A woman is in an unacknowledged fuck-buddy situation. He calls her up to “watch a movie or something,” and then they have sex. But he always seems to call her when she’s on her period…
An open-minded mother isn’t worried that her son watches porn. It’s just that she doesn’t like the kind of porn he’s into.
Listen in as Lucy learns what a cream pie is.
And a lot more.
Call us with your questions, but please—not from the car.
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Enjoy the podcast(as always). But to hear the both of you chowing down on food and slapping your lips while you talk about cream pies was making me sick.
Please don’t eat and talk about eating bodily fluids in the future, please.
Keep up the great podcast
I like the chemistry of Dan and Lucy
Lucy was super funny. Skid mark conversation was brilliant. Great chemistry. Anyone who doesn’t like her can suck it. Aside from the Sex at Dawn guy, she’s my favorite.
Lucy was great! Who could not love someone who can deal with Dan?
Loved having Lucy. But please, please, don’t ever eat while podcasting again. Fucking gross.
YAY LUCY! I was thrilled to hear her adorable laughter at the beginning of the show.
I was appalled by the negativity and downright rudeness of certain listeners last podcast. I thought Lovecast fans were better than that.
Love Lucy! She’s awesome! I loved her in the last podcast too. I don’t usually view the comments posted on the show and had no idea that she got some flak from last time. I think she’s a great addition to the podcast.
Ben –
Maybe I’m a bit of a freak, but I would totally find it hot if Dan and Lucy got it on!!!
I <3 Lucy as well. Call me sentimental, but I thought it was awesome to have a female perspective on some of the questions that have been asked!
i’m going to second the eating comment. dan, you promised!
I like Lucy – except the whole call about the period thing. A lot of guys aren’t bothered by it. I have a fuck buddy and we quite often have sex while I have mine… sometimes we (I) do oral and then we have anal… of course ours is ackowledged fuck buddy relationship.
DAN!
I think the mother who called describing her son’s porn as “seems like woman trying not to pee and they ultimately fail, they release or whatever” could be exactly what she interpreted it to be, but also could very likely be “squirter” porn, i.e. real or simulated female ejaculation. If it is the latter rather than the former the psychology of it is way different than what you described for the pee thing, as I believe you have discussed before.
It would probably be better if you helped this women determine what exactly it is that she saw for sure before making her think her son is a piss fetishist or into female humiliation, (not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just probably a harder pill for a mother to swallow).
Please, please, please don’t eat while you’re recording the podcast. I feel that it’s kind of disrespectful to the person whose question you are answering.
With regards to Lucy – I’m not sure how I feel about her being on the podcast again. I’d like her to be a tiny bit more serious about the questions, perhaps.
Lucy is fucking awesome. Keep her forever, please. The two of you have great podcast chemistry!
You’re pushing me to the edge here Dan. I’m sure Lucy is just a peach in real life.. but she ain’t radio material. I’m bored to tears and need a break from the giggles. Get over her— I am.
I vote for Lucy. There are mean comments here, I understand — what can you expect? It’s the internet, after all. But I enjoyed the dynamics between the two of you very much, and I’d vote in favor of more joint podcasts.
Lucy is amazing. It was a great surprise finding out she was on this podcast as well.
Keep her forever. In a cage? In your basement.
Wellthatgotcreepyprettyfuckingquick
I was really weirded out by the lack of conversation when I came out as a mtf transgender type. It felt like there was an enormous elephant in the room. I should have started the conversation but I didn’t want to because I really wasn’t the one confused. I think it made some of my friends and acquaintances uncomfortable and I did hear some ugly stories about the conversations that followed my exiting the room. I’m completely open but I don’t think everybody is and reactions seems very personal. Very difficult, no cut and dry answer. I think we transfolk have a pretty strong radar on peoples comfort level and if someone is a threat as opposed to um, at a loss for words. I guess it isn’t an answer but at least it’s a perspective. Just be nice that’s all anybody wants when they’re going through something difficult.
Haha, I agree with #3, I like Lucy and I also miss Sex at Dawn guy.
Sounds like you two are having fun, which makes it fun for us.
Since it looks like there won’t be a lot of phoning advice-seekers back while you’re on tour, having Lucy there gives a little of that give and take, which helps keep Dan grounded and from disappearing up his own asshole, which sometimes happens.
You know who I miss? Dr Barak !
Yeah, I’m gonna chime in on the no-eating plea. Really unpleasant when I’m trying to listen with headphones.
So it looks like Lucy is a replacement TSARY who gets to talk. OK. She sounds like a lot of my friends — frankly she sounds sort of like me, I’m sure I’d like her IRL but I prefer to hear Dan Savage without a cheerleader. No offense to her.
My favorite band released a new album this year and chose to use a girl backup singer to a degree that all the songs sounded more like duets than the band I love. So I didn’t buy the album. She wasn’t who I wanted to hear.
It sounds like the Dan/Lucy duet is going to be doing the show for awhile. I’ll probably just delete the podcast from Itunes until the “Lucy period” comes to an end.
I loved this weeks show, Lucy is awesome! I can’t believe she got flak last week because the chemistry between her and Dan is great. Another vote for more joint podcasts!!
Dan, two practical comments for the woman who was unsure about sex with her f-buddy while she has her period. 1) IF she wants to have sex but doesn’t want to deal with the blood (or he doesn’t) she can use a “soft cup” (http://www.softcup.com) and there will be no bloody vagina 2) Cum in the hair following a blow job isn’t necessarily a sign of doing it wrong. You have short hair; I have long hair. Trust me – a person with long hair can give great head and get cum in the long hair. (I suppose one solution is to put the long hair in a bun or at least tie it back, but I’ve actually used the no-rinse shampoo to take care of that.)
Sorry but I can’t fucking listen to Lucy. I’m deleting my Savage Love rss feed. When Dan stops having a cohost I’ll subscribe again.
Angry lady rage in 3-2-1….
Girl with the guy who won’t go down on her after she sleeps with her boyfriend–or rather, the girl with the entitled douche nugget who needs a fucking chart detailing every sexual encounter she’s had with her boyfriend, and the exact moment his dick was pulled out of her and a video to prove exactly when and where he came and how much damage he’s done to her vagina before he will deign to put his face near it. FUCK THAT GUY. You were right to be turned off. How insulting! RUN! this guy has sex hang ups and that’s SO not hot. Don’t allow yourself to be degraded like that. Dan, you SHOULD have dismissed his concern as completely irrational. How could you validate that position at all!!? I mean, I heard your reasoning re: 12 hour old cum, yada yada, but unless her boyfriend had literally blown his load in her AN HOUR BEFOREHAND, there’s no way that cum would still be in there two days later and would somehow dribble out of her vagina onto this guy’s face! Hahaha, come on! That’s incredibly unlikely! I mean, it comes out practically the minute you stand up, for one thing. haha. And second, the vagina cleans itself pretty quickly after sex (there’s always stuff coming out of it, that’s how vaginas work, stuff goes in, stuff comes out! tada!) Plus, I have to assume that she showered before sex. And even FURTHER I would be willing to bet that even if her boyfriend had splooged in her an hour before sex with this guy, and she didn’t say anything, and a fucking DROP of cum leaked out with her pussy juice, he wouldn’t even be able to taste it!!! I mean, give me a fucking break.
I think this guy was absolutely slut-shaming, I think it was a typical, entitled, homophobic, vagina phobic, sexually insecure douchebag coming up with an excuse not to eat pussy, or rather, to make a girl feel ashamed about the fact that she wants her pussy eaten. (It’s not a right, it’s a privilege, ladies…)
Or whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. If he really was worried about tasting cum, or getting a cream pie (that somehow comes out four fucking days later *rolls eyes*), that’s some pussy ass bullshit. Either he’s being a dick about the fact that he’s not your primary sex partner, or he’s just a neurotic germaphobic dork. Either way, get the fuck away from him.
I’m cool with a guy making grooming requests, or showering requests, and I get that straight men are squiky about jizz, but when you start policing what’s been in my pussy or how many things have been in my pussy ever, or asking me to prove that something hasn’t been in my pussy, that’s when I show you the fucking door.
Call Dr. Barak, Dan, and ask him if he thinks that a load of cum can really stay in a woman’s vagina for three days! Dear god! I need a glass of wine.
<3 u, Dan, but that was gay. 😉
Last week, I was irritated by Lucy. I didn’t feel that she added anything at all to the conversation. After her encore appearance, Lucy needs to go. Her clueless answers to the period issue and the transphobic comment were juvenile and uninformed. I prefer when Dan has expert guests that actually have a clue.Lucy’s presence is downright unhelpful.
I didn’t find myself offended by Lucy’s trans comment. As far as I can tell, she is young, sweet, fun and she is temporary. Plus with all the criticism I’d say she is taking it on the chin with quiet aplomb. Lucy, you are alright in my book! Just keep an open mind, be kind and never stop playing! But I’d like to humbly suggest, Mr. Savage, NO EATING AND PODCASTING. It was really really gross.
Lucy is awesome! She has the best laugh! And her interactions with Dan are great.
I’m FtM transgender, and have had some awkward encounters with people who knew me before transition and then never knew about transition until a while after it when I ran into them again… The best encounter I had was with my old orthodontist. Some highlights: “Hey [correct/new name]! It’s been a while; you look good!” Use of correct pronouns/name throughout conversation. Lots of genuine, polite smiling.
I think intentionally ignoring it and trying to use no pronouns or stumbling about makes it very awkward and very obvious that you are uncomfortable. It can be hard to decide if someone is just uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say, or uncomfortable because they’re trying to think of all the times you might have accidentally rubbed your gay off on them and what their pastor might think.
Think of it almost like you’re seeing someone at your high school reunion. They’re all grown up now, maybe got married to someone you’d never expect, have a cool new job… Just be happy for them, be friendly, and try not to stare.
@26: I actually think Lucy had a relevant point when she said that she’d heard in college that a guy’s jizz could stay in the vagina for 28 days. I’m in college, and even though I hadn’t heard that, I hear similar kinds of bullshit all the time. A lot of college-age guys know very, very little about sex, and although I think the girl in this situation has every right to be offended and want nothing else to do with this guy, I also think that he might just be freaked out.
In terms of Lucy: she seems like a kind of limited guest, considering that she didn’t even see the possibility that the girl on her period might actually enjoy vaginal intercourse on her period. I was with Dan, I thought she should just say that it was that time of the month when he called and then it would be his choice to say “Oh that’s totally fine, I’ll fuck your brains out anyway” or “That’s totally fine, I wouldn’t mind actually watching a movie” or “Oh, I’m sorry about that, call me back when you’re over it?” I don’t think any of those are douchey things to say.
Wow… apparently some people here are really offended by the sound of a young women laughing and having fun. What shitty lives they must lead.
Hey Dan, I love the show. I have a couple of comments about the last show.
I want to respectfully say that it seems like you “phoned in” your responses to a couple of the callers. Normally your responses are pretty well thought out. Perhaps the delivered food was a distraction.
The first thing is the most obvious one. You talked for way to long justifying the guy wanting to know how long it had been since she had been with someone else before he went down on her. Why did you completely ignore the fact that perhaps the guy was attracted to her, was interested in being with her, but maybe he wanted something besides just that one night? There are several reasons why a woman might not want to have sex with a guy, but would be more than willing to do other things. Some people are really free about oral sex, (bless them for it) and they will only have “real” sex in the context of a relationship. It is very reasonable for the guy to have thought that she is like that, and as a result, would be an indication that she wasn’t really that into him, even though she was willing to give, and receive oral. She didn’t say anything about the guy having a 3rd grade fear of some other guys semen being in her, she only said, “He wanted to know how long it had been.” How long it had been could mean hours, sure, or it could also mean months.
Maybe the guy isn’t as sexually liberal as she is.
Also, Lucy is great. I especially enjoy her voice. I could listen to it all day! I have to complain that she wasn’t able to contribute enough on the show. I just heard that she is coming on your show next week. That is awesome. I catch your podcast about once every other month, and this is the first time I am making a point out of listening to a show in the future. I’m hoping she’ll be a stronger presence!
test
Whoops! Didn’t mean to post the “test”. Had a problem logging on and hit “preview” and it posted live and I couldn’t delete!
Probably because I was going to post something negative.
But that’s not going to stop me! Just wanted to chime in with the minority who isn’t so into Lucy. Sorry! I don’t feel she adds anything to the show and although her laugh is adorable and Dan gives me at the very least one good laugh per show (usually more), Lucy laughs constantly and it’s annoying! Is it nervous laughter?
Also, it’s funny that Dan’s told callers to keep their questions as short as possible because lately, it seems he’s being long-winded and repeating himself a lot with his answers.
OK, this is just one person’s opinion but I’d like to hear more calls, less repetition and no more Lucy. Sorry if you’re reading this Lucy, it’s nothing personal you seem very nice but I tune in because I just love hearing all the various issues that I never even dreamed existed and Dan’s (hopefully non-repetitive) suggestions for their resolutions.
I’m a female, just out of my teens, with a wetting/piss fetish. To the mother of the boy, I would just like to reiterate what Dan said: DON’T SAY ANYTHING to your son, and also, don’t say anything to your friends. Dan was the right person to call to get this off your chest.
RE: tg querry: When someone first transitions, it can be extremely shocking and a huge thing to face for all the people around them. Friends, family, coworkers, are often thrown for a loop; the trans adage “all the people in your life have to transition with you” applies. The shocked expressions and pronoun stumbling are going to be the norm, it’s a fact of life, at least until the person acclimates and has some time distance between them and their full-time date. So the lawyer was puzzled at first but adapted and started using the right pronouns immediately. It’s a sticky situation to be in, but he navigated the situation professionally. That’s the most important thing. Just maintain a professional level of respect, and PLEASE make an extra effort to get affected pronouns right. If the trans person has anything to share with you about their transition, allow them to. Some people will overcompensate in their attempts to be supportive and the receiving trans person ends up feeling totally singled out and patronized. been there, and it’s a weird feeling. “Wait am i being cheered along in the Special Transition Olympics?” thanks! -VD
Oh Dan….if your “sex show” brings you to Tampa… and if you are not just looking for a hook-up with a college aged guy, I PROMISE you that you will have sex. Even my GGG partner/boyfriend/spousal equivelent would give me the green light to rock your world. (As long as you HIC/BFA Terry wasn’t opposed. Ahhh I’m probably not your type anyway….but someone should be satisfying your every need while you are touring the country.
I’m the bitter ol’ lady who wrote the “I’m So Mad At You” letter. I want to thank you so much for apologizing and addressing the issue. It may seem like a tiny point, but it’s hard to have a sense of humor or glib attitude about something that almost killed one of my best friends (she had several bones broken by her abuser and was held hostage). I have a great sense of humor and love to joke about things, but this little point was important to me. It means a lot to me and her that you reminded everyone that anyone can be in abusive relationships and that you didn’t mean what you implied with the slip of your tongue. I still remain a fan and regular listener. Thank you so much again.
@31…ok…MAYBE you’re right. I probably shouldn’t listen to the podcast after drinking a triple shot latte and two cups of coffee.
Re: The Lucy Debate: Are we all just jealous because a random chick is partnering with Dan on the podcast and we all just wish we were her? Huh? huh? something to think about.
The eating didn’t bother me. But that’s probably because I’m always eating during the podcast. It’s not easy sometimes. But then again, I don’t freak out about jizz being in people’s pussies.
Oooh! For the fuck buddy chick: when you get your period and that guy texts you, say “Sorry, my vagina is closed for repairs.” That’s my favorite one.
My comment is intended to be objectively critical and non-judgmental and I hope it is viewed that way. In the past when you have shared your mic, your guests have contributed informed content. Lucy does not. She is an unnecessary sidekick offering only a comedic laugh track and it is taking your game down several notches. The format of your show wasn’t broken. Stop fixing it. Please.
What I love about S.L. is the delicate balance of humor and sincerity with which you answer people’s questions. When you are goofing around with some girl (even worse having her answer questions when she doesn’t have anything insightful to offer) the whole tone of the show changes to glib and careless. I am an avid listener, but I found myself cringing several times this week and last, especially when you mentioned having her back yet again next week. Hope it’s just you and the TSARY.
@42 That’s not an objective comment at all, it’s your very subjective, personal preference. Don’t pretend otherwise.
I find Lucy distracting–and not the good, sexy kinda distracting. Dan and Lucy were so busy laughing at their own jokes about the trans person (can’t remember now if the client was MTF or FTM), and how the lawyer should acknowledge the person’s transition that I never got the goods on how to respond. I myself have faced this issue, as 3 of my colleagues (whom I previously socialized with on a regular basis, but who I now–due to moving for my job–see only intermittently at professional conferences every other year or so) have transitioned FTM. I mean, when somebody drops 30 pounds or gets new glasses, I wouldn’t hesitate to comment: “Oh, you look great” or “Are those new glasses? The frames look very nice on you.” But WTF do I say to someone when they’ve changed their *gender*? I really wanted to know, and I want to respect my colleagues’ decisions, but I didn’t get a straight answer (pun intended) from the podcast on how to acknowledge this big transition.
In short: When Lucy is on the podcast, the signal to static ratio is way off. Dan, please, in your next podcast, address this issue with greater seriousness and in more depth. Thank you.
I just want to completely disagree with the response caller about the Athiest woman. Being an Athiest doesn’t mean you completely lack a morality, we just lack a morality based on ridiculous rules written in in a book. Plus I do not believe that morality comes only from religion. We form our principles in many ways besides religious indoctrination, through stories, fairy tales, fiction, as well as a basic concept of appreciating the value of human life and nature. While it might be difficult for her to transition to thinking of morality as a way to behave because it is good and right, as opposed to a way to behave or otherwise you’re going to hell, ignoring her misbehavior wont help that. Part of how we learn to behave is through the reaction of our peers, it is important that someone tell her that she’s out of line.
Oh and for the record: Sperm can stay alive in the vagina for 7 days. Not sure about semen itself. But I flinched at Lucy throwing out college urban legends. Isn’t that what we’re trying to AVOID going out in the ether?
If Lucy must hold your hand through the podcast, can’t she be silent like the TSARY?
Lucy sounds inexperienced and callous with listeners’ calls! Just because someone does your laundry doesn’t mean that they give awesome sex advice Dan! Lucy’s jokes aren’t funny, in fact they sound like the sex negative bullshit that your whole career purports to dispell. Also it’s “creepy” that Lucy has NEVER LISTENED TO THE PODCAST before she was on…Dan, stick with more informed co-hosts! These last two with Lucy have def been the most boring and cringe-y that I’ve heard. Mistress Matisse, Sex at Dawn guy, all awesome. Lucy sounds like my freshman year roommate, Blah!
Lucy is cool. I like her. Chill the fuck out and stop drinking the hateraid, people. On another note, I’m sad to hear she isn’t getting laid on the tour. I’d be happy to do the honors.
For a free podcast, a lot of people have a lot of demands.
It sounds like Dan is kind of busy with the MTV college tour/show, and is putting the Lovecast together when he can squeak it in. And if he wants a sounding board since the tech team isn’t there to record callbacks, etc. he’s entitled to have someone like Lucy on to fill that role.
Also, he’s entitled because IT’S HIS FUCKING SHOW.
That said…I think Dan softballed the question on the college guy who wouldn’t go down on a caller unless she told him when the last time she had sex was.
If both parties meet up for sex…I think the general expectation is that your junk is going to be clean. I’d never dream of asking someone as we’re getting into it on my bed to clarify when the last time they had sex was, and if it was within x amount of time I’d refuse to give head. I’d expect they’d toweled and washed off since the last time, unless I was filming a gangbang scene.
Slutshaming? Probably not. More homophobia and general reluctance to go down on a woman. Guys like that don’t deserve blowjobs, caller. They deserve a fleshjack and some sanitizing wipes, cuz they got issues.