was just an excuse to not go down on her despite expecting her to go down on him (which is exactly what she did, WTF?!) She had every right to feel offended and she should have left him high and dry as well. I don’t understand Dan’s response to this call. In previous podcasts with female callers who had a similar issue of having a boyfriend that they give blowjobs to but who won’t similarly reciprocate, you have rightfully informed those callers to clearly state to their boyfriend that they want to be eaten out and that they should refuse to give anymore BJ’s until that need is met and if that need is not met then dump the boyfriend.

    I get that the college dorm guy was not the caller’s boyfriend but she should have called him out on his bullshit (and offensive) concern and if he still refused to reciprocate, then simply refuse to do anything sexual with him and leave.

    Also, Lucy seems like a nice person and I actually didn’t mind her in the first podcast she participated in. I thought her sharing her experience in an emotionally abusive relationship was enlightening. However, in this most recent podcasts she really did not add to the conversation and at times was more distracting then helpful (e.g. the trans question). I don’t mind the occasional informed guest who has some expertise in at least one of the topics commonly covered on SL. Lucy is simply none of those things (She couldn’t even offer meaningful contributions to questions that you would think she knows something about like the the caller with the period question or the college dorm guy question.) I also have to agree with previous commenters who noted that with her presence, some of the questions are not taken seriously. Perhaps you can keep her in the room but off the mike during podcasting like you did with the TSARY.

  17. 1) If you wear a properly fitting diaphragm while you’re having your period, you can have vaginal intercourse and your partner doesn’t even need to know. Sheesh. I thought everyone knew that.
    2) I think you were meaner than you needed to be to the mom. And what is the “don’t tell your parents/don’t talk to your kids about their sex-lives” thing? Is there really a rule? Do we all have to follow it? Feels like you might have a hang-up about parents sometimes.
    3) I’m not transgendered, but does anybody ever not like to hear “You look great!” ?
    4) I couldn’t hear the eating, and I can take Lucy or leave her, but you did seem off this podcast. I’m surprised that no one has mentioned that maybe you shouldn’t DRINK and take calls.

  18. I empathize with the Asian top. I had an Asian roommate once who complained about how the majority members in the gay community expected him to be the demure Asian stereotype and as soon as he indicates he wants to top them, they loose interest in him sexually and socially. As a gay black male I to am expected to be a thug top and when I demonstrate that is not the case, we cease to exist -even at a social level. The gay community has a deeper attachment to sexual stereotypes than the straight community that unfortunately leaves the bedroom and is a part of the social sphere. Unless you meet their narrow stereotypes in the bedroom, you become a socially and sexually non-entity.

  19. Dan – I’ve listened to every show you’ve ever recorded, left my own recorded question for your podcast, tell all my friends about your show and consider myself a fan – a word I sparingly use. I don’t always agree with your advice, but I have nothing but respect for the way you approach your callers, readers and guests with thoughtful, insightful words.

    That said, these last two podcasts have been the only two I have disliked since you started recording, and this made me want to unsubscribe until your show resumes its pre-Lucy format. She reminds me of every fag hag I’ve ever known and frankly – considering your pre-aired thoughts on the negative aspects of the fag-hag relationship- I feel it’s hypocritical to bring her along for the ride just because she’s a new woman in your life that happens to giggle a lot and agree with everything you say. Literally. Everything. That is not conversation, that is flirting.

    Also, the gay man + straight woman thing is making the show kind of “vaginas-are-gross-ish.” If people love the idea of a woman side-kick, maybe get a lesbian to even things out. Or a sidekick that has any knowledge of relationships and sex. No offense at all to her.

    And the food thing. Please, please, please stop.

  20. Yes 53 and 69. Just wanted to add that I think it’s really uncool how that nowadays when you express an opinion that’s not complimentary and flattering, you’re dismissed as “a hater”. And, I’d rather be called that than dishonest–which is what I actually try to avoid being when I express myself.

  21. Dan. Please.

    Nothing against Lucy on a personal level, I’m sure she’s a lovely person. But she adds NOTHING to the show. The opposite in fact.

    First, I’d agree wholeheartedly with the commenter who noted that with her on, and joking with you, the tone shifts from sincere to glib and dismissive. It doesn’t help that she laughs at just about everything. In fact, her laugh sounds to me like someone who’s uncomfortable with the subject matter at hand and is laughing to cover their discomfort, which in turn reads to me as very sex-negative, something I know you don’t want on your show. And ditto the person who called out the vaginas-are-icky undertones running through this show. This was the most sex-negative podcast I’ve ever heard from you, and it made me want to stop listening.

    Second, her comments conveyed no insight or compassion into anyone’s situation. She would try to rewrite the situations described into situations she actually had advice for, or she would ignore or forget things that the callers had said, or she would just give inane advice (laughing all the time, of course). Worse, you seemed to KNOW this, because every time that happened you would jump in to backtrack from her comment, or correct it, or lead the conversation in a new direction. You sounded like the smart kid at the cool table, trying not to be an ass but not willing to walk away from the people who were making you look like one.

    So seriously, what is the point of this? We tune in to listen to you, not you and your giggly, dismissive, vag-phobic cheer squad. I love your podcast, but one more Lucy episode and I’m out.

  23. The first week with Lucy was great. She didn’t take away from the podcast at all. This week, she showed her youth and lack of experience. I still like having her on the podcast though. She sounds like a total babe. Come to the University of Victoria just north of the border, and I’ll make sure Lucy gets laid while on tour.

    About the cum dripping out topic. My ex would complain about cum dripping out of her for days after we had had sex last.

    And with the period sex one, I personally don’t mind having sex with a girl on her period, but some girls and guys just don’t like it. A women’s libido can be either really ramped up when she’s on her period, or can also be the complete opposite. I’ve gotten used to seeing a little blood on my dick after period sex, but for someone who’s never done it before, it can freak you out just a little 😛

  25. I don’t hate Lucy either, I’m not offended. It’s been nice, but it’s enough please. I’m sure she is nice and cool, but I would definitely like to have Dan back on his own.

    But also, the humor has become very unfunny! That’s a problem when there’s a joke every five seconds…

  26. Today’s installment hasn’t been uploaded yet, but I wanted to point out that you’ve received a lot of thoughtful criticism about Lucy, and that I would be surprised to hear Dan refer to the feedback again as “douchey.”

    Lucy adds interest to the show by coming across as sexy and by engaging him in flirtatious chemistry. For the record, folks, Lucy has the second biggest cock on the show (second to Dan, of course)! Impressive. It’s one way to appeal to listeners, and clearly a lot of people are digging it.

    But it all seems very ungrounded to me, which is understandable, I guess, because Dan’s travelling the country now, partying with 20-year-olds, and that has to be trippy and stressful. And it’s understandable that Dan is grateful to Lucy for helping to keep him sane in the process. She’s the face of the demographic the MTV show is after, anyway, which is probably helpful for Dan.

    I don’t resent Dan and Lucy for enjoying each other’s company, for flirting their pants off with each other. Chemistry is chemistry. But you know that really smart friend who started seeing a hot piece of ass and then lost touch with himself and the world for a while? That’s what this feels like. I’m not saying that’s what this is, but that’s what it feels like.

    Lucy seems easily grossed out. She’s never had sex on her period? Okay, that’s her choice. But her obvious discomfort imagining other women doing so feels judgemental. She can kind of understand the dude who won’t go down on a lady because (she thinks) he’s (legitimately?) afraid of eating another man’s splooge? (And Dan jumped on that one and started defending it?) Ridiculousness aside, as another commenter observed, sex-negative much?

    “Listen as Lucy learns what a cream pie is.” Yeah. Let’s tune in week after week to hear Lucy giggling and squealing, scandalized yet again by other people’s sex lives. But it’s all right, because she’s really cool and nice, and despite her personal limits, thinks everyone should do what they want. I get that this is the minimum Dan is asking of the mainstream.

    But you don’t get there by having someone with mainstream views agreeing with almost everything you say. You get there by giving weight to the reality of unconventional sexualities. And you certainly don’t give weight to those realities by being grossed out about them.

    I haven’t decided if I’ll tune in today. The last two shows have been flimsy. I’m not demanding better. I just might check in again when Dan’s back in Seattle and the TSARY are in a better position to do quality control.

    Keep banging, TSARY.

  27. One more thing. I don’t usually refer to people as hot pieces of ass, and I feel bad for having used the term above. I didn’t mean to be mean. Lucy comes across as sexy and cute and cool and nice. She’s likeable.

    Her presence on the show seems to entail a shuffling of priorities, a changing up of values. That’s what I was trying to get at with the friend with a hot piece of ass comment. It’s the feeling you get when you’ve known someone for a long time, and they meet someone new and start changing in a way that betrays what you thought they stood for in the first place.

    But maybe it’s just me!

    Cheers.

  28. I have to agree with #6 it appalling to see so many negative comments about one of the podcast’s guests. I thought she did fine. Pretty funny seeing commentators demanding she be removed from the show considering the podcast is free.Since you guys aren’t paying customers Dan can pretty much do whatever he wants,including munching in the mic and having co-eds on the show. I think some people may also be confused on what the word ‘guest’ means.

  30. 1. I like the positive chemistry that Lucy brings to the podcast.

    2. Dan is busy. If having Lucy on the podcast is what gives him the energy to make a podcast at all, he should tell us so and keep her on.

  31. And by the way, Dan, we wives who actually fuck their husbands might just resent your continued characterization of Lucy as your “wife” because she doesn’t fuck you, does your laundry, etc etc.

    Are you intentionally mooring your podcast in the culture of the Tonight Show, circa 1972?

  33. Just listened to last week’s podcast, and I’m sure Lucy is a swell person- she certainly seems to think you are the best- but it is annoying on the podcast! This is the first time I have ever felt compelled to post a comment. Understandable if you want some company, fine if you are buddies, but take away the microphone- lots of people listen to this, no need to bring it down for everyone!

  34. So you got confused with the cum in the hair comment. Women often have long hair. Unless they pull it back while giving oral sex, they can get cum in their hair easily, without the top of their head getting in the way. You missed the boat on that one, and I’m assuming Lucy must have short hair, too?

  35. I love Lucy! She’s wonderful! But Dan, don’t censor her! Why did you have to say that shit in the beginning about her interrupting or “ummm”ing? She was perfect just the way she was! Let her have the freedom to chime in whenever. She’s a woman with a wonder point-of-view! Have her on again!

  37. I want to echo the folks in the forum writing around The Lucy Review who also thought Dan was way too understanding to the guy who asked a hookup when the last time she had sex was before he could go down on her. I think that question rude as all hell and would have a really hard time not thinking the dude immature, ignorant about women’s bodies, sex-phobic or just loathe to go down on women in general.

    Having said that, I also thought Dan missed something frustrating about both her and the caller with the period issue. She gave the guy a blow job and left? WTF? If the guy was the douche I’m imagining, great way to reward him! To quote Lauryn Hill, “Baby girl, respect is just a minimum.”

    And the girl getting “let’s hang out’ invites cannot simply say that she’s busy or, more directly, that she’s on her period when she gets an invite? If you’re fucking someone, you should be able to achieve a minimal level of honesty in communication. If you cannot say you’ve got your period to a lover, or even simply saying you cannot “hang out” a given evening, you probably lack the self-esteem and maturity required to be fuckng other people in the first place.

    Both of these women’s “mousy” and overly-accommodating responses pissed me off. Pussy up, ladies, ffs!

  38. @65: yeah! @69: boy, you put it best. that cracked me up. mean, but kind of true. and @73: I’m not going to say it isn’t possible…but consider that she might have been lying to you and trying to turn you on. Your comment reminds me of a guy I knew who SWORE his girlfriend could have an orgasm from giving him a blowjob. *cough* ahem….sure, yeah. 😉

  40. Yes please oh please do not EAT on air. I am so happy all of you responded to this because when I was listening I thought someone was going to catch themselves in the act.

    I can say that I will remember this as one of THE most disgusting things I have ever heard list.

    Does anyone know more on Lucy? She sounds H O T

  41. Hey Dan, can I ask you to in future spell out websites that you’re recommending – especially if the name is something like John Shaw. It took a lot of googling to discover it was John *Shore*. It’s a small irritation but you did say ‘johnshore.com’ several times slowly without mentioning the spelling.

  42. I like Lucy’s presence on the show. I’ve been so busy that I got far behind on my podcasts and I’m listening to about 5 in a row. It’s shocking to hear the negative comments from people. I believe those people have a problem with change but it’s refreshing to have things tossed around a bit. I wish I were at the airport in Queens when Lucy got home.

  43. By the way, sperm can actually hang out for a week or so in the fallopian tubes, waiting on ovulation. I recommend radiolab’s episode on sperm if people are curious about this stuff. Not something you’re going to run in to in cunnilingus though…

  44. Forgive me if someone else has raised this already, but the first thing I thought about the mom’s reaction to her son’s interest in porn where women “try not to pee and fail”; is it possible that she’s misinterpreting “squirting” (i.e., female ejaculation) videos? Just a thought.

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