Stop using the word “retarded”
as an insult, Dan. I know it can be hard to break a verbal habit, but
make an effort. Perhaps you should have a “retard jar” that you put a
dollar in every time you use the word. When the jar is full, send the
money to the Special Olympics.
Whatever you do, though, try to remember
that you have lots of listeners and readers who have loved ones with
mental disabilities, and we don’t want to hear you misuse the word
“retarded.” Please don’t tell me to read or listen to other people if I
don’t like what I hear. I want to read your column and listen to your
podcast, but without the put-downs directed at people with mental
disabilities.
The Real Other Sister
I’m going to turn over a new leaf, TROS, and
make a conscious, conscientious effort to break myself of the bad habit
of using the word “retard.” But I don’t think the “retard jar” is for
me. Instead, I’m going to use a substitution for the word. From now on,
instead of saying “retard” or “that’s so retarded,” I’m going to say
“leotard” and “that’s so leotarded.” I won’t be mocking the mentally
challenged, just the physically gifted. I will pick on the
strong—and the limber—and not the weak.
I’ve lived with my boyfriend
for a little less than a year, and we have awesome sex and a loving
relationship. I’m not naive, and I don’t expect my boyfriend not to
look at porn. However, I’ve made it clear that porn makes me
uncomfortable (I have a weird, visceral distaste), and it makes me feel
insecure (am I not enough?). All I ask is that he clear his browser
history if we’re going to continue sharing computers and that he keep
his porn-viewing habits private.
We had a huge fight about this. He was
raised in an oppressive, religious household and feels my attitude is
oppressively prudish. But I don’t think he should feel ashamed of
looking at pornography, I just don’t want to see it. Why can’t he see
my point of view? Is it unreasonable to expect him to keep this part of
his private life private?
On The Outs
It’s not at all unreasonable to ask him to
be discreet about his porn-viewing habits, OTO, out of consideration
for your feelings. And if he can’t see that, well, then he’s just being
willfully leotarded.
But there are other solutions: Get your own
personal laptops, change his settings so his browser history clears
automatically, and if he makes an effort and slips up now and
then—if you come across a porn-clogged browser
history—clear it yourself and resist the urge to bring it up.
And for the record: It never even occurs to
me to look at the browser history on the computer my boyfriend and I
share. It wouldn’t bother me if he was looking at porn—I’d be
concerned if he wasn’t looking at porn—but there’s no law
that requires you to check out his browser history. Scrutinizing
browser histories is fourth-degree snooping, and only a leotard scrolls
through her boyfriend’s browser history knowing that what she’s likely
to find there is going to upset her.
I’m a 29-year-old hetero male
considering breaking up with my sweet GGG girlfriend of five years. I
can’t find a reason to do it, though. We never fight; she loves to do
all the chores I hate and vice versa; she’s accepting of all my kinks,
from anal to public sex; and we love each other. We’ve been talking
marriage and family all year.
But I miss falling in love, sex is becoming
boring, and my heart aches every time I hear about a girl who wishes I
were single. I told my girlfriend about these things, and she (while
crying) gave me permission to sleep around so long as it’s on her
terms, though her terms are pretty strict. I’m not happy with the
restrictions, but I can’t ask for more because she gets so depressed
talking about it.
Am I being self-destructive in wanting to
throw away the love of my life?
Let Me Have It
You’re being a self-destructive leotard,
LMHI, and your cliché male fear-of-
intimacy issues are
totally leotarded. Perhaps the marriage conversation is making you
jittery—as marriage, in theory at least, means that you’ll never
again experience the heady rush of new love. But your odds of ever
finding another girl—for a long- or short-term
relationship—who loves you, you enjoy living with, and is willing
to give you permission to sleep around, even with conditions, are
infinitesimally small. If you weren’t such a leotard, you would be able
to see that you’re not going to do better than this girl.
And make an effort to kick your sex life
with the girlfriend into gear before you sleep with someone else. If
she was sobbing her eyes out when she gave you permission to sleep with
other people, LMHI, that’s not a good sign. Successful and healthy open
relationships rarely get their start when one partner has consented
under duress. Boring can be fixed, and fixing it may involve opening
this relationship up, but she’s not really ready to go there.
I’m a big fan of something
called the Instead cup, which might help AFTER and her hemo-phobic
boyfriend who doesn’t want to have sex with her at any time during her
period. You can buy them at the big drugstores like CVS here in
California. When I have my period, the Instead cup sits up against my
cervix. It captures all the menstrual blood and keeps it away from my
loving boyfriend’s enormous yet fastidious cock. He often doesn’t even
realize I have it in. It’s a little messy to take out and dispose of,
but it’s totally worth it. Here’s the website: www.softcup.com.
And if AFTER’s boyfriend still won’t fuck
her with one of these handy numbers in, then she should definitely
DTMFA.
Cup Up Pussy
Readers: Since you’re reading this in The
Stranger, you might not know what CUP is referring to. Last week, I
had to cut a question from the local version of this column—a
question from a woman whose boyfriend refused to have sex with her
while she was on her period—to make room for info about HUMP! To
read the letter from Aunt Flo Terminates Erection Return and my advice
to her, see last week’s complete column at thestranger.com/savage.
As for you, CUP: I’m familiar—not
intimately so—with the Instead cup. But, like a total leotard, I
spaced it. Thanks for writing.
Longtime fan, Dan, but I don’t
see you on Twitter. It would be a blast! Thanks in advance.
Need More Savage Love
Writing a column and doing a weekly podcast
and blogging aren’t enough? Now I have to Twitter?
Sorry, NMSL, but no. The tech-savvy, at-risk
youth who pull the Savage Lovecast together every week may have
dragged my gay ass into the early years of the 21st century—they
created a YouTube site for me (www.youtube.com/user/dansavage)
and a Facebook page (www.facebook.com/dansavage)—but
I draw the line at Twittering, at least for the time being, as it would
cut into my drinking time.
I love the instead cup! It’s amazing and most men won’t even know it in there. Menstrual cups are much better than tampons and pads.
Dan, I get that you’re an equal opportunity offender, but as a disabled person, I think you crossed a line from mocking to cruel on this one. Believe it or not, you have mentally impaired readers for whom you are sometimes the *only* source of sex advice, because society so often assumes gimps are sexless. I’m not saying anyone *should* only get sex advice from one person (you or anyone else), but I know many people, both mentally and physically disabled, for whom that is the case. You’ve hurt some of those people with this column. I don’t think anyone really expects an apology from you, but it would be a nice gesture.
@ I Get It:
Sure, I “got it” too. I still think it was over the line. Consider: when Dan uses “gay” as a perjorative, gay people, by and large, understand that he’s being his usual sarcastic, ironic, nothing’s-sacred self. They may or may not agree with using that word perjoratively, but they understand that he’s not insulting them simply by saying “that’s so gay.”
The problem, and the difference, with “retarded,” or “leotarded,” is that mentally impaired individuals may *not* get that. I’ve talked to several people who *are* honestly, deeply hurt by this column… who no longer trust Dan as a person who views them as having a right to be sexual. Have I tried to explain otherwise to them? Yes. Have they “gotten” it? No. This column was just too heavy-handed for those individuals to accept that this was just “Dan being Dan.” They feel they’ve lost a safe space.
I just heard you on the This American Life “returning to the scene of the crime” show and wanted you to know how touched I was by your comments on being a “lapsed” Catholic, your wonderful mother and her loss in your life. I was also raised Catholic, (grammar school and an all girl’s Catholic high school!) and I really relate to my inconsistent faith when it pertains to the loss of loved ones. You are in my “thoughts”.
@I Get It and MJ:
Yeah, I got it too regarding the jar idea. The problem is that Dan shouldn’t need to be weaned off his use of the word. He’s agreed that he should stop using “retard” and “retarded” the way he does. The answer is simple–just stop. There was no need for him trying to be funny, which has had the effect of egging on those self-centered individuals that still think it’s perfectly acceptable to be insensitive and uncaring. No need, except that it’s what pays his bills. The more controversy he creates, the more we read and respond. Should he apologize? No. I seriously doubt that it would be sincere. Why? Because if he were interested in apologizing he’d have already posted it in this string.
Wannabe Catholic, I respect where you’re coming from, but I definitely got the impression that opening up the relationship was NOT about the fact that he can’t be happy with one woman, but about the fact that he’s not happy with THIS woman. He didn’t indicate that he’d ever wanted polyamory before or would want it consistently; I really think it’s a relationship issue, an easing towards a breakup. If you will, a “trial separation” for the lazy and living together.
And about kinky sex issues, if someone tries something, he or she needs to be able to say, “I tried it and I didn’t like it and I’m not doing it again.” and have that be respected. It seems to me that the problem isn’t people with kinks, but people who are disrespectful of their partners’ desires, and that the solution isn’t to find someone who wants just the same things you do(which hasn’t been totally feasible in my experience) but to find someone who cares enough about your feelings to respect your boundaries.
Plus, I’m not advocating for indulging in every sexual idea that crosses your mind. Trying things solely for novelty shouldn’t be a constant need, and rutabagas really won’t meet your needs, sexually or emotionally. (Oh boy, here come the vegisexuals!) But on the other hand, something that tugs strongly and consistently at you and is enormously gratifying(that isn’t immoral) ought to be given consideration. Just like I refuse to marry someone who can’t accept that I have my very own zoo, all of whom are treated as well as people, I refuse to marry someone who won’t be my houseboy once in a while. That’s just part of who I am and what I do.
Man, I feel bad for LMHI’s girlfriend. It seems clear to me that he’s just getting himself geared up to dump her. Now that I understand where you’re coming from, though, I appreciate your advice more; if the problem isn’t that he doesn’t want to be with her any more but his antsiness for more sexual excitement, then he really would do better to put a lid on it. Losing love isn’t worth it.
Holy shit! There’s a menstrual jar?
Where have I been? Would it help cure the 0 -to- psychotic nastiness I experience monthly?
Dan—I really feel for you and the loss of your mother. Please be comforted that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m not Catholic, but can relate to your painful loss: my mom passed away last summer after a losing battle with Parkinson’s.
God and Goddess bless, and continue to kick ass!!
Wonderful piece on the radio Dan. Thanks for writing
The retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it. Nobody does. They don’t run in packs. While they might not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with them. Don’t do it. Puts them edge. They might go into berserker mode and come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “no, no, no,” all they hear is “who wants cake.” Let me tell you something: they all do. They all want cake.
Let Me Have It needs to realize that EVERYONE, including women, including eventually his girlfriend, gets bored when the first feelings of falling in love inevitably fade. (It’s a biological fact that this will always happen within 3 years of a relationship, usually much sooner.) If you dump your gf for that reason, you’ll always be dumping gfs until you are too old to get a new gf. Dan is right. You are NOT going to do any better. The answer is to spend more quality time with the girl you’ve got and work hard to create that excitement. It won’t come back without effort, and will come and go depending on how much effort you both put into the relationship, but that’s just the way it is and changing girlfriends won’t change the situation.
To the browser history question, with the click of a button you can permanently prevent previous searches from coming-up when you type in a new word or a letter that happens to also start with his porn site. So, yes, an easy solution for the gf to not find what’s on his browser history (unless she’s looking on purpose because she’s curious and wants to complain…then there’s no cure for that…)
Calling things “retarded” is a habit I’m working on breaking too.
My husband frequently uses “that’s so gay” in a derogatory way and I always correct him. I know it’s a bit uptight and pc but I don’t think you should use “gay” interchangeably to mean that sucks/is stupid/lame/weak. Hmm, how many more late 90’s adjectives can I think of? Anyway, I suppose you have seen this campaign from the Ad Council?
Think Before You Speak – Cashier
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEpBYKOs3…
“Happy old lady” is so right! I keep telling my ex, who wants me back oh so badly “get your own life and I might consider it honestly” … It’s *so hot* to be with a romantic partner on an eye-to-eye level.
Leotarded is definitely passive aggressive
Stupid works as a fine substitute
How is replacing retard with leotard less offensive than replacing n—– with rigger?
LMHI, I agree with Diagoras. It’s what you make it. But let’s be honest, you will do what you want regardless of any advice you get from this column. Shit will play out, you will learn something from your experience, you will still wonder what things wouldve been like had you chose the other. You won’t be completely satisfied either way. Basically, it sounds like, you will feel like you lost something or are missing out either way. You know this, which is why you’re trying to get both. Goodluck with your torn self. Let us know how it turns out. You know the situation best and I think you know how it will turn out, you don’t want that to happen, which is why you asked Dan. You don’t want to make the decision. Be honest with yourself and her. That’s all you can do. Whatever happens, you’ll find a way to justify the decision you make.
I’ve been disturbed about my own use of the “R” word lately. Thanks for giving my kids and I a substitute that will suffice, although the extra syllable is tripping me up.
The Instead Cup hates the environment! It is a one time use, disposable product. Try the Diva Cup. It is a harder silicone and you can use it for years. Place in boiling water to sanitize. Can’t have sex with it though, but I take mine out before sex. Period sex is fun, more lubed up!
LMHI – That’s why it’s sooo leotarded get married before you’re 32. (more later, more better). For the most part, people need to get all that “I want some new stuff” out of their system and become mature enough to appreciate what you have. Let her go. There is no point in getting married when you’re not ready. And YOU are not ready.
Wow, dozens of posts of people reacting against the ‘word police’ by using retarded in an offensive way. Eeeedgyyy. How’s middle school treating you, kids?
If you don’t understand how ‘retarded’ can be offensive and perpetuate prejudice against the mentally disabled even when that’s not the intent of the person using the term, then you have no understanding of language or culture. Enroll in a psychology or sociolinguistics class, kids, it’ll be enlightening.
The INSTEAD cup is real! It is awesome! It is not more expensive than the other options. I love it! You can have sex with it in, though if he’s very large or you’re very small, it can be a little tight in there. This might be a selling point for some, though I get worried that the extra rubber-on-rubber friction might damage a condom. Another fun fact about INSTEAD: It’s the best protection I’ve found for when I go to the gym. I can lift and do 200 crunches without ever being aware of it or worrying about leakage. It’s the best thing since sliced bread. Though I don’t recommend putting sliced bread in your twat at any time of the month.
I don’t know Instead, but I’ve had the Keeper for over two years, and it’s awesome. An IUD keeps me from menstruating very much at all anymore, but when I do, the Keeper’s my best friend. Much more comfortable and less messy than cotton alternatives, plus way better for the environment (not to mention your wallet – it’s $35 and will last for 10 years)! http://www.keeper.com/
Leotard? Are you fucking kidding me here?!?! Yeah, because i would be ok with it if people referred to my brother as a laggot. Fuck you, Dan.
I don’t agree with Wannabe Catholic (#205) in that women aren’t interested in the creepy, kinky sex! Who have you been dating!?!? After being in a boring marriage with a vanilla husband, I am desperate for kink!
I was in the same position as the GGG girlfriend, with an almost-perfect relationship and offered an open relationhip to my love, without all the melodramatic crying, because I knew it was a mid-life crisis and he either would grow tired of it or it would become a part of our sex life. However, the foolish boy didn’t believe me when I said the thought of him kissing/fucking someone else turned me on rather than made me jealous. He chose to keep lying and seeing people in secret instead of being honest. The ex-husband still regrets letting me get away, so I’m pretty confident that history will repeat itself. I’d rather be happy than right in this instance, though.
Dan, everybody knows that you never go full retard in an advice column…
Re. the Instead cup – TRY IT; it’s the next best thing to not HAVING a period; you change it every 12 hours, so you don’t even have to think about your period all day. It can take a bit of getting used to the first couple of months that you use it, but it’s so worth it. I never want to go back to other methods, so I hope a fair number of you other women out there will give it a try too.
humph. i
take sister’s
point. but if i can call people bastards…which i am. Or assholes which i have.Or tell them to go fuck themselves which is on of my favorite hobbies i say i can call someone retarded if they’re being really stupid. Not if they’re actually mentally challanged. and not if they don’t deserve it. only if they’re being willfully stupid.
anne the bastard
LMHI is an idiot.
But see, betenoir, the r-word doesn’t mean “willfully stupid”. It is a diagnostic label that is still applied to many children and adults around the world because of their disabilities. The idea that it can be separated from meaning “intellectually disabled” just because you are not using it in that context is false. If that was the case, then using the word “gay” to mean “stupid” would have no relation to the actual opinion that loving someone of the opposite sex is worthy of insult.
And really, to everyone here who thinks that their use of the word is ok because you happen to know a disabled person who doesn’t mind it… FUCK YOU. There are many physically and mentally handicapped people who have been brutally bullied both by peers and government using the label “retarded”. It was not so long ago in our own country that people were locked in institutions in horrifying conditions based on the attitudes surrounding that word.
The history of disabled people has been mostly one of cruelty and ignorance towards people who are just trying to do their best with the life they are given. And if you want to contribute to that, then don’t pretend you are justified because you happen to know someone who doesn’t mind.
*cough* Sorry about the rant, but attitudes like that make me angry x_X
It’s about time Dan and everyone halted his verbal abuse of others who face discrimination. As a columnist who expects equality he has a high standard to meet.
What do I think of “Leotarted” ? I think it is still racist. It’s like what the other reader said, you would not change the N word to “ligger” or call a Jew a “like”. It still carries the slur and shows the speaker to be too lazy to open their mind or open a thesaurus.
Print this list for handy use anytime you need an adjective rather than insulting people who were born with a disability. Used in a sentence: Rather than use the adjective “retarded” the reporter helped someone avoid the same mistake again by calling them xxxxxx.
airhead
apathetic
ass
asshole
balky
barbarian
birdbrain
blockhead
bonehead
boob
bozo
brainless
chowderhead
chump
clod
clueless
delusional
dense
dim
dimwit
dingbat
doofus
dope
dork
dull
dullard
dunce
fool
ignoramus
ignorant
imbecile
impenetrable
inflexible
intractable
intransigent
knucklehead
lamebrain
luddite
lug
lummox
meathead
moron
mulish
naive
nincompoop
ninny
nitwit
numbnuts
numbskull
nutbag
oaf
obdurate
oblivious
obstinate
peabrain
pigheaded
schmuck
simpleton
slow
stupid
thick
twit
unimatinative
uninformed
unintelligent
PS: I just used the 2 second keyboard shortcut to open my computer thesaurus. Dan, how hard is that? The shortcuts vary a bit, but in MS WOrd for the mac simply leave the cursor on a word like “stupid” and press and hold Option + Apple then tap the letter: R
Macs with OS 10.4 come free with the amazing Oxford English Dictionary, Look under applications on your hard drive.
If you can’t do that you’re willingly ignorant, and all of the above.
There is a self-congratulatory and covertly abusive feel to “Let Me Have It”‘s letter. He is wonderful and it breaks his heart to deprive the women of the world of this wonderfulness. And yet his girlfriend is in tears and has been coerced into accepting that he cheats openly on her. Naturally, she will feel worthless for putting up with such a tool and this will reinforce the tool’s opinion of himself as God’s Gift to Pussy.
Y-U-C-K
Please just dump your girlfriend and let her move on. She’ll cry for awhile and then in 8 – 10 months she’ll thank GOD that she is rid of you.
Go. Please the countless drooling ladies awaiting you. Just let this poor girl get out there and find a real man.
Dan,
This might not be the right way to post a letter, hope it gets to you. My girlfriend, whom i love with a totality I have never before experianced, occaisionally asks me to choke her while we are having sex. This scares me and it is generally difficult for me in the sense that it sorta feels like an act of violence even though it is not intended this way, it just feels like it. If I can figure out how to do this safely for her, if there is a safe way to do this, I will. If not, it is not likely to leave her disconsolate and unsatisfied so I could opt to not without losing her I think.
If I can please her this way i will, for her, is there a safe way to do this?
My name is Leo, and I am also a Tard. And I take EXTREME offense to this! I am not a Leotarded.. or maybe I am? I hate you!!!!
Seeking Advice: Dude, there is NO way to safely choke someone. The thrilling sensation people experience when they are choked comes from oxygen deprivation. Oxygen deprivation can cause brain damage or death. Choking your girlfriend aught to scare the shit out of you. You should go with your gut on this one and tell her that choking is out of bounds for you. But that doesn’t mean you have to leave her unsatisfied. You sound pretty willing to accommodate her, so perhaps you can offer to explore other avenues of sexual adventure with her – heaven knows there are countless ones out there!
Sock it to all those leotards, Dan. Love it.
Hey OTO, download the new google browser Chrome on your shared computer and set it to incognito. That way it won’t save anything in the browser history when you, your boyfriend, dinner party guests, or others cruise the web to indulge their porno preferences.
@KEEP HER
first off… I didn’t realize you DUMPED ME, that’s good to know… and secondly “girls were beckoning you”… my oh my… the wondering eye, and the good old term “the grass is always greener…”
to bad you realized to late huh!
I tried avoiding using the term ‘gay’ in a perjorative sense for years, especially around my homo friends. Weird though: when I corrected myself, they looked at me funny. It took me a while to realise they used the word the same way. “That’s so gay” when a manager makes a dumb rule, and so on.
I asked one about it. He said he just uses it like other people do, and it’s just another word with two meanings. ‘Homo’ and ‘annoying or dumb’. No big deal, and he knows, when people use it perjoratively, they generally aren’t trying to associate gay people with being dumb.
Get over it already.
Yes, Rophuine, your gay friends speak for gay people everywhere, who are a hivemind.
Also, there’s no way any given gay person can be homophobic or unknowingly propagate homophobia, oh no, that’s completely impossible.
Seriously, why are so many of you people dumb enough that you can’t see the stupidity of this argument? “Well my gay/retarded acquaintance doesn’t care about that slur, so get over it, you oversensitive PC wuss!”
Aside from the general fallacy of anecdotal evidence, there’s also a massive dose of heterosexual/ableist privilege going on there. There are tons of mentally disabled and homosexual people who find ‘retarded/gay’ offensive. They’re not WRONG just because there happen to be homosexual and mentally disabled people who don’t find those slurs offensive, assuming your inane little anecdotes are even true to begin with. How about you stop telling minorities what they shouldn’t be offended by, assholes?
retarded people don’t know they’re retarded so saying they could be offended by “retarded” is retarded
While it is smart to take anecdotal evidence with a grain of salt–and to realise that one person does not speak for everyone–be aware that it goes both ways. Yes, there are people who know people who aren’t offended by something, or who themselves aren’t offended by something other people feel they should be offended by, and there are also people who are offended. No individual of either group speaks for the whole.
While we’re talking about offensive terms that are used out of their appropriate context, how about bitch? Or cunt? Or the countless other sexist and degrading names we call not only women, but people we don’t like. Both are taken way out of context, and are made to mean something they do not (for example, a bitch is a female dog; consider how stupid it would be to call someone a mare). Many of the insults we use today are words that take on a different meaning in the context of an insult than they do in their original form. And unless you plan on changing all of them, get with it or get over it. We hear many things we don’t agree with, and many things we find offensive (which are sometimes, shockingly, not words of insult, and are in fact MUCH more important than this topic). Save your rage for those, and understand that not everyone thinks like you do. Freedom of speech can be unfortunately used, but it’s there. And you have the right to be offended. But not to force someone else to be offended because you are, or to change their behaviour just for you.
My god. Go back and read my comment. Then read it again. Where did I mention that my gay friends speak for all gay people, everywhere? My comment was an anecdote. I didn’t say the whole gay community takes the same attitude.
My point was exactly what I said: people use words for multiple meanings, and intentions aren’t always to hurt. Correct them, sure, but as has already been said, if the perjorative use really offends you, and everybody uses it, time for some thicker skin.
Work for change, sure. But ‘get over it already’. Sorry I wasn’t clear enough the first time ’round.
If they don’t speak for all gay people everywhere, then who the fuck cares what your gay friends happen to think? Why tell gay people to ‘get over it already’ based on your stupid anecdote?
Leotarded is hilarious, and makes me think of Leo Dicaprio and Titanic, and also of that *crazy* American Apparel ad with the leotard for pregnant chicks. Also, the movie The Night Porter with that gay ass ballet-clown-in-leotard scene. Hahaha, Leotarded!
That shit is so gay.
Instead cup user here. First time commenter because this is a great product. Since I started using Instead softcups, it’s almost like not having a period. I even forget sometimes. I used to watch tampon and FDS commercials with horror thinking “women do NOT talk to each other like that!”, but since I found Insteads, I am one of those women. If you want to use the other brands listed in the comments, go ahead – when you make it work you’ll never be using a tampon or pad again.
To whomever can’t use it right, don’t be shy. The worst thing about them is you have to touch yourself. Yes, you do. You must hook it behind your pubic bone, which means you need to find your pubic bone. Try it when you’re not having your period – the cup can be inserted and removed as often as you need to (unlike tampons which can’t be removed without hurting until they’re sufficiently saturated) so practice. My friends report it taking a couple months to get used to, so they wear pantiliners for the trial period, so to speak. I haven’t used anything else in so long, I don’t remember my learning curve. I remember being concerned that it would be gross. It is not much messier than tampons only the cup never smells, and it’s so much less smelly and gross than pads that I will never willingly go back.
I don’t know why they say the cup’s not reusable. I use one per period and rinse it out in the shower in the morning. Soap it up a little, rinse and put back in and you’re good to go, unless your body reacts negatively to it, and toss at the end of the week. On some heavy days its easier to just throw it out when I have to change it at work one day, so I might use two. Dump it out before sex or the gym and (after a good #2). The date knows its there, but doesn’t care.
Regardless of brand, menstrual cups are the best product for periods I have ever used.
LMHI is having cold feet. And he’s also a major douchebag.
Here’s the thing…when he says they’ve been “talking about” marriage and such for a year, who’s doing the talking? Very few women will just go and broach this subject, because we all know damn good and well that it’ll generally send a man running like a bunny. You wait for him to do the talking…and here’s where it gets really incredibly selfish…anyone get the feeling that LMHI is the one who brought up the M word? And is now scared shitless about the marvelous idea he had? And has now led on his girlfriend for over a year about their fabulous future, when he really just plans on dumping her as soon as he can find a reason he can tell everyone they know without sounding like a ginormous douche?
EVERYONE gets bored from time to time, and, knowing there is a last first kiss just makes all other peoples’ lips incredibly tempting…but those lips, those other peoples’ lips, aren’t going to magically be new again all over again every day. Soon, those other lips will be boring, too. And then, after you’ve run through all the strange lips and are 70 and alone, just where the fuck do you think you’d find new lips to kiss? Who’ll hold your hand while you’re dying slowly for years? You think some little new pussy you picked up at the bar is going to care for you, accept you, and keep your kinky secrets? Good fucking luck, and good riddance.
LMHI’s girlfriend should drop his pussy chasing, game playing, peter pan ass to the curb hardcore.
LMHI’s girl:
Go out and find yourself a kinky MAN, and leave the little boy who is playing with you like a novelty toy (just going through his list of kinks to get them all out of the way with the person who loved him enough to indulge him…and maybe enjoyed them, too 😉 ) and find someone who adores YOU and not what kinky ideas just popped into his head…you should be his goddess, not his convenience…
I am dyeing with the leotarded. Absolutely dyeing. Jesus Christ you’re funny. I have the same wicked habit of constantly dropping the r-bomb. But God that’s a great way of dealing with it AND it makes me crack up everytime I read it. LMHO.
Hmmm. I can tell gay people, people with mental deficiencies, and hell, let’s throw in red-headed girls too, to get over it for whatever reason I want. If you’re offended by something that’s all around you, it’s a pretty damn good way to stop being offended. Once you’re not spending all your time untwisting your knickers, you might have time to educate people and try to stop the hate.
Just a thought.
Give me a break, folks. My father teaches special education. And calls me a retard. The concept of calling someone a “retard” is that most severely mentally hadicapped people, in many, though not all cases, have an IQ severely lower than that of a “normal” person. Calling someone “gay” as prejorative is a different story- you’re insinuating that being gay is a negative and undesirable thing, and that being called gay is some sort of stigma. Calling someone a retard insinuates that they are just not very bright… With no negative feelings directed towards mentally handicapped folks.
Or they could use two different kinds of browsers like FireFox and Explorer or SeaMonkey or something…… That way he has his browser, she has hers, he can look at all the porn he wants, and she doesn’t need to get an entire new laptop.