I recently discovered,
accidentally, while moving things out of my 16-year-old son’s room
prior to a renovation, a cache of my sex toys that had mysteriously
disappeared over the past year. While I’ve wondered how it was possible
to misplace a glow-in-the-dark crucifix-shaped dildo (complete with
Jesus in relief), it never dawned on me that it might be an inside
job.

This raises several issues. There’s the
you-stole-my-stuff problem, with responses available from the full
range of the passive-aggressive scale. But the nature of the swag
complicates matters. I kind of need to know whether he took them to
snicker over with his friends or whether he has used them. I’m dead
certain if he’s used my insertables, that he did so without putting
condoms on them first.

So it seems I need to force the
you-stole-my-stuff conversation in order to have the safe-toy-use
conversation. Suggestions?

Discomfited Aged Deviant

You’re gonna have to have a long talk with
the little shit, DAD.

First, apologize for
snooping—accidentally, of course, during “a renovation.” Uh-huh.
Then bring up the sex toys. Be matter-of-fact about it, DAD, but firm
enough to communicate a sense of violation: He violated your privacy
and your glow-in-the-dark crucifix-shaped dildo, a sex toy that was
consecrated to your orifice(s) and your orifice(s) alone. (“Your
orifice(s)” refers to your own personal orifice, DAD, as well as the
orifices of your chosen sex partners, a position that is not—one
hopes—open to your 16-year-old son.) Don’t let on that you’re
embarrassed, even if you are—force a smile, if you can.

Then turn the tables on your son and
embarrass the shit out of the little shit: Ask him if he was
penetrating himself with your crucidildo, and ask him if he has any
questions about sex toys in general or butt toys in particular. He’ll
insist that he wasn’t sticking that thing in his
ass—although we both know he was—because he’ll want to end
this conversation as quickly as possible. Your job, DAD, is to drag…
this… talk… out… to achieve maximum mortification.

Tell him that you’re aware that he might be
too shy to admit to using butt toys or to ask for info about the proper
use of butt toys, so… you’re going to walk him through butt-toy
safety and etiquette just to be on the safe side. Then explain it all
to him. Tell him about the importance of using lots of lube, of washing
sex toys with hot water and a little soap after each use, of putting
condoms over them for safety’s sake—and tell him about how one
preps an orifice to accept a glow-in-the-dark crucifix (and just how
many “Our Fathers” one has to say for penance after doing such a
thing). Conclude by pointing out that sex toys aren’t something people
share (particularly with their parents), so the one you’d been using,
the one he stole and used himself, is going to have to be deconsecrated
now, i.e., disposed of. Then offer to get him one of his own and a
bottle of lube.

The point is to make him feel bad for
invading your privacy and swiping your stuff, DAD, but not for whatever
it was he might have done with your stuff. A nice long talk about butt
toys—safe use, storage, ethical procurement—will make him
realize that violating your privacy and stealing your sex toys invites
conversations that he doesn’t want to have with his dad.

My wife of three years has a
problem with me masturbating. At one point, we made a deal that I
wouldn’t do it while she’s in the house. That would be just fine with
me, except that she is rarely out of the house without me. Our sex is
really, really great, but I’m pretty horny and I like to masturbate
once in a while. She says that she feels like I’m cheating on her.
About a year ago, I DID cheat on her—yes, I’m an idiot—and
maybe this is my punishment, but I’ve always needed to masturbate a
lot. I do it to relieve stress and sometimes just because I get horny
and I want to stop being horny in a minute or two so that I can
concentrate on something else. This just doesn’t have very much to do
with her, and I feel stupid trying to justify myself to her on this
matter. How do you think I should resolve this situation?

Jerk Off

When someone you love is irrational and
controlling about some aspect of your private life that doesn’t involve
or affect her—say, your masturbatory routine, JO—you have
two options.

First, you can waste a lot of time and
energy trying to talk her out of being irrational and controlling and
idiotic. That approach is unlikely to make things better, and it could
make matters worse: “Gee, you must really love to beat off without me
around, seeing as you’re really going to the mat for this.”

Your second, and far superior, option is to
tell her what she wants to hear—”For you, I won’t
masturbate”—and then beat off when you want to or when you need
to and lie about it. Beat off on the kitchen table when she’s out of
the house; slip away for 10 minutes to take a “crap” or a “nap” when
she’s home. So long as you’re an attentive lover and you’re not
neglecting her needs, and so long as you’re not inconsiderately leaving
evidence all over the place (wash out your own crusty come socks), feel
free to work around her irrationality with a little harmless
deceit.

I dislike a lot of things about your column: I disagree with your stance on religion and I’m
against homosexual marriage. But I love reading your column: It’s like
a car wreck—I have to look. So I have a question for you.

I am a 32-year-old heterosexual married man.
My wife and I have a great sex life. We have been married just over a
year. She is pretty open to just about anything, except ONE thing: When
she is blowing me, sometimes instead of coming in her mouth, I want to
come all over her face. She finds that repulsive. She normally has no
problem with swallowing my come or letting me come on her chest. But
for some reason, the face just creeps her out. She says it’s degrading.
Now, I cannot for the life of me understand how unloading on her face
is any more degrading than coming in her mouth or on her chest.

Any advice?

Facials Are Causing Embarrassment

Sorry, FACE, but your wife is correct:
Facials are degrading—and that’s why they’re so hot. Now,
I would normally arm a married man in your predicament with some killer
talking points guaranteed to convince his wife to let him blow a load
on her face, FACE, but… I’m not going to help you out. While being
denied a little sex advice doesn’t compare to being denied the right to
wed, I reserve the right to discriminate against straight married
assholes who support discrimination against me.

Now, if there’s a married straight man out
there who supports marriage equality and wants some advice on talking
the wife into facials, I would be more than happy to share my surefire,
fail-proof, 100-percent-guaranteed pro-facial arguments with
you. And if you’re a justice on the Iowa State Supreme
Court—which last week ruled unanimously in favor of marriage
equality for same-sex couples—I’ll toss in a free phone
consultation.

mail@savagelove.net

260 replies on “Savage Love”

  1. oh yes, there are crucifix shaped dildos. having recently (this weekend) just visited sexapalooza, there are a raft of random, sometimes completely wrong shaped dildos available.

    (wrong shape meaning i see no way for either sex to actually get PLEASURE from these. a starfish? ouch, dammit.)

    all three letters got spot on advice dan – especially FACE. were someone to admit that they’ve been actively, and successfully attempting to deny me a right, then ask me advice on something, they’d get much the same response.

  2. FACE: Really, you shouldn’t worry about shooting your load all over your wife’s face because you shouldn’t be engaging in sodomy (Merriam-Webster definition: anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex), as it is a sinful activity that will surely send you straight to the fiery pits of hell. Of course, you may be typical of those on the religious right who pick and choose their mortal sins, but I think that makes your ilk even more reprehensible.

    You’re just as kinky as the next guy, FACE, but you think it’s o.k. for you because you’re married to a good Christian woman. But you aren’t a sinner because you are opposed to gay marriage. Hell, you probably even agree with the blessed Pope’s recent murderous tirade refuting the scientifically irrefutable value of condoms in HIV prevention. Turns my stomach. Sorry, but I don’t have much sympathy for you.

  3. I know that letters are shortened but how did you know that the toys belonged to Dad and not MOM did I miss a gender reference ???

  4. It may be a gay thing, but I prefer swallowing my partners cum. Although sometimes if I’m sucking on his balls, I’ll let him come all over my face….. maybe I’m just too lazy to move back up to his cock.

    And as for masturbating? We both like to do it to porn…. together and alone.

    To quote another one from Woody Allen, “Masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.”

  5. @anonymous
    What, pray tell, is a “gunt”?
    Call it quaint (or academic), but I subscribe to the ideal where one can passionately disagree with someone’s ideas without actually hating the person. You may already know this, but hurling personal insults is not a very effective way to persuade those who do not already agree with you.

    @ace
    On reflection, you are right. The “car wreck” pushed it over the top. If FACE had ended on a flattering note, though, the overall tone would have been different. Still, I stand by my original position that Mr. Savage’s decision to run the letter and give that response was childish. “I know the ultimate technique but I am not telling, because FACE is mean” is … disappointing.

    @Still hatin’ the haters
    Sadly, nearly everything is politicized these days (it does not have to be that way, though). I have no objections to Mr. Savage’s columns that have political implications (e.g. telling a man to cheat on his wife). Rather, it is when he interrupts the advice to comment on some unrelated political issue (e.g. some candidate or ballot measure) that it gets unnecessarily political.

    I am not particularly interested in debating the merits of same-sex marriage here. Anything short of full support, by any means necessary, as quickly as possible is bound to be immensely unpopular here. I am sure my own relatively neutral stance will please no one. Rather, I object to the responses that anyone who disagrees is hateful, stupid, or crazy. Is this really any different from religious fundamentalists who believe anyone who disagrees is evil?

  7. Ugh, I cannot believe the advice to DAD. In my opinion it is sexual abuse to make your kids listen to you talk about your own sex life or your own sex toys against their will. Too creepy and incestuous for words. Yes every parent should make sure their kids have good information about sex and safety, but for god’s sake print it out so he can READ it, don’t try to walk him through it verbally. He’ll likely be so embarrassed he won’t be listening anyway. Confront the kid about stealing the dildo, sure. That’s embarrassment enough. Draw out a long and graphic conversation about his/your masturbatory life? Nuh uh. Bad Dan.

  8. Woohoo you tell FACE off Dan, love it! Who the hell does that jerk think he is (love your column but dislike a lot about it, disagree with you wanting to be happy with your partner and have rights, etc…and oh could you help me with a sex prob?) Go F yourself FACE jeez…

  9. For those who might really believe Dan knows a surefire way to get a woman to let a man come on her face…I assure you he does not. Furthermore, I assure you Dan does not actually think he knows such a technique, because Dan is too smart for that. He is just taunting the letter writer (you want the candy? I have the candy and you can’t have it!) and being entertaining.

    And anyone who knows Dan, knows that Dan printed the last letter precisely because it gives him an opportunity to make a political point while still talking about something sexy like facials. The moral of the day kids is that those who are societally privileged and see nothing wrong with denying others that privilege have no right to ask favors from the ones they oppress.

  10. Wow Dan. What the hell is wrong with you this week? Normally, Dan, your advice totally rocks. Is this a belated April Fools column this week? Your advice is just plain BAD. That would be “BAD” as in dreadful, wrong and to be, hopefully, ignored.

    Re DAD: This is a conversation you are not going to enjoy and which will hang like a cloud over your relationship with your son for a long time. That’s a long time as in: “for YEARS”. So here’s the way out: DO NOTHING. Pretend it never happened and let it slide. He’s too young to buy ‘em on his own – he’s not going to be in a position to steal somebody else’s, (probably ever) and there is very little to be gained here by way of a safe sex discussion, either, that he is not going to be exposed to on the Internet over and over again. He knows DAD – he just figures his Dad is safe. There are discussions Fathers and sons can have about sex that may be beneficial to their relationship. Anal toys is not going to be one of those discussions. PLEASE Do yourself and your son a favour and PLEASE ignore Dan’s advice. PLEASE. Let this slide and put ‘em back where the thief stole ‘em and never raise the issue. Let it go.

    Re JERK OFF: Let’s get this part right out in the open. Your wife is a jealous bitch and she’s WAY over the line here. What’s really going on is that she’s not upset about you masturbating; she’s upset about the thought of you masturbating and *thinking of someone else*. So if you want to fix this – I suggest you go to the source. Next time you are having sex…stop. Don’t come in her. Back off and masturbate for several minutes with her right there with you. Tell her, either then or later, how when you jerk off, you are *always* thinking of her; how you always have this fantasy about coming on her tits and her pretty face. Make her think this is a hugely hot fantasy of yours you have lusted over for *years* and her face plays the starring role. She may say yes. If so, go for it and hotly whisper its praises for weeks. Wash rinse and repeat this event several times. If she says no – you still win. That way, she’ll be thinking you are jerking off fantasizing about coming on her face. THEN you can take Dan’s advice and do it anyway – and she’s far less likely to care when she suspects you are and may get comfortable with the idea, generally, if she allows herself to believe the lie you are thinking about her as you do it.

    FACE: I don’t like your politics much either and the Sadist in me wants to ensure that you don’t enjoy a facial, ever.

    The decent man in me, however, needs to object to facials being characterized as degrading, per se. Screw you Dan Savage. No they aren’t. I’ve been into D/s for over 23 years. I have done DOZENS of things intended to humiliate a submissive. But I don’t come on a girls’ face to degrade her or as humiliation play or as a power game – ever. I’m a straight male and I happen to think that a woman’s face is beautiful. It’s sexy. Like her ass, her breasts or her pussy. It excites me to come on all three of those areas and the face is no different. In many ways – it’s much better because it’s far more personal and intimate.

    So FACE, explain to your wife this isn’t about humiliation, it’s about the fact that you find her so god damned pretty it excites you. Just how she LOOKS makes you hard as a rock. Explain that watching her eyes at the time you do this forms an intimate connection that you want and have fantasized over for years.

    And after all of this, if she still says no, well, you can always get together with Jerk Off and compare notes.

  13. Take your head out of your ass, TWJ. It’s neither “quaint” nor “academic” to puff yourself up like a rancid melon in self-congratulation over your fence-perching on the gay marriage issue.

    This is what your arrogant “neutral” attitude looks like to anyone with half a brain: a group of bullies at a school are deliberately preventing a small, quiet kid from talking to other kids and making friends at recess. Some teachers say the bullying is good, because little Joey needs to learn to be tough like the bullies. Some are saying it is bad, because little Joey has a right to play with his other classmates without being bullied. And along comes your brilliant ass down the middle of the road, suggesting that while perhaps the bullies are imposing on little Joey’s right to associate freely, in a way little Joey is the one trying to forcefully impose *his* will to have a normal social life on the bullies’ legitimate belief that little Joey should not have friends. When you think about it *logically,* little Joey is just as mean and uncompromising as the bullies! Little Joey should try to look at it from the bullies’ perspective and try to understand why some people might feel differently than Joey does about his “right” to *force* other people to let him make friends.

    Sheesh. Seriously, does that little illustration give you any idea of how much of a *cunt* (with a C, just like you like it!) you look when you try to claim the high ground with your inane false equivalencies?

  16. The first letter sounds like a neoconservative fetish fantasy to me. The dad with the glow-in-the-dark crucifix dildo found out his son swiped it? Right.

    I agree with Clarity’s advice over Dan’s. Recommending deceit as a solution to a sensitive problem is not going to go a long way toward sustaining their relationship.

  17. TWJ: “From what I have read, both sides feel that the other is imposing its values, feel under attack, and are quite passionate about the subject. . . It seems that despite the differences, FACE was reaching across the aisle. Given his question, I would hazard a guess that he is not a puritan.”

    I realize that conservative straights who are opposed to same-sex marriage love to CLAIM that gays, lesbians and libertarian straights who support it are “imposing their values” on the conservative straights. Or, in some cases, perhaps they actually feel that way. But their claims or feelings don’t equate to reality. The reality is that those who support same-sex marriage aren’t attempting to prevent different-sex marriage while many people who support different-sex marriage ARE trying — feverishly so — to prevent same-sex marriage. Only the anti-same-sex marriage side is trying to impose their values on the other side. That’s the fundamental difference.

    FACE may very not be a puritan in the sense of only liking plain vanilla, missionary sex. But not being a puritan in bed doesn’t mean you’re going to be open-minded about sexuality in general.
    ____________________________

    Gloria: “Touche. I know it’s rare, but I don’t want to believe it. It didn’t take much for me to do it (just Dan’s preaching, and a bit of common sense) so I fail to understand why so many women hate it or refuse to do it. (1) It’s really, really not so bad that any adult woman can’t teach herself to be OK with it and (2) I’d find it deeply hurtful if my boyfriend ran to the bathroom sputtering and spitting every time after going down on me.”

    Merci for the Touche. Regarding #2, I do think there’s a big difference between a man coming in a woman’s mouth and a woman coming while a man’s going down on her. Unless a woman is one of the rare ones who ejaculates (they do exist; I’ve been with one…and I loved it!) a guy isn’t going to have his mouth flooded with bodily fluids that he has to either swallow or spit out.

    However, I completely agree with you about #1 (and bravo to you for being willing to do it.) Like you, I fail to understand why so many women hate it or refuse to do it. If I was a woman, I’d definitely do it for my man, as long as he did what I wanted to do. And I love drinking in as much as I can from a woman when she comes. It’s incredibily erotic.

  19. To Jerk Off: Make a deal with your wife. You won’t masturbate while she’s in the house, if she’ll give you (at least) a hand job whenever you want one.
    She keeps the deal, you get equivalent “action”, and she doesn’t feel cheated on. She breaks the deal (or releases you from it because she’s sick of being pestered [g]), you can wank in the house with a clear conscience.
    Though, in either case, cleanup is your responsibility, I’d say.

  20. come on, dan, your snarky self is great, but honestly, telling the guy to lie about masturbating? he’ll get caught, the relationship will be screwed. Also, I do think lying is good sometimes, but for something as stupid as this-either she just needs to deal or he has a real problem. Either way, lying doesn’t help.

  21. “While I’ve wondered how it was possible to misplace a glow-in-the-dark crucifix-shaped dildo (complete with Jesus in relief), it never dawned on me that it might be an inside job.”

    What did he think–that someone was breaking into his house and taking his sex toys? Or has he had a parade of lovers whom he thought had been taking them as souvenirs?

    To the people hoping Dan will spill the details about techniques for taking a woman into accepting a facewash: I sincerely doubt Dan knows how to convince a woman to cave in, because if a woman is repulsed by the idea, she probably won’t change her mind about it.

    Even if he does know something that might work, though, you’ll have to email him and request more details. As far as anyone knows, he doesn’t read these comments.

    This is my favorite column that Dan’s written in quite some time.

    I don’t think the whole United States will have granted gays the right to marry each other within the next few years, unless a case lands in front of an amenable Supreme Court. I do think it’s likely to happen within the next twenty years or so, though, as the old fogies start dying off, and the younger, more accepting generations start getting elected to higher office.

    In the meantime, Dan can go on about the issue as much as he wants, as long as he doesn’t stop giving out rocking sex advice. If you don’t like his political rants, skip ’em already!

  22. Ok, so I stole my mom’s vibrator as a young teen.

    As a teenager, I didn’t think of my parents as sexual people. It barely occured to me that she might notice it was gone. After all, I’d never seen her use this “body” massager, and I thought myself so sly in my plans to use such a common household item as an orgasm aid.

    That my mom might also wish to use it as an orgasm aid really hadn’t crossed my mind until she found it tucked next to my bed and asked me about it.

    I was mortified. I gave her a hurried answer and promptly ducked the subject. And that was all it took for me to be aware that such things taken might be missed.

    I washed it, put it back where I had found it, and used my paper route money to go get my own “body” massager from the local drug store.

  23. If I were DAD, I’d just clip this column and leave it on his son’s dinner plate…

    JO – I feel so sorry for you…

    FACE – perhaps you should volunteer to give some head and let the guy give you a facial… then let’s see how you feel about the subject…

    Iowa and Vermont… Way to go!

  24. Dan!!

    Once again, you ROCK AGAIN!

    Direct bullseye advice for DAD, and kudos, too, for your right-on answer to FACE.

    I love your column!

  25. To FACE: Maybe the bible can help you. God didn’t give us the bible just for persecuting gays, you know. There’s plenty in there about wives doing whatever we tell them. If you can’t find anything specific about blowing a load on the Mrs., at least you have Paul saying “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” Read that to your disobedient wife, and explain that she can’t enter the kingdom of heaven without your semen on her face.

  28. JO – The wife is still tender about your affair. You blew it. Her confidence is shot – it will take time. If you lie to her and get caught, you’re really up the creek. How important is she to you? Something to think about.

  29. The wife who is controlling her man’s masturbation needs a friggin’ reality check. Masturbation is NOT cheating. It does relieve stress and it does relieve horniness. It’s her problem, not his.

  30. For the last guy:

    Tell your wife to close her eyes when you come so she won’t get sperm in them. And for pity’s sake, don’t get sperm up her nose or she won’t be able to breathe.

  31. I may be going out on a limb here, but I think it’s possible the kid stole his dad’s dildo not to use it on himself, but because he’s grossed out that his dad is using it, and stealing it will somehow prevent his dad from getting anal pleasure.

    This would mean, of course, that the subsequent talk the dad needs to have with his son would involve either coming out to him, or explaining the concept of pegging. Good luck.

  32. For anyone who still thinks FACE was trying to pay Dan a compliment, here’s how that would have looked:

    “I disagree with your stance on religion and I’m against homosexual marriage. But I love reading your column: You give fantastic advice.”

    Notice the subtle difference there?

  33. Great response to FACE! Was unaware you had a stance toward religion other than “whatever, as long as it doesn’t infringe on my rights”. We’d be so much better off if everyone had this stance.

  34. Bad Advice to JO. Why does it either have to be lying or asking permission? To me, masturbation is out of bounds as for as activities that parners get to grant permission for-it’s a part of one’s own personal sexuality. I think it would be better to tell her honestly that she can’t control that part of your life and keep doing it. Explain to her that it’s not about her, that you need to do it and if that doesn’t make her feel any better about it, tell her that’s too bad because there are some aspects of a partner’s life that one has no right to control no matter how they feel. She might be mad, but that is so much better than deceit.

  35. A glow-in-the-dark-with-attached-Jesus butt toy? Bullshit. Either you or your letter writer added that anti-Christian “detail” as a cheap swipe at what you describe as right wing bigots. (Other than that – excellent advice). Dan, you are a left wing bigot, and you differ not a whit from the right wing variety: sure in the righteousness of your beliefs, it is OK to slander and slam the “other”. I say a big “fuck you” to both left AND right wing bigots.

  36. What about the great state of VT, Dan? A sufficient number of our lawmakers listened to the will of the people, and overturned that conservative homophobe Jim Douglas’ veto against same-sex marriage … in case you missed it.

  37. @jade

    I’m not quite willing to quit my job, move to the wilderness and forsake all wants and desires just yet.

    Otherwise, gonna have stress. Hippie new age touchy-feely methods work for some people, wacking off while taking a shot and smoking a cigarette work for others.

  38. I have to disagree Dan on one point here. Facials are not degrading. For me they are a compliment, a way of telling my partner that she is pretty and lovable. I can think of no more clear way to express this to her than a nice facial. Fortunately I am married to a woman who agrees with me.

    If facials were about degradation I’d find them nauseous. Any quality facial is about quite the opposite.

  39. I’m a wife who doesn’t think facials are degrading. As long as he can aim well enough to keep it out of my hair and eyes, he can blow on my face all he wants.

  40. RE: Not a bigot

    Perhaps Dan threw a little humorous detail into the mix to make the story more interesting. And maybe he did it to take a dig at religious zealots, but he has every right to do so. His actions are in self defense. You see, there is one enormous difference between Dan’s “righteousness” and that of the religious right. All Dan wants is to be left the hell alone to live his life in peace, to raise his kid, and to marry the person he loves. Unlike the religious right, he’s not encouraging discrimination against anyone. He’s not trying to deny the rights of marriage and parenthood to right-wing nutjobs. He’s not condemning anyone for their sexual practices or lifestyles, but only for their hypocrisy and needless meddling. Dan is not a bigot because, unlike those on the religious right, he is not hurting anyone. But no one can blame him for his righteous anger at a group that demonizes him and all other gays and lesbians.

    I’ve been reading Dan’s column for almost 15 years, and even though I no longer live in Seattle or hang out on Broadway, and am a married mother with a professional career, I still take a break every Wednesday to read his new post online. I love him for his sharp wit, humorous writing, and his tremendous nerve. He’s not afraid to tell the truth, and I believe he is a champion in the gay-rights movement. I also believe that all decent people, be they straight or gay, have an obligation to respect each other, to work protect each other’s rights, and to tolerate our differences. Dan does this with panache. The religious right works to do the opposite, and attempts to justify its bigotry by evoking god. Dan ain’t no bigot, and all I can say is “you go, Dan.”

  45. Dan, I LOVE YOU!!! I love how you told off that homophobic jerk! You give the best advice and have expanded my way of thinking about relationships, love, and sex. You’re awesome!

  46. How is Dan’s response to FACE any different from the poor, oppressed doctors who don’t want to be forced to treat patients that disagree with their beliefs?

    Oh, that’s right, Dan didn’t swear a sacred oath to help all those who need it.

  47. Oh, TWJ, you sad little moronic faux-logic-wielding bigot. You wrote, “Rather, I object to the responses that anyone who disagrees is hateful, stupid, or crazy. Is this really any different from religious fundamentalists who believe anyone who disagrees is evil?”

    Uh, is there a difference between the enslaved and the slave-owners/slave-traders? D-uh, I dunno!

    Let’s spell it out. In this “debate” (qmarks because we shouldn’t be spending even half a breath on this topic about the most fundamental human right: whom we love), one set wants rights for everyone; one set wants rights for only a select handful. The latter stance is hateful, and hate springs from a wounded or unbalanced psyche. So yes, the openminded are entirely justified in labeling your pathology.

    And an FYI to respondents of your ilk: There’s no such thing as a left-wing bigot — can’t be, given the definition of “left-wing.” Do feel free to use the tired “left-wing extremist” label, since your kind thinks that equal rights for all is an extreme position, but an openminded person who wants freedom for everyone isn’t a bigot. And responding angrily to a rights-denying bigot about his bigotry isn’t at all the same thing as *being* a bigot. (See above, enslaved vs. enslaving — world o’ difference.)

    T[aunting]W[ounded]J[erk], you write in complete sentences, so you’re bright/educated enough to know all of this. Since intelligence/education isn’t the issue, puniness of psyche/spirit is; a good therapist and a good (truly good/divine) spiritual leader can help you connect with your full personhood. Really! And *don’t* *worry* — you don’t actually have to become gay or black or Jewish or a woman in order to support equal rights for all those undesirables.

  48. So FACE wants advice on how to committ sodomy? Isn’t that his problem with gay marriage? Why should the state recognize his sodomous relationship, but not those of gay people? Isn’t he only contributing to the downfall of civilization by severing the link between marriage and procreation?

  49. Good column, as always.
    For Face: I’m betting you only want it because she doesn’t, hence the appeal of it. It *is* degrading. Now, while that’s hot in a ‘not gonna think about it after the load is blown’ way, to her it’d apparantly be a much bigger deal, so…be happy this is the only ‘problem’ you have in your sex life.

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