I’m a straight male college student in a relationship, which had been going great. The only incongruity was that, for a religious reason, I don’t want to have penetrative vaginal sex before marriage. I’m up for anything else—I would eat her out, piss on her, whatever else—but not vaginal sex. I made this clear at the beginning. My girlfriend started bringing up how she wanted to have “actual” sex. I told her, “I love you, and if you need to fuck other guys, go for it.” To my relief, she was offended by the suggestion.
A week later, she confessed that she had slept with someone. I feel like I can’t trust her now, and I can’t bring myself to sleep in her bed anymore. I feel like a hypocrite, since I brought up the idea of her sleeping with someone else in the first place. But I was unprepared for the reality, since she berated me for making the proposal at all. Still, I told her to do this. She regrets the hookup. I don’t know if I’m even asking for advice. I just wonder if I’m acting childishly.
Wishing Ancillary Fucking Felt Less Emotionally Ruinous
Your dilemma is interesting, WAFFLER, but you know what I’m more interested in? I’d really be interested in finding out which particular faith tradition frowns on penetrative vaginal intercourse before marriage but smiles on eating pussy and piss scenes and okays women having vaginal intercourse before marriage so long as they’re having it with guys they don’t intend to marry. That sounds like a church I’d like to visit. Hell, that sounds like a church I should be tithing to.
Look, WAFFLER, doing everything-but-sticking-your-dick-in for religious reasons is deeply silly. If you’re going to be in a sexual relationship, be in a sexual relationship. I promise you that any God who frowns on fucking-pussy-before-marriage also frowns on piss-play-before-marriage and eating-pussy-before-marriage.
As for your dilemma, WAFFLER, either you need to find a girlfriend who wants what you want—or doesn’t want what you don’t want—or you need to stop playing bullshit games and start fucking the girl you’ve got.
To say that I have recently been bored at work is a gross understatement. I have turned it into an opportunity to read all the archived Savage Love columns I can find on the internet, which has led me to three questions:
1. Your advice has always been sassy and matter-of-fact, but it seems to me that your advice is becoming less acidic as time passes. How has your attitude toward the sex-advice business changed over the years?
2. Why don’t women brag about their clit size?
3. Are you still into Ashton Kutcher or do you have a new fantasy flame?
Your Devoted Reader
1. I get a lot of mail from people telling me I’ve changed. Half write to tell me that I’ve become an insufferably bitchy sacky twatty cunt prick, and half tell me I’ve gone soft, I’m too nice, I’ve lost my edge, etc. Not sure what to make of that.
2. Clits aren’t inserted into anything—not typically—so a big clit doesn’t earn a woman any bragging rights. And a small clit, harder to locate and harder to stimulate, is nothing to brag about either. And while the clit—all of it, not just the exposed part—is central to a woman’s sexual pleasure, it’s not the showiest part of a woman’s package. That would be the labia. And it’s not the part a man is most interested in. That would be the vagina. So while the clit is hugely important to her, it’s not necessarily all that important to him.
3. I still admire Ashton Kutcher’s work ethic—the man is an acting, producing, tweeting machine—but my crush on Ashton evaporated halfway through the first episode of Punk’d. My current celebrity crush is Bill Hader as Stefon on SNL‘s “Weekend Update.”
I have recently started dating a sexually adventurous man. He is the first person to successfully fist me, and it’s fantastic. When I orgasm, I squirt. Lots. Afterward, the sheets are soaked and I’m in a puddle. We’ve put towels down, but the sheer volume of liquid soaks through them. Without towels, it soaks all the way through to the mattress. I’m not super-pleased about ruining my mattress, and the postcoital sleeping on very wet sheets is not ideal.
I don’t really want to sleep on a plastic-wrapped mattress and change my sheets every time we have sex. Does anything exist that’s super-absorbent that I could put down during sex, or even something that might go under the sheets to at least protect the bed?
Wasting Endless Towels
The bed is a nice place to sleep, a good place to read, and an obvious place to fuck. But you can have sex elsewhere, WET, and you can acquire just-for-fucking furniture/furnishings without going to hell with the vaginal-before-marriage crowd. Go to a sporting-goods store and pick up a large, folding wrestling mat. Store it under the bed, WET, and when your sexy time involves fisting—and hopefully you’re not fisting every time you have sex—GET OUT OF BED, pull the mat out, throw some towels down, and fist and squirt to your heart’s content. Then when it is all over—all over the towels, the mat, the floor—you’ll be able to crawl back into your warm, dry, comfortable bed.
HEY, EVERYBODY: Jason Robinson is—was—the football coach at Mandarin High School in Duval County, Florida. He was fired last month for sending “adult-oriented pictures” to a student. Robinson didn’t send the pictures to one of his students, but to a 20-year-old college student who is his girlfriend. The mother of Robinson’s girlfriend found the pictures on her daughter’s phone and forwarded them to the principal of the school where Robinson worked and scores of other people.
“We hold our teachers to a higher standard,” principal Donna Richardson told reporters. “They’re in front of our students. They’re talking with our students. They’re teaching our students how to become good characters.”
This is sex-negative bullshit. Robinson is a consenting adult; Robinson’s girlfriend is a consenting adult. And what consenting adults do on their own time—and with their own cell phones—is no one’s business but their own.
Savage Love readers stuck up for Constance McMillen after she was victimized by the homophobic morons who run her high school. Now we need to stick up for a straight high-school coach being victimized by the sexphobic morons who run his. Send an e-mail to Donna Richardson at richardsod@duvalschools.org. Let Richardson know that she is in the wrong. And let others know to let her know.
AND: Apparently, Steve Jobs isn’t such a prude after all. The Savage Love iPhone app is now available on the iTunes store.
My advice to Waffle:
lemme splain you something that helped me. As all catholics know, as long as no one is pregnant, no one has been having penetrative sex. Even if someone is pregnant, there are shotgun weddings and ‘early babies’ to remedy that. Think about how many ‘early babies’ there were in your parents generation.
Does anyone look at those members of the family as terrible sinners who are going to hell? No? Your church obviously doesn’t care that much, really. Then start fucking your girlfriend and start worrying about the things that will REALLY send you to Hell, like buying shoes made in sweatshops and working for companies that have abuse human rights overseas.
If waffler doesn’t want to have vaginal sex then fine, whatever- but for him to play games with his sexually frustrated girlfriend is stupid. He shouldn’t have told her to have sex with other guys if that isn’t what he really wanted.
All I have to say about firing a teacher for his private, normal, personal sex life with his ADULT girlfriend is this: Fire the honest, normal, guy for being sexual with his CONSENTING TWENTY YEAR OLD ADULT GIRLFRIEND and then karma will give you the 45 year old, bible thumping, crazy-insane pedophile as his replacement. Let people have their private, consensual sex lives and leave them alone about their porn.
http://www.amazon.com/Carters-Keep-Water…
Flannel on both sides with a waterproof rubber layer in between, supposedly to catch any diaper problems in the night (that’s why it’s standard crib sized) but I know way more couples who use them than parents, if you know what I’m saying. Comfy without being crackly or sticking to bare skin like a plain rubber sheet would.
Swingers clubs aren’t illegal, but they can be raided…granted this story is from Texas, but it was in a neighborhood and the neighbors were pissed, so the city kept throwing the code book at the place trying to shut it down. Apparently, they did raid, and took photos of all the patrons. Now, suppose those photos got ‘leaked’ onto the internet, or something. And suppose that one of the patrons is, oh, say the principal of your child’s school. Now, you’re a very open-minded Dan Savage reader, but how do you suppose the other parents would feel about that guy’s employement? Do you suppose the school would find themselves in the midst of a giant shitstorm? Should they fire the guy, or are they required to fight out this guy’s right to personal procilivities he should have kept private?
http://www.pegasusnews.com/news/2008/jul…
Yeah, my other examples were illegal, but so sometimes is sexting- don’t you read the news? They bust the kid who took the picture for distributing child porn, bust the kids who received it for owning child porn, then stick them all on the sex offender registry. Now, the coach and his girl are of age, so child porn isn’t an issue, but sexting is a problem for the kids, and the coach is a role model. Yeah, he should be allowed to do it, it isn’t illegal, but just like with the swinger’s club, the world is not this board, and the school has to deal with reality, in terms of community and parent reactions. Obviously consenting adults should be able to do whatever they consent to do, but they, too have to work with the real world, and in the real world, nude pictures, videos and texts often make their way to people you didn’t intend.
WET – pick up one of those hospital diaper sheet things. Or use latex sheeting under your towels. Personally I use latex sheeting (because my man has a latex fetish) and we’ve never had problems. They even come in all sorts of pretty colors!
http://www.sheetlatex.com 🙂
two things:
I could easily be wrong, but Waffle sounds like an Orthodox Jew to me. It’s a different relationship with the almighty – observing the Law is something you do because God said to, not because it’s moral or because you’ll get punished for not doing it. There’s no moral value to not carrying things on Saturday or not eating shellfish or whatever. You do it for its own sake. I’m not saying my people are less crazy than Christians, but we’re crazy in a different way.
I am sure many will chime in after me, but let me explain why Melanie is Wrong on the Internet: consensual sexting might be risky, but it’s not immoral or illegal. Take the sex out of it, as Melanie suggests, and imagine that the coach got pulled over for speeding, which is much more dangerous and IS illegal, and which is probably a much more prevalent and deadly problem amongst high school kids than sexting. Should he be fired? Of course not, jesus.
Okay, now put the sex back i to it, but more of it. One imagines that Coach was also fucking his girlfriend. This is also legal and probably less dangerous than speeding, and also a behaviour many people would like to discourage amongst teenagers, more so even than sexting. Should he be fired? Of course not, jesus. I’m sorry, but they are adults. Adults do things every day that kids cannot or should not do. Would you fire a kindergarten teacher for crossing the street without holding hands while she’s out grocery shopping?
This is more than a sex-positive issue, it is a privacy issue.
WAFFLER: I’ve been there, thinking I’d be ok if my girl fucked around, and not being able to face the emotional consequences when it happened unannounced…
If my experience means anything, you need to DTMFA because nothing you (or she) can do will make up for the loss of trust.
OK, this has nothing to do with the questions and Mr. Savage’s advice – I love reading you, by the way, greetings from Belgium – but can somebody explain to me how the heck this column is shown as being posted on the 3rd of June while today’s still the 2nd?
You living in another space continuum, Dan? Or did you steal Doc’s DeLorean?
Anyway, thank you for all those advices. They are priceless.
Well, I thought WET might be a man; “squirt” could be a crude euphemism for ejaculate, but you’re probably right; it’s probably a woman. I guess.
Hey si, you’re absolutely right, I was thinking that as I typed it, but I was hoping it would fly. Yeah, speeding, jaywalking, public intox, all worse than sexting, and people can’t be held to work standards all day every day, we’d have to fire everybody.
Like I initially said, I’m being the Devil’s advocate here. I hate the invasion of his privacy. I see the anti-sex judgment call that’s being made. But this lady sent the photos to the ‘principal and scores of other people’. That’s a public relations nightmare for the school. I’m going out on a limb and saying that poor Donna The School Principal is probably already up to her tits in outraged emails, not to mention calls, letters, editorials and possibly reporters. She’s fired this guy, and probably didn’t want to, but in this situation, it’s like grabbing a life preserver when you’re drowning. Now Dan wants to bury her in mail from his readers protesting the firing??!! That’s just sorry.
Allison, we don’t know if she wanted to fire the guy or not. All we know is that she’s punishing him after his privacy rights were violated because it’s easier for her. You think it’s not nice to hassle the poor woman for doing the wrong thing because it’s less of a headache? What about ruining this poor guy’s career? You think this guy is going to have an easy time getting a job after this? Sure, her position is a difficult one, but people who support the teacher ought to write in (polite, short letters) and show their support.
Yeah, chicago girl, but when Dan leads off his call for letters by calling the school administration ‘sexophobic morons’ I think that the bulk of the letters won’t be polite. And really, I maintain that the situation is not Donna’s problem. She’s not paid to manage her employees’ careers, she’s paid to manage the school. Firing him is the pragmatic removal of a major organizational problem. Problem solved- that’s what Donna’s paid for. She’s not ruining his career, either- girlfriend’s crazy Mom did that.
waffler is a twisted fuck. I’m pretty sure I was the one who fucked his girlfriend.
I know Christians like WAFFLER and they annoy me tremendously. Mostly because they act superior because they are still ‘pure’ before marriage. Unlike WAFFLER they’re very concerned to keep their hymen, though.
Re: Waffler, I’m surprised this hasn’t been brought up yet…
I think sometimes closet case homos use religion as a lame ass excuse for not fucking their girlfriends before marriage – a classic delay tactic. Waffler may well be a gay and just doesn’t/can’t fuck his girlfriend because he just can’t get it up for a female.
@55 “but how do you suppose the other parents would feel about that guy’s employment?”
Who gives a rats ass? What if the parents were outraged b/c it was a gay relationship? Surely you don’t support firing gay teachers b/c of the “public relations nightmare” that might ensue if the bigoted asshats found out about it. What if was an interracial relationship? Should she cave and fire the guy then? What if the girlfriend’s mom had been lurking out in the bushes and took photos of them having sex without a condom and sent them to the principle? Teens having unprotected sex is HUGE problem so we better fire this guy b/c he’s a role model and all.
@61 “Now Dan wants to bury her in mail from his readers protesting the firing??!! That’s just sorry.”
No it’s not. If she (the principle) had done the right thing (told the outraged parents to shut the fuck up) then she’d only have to deal with half the mail. And no, this isn’t like grabbing a life preserver when you’re drowning. If what you posit is true, that she really didn’t want to fire him, then it was a cowardly, chicken-shit, completely self serving thing to do and deserves every bit of criticism that she gets.
[I decided to sign up]
I think that you blew it with your response to Waffler. The guy is dealing with his sexual orientation. He is willing to do a lot of things except stick his penis in the lady! You got it right in your comments about his created personal religion of one? I am old fashion and intercourse seems to be the most natural sexual activity of a man and woman. Maybe I am too old fashioned but I am more than willing to avoid some of the other stuff that he is willing to do. I would consider the alternate activities to be degrading. Is he willing to do the other stuff as punishment?
Both the lady and Waffler need to face what is going on and what will happen if they get married. For her, or any woman, it will be marriage to a guy who is not really into sex with a woman. If he goes through with the marriage he will be miserable and may even never consumated the marriage. If he does it will likely not be of a very loving full relationship.
He should be honest with himself and, most of all, decent enough to not put his desire to be transformed into a heterosexual above the well being of the woman who will unknowningly become his wife. The misery will affect all in the family, especially the children. Parents must be happy with each other and themselves to create a happy home for their children. The sham will result in a lot of seemily unconnected problems and conficts.
I am surprised that you did not realize that Waffler is very likely hiding his sexual orientation behind religion. Has he given any thought about what is expected of him on the wedding night? Maybe he’ll get a wedding day headache that will last as long as the marriage – which, for the sake of the lady and him, should last only a few days if not hours.
Maybe I am a weak guy but I would find it hard to sleep with a lady and not go all the way. If I were religious enough to not go all the way I would be more than religious enough to feel that sleeping together is wrong. Even living together would be out of the question.
A yoga mat might help dear WET out, or they could just throw a shower curtain on the bed before they get down there.
Also, there are a lot of mattress wrappers made for allergy sufferers that use plastic on one side (towards the mattress) and a soft fiber on the outside. (You don’t really want to know what’s living in that mattress). It’s 2010, and the full plastic bedcover is out.
A yoga mat might help dear WET out, or they could just throw a shower curtain on the bed before they get down there.
Also, there are a lot of mattress wrappers made for allergy sufferers that use plastic on one side (towards the mattress) and a soft fiber on the outside. (You don’t really want to know what’s living in that mattress). It’s 2010, and the full plastic bedcover is out.
I say Dan tracks down the email address of the mother who invaded her daughter’s privacy and blast her. It doesn’t matter whether or not mommy pays for college. She has no right to snoop through her daughter’s phone. She lost that right as soon as daughter dearest turned 18. If my mom would have done something like that I would have found my own way to pay for college and told her exactly where to go. I thank my mother, though, for not being an overbearing control-freak and for respecting my privacy throughout my entire life.
For WET – two suggestions – one more green than the other…
first the re-usable option
check out the Throe by Liberator – it’s a sassy throw for your bed that’s furry on one side, silky on the other and lined in the middle with “moisture barrier” and it’s machine washable/reusable. i’ve got friends who squirt a lot who swear by these things – they’re about $90 and you can find them online or maybe at your local sex positive store. note – i don’t have one of my own, but i should fix that.
and the disposable option
try puppy pads – you can get them at most pet supply stores – they’re disposable and designed to absorb a fair amount of liquid. i just looked and you can get 300 for $39 bucks online. the only drawback to puppy pads is that when they get wet if you keep rolling around on them they can get pilly and stick to a girl. but they’re cheap. and way cheaper than a new mattress.
a wrestling mat may work, but i’m concerned the liquid will just roll off or get all over both of you. could be fun, but may not reduce the clean up factor…
AllisonM,
You’re a coward. YES, the school is absolutely supposed to respect its employees civil rights, regardless of the community’s outrage. Our civil rights are not subject to debate, that’s why they’re enshrined in the Constitution.
So you support civil rights, unless people find out and are offended?
Oh I want the Savage Love app so badly! But I am afraid my kids with pick up my phone and tinker with it….does anyone know whether there is a way to password protect an app on an iPhone???
67- C’mon, you really think it would be acceptable for her to just tell angry parents to ‘shut the fuck up’? You really don’t think she’d run into a problem with that? Naw, the’d totally just go away, and her bosses would be totally satisfied with that level of service.
“What if the parents were outraged b/c it was a gay relationship? Surely you don’t support firing gay teachers b/c of the “public relations nightmare” that might ensue if the bigoted asshats found out about it. What if was an interracial relationship? Should she cave and fire the guy then? “
Glad you brought that up. People tend to speak up on issues they see as bigotry. That’s why the battles you mention are no longer the issues they once were. All the anonymous board-posters want to make this the school’s battle, but where are you in it? How about your Facebook profile, is it private? You sellout!
“What if the girlfriend’s mom had been lurking out in the bushes and took photos of them having sex without a condom and sent them to the principle?”
Principal. And if that were the case, you could probably charge her with something. But you know what? Email, texts and stuff you post on the internet? It isn’t private, and once you hit ‘send’ it isn’t yours anymore.
“Teens having unprotected sex is HUGE problem so we better fire this guy b/c he’s a role model and all.”
I already admitted that argument was crap. Read back a few.
I dunno, I think Alison’s got a point. And not on the top of her head, either. I think that anyone who posts, emails, texts, or however sends ANYTHING that they wouldn’t want their boss or parents or partner or the whole world to see is a fucking idiot. Once sent or posted, it’s gone, it’s out of your control, and there are dozens of potential leaks in the system from software glitches to dropped or stolen phones to parents who have been praying for the opportunity to stick it up your butt, and I don’t mean in a good way.
You think FB can’t have a glitch that shows everybody everything? Well, they already have. And there’s a lot of discontent in that company. It’s gonna happen again.
Nowhere near enough people pay attention to that very good rule, but I got no sympathy when they’re caught out and then squeal about it. If you know it would cost you your job if it were seen, then either don’t send it, find another way to send it, wait ’til you see her in person and play it for her, or prepare for a court case. ESPECIALLY if you have a job where you work with kids.
Yeah, it’s a damned shame that this guy lost his job because GF’s mother is a bitch. Yeah, he should contest it because I guarantee you that the only difference between him and the parents who find him too creepy to work with their kids is that the stuff they watch and send hasn’t been reported to THEIR bosses.
But he’s also a tool.
ML77-“the school is absolutely supposed to respect its employees civil rights, regardless of the community’s outrage. “
According to who? The founding fathers of corporate America? Do you know how many people are fired because their facebook profile shows alcohol? I knew someone who was fired because of her personal blog. Dear Abby recently printed a letter from a lady who was fired after someone anonymously complained that she’d done lingerie modeling for a department store. You know, those black and white pictures in the paper? Racy stuff… What world are you living in that companies have any responsibility to your privacy? I had to pee in a cup and provide access to my personal credit file last time I got a job. Where’s your outrage on that?
And I’m a coward!? What, writing a post on a board makes you a crusader?
Really, you want to make a statement on corporate practices regarding your privacy? Go to Facebook, change your access to all public and post a picture of yourself doing body shots off a stripper at your buddy’s bachelor party. Then go apply for jobs, and see how many call-backs you get.
Hey, y’know what else I had to do for that job? I had to sign an agreement saying that any ideas I have during my tenure there belong to the company.
To the squirter: SHAM-WOW
@75
“C’mon, you really think it would be acceptable for her to just tell angry parents to ‘shut the fuck up’?”
No, I expect her to say “I’m sorry but we feel that firing a teacher b/c he engaged in a completely legal, consensual activity would be inappropriate. We also feel that it would be a gross error to justify an invasion of an employees privacy with such a firing.”
“but where are you in it? How about your Facebook profile, is it private? You sellout!”
What in heaven’s name does this have to do with anything?
“I already admitted that argument was crap.”
Then what’s your point? You seem to be saying that the firing was justified but if you don’t think it’s justified on the grounds that he’s a “role model” then how can you possibly justify it? Just b/c the parents are outraged?
“Principal”
Thanks. Btw,in post 55 you spelled employment as “employement” and I corrected it for you without feeling a need to point it out.
@76
“I think that anyone who posts, emails, texts, or however sends ANYTHING that they wouldn’t want their boss or parents or partner or the whole world to see is a fucking idiot.”
He didn’t post it publicly he sent it privately to someone’s phone and then that person’s phone was hacked into. That’s the difference. If someone had a private facebook account with no intention of it being read publicly and then that account was hacked into and the information was disseminated then they shouldn’t be fired.
@78
” Hey, y’know what else I had to do for that job? I had to sign an agreement saying that any ideas I have during my tenure there belong to the company.”
Good for you. And if he had signed a contract that said “I will never take sexy photos/videos of myself and send them to my girlfriend” then you’d have an accurate comparison but seeing as it doesn’t appear that he signed any such contract then it’s not comparable at all.
I used to be in WAFFLER’s boat, having decided that penetrative sex wasn’t okay, but just about everything else was. Similarly, my (now) fiance wanted to “go all the way.” I guess I was lucky, because she understood that my faith was important to me and just gently challenged me to think through my position.
Unfortunately, WAFFLER’s lady didn’t do the same. She should have read between the lines to glaringly obvious “this guy is confused about sex, this requires time and conversation” but instead she took his desperate suggestion at face value and did something she knew was the wrong thing to do.
Back in my experience, eventually I came to see that the bible is pretty vague about what adultery means and she was there eagerly awaiting me. In the meantime we had plenty of fun with each other in lots of categories.
I guess what I’m saying is, we all come into relationships with certain handicaps. Treating each others’ handicaps gently and thoughtfully is part of a successful relationship. Whether or not they survive that mistake as a couple remains to be seen, but I hope they both learn from it.
@77
“I had to pee in a cup and provide access to my personal credit file last time I got a job. Where’s your outrage on that?”
If someone had stolen your pee and gave it to the company to be tested and then hacked into your credit profile and gave it to your company to check without your consent then I (along with everyone here I’d bet) would be equally outraged. But it sounds like you consented to these things. If the coach had consented to the video being given to his employers and then they fired him then you’d have something but as it is……
Luv Linens – http://luvlinen.com/
Best thing ever invented for those of us who squirt. The boyfriend and I call it the “pragmat,” because it’s such a great, pragmatic solution.
Towels DO NOT work. And I’m not into using a shower curtain, either.
@85 That’s awesome to have a real testimonial. Does it seem to be durable; i.e. you won’t need to replace it for awhile? I only ask b/c $200 is a bunch of scratch.
Dan: Why did you say that you hope she’s not being fisted every time she has sex?
WAFFLER deserves his misery for being a stupid Jesus freak.
email to richardsod@duvalschools.org is sent.
Good advice as always, Dan. I’ve been reading since before my son was born, dug through the archives when I was pregnant, he is 4 tomorrow, and I really do not think you have changed. To all the people who do, let them look into their own personal growth, and not project their issues onto you.
You, naturally, did not give a tiny rats behind to begin with. Keep on as you are.
Love from Norway.
Naomi
To the squirter: What about using a ShamWow!
email to richardsod@duvalschools.org is sent.
Good advice as always, Dan. I’ve been reading since before my son was born, dug through the archives when I was pregnant, he is 4 tomorrow, and I really do not think you have changed. To all the people who do, let them look into their own personal growth, and not project their issues onto you.
You, naturally, did not give a tiny rats behind to begin with. Keep on as you are.
Love from Norway.
Naomi
@ 83 & WAFFLER
“Unfortunately, WAFFLER’s lady didn’t do the same.”
Both of you blame the woman for not being saints in the face of your complete ass-hattery. The truth is that you both entered relationships w/ fucked-up, twisted & perverted (not the good kind) rules. 83, great, you lucked out & your woman was cool enough to gently show you what an asshat you were. But that was _your_ luck, and _not_ her responsibility.
And WAFFLE? You should date your palm for a while as you straighten yourself out & stop inflicting your fucked-up attitude on nice young women.
To WET:
I too am a squirter that will soak. There are high end waterproof mattress pads available at your local Macy’s or Tuesday Morning. They don’t crinkle or crunch. Just a nice cushy and cottony feel. If you don’t make it off of the bed – as we all know that will happen. When done pull it off with the sheet and throw it in the wash when soaked. We even keep ours on a Tempurpedic. Works!
One word to the squirter: Sham-WOW.
Want to ditto 72’s suggestion for the Liberator throw. I have one, it’s great for squirters, and it’s way sexier than anything designed for bedwetters.
The story about the coach is almost two weeks old now, but, as far as I can tell, there is some dispute over whether Robinson put the video on a school computer or whether the video was only on his cell phone. Of course the school maitiains the former and the Robinson maintains the latter. However, that nuance (as well as the fact that Robinson was placed in a “non-teaching roll” and not necessarily fired) seems to be absent from Dan’s righteous indgination.
“roll” should be “role”
bassplayerguy, my examples were relevant to the person I was talking to, the one who said:
“YES, the school is absolutely supposed to respect its employees civil rights, regardless of the community’s outrage. Our civil rights are not subject to debate, that’s why they’re enshrined in the Constitution. “
What I should have said was I don’t see which civil right was violated, but the examples still stand as common examples of corporate-employee interactions that dictate what the employee can/can’t do in spare time. And yes, I suppose we ‘voluntarily’ give that information in the sense that we sign a form, but that dosen’t make it any less invasive. I suppose I’d have ‘voluntarily’ given them nude pics of myself if they’d been a requirement for getting any job, the way a credit report is. My facebook example was relevant in the sense that your personal activities absolutely can and are commonly used against you by your employer and this is nothing new. I still want to know why so many people are outraged about this when you’ve been ‘voluntarily’ giving up your own privacy to your employer for years.
In any event, I give up the argument. If you guys want to do stuff like this, it’ll mean less competition for the rest of us.
And thanks, Belleweather, you said it better and less obnoxiously than I did.
@76: are you kidding? My friend, that message wasn’t sent “privately” – there’s NO SUCH THING. Do you control the phone companies? The internet? Every key stroke you make anytime is potentially recoverable. Ditto for every file you send. You can lose a phone – it can be stolen – it can be picked up by someone when you’re not looking. Any code made by a person can be unlocked by a more determined person.
There is no such thing as privacy. With every single thing you transmit, every text, every call, you’re just betting you won’t get unlucky. Every post we make here could be connected to us if someone had the will to do so.
And you can yell all you want about privacy and this or that *shouldn’t* have happened and *wasn’t* fair and *was* a violation of your rights, but at the end of the day that’s not gonna matter much if your job or your reputation or your relationship is sunk.
All I’m sayin’ is – make your decisions based on the fact that there’s really no such thing as privacy online.
Dammit, I never get to be first.
But, Sham-Wow is a fucking godsend.
Look, the whole “Send an email to Donna” thing works this way. She fired him because she thought the negative attention would be really bad, and she could reduce it by just getting rid of him.
Quick aside – the coach is being fired because the girl’s mum committed a serious invasion of his privacy. If the school thinks they were harmed, they need to sue the mum, not fire the coach. SHE distributed inflammatory, stolen, private material to “scores of other people”, with intent to harm the reputation of an employee of the school (who had done nothing wrong.)
Back to the email thing: We all need to write letters to show the principal that she was wrong. Not wrong to fire the guy; I think she probably knows that already. We need to show her that she was wrong TO THINK that firing the guy was better from the negative-attention-publicity perspective. Savage Love readers (and the rest of the world) need to jump up and down and cause trouble, to make it clear to everyone that the public outing of an embarrassing (but legal) part of an employee’s private life might cause a little bad press, but FIRING the employee for his embarrassing (but legal) unintentional outing WILL cause a TREMENDOUS amount of bad press.
So when it happens to you, your boss will be thinking “Okay this is bad. Damage control time. DON’T FIRE HIM BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG. What else?”