This week's Savage Love Letters of the Day: A straight guy wanted to know why professional Dominatrixes are so expensive and ProDomme Twitter went off; a gay guy wasn't sure what to do with his anger after his fiancé dumped him in the most cowardly way possible; her mother wants to meet up with her and her "long-lost" brother but she thinks it's a bad idea. And, of course, this week's Savage Love and this week's Savage Lovecast.

First up, about canceling your loved ones...

You recently added the following to a response: "Don't go SJW on future boyfriends, fiancés, husbands, etc. You can talk about and even challenge a lover's assumptions, biases, thoughtless prejudices, etc., without calling them out or canceling them."

I struggle with this. I canceled my father, in laws and brother in law when they voted for Trump. But I can't totally cancel my in-laws. My wife hates Trump but is very close to her parents, so I am courteous and polite. I had to set boundaries there as well. I am a veteran, and my in-laws had to be told (three effing times) that it was hypocritical to "thank me for my service" on Veterans Day after voting for a guy who ridiculed a POW specifically for being caught (John McCain) and shit all over the family of another dead servicemember when they had the temerity to criticize him. So they know to STFU about my veteran status, and while they are welcome at holidays and gatherings, my birthday is off the table. (In my wife's family, birthdays are high holy days. I never celebrated mine until we got together.)

After the cancel, I was actually happier. My dad was a wretched hypocritical shit prior, as was my BIL, so no losses there. My in-laws, however, were more difficult, as I had thought of them as the family I wish I had had growing up. Until they voted for Trump and I saw that they were all about saying the right things and not at all about actually doing the right things. At that point, it was two years of gut churning rage that I am now over, but there is a big hole where my feelings for them were. It's like they died. I know, it was my perception that died, they are the same awful people they were before Trump, but it still hurt at the time. Now it does not.

About that insecure sissy...

Hi, Dan. Longtime reader, first-time commenter. Regarding the Domme with the insecure cross-dressing sissy boyfriend: this is chancy, but perhaps she could try, “Yup. You’re right. No one wants you. Now suck this guy's cock. NOW.” Just a thought...

And...

Dang. That does it. I’m buying a big, tight black leathers, patent black leather stilettos, & a leather whip. I’d be able to buy a house in Nob Hill w/ the salary I’ll be making beating the sh it out of happily paying straight white male billionaires.

Regarding my advice to Angry Confidant...

I agree that AC should talk more to the girl who shared with him, but I disagree that he can’t label it. I was raped while drunk and it took me years of therapy to be able to use the word "rape." To say it out loud took a long time, even longer to make eye contact while saying it. This woman may need her friend to back her up and say, "Listen, what happened to you was wrong and it is not your fault." We’re not “out” about these things because society treats them as a grey area and we find a way to blame ourselves one way or another.

The verifying vasectomies debate continues...

Why are people so fucking incompetent? Unless you're getting a back alley vasectomy you will have a medical record of said procedure as well as the yearly follow up to make sure you are shooting blanks. You can login to your healthcare providers website and show this to your prospective partners. Its really that fucking easy! When my GF and i got together six years ago we did full STI screens and i showed her proof of my vasectomy. Done. WTF? These people are idiots. This is not hard.

Are we still talking about my opposite-sex soulmate? I guess we are...

Really, Dan? Really? There are billions of women on the planet and there isn't one woman—not one woman—you could see yourself falling for? Are you really that limited?

I'm not that limited. I'm that gay. But if there was one I could see myself falling for, out of all the women on the planet, it would be her. Not that I'm so deluded as to think she would fall for me. And our relationship would be platonic and the marriage, if it progressed to that, would be companionate. Because, again, I'm really that gay. Which I hope is okay with everyone who seems so oddly invested in the existence of my hypothetical opposite-sex soulmate and so weirdly disrespectful of my sexual orientation.

Say what, Twitter?

Every single call on this week's #savagelovecast is absolutely bonkers in its own way.
— veraciously (@veraciously) November 12, 2019

It’s not able-ist to use the word “Crazy” as in “making me crazy”. But if you prefer a different phrase @fakedansavage, we say “Driving me [fucking] banana cakes.” in this household. The ‘fucking’ is optional 😉 #SavageLoveCast
— rubbercake (@rubbercake) November 14, 2019

In response to a call about the bonus erectile benefits of veganism, Dan Savage just said, "Veganism: better for your meat." 😄👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Oh how I love him! #alsobetterfortheplanet 🌏 #yassss #savagelovecast #ep681
— Marie (@SLOmarieskis) November 14, 2019

And finally... I was born at the tail end of 1964... technically the boomer cutoff... so I knew going in to our recording session this week that I would get OK boomer'd by one of those snot-nosed brats on Blabbermouth. (It was Lester who slipped the knife between my old and bony ribs.) Well, a listener reached out with some good news...

I love you and your podcasts and I am concerned that you are needlessly upsetting yourself by identifying with the wrong generation. According to Wikipedia, these categories are cultural rather than calendar-based: “Authors William Strauss and Neil Howe define Generation X as those born between 1961 and 1981. They argue that those born between 1961 and 1964 are part of Generation X rather than the Baby Boomers because they are distinct from the Boomers in terms of cultural identity and shared historical experiences."

My argument is that if you really were a Boomer, you would be obnoxiously proud of that fact (like my husband) rather than legitimately annoyed by the self-centered "me" generation (like you and I both are). As a GenXer born in July 1965, I know what it feels like to follow behind the huge demographic lump of Boomers. When they were kids, all the attention and money went to them—when they were teens, the same, and so on throughout their life stages. It seemed like they were always sucking up all the good stuff and leaving us with the dregs. Social Security is the next resource that they will use up before we get there. GenX doesn’t want the spotlight, just healthcare and a non-evil job. Oh yeah, a non-polluted earth would be nice.

Do you remember Schoolhouse Rock? GenXer! Schools closing down? GenXer. Job-hunting during constant recessions? GenXer. Did you discover sex after Free Love and just before the AIDS crisis began? GenXer. Do the high school kids from Stranger Things look like people you remember? GenXer! You and I are part of the same cultural tribe!

Okay, we're going to leave it there! Hope everyone has a great weekend and we'll see you back here on Monday!

Watch the banned-on-Facebook-and-Instagram trailer for the 15th Annual HUMP! Film Festival...

Then come see HUMP! this weekend in Seattle, Portland, and Vancouver! I'm hosting the Vancouver screenings at the Rio Theater tonight and tomorrow night and I'll be in Seattle next weekend! Info and tickets here!