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I read the letter from the woman who had cheated on her ex and now wants to patch it up. I have a similar situation, except it was my ex-girlfriend who cheated on me. We’d been living together for a few years—we were engaged—and then she suddenly moved out “temporarily” to “work out some issues,” then dumped me several weeks later for trumped-up reasons.
So I went into her e-mail to find out WTF had happened and learned about the paramour, when she actually started fucking him, and so on. Even though she was a lying, cheating whore in any objective sense, I do feel bad about violating her privacy. Well, she was furious and basically hates my guts now, more than a year later. I reached out once around six months ago via e-mail, but got shot down. I just want to forgive and be forgiven.
Can’t Think
Of Anything Clever
You are a huge pussy, CTOAC—excuse me, sorry. Pussies are powerful; they can take pummeling and spit out a brand-new human being. What you are, CTOAC, is weak, vulnerable, and far too sensitive for your own good.
What you are is a ball sack.
Stop asking for your ex-girlfriend’s absolution, sacky, stop begging for her forgiveness. So long as you’re crawling to her, she can go on pretending that she was the injured party in your relationship. Forgive you? There’s no reason for her to do that—there’s no upside for her. So long as you’re standing there wringing your hands and acting like a cringing, wounded pussy—excuse me: a dangling, freshly slapped ball sack—she wins. Move the fuck on already, sacky.
I’m a married woman in my 40s who has lately admitted that I hate being penetrated by a dick. I love sucking a dick and love having a dildo in me. I also love having sex with a man—as long as he is not penetrating me with his own personal cock. So my question is, are there other women out there who enjoy sex with men but don’t want a dick inside them?
No Cocks
Wouldn’t the more pertinent question be, “Are there men out there who enjoy sex with women but don’t want their dicks inside them? And is my HUSBAND one of them?” Whether there are women out there who share your fondness for men but aversion to cock is only relevant if you’re looking to form a support group. And if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on, NC, it’s your husband, not you.
I was seeing a girl every other week for about four months. We only used condoms for birth control, but we always used them and we were careful. Two months after I ended it, she told me that three weeks previous she found out that she was pregnant and a few days later miscarried. Obviously, I was surprised and also concerned for her. We talked about it a few times over the phone, even though I’m seeing somebody else now.
Emotionally, she has not been dealing with the situation very well. She says that she cries whenever she sees babies. I’ve been making an effort to be supportive, but she thinks that I could be doing more. She also told me after we stopped seeing each other that she is in love with me. Which brings us to the issue: She’s been getting therapy since the miscarriage. She thinks I should help pay for her therapy; I’m reluctant, but I want to do what’s right. On the one hand, I did get her pregnant, and the pregnancy/miscarriage was the catalyst for her seeking therapy. On the other hand, it was a casual relationship and she has other personal issues. Obviously, if she were pregnant now, I would pay or at least help pay for an abortion. But she’s not pregnant. She’s unhappy, and I’m not sure what the scope of my responsibility is for that.
What Do I Do?
P.S. I’ve been reading your column for years, and I think it has had a profoundly positive impact on my life: Thank you.
It saddens me when someone with such a colossally defective bullshit detector signs off with “I’ve been reading you for years.” Perhaps you have, WDID, but to seemingly little effect.
Forgive me for being blunt: How do you know she got pregnant and had a miscarriage? Because she told you so. Did it not occur to you that she might have made this all up in an effort—successful thus far—to retain your attention, if not your affections?
Don’t pay for her therapy, don’t spend all day on the phone with her, and don’t believe everything you’re told.
In fairness: There’s a small chance she isn’t lying, WDID; according to Planned Parenthood, if you were using condoms carefully and correctly, there’s a 2 percent chance your ex could have gotten pregnant. Even so, your emotional obligations to her ended when the relationship did, and your financial obligations ended with the miscarriage.
I’m a straight girl who started dating this straight guy six months ago. Three months in, he told me he is a crossdresser. I was curious what it would be like to have sex with him dressed. It brought our sex life to a new level that is very pleasing to both of us. The problem is that I find myself very sexually attracted to him dressed. I’m not as attracted to him when he isn’t dressed, and the sex isn’t as exciting for me. He said he’s happy to dress for sex, and although I like that, now I’m afraid of getting into a routine where we will only enjoy sex in that way and down the road I may grow tired of the dressed sex and crave a regular guy. I think we both lower our inhibitions when we have sex while he’s dressed. I guess I don’t understand why.
Confused And Curious
When he’s dressed, he’s giving himself permission to live out his fantasies (with an assist from you); when you see him dressed, your inhibitions lift because, hey, there’s no way you can freak out or outfreak the boyfriend.
Routines can be deadly, of course, but I wouldn’t worry about being stuck in a rut. You’ve only been doing this for a few months, and his crossdressed ass is still a shiny new toy. And you can’t simultaneously worry that you’ll come to only enjoy sex while he’s dressed up and that you’ll grow bored with sex while he’s dressed up. If you continue to enjoy dressed-up sex, you won’t get bored; if you get bored, go back to non-dressed-up sex.
So I have to know, Dan: What is your opinion on vajazzling?
Vajazzle Azzle Gadazzle
Asking for my opinion on vajazzling, VAG, is like asking a vegan for her opinion on the wallpaper in a steak house. I’m simply too revolted by what’s on the menu to take much notice of the decor.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Sorry, uploading was just really laggy.
BTW, I went to the Vjazzle site to see what was up with that… Kathy Griffith getting it done poolside? Sheesh. Anyway, it’s really done near the top of the panty line. It’s more tummy dazzling. No more shocking (or classy) than a tramp stamp. I’m thinking the 15 minutes are almost over…next!
@49 I wasn’t whining, I was just pointing out the hypocrisy of it. Would a gay person who got offended by someone “joking” about how revolting and gross they think gay sex is be considered “humourless”? I don’t think being offended by having your body called revolting is a feminist thing. I think it’s pretty universal.
@12:
Nobody expects Dan to find pussy sexy. But when he consistently goes out of the way to announce to his readers that he thinks pussy is EEEEWWW, GROSS (with a few exclamation points and some fake-gagging sounds thrown in for good measure), he kind of looks like a jerk. And Dan was clearly using VAG’s (admittedly ill-advised) letter as an anti-vag platform; there was nothing else of substance in his response.
C’mon, Dan — this “I hate pussy” schtick is tired. Nobody’s going to break into your house and redecorate it with Georgia O’Keefe paintings if you stop reminding us that pussy gives you the heebie-jeebies. Next time you have a few extra lines to kill, just print a letter from a dog-fucker or something.
@24:
Good on you for being yourself. The world needs more people who dress the way they want to dress, however unconventional it may be. I’m a woman, and I’ve always felt deeply uncomfortable in skirts and dresses. Most of the time, this isn’t an issue, but every so often I’m expected to dress “like a lady,” which exasperates me to no end. I’ve reached the point where I say “to hell with it.” If you won’t have me at your wedding/Bar Mitvah/party/whatever in a formal suit instead of a dress, then clearly I don’t belong there in the first place.
Sacky, sacky, sacky! Love it, Dan. Such a nice pro-pussy letter, agitating against calling those sacky people ‘pussies.’ And then you get called anti-woman, shame.
@48 AND 51
Amanda, if you’re this easily offended, you’re in for a lifetime of insult and outrage. Sounds like fun.
Why not focus on the millions of straight men who really really LIKE vaginas? Dan was asked his opinion, and he gave it (hilariously, as usual). Are you asking him not to be honest?
Why do you give a shit that a gay man doesn’t want to be near vaginas? I just don’t get it.
@54
Amanda, you WERE whining. And calling Dan a hypocrite is hypocritical. First, you assume that HE takes offense at straight people being grossed out by gay sex. How do you know that? I’ll bet if he asked someone their opinion, he’d accept their answer without telling them how wrong they were for having that opinion. Remember, Dan was ASKED.
I think you’re mistaking tolerance for advocacy. We all just need to put up with each other’s right to have diffferent opinions.
And just because some gay man is grossed out by pussy doesn’t make me feel bad about mine. Do you really let other people’s comments affect your self worth? That whole… “women feel bad enough about themselves” argument just makes me want to hurl. Knock it off.
ggg,
I’m actually not assuming he takes offense at straight people being grossed out by gay sex. He’s *illustrated* that he takes offense to this by crusading against it — most recently, remember his tirade against Nancy Elliot’s characterization of gay sex as gross?
If someone asked me my opinion about gay sex and I thought it was absolutely disgusting — which I don’t — I’d just say it’s not for me, I wouldn’t rant about how gross and revolting I think it is because I have a bit more sensitivity than that. I wouldn’t tell a person his body is gross just because I don’t personally find his body physically attractive. It’s just gauche. Nobody appreciates being told that his or her body is revolting. Dan can’t help being gay and I can’t help that I was born with a vagina, so why should either of us be condemned as gross?
Lesbians of America, as a man, I am deeply offended! Some of you find male genitalia disgusting. Some of you are even willing to say so publicly! Please, lesbians, reassure me, a man you have no particular personal connection to, that my penis is beautiful. I can’t sleep comfortably at night.
the vajazzling reminds me of cracked.com’s clitter. Its so sad that a product like that actually exists
http://www.cracked.com/video_16077_clitt…
Too
“I also find it offensive when gay men talk about how gross…they find vaginas…a lot of WOMEN feel grossed out and ashamed of how their vaginas look for no other reason than a lot of negative reinforcement.”
Playing the good ol’ victim card to it’s fullest.
I’ve heard a lot of lesbians, newly single and scorn straight women talk about how disgusted they are by the penis…but for some reason I’ve never heard of men feeling ashamed of their man-rig or offended that there are some that don’t like all things phallic.
Gee @16, I thought commenting on the column was the purpose of this forum. I certainly prefer that type of comment to yours, which complains about someone giving their personal opinion on a blog (oh, the horror), and then poses a question that has nothing to do with the column, and that Dan will probably never read, in order to demonstrate some insider knowledge which marks you as one of the cool kids on the bus.
I don’t care if on a personal level he thinks ladyparts are revolting but really a SEX COLUMNIST shouldn’t go on about how gross he thinks your genitals are. Minimum job qualification stuff.
I still like his column and I value his political stances but yeah, he could write neutrally instead of being hateful or graphically insulting.
There seems to be a strange conflation here between “not sexually attracted to” and “revolted by” occurring here.
Yes, Dan, as a gay man, is obviously not sexually attracted female genitalia, but he seems to go out of his way to emphasize that point, given the slightest chance. That’s is at least what is bothersome to me: for somone who claims to promote a relatively sex-positive enviroment, he seems to be awfully negative about half the world’s genitalia.
While I understand that his dislike of vaginas is personal taste, I think that it might behoove him to consider how negative he sounds when he expresses revulsion for them.
It’s true, there are not a lot of people out there talking about how esthetically pleasing the cock and ball set is, either. And it isn’t just lesbians thinking that; me and my girlfriends have sat around laughing over drinks about the irony of being so completely enamored and entranced about something as visually silly/ugly as a man’s junk. It’s wobbly, lumpy, veiny and hairy and god have mercy, you just can’t stay away from it. I’m a straight female, and find female genitals a bit… well, let’s just say they don’t appeal. I don’t think they’re dirty, or nasty or shameful. Nor do I feel that way about my pancreas. I don’t want to have to look at it while I’m eating dinner. And my pancreas isn’t as much fun to share with close friends.
But both versions of standard-issue genitalia are fairly strange-looking, in my opinion; whether you find them strange/gag/Eww, or find them strange/compelling/in your mouth is one life’s coy little hints about your orientation.
So, apparently, based on his reaction to lady bits, Dan’s queer.
Who knew?
http://christwire.org/2010/03/vajazzling…
get an opinion Dan, quick!
Agreed, 64. I’ve just noticed some gay guys seem to think it’s just cute to joke about how disgusting they think vaginas are, and it comes off as a bit misogynistic in my opinion. One gay friend’s description of vag — “It’s like God just started slashing” — or another friend’s joking explanation of how he came out of the closet — “I came out of my mother’s vagina holding my nose, and that’s how they knew I was gay” — seem really harsh to me, as does Dan’s joke. Just because you’re a gay guy who doesn’t want to fuck pussy, it doesn’t give you impunity to insult women’s bodies without anyone being offended or hurt. I’m sure gay guys don’t want their bodies or what they do with their bodies labeled revolting or gross, so why do it to women?
You know, the other thing that seems to have escaped most of the posters here (and perhaps the maner of the “vajazzling” is that it is not the vagaina itself that is being decorated; it is the pudenda.
The point is that, while the practice is of course meant to draw attention to the pundenda and hint at the vagina, Dan’s comment is a bit out of place, because he stated an revulsion towards vagina, which is in fact not decorated in vajazzling.
#64, EXACTLY. And right, because I’m sure the men here calling us humorless bitches would just be cracking up at a female sex columnist repeatedly calling their genitalia revolting, and they wouldn’t respond to that shit at all.
If you think that it’s “hateful” that a gay man merely states his personal distaste for female genitalia – and seriously, that really is all he did! He didn’t universalize it or anything! – then your threshold for “hateful” really is comically low.
Why would you be so invested in Dan Savage pretending that he might personally find your vagina beautiful? Am I to be horrified about the fact that there exist women who find penises gross and funny-looking? And if I were to complain about a woman saying she found penises gross and funny-looking, how would it _not_ sound completely whiny and ridiculous, as though I expected the whole world to gently tiptoe around my personal body image issues?
@20. I love you.
@59
Amanda, Nancy Elliot’s tirade is a bit different. She’s a politician trying to pass anti-gay legislation that affect their civil rights. And, BTW, no one asked her to describe her strange and misguided version of gay sex (like she would fucking know). Dan WAS asked for his opinion (which did not affect your civil liberties, but I guess it hurt your feelings).
Dan did not say vaginas are revolting. He said HE was revolted by them. Not everyone has to love your vagina. Hopefully the folks you hop in bed with do. There are people in the world who don’t want to see your twat. Deal with it.
That said, I think Dan’s stance has been decidedly pro twat, pro cock and pro oral sex for all sexes (how many times have you heard him tell a gal who lamented not gettin cunnilingus t to DTMFA? He says hetero men should be licking their lady’s labia enthusiastically… if that ain’t pro-twat I don’t know what is). I don’t think he should back down from this humorous remark, as people are asking him to. He was simply noting the irony that he was asked at all.
Without his honesty and wit, Dan wouldn’t be worth reading. Which is why I wish you babies would STFU and quit telling him what he shouldn’t be allowed to say in his column. The last thing we need is another PC columnist.
#70, I was the one saying feminists already have a rep for being humorless (at least I started it). And I’m a gal.
Ball sack!! I love it!!
Ha ha ha ha ha!!
@73
For the record, I was never insisting that everyone has to be sexually attracted to vaginas, OR telling Savage what he should or shouldn’t say. I was just stating my opinion about something. Just like Dan is allowed to say he thinks vaginas are revolting, other people are allowed to have an opinion about it.
I was totally amused and could have taken the vagina joke in stride, but it didn’t sit well, I guess, because it was easily toppled over when heading into the comments. I started reading with an “oh please” sort of attitude, and came out of it thinking, well, shit, I’d probably be pretty conscious of it if I ever met Dan. I would be crossing my legs thinking, he’d rather look at dead things than think about what’s under my skirt.
Thankfully, I was reminded of the fact that I don’t need everyone to love my parts any more than I need everyone to appreciate my haircut. It’s just nice when someone does, and when someone doesn’t I do a mental “fu” and keep on walking. Dan’s just honest, like when I make a gaggy face at a plate of fish and my parents get bummed out and say I’m being disrespectful. Damn right it’s disrespectful, but my soulmate will let my gaggy faces slide and eat his fish anyway.
To echizen_kurage @ 55
I’m the cross dresser @ 24. Thanks for your support. I will have no problem having you at my wedding wearing a formal suit…. Hopefully I’ll be the one wearing an elegant wedding gown 🙂
I Fcking love you Mr. Savage. I read you from Chile every week.
I wanna congratulate you for that awesome term you used: “ball sack”. It actually has a chillean (not really spanish ’cause not every spanish speaker understand it) “literal” translation: saco’eweas. I really suggest you: go out and ask a chilean what does “saco’eweas” mean WIDELY, it’s one the most beautiful chilean words.
Off course, i don’t agree with you, as i do mostly. I don’t think it’s bad to be a little selfish and do what you tell him to do, but i also think it’s not bad to be a little, not insanely, naive and caring, even for people who you don’t give a fuck. It’s one of the good things this atheist thinks are good from christianism (theorically xD).
Re: The male version of vajazzling (too lazy to scroll back and fine the #) if you head over to Em & Lo, they had a discussion about this awhile back, and the term selected was “gonazzling.” Which would, if you think about it, perhaps give “sacky” that extra zing to help him rediscover his lost cojones.
http://www.emandlo.com/2010/03/wise-guys…
@68
“One gay friend’s description of vag — “It’s like God just started slashing” — or another friend’s joking explanation of how he came out of the closet — “I came out of my mother’s vagina holding my nose, and that’s how they knew I was gay”
Okay, that is just fecking hilarious, even funnier than Dan’s “ham dropped from a great height.” …and yes, I do happen to be the owner of a canned ham…
Sometimes I feel embarrassed to be a woman. Tonight is one of those times. And no, it’s not because Dan thinks my pussy is revolting…it’s because of the Pussy Power Brigade taking offense to stupid things.
Dan isn’t supposed to like pussy. If Dan liked pussy, Dan wouldn’t be the Dan we know and love. But, a mere FEW PARAGRAPHS above his personal opinion about the vag, he talked about what a powerful, life-giving thing it is (and referred to it before ball-sack, Emalie, because pussy is a widely-used term for “spineless, lily-livered yellow-belly”…as if you didn’t already know that).
I’m sorry some women hate their pussies…I’m not exactly fond of mine, personally, except for that it gives me extraordinary pleasure and has magically delivered two gigantic offspring and managed to recover to again deliver previously-mentioned pleasure…but I’m not going to wear a die-cast model of it around my neck or anything. But Jesus, if anybody hates their pussy, it sure as shit isn’t because they read Savage Love. Savage Love makes me love my pussy WAY more than I used to…even if Dan would wretch at the thought of partaking in this particular delicacy.
(Also? Dan doesn’t pull fucking punches. Ever. He called a writer “sacky.” This column is as much about entertainment as it is about sex advice, so asking him to act “neutral” like a therapist is morally obligated to do is nonsensical.)
Yeah! What krista1203 said!
No Cocks: I’m a married woman in my 40s who has lately admitted that I hate being penetrated by a dick. I love sucking a dick and love having a dildo in me. I also love having sex with a man—as long as he is not penetrating me with his own personal cock.
How interesting. I wonder why she has that revulsion for feeling a real cock inside of her. She says “lately admitted” so was it something she always hated but put up with before now, or has she just changed her mind? I’m sure she’ll be able to find a man who’s compatible with what she wants, but I’d certainly never be interested in a woman like her.
Dan: I’m simply too revolted by what’s on the menu to take much notice of the decor.
I’m straight and have no desire to suck or touch another man’s cock, yet I don’t find cocks revolting because I have one (and, while it may not be an artistic masterpiece, I’m rather fond of it.)
But I can understand why a gay man like Dan might be revolted by pussy, because not only doesn’t he want to touch or taste one, but he doesn’t have one. I would think it quite rare to be revolted by something that’s part of you.
Okay, Dan. So what about penazzling? That would be only one of several potential names listed in the article for male vdazzling, or whatever it is.
http://theberry.com/2010/04/13/jennifer-…
It saddens me that this idiocy may spread.
krista1203,
So first I have to read about Dan calling vaginas revolting, and now you’re making fun of the die-cast model of my vagina that I wear around my neck? Today’s been rough …
Sorry you feel embarrassed to be a woman. I’m sure nobody would mind if you just quit.
God I hate people… Ladies, Dan’s not being “just” honest or joking around. He’s not compelled to post every detail of his personal life, but he wants us to know that he thinks women are super super disgusting, because it’s fun for him. Undersexed straight guys, any guy who’s screwed over by the system–who can they feel superior to? Who can they kick around and still have the victim giggle politely at the insult? Women, of course. If nothing else, our hairy vaginas sure are weird and different, lulz!
Insulting women and our anatomy an even more awesome revenge outlet for gay guys, who take more crap than most males yet have far fewer reasons to care whether women think they’re complete douche nozzles. So it makes perfect sense that: anti-gay-sex politician “expresses her opinion” that gay sex is gross, which is an easy “yucky” target for her socially acceptable moralizing, and Dan turns around and slams the easiest target available to *him.* It’s far more satisfying to find someone else to crap on than to limit yourself to “whining.” It’s not like straight guys will ride to our rescue: a lot of the homophobes and other dudes still think of ladybits as frequently-disgusting pleasure sleeves.
If you haven’t noticed, ggg and krista, Dan IS kind of a douchebag–and I say that as someone who continues to read his column every week anyway. Just accept that it’s part of his shtick, get over it, and stop kidding yourselves that Dan’s NOT being deliberately offensive.
I’m kinda surprised you didn’t catch the sarcasm in the bit about pussies being powerful, btw, krista. I thought it was pretty funny, personally, because he was clearly making fun of people who are oversensitive about people not worshiping pussy with every breath, coming from a gay guy who, DUH, doesn’t like pussy. Yet I’m not enough of a pansy/pussy/ballsack/whatthefuckever to sit here and giggle that Dan didn’t mean anything by it when he mentioned being “revolted” by pussy at the end of the article. You don’t have to be a crying baby demanding an apology to see what’s right in front of your goddamned face.
Fuck political correctness, and double fuck all you flippant females who think the right response to excessive PCness is to just lay down and be a doormat for people who are trying to screw with you.
#12, I hope for your sake you don’t live in TrukNutz country!
CTOAC:
She wronged you in so many ways, but she can’t live with being the “bad one”. So after she breaks up with you; excuse me, unceremoniously dumps you she doesn’t bother to change her email password, so that you would be able to “hack” (a word I’m sure she used) into her account. (How’s that for a run on sentence?)
Anyone with the sense God gave a goose would know that you were eventually going to try to figure out WTF happened. So all she had to do was bide her time and wait for you to do exactly what you did.
Now she has just what she wanted. She is able to cast you in the light of the bad guy and she is the wronged party. What a passive aggressive POS.
You are well rid of her. Just be grateful that this happened before you had the misfortune to have children with her and allowed her to pass her psychosis onto them.
@90: It always amazes me when people construct devious explanations for things like that. It’s much more likely that she just didn’t think to change the email password, or didn’t realize he had it. Not everyone sits around plotting detailed plans that require events to occur in a certain way, like in a bad spy movie or soap opera.
Dan, you make the best analogies. Your ballsack adjectives and steakhouse metaphor had me stifling giggles. And about “ballsack” as a replacement for “pussy” as a derogatory term – I’m always pleased when you flip female-negative language. It’s funny and clever, and I’ve started quoting you to the confusion of my friends. “Ovary up” is my favorite.
Great advice as always.
@88
That’s pretty much how it came across to me too. And yes, he was ASKED about his opinion — not on vaginas, mind you, but on vaggazling — just as he’s ASKED many questions by the thousands of people writing him letters and emails every week. And he carefully selected this question out of MANY questions, and rather than taking it in any number of other directions that wouldn’t involve trashing women’s bodies — like the possible motives of anyone who glues little jewels to that area, the practical concerns, the celebrity component of this odd trend — he used it as an opportunity to joke about how revolting he finds vaginas. To me, it read as a bit abrasive and gratuitous.
You know what makes me feel really good about myself? The fact that even though I have some huge self-image issues, at least they are in no way affected but what a gay man thinks about vagina.
@7 I don’t see the problem. Ever had a friend fall for someone who utterly repulsed you? And yet he was so perfect for your friend that you encouraged her to do her best to keep him? Same thing, Dan thinks that vagina is hideous but he knows it’s perfect for some people so he encourages them to do their best to keep it happy. The difference is that the entertainment value of this column is that Dan’s an honest asshole while giving great advice.
@54 Being disgusted by vagina isn’t comparable to being disgusted by gay sex because one is a body part while the other is a sex act. You can compare vagina to penis and gay sex to straight sex but comparing vagina to gay sex is simply a failure of logic.
Wow–I agree that the girl in WDID might have been trying to manipulate the guy, but “your emotional obligation to her ended when the relationship did”? Miscarriages are hard, abortions are hard–a decent human being can make some emotional space for a ex who has had to go through one and needs someone to talk to. Some women don’t have many other people to confide in. There’s a line between being supportive and being chained to an ex, but I think reasonable people should be able to find it. Not suggesting the advice for this particular guy was bad, but if that “emotional obligation” bit is a rule, it’s a shitty rule.
Geez, Dan: “revolted?” There’s an enormous difference between “not interested” and “revolted.” I am not interested in sex with women, but I don’t find the thought revolting. Sex between two men has got nothing for me, either, but I certainly wouldn’t call it revolting. Given your chosen profession, you might wanna either get over your irrational response, or learn to shut up about it.
Sorry, still don’t think it’s offensive, and I’m not “lying down” and taking anything, because I *don’t* think it’s offensive for someone to find a pussy, or all pussies, revolting.
Anybody who hasn’t found their OWN body at least remotely revolting in one way, shape or form is deluded. Bodies do LOTS of gross things. They might at the same time be revolting, miraculous, wondrous, pleasurable things, but that doesn’t stop them from being revolting in addition to the nice things they are.
Shitting the bed when I had a baby? Totally normal, totally natural, and totally revolting. It didn’t make me feel shame for what my body did or shame for what my body is – that’s what bodies DO, and that’s what bodies ARE. But it still made me gag. To say that I can’t find something about my body at the same time natural, normal, even impressive, and also completely disgusting is denying the complexity and wonder of the human body. And saying I must loathe being a woman just because I don’t worship the appearance of my labias and find the regular discharge from my vagoo to be an unfortunate side effect of being female is doing a disservice to my ability to find my body both totally gross AND amazing.
I understand the statistics on condoms failing are based on lots of research/studies and math but for the last 8 years I’ve been only using condoms with my husband without any issues. That’s (conservatively)2.25 times a week for 8 years = 936 condoms, not even one scare.
I had much the same problem as CTOAC. I found out my BF of 4 years was cheating on me. He went away for a long weekend “to his parents” but was really in another city with a guy he met online. I found out only because he wouldn’t take my calls so I called his mom who, of course, said he wasn’t there. I immediately looked in his computer and found not only this one but several emails from other guys. He called 10 minutes later and admitted he was out of town and said he’d explain when he got back. He explained that he fucked up and told me all about his gayromeo profile, who the guy was etc but showed zero remorse. I kicked him out. Now I’m having regrets for not trying to work it out. He’s trying to get back with apologies and excuses for why he did what he did. He says the guy (he doesn’t know I know about the others) is just a friend and nothing more but the emails and other Skype chat history is laced with xoxox’s. Nothing sexual except one where they were going to gourmet burgers one night and BF said “I know how much you like good meat” – with a 🙂 added. I’m totally confused now. I love him and thought that I really found my soulmate. I’m not sure anymore and wonder if he was with me because, in part, I was supporting him. I have a much better job and can financially take care of both of us. He’s out paying his own rent and expenses and I wonder now if he’s seeing that he had it good and wants back. Any thoughts are appreciated!
Wow. Dan, did you just say that you find vaginas revolting? Nice attitude for a sex advice columnist. Or for any human being, for that matter.
I can’t belive Dan was so insensitive to the woman’s plight in No Cocks! Has he never heard of Vaginismus? Yes it’s hard to be the man in this situation but also difficult for the woman involved. Have a heart Dan!