Cancel Your Fucking Holiday Plans

This Film Is Not Yet Rated Is Unstreamable

Lets get those prudes, ladies.
Let's get those prudes, ladies. This Film Is Not Yet Rated

Unstreamable is a weekly column that finds films and TV shows you can't watch on major streaming services in the United States.

THIS FILM IS NOT YET RATED
USA, 2006, 98 min, Dir. Kirby Dick
Thats hot.
"That's hot." This Film Is Not Yet Rated

Kirby Dick's documentary on the nonsensically prudish Motion Picture Association of America's (MPAA's) film rating system was one of Netflix's big hits during the platform's early days. The fun doc follows Dick as he and an excellent lesbian detective fall down the MPAA's rabbit hole, attempting to doxx the people behind the system. That's really what the doc amounts to—a doxxing. In the end, Dick gives viewers a bunch of MPAA reviewers' names, a thing that felt punk when it came out but now would have Twitter contrarians fretting over its ethics.

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Slog PM: Russia Hacks, Biden Wins, Oregon Freezes, Washington Waits

And there you have it.
And there you have it. NY Times

Biden wins Georgia, Trump wins North Carolina: And that's all, folks! It looks like Biden will receive 306 electoral votes (which is what Trump received in 2016), and Trump will receive 232 (what Clinton got in 2016). Trump did not flip any states that Clinton won in 2016. Meanwhile, Biden flipped five states that Trump won in 2016.

This headline made me eyeroll/groan/laugh: "Biden’s agenda may rest on centrist Republicans—and the return of a bygone Senate era." Maine Sen. Susan Collins went from scorned outcast to one of the country's most pivotal votes mighty quick.

Trump gave a speech in the Rose Garden today: Full of false information, like every Trump speech. He did predict that "as soon as April, the [coronavirus] vaccine will be available to the entire general population," which seems plausible (although, didn't he say this was going to be over last Easter?). He then whined that the government won't give a vaccine to New York state because of something about Andrew Cuomo.

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Sponsored

Women.Weed.WiFi Presents: Co$mically Charged Wellness Day on November 21!

A day of performances and workshops to provide affordable and culturally sensitive holistic healing for Seattle babes and beyond!

Sessions include:
• Two Herbal Cocktail Hours
• Blunt Rolling Tutorial
• Cooking Demo with Holistic Chef Sunny
• Performance by Rap Priestess Lizy Jeff
• Chat with The Godyssey on Radical Wellness
• Sound Bath/Ancestral Healing Meditation
• and closing with a Live DJ Set!

Get tickets here!


Canon Closes For the Winter and More Seattle Food News You Can Use This Week: November 13, 2020 Edition

You have until November 25 to pick up food and drinks from the James Beard-nominated whiskey and bitters emporium Canon, which is shutting down until spring or later.
You have until November 25 to pick up food and drinks from the James Beard-nominated "whiskey and bitters emporium" Canon, which is shutting down until spring or later. Canon

EverOut is The Stranger's new website devoted to things to do in Seattle and across the Pacific Northwest. It has all the same things you're used to seeing from Stranger EverOut and Stranger Things To Do, just in a new spot!

This week, the ice cream sensation Salt and Straw plans to expand to the Eastside, a new Parisian creperie prepares to open in Capitol Hill, and the popular Middle Eastern restaurant Aviv Hummus Bar plots a shawarma joint in South Lake Union. Plus, the beloved spots Canon, Volunteer Park Cafe, and Randy's Restaurant bid farewell. Read on for all that and more culinary updates. For additional inspiration, check out our food and drink guide.

NEW OPENINGS
Candor Coffee
This bright, airy coffee shop serving matcha lattes, Olympia Coffee espresso, Shen Zen tea, and baked goods had its grand opening in Renton on Wednesday, November 11. The shop also has a boutique with gifts and merchandise.
Renton

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The Pope Fears Robots Will Turn Against Their Makers

Thinking about a revolution...
Thinking about a revolution... mevans/gettyimages.com

Recently, Pope Francis asked the members of the largest denomination of the largest religion in the world to pray that robots will always do what they were made to do, which is to serve us, their makers, the tool-making ape.

What the Pope had in mind was more Marxian than science fictional. From his leftist point of view, robots are not a threat to humans as a whole, but rather to a class of humans, those who must sell their labor to make ends meet.

Since the 17th century, capitalists have used machines to reduce what is often the main drag of doing business, the wages of workers. In 1821, David Ricardo, the thinker who cleaned up much of Adam Smith's messy masterpiece, The Wealth of Nations, and made political economy (what we now call economics) respectable (or scientific-sounding) soberly wrote: "...I am convinced that the substitution of machinery for human labour is often very injurious to the interests of the class of labourers." Not much has changed in this way since then.

The Pope is right. What powers the progress in machine technology and learning is simply and prosaically class struggle. But popular culture almost never presents the fear of machines in this way.

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Sponsored

HUMP! Greatest Hits, Volume Two!

What time is it? It's time for another round of HUMP!'s Greatest Hits!

Find yourself thinking about HUMP! festivals from the past, remembering some of your favorites? Just watched your first HUMP! and wonder what past festivals look like? Great news! We’re bringing you another volume of our (and audience) favorite short, dirty movies from 2005-2018. Get ready for HUMP! Greatest Hits, Volume Two!

Get tickets here!


Oregon Will Enter Two-Week "Freeze" to Slow COVID-19 Spread

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GETTY IMAGES / D3SIGN

Due to the alarming uptick in COVID-19 cases, Oregon will return to some early pandemic restrictions next week.

Oregon Gov. Kate Brown announced that, starting on Wednesday, November 18, the entire state will enter a two-week "freeze," during which all restaurants and bars will be limited for take-out only, gyms will be shuttered, grocery stores and pharmacies will be capped at 75 percent capacity, and religious spaces will be restricted to 25 people indoors. Brown also urged all employers to allow their staff to work from home during this period, if possible.

"We’re about to face what might be the roughest days of the pandemic," said Brown at a Friday press conference.

On Thursday, Oregon saw a record-high number of new cases in a single day: 1,122. Friday's new cases come in at 1,076. In just the last week, 42 Oregonians died from COVID-19—a weekly record high. Oregon has seen a total of 54,900 COVID-19 cases and 753 deaths since the pandemic began.

The recent uptick coincides with a surge of cases across the US and world.

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Your Guide to a Socially Distanced Weekend in Seattle: Diwali Specials, WildLanterns, DIY Projects, and More

The Woodland Park Zoos new-and-improved (and socially distanced) holiday light display WildLanterns kicks off this weekend.
The Woodland Park Zoo's new-and-improved (and socially distanced) holiday light display WildLanterns kicks off this weekend. Woodland Park Zoo

EverOut is The Stranger's new website devoted to things to do in Seattle and across the Pacific Northwest. It has all the same things you're used to seeing from Stranger EverOut and Stranger Things To Do, just in a new spot!

With the coronavirus spreading at an accelerated rate, staying far away from other people is paramount right now. If SAD is getting to you and you're dreading a weekend of staying home, we've got your back with some ideas for ways to stay safe and entertained, which you can peruse alongside our guide to the best online events this week. Read on for details on everything from how to submit a film to HUMP! to how to make your own Thanksgiving party crackers to send to loved ones, and from Diwali food and drink specials (like gobi pakoras at Spice Waala) to the Woodland Park Zoo's WildLanterns. For even more options, look ahead to our guide to the best things to do all month long.

VISUAL ART
Short Run was canceled this year, but you can still support many of the local indie comix artists you’d find tabling at the annual festival—which usually takes place in early November—in other ways. Fantagraphics is a great resource for local risographs and zines and comix (our arts editor visited recently and spotted Elaine Lin prints, Cynthia Alfonso’s brilliantly saturated The One Who Weeps, and Joe Kessler’s beautiful and disturbing Windowpane, among other gems), and they happen to be hosting Blazers, an exhibition of work by women and non-binary artists selected for Short Run's indefinitely postponed Trailer Blaze Comics Residency, opening Saturday. Cold Cube, whose online shop is wide open, is another major player, but we’re also here for spending hours scrolling through local artists’ Instagrams and websites. We can’t list ‘em all, but definitely check out Sean Christensen, Travis Rommereim, Catherine Bresner, and Marie Bouassi. If there’s still a Short Run-shaped hole in your heart after that, go see local cartoonist and illustrator Robyn Jordan‘s reflections on her COVID-19 experience set up outside Fisher Pavilion, opening Saturday. 

Read on EverOut »


The Governors of Washington, Oregon, and California Strongly Urge You Not to Kill Your Family

The Governors of Washington, Oregon, and California strongly urge you not to kill your family.
Now the whole West Coast wants you to cancel your fucking Thanksgiving travel plans. GETTY IMAGES

In a press release Friday morning, Governor Inslee issued a travel advisory "recommending a 14-day quarantine for interstate and international travel" and "encouraging" Washingtonians "to stay home or in their region and avoid non-essential travel to other states or countries."

With this toothless recommendation, Inslee joins Governors Kate Brown of Oregon and Gavin Newsom of California in a west coast effort to calm the big-ass Covid wave that is already smashing into our shores.

Inslee said "COVID-19 cases have doubled in Washington over the past two weeks," and yesterday evening he echoed recommendations from the state's public health officials not to travel (locally or nationally) for Thanksgiving this year. Newsom noted "one million COVID-19 cases" in California "with no signs of the virus slowing down." Brown highlighted "hospitals across the West...stretched to capacity."

Indeed, in case this topic didn't come up at your Biden/Harris victory brunch party, ICU beds at referral hospitals in Utah basically reached capacity two weeks ago. Idaho is getting there, too—they're already turning away patients from Nevada. All of this, my colleague Mudede would like you to know, "was fucking predictable."

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How to Prepare a Winter Feast Like Monster Hunter's Grammeowster

Ah, fall, when our scarves come out of hiding, our iced tea turns to piping hot latte, and we devour warm cozy comfort foods prepared by a kitchen staffed entirely by cats. Wait, what?

I’ve recently become obsessed with the game Monster Hunter World, in which (as the name implies) you hunt monsters; but before going on your quests, you must first stop in at a canteen for power-up meals. The food, prepared by Felyne chefs, is rendered with starling and wholly unnecessary fidelity—gorgeous glistening meats, bubbling casseroles, steaming skewers of shrimp and lobster, and a paella large enough you could curl up and sleep in it.

I’ve been staring at this food for long enough that it’s started to invade my dreams, and for my latest Play Date video, I decided to attempt to recreate some of the hardiest of the meals in real life. I focused on the dinner prepared by the Grammeowster, a sweet elderly-looking cat who fixes up a beef stew, creamy soup, and cheesy casserole. Grabbing a few recipes from around the web, I did my best to translate ingredients to what’s seasonably available (and reduce the amounts so I wasn’t left with an entire hunting party’s amount of food).

As it turns out, my enthusiasm for comfort food wasn’t quite enough to match the Grammeowster’s expertise.

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This Weekend, Stay In and Get Sexy with "HUMP! Greatest Hits, Volume 2!"

1080x1080_HUMP_GH2.jpg

As you know, HUMP! is America's sweetest li'l dirty movie festival, featuring five-minute amateur porn flicks submitted by horny enthusiasts from all over the Pacific Northwest (and the world)! And after 15 YEARS (!!) of HUMP!, you better believe we have a huge backlog of great, sexy short films... and wouldn't you like to revisit some? YES, YOU WOULD!

This Saturday (Nov 14) and through Saturday, November 28, we're streaming a brand new volume of our festival, called "HUMP! Greatest Hits, Volume 2." This volume contains even more audience favorites—some you may remember, some you've never seen before—that are hot 'n' sexy, creative 'n' kinky, and heartfelt 'n' hilarious. As always, HUMP! features a cornucopia of body types, shapes, ages, colors, sexualities, genders, kinks, and fetishes—all united by a shared spirit of sex-positivity. It's a celebration of creative sexual expression, and a terrific (and hot!) way to be reminded that our humanity lies in our differences.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Put some excitement into your month by streaming "HUMP! Greatest Hits, Volume 2" in the comfort of your own home (or bedroom). GET YOUR TICKETS NOW AND HERE!

Want a sexy taste of what you'll see? Watch the trailer for "HUMP! Greatest Hits, Volume 2"!


ICYMI: Inslee Says He's Not Leaving Washington for the Other Washington

He says hes comfortable sitting right here.
He says he's comfortable sitting right here. Lester Black

There's been a lot of talk in the media this week about whether or not Washington's Gov. Jay Inslee will swap his comfortably large seat in Olympia for a spot in the Biden Cabinet. A New York Times report listed Inslee as a Top Contender for United States Secretary of Energy. That department attempts to reduce the threat of nuclear proliferation and carries out nuclear clean-up (we're looking at you, Hanford), among other things.

The New York Times report suggested that Inslee is also under consideration for United States Secretary of the Interior or head of the Environmental Protection Agency. And there's another option people are buzzing about: Inslee becoming the White House climate czar, a new position the Biden administration may create to coordinate climate change policy. It appears he'd need to beat out former Secretary of State John Kerry and President Bill Clinton’s White House chief of staff John Podesta for that role.

But what's Inslee saying?

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Slog AM: China Congratulates Biden, Downtown Businesses Removing Plywood, Guess Who America's Horse-Fucking City Voted For?

Deboarding downtowns Nordstrom...
De-boarding downtown's Nordstrom... Charles Mudede

Some Downtown Businesses Think We Are Out of the Woods Now: And so are removing plywood from their shop windows. KIRO reports that "worries about destructive protests led property owners to protect storefronts." Much of this worrying, however, has been calmed by Joe Biden's convincing victory. It seems there will be some peace during the money-making season. Shoppers, instead of protestors, will hit the streets.

Well, as the saying goes, it ain't until it's over. And this presidential election appears to be far from over. Trump has not conceded, and the dramatic purges at the Pentagon and also Homeland Security indicate that Trump is planning to use the military and other government agencies to repress the protests that will likely erupt if he steals the election in the only way it can, at this point, be stolen: in broad daylight. If I were lucky enough to own property downtown, I would hold on to that wood until Biden is for sure in the White House.

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NewsSlog AM/PM2020

Slog PM: 2020 Election "Most Secure in American History," the Pope Congratulates Biden

We need your help. The economic fallout of the coronavirus crisis is threatening our ability to keep producing the stories you've come to love. If you’re able, please consider making a monthly contribution to The Stranger.

Hey, hey, Joe! How ya doin, kid? Hows the family?
"Hey, hey, Joe! How ya doin', kid? How's the family?" Lauren DeCicca/Getty

Unemployment claims hit 709,000 last week: A drop from the week previous and under the expected forecast. Continuing claims also fell 436,000 to 6.79 million. Again, I should note that while this number is a pandemic era low, last week's first-time unemployment number is still above the pre-pandemic record of 695,000 claims in 1982.

The Pope and President-elect Joe Biden spoke on the phone: The Pope congratulated Biden on his win this morning, becoming another world leader to acknowledge the President-elect as Trump refuses to concede. Once sworn in, Biden will become the second Roman Catholic president after John F. Kennedy. Do you think Trump is going to @ His Holiness on Twitter? Honestly, though, do you?

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It's Time to Hibernate

Skip all public gatherings and high-brr-nate with us this winter.
We order you to skip all holiday gatherings and hibernate with us this winter. Anthony Keo

Just look around. Coronavirus is everywhere. The safest, most patriotic thing we can do right now is to hunker down and stay inside. It's tough, but we can do it.

Weekend nights looked a lot different before our lives consisted of nose swabs and temperature checks. We're not doing much of anything these days. So, why don't we plan a cute virtual date together? Let's say, every Friday at 4:20?

The cover of this years .
The cover of this year's High-Brr-Nation issue. AARON BAGLEY

This winter, we invite you to take a break, get high, and hibernate with The Stranger every Friday at exactly 4:20 PM, with our new limited edition High-Brr-Nation weed newsletter that kicks off Friday, November 27. It's inspired by our popular yearly High-Brr-Nation issue, which we can't put out right now because of COVID-19, but we won't let that get us down!

Every newsletter will begin with a different Stranger writer walking you through a stoner activity or clickhole. Think adventures through YouTube karaoke, essays on TikTok's "horsegirls," or a treatise on looking at stones while being stoned. Consider it a weekly check-in where we can get high and go on a mini journey together. Each newsletter will include a round-up of that week's biggest weed-related news, plus rotating games, PRIZES, giveaways, and general mischief.

Sign up RIGHT HERE, and survive this winter by getting high with a little help from your friends. (That's us. We're your friends.)


The Best Movies to Watch in Seattle This Weekend

If you missed it at this years Seattle Queer Film Festival, head to SIFFs virtual screening room to watch Henry Golding and Parker Sawyers fall in love in Monsoon.
If you missed it at this year's Seattle Queer Film Festival, head to SIFF's virtual screening room to watch Henry Golding and Parker Sawyers fall in love in Monsoon. SIFF

EverOut is The Stranger's new website devoted to things to do in Seattle and across the Pacific Northwest. It has all the same things you're used to seeing from Stranger EverOut and Stranger Things To Do, just in a new spot!
It's gonna rain this weekend, and you're gonna want to cozy up and watch movies at some point. We just know it. To save you from decision paralysis, make use of our guide to the best things to stream online, from the Romanian Film Festival to the Seattle Queer Film Festival favorite Monsoon to the concert mosaic Newcomer: A Seattle Hip-Hop Mixtape. We've also included some in-person options at theaters operating at 25% capacity, but with COVID cases on a serious incline, please be extra cautious (wear a mask, keep your distance from others, stay home if you're feeling sick) if you do go that route. For more options, check out our guide to drive-in movie theaters in the Seattle area this week, or our calendar of on-demand movies streaming through local theaters, and our fall guide to online film festivals. Plus, if you haven't heard, The Stranger's amateur porn film festival HUMP! is accepting submissions! You have until January 8 to send in your under-five-minute work of smutty cinematic art. 

Streaming: Local Connection
Action U.S.A.
If you've seen one too many slice-of-life dramedies lately and are just itching to be overwhelmed by 89 minutes of action-packed shenanigans filmed in 1980s Texas, John Stewart (not to be confused with TV host Jon Stewart) has your ticket with this cinematic calamity.
Grand Illusion
Opening Friday

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How to Look at Maggi Hambling's "A Sculpture for Mary Wollstonecraft"

The very first memorial for feminist pioneer Mary Wollstonecraft in London is causing a ruckus. For good reason.

Commissioned by the ten-year-long Mary on the Green campaign to the sweet tune of £143,300, British artist Maggi Hambling's statue does not depict Wollstonecraft herself; instead, a hot, svelte lady emerging from an organic-looking wave of silvered bronze. The words "For Mary Wollstonecraft 1759-1797" are carved into the granite base as well as a famous Wollstonecraft quote: "I do not wish women to have power over men, but over themselves."

In a statement to New York, Mary on the Green breathlessly calls this figure an “Everywoman, her own person, ready to confront the world…a combination of female forms which commingle and rise together as if one.”

Many people are calling bullshit on that statement and idea, pointing out most historical memorials to men do not depict nudity at all.

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