I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There’s a sex club nearby that looks like it might cater to my fantasy, but can I just walk in off the street and bend over? Do I need to go a few times first and talk to people? That kind of kills the fantasy of it, really. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Take A Number
You could probably walk into a sex club and bend over—lord knows some gay men do just that—but it would be a bad idea.
But you can realize your fantasy, TAN, and here’s how: Most swingers clubs permit couples and single women to attend parties (sorry, single guys). Go to a few parties, keep your pants on, introduce yourself around, find a couple or two whom you click with. Share your fantasy with your new friends and ask if they might be interested in helping you realize it.
And your fantasy is totally realizable—I’ve seen very similar ones realized once or twice—but the only way to realize your fantasy safely is with a couple of trusted friends hovering nearby. You need someone there who’s making sure that men who take advantage of you in your bent-over-and-blindfolded state have condoms on and don’t attempt to do anything other than what you’ve consented to.
Sometimes realizing a fantasy requires a little suspension of disbelief, TAN, so you’ll just have to pretend your guardian angels aren’t there watching out for you. And if part of what makes the fantasy so hot is being a helpless sex object in a room full of strangers, you can always go with your friends to a different sex club, one where you don’t know anyone but that your new friends checked out for you in advance.
I’m a single, straight guy who just turned 30. Never had a serious relationship, had sex twice. Not for a lack of opportunity, but I wasn’t ready for it emotionally until I was about 25. I’m a good-looking guy with a good job. I’m funny, independent, and easygoing. But I feel like there is a wall preventing me from having a relationship. Part of it is that I like having my own space. I like solitude, but I feel like I could let someone in my life and make time for her and go from there. And another part of it is I cannot for the life of me flirt with a girl I find attractive. I can turn a girl I’m not attracted to beet red if I have to, but I get tongue-tied around girls I think are hot.
Now that I feel mature enough to have someone in my life, what can I do to break down this wall I’ve put up to protect myself?
Lonely One Seeks Ties
P.S. I should probably add that I’m a submissive. Not that I’m looking to be emotionally dominated or anything, but being tied up in a corner and only speaking when Mistress tells me it’s okay sounds pretty awesome.
I’m glad you included that postscript, LOST.
Google the term “munch,” along with “BDSM” and the name of the city where you live (or the nearest big city if you live in
buttfucknowhere). Munches are informal gatherings hosted by and for straight folks into BDSM; most are hosted by reputable BDSM or sex clubs—Orlando Power Exchange, Los Angeles’s Threshold Society, Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture—and nothing happens at a munch. No sex, no play, just conversation and lunch. You’ll meet other kinky straight folks who are interested in what you’re interested in, and you’ll be forced to interact with the women there—even the ones who typically leave you tongue-tied.
Serious question here: Does putting toothpaste or Bengay or whatever else on one’s scrotum cause sterility or have any other negative health effects?
Great Balls Of Fire
Um… nope. It would probably be for the best if the guys who’ve posted YouTube videos of themselves putting Bengay on their balls were all sterile, GBOF, but most will sadly reproduce.
I’m a pretty hairy dude. I like my hairy chest. I like growing a beard in the winter. I like my hairy arms and legs. The only place that I don’t like hair is my crotch. I shave my pubes pretty regularly, but I have long, scraggly, gross hairs all over my balls, which I could really do without. The thought of accidentally cutting myself down there has been a pretty good deterrent from going at it with a razor, and just the idea of putting some hair-removal product like Nair down there makes me wince. Is there a safe, easy, relatively pain-free way to get rid of this unsightly hair?
Clever Nickname Up To You
Um… nope. Waxing is the way to go, but it smarts.
Your advice for Seriously Troubled Here, the MARRIED MAN whose WIFE made out with another man (who she CLAIMS was gay) was the kind of knee-jerk anti-male bullshit and anti-male bias that straight men have come to expect from therapists, advice columnists, and “sex experts.” She gets drunk and flirts with other men and MAKES OUT WITH THEM, and he’s the douchebag?
Fuck you and your misandry. Men shouldn’t seek your advice because you’re clearly incapable of taking their side. You may not like pussy yourself, you cocksucker, but you’ll take the twat’s side every time. The world doesn’t need another asshole “advice professional” who sides with the woman no matter what she does.
Men Against Dan
Excuse me? I’m the advice columnist—I’m practically the only advice columnist—who doesn’t automatically leap to the woman’s side in a dispute. I’m the guy who tells women that all men watch porn (so get over it or get a dog), that oral comes standard (sucking cock and eating pussy), and that under certain circumstances a husband (or a wife) has a right and a responsibility to cheat (just because you’re not interested in sex anymore doesn’t mean he has to go without for the rest of his life). You won’t get that from Prudie or Amy or Carolyn.
Sorry, MAD, and everyone else who wrote in: I stand behind my advice to STH. His wife was apologetic and recognized that her behavior would have to change because it was, at the very least, deeply upsetting to her husband. She also confessed to kissing another dude, a gay dude, two years before they married, and he was having trouble forgiving her. If the roles were reversed—husband kissed lesbian two years before the wedding and wife couldn’t forgive and move on—you can bet your clenched butts that I would’ve called the wife a douchebag.
For crying out loud, MAD, I’ve told wives—and husbands—to forgive and forget infidelities. Did you really expect me to tell STH to leave his wife over a kiss?
For hairy balls I want to say laser hair removal but I’m not sure about potential damage to the ‘boys
As always, lots of great advice Dan! I totally agree with your advice to STH; grow up and get over it, or leave.
As for the laser hair removal, it’s not exactly “painless” either, but definitely worth looking in to!
To CNUTY:
What about an electric razor? Many of them have sideburn trimmers which are pretty damn painless. You won’t get as close or as smooth of a shave as you would with a blade or the “regular” part of an electric razor, but you should be able to get most if not all of of the hair off your balls.
“Clever Nickname Up To You” should try a hair depilatory called Magic. It’s a powder you mix with water and is labeled for to remove beard and head hair from black men but it works wonders on pubic hair. The smell is a little bad but there is no burn and it’s gentle enough to use every couple of days.
LOST’s letter: obscenely hot. A strong/silent sub?! I should be so lucky!
Talking to someone you find attractive is hard because there’s a lot on the line and one feels pressure to perform– undue pressure. I think practice will make perfect here.
Maybe it’s just me, but NAIR on the balls works just fine.
STH was obviously a controlling douchebag and MAD is obviously a bitter misogynist. Dan could smell those from a mils away.
I am loathe to accept anyone at face value who says : “I can turn a girl I’m not attracted to beet red if I have to, but I get tongue-tied around girls I think are hot.” STOP FOCUSING ON LOOKS!!!! Stop it! Everyone!!! Yes, chemistry is good, but focusing on the “hot” factor doesn’t do ANYONE favors. It’s dehumanizing to everyone involved. I have a friend who is exquisitely “hot” and it means she rarely gets a chance to be friends with men or women who shun her before they even get to know her. ALL people are just PEOPLE. What you’re really afraid of is making an ass of yourself and being rejected. Get over yourself and just be nice, like you would to anyone. If it helps, imagine the person with a bag over their head or at 70 years of age. (although I adore older men, and have actually found a few 70+ men very hot!!) Seriously, give up the idea that our physicality says anything about our personalities.
Sheesh!
Jesus Christ… STH seems to really hate women.
What a dick.
Here’s to his wife getting a clue and leaving him.
sorry, and Dan I love you, really…. but Dear Prudence has actually proven herself to me as not being completely man hating. And has taken the side of men a few times. So yeah Amy, Caroline, I can agree with…. But Prudie has really impressed me as of late…. You’re still my favorite…. But she does good shit too…. Also I like how she does sex and everything else in between…. I know you do too sometimes… I just wish you would do it more often (even though I know so many people want you to stick to “sex and sex only”)…. ha I guess one can never win.
NAIR on my balls caused my ballsack to turn a deep shade of purple. DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand. What’s wrong with putting toothpaste on the scrotum, besides the fact that it just sounds pretty weird? I think I can guess why Ben Gay isn’t recommended… in fact, I think I recall some practical jokes when guys spread it on a guy’s jock strap and left it for him to climb into… but what’s the point here? Some self abuse? Masocism?
@CNUTY (and Dan!): Shaving is just fine if you’re careful. I go with a Schick male razor (’cause they have safety wires and lots of blades), and use lots of hair conditioner (much better than shaving cream for down there). I’ve been shaving them for years, and never yet a nick, although I struggle to get through a single morning without razorburn on my face.
I use an epilator for most other places, but imagine getting one anywhere near all that loose skin would end in tears (of one sort or the other).
How do you bring up ‘going there’ when you walk into a waxing studio? Is there a tendency for male/female/gay/straight/whatever-demographic waxing technicians to prefer not to go there?
men against dan is a pouting pussy. I don’t appreciate the twat word, and what a prize he must me. Women begging to be bagged by him? I think not!
Awww, poor MAD. It must be so hard to live as a straight man in this misandric world, under the thumb of the All-powerful Advice Columnists (whom we know are really just puppets of the Evil Feminist Empire). lol, what a misogynist douchebag.
To the guy who wants hairless balls–just my humble opinion but perhaps you should learn to love what God gave you and leave your balls alone. Hairless balls look weird. Hairless balls on an otherwise very hairy guy look weird AND just plain silly.
Put shaving cream on, hold the skin taut and shave away. Use a light short stroke and rinse the blade often. I’ve been doing it for years and only cut myself a couple times. Make sure to hold your dick away from the blade. Word to the wise.
@16: I can’t agree that we should just learn to love what God gave us. Should I stop shaving my face, too? Maybe not bother getting my hair cut? I LIKE changing stuff; it’s a part of my identity.
I do agree that hairless balls + hairy everything else looks kinda weird. It was a very short step (for me) from that exact situation to “hey, maybe I should get rid of the rest of it too?”
I now stay as hair-free as possible from the shoulders down (except my arms), and love it.
Both TAN’s question, and Dan’s response to TAN’s question were… arousing.
Rophuine #18–I just meant that HE should learn to appreciate what God gave him in this particular situation. I’m not suggesting that all men walk around looking like Charles Manson. 😛
Although I guess I will stand by the idea that men (and women) should leave their pubes alone unless it’s just to trim them a bit. As a lady, personally I like hair down there on a guy. I think balls without hair are kind of sad and naked-looking. But to each her own, of course. It takes all kinds.
CNUTY should just use a razor. Nicks to the scrotum are not particularly painful or dangerous. Shaving your face is much worse.
In response to the STH controversy… No Dan, you’re not a MAN-HATER. But you’re a KINKY-GIRL-IGNORER!
And so are, it seems, all your readers. Have you gotten so used to people admitting their kinks that you can’t spot them on your own? Take off your sunglasses and see the truth: THIS MAN’S WIFE IS KINKY AS HELL!
She likes to kiss gay dudes, for whatever reason. She wants to flirt with other guys, and girls. Your advice should be to her – to tell her husband the truth. Or to him – go ask your wifey: If I was ok with you flirting with someone else, what would you do?
Er, no.
Kissing people isn’t ‘kinky as hell’
Wanting to roleplay ‘Ass Goblins of Auschwitz’ comes a bit closer to the definition…
I dunno, Dan, you might get that advice from Carolyn if she didn’t have Washington Post guidelines to follow. Her advice in her live chats is more concerned with fairness to people than with any particular code.
Shaving your balls (with a safety razor, guys) is totally safe. Hot water in the shower, stretch the sac, shaving gel, repeat daily. In years of doing this I think I’ve nicked myself once.
Or talk a friend into doing it for you – totally hot.
Wax your balls!? Are you out of your mind? Get a Body Groomer — an electric razor made by Philips Norelco for the parts other than your face. No blood, no pain, smooth balls.
This is to Laya: Do you like hairy nuts in your mouth? Most women say the hair bothers them. Shaved nuts and shaved Beaver is the only way to go.
Anyone who doesn’t like hair on his balls or crotch is seriously weird. I’m a hair-lover from the ground up, and love it all — chest, cock, arms, legs, butt. O, gimme that fur! The idea of licking a pair of hairless balls gives me the creeps. (Of course to some people, THAT’S seriously weird.)
I tried an electric wet-dry body shaver on my nuts once – for about a second. OUCH! Never again. I also tried a regular electric shaver once, and it was almost as bad. Maybe a different brand or model would work, but now I’m afraid to try.
Tried Nair twice. Once I didn’t leave it on long enough and the hair stayed on. I tried it again 2 weeks later and the hair came off, but the skin was really painful for days afterward.
Tried Smooth Away. Didn’t work.
So I just use the same Gillette Sensor Excel and shaving cream I use on my face. Lots of hot water, and take it slow. Helps to sit on the edge of the tub. Every once and a while I nick myself but it’s not as bad as on my face, and it stops bleeding very quickly.
Not perfect, but the least-bad option, and if you like your GF to suck on your balls, you do what you gotta do.
@tools 4 u: ‘most women’? I’m a woman and I don’t mind hairy balls. Maybe it’s because most guys I’ve been with wanted me to go down on their penis, not their balls. And I haven’t managed to deep throat all the way down to the hairy bits (big penises?). But by all means, shave if you are so inclined.
Laser Hair Removal can be done safely on one’s nads but the stronger the laser, the more pain you’ll feel. After one treatmen
do not WAX your balls…….. really. or if you do, have a pro doing it. waxing is really awesome, but whoever does it needs to be really good, otherwise the pain (which is always on a very high level when waxing down there for men and women) will be unbearable – for a taste check out youtube videos of brazilian waxing.,. and the girl’s skin is much tighter than your balls skin……….. laser is not good either since you need a high contrast between hair colour and skin colour (i.e. black thick hair and very pale skin) for it to work properly.
so, go ahead and carefully shave away shave. creams like nair are like shaving but smell awful.
Just for the record, I’m a straight male and I thought your advice to STH was spot on.
Sugaring is more gentle on the delicate parts than waxing and just as effective.
My boyfriend gets waxed sometimes (would more if it weren’t so expensive), and I really like it. I love him furry too, but the smooth balls and ass are just irresistable for me to lick and suck. He’s not someone with an unusually high pain threshhold and while he certainly doesn’t enjoy it, he said it was way less painful than he feared (and the first time is the worst). Shaving’s all very well and good, but it grows back so quickly–waxing lasts weeks (and this is on a very furry guy). As to how and where, we’re lucky to have a friend who’s a professional waxer, but I’ve seen it advertised at swanky waxing salons as the (shudder) “boyzilian.” Gay salons seem like an obvious possibility. Can always call and ask if the place offers waxing for men and, if so, ask whether they do “bikini area” waxing. All the terms are so coy and silly, but probably get a better response than, “Yo, lady, how much to wax my balls?”
Waxing is not universally painful. It depends on the skill of the waxer and the sensitivity of the waxee. Shaving works, but doesn’t last more than a few days. It’s tedious, and time consuming. Plus, once each has a few days regrowth, you have velcro during sex. I like mine smooth, I like his smooth. I haven’t seen a full growth of pubic hair in years. Find a good salon that caters to men, and have the boys waxed.
I just use a Shick Extreme and lots of shaving cream. Never had a nick.
If you want a wax job, just google “brazilian for men” and your city. There a few upscale places here in Toronto that will do that kind of waxing. It stings, but it’s not that bad with a good pro waxer.
And for the ladies that think it looks weird, maybe you are right, but skin on skin feels so good!
i feel like as long as both partners have a similar amount of pubes, hairy or hairless play one. otherwise you get bush burn.
CNUTY: you need to give a razor a try. You will not cut yourself and you will be surprised about how superior it is to all other methods. A trimmer is guaranteed to rip you up so DON’T USE ONE.
CNUTY: I forgot to mention: use it dry, no water, no shaving cream. Just trim the hair away. It really is quite great.
@9: For men and women, the initial connection between us is almost always physical. LOST isn’t talking about sustaining a relationship, he’s talking about starting one. Why wouldn’t he want to start one with a girl he’s attracted to? It’s only human nature, for men and women, to want people we think are ‘hot’.
cutting your genitals is hard to do..if you pull the skin taught, use a fresh razor and cream, and take your time. The skin is quite resilient!
I don’t have balls, but I think labia skin is similar to ball skin, though less stretchy?
Hairy balls aren’t a deal breaker for me, unless they are more like FURRY balls.
LOST sounds a little egotistical. Get over yourself, then you can talk to the women you’re attracted to.
As for MAD…he clearly hasn’t read your other columns. Sucks getting all upset over nothing!
Hey LOST, it’s quite simple really (although it took me years to figure it out)
Treat the ones you like like the ones you don’t like, and treat the ones you don’t like like the ones you like.
Ridiculous? of course, but hey that’s women for you.
thats an excellent suggestion, if you want a dysfunctional and abusive relationship
@ Tools 4 u #27
Hairy balls in my mouth don’t bother me. If the guy showers enough, all the loose hairs go down the shower drain instead of getting into my mouth. Balls with hair are kind of fuzzy and cute, balls without hair look like raw chicken parts or something. Or just little-kiddish. I would no more ask my guy to shave them than he would ask me to shave. He is also a hair appreciator. I trim, but mostly because I like the way it feels better. If I get lax about it he doesn’t even notice. (Although it should be noted that I’m not a very hairy person at all.) Honestly, most guys that I’ve actually been with prefer some hair, except for one, who was kind of a douche. You, however, are at least even-handed. No gender double standard about grooming which I respect. 😛
Dan? Misandrist? I beg to differ. If anything, Dan errs on the side of misogyny — not consistently, mind you, but he does suffer from occasional flare-ups of “girl cooties” phobia. (Canned Spam, anyone?)
There are a lot of razors out there made specifically for the bikini area… you can try looking at Walgreens… and use ALOT of shaving cream and EXTREMELY gentle strokes.
CNUTY, if you decide to try using a razor down there, use a fresh one every time. You’re more likely to nick yourself with a dull razor.
A little BenGay probably wouldn’t hurt anything, but be sure you don’t overdo it, GBOF. People have died from BenGay overdoses. If you don’t believe me, see:
http://www.scienceline.org/2007/08/13/as…
LOST, the sooner you stop seeing attractive women as another species you dare not approach, the better. Instead of trying to flirt with them, try befriending a few. You’ll find out they have insecurities and flaws just like you do.
If that doesn’t seem possible, find a good counselor who will help you develop your self-confidence and assertiveness. Being passive in bed is fine, but outside of bed, it’s unlikely to help you find someone who’s willing to indulge your fantasies! I’d save the BDSM meet-and-greets for when you’ve figured out how to be comfortable enough with yourself to go after what and whom you desire.
I find time after a good showering every few weeks and use my Wahl clippers with the shortest attachment in the pack. It’s enough trimmage to keep things neat for at least a few weeks. Personally I think baby butt smooth isn’t the greatest. With the clippers you can achieve some style. The Norelco bodygroom I tried became dull real fast and started pulling more hairs than it clipped, so I would recommend against that.
Stay away from NAIR. Burning sensation lasted hours. Now using razor, no nicks on balls, nicks often on part between sack and leg.
Take your time.
Some rational bias should be set in here for the dewhiskering of male genitals. So . . .
First, trim as much of the bush as will be taken off comfortably with a small pair of scissors. Then take a hot shower for at least ten minutes to soften the remaining stubble. When you are convinced that this is as soft as it likely will become, spread Noxema shaving cream for sensitive skin (the model in the red can), following the directions on the can before dispensing. Apply a thin coat of this cream to the area to be shaved; only a small area at one time. Begin shaving with a small safety razor ONLY, e.g., one of the inexpensive models by Gillette. All surfaces between the navel and the entire area between the buttocks can be shaved safely. But, be careful on scrotal skin, which is thinner and more sensitive than all other shaveable skin. As a further caution, be especially careful using scissors over scrotal skin. Don’t try to clip large patches from that skin. In the interest of safety, take as much time as needed by clipping no more than one or two hairs at once.
Depending somewhat on the hair growth patterns of an individual person, all shaved areas will resume hair growth shortly after shaving. If one likes the look and feel of shaved surfaces then a commitment must be made to stay with this procedure because hair in this region may regrow with the rapidity of facial hair.
The first two or three shavings may yield an uncomfortable itch. Ask your local pharmacist – by phone in a distant neighborhood if this kind of subject might cause you unease in person – to recommend an OTC skin powder to relieve this condition. Or, perhaps better yet, live with the itch and notice if it diminishes over a short time. As with all medications, the fewer the better!
Good Luck!