Can banana cannabis save you from another depressing winter?

Pee-wee Herman Is Gen X's SpongeBob SquarePants

Who would top?
Who would top? Getty Images / Nickelodeon
Unstreamable is a weekly column that recommends films and TV shows you can't find on major streaming services in the United States. This week: Pee-wee gets naughty in The Pee-wee Herman Show; Seattle is hot and unrecognizable in Scorchy; Cleopatra is almost X-rated in Cleopatra, Queen of Sex; and a housewife is allergic to her life in Safe. Read our other recommendations here.

THE PEE-WEE HERMAN SHOW
USA, 1981, 58 min, Dir. Paul Reubens, Marty Callner
Twink.
Twink. Chase Burns

Help me out. If you love Pee-wee Herman, which generation do you belong to? According to polling conducted at the Stranger World Headquarter's watercooler, people who have strong and deep connections to the nearly 40-year-old character, played by Paul Reubens, are Gen Xers (~40 to 54). As someone on the younger end of millennials (~23 to 39; I'm 27), I've never thought much about Mr. Herman. But I've decided to break my Pee-wee aversion and start at the very beginning of his adventure.

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Slog PM: I Fell in Love with Singing Rice Cookers, Coronavirus Gets Much Worse, What Color Is Period Blood?

In Cuckoo, rice cookers come to life to talk about the 1997 Asian financial crisis. It makes its American premiere at On the Boards this weekend.
In Cuckoo, rice cookers come to life to talk about the 1997 Asian financial crisis. It makes its American premiere at On the Boards this weekend. Cuckoo

Where are the ugliest McMansions in Seattle? We want to know. So does this Reddit subreddit.
My candidate for the ugliest new McMansion in Seattle ... let’s have a contest! from r/SeattleWA

EARTHQUAKE: 4.5, off the coast of the Olympic Peninsula. No tsunami is expected.

It's Democrats last big day in the impeachment trial: They continue to try and persuade Republicans to pursue additional witnesses and documents, writes the New York Times. Jerry Nadler called Trump a dictator.

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Sponsored

Frank Olivier’s show, My Twisted Valentine, may be the perfect show for the month of Valentine’s.

Valentine’s Day can be stressful. Expectations are high (or low if your partner sucks at romance). Twisted Cabaret’s show, My Twisted Valentine, is our best recommendation for a low stress, totally fun date night that is perfect for your first tinder swipe or your one true love.

The show plays weekends at Hale’s Palladium. Don’t miss out!

Tickets and more info HERE


Dance Nation Is a Hilarious and Disturbing Look Into the World of Competitive Dance

Ahoy, perils of unbridled competition combined with crippling self doubt!
Ahoy, perils of unbridled competition combined with crippling self doubt! Jeff Carpenter

If you're only here for the news, then I'll just get right to it. WET's production of Dance Nation rules. The play runs through Feb 3 at 12th Ave Arts, and it will appeal to anyone who's ever dedicated themselves to a marginal art, anyone whose life has been shaped by contradictory standards, and anyone who enjoys the random, gut-splitting humor of delirious, pre-show locker room chatter.

The Pulitzer-nominated play, written by Wenatchee playwright Clare Barron, has a simple plot. A preteen dance troupe is gunning for the national title under the guidance of their frazzled coach, Dance Teacher Pat. When it comes time to pick the dancer who will lead the troupe to glory, the friendship between the star dancer, Amina, and the second-best dancer, Zuzu, begins to unravel in a tragic but completely inevitable way as the other dancers begin to reassess the role dance plays in their lives.

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The 34 Biggest Seattle Races & Running Events in 2020 to Sign Up for Now, from 5Ks to Marathons

The Color Run 5K will return to Seattle Center this spring to leave you looking like a human tie-dye.
The Color Run 5K will return to Seattle Center this spring to leave you looking like a human tie-dye. Color Run

Getting more exercise is the oldest New Year's resolution in the book. (There's no way to fact-check that, but it feels true.) If you've set a goal to get outside and limber up your joints in 2020, there are tons of running events in every distance imaginable—from full marathons to half-mile fun runs—happening almost every weekend throughout the year. To save you from sorting through the masses, we've rounded up the biggest and most unique ones to know about, from the Susan G. Komen More Than Pink Puget Sound Walk (FKA Race for the Cure) to the Seattle Marathon to Beat the Blerch. See them all below, and find even more options on our complete running calendar.

JANUARY 26-SEPTEMBER 21

Run or Wine
This untimed series aims to help you improve your personal 5K goals at your own pace. To add to the lackadaisical nature of the events, each run promises wine (or cider or beer) tastings at the finish line so you can replenish your body old-world style.
Various locations (Woodinville)

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Currently Hanging: Playa Made: The Jewelry of Burning Man at Bellevue Arts Museum

Beam me up boys!
Beam me up boys! Jasmyne Keimig
The Bellevue Arts Museum loves Burners, apparently. Playa Made: The Jewelry of Burning Man, which opened officially today, displays over 200 pieces of jewelry made at the nine day long festival in Black Rock City, Nevada. Featuring jewelry from 60 artists (amateur and professional alike) and the photography of George Post, the pieces come from the collection of Christine Kristen a.k.a. Lady Bee (you can see her name in the picture above), the Burning Man's archivist, art collection manager, and photo gallery editor.

The exhibition is modeled to emphasize some of the ten principles of the festival: radical inclusion, radical self-reliance, radical self-expression, communal effort, civic responsibility, gifting, decommodification, participation, immediacy, and leave no trace. Like, for example, all of the jewelry in the show was given to Ladybee, not sold or bought.

It's hard for me not to roll my eyes at some of the language and principles espoused by people who attend the festival and this exhibition—especially since it's become less hippie and more techie—but I do like the crust-punkness of some of the pieces. They look as if they are artifacts from another planet, rife with weird imagery (and energy). And while I think the exhibition would really resonate with people who have made the trek out to Nevada during Labor Day weekend, there are some interesting pieces within the show that I think are worth looking at:

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Why Mainstream Seattle Is Not Mentioning Race in the 3rd and Pine Mass Shooting

Troubled corner
Troubled corner Karen Ducey / Getty Images News

The deadly mass shooting that occurred on 3rd and Pine on Wednesday has generated an outrage in Seattle's mainstream press that's completely predictable. Seattle Times, for example, has on its main page a story about how downtown businesses are frustrated with "a problem that predates Wednesday’s shooting and that is making it harder and costlier to keep doing business downtown." Another story is about how the city has tried and failed to curb crime in that downtown area, which now has an Amazon office. And the paper's editorial board demands that Seattle's City Hall wake up from it's naive progressive dreams and get real about enforcing the law.

From the Seattle Times:

The incident was the act of criminals with a brazen disregard for bystanders. But Seattle’s political establishment shares some responsibility for allowing criminal activity along Third Avenue to fester and become a magnet for troublemakers. The establishment enables a justice system that allows criminals to repeatedly harm others with little consequence. City Hall hasn’t adequately prioritized the safety of people downtown and in other areas with serious, drug-related crime problems.

The only striking about these predictable stories is the absence of race. Let's look into this.

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A New Brewery in Ballard and More Seattle Food News You Can Use: January 24, 2020 Edition

Ballards new Fair Isle Brewing specializes in farmhouse-style beers.
Ballard's new Fair Isle Brewing specializes in farmhouse-style beers. Noah Forbes

This week, the farmhouse-style brewery Fair Isle Brewing has opened its doors in Ballard after three years of anticipation. Plus, the Red Door and Valentinetti's say goodbye, Volunteer Park Cafe is for sale, and Ethan Stowell begins work on a new project in the Via6 building. You'll find all that below, plus upcoming foodie events you should know about, like the All Star Truffle Dinner. For more ideas, check out our list of hygge bars, cafes, bakeries, and restaurants to try, our list of food and drink specials to try for Lunar New Year, our list of Robert Burns night events, our list of places to try mocktails for Dry January, our list of food and drink specials to try in January, and our full food and drink calendar.

OPENINGS
Fair Isle Brewing
Originally announced in 2016 and beset by several delays, this much-anticipated brewery focused on experimental farmhouse-style beers like saisons and sours finally opened its first taproom on Thursday, January 23, in Ballard's brewery district. While there's no food available, guests are welcome to bring in their own. The space also plans to host pop-ups, including tasting menus from Herbfarm chef Chris Weber and sous chef Jack Gingrich and a pop-up with $4 burgers from another chef friend.
Ballard

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Seattle School Board Takes Steps to Dismantle Gifted Program

A battle over Seattles gifted program has been ongoing for months.
Parents of gifted students are pissed. monkeybusinessimages/Getty Images

Despite arguments and pleas from parents—as well as complaints to the attorney general’s office and intervention by the state lawmakers—this week the Seattle School Board voted to approve a proposed partnership between the non-profit Technology Access Foundation (TAF) and Washington Middle School. This is a key step in dismantling the city’s academically gifted program in its current state, which the district has been pursuing in an effort to end racial disparities in the student population the program serves.

The proposed partnership with TAF has caused months of debate between Seattle parents, students, teachers, and the district administration. Washington Middle School teachers voted not to endorse the partnership last year, but school board members and Superintendent Denise Juneau continued to push it. It will cost the district $1.1 million over the first three years and give TAF the power to hire teachers as well as design curriculum.

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Last-Minute Plans: 92 Free, Cheap & Easy Things To Do in Seattle This Weekend: January 24-26, 2020

Local rockers Wolf Parade will play a free in-store performance at Sonic Boom Records on Sunday. Their dogs will stay home, sadly.
Local rockers Wolf Parade will play a free in-store performance at Sonic Boom Records on Sunday. Their dogs will stay home, sadly.

Panicking because you don’t know what to do this weekend and you're short on cash? Don't worry—below, find all of your options for last-minute entertainment that won't cost more than $10, ranging from Rat Fancy: A Lunar New Year Party to the launch of Natasha Marin's new anthology Black Imagination, and from the Great Seattle Seed Swap to an Art Martyrs Showcase. For even more options, check out our complete EverOut Things To Do calendar and our list of cheap & easy things to do in Seattle all year long.

FRIDAY

FOOD & DRINK
1. Locust Cider Ballard 2 Year Anniversary Party
The Woodinville-bred Locust Cider's Ballard taproom will celebrate two years of life with $5 flatbread pizzas, raffles, and prizes.
(Ballard, no cover)

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Are People Living in RVs Killing Orcas with Their Poop Water????

Republicans want to fine people who live in RVs for parking in public places.
Republicans think people who live in RVs pose a big environmental threat. The truth is nobody really knows. They just want to keep demonizing the homeless. ADAMKAZ / GETTYIMAGES.COM

On Monday the Environment and Energy committee considered a proposal to address the potential environmental damage caused by people who live in their own vehicles. I do not know which overpaid think tank freakazoid wrote this nonsense and handed it to Republican Rep. Morgan Irwin, who is sponsoring the bill, but that person needs to be escorted out of the room.

I do, however, know why two Democrats—environment and energy committee chair Rep. Joe Fitzgibbon and Rep. Mari Leavitt—signed on as cosponsors, but we'll get to their reasoning in a bit.

First, let's look at the nonsense.

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10 Food and Drink Specials to Try in Seattle for the 2020 Lunar New Year

Central District doughnut shop Raised Doughnuts is offering gorgeously glazed red and gold doughnuts for Lunar New Year.
Central District doughnut shop Raised Doughnuts is offering gorgeously glazed red and gold doughnuts for Lunar New Year. Raised Doughnuts via Instagram

This Saturday, January 25, marks the beginning of the Lunar New Year and the Year of the Rat. If you'd like to celebrate in the tastiest way possible, we've compiled this list of themed food and drink specials, from adorable mouse macarons at Fuji Bakery to malasadas with White Rabbit candy filling at Super Six. For more ideas, check out our list of the top Lunar New Year events in Seattle, our list of Seattle food and drink specials to try in January, and our full food and drink calendar.

Ba Bar and Monsoon
Seattle's stylish Vietnamese mini-chain Ba Bar and its sibling restaurant Monsoon will celebrate with bánh tét, a traditional rolled sticky rice cake filled with cha lua (Vietnamese ham) or mung beans. It will be available at Ba Bar locations on Saturday and all week long at Monsoon. If you want to end your meal with something sweet, Monsoon will also have banh troi nuoc (glutinous rice dumplings in a sweet ginger syrup, also known as "happiness dumplings").
Various locations

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Inbox Jukebox Track of the Day: The Sextravagant Funk of "Existential Deepthroat" by Erik Blood and Rachael Ferguson's New Pink Lotion Project

XXX-cellent new band alert.
XXX-cellent new band alert. Courtesy of Pink Lotion

Pink Lotion, "Existential Deepthroat" (self-released)

Let's not beat around the bush: Pink Lotion's debut release, LUSTERS, is an orgy of late-night, boudoir-bound funk. Imagine a languorous four-way among Prince, Parliament, Brides of Funkenstein, and Patrice Rushen, and you have an idea of how these six tracks Astroglide® through your sensorium. Track titles such as "Sex on Mars," "Slick Inside," and "Moisturebate" telegraph the intentions of Erik Blood (Shabazz Palaces, Knife Knights) and Rachael Ferguson (NightraiN, Clutch Douglas): they want to help you get laid. You'd be churlish to refuse such a magnanimous offering.

"Existential Deepthroat" boasts a great title and brazen, Bernie Worrell-esque synth squelches, as Ferguson waxes erotic in silky tones, her words mirrored by Blood in an FX'd, risqué simulacrum of Prince. A bulbous bass line further coaxes you into the horizontal bop. Ferguson unspools some memorable phrases ("gender-fluid Santa," "prophylactic duckbill," "hypnotic side chick," "copulation freefall") like a female Kool Keith, as the drum-machine beats keep time to your methodical thrusts. Feeling deep Patrick Cowley vibes here. Check out "Existential Deepthroat" below.

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A Pair of Updates, Wannabe Adulteress, Evergreen Advice, and Topping Tips — Reader Advice Roundup!

SAVAGE-Letter-of-the-Day-STAMP-2020.jpg
This week's Savage Love Letters of the Day: A woman knows for a fact that she can't be monogamous but she married a man—and is planning to have kids with a man—who insists on strict monogamy; a woman's boyfriend wanted to watch her have sex with another man and she was game but it really didn't go well; a gay bottom aging into "daddy" status wants to know i there's there anything can do to make topping more enjoyable now that boys want him to top them? And, of course, this week's Savage Love and this week's Savage Lovecast.

A woman who who shouldn't have cheated">cheated on her husband with a co-worker and continued to cheat on her husband with that same coworker after she'd told her husband the affair was over—and whose coworker/affair partner was threatening to out her to her husband—sends in a lengthy update...

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A Literary Oasis for Black People Fed Up with the White Gaze

Natasha Marin got death threats after starting the Facebook group Reparations.
Natasha Marin got death threats after starting the Facebook group Reparations. ERIKA SCHULTZ

In the summer of 2016, Seattle-based conceptual artist Natasha Marin started a Facebook group called Reparations.

The idea was simple: People of color would ask for something they wanted, and white people would volunteer to provide that thing. White people could also offer random goods or services, and if a person of color wanted to accept that thing, that person would call dibs. The Facebook group quickly bloomed into a website, the idea went viral, and Marin engaged 250,000 people in the process.

Creating this network improved the lives of people of color in measurable ways. It also stirred up a big old troll's nest. As the site drew more attention, Marin started receiving more racist e-mails and death threats than she could count. Dealing with the racist fallout of her anti-racist project stressed Marin out. But instead of abandoning her communal art practices in the face of this white rage, she created a series of art exhibitions to rejuvenate her spirit and radiate what she calls black joy.

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In Little Joe, a Flower Brings Human Happiness

Among the happiness flowers: Emily Beecham as scientist Alice Woodard.
Among the happiness flowers: Emily Beecham as scientist Alice Woodard. PHOTO COURTESY OF MAGNOLIA PICTURES

Little Joe is a science-fiction film that is not set in the future. It is set in a time that looks very much like the year we have just left, 2019, and the year we are now experiencing, 2020. The technologies and science in the film are all realistic, all believable. Its scientists are developing a flower that makes humans feel happier.

To make this possible, a virus is used as a vector (transporter) of genetic materials that manipulate the genetic structure of a specific target, a flowering plant. The more a human cares for this plant, the happier the plant makes its caretaker by way of a scent that connects the flower to the mammalian nose. If the scientists succeed, this flower will be sold in the marketplace and make the investors behind the research fantastically rich.

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