I am a 34-year-old straight, single female. My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There’s a sex club nearby that looks like it might cater to my fantasy, but can I just walk in off the street and bend over? Do I need to go a few times first and talk to people? That kind of kills the fantasy of it, really. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Take A Number
You could probably walk into a sex club and bend over—lord knows some gay men do just that—but it would be a bad idea.
But you can realize your fantasy, TAN, and here’s how: Most swingers clubs permit couples and single women to attend parties (sorry, single guys). Go to a few parties, keep your pants on, introduce yourself around, find a couple or two whom you click with. Share your fantasy with your new friends and ask if they might be interested in helping you realize it.
And your fantasy is totally realizable—I’ve seen very similar ones realized once or twice—but the only way to realize your fantasy safely is with a couple of trusted friends hovering nearby. You need someone there who’s making sure that men who take advantage of you in your bent-over-and-blindfolded state have condoms on and don’t attempt to do anything other than what you’ve consented to.
Sometimes realizing a fantasy requires a little suspension of disbelief, TAN, so you’ll just have to pretend your guardian angels aren’t there watching out for you. And if part of what makes the fantasy so hot is being a helpless sex object in a room full of strangers, you can always go with your friends to a different sex club, one where you don’t know anyone but that your new friends checked out for you in advance.
I’m a single, straight guy who just turned 30. Never had a serious relationship, had sex twice. Not for a lack of opportunity, but I wasn’t ready for it emotionally until I was about 25. I’m a good-looking guy with a good job. I’m funny, independent, and easygoing. But I feel like there is a wall preventing me from having a relationship. Part of it is that I like having my own space. I like solitude, but I feel like I could let someone in my life and make time for her and go from there. And another part of it is I cannot for the life of me flirt with a girl I find attractive. I can turn a girl I’m not attracted to beet red if I have to, but I get tongue-tied around girls I think are hot.
Now that I feel mature enough to have someone in my life, what can I do to break down this wall I’ve put up to protect myself?
Lonely One Seeks Ties
P.S. I should probably add that I’m a submissive. Not that I’m looking to be emotionally dominated or anything, but being tied up in a corner and only speaking when Mistress tells me it’s okay sounds pretty awesome.
I’m glad you included that postscript, LOST.
Google the term “munch,” along with “BDSM” and the name of the city where you live (or the nearest big city if you live in
buttfucknowhere). Munches are informal gatherings hosted by and for straight folks into BDSM; most are hosted by reputable BDSM or sex clubs—Orlando Power Exchange, Los Angeles’s Threshold Society, Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture—and nothing happens at a munch. No sex, no play, just conversation and lunch. You’ll meet other kinky straight folks who are interested in what you’re interested in, and you’ll be forced to interact with the women there—even the ones who typically leave you tongue-tied.
Serious question here: Does putting toothpaste or Bengay or whatever else on one’s scrotum cause sterility or have any other negative health effects?
Great Balls Of Fire
Um… nope. It would probably be for the best if the guys who’ve posted YouTube videos of themselves putting Bengay on their balls were all sterile, GBOF, but most will sadly reproduce.
I’m a pretty hairy dude. I like my hairy chest. I like growing a beard in the winter. I like my hairy arms and legs. The only place that I don’t like hair is my crotch. I shave my pubes pretty regularly, but I have long, scraggly, gross hairs all over my balls, which I could really do without. The thought of accidentally cutting myself down there has been a pretty good deterrent from going at it with a razor, and just the idea of putting some hair-removal product like Nair down there makes me wince. Is there a safe, easy, relatively pain-free way to get rid of this unsightly hair?
Clever Nickname Up To You
Um… nope. Waxing is the way to go, but it smarts.
Your advice for Seriously Troubled Here, the MARRIED MAN whose WIFE made out with another man (who she CLAIMS was gay) was the kind of knee-jerk anti-male bullshit and anti-male bias that straight men have come to expect from therapists, advice columnists, and “sex experts.” She gets drunk and flirts with other men and MAKES OUT WITH THEM, and he’s the douchebag?
Fuck you and your misandry. Men shouldn’t seek your advice because you’re clearly incapable of taking their side. You may not like pussy yourself, you cocksucker, but you’ll take the twat’s side every time. The world doesn’t need another asshole “advice professional” who sides with the woman no matter what she does.
Men Against Dan
Excuse me? I’m the advice columnist—I’m practically the only advice columnist—who doesn’t automatically leap to the woman’s side in a dispute. I’m the guy who tells women that all men watch porn (so get over it or get a dog), that oral comes standard (sucking cock and eating pussy), and that under certain circumstances a husband (or a wife) has a right and a responsibility to cheat (just because you’re not interested in sex anymore doesn’t mean he has to go without for the rest of his life). You won’t get that from Prudie or Amy or Carolyn.
Sorry, MAD, and everyone else who wrote in: I stand behind my advice to STH. His wife was apologetic and recognized that her behavior would have to change because it was, at the very least, deeply upsetting to her husband. She also confessed to kissing another dude, a gay dude, two years before they married, and he was having trouble forgiving her. If the roles were reversed—husband kissed lesbian two years before the wedding and wife couldn’t forgive and move on—you can bet your clenched butts that I would’ve called the wife a douchebag.
For crying out loud, MAD, I’ve told wives—and husbands—to forgive and forget infidelities. Did you really expect me to tell STH to leave his wife over a kiss?
Hairless pubes look pre-pubescent to me. I can’t understand the attraction. But hey.. to each their own. Though, I’d probably dump anyone who insisted I shave my natural red ones.
@11: You’re joking, right? Prudie is the perfect name for her, b/c she’s such a sanctimonious, judgmental prude, I get sick every time I read her. Amy & Carolyn are no better. Who told these dames to be an advice columnist, you have to shred any sense of humility & vulnerability?
I don’t agree w/ Dan all of the time, but his hit-to-miss ration is pretty high (i.e. lots more hits compared to the few misses. imo.) PLUS the big factor is his simple practicality. He doesn’t write to create a perfect world, just one that people can get along a little bit better.
And no, I have no connection to DS at all. I just can’t stand those three biddies. Judith Martin (Miss Manners) is cool, I just wish she’s bring her common-sense approach to the bedroom. But that’s why I read SL.
As a licensed esthetician, I would strongly advise against waxing your balls unless you are into cock and ball torture. In which case, hire a dom! Your waxer is not a sex worker, thx.
A couple of things to keep in mind:
1 Your balls are saggy
Waxing an area with saggy skin, such as your balls, for example, could prove problematic, because it’s probably going to be difficult to keep the skin taut. If the skin is not held perfectly taut the hair may be difficult to remove. In which case, you may have to go over the same area more than once (ouch!).
2 Typical methods of pain reduction are unlikely to work on your balls.
It would most likely be very difficult to make the experience any less painful. Typically, pain is staunched/reduced by slapping or compressing the area that has just been waxed. I don’t have balls, but the way you guys are always adjusting your junk, I’m assuming that most of you would prefer not to have slapping or compression as a method of “pain reduction”- it would probably be counterproductive as pain management.
Another method is to work smaller patches of hair at a time to reduce pain, but in the case of your balls, where pain may be cumulative, that probably would only intensify the pain, because it would take so much longer to finish waxing your balls in such small patches.
In summary, a good clean balls waxing would require that your balls be pinched, tugged, slapped and compressed, all while your hair is being pulled from the root. Not for those with low pain tolerance, for sure. If anything, make sure your esthetician has a few years of experience under her belt and has waxed balls before.
Great question though. Since I’ve never done a balls waxing, I’m not actually sure what I would recommend instead. Threading or sugaring maybe? That tends to work best on sensitive skin. Maybe there are some esthies out there who have and can comment about the best way to remove balls hairs? I would like to know now, too.
Good luck cnuty 😉
@30
I know that my guy prefers it when his balls are sucked (which can be done without deep-throating balls-deep), and I’m sure he’s not the only guy that likes that. So I can understand if some ladies prefer the balls to be hairless in that case, though I’m completely fine with hair, so long as everything is clean.
I shave my balls all the time and have never nicked or cut myself. Trim the hair short to start and keep it shaved. No problem.
TAN, move to NEW Orleans !!!!!!!!!!!!
TAN, move to NEW Orleans !!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the woman who’d like to be f##ked blindfolded at a sex club by strangers — wouldn’t that be a situation that could be covered by the female condom?
Never had experience of either, but from what I’ve read on blogs, the female condom might suffice for safe sex, if not for her safety otherwise.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_condom
The vibrating razor heads are amazing at clearing the blades so that you get a more or less fresh set (of blades) for every stroke. DO NOT use the vibrate function while actually shaving, just to unclog the blades. It goes very very fast that way.
DITTO @ 26!
I’ve been removing hair down there for 35+ years. The Norelco BodyGroom is the best device ever invented for removing male genital hair- dick, balls and ass. If it nicks at all (rare) they are micro-nicks that seal up completely within 5 seconds. Mostly just easy, quick, clean and nick-free hair removal. At $40, less than half the price of a wax job and infinitely less humiliating.
…can I get LOST’s phone number?
Gay male mid 40’s with hair growing in places that never had hair before….
I agree with the above the electric clippers are the best. You’re not going to get totally smooth hairless balls (which on a grown man would look child like and thus strange) but you’ll end up with a nice pair of trimmed “manscaped” balls.
Every other week, I clip my entire pubic and ass area with the smallest clipper guard i have and it looks neat, natural and most importantly age appropriate.
BTW: I have a small amount of back hair, mostly on my upper shoulder area, and i get that waxed once a month from my local gay hairdresser, $35 bucks for wax and a haircut – a great deal. But for the least expensive way, got to a beauty school, where they usually do waxing for less than $20.
As a matter of fact, i got a facial at a beauty school the other day for $30 and it was just as good as the $90 facials i get at the fancy gay spa i used to frequent. I’m sold on beauty schools.
A little off topic…. but for those guys on Propecia for hair loss, a friend of mine clued me into that the active ingredient in Propecia is called Finasteride. You can buy Finasteride marketed as Proscar at 5th of what you’re paying for Propecia – Propecia is just a marketing name. Go with Proscar 5mg, cut it into 4 pieces and take one piece a day. Talk to your doctor.
PS: Men never get your ass waxed, did it once and got ingrown hair because I sit on my ass all day at work and the hairs just got all gross and ingrown, it two about weeks to get back to normal. Again, clippers with the smallest guard.
shaving cream drys my skin, and irritates my mysterious lady bits. Today I shaved with a new Schick Quatro and silicone lube. I can’t use the lube with my favorite toys, so I figured might as well see what else it’s good for. Works like magic–smooth, close shave, no nicks, just really really slippery. I’ve tried everything–soap, cream, conditioner–this is the best so far! Still prefer to have it waxed, but that gets spendy.
I would sure love to be in the club with TAN, in fact I wish she would marry me
Is there any way to get LOST’s contact info?? 😀
@ 63,
Beauty schools are a great bargain.
CNUTY,
If you’re a devoted DIY-er and don’t want to visit a professional, you can prune the hedges with a beard trimmer.
I can understand being worried about the effects of Bengay — who knows what’s in that stuff — but toothpaste? What comceivable harm could toothpaste do? It’s made to go in your MOUTH.
Most shaving cream is SOAP – in one form or another. Using Noxzema face cream as an underlay, you can eliminate ‘razor burn’ etc – work wells on gonads as well – but really, leave ’em alone!
So…I’m really curious–if munches are only for the straight kinksters, where are all the non-straight kinky people hanging out? I read your response to LOST, Dan, and then read it aloud to my kinky boyfriend, and we both boggled over the repeated use of the word straight. Every munch we’ve ever been to (which, granted, is only with one particular group in one particular city) welcomed people of all sexual orientations.
@63: Disagree about avoiding the rear. I sit at a desk all day and never have a problem (after my first attempt or two, anyway), although I use an epilator instead of waxing (same effect: out by the roots).
The key is to exfoliate (not just for girls anymore!) and moisturize (ditto!). Get yourself a loofah/shower sponge/whatever and an exfoliating shower scrub, and go to town regularly. Over-exfoliating can lead to drying which causes wrinkles, so moisturize afterwards.
Hi hairy guy–the Norelco body trimmer works great–smooth balls, no cuts, and the online video demo is about the funniest thing out there. It cost $20 or $30 online if I remember correctly. Works great keeping the back door tidy too.
Hi hairy guy–the Norelco body trimmer works great–smooth balls, no cuts, and the online video demo is about the funniest thing out there. It cost $20 or $30 online if I remember correctly. Works great keeping the back door tidy too.
Hi hairy guy–the Norelco body trimmer works great–smooth balls, no cuts, and the online video demo is about the funniest thing out there. It cost $20 or $30 online if I remember correctly. Works great keeping the back door tidy too.
The guy with hairy balls could try just trimming. Leave enough so it’s still soft.
Personally the idea of stubble growing in down there makes me cringe. And I don’t even have balls. Don’t know why men do it. Think of the chafing!
Wow, that last letter was a vile piece of crap. I can’t stand the victimization attitude in either men or women–it’s very unattractive. Clearly, Men Against Dan has some low-self esteem issues, and he’s also a jack-ass to boot. I am a guy and I love reading Dan’s column. Too bad that Ben Gay really doesn’t cause infertility because I would love to mail that douche Men Again Dan a whole crate load and tell him to rub away!
For CNUTY: Nair and depilatory creams don’t hurt. They smell funky as fuck, but they don’t burn or anything. If he’s afraid of pain or razor nicks, nair might be the way to go. Also, electric razors are a lot like hair trimmers–they have a guard on them so they’re less likely to catch the skin. Take it from the ladies–we’ve tried it all.
misandry was a word i did not know.
wow. you sure do deal with some crazy, huh dan?
For LOST: I used to have a lot of difficulty talking to guys I was attracted to. I also have anxiety issues and I was taught a really good way to prepare yourself for situations that make you anxious. With plenty of practice its really helped me.
Visualize yourself talking to a woman you think is hot. Get as detailed as you can. Now, imagine the situation with the worst possible (but stay realistic) outcome. Describe to yourself your reactions and how it makes you feel (it might help to write this down). Now let go of that scenario and start over, but this time imagine the best possible outcome. Again, describe how it makes you feel.
Imagining the worst outcome will help you realize that it probably isn’t as bad as you fear it might be. It will also give you some experience with feeling rejected so when it does happen (and if you put yourself out there’s a good chance it will) you are better equipped to handle those feelings.
Other than that, like with anything else, the more practice you get, the easier it will become.
Has Savage talked about this story yet?
http://www.latimes.com/news/nation-and-w…
@LOST
In the year 2010, you can easily find either a swingers club or a swingers group that contains enough available men (no guarantees on their marital status, mind) to make your fantasy a reality. In fact, almost every major city in America *seems* to have at least one club or group that allows for that type of scenario. And if you can’t find a club that allows single men to visit (or preferably to join, as single males members {heh} are scrutinized {heh, heh} with more diligence than the average swinger couple), visit any club/group as a single female and watch in amazement as all but the most jaded patrons bow at your feet and suddenly “remember” that they “Once knew this guy who seemed really cool even though he wasn’t bringing anything to the table by the way what are you doing on Saturday? No, *after* you get banged… We have a hot tub.” Meet a few couples at the club, get a few references, ask the owner of manager about setting something up on an available weeknight, and you’ll be knee-deep in cocks in no time.
I can’t believe that I just used the words “members” and “scrutinized” in the same sentence.
OMG Dan, I (and my clenched butt) adore you!!
I think LOST’s scenario is incredibly hot, and I’ve often thought about going to a sex club as a single woman, but I’m kind of fat and not terribly hot. How likely am I to get in let alone get any action?
Er…in what situation exactly does one ‘have to’ turn a girl beet red?
Congrats Dan! Your first MRA troll! You have ascended to the heights of bloggerdom.
You can’t say nair doesn’t hurt, it is different depending on the person. For me, it gives me terrible chemical burns after a few minutes, for some people it is fine.
Test it in a different area than your balls before you use it!
@9: I think you may be guilty of assuming that when LOST says a woman is “hot” he means “conventionally good-looking”. Maybe he simply means “attractive to me”, in the exact sense you’re encouraging.
@53: The confusion is that “Dear Prudie” became a different person some time in 2007. Now it’s Emily Yoffe, whose advice I like a lot, and who seems to be insightful and broadminded and kind of hip. Before it was Margo Howard, the daughter of “Dear Abby”, whose advice was old-school and exactly the kind Dan does not give or approve of. She now has her own separate “Dear Margo” franchise.
@88: Good point, because whether it’s the one or the other, “objective” or “subjective”, the outcome is the same.
OTOH, I think that people who are really attractive in a conventional way ARE different, a lot of the time. The world sure as hell will treat you differently if you’re super-good-looking (or super-ugly), and that changes the kind of person you are.
So #9’s claim that “our physicality [doesn’t say] anything about our personalities” is actually total bullshit, because almost everyone I know who’s gorgeous has expectations that are at least partly predicated on the doors they can open, and the attention they get, because of their looks. It’s like being born into a wealthy family: if you’re not, you have to earn a lot of things that come more easily to those who are.
getting the narsty long hairs on your scrote down to a manageable length is FAR easier than actually waxing your wrinkly underside until it shines. Invest fifteen bucks in a cheap beard trimmer (the kind with a guard like the barber uses to buzz your neck hairs) and trim those suckers short. No wax, no pain, and no risk of nasty razor knicks.
Fantastic advice for all this week. Your advice to STH was still shit and I’ll stand beside that until the end of time. MAD was hilariously vitriolic, though. Thanks for that. If anyone wants similar hilarity, check out anything from a “men’s right activist” blog.
Remember kids: cheating is defined by your partner, not you. If you don’t like your partner’s definition, get a different one.
Good advice to TAN. Sometimes fantasies are just too risky/insane, and you have to modify them slightly. I am sure if enough strangers outnumber her friends watching her, the feeling of helplessness will still be there.
Don’t feel to annoyed with MAD’s email. There are a lot of people out there that like to use the word mysandrist. I once had to TA a class about domestic violence and sexual abuse. The prof did not even take on a patriarchal perspective; she talked about abuse as a relationship issue, yet she was called a mysandrist. This one kid kept calling her a mysandrist, becaus according to him, she spent too much time talking about homicide and aggravated assault, and not enough time on “other forms of domestic violence”. I agree with creezy, people that view themselves as victims are annoying.
Dan,
Thanks for consistently going to bat for Guys (and Ladies) everywhere. The ‘misandry’ comment was a total joke.
Don’t let the haters get you down.
You go Dan! Can’t believe Mad got so…mad=D. I did learn a new word though, misandry. Thanks Mad, lord there are too many of them around. And their counterparts the Miss oginists. Anger is a secondary emotion often insulating, (protecting?) someone from the pain, fear, or sadness they are really feeling under the anger. BUT, the John Wayne’s of the world have forced men into this disconnect from men’s true emotions. Sadness ain’t cool, so blame, and corece them to you will, that’s what a real man does. I don’t know what excuse the misandrists have, but the solution is easy.. Take more love, less hate and call me in the morning.
I’m a girl, so I have no experience with hairy balls. But I have plenty of experience with laser, waxing, and shaving my pussy. Laser is EXTREAMLY painful in such a sensitive area, and waxing left me with a terrible rash ( though it was fine on my legs). Shaving is pretty good. I know in our local alternative newspaper, there are adds for alternative ‘barbers’ (mr baldnuts). I live in Vancouver. If our hairy friend lives in a large city, he could probably find an alternative barber with nut shaving experience, whose profesional reputation would be on the line if he sliced off a nut.
Misandry? For telling a guy who was worried about a kiss that happened two years before they got married, which the wife herself admitted, and which she was ready to amend for?
Geez. Some people see misandry everywhere. And this is part of the problem. The ‘misandry’ people are turning into no-balls male versions of the extreme ‘misogyny’ people: both want to see big outrageous offenses everywhere. Rather than concentrating on real problems, they will… blather on about Dan’s advice to a guy whose wife kissed someone else two years before they were married. Wow, way to go guys. Soon you’ll make yourselves as ridiculous as the radical feminists.
Actually, cross out the ‘soon’ in the previous sentence.
I’m a chick and NOTHING works to get rid of hair on my vag. Shaving, waxing, even chemical creams….everything turns the peach from bikini line to the edges of the lips into a mess, I get rashes so bad it looks like a bee hive went down on me. It doesn’t matter how careful and gentle I am or if a professional does it. Gaaaaar!
The only I thing I can do is trim, very carefully, with little scissors — which is a tricky, pokey proposition, and shave with a 3 blade Gillette the peripheral and douse it in rubbing alcohol to keep the bumps down.
Additionally, I shampoo and condition my pubes, because I figure if I have to have an unstylish coif, it might as well be pretty and soft.
Hair holds moisture. Moisture breeds bacteria. Bacteria causes stink. Most really hairy guys have no idea how funky they can smell down there. By all means, SHAVE.
Nooooooooo …. don’t shave. Unless you want a trip to the clinic to get some steroid cream, for the resulting rash. Or if you’re dead set on it, maybe just shave a tiny little bit, and leave it for a week, and see what sort of reaction you get.
But a short trim will give you all the benefits of shaving, with none of the disasterous side effects.
Been there, done that.
Wow. Shaving your nuts is now right up there with Rocket Science and Brain Surgery. Dude, get a disposable razor, get in the shower and shave your sack. You’ll figure it out. Really. You will.
For the record, there’s one way in which J Sisters in NYC is not overhyped (despite Sex & the City overexposure): they wax men, balls’n’all, without a blink. Expect to pay about $80, though, and to get an older lady with limited English.