The Book of Mormon is available for free, and fleets of dashing
young men commit up to three years of their lives to delivering it. So
if you want retribution for the Mormon-funded Proposition 8—the
bigoted measure that banned same-sex marriage in
California—requesting a copy is one way to burn some Latter-day
dough. If the government won’t tax the church’s pyramid tithing PAC, at
least you can tax its resources.
At Mormon.org, anyone can sign up
for a free Book of Mormon. I thought they’d mail me a copy. But when I
filled out the form, up popped this message: “Thank you for requesting
the Book of Mormon from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. You should be contacted by missionaries in a few days.”
Actual missionaries? It sounded too good to be true. Four days
later, my phone rang. It was Elder Guthrie—he and Elder Leatham
would arrive around 6:00 p.m. And at 6:11, there they fucking were. I
shook their hands and pointed them to the couch.
“You may have heard about Proposition 8,” I said. They nodded. I
told them that the California measure cast uncertainty on the marriage
licenses of nearly 20,000 same-sex couples, that Mormon Church leaders
directed their congregations to “do all you can to support
the…amendment by donating of your means and time,” resulting in
two-thirds of the Prop 8 funding.
The boys stared at their shoes. They work and live on Capitol Hill,
and are dispatched by text message every time some gay guy with a beef
orders a book. But their convictions remain strong. “When I read the
Book of Mormon, it makes me happy,” said wide-eyed Guthrie, writing
down passages in suspiciously bubbly handwriting for me to read
later.
The Book of Mormon itself is a melodrama. The passages, printed on
pages thin enough to roll into joints, read like Penthouse prose
spiked with Shakespearian clichés: “Thy seed also had been as
the sand; the offspring of thy bowels like the gravel thereof….”
Bowel seed, First Book of Nephi? Verily gross.
The 779-page Book of Mormon, first written in an Egyptian-ish scrawl
on gold tablets, was discovered by Joseph Smith in 1823. (Nobody has
seen these gold tablets since.) Smith was surely transcribing the word
of God directly when reporting that the Jaredites came to the Americas
to find “elephants and cureloms and cumoms.”
But the book doesn’t directly address gay marriage. When pressed for
an example of the harm that same-sex marriages would cause Mormons,
Thomas Olson, president of the Mormon’s Seattle North Stake, couldn’t
name one. He also wouldn’t quote the Book of Mormon. Instead, he cited
the church’s so-called “Proclamation on the Family.” It declares that
“marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the
family is central to the Creator’s plan….” Church president Gordon B.
Hinckley announced the proclamation on September 23, 1995.
In other words, Mormons updated their religion in 1995, and now
that’s what they all believe and you better believe it, too.
“We certainly don’t condone bigotry or targeting gays or lesbians,”
says Olson. “I guess people would say… that we have done that, but
that is not our intent.”
I told the Elders that it doesn’t matter what their book sayeth about what I can or can’t doeth with my bowel seed. There’s the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, the Flying Spaghetti Monster Cookbook, and they all maintain different recipes for salvation—but those books don’t establish laws for shrimp eaters, ham lovers, or pastophobes. Any holy book or religion, if enacted into law, would deny the followers of another book their freedoms.
I asked the two young missionaries, “Wouldn’t it be bigoted if I
interpreted my book of faith to take away your rights?”
Awkward pause.
“As it happens, I do have a book that guides my faith and would
repeal your rights if passed into law,” I said. I’d folded a few pages
of printer paper in half, and on the cover I’d scrawled “The Book of
More Men.”
“The first page here says, ‘Mormons shall not foist their doctrine
unto others lest those who hateth Mormons subject their rules upon
others. Rule number one: Mormon missionaries must not proselytize.'”
The guys laughed. They would return home to Arizona in a few months
welted by the tongue-lashings of dozens more fags like me. We shook
hands, and they left. I put my copy of the Book of Mormon next to the
toilet, where all my houseguests could use its pages to wipe their
bowel seed. 
Mormonism is an easier target for ridicule, because unlike Christianity or Islam it hasn’t been around that long. Three of the major religions all stem from Abraham, and have been around long enough to undergo centuries of changes, interpretations and alterations.
To me this article was about confronting someone directly, who understood the Mormon faith, and asking direct questions. All religions have their faults, the Dalai Lama wouldn’t condone a homosexual relationship, but he’s not saying their immoral. Its recognizing not one’s religion, but their humanity. The author doesn’t say all Mormons are bad; he’s simply saying “I think this is crap, and they cost hundreds of perfectly fine gay couples the right to marry.” Is there suddenly something wrong with standing up for one’s ideals?
Religious assholes have ruined the world for me and everyone else that just want to live peaceful lives. Fuck you scumbags, eat shit and die. Nothing need be said beyond that.
I was visiting a friend when a couple of Elders came to the door. I was surprised at her response. She told them straight out, you guys gave up polygamy so we’d let you join America and you gave up your bigotry so you’d fit in–you sell out your faith pretty easily. She said, in another 20 years you might even be ready to welcome a Lesbian like me into the fold. Come back and see me then, and for God’s sake, grow a backbone!
Th Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn’t care if you’re straight or gay, so long as you don’t mind if he’s invisible.
Zoe
Everyone is treated equally at present.
Gays want special treatment and special privileges- currently NO ONE may marry their own gender, gays want to carve out a special category for themselves.
The American people see it very clearly. Obama sees it. Don’t expect to see Obama appoint judges who will backstab the American people, either.
(ask Rick Warren)
If you folks were smart you would work for ‘civil union’ that has all the protections of marriage.
That is achievable.
You won’t win the ‘marriage’ battle but will piss off Obama and a lot of Americans who otherwise are very supportive of the gay agenda.
Sorry, Cal. You fail Human Rights 101.
Congratulations to Mr. Holden for doing what no one else could! First, he lied to trick a church organization into sending him free stuff. That takes some guts. Then, in the face of adversity itself, he found the courage to invite two 19yo kids into his home, that had nothing to do with the vote, and mock them. And finally when all seemed lost, he pulled it all together to write an error-ridden article about it. Yo that’s hardcore dawg!
The actions by the author were ridiculous and constituted nothing more than a temper tantrum, and bordered on harassment. And the focus of the post-Prop 8 vote is ignorant. Yes, many members of the LDS church gave their time and money to the proposition. There is however a difference between supporting the prop and actually VOTING for the prop. The number of Mormons were not great enough to pass it on their own. The vote was the state of California, all religions, races, and backgrounds, making their feelings felt about marriage. I see many “articles” like this ignoring the fact that the majority of voting minorities and senior citizens voted in favor of Prop 8. I wonder how the author would have looked inviting two elderly people or two black people into his home and mocking them?
And to those that think that his calling out people all around to do this same thing will convert Mormons to your side, get a clue. I’m Mormon and I have gay friends and I STILL support Prop 8. I also have friends that do drugs, it doesn’t mean I’m going to support their desire to legalize marijuana. You can be friends with a person and not agree with their lifestyle. Supporting Prop 8 doesn’t make one naive, or “never known a gay person”, or simply mean. Sometimes it’s simply a person standing up for what they believe is right, whether you share that same belief or not.
I’ve got to say I was surprised by the number of people commenting and speaking out against the article. Given the liberal nature of the area and the publication, I expected the same result. I was glad to see people of varying religions, and even other gays, recognizing the foolishness of the author.
Calinformer,
Heterosexuals have the right to marry the person of their choice (as long as that person is old enough and not currently married to someone else). Why is this a “special” right for gays and not for straights?
btw, I am a straight white woman married to a black man, a marriage that would have been illegal in many states in the past. Those laws were overturned because they were unjust, and for the record, I believe that laws against gay marriage are equally unjust.
Passed Biology 101, tho
All in all a ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. It is a fundamental part of the United States to create a separation of Church and State. Any State ruling on gay marriage violates this. Every religious institution has the right to formulate their own stance on gay marriage, but, following the Constitution, no government of the US can produce or enforce that interpretation.
Learn the ethics of your own country. It’s the closed minded, uninformed, religious fanatics that drive people to ridiculous measures, such as harassing some missionaries. If religion did not hold such a strong hand on the government, formal political action could be taken to battle the injustice of gay marriage.
You may belong to a church, a mosque, a synagogue, a temple, or an independent self. But, we all belong to the United States and no sub-community of that has the right to insert their values into my, your, our country.
hey J!
Heterosexuals do have the right to marry the person of their choice (as long as that person is old enough and not currently married to someone else AND IS THE OPPOSITE GENDER).
GAYS HAVE ALL THOSE SAME RIGHTS
No one is allowed to marry their own gender.
Heterosexuals are not getting some right that is denied gays.
Gays want to carve out a special new never-before-seen category of ‘marriage’ for themselves.
No thanks.
Consider Civil Union.
We all belong to the United States and no sub-community of that has the right to insert their values into my, your, our country.
So homosexuals, please quit trying to FORCE your secular humanist religious views of marriage out of OUR Constitutions, laws and schools.
thank you
All this talk of going to hell. Mormons don’t believe in hell. Good Mormons just get better accommodations in the afterlife. There you are sitting there playing poker with your best buds in the Telestial Kingdom and then some lame ass temple worker goes and gets baptized in your name and suddenly you’re sucked into the Celestial Kingdom. You look around think how boring it looks and then realize that you’re not going to be able to clean out your friends pockets with the straight flush you were holding.
sorry, let’s try again….
We all belong to the United States and no sub-community of that has the right to insert their values into my, your, our country.
So homosexuals, please quit trying to FORCE your secular humanist religious views of marriage INTO OUR Constitutions, laws and schools.
thank you
>>>> “All in all a ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional.”
Wow, that’s funny.
Somebody forgot to tell us.
For 230 years.
You’d think it would have come up before.
Get real.
Homosexual ‘marriage’ is not a Constitutional right. (oh wait- there it is, right after the ‘right’ to slaughter you unborn children! my bad…)
(not really)
Homosexuals are now trying to force their religious interpretation of marriage on the entire nation.
Keep your religious beliefs out of my state government.
My sister converted to Mormonism for a while. (She later came to her senses when her loving Mormon husband thought beating his wife was holy) The best thing about that time was the missionaries. They’d come over for holiday dinners. I was able to get more than one into the sack.
I guess someone forgot to tell us that slavery was wrong and that women have voting rights until it came up several decades after the constitution was instated. 😉
Also, anyone who is actively trying to convert people to their cause is wasting their time here. The internets are not conducive to rational debate.
Cali voter, will you have to marry someone of the same sex? Will you have to attend a gay wedding?
If someone eats kosher, are they forcing their beliefs on you? Do you lay awake at night worrying about what Jews are eating?
If you don’t care about what people of other beliefs eat, why do you care who they marry? How does it affect you personally? Will you leave your spouse? Will you love your other half less? Exactly how will gay marriage cause you harm?
Just FYI – young men commit to only years. Sister missionaries work in the field for 18 months. The only three year missions are held by mission presidents, who are responsible for running the mission, not delivering Book of Mormons.
Also, the plates that Joseph Smith discovered were seen by other people. There are two statements written by different witnesses at the front of the Book of Mormon. Most of the witnesses left the Mormon church; however, none would ever deny that they saw those plates.
I thought it was interesting…
Hey Rob,
Thanks for sharing the sad story about your sad sister (again)
and your ‘exploits’ with missionaries (again; eyes rolling this time)
and the totally yummy but irrelevant ‘kosher’ analogies (again).
We’ve got them memorized but never tire of hearing them!!
“We all belong to the United States and no sub-community of that has the right to insert their values into my, your, our country.”
Yeah, like abolitionists and supporters of women’s suffrage. Who the hell did those troublemakers think they were?
Sorry, I momentarily forgot the real, traditional meaning of marriage: the transfer of property (bride) from her father to her husband. Anything else would be unnatural!
I am gay and not religious, and I find this piece offensive. I agree with the idea of challenging Mormons to a debate — and anyone else who would deprive any minority group of their civil rights and claim that it’s not discrimination. Our anger is justified. But defacing religious texts out of hatred and resentment of an entire group is also bigotry. How sad and ineffective.
Chad, You think, after hearing them again, you’d have answer to my arguments. Funny how you don’t.
what arguments?
“Heterosexuals do have the right to marry the person of their choice (as long as that person is old enough and not currently married to someone else AND IS THE OPPOSITE GENDER).”
I believe you mean of the opposite sex. Sex and gender don’t always match. Actually, in that case, what would count? The person’s physical sex or their gender identity?
The gay marriage ban means that a portion of the community does not have the right to marry the partner of their choice. Having the “right” to marry someone you aren’t attracted to isn’t much of a right.
“Also, anyone who is actively trying to convert people to their cause is wasting their time here. The internets are not conducive to rational debate.”
Probably so, but the religious zealots can get so cute when they’re angry.
mr. holden: yer a dick. i’m sure those poor missionaries are used to tards like you. your actions do nothing to further gay rights.
Chad, if you have to ask, I guess you didn’t comprehend what I wrote.
“If someone really thinks you’re going to hell and they don’t bring it up, it is not because they respect you.
they, for whatever reason, decided it wasn’t worth the hassle, awkwardness, etc.
or they don’t care if you go to hell.
if a ‘friend’ saw me about to step into an empty elevator shaft and fall to my death would they show their ‘respect’ by letting me die?
friends don’t let friends go to hell!”
Posted by hell no! we won’t go!
“Hell no…”, not at all.
Look, as I understand it, witnessing actually makes quite a lot of sense in one way: how are people going to be saved by Jesus Christ if they don’t know who he is? That’s why, as much as I disagree with a lot of it, missionary work makes sense. People who have never heard of Jesus will go to Hell even though it’s not their fault. Therefore, missionaries are doing a great service because they are paving the way for people to be saved. I get that.
But I grew up in a Christian culture. I’ve gone to Church more times than synagogue (I’m Jewish). I studied the Bible in school and have read pretty much all of the old testament and about a third of the new testament. I have talked at length to Christians, Jews, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and a bit to Mormons. I know about Jesus and I still am not a believer. Therefore, my Christian friends have done all they can and should do. Their job is not to make me believe in God. Only ‘God’ could do that. Their job is to witness to me, which they have done, as I stated before, in a respectful, personal way.
Paul,
Religion has done a whole lotta good for many people. You don’t see much of that on slog. Is that the fault of the atheists here or the believers?
The whole Prop 8 argument makes no sense to me. I thought no Catholic, Mormon, (et al) would accept as “marriage” a piece of paper they got at city hall. “Marriage” is a sacrament that can only be obtained at an altar from a guy in some sort of fancy robe who talks funny and makes hand signals a lot. So, what the hell are we arguing about? Their own argument makes no sense.
The writer of this drivel is a sad sodomite, full of hate. But then again, what do you expect from The Stranger?
Actually, I meant gender, thank you. Sex and gender do match, always; in the real world at least. Biology 101. I realize in the alphabet soup wonderland of GLBT it is fashionable to ignore the facts of life but if one has studied much biology it is not possible to swallow the liberal PC theology.
Dominic,
I’m LDS (Mormon). I’m straight. I’m also pro-gay-marriage. (Because, who the hell am I to tell someone else who they can/can’t marry?) Moving along…
Please consider the possibility that being a juvenile prick to your enemies isn’t going to garner the results you’re after. Your actions are only serving to reinforce the problem. (“Hmm… Gay people are jerks.”)
Instead, I suggest dealing with us like people, instead of “Mormons”. If you get to know us, you might find that we’re pretty normal for a bunch of right wing, nut job cultists. 😉
Try taking some missionaries out to lunch. Demonstrate how baseless their fears are and befriend them. THAT will leave a lasting impression with a measurable net effect. (“These gay people are really nice to us. Hmm… *PONDER*”)
Being nice… Like the kamikaze, it’s a tactic of considerable power.
So… You and your people get started on that and I’ll keep working on the problem from this end. Deal? Fabulous.
P.S. To the peanut gallery: You don’t like it when people bash your beliefs. I don’t like it when people bash my beliefs. Please stop bashing my religion.
This article is the definition of an inferiority complex.
str8isthepath, if only _YOU_ had your facts right. As the author stated, Mormons can serve for up 3 years. “Couple missionaries who serve as the President and Matron of a mission serve for 36 months” (lds.about.com) There’s something to be said of credibility. It must be embarrassing to be wrong on a point you are calling someone out on.
It seems that every dis’ you poured on the author you are guilty of yourself. (1) Your facts are wrong (2) Taunting and (3) Immaturity hurt your cause
Nobody likes a hypocrite, especially a mean one.
Three things;
1. You ALL are going to hell.
2. Mr. Holden is a ASSHOLE.
3. Why does ANYONE else care if two people find love and want to share their lives by getting married? I just don’t get it.
You Mormons are so silly. Does the church lobotomize new members for free? Or do I have to get one before I join?
Hey genious: The scriptire you quoted from is actually a direct quote from Isaiah, a BIBLE prophet. Also, “proselytize” is not a word. The word is “proselyte.” Your an idiot. The mormons dont deserve this; all the other Christian religions were in on this, too. You have some serious guts…
The book of Mormon is a silly book, and Mormons have the silliest Religion. You gotta love them though, cause they’re mean- assed murdering psychopaths when crossed. Peace Brothers, I have no intention of ordering your silly book, and I won’t do two hot young Mormon Missionary’s in a homo gang bang either.
Califormer,
Wrong. Sex is physiological, Gender is socially constructed. From Merriam-Webster: Gender…”b: the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex”
Main Entry:
pros·e·ly·tize Listen to the pronunciation of proselytize
Pronunciation:
ˈprä-s(ə-)lə-ˌtīz
Function:
verb
Inflected Form(s):
pros·e·ly·tized; pros·e·ly·tiz·ing
Date:
1679
intransitive verb 1 : to induce someone to convert to one’s faith 2 : to recruit someone to join one’s party, institution, or cause transitive verb : to recruit or convert especially to a new faith, institution, or cause
— pros·e·ly·ti·za·tion Listen to the pronunciation of proselytization ˌprä-s(ə-)lə-tə-ˈzā-shən, ˌprä-sə-ˌlī-tə- noun
— pros·e·ly·tiz·er Listen to the pronunciation of proselytizer ˈprä-s(ə-)lə-ˌtī-zər noun
Mr. Holden, as an American, you are very much entitled to your opinion. That entitlement is a very high honor, and is available to everyone in this country. I respect your ability to inspire fair debate, and I am saddened by those who would silence you. I am certain that they would not like to be silenced in their right to speak. People of all faiths have become so corrupted by their personal ideals, that the true values of their beliefs are forgotten and cast aside with disdain like that of a decomposing corpse. Everyone seems to have forgotten to give the respect and tolerance that they so demand. To ALL of the self-righteous: GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! This life is a test and we are all FAILING!
The missionaries that come to my house are quite nice. I like them. I don’t think most of them spend much time thinking about whether or not their religion oppresses others. My beef is with the Mormon church (and all other churches pushing institutionalized homophobia), not the individual missionaries. I think being a jerk to two strangers is a nasty thing to do regardless of why they’re in your house.
I once broke into a Muslim bookshop and pissed all over their collection of Korans. I guess I should feel a little ashamed at being rude, but it was pretty funny and in a way, appropriate.
On the count of three, everyone shout insults at your opponent, intentionally misunderstand them and utterly fail to listen to any reason from the opposition.
1 – 2 – 3 – GO!
This is just sad.
hahaha is this all you can think to do with your time?? get a life flamer!
SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE
Wow, I think you might just be onto something.
JT
http://www.Ultimate-Anonymity.com
South Park said it perfectly, “Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb!”
Dude this article got seriously trolled.
10bux says most of the religious fundie posts are actually atheists out for a good trollin’
Eventually people who oppose legal recognition to gay marriage will end up in history’s landfill next to the segregationists, people who opposed biracial marriage, people who opposed women’s rights to vote, and people who opposed the end of slavery. Nice company.
I know this is little comfort to gays who want the legal rights for their families that are afforded to straight families, but know you are fighting on the side of justice.
And please prop 8 supporters, how does giving the same legal rights you family enjoys to gay families hurt you? How does denying them these rights help anyone?