I recently discovered,
accidentally, while moving things out of my 16-year-old son’s room
prior to a renovation, a cache of my sex toys that had mysteriously
disappeared over the past year. While I’ve wondered how it was possible
to misplace a glow-in-the-dark crucifix-shaped dildo (complete with
Jesus in relief), it never dawned on me that it might be an inside
job.
This raises several issues. There’s the
you-stole-my-stuff problem, with responses available from the full
range of the passive-aggressive scale. But the nature of the swag
complicates matters. I kind of need to know whether he took them to
snicker over with his friends or whether he has used them. I’m dead
certain if he’s used my insertables, that he did so without putting
condoms on them first.
So it seems I need to force the
you-stole-my-stuff conversation in order to have the safe-toy-use
conversation. Suggestions?
Discomfited Aged Deviant
You’re gonna have to have a long talk with
the little shit, DAD.
First, apologize for
snooping—accidentally, of course, during “a renovation.” Uh-huh.
Then bring up the sex toys. Be matter-of-fact about it, DAD, but firm
enough to communicate a sense of violation: He violated your privacy
and your glow-in-the-dark crucifix-shaped dildo, a sex toy that was
consecrated to your orifice(s) and your orifice(s) alone. (“Your
orifice(s)” refers to your own personal orifice, DAD, as well as the
orifices of your chosen sex partners, a position that is not—one
hopes—open to your 16-year-old son.) Don’t let on that you’re
embarrassed, even if you are—force a smile, if you can.
Then turn the tables on your son and
embarrass the shit out of the little shit: Ask him if he was
penetrating himself with your crucidildo, and ask him if he has any
questions about sex toys in general or butt toys in particular. He’ll
insist that he wasn’t sticking that thing in his
ass—although we both know he was—because he’ll want to end
this conversation as quickly as possible. Your job, DAD, is to drag…
this… talk… out… to achieve maximum mortification.
Tell him that you’re aware that he might be
too shy to admit to using butt toys or to ask for info about the proper
use of butt toys, so… you’re going to walk him through butt-toy
safety and etiquette just to be on the safe side. Then explain it all
to him. Tell him about the importance of using lots of lube, of washing
sex toys with hot water and a little soap after each use, of putting
condoms over them for safety’s sake—and tell him about how one
preps an orifice to accept a glow-in-the-dark crucifix (and just how
many “Our Fathers” one has to say for penance after doing such a
thing). Conclude by pointing out that sex toys aren’t something people
share (particularly with their parents), so the one you’d been using,
the one he stole and used himself, is going to have to be deconsecrated
now, i.e., disposed of. Then offer to get him one of his own and a
bottle of lube.
The point is to make him feel bad for
invading your privacy and swiping your stuff, DAD, but not for whatever
it was he might have done with your stuff. A nice long talk about butt
toys—safe use, storage, ethical procurement—will make him
realize that violating your privacy and stealing your sex toys invites
conversations that he doesn’t want to have with his dad.
My wife of three years has a
problem with me masturbating. At one point, we made a deal that I
wouldn’t do it while she’s in the house. That would be just fine with
me, except that she is rarely out of the house without me. Our sex is
really, really great, but I’m pretty horny and I like to masturbate
once in a while. She says that she feels like I’m cheating on her.
About a year ago, I DID cheat on her—yes, I’m an idiot—and
maybe this is my punishment, but I’ve always needed to masturbate a
lot. I do it to relieve stress and sometimes just because I get horny
and I want to stop being horny in a minute or two so that I can
concentrate on something else. This just doesn’t have very much to do
with her, and I feel stupid trying to justify myself to her on this
matter. How do you think I should resolve this situation?
Jerk Off
When someone you love is irrational and
controlling about some aspect of your private life that doesn’t involve
or affect her—say, your masturbatory routine, JO—you have
two options.
First, you can waste a lot of time and
energy trying to talk her out of being irrational and controlling and
idiotic. That approach is unlikely to make things better, and it could
make matters worse: “Gee, you must really love to beat off without me
around, seeing as you’re really going to the mat for this.”
Your second, and far superior, option is to
tell her what she wants to hear—”For you, I won’t
masturbate”—and then beat off when you want to or when you need
to and lie about it. Beat off on the kitchen table when she’s out of
the house; slip away for 10 minutes to take a “crap” or a “nap” when
she’s home. So long as you’re an attentive lover and you’re not
neglecting her needs, and so long as you’re not inconsiderately leaving
evidence all over the place (wash out your own crusty come socks), feel
free to work around her irrationality with a little harmless
deceit.
I dislike a lot of things about your column: I disagree with your stance on religion and I’m
against homosexual marriage. But I love reading your column: It’s like
a car wreck—I have to look. So I have a question for you.
I am a 32-year-old heterosexual married man.
My wife and I have a great sex life. We have been married just over a
year. She is pretty open to just about anything, except ONE thing: When
she is blowing me, sometimes instead of coming in her mouth, I want to
come all over her face. She finds that repulsive. She normally has no
problem with swallowing my come or letting me come on her chest. But
for some reason, the face just creeps her out. She says it’s degrading.
Now, I cannot for the life of me understand how unloading on her face
is any more degrading than coming in her mouth or on her chest.
Any advice?
Facials Are Causing Embarrassment
Sorry, FACE, but your wife is correct:
Facials are degrading—and that’s why they’re so hot. Now,
I would normally arm a married man in your predicament with some killer
talking points guaranteed to convince his wife to let him blow a load
on her face, FACE, but… I’m not going to help you out. While being
denied a little sex advice doesn’t compare to being denied the right to
wed, I reserve the right to discriminate against straight married
assholes who support discrimination against me.
Now, if there’s a married straight man out
there who supports marriage equality and wants some advice on talking
the wife into facials, I would be more than happy to share my surefire,
fail-proof, 100-percent-guaranteed pro-facial arguments with
you. And if you’re a justice on the Iowa State Supreme
Court—which last week ruled unanimously in favor of marriage
equality for same-sex couples—I’ll toss in a free phone
consultation.
To Jade, what are you talking about?! Masturbating to relieve stress is nothing like eating, smoking, or drinking to relieve stress. Masturbating is like working out! Jerking-off is like a quick jaunt on the treadmill. I always thought aerobic exercise, like vigorous masturbation was a healthy way to reduce my stress.
AS to the underlying causes of our stress, I would guess that cause is…LIFE! Yes, life, life is stressful, so keep jerking, I say!
No man should have to lie to his wife about masturbating – men do it and she needs to get over it. If she is so insecure that she believes he’s cheating on her by touching himself, then he should divorce her immediately. Her insecurities and controlling behavior will only increase over time. But if he stays with that childish harpy then he deserved to be pussy whipped for the rest of his life.
First time I’ve ever read ALL the way through the comments, so I know I’m not being original, but in what way is it good parenting to humiliate your kid, even for doing something wrong?
I remember “borrowing” something that I couldn’t get for myself (not a sex toy) from my mother when I was about 13. She asked me if I knew anything about its whereabouts, and like another commenter, I quickly replaced it. She must have known that I’m the one who had it (duh), but she never said anything, and for that I am deeply grateful. I learned my lesson and also the power of forgiveness.
Mackenzie: The thing is, some of us right wingers are not bigots. Bigotry is not idealism-centric…. there are plenty of left wing bigots out there in bigotry land. I consider myself to be a “right-winger” McCain bumper sticker and all, and I have no problem at all with gay/lesbian marriage. I DO have have a problem with proponents of gay/les marriage lumping me in with those whose belief system happens to be different than theirs. Its interesting that the left uber-praises President Obama for inviting open dialog with Iran, Hamas, the Taliban and the like, and would be horrified if he called them “effing’ Islamo-facists”, but relish the opportunity to nonstop hammer the “right-wingers” here at home with every name in the book. Really, I wonder if the cause would be better served with less name calling and more civil dialog… Obama-style diplomacy with the “American Taliban”… after all, why not give your home-grown religious zealots the same benefit of the doubt you want Obama to give to the ones overseas. Granted, I realize this is an emotional issue and that rational, fact based civil discourse is probably not as satisfying as name calling. However, no matter what you do, you’re NEVER going to get SOME of the people to support or agree with your cause. But resorting to vulgar name calling and lumping all conservatives in the “right wing bigot” category, IMHO, hurts more than it helps. Martin Luther King took the high road with not a hint of vulgarity in his speeches (and it cost him his life.) But now we have a black president. The beauty of America is that we CAN evolve, and we have. Good Luck.
For JO: There’s actually a third option. Don’t try to justify yourself, but don’t lie, either. Tell your partner that this is something you need, maybe even explain to her both why you need it and why she shouldn’t worry about it, reassure her that she won’t ever need to CATCH you jerking off (since the not-when-I’m-in-the-house rule implies that’s what she cares about) –but stand firm that you WILL masturbate when you need to, and there’s nothing she can do about it. Sometimes in a relationship it’s necessary Person A to just accept that Person B is going to do some things that A doesn’t really like. I’ve been in that position, and I MUCH prefer that my partner be stubborn but honest than lie to me.
FACE, I think you should pray to the good Lord for forgiveness, because Jesus knows that seed spilt onto the ground or into any other vessel than the womb is sin. In fact, it’s tantamount to having thousands of sticky little abortions! Similarly, cum-swallowing is nothing more than cannibalism. (I hear that Saddlebacking might be ok with Him, though.)
I think Jerk Off should tell his wife he won’t beat off anymore, but she has to let him screw her EVERY time he’s in the least bit horny. My guess is that after a week or two she’ll agree to let him go back to taking care of himself as needed.
Hey Dan!
I think your advice to DAD was a tad harsh. Wouldn’t mortifying the teenage boy to his face give him a decade or so of hang ups? Of course it was wrong, and really fucking creepy, to steal his parent’s sex toys. I would suggest taking a passive aggressive approach. DAD should act like nothing happened, but throw away the boy’s stash of stolen goodies. When they’re not in their usual place and the boy tears apart his room looking for them the horrific feeling of mortification will quickly sink in with the realization that he was caught.
Remember that feeling you had as a teenager when you came home from school to find that your parents cleaned your room?
Exactly.
masturbation is a lovely fun, free, and healthy way to relieve frustration!
@ anonymous that stated:
“A “gunt” is a fat lower abdomen that that hangs down over your cunt. Just like you use your fatuous highmindedness to hide your rancid bigotry.”
I always heard it called “FUP” which stands for “Fat Upper Pussy.” You know that bulge older women get, just below their belt-line.
Interesting column (with a spirited follow-on discussion) by Charles M. Blow in the New York Times today about Vermont and same-sex marriage.
Blow writes…
The passage of gay marriage legislation in Vermont is momentous, but not necessarily a sign of momentum. Of all the states with pending gay marriage legislation, Vermont may well have been the easiest.
Why? Because Vermont is the least religious.
Opponents of gay marriage often base their arguments on religious texts.
“Homosexuality is a sin – an abomination.” “Marriage is between men and women.” “Blah, blah, blah.” (It’s baffling how intelligent people try to derive a well-rounded set of modern mores from books written by men who didn’t even know that the world was round. But, I digress.)
It only follows that states whose legislators have fewer religious constituents would be more willing to approve gay marriage bills.
That’s what sets Vermont apart.
According to the 2008 American Religious Identification Survey (A.R.I.S.) released last month,
a whopping 34 percent of respondents in Vermont said that they were not religious (the survey labeled them the “Nones”). That was the most of any state.
. . .
And, Nones in general are overwhelmingly in favor of gay marriage as evidenced by this table that shows they voted nine to one against Proposition 8 in California.
Check it out at:
http://blow.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/11…
FACE things gay marriage between two loving, consenting adults is wrong but “unloading” on his wife’s face when she finds it degrading is A-OK? And yeah, I know the question I just begged is a false dichotomy; I teach argument writing. Still…
The roots of this dichotomy are growing in the same soil of hetero male arrogance/ignorance. Try a little empathy, FACE.
I read your column every week and have been to one of your great live shows. I’m a big fan.
I want to reply to your comment to Jerk Off, whose wife won’t let him masturbate. I’m all for masturbation. But I think Jerk Off’s not coming clean with you. When a wife says she thinks he’s cheating on her by masturbating, she means it bothers her that he’s jacking off to another woman’s image (from the internet or a magazine). I’m not saying she’s right to be bothered by porn, but that is at least a logical comment. Otherwise, she’s just a controlling psychobitch. Jealous is more common.
If it’s really about the porn, there is a third solution (you offered two – argue or lie about it). The third option is to make masturbation sexy for his wife. This means having her watch you masturbate during sex with her and asking her to talk to you and touch herself while you do it. It also means asking her if you can take a private sexy photo of her, which only you will look at, and which she ultimately owns, to which you can masturbate as much as you like and even talk about. That is hot – coming home to find out your husband has been jerking off to your picture all day.
Now there are two ways this may not work – 1) she’s a controlling psychobitch with bad sanctimonious hangups. In that case, he should lie or DTMFA. 2) he can’t just jerk off to her, but needs other women porn. If that’s true, then he should lie and tell her he’s just jerking off to her and do the other stuff in secret. But if that is true, you can see how she might have a point – he’s cheated before and this may be just a warmup to him cheating again.
You’re a fab sex advice columnist but sometimes you miss the woman’s perspective. Hope you print this! Or at least please get back to me! 🙂
Thanks so much!!
Sign me as:
Woman’s Intuition, Seedy Exploits (WISE)
Love the honest approach, Clarity! Why shouldn’t JO’s wife get the information that she isn’t meeting his needs? I also think faithful JO (and everyone) is entitled to alone time at home. Finally, please shut up, Jade. Sexual release is a normal urge–JO doesn’t need more head trips than his wife has already handed him.
I know that letters are shortened but how did you know that the toys belonged to Dad and not MOM did I miss a gender reference ???
————–
@vms: Yes, you missed a very subtle gender reference. The signature line’s acronym was DAD, not MOM.
@ jade: sorry to be rude, but your post is idiotic. Stress and stress relief happen to everyone daily, they are not always indicative of poor coping or health. Would you say that someone wasn’t facing their problems if they like to stretch and yawn or tell a joke?
Jade COME ON! There is no underlying problem… haven’t you ever felt stressed or just needed to relax? Orgasming relaxes the body and the mind. Shut the fuck up and go masturbate.
Dear FACE,
Anything other then vaginal sex for reproductive purposes is a waste of your seed and a sin for both you and your wife.
P.S. She liked it when I came on her face when we where seeing each other.
Jade, it’s actually a proven fact that masturbation is one of the healthiest ways to relieve stress. If men don’t masturbate, it can lead to prostate cancer. Women continually drive themselves crazy with stress and when they don’t masturbate then they have a tendency to have higher blood pressure and often have clinical depression. Don’t let anyone tell you that sex and masturbation are not healthy. That’s a damn lie! As far as JO is concerned, I went through a short phase with my husband where it made me uncomfortable when he would masturbate. However, he was very good at making sense…he simply explained to me that sometimes, there’s something comforting about “clicking your own mouse.” There were times when I would catch him in the act and he would sometimes have me take over or give him head which always lead to fun for both of us. That particular act made it less embarrassing and more of a “hope to catch him” kind of thing. You may want to try such a thing with your wife and see if that helps her overcome her discomfort with the issue. You might also try encouraging her to explore her own regions. If she hasn’t masturbated in awhile (or ever), then she may find it to be somewhat refreshing and change her views, not just about masturbation, but sex in general.
About this facial thing: I admit to being repulsed by the thought of cum on my face (in my hair, up my nose) but no more and no less than if it were any other sticky, messy substance (whipped cream, custard pie–remember the podcast sometime back with the woman who willingly accomodated her boyfriend’s pie-in-the-face fetish?). Actually, I think pie would be the worst of these because someone with this fantasy probably doesn’t want to just dab it on; he wants to smash the whole pie in your face. So call me non-GGG, but I think the only way I might be persuaded to change my mind is if I had a boyfriend who was willing to do anything at all for me without complaint and without caring if it added to his own physical pleasure.
Yes.
The main issue that leads to us being stressed is being human.
Oh god, FACE, I am so utterly confused. Why would you preface your question with condemning the advice columnist? Are you that stupid? Have you ever heard the expression, “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”? The standard advice for those who are against “homosexual marriage” is the non-sexual, non-satisfying version of “fuck off”. Seriously. If you can’t stand extending the rights that you have already exercised to a couple of homos, if the thought of other people signing a legal contract just like you makes you that irate, then just leave. If we can’t do all the boring legal stuff you get to do, you don’t get to do all the fun sexy stuff we can do.
What? This is faker than a vegan hot dog! It’s ok. Let role playing cram the void. If you really knew a thing or two about sex you would know how to keep it real.
to the man who wants to come on his wife’s face: pay someone else to let you do it and leave your wife out of it. to the man’s wife: you’re right not to want him to come on your face. it is how a man degrades a woman. let him go to a prostitute to get it out of his system. if i had to do it all over again, that’s what i would have done.
Dear FACE, Just tell her how much you enjoy it when guys blow hot loads on YOUR face.
And to those who wonder where DAD came from. The first letters of “Discomfited Aged Deviant” mean anything to you? Like in D.A.D. Get it? Jees
I LOVED your advice to FACE.
don’t ask for advice from someone you disagree with. You’re not open to homosexuality and your wife isn’t open to getting your nasty sperm all over her face. the end.
It’s amazing, but glow-in-the-dark, Jesus-on-the cross dildoes do exist, along with other religious themed ones, from Divine Interventions. Not vibrators, though.
Just because someone isn’t sure about homosexual marriage doesn’t mean they’re against you living your lifestyle and being in love and happy… maybe we’ll all get there someday, maybe not. I’m not sure I agree with gay marriage, I’m not sure I am against it. I don’t know everything, what’s right and wrong, but a part of me believes marriage should be for man and woman; a part of me is forward-thinking, and maybe in 100 years we’ll all be ashamed it wasn’t allowed earlier. Who knows.
But honestly, I don’t really care about you denying FACE of advice, because having someone come in your face is just disgusting. People who do stuff like this have serious problems (maybe stemming from childhood) and probably won’t last in a relationship like that.
Women seem to often equate masturbation with infidelity. As a woman myself, I seem be one of those who never has. Some personal pleasure is a good thing, I like my own, and for all of us, it’s nice to “test drive” our equipment so we find out about some of the things we REALLY like.
Good Job again Dan.I am for equal rights for everyone,but be careful what you wish for, speaking from experience, marriage isnt all wine and roses.But I wish anyone who wants to do it, good luck.
I have a facial thing also, my woman wont take a facial either,I respect her take on it, besides when she gives me a blowjob and swallows, I about faint.I dont know if I could take anything more.
Keep up the good work.
I feel the same as FACE’s wife does about facials, but Happy’s advice would do the trick for me. If my husband told me how incredibly hot it is to see his come on my beautiful face, convincingly, while looking adoringly into my eyes, with perhaps the slightest tinge of pleading in his voice, I’d say “whip it out, papi, and do it to me right now.” But I’d expect him to let me put a finger up his butt next time.
@Sara: Actually, denying gay people the same LEGAL entitlements that straight people enjoy DOES mean that you’re against them being in love, happy, and living their “lifestyles;” you just sound really passive-aggressive about it.
Also, the only “disgusting” thing is your obnoxious & judgmental opinion of those who don’t share your prudish beliefs about sex! Sure, facials aren’t for everyone, but those who do enjoy “stuff like this” are just as decent and as healthy as anybody else! Ok, sorry to sound like an “angry liberal” here, but can’t we all just let each other live our (love) lives in peace?!? Thank you!
hey all, there are just some acts which shouldn’t be mandatory. things like taking a load in the face, buttsex, rimming…whatever, these things CAN be hot but to some people they NEVER will be and they shouldn’t HAVE to be.
And yeah, to all the hetero guys who make their women swallow their semen and then have the nerve to bitch about not getting to ejaculate on their face…SHUT UP.
You know…YOU swallow it sometime, and then smear it all over your face, wipe it out of your nose, get it off your eyelashes and then detangle your hair…
flora: “Women seem to often equate masturbation with infidelity. As a woman myself, I seem be one of those who never has.”
If women do equate their male partner masturbating with infidelity, then it’s probably for the reason a number of people have mentioned: the woman assumes the guy is fantasizing about another woman (or women.) And he probably is.
But so what? We’re all entitled to our fantasies. And it’s much better for a guy to be masturbating and fantasizing about other women, than to actually be out fucking other women behind his wife or girlfriend’s back.
Now, if a guy is doing it so much that his woman is being sexually neglected, that’s not good. That’s being selfish. But most guys (in my opinion) are so sexually “on” most of the time, compared to women, that they can satisfy their woman and still want to masturbate.
In my experience, few women really understand male sexuality (nor, in my opinion, do they care to.) And I think women don’t understand why guys masturbate so much because they don’t masturbate that much (“if I don’t need to, why does he?”) If women could be a man for a month or two, they’d understand why guys want to stroke themselves so much, because they’d be doing it.
-Number one is truly creepy. If the kid was stealing them, rather than borrowing and returning them, he must have known he (He? Really? Both father and son are into dayglo dildos?) would get caught. Something seems fishy…
-I hope the bigot comes face-to-face with Oprah one day and says ‘I don’t really like what you say on your show and think African-American women should be treated as lesser beings, but it’s a bit of a car wreck – I have to watch. So anyway…’ Also, cumming on someone’s face is a privilege, not a right. So 20-year-old fratboys – stop asking to do it on the first date!
-How on earth is everyone avoiding the fact that the dude from #3 actually cheated on his wife? She is clearly trying to punish him. He can do whatever he wants – lie to her, submit, ask for a divorce – but it’s not like she demanded this out of the blue.
To FACE and JO, guess what? You married the wrong person! Unless she radically changed her sexual preferences after the wedding, you screwed up by marrying someone who was incompatible with your needs. Now JO, you get to spend the rest of your life lying to your partner and FACE, you’ll probably wind up paying someone to take what you need to give them. My suggestion? Divorce these unsuitable ladies and pay more attention to the sexual compatability of your next partner. Unless, of course, you’ve been dumb enough to produce children with these women, in which case the price of your mistake will rise exponentially.
Dan,
Your stance on FACE was childish. Quite frankly I expected more from you. I will still read your colum though….
I’m thinking Dan chose that letter in particular for discrimination, because there are no “killer talking points guaranteed to convince his wife to let him blow a load on her face.” That’s why it’s so wickedly good to say to Mr. Can’t Stand You, Don’t Support Your Rights.
The more you try to talk someone into spooging on their face, the creepier you look and the more unlikely it’s going to be. All it comes off as is “Baby, it’s REALLY important to me to degrade you.”
Maybe the son is embarrassed or angry about DAD’s sexual activities?
I used to steal my mom’s cigarettes as a kid because I hated that she smoked. Just a thought. Good luck.
Way to take a stand. you are awesome. LOVE THE POD CAST!!
@not a bigot.
You’re an idiot. That exact product does exist, and if it turns people on… in their private lives… I say go for it. Thats not bigoted.
And people have the right to describe their sex toys.
Mine is purple and has a flower on it.
@ emmgo: Or to show to friends: “Hey, look at this–$10 if you guess what it’s for!”
I agree with all who advise a quiet retrieval and toss out. Dan, if I remember correctly, you wrote that your Mom once replaced the smut magazines under your mattress with copies of “Good Housekeeping”. I believe you called it the best non-conversation you ever had. (time to check the archive)
That last fucker got what he deserved.
FACE is being disingenuous. He claims not to see any difference to justify his wife’s not wanting him to come on her face, when she allows his to do so in her mouth or on her chest. But there IS a difference (the degradation factor) or he himself wouldn’t crave the facial. He needs to accept that it matters negatively to her, and enjoy everything else he’s got good.
I love, love, love that Dan didn’t tell that douche the best ways to get his wife to let him come on her face! Maybe if he wasn’t a narrow- minded jerk she would let him. Go on with your bad self Dan Savage!
Where can I get a glow in the dark crucifix shaped dildo?
TO FACE: Coming on the face is not something I do a lot, but have done, and it was in the shower. Have her give you head in the shower and then close her eyes as you splooge all over her face. She can then wash it off under the shower. Note: come in the eye is painful!
To Jerk Off, Dan, know-it-all and whoever else held issue with Jerk-Off’s wife:
First, let’s note that he wrote he and his wife have great sex. That a lot better than many couples in to their third year of marriage, especially if one cheated, so let’s count our blessings here and be willing to make a few sacrifices?
Next…
I am a young lady who knows her own sexual preferences very well, as complicated as a woman’s sex drive might be. I really couldn’t ask to be more in touch with my likes and dislikes. I know my sexuality so well that I can easily have screaming, neighbor-disturbing, back-clawing orgasms numbered into the double digits (> 2 dozen, at times) any time I have sex with my ridiculously hot boyfriend. That is, unless I have images of him lazily whacking off over his morning coffee and porn dancing through my head. Guys, seriously. Gross. Really, quit ruining my climax. Also, don’t poop with the door open and sorry if that infringes on your comfort level.
I know my sex drive so well that I can acknowledge when said hot boyfriend does something so un-hot that I would rather not do him, at all, let alone get off on him.
But we ladies don’t say these things to our men, as it would damage your views of yourselves and we don’t want that to happen because we love you and your dicks and do want them to keep functioning properly.
My guess is that Jerk Off is incredibly selfish, which is why he cheated on her in the first place and also why he feels “stupid” justifying himself. He hasn’t even though of the possibility that his reaching down his pants in front of her is making it difficult for her to remain loyal to HIM.
I think we can all agree that women are complicated and, perhaps, have too many limits. However, boobs are great to play with. If you want to get to play with them, you might have to masturbate in private (unless otherwise directed) and poop with the door closed, etc. etc.
It’s compromise.
I was so happy that my husband wanted to JO instead of pestering me. I agree with Clarity, wag that hot dog in her face a few times a day, and she’ll be happy to give you a ‘break’.
Granny