28 years old, female, 59, 263 lbs. Credit: Kelly O
28 years old, female, 59, 263 lbs.
  • Kelly O
  • 28 years old, female, 5’9″, 263 lbs.

This is my body (over there—see it?). I have lived in this body my whole life. I have wanted to change this body my whole life. I have never wanted anything as much as I have wanted a new body. I am aware every day that other people find my body disgusting. I always thought that some day—when I finally stop failing—I will become smaller, and when I become smaller literally everything will get better (I’ve heard It Gets Better)! My life can begin! I will get the clothes that I want, the job that I want, the love that I want. It will be great! Think how great it will be to buy some pants or whatever at J. Crew. Oh, man. Pants. Instead, my body stays the same.

There is not a fat person on earth who hasn’t lived this way. Clearly this is a TERRIBLE WAY TO EXIST. Also, strangely enough, it did not cause me to become thin. So I do not believe any of it anymore, because fuck it very much.

This is my body. It is MINE. I am not ashamed of it in any way. In fact, I love everything about it. Men find it attractive. Clothes look awesome on it. My brain rides around in it all day and comes up with funny jokes. Also, I don’t have to justify its awesomeness/attractiveness/healthiness/usefulness to anyone, because it is MINE. Not yours.

I’m not going to spend a bunch of time blogging about fat acceptance here (but please read this), because other writers have already done it much more eloquently, thoroughly, and radically than I ever could. But I do feel obligated to try to explain what this all means.

You asked me for links, Dan, so here are some links for you. There are plenty more, but if you want me to go through each one and explain to you how these words and implications hurt and shame people, you’re going to have to pay me overtime (in Doritos!!!!!). I get that you think you’re actually helping people and society by contributing to the fucking Alp of shame that crushes every fat person every day of their lives—the same shame that makes it a radical act for me to post a picture of my body and tell you how much it weighs. But you’re not helping. Shame doesn’t work. Diets don’t work. Shame is a tool of oppression, not change.

Fat people already are ashamed. It’s taken care of. No further manpower needed on the shame front, thx. I am not concerned with whether or not fat people can change their bodies through self-discipline and “choices.” Pretty much all of them have tried already. A couple of them have succeeded. Whatever. My question is, what if they try and try and try and still fail? What if they are still fat? What if they are fat forever? What do you do with them then? Do you really want millions of teenage girls to feel like they’re trapped in unsightly lard prisons that are ruining their lives, and on top of that it’s because of their own moral failure, and on top of that they are ruining America with the terribly expensive diabetes that they don’t even have yet? You know what’s shameful? A complete lack of empathy.

And if you really claim to still be confused—”Nu uh! I never said anything u guyz srsly!”—there can be no misunderstanding shit like this:

I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact—being heavy is a health risk; rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly—characterized as “hate speech.”

Ha!

1. “Rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly” is in no way a “tame statement of fact.” It is not a fact at all—it is an incredibly cruel, subjective opinion that reinforces destructive, paternalistic, oppressive beauty ideals. I am not unsightly. No one deserves to be told that they’re unsightly. But this is what’s behind this entire thing—it’s not about “health,” it’s about “eeeewwwww.” You think fat people are icky. Eeeewww, a fat person might touch you on a plane. With their fat! Eeeeewww! Coincidentally, that’s the same feeling that drives anti-gay bigots, no matter what excuses they drum up about “family values” and, yes, “health.” It’s all “eeeewwwww.” And sorry, I reject your eeeeeewwww.

2. You are not concerned about my health. Because if you were concerned about my health, you would also be concerned about my mental health, which has spent the past 28 years being slowly eroded by statements like the above. Also, you don’t know anything about my health. You do happen to be the boss of me, but you are not the doctor of me. You have no idea what I eat, how much I exercise, what my blood pressure is, or whether or not I’m going to get diabetes. Not that any of that matters, because it is entirely none of your business.

3. “But but but my insurance premiums!!!” Bullshit. You live in a society with other people. I don’t have kids, but I pay taxes that fund schools. The idea that we can somehow escape affecting each other is deeply conservative. Barbarous, even. Is that really what you’re going for? Good old-fashioned American individualism? Please.

4. But most importantly: I reject this entire framework. I don’t give a shit what causes anyone’s fatness. It’s irrelevant and it’s none of my business. I am not making excuses, because I have nothing to excuse. I reject the notion that thinness is the goal, that thin = better—that I am an unfinished thing and that my life can really start when I lose weight. That then I will be a real person and have finally succeeded as a woman. I am not going to waste another second of my life thinking about this. I don’t want to have another fucking conversation with another fucking woman about what she’s eating or not eating or regrets eating or pretends to not regret eating to mask the regret. OOPS I JUST YAWNED TO DEATH.

If you really want change to happen, if you really want to “help” fat people, you need to understand that shaming an already-shamed population is, well, shameful. Do you know what happened as soon as I rejected all this shit and fell in unconditional luuuuurve with my entire body? I started losing weight. Immediately. WELL LA DEE FUCKING DA.

Eds. note: Dan Savage’s response is over here.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

1,400 replies on “Hello, I Am Fat”

  1. @1241: My comments were simply meant to make you think, not to draw you into an argument. Apologies for making you feel hounded–it’s my nature to reply to someone who continues to address me specifically.

    I’m sorry to hear about your biopsy results. My mother didn’t survive hers, so hopefully you’ll accept my best wishes.

  2. I was 245 lbs I’m now under 230 eating 5000 calories a day.

    http://www.geekbeast.com

    While there is a range of potential heaviness found natural in humans it is doubtful that you weigh more than a 6 ft tall powerlifter that squats 500 lbs, because you just go unlucky in your genes (really doubtful).

    Personally, I don’t care about fat vs. thin. I’m not going to think fat is attractive no matter how much you say it is so, but until it affects me keep on keeping on. The problem is that obesity is associated with a whole host of other metabolic disorders that eventually everyone else ends up subsidizing in cost (how many type II diabetics on medicare?).

  5. A small piece of possibly helpful information for those who are overweight but have had no success shedding the pounds despite tremendous amounts of effort:

    As most already know, being overweight puts people at risk for sleep apnea. What fewer people know is that sleep apnea makes it much, much more difficult to lose weight. It may be worth getting a sleep study if you are one of these people, especially if you awaken at night a bunch, or if your sleeping partner says you snore, or if you wake up feeling headachey and poorly rested, etc.

    In sum, sleep apnea is a beast and makes life totally miserable and also causes a litany of health problems, including weight gain / retention, so it may be worth considering a sleep study if you think you might have symptoms of it.

  6. Lindy,

    I agree with the overall point of your post. I think that people in general confuse being “healthy” and being “thin”. One does not equal the other necessarily. A crack addict might be skinny but I would argue they are not in fact objectively healthy. I know a guy who appears visually to be overweight but he eats a solid diet and runs regularly…I am sure I would be winded trying to keep up with him. If you looked at me, you would most likely characterize me as “thin”. But I have cellulite on my thighs and a belly roll from being pregnant. So even though I am thin, I have “unsightly fat rolls”. Where do I fall on the judgement spectrum?

    I think it’s a positive thing to do things that keep our bodies (and minds!) healthy. My problem with alot of what is said here in the comments and in the related post is that it’s hard to argue any real point when everyone is talking about something different.

    Finding someone subjectively attractive/unattractive has nothing to do with health or insurance costs or whatever. I think you do a nice job of addressing that.

    Hopefully, reading this makes at least a few people a little more aware and a little less inclined to judge.

    -Jane in Pa

  7. Wow, holy trip to crazytown. Lindy decided to take Dan on, and the best she could come up with was a snarky comment about an unfortunate fashion trend? OMG gay man makes snarky comment about fashion!! Dog bites man!! Sky is tinted an alarming blue color!! And your deployment of that quote was, of course, utterly dishonest. That makes you a liar, sweetums. Why in hell are so many people praising you for this piss-poor behavior? If you want to take Dan on, you will have to do SO MUCH BETTER than this. A first step? Try rejoining the reality-based community, in which we look at what Dan has actually said instead of just imagining him making a squicky face as he types. Just because you have some sort of secret conviction that underneath Dan’s totally-not-phobic and reality-based comments, Dan is secretly motivated by hatred of the unsightly fatties!!, doesn’t make it so.

  9. I love everything about this post except for the Dan bashing. I had a similar “i’m fat and I love my self anyway” moment of rage about two months ago and man it felt good. But when I was done with it, I picked myself up, went to the gym and stopped drinking so damn much liquor. I’m slowly starting to lose weight, which I have to admit I’m pretty happy about!
    It’s true that fat people do not need shaming (you hear that dad?), and I have to say that as an avid listener and reader of Dan for the past five years, I have never gotten the impression that he is shaming fat people.
    So keep on Lindy, I just discovered your blog and I believe I will visit it regularly, but please take it easy on Dan, he doesn’t have as thick a skin as you and I, you know, cause he is obsessed with being so damn thin.

  10. The thing is… I’ve been overweight my entire life. It’s been Dan’s columns that helped me realized that there is a huge market of guys who want to sleep with overweight guys like me. And I let them.

  11. … And you’re raising your voice to say that it should be more socially acceptable to be fat. Why do we want a society in which more people are fat? Think about the waste of food and the waste of dollars spend on healthcare. The way you got this way is NOT good for you. You are a valued, worthwhile person just like anyone else, and each person in the world has problems in one way or another. But don’t try to pretend that it’s okay to be fat.

  12. … And you’re raising your voice to say that it should be more socially acceptable to be fat. Why do we want a society in which more people are fat? Think about the waste of food and the waste of dollars spend on health care. The way you got this way is NOT good for you. You are a valued, worthwhile person just like anyone else, and each person in the world has problems in one way or another. But don’t pretend that everyone should admire you for being fat.

  13. Love, love, love, love, love. It’s about time. I read Dan’s response first, in fact, and whoo baby, that’s some defensive action going on. I then came here and read this — seriously, THIS is what he’s all worked up about?

    Thank you, Lindy, for absolutely making my day.

  15. Shame is a tool of oppression, not change? Please, get over your self-righteous self.

    Diets don’t work? False. Fad diets tend to not work, and if they do, the results generally aren’t sustainable. Limiting your caloric intake and eating “cleaner” does work, along with exercise of course. Laziness doesn’t work. Cheating on your diet doesn’t work. Changing your lifestyle does work. You may have to work harder or be more diligent to overcome your genetics, but progress can be made.

    If you’re okay with being fat that’s fine with me, unless your slow, out of breath, fat ass is blocking my way up the stairs, or onto the subway, or spilling over into my seat on an airplane. Then I’m not happy about it.

    @1190 that last part is for you too. Not a study, but that’s how obese people affect me on a daily basis.

  17. Lindy, I think it’s great that you feel good about your body and that you don’t want to be shamed. I, too, agree that shame is never a positive motivator for any sort of change or acceptance, and both of those things must come from within. I do take issue with the link you included to the “thin privilege checklist”. While I am well aware that, like any privilege, there are things that thin people take for granted everyday, I think this checklist unrightfully ignores the pressure even thin girls feel all of the time to achieve perfection in their bodies. “If I pick up a magazine or watch T.V. I will see bodies that look like mine that aren’t being lampooned, desexualized, or used to signify laziness, ignorance, or lack of self-control.” Nope. That’s part of the whole problem. The fact that the skinny models in magazines DON’T look like the average girl and are often weights/sizes that are unattainable is what drives many young girls to drastic measures. Bulimia and anorexia are also a big problem in this country, and much of that is due to obsessive focus on body image. The “thin privilege checklist” seems to think that if you are thin, you don’t think about your weight or worry about how others see your body. That is false. Many thin girls look in the mirror and see a fat person. I know that fat people are probably like “well, boo frikken hoo”, but that’s still a problem. It’s a problem that our society has created an attitude around body images that prevents a lot of people from feeling comfortable with the skin they’re given.

    So yes, I think we should lay off “fat” people. I also think we should lay off thin people. And medium-sized people, for that matter. Weight should not be about image, it should be about health, and that applies to everyone.

  18. Lindy,

    I read your post, then Dan’s, and then about 500 or so of the comments. Now it’s all the way down to about number 1275 so the chance of you and Dan seeing this is fairly slim, but I felt compelled to respond:

    Lindy, you go girl!

    Dan, you just don’t get it! Your response has even generated even more hateful comments directed at Lindy.

  20. Dan doesn’t get it.

    “Lardass” = “fucking faggot”.

    Equating fat with “disease” = equating gay with AIDS.

    Comparing fat with “choice” = comparing gay with “choice”.

    Dan Safvage is a fucking bigot.

  22. Just Jeff, some of your equivalences are just flat out *factually* wrong, and that’s the part that those beating up Dan and defending Lindy can’t get right. The bigots here may not be the ones that you think, apparently.

  23. Okay, you’ve come to the realization that you are OWNING your weight…but, I mean, just because you work for The Stranger doesn’t mean you are entitled to 1) explain that in some beat up fashion, and then 2) defend it into the ground, and THEN 3) be a bitch to Dan, and ramble a little more because you are “Lindy West.” I get it. I do. You want to the “I love you so much Lindy West” parade. But this is an abuse to this paper. It’s hideous to demand respect via your professional (not so professional) job. With that said, go back to writing shitty movie reviews. People might love you because you’re snarky, angry, demanding, opinionated, or x, y, and z. But I just think you’re cashing in on something that many a fat lady can’t. And I don’t say that to knock weight. Fat, as #1277 said, IS fine. That’s not the issue. The issue is your vehicle. Way to use the system, for no reason other than to make yourself feel a little better, or a little worse. Whatever, West.

  26. You go girl. I am 200 pounds, at 48 years of age and my own husband doesn’t find me attractive anymore. But, I figure that is his problem. I got heavier when I had my 6 year old late in life, and he is a joy to me. Also, I went through chemotherapy at this weight, and was told more often tthan ever in my life (even more than when I was young and light) how beautiful I was, I began to realize that I really am beautiful. That it wasn’t just people trying to be polite. That they mean it. So, the hell with judgment. I also live in a suburb with a lot of unworking moms in jogging suits and blonde pony tails (even at my age), and I like being different. I would like being thinner, but not that much. Not enough to not like myself the way I am too. Thanks for your post Lindy. You go, girl.

  29. So, I know that no-one is probably reading down this far but I want to throw my two cents in anyway. I think that people genuinely suck when it comes to being sensitive to people’s appearance… I also think that this is something that you just have to learn to deal with.

    I have been on both extremes of the weight scale, I was a chunky-monkey as a kid AND an anorexic adult. For my bigger years I was tormented, so I stopped eating, lost a ton of weight. The thing is, I got tormented even WORSE when I was skinny. My bigger friends (ones I commiserated with when I was bigger) now made fun of my eating habits, about how clothes fit me now and even though I never said a word against their weight… I was now one of “those” skinny people.

    I think that its great that Lindy loves her body but calling out a co-worker (he is NOT her boss) publicly is childish and petty. It completely ruins her credibility for me. She did not give the context for the comments and spun them to fit her needs. I agree with Dan, rolls of fat are gross when people are not wearing clothes that fit them. It has nothing to do with thin or fat… its about fit. My best friend is a big girl (and I think she is stunning) but growing up we were the same size. Its something she has never got out of, she is very size tag conscious. I went from a size 16 to close to a 4 and she tries to fit into current my size clothing… in her head we are still the same size even though she is currently a size 16. She get rolls, and it looks gross on her… just like it would look gross on me if I tried slipping into a size 0. When people wear the correct size… no rolls! Dan was talking about fashion in one of those quotes!

    For people who are ragging on Dan for his opinion shame on you! Its his opinion, he can say. I don’t always agree with what he says, but I will defend his right to say it. He is a sex advice columnist, not an advocate for every issue on the planet. He doesn’t HAVE to be kind or sensitive to every issue on the planet. I can even understand how frustrating the issue must be for him. He’s gay, its a matter of genes- he was born gay, will die gay and will be continually persecuted for being gay. Its like being persecuted for being tall or short. It must be very frustrating to see people get upset about an issue that is fixable. Weight is fixable, its controllable (its not always easy to control but you can control it). There are diets, exercise, will-power, surgeries and medication that can help you adjust you weight… being gay is not the same. It must be incredibly frustrating to watch people suffer for something that they can solve.

    Being over-weight can lead to a lot of health problems, its a fact. It increases the chances of getting so many health problems, just like smoking, alcohol, and other addictions (and I’m aware that not every over-weight person is a food addict). He may not have sugar-coated it, but he has an opinion and reasons behind that opinion, and people can either take or leave it.

    Does everyone find fat attractive…. no but people also don’t always find thin, blond, brunette, short, tall, big boobs, small boobs attractive either. Aesthetics are about PERSONAL taste. If your bent out of shape because someone doesn’t find you attractive, tough. There are others out there who do, stop being so sensitive and go out and live your life.

  31. Feeling good about your own body is a great accomplishment. I myself still struggle with that to a small degree, even though I don’t judge others for how they look. But here’s a trick that might help others who don’t look like supermodels for whatever reason (not weight alone): TURN OF THE GODDAMN TV! Since I quit Charter for the horrible price and customer service, I have given fewer and fewer thoughts to how I look. I see people who are “normal” i.e. not on TV, and they interact with me and are human and beautiful. Being away from TV stereotypes makes it obvious that they are just that: stereotypes. I don’t internalize them any more because I don’t see stereotypes 5 hours a day! I don’t know what it is about people, but when we watch fake things on TV or online, we act as if it’s reality, even those of us who know it’s fake! Just stop watching it and it will no longer be your reality. It’s fun out here in the real world!

  34. @1291 Brian

    Awesome, awesome post! I especially love this, in response to Lindy’s view that fat people are oppressed:

    “Truly oppressed people lack choice. People of color can’t wash the pigment off their skin. Gay people can’t stop being attracted to the same sex. Mentally or physically disabled people can’t grow new brains or legs or arms. However, as fat people, we DO have power over our own bodies. We may be shamed, but to say we are oppressed is an insult to those who are really oppressed, who do not, in any way, have the ability to change. Lindy shouldn’t make oppression a buzz word in her personal struggle with fatness.”

  35. I’ve commented on this topic too much, but 103 stuck out to me…

    “try to eat less than 2000 calories”…

    Not going to work for all “fat” people, particularly women. My average daily caloric intake is around 1100 calories, mostly raw veggies and lean protein. I also require an hour a day of “light” activity or 30 minutes of “heavy” activity, plus an additional hour of “moderate” activities 3 days a week to maintain 5’5, 152 lbs. I don’t appear to weigh as much as I do, though, so I don’t get beaten up on as badly as I used to.

    I know how hard it can be to lose and maintain weight, I started at 235 lbs. Half the problem is the mental energy to do it just isn’t there when you’re beaten down by the world. In a way, many if not most fat people CAN’T lose the weight because they physically and mentally don’t have the energy to do it. Fat people also probably tend to just be larger naturally, so it requires even more work that they don’t have the energy for. I know firsthand that it takes A LOT of energy to stay where I am, and is damn near impossible to lose more (I was a few pounds lighter a while back, but felt terrible), and I have no right to tell other people to put themselves through that. Forget eating healthy, forget moderation. For many fat people, losing weight would be a constant state of denial (hey, like it is for me!)…I don’t eat cake on my birthday, and I don’t celebrate promotions with a night of binge drinking. I’m lucky I have a boyfriend who can drink an entire bottle of wine by himself, because I hate to waste expensive wines and I can only have 1 glass a night, and we all know that 24 hours is about your limit once opened. I gain weight quickly, so when I travel for business I’m always asking too many questions about sauces and ingredients…2 weeks off would be disastrous (I could gain 10 or 15 lbs easily). I find it so hard to dine out that I often just bring something with me to the restaurant, so I don’t have to sit at home alone (yes, I could ask for a salad with plain grilled chicken and vinegar, but (a) restaurants hate when you do that, and (b) I’m never sure they didn’t sneak something else in the food).

    So, yeah, not so easy. I’m not asking you to find fat, or muscular, or curvy, or big-boned, or any other type of person attractive, I’m asking you to keep your fucking opinion to yourself unless explicitly asked for it…kthanks!

  36. @whoever said:

    “If what you say is true, then many people in third world countries, without adequate food supplies, would also be obese. We don’t find this phenomenon to be the case, and therefore it’s not true.”

    Um, there are lots of undernourished fat people in third-world countries. What planet are you living on?

    Or did you mean countries where large swaths of the population are dying of catastrophic famine? Because yeah, I take your point, that’s an eating model we should all be emulating.

  37. I’m almost 50 years old, and have been overweight all my life, including when I literally starved myself down to a size 11, which was still considered overweight. I am on 0 medications. My pulse, blood pressure and cholesterol levels are perfect. I’m active, and happy. Most of my thinner friends are on some kind of medication or another. I have tried many diets, and they all worked, for a short time. Then, they stopped working. All of them. So, first of all, don’t assume that being overweight means being unhealthy. Second, don’t assume it’s easy to lose weight. It isn’t easy for everyone.

  38. @whoever said:

    “If what you say is true, then many people in third world countries, without adequate food supplies, would also be obese. We don’t find this phenomenon to be the case, and therefore it’s not true.”

    Um, there are lots of undernourished fat people in third-world countries. What planet are you living on?

    Or did you mean countries where large swaths of the population are dying of catastrophic famine? Because yeah, I take your point, that’s an eating model we should all be emulating.

  39. @1296 gbertina

    You obviously didn’t understand the point. I was responding to a commenter who said that some people are still obese even though they restrict their calories to below 2000 per day. If that were true, then there would be roughly the same number of obese people all over the world.

    Clearly, this is not the case. Some obesity statistics: http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/hea_ob…

    And thus, the fact is…more food and more calories equals a fatter person. It’s very simple.

  40. Actually, 1297, the source of the calories is also important for many people. If I ate 1100 calories a day of sugary junk, I would weigh more than I do now – and I’d be really, really hungry. One of the problems that we face in the U.S. is that sugary junk is prolific and cheap, while whole, natural foods are harder to get a hold of and relatively expensive. Though I disagree with those who will say “calorie for calorie, they’re X times more expensive,” because one does not NEED as many calories of real food as junk, the fact remains that I could totally eat boxed mac & cheese, white pasta, white rice, hot dogs, and soda for way less than I spend on veggies, poultry, fish, and a few high-fiber whole grains.

    And, I really want a fucking orange. I haven’t had an orange in maybe 5 or 6 years…too much sugar…but I love oranges. My coworker is eating one and between this article/discussion and the smell it’s making me cry a little. Sigh…off to retrieve my bag of broccoli from the fridge.

  42. @1297 littlesparrow7, I suggest your obsession with http://www.theskinnywebsite.com/ should disqualify you from participating in this discussion. Seriously. What body image issues do *you* have that draw you there? How does Jennifer Hudson losing weight make you feel? Is she a “better” person now than she was before? Would you like her less if she had gained weight? Would you have posted a disparaging comment there? Why?

  43. I’m a dude, 6’0, 190 lbs. The much-maligned BMI states that I’m overweight (25.8), and the truth is that I could stand to lose about 10 lbs.; I just don’t care enough to. I have to put a LOT of effort into maintaining my weight as-is, including

    1. No desserts, ever. I haven’t had ice cream/cake/pie/etc. in years.
    2. No snacks, ever. That includes chips, salsa, crackers, cookies, etc. I don’t buy them; they’re not even in my house.
    3. No caloried soda, ever. Coke Zero was a godsend, because I really missed soda and couldn’t stomach the Diet labels. Again, I haven’t had a caloried soda in years.
    4. No meat, ever. I’m a vegetarian.
    5. No sauces. I don’t say “ever” because they show up at restaurants, but I no longer make any sauce for my home food, and the only thing I put on my salads is salt and pepper.
    6. I eat two meals a day. When I tried to eat three like everyone else, I kept gaining weight, so I switched to a “brunch” (really, lunch) and an early dinner.
    7. I do strenuous exercise for an hour a day, five days a week. Strenuous = running on the treadmill or heavy lifting. [How do I find time? I don’t watch TV. I don’t have cable or even an antenna.]

    There are a bunch of other tweaks– I use egg whites instead of eggs, only drink non-fat milk, don’t use mayonnaise, etc.– but those are less significant.

    I do have a couple indulgences: wine and cheese. As I get older, my metabolism gets even slower, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I have to give up both of those as well. (I’ve already started cutting back on the cheese.) I figure by the time I’m in my seventies, I’ll be living off of water and air. 🙂

    My point is twofold:

    1. It is a lot easier for some people to maintain their weight than others, and I seriously doubt that any of the anti-fat crowd have to live with the kind of severe diet I’ve imposed on myself. So you can STFU about willpower and whatnot. Y’all sound like George Bush insisting that anyone can be rich if they only work hard enough.

    2. At this same time, it is possible to control your own weight if you’re willing to give up a lot of things that everyone else gets to eat. That doesn’t mean everyone should– it’s a lot of work for some of us, and we may have better things to do with our time. But barring the very rare exception, it’s possible.

  44. Very thought provoking. I can imagine what comments like this would do to someone who feels like they are on the other end of it. I am so happy to hear that you are loving your body more now, and with time and age, I hope it gets better every year. It has for me.

    I just wish there was a better debate about paying for children to learn and be creative and confident in this world through education and taxes than the costly health care required because of choices we make that often catch up with us. I hope you get the joy of having one some day and realizing this statement is as ignorant as yours about weight.

    So be proud, be confident and be humble. And remember the famous saying 2 wrongs don’t make a right.

  45. Lindy, I was already a fan for your reviews of “Sex and the City” and “Get Him to the Greek.” Now I admire you as a bold and articulate fatshionista, too! Love the outfit — way to focus attention on your beautiful ankles! — and the don’t-mess-with-me expression.

  46. @1298, I don’t know how global this is, but didn’t some dietitian recently lose weight by eating nothing but junk food — just a small amount of it (I think around 1K Calories/day)? I think the issue is complicated because you need to have nutrients with your calories or all sorts of processes start crashing on you. But the point (at least in his case) was that it really WAS the number of calories and not the source. Now, someone who’s actually a dietician or a biochemist correct me if I’m wrong, but the idea about sources of calories affecting your weight, I think, came from Dr. Atkins and his very vague notion of biochemistry. That doesn’t mean the low-carb/low-sugar diets don’t work for some people, but it also doesn’t mean that it works FOR THE REASON THEY THINK. It might just be that carbs, the way we eat them (with extra sauces and baked densely) have more calories per mouthful than meat. It might also be that sugars taste great and therefore compel us to eat more. Of course, you know better than I what works and doesn’t work for you, but I was hoping this might help you think about things you can eat that you might not have considered. If it doesn’t, disregard.

  47. @1239, you might want to consider that that “being beaten down by the world” is depression from biochemical sources, not from how the world views you. I, of course, don’t know your situation, so forgive me if I’m projecting. But I know that for me, I got fat because I was depressed for a totally irrelevant reason. But then once I fixed that, I stayed fat and the fat itself was making me depressed. Only a little bit (i.e. slightly paranoid, barely enough energy to get out of bed, lack of willpower in the face of burgers, not WANTING to be healthy because of slight self-destructive tendencies, etc), but that was enough to make it very hard to fix. It’s a tough hole to climb out of — depression makes you sit in bed and eat and want to hurt yourself, but the only way out of it is to exercise and eat vegetables and be good to yourself. Nobody was ever mean to me — in fact, I got hit on more with the extra weight (not really a plus as far as I’m concerned, but I’m counting it as a sign that the people were nice instead of mean). Still didn’t make me not hate myself, but the hatred was from the depression, not the fat! Who gives a fuck about your weight — just fix the depression. It makes us all irrational (i.e. our brain incorrectly attributes a cause to the feeling), and it’s just plain no fun. For me, the fix was lots of water, SAM-e, all of my daily servings of vegetables (just add them to your diet if you still want to eat unhealthy things), exercise every few days, and more than 6h of sleep a night. It took a year and a half to make these minor changes stick, but now I can make the rational decision about whether I want to lose weight because I am no longer depressed 23/6. I think I will lose a little because my back hurts sometimes, but I don’t feel compelled to look like a model. Why? Because I know I’m fine and people who think otherwise are silly and wrong — it seems outrageous that I’d care what they think. Why do I feel that way? Because I circumvented the biochemical effects the extra fat (if I read the literature correctly, it’s about inflammatory effects of no exercise and adipose tissue fucking with your hormone levels) was having on my brain. Fix the root cause — feeling bad is not because of your appearance, just your biochemistry. And that can be fixed without changing your appearance, if you so choose.

  48. Okay this is more of a response to Andrew, whose comment begins with: This is bullshit. I weighed 238 lbs on Jan 1st, and today I weigh 215. That’s 23 lbs in 6 weeks (actually less than 6).

    You sir, are an asshole. Not everyone loses, weight. I can attest to that, no matter what I have done, which I’ve done exactly what you’ve done, entire diet and exercise program…and nothing happened.

    You cannot say that everyone can lose weight…not everyone can, and it’s not our fault, or our laziness…it’s sometimes just a fact of our body, and our different healths. I completely agree with this blog, it is a beautiful piece and of course we shouldn’t be shamed into thinking we’re disgusting. More power to you Linda, and to me!

  49. I think the criticism Dan levies against fat people (which is almost wholly legitimate) is being conflated with the illegitimate and often terrible pressures healthy women feel to look like supermodels. They’re not the same, and to equate obesity with healthy women who are pressured is not only dishonest, but it’s selfish.

    Lindy, you’re neither a tad bit pudgy, nor are you healthy. You’re morbidly obese. Plenty of studies published weekly in reputable medical journals time and again state that you are more likely to suffer countless health problems solely because of your weight. And what do you do to try to fix these problems? You blame someone who states empirically verifiable facts instead of making a concerted effort to do something about your problem. This is not an unwarranted criticism of another person. Would anyone in their right mind think somebody was unjustified in confronting someone with a crack problem? Of course not, and the only reason criticizing fatties is not P.C. in some circles is because there are so many walrus look-alikes in the good old US of A.

    I used to work in a health club, and EVERY SINGLE tubby bitch (used without any intention of referencing gender for you sensitive folk) looking to lose weight said the same exact thing: “I do countless things and I can’t lose weight.” Alas, a month into a diet and exercise regimen, EVERY SINGLE person who stuck with the program lost weight. At first, most chalked it up to the hand of god blessing their trainer, but then those that realized what it actually takes to lose weight owned up to the notion that it’s not a miracle. It’s a simple formula: burn more calories than you take in and you will lose weight. It takes more effort for some than others, but it can be done by anyone. Stop trying to make others feel bad for your shortcomings, and do what most of us do with respect to our own: suck it up, take responsibility, and get help if need be.

    P.S. I don’t know anyone who thinks somebody some 100 pounds overweight is “attractive.” If you love yourself that’s fine, but it’s selfish to force people to think you’re not unattractive and unhealthy.

  50. this post = made of awesome.

    Dan will, if he’s lucky, someday come to some sort of peace with the fact that internalizing some others’ gay-hating does not excuse him for perpetuating hatred of other kinds for other people. I hope. For his sake, and his kid’s, but mostly for himself.

    His response is just a sad regurgitation of various odes on the theme ‘I’m hated! So I get to hate, too! It is only fair!’ Oh Dan. Grow the fuck up.

    And meanwhile, Lindy, you absolutely fucking rocked the debate. Win win win.

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