I'm a gay guy in an almost eight year relationship. One morning, after what I knew was a party night for my boyfriend, I found the door to the kitchen blocked. I pushed it open found my boyfriend sitting with his back against the door taking close up pictures of a friend's cock. My boyfriend is a professional photographer and told me it wasn't what it seemed like—it was just him exploring nudes. We talked about it right when it happened and he apologized. Three week later I asked whether more was going on between them as things seemed a bit off between us. He said no. But during our talk it came up that he has been having short sexual encounters during his solo travels over the years. Also, relatively early in our relationship, he told me about making out with a guy while on at trip and I found out he went to a gay sauna with friends.

In his defense he reminded me that on more than one occasion over the last eight years I had said something like, “If a sexual encounter happens with someone else, I don’t want to know.” And more recently (before the night I found him in the kitchen) we were playing a dirty Q&A card game with friends and I got a question about how I defined "open relationship." I again replied that I wouldn’t want to know the details about who, when, where, etc.