A Guide for Your First Hump

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Slog PM: The Death of Local News, Bossip Retracts "Kidz Bop Kween," I WANT NOTHiNG!!!!!

Trumps notes from today.
Does he exclusively write with a Sharpie? Mark Wilson / Getty

It's been a wild news day: Sondland, Sondland, Sondland. He's all over the internet. The United States ambassador to the European Union directly implicated members of the Trump administration in the Ukrainian quid pro quo scandal. "Everyone was in the loop," said Sondland. That said, Republicans are fiercely focusing on how he might have some credibility problems.

Pence was one of the members of Trump's administration implicated in Sondland's testimony: Here's Pence's response.


Trump's response: In a quick attempt to defend himself against Sondland's testimony, the President rattled off how he wanted "no quid pro quo." As his hand-written note proclaimed, HE WANTS NOTHiNG. HE WANTS NOTHiNG. Our office was perplexed by his handwriting, which continues to defy reason. Why is it in all caps? Except for the "i"s and "e"s? Intrepid Googler Christopher Frizzelle did some research and the results are damning:

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Laura Cooper Blows Key Republican Talking Point Out of the Water

Agent Coopers testimony is a damn fine cup of coffee.
Agent Cooper's testimony is like a damn fine cup of coffee.* CF

Laura Cooper, the deputy assistant secretary of defense for Russia and Ukraine, is giving testimony that totally undermines a theory advanced by Republican Elise Stefanik yesterday. In her questioning of former ambassador Kurt Volker, Stefanik, who is the youngest member ever elected to Congress but just as annoying as any of them, said emphatically that the Ukranians did not even know there was a hold on the security aid, so there's no way they could have felt extorted by it.

"The fact is that the Ukrainians were not even aware of this hold on aid, is that correct?" Stefanik says one minute into the video below. Kurt Volker replies: "That's correct." Stefanik goes on to assert that Ukraine didn't know there was a hold on the aid until they read about it in Politico. "The Ukrainians never even knew their foreign aid was on pause until the article was published in Politico in August," she says two minutes in. Volker: "That is correct."

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Apropos of Nothing, Here Is the Presidential Line of Succession

Apropos of nothing, heres a picture of Gordon Sondland testifying before the impeachment inquiry today.
Apropos of nothing, here's a picture of Gordon Sondland testifying before the impeachment inquiry today. Win McNamee/Getty Images

AHEM! Just in case anyone is wondering... because it's always good to have an informed electorate... and apropos of absolutely nothing... here is...

THE US PRESIDENTIAL LINE OF SUCCESSION

If the president dies, resigns, or is removed from office, the following person will take his place—that is, if that person also doesn't die, resign, or get removed from office.

(1) Vice President Mike Pence (who again, apropos of nothing, was accused of being "looped in" to President Trump's extortion plot against Ukraine).

And (2) Speaker of the House of Representatives NANCY PELOSI (who helped set the impeachment inquiry in motion that could possibly take down President Trump, as well as anyone who was "looped in" to his criminal plot).

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Seven Places to Celebrate Beaujolais Nouveau Day 2019 in Seattle

The French-American Chamber of Commerce of the Pacific Northwest will host their 27th Annual Beaujolais Nouveau Wine Festival at the Columbia Tower Club on Friday.
The French-American Chamber of Commerce of the Pacific Northwest will host their 27th Annual Beaujolais Nouveau Wine Festival at the Columbia Tower Club on Friday. Courtesy of Beaujolais Nouveau

The third Thursday of November (Nov. 21 this year) marks Beaujolais Nouveau Day, when France's most famous vin de primeur (a wine that may be sold the same year it is made) is released upon the world. As Tobias Coughlin-Bogue wrote in 2016, "Beaujolais Nouveau is such a magical, overabundantly fruity wine that it can help you forget that you live in the end times." Below, we've compiled all the restaurants and bars around Seattle that will fête the occasion by pouring their own Beaujolais Nouveau offerings.

THURSDAY

Bastille Cafe & Bar
Toast to this year's release of young French wine with special Beaujolais Nouveau pourings, along with wines from the Gang of Four and producers of Cru Beaujolais and Gamay-tailored tapas like salted cod cakes and beef tartare.
Ballard

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You Truly Do Not Need That Canada Goose Jacket

"Only Assholes Wear Canada Goose"

The price for a Canada Goose jacket ranges from $395 to $1,895.
The price for a Canada Goose jacket ranges from $395 to $1,895. JK
I'm just now realizing that this is a PETA sticker. I don't love that organization, but their point still stands. Canada Goose is an obnoxious brand and it's literally never cold enough here to warrant wearing one of their pricey jackets. It's like you're flossing for absolutely no reason. Walk around with a bottle Dom Pérignon and call it a day, my friends. The only amendment I'd make to the sticker is, "Only Assholes (and International Students) Wear Canada Goose."

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NewsCityCrime

Downtown Supermarket's Anti-Loitering Device Is Tormenting a Nearby Newsstand Owner

Benjamin Gant owns a newsstand directly across from the Kress IGA, whose Mosquito pumps out a continuous, ear-splitting noise. Hes not so happy when the machine is on.
Local business owner Benjamin Gant has been subjected to hours of continuous, high-pitched noises emanating from the Kress IGA's "Mosquito" device, which is located across the street from his newsstand. Courtesy of Benjamin Gant

As Slog readers and downtown denizens now know, the loud, continuous, and extremely irritating noise people hear while strolling down 3rd Avenue most evenings is emanating from a “Mosquito” device installed in the entryway of the Kress IGA, a supermarket located on 3rd and Pike St.

Store manager John Weller partly justifies tormenting the public with the noise by arguing that vagrants hanging around the supermarket's door is “just not safe for people who work here or adjacent business."

While there’s limited evidence to support his safety concerns, there’s compelling evidence that the Mosquito’s annoying, ear-splitting noise is actually pretty bad for adjacent businesses.

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Her Partner Is Chronically Ill and She's Going Crazy and Dan's Going to Bed...

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Within the past two years my partner of many, many years has become chronically ill. He has also become extremely depressed and our once extremely active sex life has dwindled to nothing. I'm no longer sexually or mentally fulfilled in ANY way. He has seen me through many things including being chronically ill myself. I will always love him and he is a huge part of my life but he is no longer the same person and I'm no longer sexually our otherwise attracted to him. This is not due to his physical illnesses but the change in his personality. It's very difficult for me to go through life feeling unfulfilled on a daily basis. I've been thinking about developing an online relationship or possibly even a "Friends With Benefits" relationship but I do not believe in cheating. This is my issue. I'm struggling with whether to get out and be judged for leaving him because he got ill—which would not be the case—or to stay and try to find fulfillment for myself in ways that go against my moral values. But I cannot remain this miserable for the rest of my life, that I know for sure.

Can't Leave A Sick Partner

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Sondland's "Refreshed" Memory Is a Problem for Trump

Episode 223 talks about Gordon Sondlands impeachment testimony, Donald Trumps hospital visit, Pete Buttigiegs hot numbers, and a provocative painting of Jeff Bezos.
Episode 223 talks about Gordon Sondland's impeachment testimony, Donald Trump's hospital visit, Pete Buttigieg's hot numbers, and a provocative painting of Jeff Bezos. Alex Edelman / Getty Images


Dan Savage, Eli Sanders, and Katie Herzog have all been glued to impeachment coverage this week and react to new revelations in Wednesday's bombshell testimony from Ambassador Gordon Sondland.

Dan also offers a theory about why Donald Trump made an unexpected, unannounced visit to the doctor over the weekend.

After that, Rich Smith has a thing or two to say about the ongoing war in the Democratic Party between so-called moderates and so-called purists, and Dan considers what a victory in Iowa would say about Pete Buttigieg, who’s suddenly leading in the polls there.

Finally, Jasmyne Keimig considers the image of Jeff Bezos, as presented by painter Robert McCurdy in an image currently hanging at the National Portrait Gallery. Plus...

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Inbox Jukebox Track of the Day: The Diabolically Suave Funk of "Ken Russell" from the New Reissue of David Axelrod's Seriously Deep

It only took 44 years for this classic orchestral-funk LP to get reissued on wax.
It only took 44 years for this classic orchestral-funk LP to get reissued on wax. Get on Down Records

David Axelrod, "Ken Russell" (Get on Down)

I know there's a lot going on today and you're busy planning your outfit for the bacchanal that'll take place when Trump's out of office, but! Did you hear? The late David Axelrod's long-out-of-print 1975 LP Seriously Deep has been reissued! This occurrence is partial proof that prayers—mine, specifically—sometimes work. My long, internal nightmare is over. (Yes, I have Dusty Groove's 2008 CD reissue, but I can't DJ with that.)

What's the big deal, you ask? Well, for one, Axelrod is one of the unintentional and greatest architects of hip-hop, as his productions have been sampled over 500 times by smart beatmakers. For another, beyond his phenomenal feel for funky rhythms, Axelrod's skills as an arranger of orchestral soul and spiritual rock (for the latter, see his Release of an Oath and Mass in F Minor albums with the Electric Prunes) are extraordinary. Sure, it helped that he had access to the Wrecking Crew session musicians, but he deserved nothing but the best.

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Transgender Day of Remembrance 2019 Events in Seattle

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GLAAD via Facebook

Wednesday, November 20, is Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR), an annual observance honoring the memory of those whose lives were lost in acts of anti-transgender violence. Accordingly, there will be several Seattle events tonight and over the weekend—see details below.

IN SEATTLE

WEDNESDAY

Seattle Central College
Join a candlelight vigil to hear an (incomplete) list of names of those who've lost their lives to anti-trans hate crimes in the United States. Speakers include Elayne Wylie (Gender Justice League), Taylor Briggs (Greater Seattle Business Association), and other activists.
Capitol Hill

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Ken Starr Shifts on Impeachment. Who's Next?

Ken Starr knows a little something about impeachment.
Ken Starr knows a little something about impeachment. Win McNamee/Getty Images

Will Republicans ever give up on Donald Trump?

That's the question floating around the House impeachment hearings, and it's essential to what happens next because without even if the House votes to impeach, without a conviction in the Republican-controlled Senate, these hearings will be just one more dark note on Trump's presidency—and not, as many Democrats hope, the end of it.

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PNW Shame Gordon Sondland Transforms Into PNW Hero Gordon Sondland by Throwing Everyone He Ever Met Under the Bus

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Pool / Getty Images

A year ago, Portland hotel magnate Gordon Sondland seemed to be pretty unextraordinary, at least in this, our blessed Trump Era. For all intents and purposes, Sondland was just one more Ayn Rand-reading, self-proclaimed "pillar of the community" who gave Trump so much money that he bought himself an ambassadorship he was wholly unqualified for.

(How unqualified? Sources say that closed-door testimony provided by Fiona Hill, Trump's former policy adviser for Russia and Europe, essentially characterized Sondland as someone who, as the New York Times put it, was "metaphorically driving in an unfamiliar place with no guardrails and no GPS," and "a counterintelligence risk because his actions made him vulnerable to foreign governments who could exploit his inexperience.")

All that changed this morning, though, when Sondland threw pretty much everyone who's of interest in the impeachment investigation directly under the bus, testifying to the House Intelligence Committee that he and others "followed the president's orders" when it came to the scandal at the core of the inquiry.

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NewsCity

Teresa Mosqueda Is Taking on Seattle’s Apartment Ban Using This Year’s Budget

We need to end the apartment ban, now.
We need to end the apartment ban, now. Getty

Seattle bans apartments in the vast majority of our city’s residential areas, allowing only detached homes under the guise of “single-family zoning.” This apartment ban is worsening our housing crisis, quickening climate change, and reinforcing the racial segregation of Seattle’s neighborhoods. But, thanks to one detail in this year’s city budget, the city council is on the verge of taking one tiny step towards ending the apartment ban.

Council Member Teresa Mosqueda added a seemingly minor detail to this year’s budget that will require the city to study the effects of allowing small-scale apartments inside Seattle’s single-family zoning. This requirement, called a proviso, was included in the budget package that was unanimously passed by the Budget Committee on Tuesday and will likely be approved by the full council when they vote on the budget this coming Monday.

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A Seafood Cookbook for Dummies and Geniuses

The Slow-Roasted Salmon recipe turned out sublime: moist, tender, perfect.
The Slow-Roasted Salmon recipe turned out sublime: moist, tender, perfect. EXCERPTED FROM 'THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST SEAFOOD COOKBOOK.' PHOTOGRAPH COPYRIGHT 2019 BY CELESTE NOCHE. REPRODUCED BY PERMISSION OF THE COUNTRYMAN PRESS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Despite having lived in two coastal cities where seafood was fresh and bountiful, I never really learned how to cook it. General intimidation, a bigger shopping expense for (what seemed to me) an unpredictable outcome, laziness... it just felt easier to enjoy seafood at a restaurant. Leave it to the pros.

The Pacific Northwest Seafood Cookbook is made for folks like me, though experienced seafood makers will likely find much to bookmark for later feasting. It's written by Naomi Tomky, a well-regarded industry-experienced Seattle-based food writer whose thoughtful analysis on the local culinary scene and beyond has appeared everywhere from the New York Times to Food & Wine magazine to this very publication, and she brings an easygoing conversational tone to her cookbook debut.

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The Troubling Rise of the Man-Baby

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PHOTO BY CATHERINE BARNETT

Ben Lerner again walks the outer edges of prose form and perspective in his third novel, The Topeka School, a book "about family and art and memory and meaning, how it's made and unmade," to borrow a line from one of its many extraordinary passages.

The obsession humming under the well-wrought, perfectly paced, at times riveting scenes about family and art and memory, etc. is the troubling (to say the least) rise in power of the man-child, the Large Adult Son, and his penchant for violence and tyranny. The gender-based expectations that many of us (often unconsciously) patrol and enforce keep America and its leaders in a state of "adolescence without end," to borrow another extraordinary line from the book, and they course through all the boys and men in this book.

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