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I'm sure you have a lot of Tiger King cold case theories: A Tampa sheriff is looking for leads, but please read this before you call and tell him your horned-up fan theories.


Today's coronavirus headlines: The mayor of New York City says they need 3.3 million N95 masks by Sunday. The U.S. Coast Guard has determined that cruise ships must remain at sea with the sick onboard—indefinitely. The Pentagon is looking for 100,000 body bags to put us in. Find today's COVID-19 updates here.

Did you manage to make it through April Fools' Day without being tricked? I promise this headline isn't a trick: Truck hauling toilet paper catches fire on Texas interstate

The Pacific Northwest Ballet has furloughed most of its staff: I recommend reading this piece Rich Smith wrote about the best Pacific Northwest Ballet show he couldn't review, through your tears.

The future of startups looks bleak: One tech consultant referred to this period as "the great unwinding." Successful Seattle startups haven't been spared from the spiral.

Some video from yesterday's hail storm: The weather has been so beautiful and strange. I'm trying not to think about it.

It's boom time for gun retailers: Today, a Buzzfeed report showed "an unprecedented surge in gun sales" over the past few weeks. The previous record spike was after... Sandy Hook.

Did you catch today's biggest meme? It's Ina Garten getting smashed at 9 a.m. on her quarantine cocktail.

The Federal Trade Commission is suing to unwind (that word again!) Altria's $12.8 billion investment in Juul over alleged antitrust violations. From the FTC's press release:

Today, the Federal Trade Commission filed an administrative complaint (a public version of which will be available and linked to this news release as soon as possible) alleging that Altria Group, Inc. and JUUL Labs, Inc. entered a series of agreements, including Altria’s acquisition of a 35% stake in JUUL, that eliminated competition in violation of federal antitrust laws.

“For several years, Altria and JUUL were competitors in the market for closed-system e-cigarettes. By the end of 2018, Altria orchestrated its exit from the e-cigarette market and became JUUL’s largest investor,” said Ian Conner, Director of the Bureau of Competition. “Altria and JUUL turned from competitors to collaborators by eliminating competition and sharing in JUUL’s profits.”

It's Census Day: But if you haven't filled out the Census, there's still time. Here's a video on how to complete the 2020 Census online:

Are you enjoying watching TV hosts broadcast from home? News and late-night hosts across networks are producing stripped-down productions from home. Whoopi Goldberg is hosting The View from her office. Stephen Colbert is delivering opening monologues from his bathtub. Is it corny or cute? Will it get old? Personally, I love seeing the insides of everyone's homes.

Hold up: I'm sorry, but we have another Tiger King update. This one is rather unfortunate. Joe Exotic is in coronavirus isolation in jail. The news comes from Exotic's fourth husband, who told Andy Cohen today that in “the previous jail [Exotic] was at, there were [coronavirus] cases." The husband also told Cohen that Joe Exotic is a "power vers," which I think means he's a power top AND a power bottom at the same time.

Where's Joe Biden? Maybe it's best that he's lying low.

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Relationship expert Esther Perel has advice for couples under lockdown: She gave the advice to Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway in an excellent episode of their Pivot podcast. Here's a snippet:

"Look, there’s a number of very interesting dynamics happening and they’re not going to be in order of importance, but each and every one of them is significant. First it’s the fact that usually in a family or in a couple you have multiple roles of which there is a location for these roles. There is a place to be the parent, there’s a place to be the lover, a place to be the partner, place to be the friend, the professional, the worker. Here you have a collapse of all the roles in one space and they are intersecting with each other all the time. The only boundary left is the mute button on your Zoom. Then you have the fact that people are experiencing prolonged uncertainty, acute stress, the grief that comes with the world that you have known no longer being nearly as predictable and no one knowing really where this is going."

One last thought for the day: Stop trying to be productive. Read this excellent piece from Taylor Lorenz and reflect on how "staying inside and attending to basic needs is plenty."