I am a woman in a relatively new relationship. Prior to this guy, I had a deep disgust for anything anal-related. After some dedicated work and anilingus on his part, he’s helped me overcome my fears of the “grossness” of the area and made me an enthusiastic convert—as a recipient.
He has expressed an interest in me reciprocating in butt play and rimming. I know it’s a sensitive area for him and would bring him a lot of pleasure—but no matter how much he cleans the area, I’m having trouble getting over two issues.
1. I’m submissive and prefer my partners to be dominant. Butt play on him would ruin his “dominant” role for me. However, that problem is minor compared to…
2. He is overweight and hairy, and no amount of cleaning dispels the musk from that area for more than five minutes. When I’m going down on him, I deal, as it isn’t too bad and some amount of genital smell is to be expected. But moving further into his butt area—which is pretty darn huge, hairy, and flabby—would require burying my face in the smelliest and least attractive area of his body.
I feel horrible about this. Removing the hair would not be enough to give his butt a shape and remove the extra mass that’s trapping and producing the odors. I feel it’s too horrible to tell him, “I would probably do it if you dropped 50 pounds.” It’s also not fair, as he’s an enthusiastic anal giver (though if not giving means never receiving, I’m willing to go without).
How do I get over this, Dan? Aside from this issue, our sex life is fantastic. I truly am attracted to him, just not his butt. I want to be GGG, but this is really pushing my limits.
Can’t Go There
I don’t know how you get over it, CGT—hell, I don’t think I’ll ever get over just reading your letter.
I recognize, of course, that anal pleasure, however it’s administered, isn’t just for butts on the men’s Australian Olympic diving team. Butts come in all different sizes, shapes, and flavors, and not every butt looks as good in a Speedo or—presumably—tastes as good out of a Speedo as, say, Matthew Mitcham’s butt does. And, hey, reciprocity makes the orgasms go round. But there are times when there’s just no getting over something and a face-saving white lie is in order.
Tell him that, as much as you appreciate his efforts to open you up—figuratively and literally—to being on the receiving end of butt play, you don’t think you’ll ever get over your hang-up about being on the giving end. He doesn’t need to know that you might feel differently if Matthew Mitcham had asked you to eat his tiny, tight, and thoroughly chlorinated little butt, CGT, so feel free to leave that bit out. End by telling him that you’ll understand if he no longer wishes to indulge you in the butt play that, thanks to his efforts, you’ve come to enjoy so much.
I’m a straight 22-year-old male. I have a skin-picking fetish. I get off on picking scabs and patches of dry skin. I also have seborrhoeic dermatitis, a condition that causes flaky white patches of dry skin to grow on my scalp. I pick all the scales off my scalp daily. I masturbate afterward and have had some of the best orgasms of my life this way.
My problem: Every girlfriend I’ve ever opened up to about this has been grossed out. None of my girlfriends have been willing to indulge my fetish, even after I’ve been willing to indulge their kinks. They tell me it is unclean or dangerous. Even paid escorts have refused to pick my scalp for me. A woman picking my scalp while I jerk off is my biggest fantasy.
Surely there must be a scab-picking girl out there for me. How do I find her?
Scab Kinkster In Need
It’s going to be that kind of column—the kind you don’t write over lunch. (My apologies to anyone who’s reading this over lunch.)
Your fetish—which, according to the interwebs, goes by the name “phaneromania”—is a blessedly uncommon fetish, SKIN, as well as a pretty high bar to clear. Picking the scabs off someone’s scalp while he beats off isn’t something that even the most open-minded, sexually adventurous partner would regard as a GGG-related responsibility.
Don’t lose hope, SKIN. While there are always more men into a given fetish than there are women, fetishes that involve medical and/or physical maladies tend to tap women at slightly higher rates than other fetishes. It’s the caregiver/nurturer thing taken to a sixy extreme (sick + sexy = sixy).
Keep putting yourself out there, keep being open with the women you date about your ultimate turn-on, and you may hit the sixy jackoffpot. Your only other hope is enough: You’ll have to meet a woman who loves you enough to do this for you or you’ll have to pay a woman enough to do this for you.
I’m a 34-year-old openly gay white-collar professional man in an open relationship with my amazing boyfriend of nine years. I’ve been getting fucked on the side for the past two years by a 30-year-old closeted bisexual total-top white blue-collar steelworker. Although we have very different backgrounds, we both have a great time when his eight-inch cock is in me. He texts me when he’s horny, I show up, I blow him, he pounds my brains out and ejaculates, and I leave (all safely, of course). Maybe a little chitchat after. He seems like a nice guy, and it’s a NSA attachment that works well.
The issue: I’m afraid he may be a white supremacist. While he has never said anything to me, he has numerous tattoos, including the infamous “88” tattoo (which usually refers to “Heil Hitler,” with H being the eighth letter of the alphabet). Additionally, I’ve seen some paramilitary-type stuff around his place. He’s never said anything bigoted about minorities, and we’ve never discussed it. He obviously has no problem with gay guys—he knows I’m open and out—and I don’t think he’s planning for RAHOWA, but I’m wondering about the tattoos and am afraid to ask.
Do I have to give up his eight-inch blue-collar cock and our no-strings slam sessions because he may hold ideas I find offensive?
Worried Over Racist Dick
Color me intolerant, but I don’t think a member of one oppressed minority group—that would be you, WORD—should be bouncing on the dick of someone who endorses hatred directed at members of other minority groups.
Which means you will have to give up those hot slam sessions—but only if this dude is a racist and/or anti-Semitic piece of shit.
Doesn’t that 88 tattoo prove that he’s a POS? Not necessarily. It only proves that he was a POS at the time he got the tattoo. Hatred can fade and people can become more tolerant, but tattoos are forever. He may be ashamed of that tattoo and planning to get it inked over—but you won’t know until you ask.
And you should ask, WORD, and if turns out he’s still a racist and/or anti-Semitic POS, you shouldn’t see him anymore.
HEY, EVERYBODY: Do me a favor. Go to tinyurl.com/24rjpv7. Find “Colleen K.” Click “View profile.” Click “Like this.” Thank you.
WORD needs to talk to him and find out what the tattoo means to him. He could have been in prison, lots of guys get racist tats in jail just so they can have the skinheads protect them. They don’t necessarily believe all that bullshit, but they need someone to look after them. Also many people get tattoos and don’t know what exactly they mean, most of the guys with spiderwebs weren’t actually in jail and don’t even know that is where that tat started. Ask him what it means to him!
Dan, we have gone and ‘liked’ Colleen and her cats just because we are so damned GGG in our columnist/readers relationship.
why is an 88 better than a 69? cuz you get “ate” twice! 😉
This column made me itchy. Augh.
To SKIN,
I must say I have never heard of your fetish. But I am sure there are women out there who would be happy to oblige. I, for one, have a sort of obsession with picking dead skin or scabs and such spots off of myself and others. I really enjoy grooming others if they will let me. I sometimes have to remember to keep my hands to myself and not pick at people who would not be ok with it. So I just wanted to let you know that there is hope of finding someone to fulfill your fetish. Perhaps there are some people who enjoy the same sort of things on fetlife.com Best of luck! ^^
I am a married “picker” who luckily found a guy who tolerates me picking at his skin before and during sex. Skin will find his lady somewhere.
To SKIN,
I want you to know that there are women out there who would want to help you out with your fetish.I, for one, love to pick at dead skin and scabs and things. I really enjoy grooming others and myself. Though I get no sexual pleasure from it. I would not be turned off if someone else did. So don’t give up hope. And perhaps there are some people on fetlife.com who are into the same thing.
Hey Dan, we want you to create a new cocktail called ‘sex by surprise’!
I am amazed at the number of chicks who are into the grooming/picking/SKIN thing…I mean, I wasn’t altogether skeeved out, but it did strike me as very bizarre. I do get the whole ‘primates do grooming’ but I figured there was no way that guy would have any luck, much less sooo many gals popping up in the comments volunteering. I learn something new every day!
Picking is a very common compulsion in people who have OCD (which is, itself, not uncommon). SKIN is not doomed to a life of solitude or unfulfillment.
I feel like asking for votes isn’t really giving the others a fair chance. Internationally syndicated columnist brings his entire readership to bear on a contest and nearly doubles the total number of votes in the process?
Then again, for all the awesome work you’ve done, being able to rig some lame ass cat food competition is perhaps a concession you deserve.
Voted!
SKIN moisturize!
WORD You admittedly are in an open relationship, and because this is a NSA relationship, DTMFA because he may really be a POS. You are not committed to this guy; there are plenty 8″,9″, 10″ cocks out there that would just love to get a Great BJ from you, then pound your tight white collar ass like there is no tomorrow, Hell I would and I’m not even gay.
Dominant and Submissive are terms that we use to describe our roles in the realm of BDSM, Clearly as individuals we define what they are. One might call themselves a submissive while another might not. All our experience are unique and subjective: So in the realm of BDSM our roles are varied as we are all sexual individuals!
As for CGT and all the comments Pro and Con I have to say that sometimes we just can’t go there. I Love to eat ASS and Pussy and I consider myself a DOM and some would argue that D/s wouldn’t do that “submissive” act, I do. I had an incident where I was going to go down on my Drop Dead Gorgeous Piece of Ass, 20year old female fuck-buddy. She didn’t have a chance to freshen up since she was just getting off from work. Needless to say I got one whiff of all day working without the benefit of baby wipes, a soapy paper hand towel or a shower and I made a hasty retreat(I know that I’m not the only one that this has happened too). I just didn’t go there even though she insisted and thought that she was “Fresh”, My Nose knew better. SO after she took a Shower I still couldn’t going there. In fact it was this day that I Learned even a Drop Dead Gorgeous Hot Piece of Ass can smell just like an Ugly Funky Santorum Piece of ASS!!EEWWWWWWWWUGGGHHH!. YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THERE!
CGT: There are like 10,000 varieties of vibrating dildo like things for sale. Plus all sorts of warming gels and scented lubes and even stuff that glows in the dark. I am sure that at least one combination is the right size/shape/color to give a nice peritoneal massage (or more). And the giver can have a good 6-10 inches or whatever she needs, between her and the actual target of her affections. And yeah, use pillows.
The SKIN guy should take better care of himself, presumably his skin disorder is treatable to the point he is not an oozing wound, unless he wants to be. Its much easier to find a sex partner who is into grooming in general, and a good scalp massage would still get SKIN off, I am sure. He could probably find a good oil or similar treatment that would even burn a little/ tingle as it was rubbed into his scalp, sort of simulating the sensation of picking. His fetish may be very specific, but he can probably “scratch the itch” at least indirectly, in a more general way.
So today, of all days, I read the column while eating lunch. Gross, but hilarious.
My ex-stepdad used to LOVE peeling other people’s skin after a sunburn. Perhaps your scab picker fetish could best be indulged by another guy? Close your eyes, you won’t be able to tell a man’s fingers from a woman’s fingers.
collen k has 0ver 14,000 likes, wow some other kitty only has 114
@CGT you dont need to directly put your face into the hole. maybe for starters, a handjob would do good, and if that isnt secure enough, try a rubber glove…
WORD’s side piece my just be an ex-con. I don’t know anything really about prison life and I understand it’s different from place to place but, still, I heard it can help, if you are white, male and in prison, to have racist tattoos.
If it is a racism thing, it’s pretty telling that he chose something nebulous like 88 instead of,say, a much less ambiguous swastika or lightning bolt SS.
There are 88 keys on a piano.
Maybe if he found a dominatrix, someone paid to indulge and understand fetishes, instead of an escort, he might have a better chance of getting to enjoy his fantasy.
I don’t think eating smelly ass is required to be GGG or submissive. I consider myself kind of submissive, but more in the desire to have someone else in control (power play) than the desire to have someone force me to do unpleasant things. I’d rim a clean ass if requested (only if he/she reciprocated though). Speaking of ass, any suggestions for bringing up rimming with a new partner? My experience has been that most straight guys are eager for anal intercourse (yah!), but what’s a good way to ask for a rim job considering some might be as grossed out by rimming as I am by SKIN’s fetish? I wonder what percentage of people are into rimming…just thinking about it… *sigh*
@42 I would totally be willing and excited to gurgle some cum, but am horrified at the thought of skin picking (one of my biggest irrational fears). If we joined forces, together our sexual superpowers would be unstoppable!
Skin needs to find a girl with dermatillomania. It’s an OCD disorder that involves compulsive picking. She wouldn’t be squeamish about picking his skin, because she picks her own all the time. She might even be fascinated.
I love picking skin and scabs, and I’m a hot 23 year year old girl. Mostly focused on picking my own, but I also enjoy picking others. I beg beg beg my boyfriend to let me pick his pimples which he indulges on rare occasion — he complains about it hurting and scarring. but there is hope for your mr. kinky scalp picker!
Butt, butt, butt, isn’t it absolutely fabulust that Savage makes a better than decent living from us following along about all this sh-t!
Here’s some hope for SKIN. I’m a woman, and I really love (in a mostly nonsexual way) picking at scabs and skin blemishes. I was lucky enough to find a husband who tolerates this, but if theres one girl out there like that there is probably more than one.
I know a gal who likes picking skin… of course, you’d have to deal with the narcolepsy, schizophrenia and addictions issues, but she’d pick your scalp while you jacked off…
@CGT: Bring up the topic of weight loss? (Something non-confrontational like, “hey, what do you think of that ‘Biggest Loser’ tv show?”) Butt shaving? Switch to a more fruit-based diet for scent improvement?
@SKIN: Based on the comments looks like his situation isn’t hopeless (heck, I like to pick skin too, just not in a sexual way). I’m going to assume he doesn’t want to “fix” his scalp condition, but for anyone else with a similar problem (and for whom dandruff shampoo fails), if you’re not shampooing your scalp twice with regular shampoo, try that. It’s shockingly effective.
Letterman mentioned Rick Santorum tonight,
so I googled “santorum” and sure enough,
Dan’s still #1! LMAO
There are two different ways of looking at the dom/sub dynamic (actually, probably more, and they can blend together). I don’t know if these have common names, because I haven’t really seen this talked about very much in BDSM books… let me know if anyone has.
The first is that the dom is the one in charge because the dom likes things how he (or she, etc.) wants and the sub likes to please his dom. In thus framework, it’s not the acts that matter, it’s about serving and pleasing and taking care of someone’s wishes. In this framework, it’s not the sub who’s really in control, though there can still be hard limits in play.
The second is more common in specific scene play and has to do with specific roles or archetypes, where the ‘sub’ might be the one being beaten, fucked, whipped, or giving oral sex — even if it’s exactly what the sub wants and the dom is doing it to please the sub!
This is where the seemingly contradictory idea of ‘topping from the bottom’ comes from: dom in sense 1, but sub in sense 2. Sounds like the LW. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you communicate to your partner, “I like to play sub roles in these specific ways and I like to choose and be in charge of what I do.” (Note that this is very different from “I’ll serve you in any way up to hard limits X and Y,” which is sub in sense 1.)
For some people, pegging someone’s ass (regardless of cleanliness) would ruin their sub fantasies, because they see the act as a dominant one (sense 2), whereas for others, it’s pleasing their partner by doing what they are told and thus submitting (sense 1).
88 is probably a reference to Dale Earnhardt.
@81 – Someone, please, open up an establishment called the “No Holds Bar”. lol
I just don’t see where scalp picking is a fetish too far, especially when men in baby diapers isn’t. Is it just because I compulsively groom my husband (pop zits, remove hair, get his “ear flakes”, hell I’ve even been known to get boogers off his nose). It’s not a sexual turn on for either of us, but if he said it got him off, it wouldn’t bother me. Would I think it’s a little strange? Yes. Would I indulge him? Most definately.
Colleen K and her Pussy for the WIN!!
@ 12 and 111
Maybe that’s my problem. I’m a bio major with OCD.
/end sarcasm.
Seriously how is this so nasty?
I’ve found some of these “open relationships” to be anything but, and I wonder if the “amazing boyfriend” in the allegedly “open relationship” is even aware WORD is getting pounded regularly by a tattooed eight-inch schlong.
what about anal bleaching for the big dude. i really know nothing on the subject. its just a stupid suggestion
A long shot is that he’s a big fan of NHL hockey player, Eric Lindros, who wore the number 88. If you’re in the Philly area, who knows.
WORD. I feel like this guy knows alot more than he is saying. He’s unsure about the 88, but busts out the “RAHOWA” like it’s just common lingo used in chit-chat. I call bullshit.
Damn! Who would have thought “88” could have so many different meanings? I think of myself as an aware, well read, reasonably bright guy, and I had no idea. (But I love suggestion it could refer to his length AND girth….)
I have to agree, though, that he has to find out. How can he suck a guy’s dick while wondering if he’s a bigot? It seems easy enough to ask, “Hey, what’s the tat? You into NASCAR…?”
And finally, I don’t understand the comments about class. Just because this guy is turned on by a blue-collar dude doesn’t mean he has no respect for him, or the class as a whole. Let it go, people, it’s probably just a fetish.
Oh, and I LOVE the pic of the two dogs. Joe Newton is the best!
There once was a man from up-state
Who had a tattoo “eighty-eight.”
He allowed his friend, Tim
Pick at his skin,
But only after his ass Tim ate.
“I love picking skin and scabs, and I’m a hot 23 year year old girl. Mostly focused on picking my own, but I also enjoy picking others. I beg beg beg my boyfriend to let me pick his pimples which he indulges on rare occasion — he complains about it hurting and scarring. but there is hope for your mr. kinky scalp picker!”
#124, We must also be twins. I’m a 23 year old female as well, and I would love to be hooked up with this guy!!! On the other hand, I would be too disgusted to perform anilingus on a man …however, I do enjoy having it done to me!
88 a-go-go
To SKIN: I’m a young woman who loves to pick dry skin/scabs off of other people. It’s not at all a sexual thing. It’s more like a slightly obsessive compulsive habit that relaxes me. But I just wanted to reassure you that there are girls that would enjoy it. Just start by enticing them with a nice sunburn to peel…
🙂
I wonder if SKIN might get some pleasure from having a girl just brush his scalp really hard with a stiff-bristled brush, or comb it with a hard, fine-toothed comb (like a metal pet comb).
A friend of mine used to work with a really, heavy guy. His stench was so bad, each time he left the room, they would spray Febreze. One night, they were discussing life and sex. He was telling the staff how he has a girlfriend. Oddly enough, he said, she used nose plugs whenever she went down on him. Yum.
A friend of mine used to work with a really, really heavy man. He smelled terrible – so bad that whenever he left a room, they would spray Febreze. One night, they were all talking about stuff. He told them he has a girlfriend. None of them could believe it but then he told them, “Funny thing, whenever she goes down on me, she wears nose plugs.” Yum.
The Hitler tats guy reminds me of a Moroccan dude I once had a NSA thing with. We would occasionally go out to coffee or something before/after, and on one such outing, it suddenly came out that his older sister was not allowed to leave the house without him. I thought he was kidding, so I laughed and (because I have a younger brother), I said, “Hahaha, as though my brother could tell me what to do…” He seriously responded that his family was actually very progressive in that, if his sister were to leave the house without permission, and if she were to be raped, for instance, his family would only disown her — not KILL her — for dishonoring the family. I stood up and left without a word. I never talked to that guy again.
I’m just guessing, but if the tattoo said, “Kill Fags!” WORD probably wouldn’t have had to ask, and he likely would’ve walked out, too. For whatever that’s worth…
OMG– just cant fathom the anal freaky shit— god either buck the fuck up and do it or buck up and be honest–wow that was hard to figure out
The tattoo may not even have any racist meanings behind it. 88 is my favorite number, not because it has anything to do with white supremacy. In fact, I had no idea of that meaning until reading this article. I just like it because you get 8 twice. Don’t make assumptions, just ask the guy.