I am an 18-year-old straight male. I have a hodgepodge of birth defects that affect my genitalia: severe hypospadias (my urethra—my piss slit—is at the base of my penis), micropenis (less than two inches), and anorchia (I was born without testes). I have never been naked around anyone else. I don’t really like being naked by myself, to be honest.
Lately, my sex drive has skyrocketed. It is driving me up the wall. Couple this with the fact that women see me as attractive, and I’m not doing well. Sexual situations are presenting themselves to me and there’s nothing I can do. I’ve recently started college, and it’s endlessly frustrating to see my friends having relationships and being sexually active. I know that casual sex/flings will never be an option for me, but I am dying over here!
Messed-Up Junk
“His story is one that is very familiar to us,” says Tiger Howard Devore, vice president of the Hypospadias and Epispadias Association (HEA). “He should know that he is not rare and many with his kind of genital difference have learned how to communicate about their difference to potential intimate partners.”
You’re right, MUJ: Casual sex/flings—shucking off your clothes and jumping into bed with a girl you’ve just met—may never be an option for you. But you know what? Drunken college hookups last an hour or two, while the communication skills you’re going to have to develop to navigate your sex life will last a lifetime.
And you will have a sex life, MUJ, and there is a lot you can do. There are women out there who prefer tongues, toys, and touch to vaginal penetration. On the Savage Lovecast, I took a call from a woman who was worried she would never find a partner because, although she enjoys other kinds of sex, she’s physically incapable of vaginal intercourse; there’s a new dating website for straight men and women “who cannot engage in sexual intercourse” (www.2date4love.com); and if you fall in love with a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse, sex shops sell strap-on dildos to men, too.
In short, MUJ, you have options. You also have role models.
“One of the most validating and reassuring experiences someone with genital difference can have,” says Devore, “is to meet with others who share their birth history and have dealt with the same issues of self-acceptance, shame, and isolation, and the challenge of intimate relationships.”
HEA hosts an annual conference and it’s coming up, MUJ. If you can get your ass to Chicago over the weekend of October 21–23, I strongly encourage you to attend HEA 2011.
“Connecting with others who share his difference is the best way to end his isolation and begin his healing,” says Devore. “At the conference, he’ll get expert information from doctors and psychologists, and he’ll meet men who have grown up just like him and have faced the same fears and overcome them.”
HEA offers financial aid to men who otherwise wouldn’t be able to attend—an experience that is life changing and, in some cases, life saving—and I’ve made a donation so more men with hypospadias can attend this year. I’m encouraging my readers to do the same:
www.heainfo.org/Donate.html.
I’m a girl from Austria currently seeing a guy who likes to tie me up and gag me. It is just cuffs and ball gags, and I am enjoying it! Recently he sent this text message: “mummification sounds fun.” In his case, “sounds fun” means “I wish to try it.” I looked it up online. Holy! I was scared after watching this video of a guy wrapping a woman first in cling film and then in duct tape! Face and everything! It seemed like out of a horror movie! I texted him back: “I realize this could be a lot of fun for you, but I don’t think I can do that.” He’s never mentioned it again.
I feel awful for denying him. I tell myself it’s about trusting the other person—yes, we have safe words!—but I just can’t shake off the feeling of creepiness! Is there anything I can do to get over being terrified? Was it fair to say “Not gonna happen”?
Because I Am Scared
“BIAS should know that it was absolutely okay for her to say ‘Not gonna happen,'” says Tynan Fox, kinkster, activist, and blogger (www.tynanfox.com). Fox, just 27, has been into mummification for more than a decade—he’s been on both sides of the duct tape—but says he can appreciate why even some bondage fans aren’t into it.
“Many people are claustrophobic,” says Fox, “and they can’t stomach the idea of being wrapped up, and who can blame them? Mummification is extreme play. But her boyfriend is being completely appropriate—she said she wasn’t interested, he hasn’t mentioned it again—and they should both be commended for their open and honest communication.”
But the only way to get over your feelings of terror, if you want to explore this, is to try it while taking things very, very slowly.
“Pace yourselves!” says Fox. “Begin with Saran Wrap only, just from the shoulders to the ankles. If she freaks, the boyfriend cuts her loose and it’s over. If the scene goes well, they can add a little more next time. Eventually, she may find the restriction and sensory deprivation provides a heightened sense of sexual awareness and makes her extremely horny.”
I moved in with a friend of a friend when I was desperate to find housing in a new city. The guy I live with would be an ideal roommate except he sometimes makes homophobic comments. I never told him I’m gay—I didn’t feel the need up front, and now I don’t feel comfortable—but homophobia is not the reason I am writing you. The situation goes deeper.
In the midst of my online exploits, I found an Xtube channel for a guy who is most certainly my roommate. He wears a mask in the videos, but the voice and build are the same, same tattoos, and his bedroom is unmistakable. In the videos, he fucks himself silly with massive dildos—MASSIVE—while begging for cock. Part of me wants to pull one of the videos up the next time he makes a comment. Part of me loves the idea of giving this homophobe a good fucking. What would you do?
Roommate’s Anal Movies
Your living situation sounds like a setup for a great porn parody, RAM. (When a Stranger Comes: “The ass-stretching amateur porn is coming from inside the apartment!”) It also sounds like an opportunity. If you’re into this guy—and, having watched his videos (thanks for the link), it looks like you could literally walk right into this guy—why not seize that great, big, gaping opening created by your little discovery?
The next time your roommate makes a homophobic remark, RAM, tell him you’re gay, tell him you don’t appreciate his comments, and tell him you’re somewhat mystified by his remarks in light of his body of work. Then roll the tape.
There’s a chance—a slim chance—that he’s not gay and just enjoys anal play, sexual transgression, and the attention he gets from men online. But here’s hoping you wind up fucking some sense into your roommate and an apology out of him.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
So where’s the link, Dan!?
Uh… I guess Dan would know more about this than me, but what are the odds that a guy who makes homophobic comments would react violently if hit on? Or at the very least be ashamed and angry afterwards? Maybe better to move out, first, and not set up that sort of awkward/dangerous situation when you’re stuck living there.
“And you will have a sex life, MUJ, and there is a lot you can do. There are women out there who prefer tongues, toys, and touch to vaginal penetration. On the Savage Lovecast, I took a call from a woman who was worried she would never find a partner because, although she enjoys other kinds of sex, she’s physically incapable of vaginal intercourse….”
I was wondering if anyone had the link to this podcast? I’m a woman with a condition called vestibulitis vulvodynia, which means I can’t have sex unless I get painful, expensive, and possibly ineffective surgery. It’s been freaking me out because I feel like I’ll never be able to have a monogamous (or even monogamish) relationship and that whoever I’m with will be perpetually dissatisfied with me. I can’t really talk to my friends about it because either A.) they really don’t want to hear about my disfunctional vagina or B.) they’ll just try to make me feel better(“A nice girl like you? You’ll find a man who loves you for who you are and won’t want to have sex ever!”)
I’ve been interested to hear what Dan has to say about cases like mine–and if there’s any hope for people like me. Which it sounds like there is.
Yeah — link?
Great advice to MUJ but I think 2 makes a good point about the possibility of RAM’s roommate reacting violently/negatively. I would move first.
Besides, you don’t want to screw your roommate. Make your plans to leave, on your own schedule. Then, when you’re all moved out, have him meet you in a public place and have this discussion with him. (Or leave him a letter, with an offer and a link to the site.)
Or, you know, keep this as a really fantastic fantasy to wank off to the rest of your life.
Or, RAM, you could find a humorous way to tell him to knock it off.
Case in point, last week at work…convo on a VHF radio…
Dude: “blah blah, blah blah blah”
Me: “Roger, blah blah blah blah”
Dude: “Roger, thank you darling.”
Me: “Do I LOOK like a darling to you?’ Over the radio, where everybody on the job site could hear. I’m the only woman on the site, btw.
Dude: “…….”
It worked, everybody laughed, afterwards we had a talk about it and I told him politely that being called darling was a hot button of mine, and that was the end of it.
If you call him on it and he quits, problem solved. If you call him on it and he keeps being an uncouth snot rag, move.
i’m pretty sure RAM’s letter is the funniest you’ve run.
@ #3 – Woman with the V.V. condition – I presume you’ve seen a gyno who specializes in that condition and that you’ve tried & exhausted all treatment possibilities, short of surgery? If the V.V. condition is not severe, application of Xylocaine may help facilitate the possibility of intercourse.
The advice to MUJ was mostly about how to please potential partners (and how to go get more advice). I was hoping Dan would talk to MUJ about varying the ways that he masturbates, to try to allow his future partners more likelihood of success in getting him off. That’s also likely to be important in building a long-term relationship with a woman.
Nocturnomath, I have vestibulitis as well, and I am happily married (four years; together seven). It has affected our sex life (of course), but I have found some treatments (estrogen cream topically every day, and lidocaine topically and hydrocodone before sex) that enable us to engage in vaginal intercourse. For a while, that wasn’t happening at all. Being able to talk openly about our sex life and do things other than vaginal intercourse has been key.
I recommend you talk to your doctors about treatment options other than surgery (since you apparently don’t want to go that route; neither do I) and get more opinions if you can. I found a pain specialist (anesthesiologist) approached the problem very differently than a gynecologist. Different gynecologists also have different approaches; I have also heard of physical therapists who work with people with vulvodynia.
I wish you well. I know it sucks. But it doesn’t mean a happy relationship, including a sex life (even if it’s without vaginal penetration), isn’t possible for you.
Mummification sounds super dangerous, or am I just not understanding it properly? Wrapping up someone’s face with saran wrap and duct tape? Sounds like it would have a serious risk of suffocation, even if you were careful.
@3 Nocturmath- I was diagnosed w/Vestibulitis. I would get into it, but it’s the comment section. Long story short, it was caused by being on the same low-dose birth control pills for 8 years. The severe hormonal imbalance gave me pre-menopausal symptoms (I was 23 when the symptoms started). Once I got off the pill, my sex life came back over 6 months. I highly recommend a hormone panel, if you see your doctor. Or, if you don’t have insurance like me, you could just go off the pill and use condoms responsibly.
Also, Dan, I know vaginas gross you out, but you should have a specialist on the show, or at least put a call out for one. There are quite a few ladies out there dealing with this and it blows!
@12: Tynan is correct when he says that mummification is extreme play, and you’re right, wrapping someone’s face can be dangerous. That’s why beginners should start where Tynan suggested, from the shoulders down. Most people I know, stop at the knees, and don’t even go down to the ankles, at least the first several times. If you want the sensory depravation of loss of sight and hearing etc, there are many bondage hoods made for this purpose, which also allow the bottom the breathe. No one I know who does mummification actually cuts off the bottom’s air supply, as one of the appeals of the process is the amount of time you can stay in the bondage once it’s done. There are ways to insure that the air passageways are not blocked by plastic or tape, if someone does progress to that stage, but knowledge and experience to do it safely are a requirement in any extreme fetish.
@BIAS: Many spas do something called a body wrap, which is very similar to mummification with different materials. You may try it in a non-sexual situation, and see if you get claustrophobic, before trying it with your boyfriend and getting his hopes up in a sexually charged atmosphere.
Messed Up Junk – do as Dan says! Go to that conference if at all you can. I bet it would be a life-changing experience for you.
BIAS – also good advice there. How awesome that your partner respects your limits. & again, good advice is given. Start small if this intrigues you; don’t do anything you’re really too freaked out by & have some good kinky fun.
But Dan, I totally disagree with what you said to RAM. His roommate sounds very conflicted, & conflicted guys – even hot, guys who seem like they wanna have cock online – might turn very confrontational if presented with evidence of their hypocrisy while RAM still lives there. I’m not saying don’t go for it – I’m just saying, having had some sketchy roommates, that RAM would do better to reveal what he knows, once he’s safely living somewhere else. Who knows? They could have a wild fun time. Or, the roomie could flip out & punch RAM, or worse. I’d feel way better about RAM’s odds of doing well in this encounter if he didn’t share a roof with the Xtube guy when he talked to him about it. RAM, only you know for sure, but this smacks of bad idea to me.
Nocturnomath: I’m certain you can find someone who’d happily be with you, even without vaginal penetration. Especially if you’re good with your mouth and/or fine with receiving anal. Unlimited oral and anal would be a dream come true for plenty of guys.
Or, there are lots of guys who’d rather be the penetrate-EE than the penetrator – so if you have a curiosity about pegging, things could work out very well indeed.
I know the stereotype is that PIV is the be-all and end-all…but that’s truly just a stereotype. The truth is that there are people with all kinds of preferences. You’ll find your match. 🙂
My addendum to RAM would be to decide whether or not to play the video based on the roommate’s reaction to his coming out/calling him on his homophobic remarks.
Because, I think he should be really careful to avoid making it seem like a threat. If his roommate were to interpret his confrontation as, “Hey, you better stop saying that or I’m going to show this video to EVERYONE,” things could turn ugly pretty fast.
RAM should enlist a friend. “If anything should happen to me, every social network connection you have will receive links to your videos and pics verifying that your tats are the same as those of the assgaper in said videos.”
I’ve actually never felt compelled to comment on this site before – despite my strong, inexplicable addiction to reading weird problems and Dan’s (usually) spot-on advice. Weird or not, I can find plenty of advice pertinent to my own problems in many of his answers to people’s questions. Even when I don’t agree with Dan, I’ve never felt I really needed to or should comment. I figured If I did, I’d just hack someone off and/or cause an argument anyway, because – well, because that’s just what happens on forums. No matter how carefully you weigh and choose your words – you will typically end up infuriating someone, who will then come at you in a rage of devastating berating, the sheer venom of which suggests that you…killed a unicorn. Or worse. Besides, I’m probably a dumb-ass who doesn’t know better advice to give anyway. After all, Dan has a newspaper column and a real website. I don’t have those things. Only a madman would think of giving them to me. So who am I to criticize?
But BE THAT AS IT MAY; seriously Dan – if (and I realize that’s a big “if” here) IF you ever peek at these comments whipped up by insomniac Sloggers (who really should be working on their thesis right now but screw it) – please consider the possibility that your advice to RAM was considerably off-base. Even if you were drunk, I’m finding it hard to believe that you could toss out that (and only that) advice for RAM’s particular question. Were you trying to be satirical and call out a probable troll? If so, you’re a genius – but I’m not and he’s probably not either, and frankly it’s too early in the morning for sorting out riddles of bloody irony. My head’s exploding just considering it. Good grief.
RAM carried a heavy troll-vibe for me (can you say literotica, read his letter again) so this probably doesn’t even matter. BUT. In the unlikely event that this dude is in earnest, his Xtube-roommate-buddy sounds like a very angry dude, a confused & frustrated (not to mention possibly-closeted) basket case, and a potential tormented lunatic. If nothing else, the Xtube-guy has a decent mean-streak through him; I don’t think anyone’s going to deny that. This being the case, the likelihood that Xtube would flip right the hell out on RAM if confronted (and, good chance, beat his ass) appears to far outweigh the alternative to my untrained eye. Old Xtube sounds like he could burst a few blood vessels just discovering that someone in his “real” life discovered his secret online escapades, let alone being smugly confronted with embarrassing hypocrisy and getting blatantly hit on by a roommate he didn’t even previously realize was gay. A psychologically sounder person would feel a bit unhinged getting smacked with that much lunacy at once. But Xtube? He’s like a character written specifically to go bananas in this scenario and lose control on RAM. I really wouldn’t risk this one if I were RAM. Homosexuality/homophobia/whatever-this-is are a really REALLY touchy issue to some guys (especially conflicted ones like Xtube), and the two people in question are currently living together – NOT a good time to stir up any strong emotions, really. If it were me, I guess I would come out to Xtube about my own orientation strictly within the context of demanding he stop his offensive jokes. But I wouldn’t breathe a word about the Internet findings OR the man-crush yet. Actually not ever, unless the subject somehow came up one day, and didn’t seem then like simply bait for me to get my ass kicked. Besides, Dan, aren’t you the one who’s always saying that guys with c*** fetishes usually AREN’T gay? Particularly the ones who only experience their fetish online, thus still anchored pretty firmly in the fantasy realm? Because from what I’ve studied, a majority falls into that category. So declaring Xtube gay based on just this detail seems rash. If RAM had seen him in the living room boning another dude, well that would be one thing. But he didn’t, and jumping to wild conclusions like you suggested invites some possible serious trouble. I mean, in a big way.
Ah, but the jerk was probably a troll anyway. I’ve read enough bad Internet erotica to pick out a textbook scenario. Frankly, the only thing missing here is the ballgag. But who knows anymore? Better safe than sorry.
Noctornomath-
Here’s another VV patient in a very happy relationship. Surgery shouldn’t be your only option. In a weird coincidence, my best friend and I both have VV (I think it’s way more common than anyone realizes). She got the surgery, I didn’t, and we both have happy results (she’s married, I may as well be). It can be hard searching around for a doctor who really knows what (s)he is talking about though. I’ve seen at least six or seven and only really felt like one understood. And don’t get too into the online forums about it — the only people there are the miserable ones who aren’t off living their happy lives, so the impression you get is that it’s not possible.
Good luck!
9 – xylocaine? really? the solution is to find a way for a guy to enjoy her when she can’t feel anything? not what it’s about, my friend.
Doesn’t RAM run the risk of his flatmate being a self-hating type who might get violent?
RAM, do NOT confront this guy while you’re still living there! He could destroy your stuff, physically attack you, or just generally make life miserable for you until you move out. Get out of there – THEN bring it up.
Also, the moment you do, he’ll probably delete his account and deny everything. Better to move out, come back over to hang, then tell him you’re gay and ask him where the homophobic comments are coming from. Engage him in conversation. Slowly, slowly lead to the XTube evidence; don’t give it up early.
@22
I’d shut up if you don’t know anything about VV. (if you do have a vaginal pain condition, I apologize).
Keep the faith MUJ. Sex is about *much* more than body parts. When there’s some connection or love, body parts, physical quirks, etc. fall by the wayside and, at the risk of sounding too new-agey, it becomes a spiritual/primitive thing. You may have a harder time finding someone, but you will find someone.
Thank you Mr. Savage. Once again you have made me laugh out loud.
@27 yeah. me too. lol. that’s one of the funniest things i’ve read in quiet awhile.
Great advice to MUJ. As an intersexed person, attending my first conference and meeting other women with the same condition I did was the most life changing event I could conceive of. It doesn’t make the challenges and problems go away, but it completely alters how you face them. Having someone to talk to that gets where you are coming from when you feel so isolated and marginalized is huge! It gets better! Good luck, MUJ!
I wanted to thank Dan for the response to Messed-Up Junk and to provide further encouragement. I only have one of the conditions, hypospadias, but it has not been a significant barrier. Through childhood corrective surgeries, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been but upon anything other than a cursory glance it was clear that my equipment “was not Normal.” Through lots of foreplay and oral I would make sure that it was easy for my ladyfriends to overlook.
While you have additional conditions, take heart from this: I had to have an additional, two part corrective survey as an adult to construct a new urethra after I suffered blockages, and part one involved a skin graft and my penis being butterflied like a pork chop. I was extremely fearful initially that my long term partner was not going to want any part of my deformed-for-a-year penis, but found that our relationship easily sustained the issue, including the lengthy period when I couldn’t use my penis at all. I guess I’m saying that it’s possible to meet the right partner to both give and receive pleasure regardless if any physical issues.
# 3 nocturnalmath: i worked at a pain clinic where one of our patients had the same condition as yours…she even gave a speech at a panel discussion with some of our other patients, and we admired her courage and knowledge…she was receiving help at our clinic without succombing to surgery..good luck
I wanted to thank Dan for the response to Messed-Up Junk and to provide further encouragement. I only have one of the conditions, hypospadias, but it has not been a significant barrier. Through childhood corrective surgeries, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been but upon anything other than a cursory glance it was clear that my equipment “was not Normal.” Through lots of foreplay and oral I would make sure that it was easy for my ladyfriends to overlook.
While you have additional conditions, take heart from this: I had to have an additional, two part corrective survey as an adult to construct a new urethra after I suffered blockages, and part one involved a skin graft and my penis being butterflied like a pork chop. I was extremely fearful initially that my long term partner was not going to want any part of my deformed-for-a-year penis, but found that our relationship easily sustained the issue, including the lengthy period when I couldn’t use my penis at all. I guess I’m saying that it’s possible to meet the right partner to both give and receive pleasure regardless if any physical issues.
BIAS,
Talk with your boyfriend about your kinks. Don’t text. You might find out that what he wants is not nearly as extreme as the stuff you’ve seen online.
@3 Speaking as a straight man with no conditions which prevent “normal” PIV sex, I just don’t care much about penetration. I would not see the condition you mentioned as a serious impediment to pursuing a sexual relationship with someone I was attracted to, not at all.
I’m probably not typical, but I’m not that unusual, either. There are plenty of guys out there who will accept you as you are.
I’m with those who warned not to confront roommate with the video evidence, until he’s a roommate no longer.
When I read Dan’s advice, I immediately flashed on the possibility of violence occurring.
Anyone that crazily in the closet, may not be all there, as well as feeling threatened by his own desires.
I’d recommend calling him on his bullshit in a public place, preferably a public place with security guards somewhere nearby.
(For instance, our public library has security guards, although in a pretty nice little city, and a cafe in the courtyard. And I’ve used it for meeting strangers for business, rather than my home office.)
If not for the potential of violence, I’d say Starbucks, but who’s going to stop crazy shit roommate if he goes ballistic? A barista?
RAM – Additionally, leave the cameras on and send Dan a link to the channel to share.
To the people worried about the roommate being violently homophobic… Possible, for sure. At the same time, the roommate has not yet been uncomfortable enough to want to move out, and in fact seems to not be a big deal to RAM. Now, I’m assuming they are both on the younger side, but I know plenty of gay men who will occasionally make homophobic remarks, particularly older ones. It happens when these types of comments are so prevalent in society, sometimes you grow up with certain views, and being gay yourself doesn’t stop you from commenting on people who are, you know, GAY gay.
I disagree with the advice to RAM. On the next homophobic comment, I’d do the “I’m gay and I don’t appreciate it,” part and leave it there. If the guy doesn’t cut it out, past time to find a new roommate.
I’d worry about the potential for violence in a more direct confrontation. But if I *had* to point out that I knew about his tapes, I think it would be more than enough to mention the “body work” as opposed to actually playing a tape.
I’m wondering how homophobic the comments were? Was he just saying “oh that’s so gay”, making fun of one of the flaming narcissists on the Style channel, or are we talking about seriously hateful comments?
I’m not making excuses for the guy, but knowing where his comments fall on the spectrum would shed some light on the situation.
Could RAM find a way to engage the roommate online in an anonymous way, say as a fan of his work? Then over time, drop clues to his identity only the roommate would get until there is an “I know you know I know” scenario going on and then presto, super hot man sex ensues…
uhh, I have to go be alone now…
Does no one have a problem with RAM’s not telling his roommate he’s gay? I’m a gay man and I would want to know, gay or straight or otherwise, who I’m living with. To my mind, two closet cases have found each other. No?
Mummification? Um. No. “Nevah-nevah-nevah!”
I REALLY hope we get a follow-up letter from RAM. I want to know how it all goes down!
@3 I had the same condition and I never had to go through surgery. My Ob/Gyn did recommend surgery (removing my hymen), but I didn’t do it. I went to pelvic physiotherapy and it has helped me immensely. I can have painless sex and I know how to fix the problem myself if it comes back through muscle exercises and stretches. I would strongly recomment you look into physio first. Ask your gynecologist for a referral to a physiotherapist who deals specifically with pelvic issues and if that gynecologist can’t help you, try finding someone else.
For me it’s the rather wide distance betwen homophobic commentary and the nature of his “bedroom activity” which he *has* to know will be constructed accordingly. That’s a mighty big river there, that I wonder would go off.
It might not. But I’d still do part A first to see what happens, rather than the whole hog Dan recommended.
Dear Dan, can we PLEASE hear about it if RAM ever tells you how that conversation went? In fact, I think this is too good a story to let it pass… I’m already laughing my ass off at the prospect, and humour is so rare in your column as of late. You should totally check with him.
I’ve just gotta add, though I’m sure a bunch of SL readers will jump on me for being a party pooper:
Considering the plague of disposable plastic choking our planet, wrapping bodies in Saran wrap for sex play seems like an awfully wasteful thing to do.
Is there an eco-friendly alternative?
I’ve just gotta add, though I’m sure a bunch of SL readers will jump on me for being a party pooper:
Considering the plague of disposable plastic choking our planet, wrapping bodies in Saran wrap for sex play seems like an awfully wasteful thing to do.
Is there an eco-friendly alternative?
Maybe the roommate should contact big hole first through xtube.
@46 Perhaps reusable ace bandages?
MUJ: All the best to you. I hope it works out–there’s someone for you.
Re: BIAS & @46: I don’t do this myself, but how about light weight scarves?At least they’re washable and colorful.
Hmmm.. yeah. RAM, I’m with @23 & @24: maybe it’s best if you’re not living with this guy when and if you bring up the anal porn / homophobic comments.
Thanks for another great column, Dan!
i’m a queer female who mostly sleeps w/ woman. i’m totally attracted to men physically, but don’t really wanna date them AND i don’t really like a lot of penetration. so I’d LOVE to have a one night stand with MUJ or someone like him! a micropenis sounds like it would feel great to me–and i’d totally be down for oral (in both directions), which i wouldn’t at all on a full-sized dick.
I’m adding my plea for a column about women who find vaginal intercourse painful! I’ve suffered my whole life and have met with nothing but derision from doctors. I thought I was a freak. Not long ago, by sheer accident, I found out about VV was was astonished to learn that up to 15% of women find penetration painful.