"Natalie Portman...as the World's Least Likely Astrophysicist." Actually, Portman graduated from Harvard College and has co-authored two published scientific papers. These are things you and your editor will never accomplish, Mr. Jason "Seattle's Least Liked Writer" Baxter. Your editor may have done a slipshod job missing this, but luckily for them "Seattle's Least Liked Editor" has to go to either Mike Seely of the Seattle Weekly, or Ryan Blethen.

Oh right, because it's so hard to author scientific papers. I myself have four of them, and I hardly know anything.

Portman comment aside, I thought this was a great review. Those Jumanji monkeys are perfectly described!

Natalie Portman as an astrophysicist makes just as much sense as the likewise academically accomplished James Franco as a bioengineer in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Regardless of their offscreen diplomas, they're still improbably pretty performers who sound ridiculous when spouting poorly-scripted scientific mumbo-jumbo.

I found Natalie Portman's character pretty convincing, actually. She was a bit flightly in her personal life, but she was fiercely and obsessively into her research, and was willing to do stupid things to rescue her data. I definitely know scientists like that.

Natalie Portman's best picture remains Leon: The Professional.

Yes, I am trolling a bit.