My mother left her e-mail logged in on my computer, and I decided to be an asshole and snoop out of boredom. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything, but I found a few intimate e-mails between her and a strange man that pretty much confirmed that she was cheating on my dad.

My parents have been married for almost three decades, and it’s kind of an understatement to say he’s an antisocial psycho. He restricted her from so many things during their marriage—partly for religious/cultural reasons—and honestly did not appreciate what he had. He’s been a physical wreck for most of their marriage and has no personality to compensate. My mother, on the other hand, is one of the nicest and most caring people you could ever meet.

Okay: Dad’s an abusive asshole and borderline psycho, and Mom’s a beautiful woman with a lot of opportunities and social skills. The only reason she didn’t leave him was to keep the family together and for those same stupid cultural reasons. But it’s hard knowing my mom is a CPOS. It’s killing my older brother, who is close to her, and it’s making him really depressed. He feels betrayed, because for years he’s defended her against my father when he accuses her of cheating and calls her a whore. So what I want advice on is how the hell to confront her about it. I know I snooped in her e-mail, and I know that was wrong. So what the hell to say?

Mother Obliterated Monogamy

Here’s what you say to your mother: “Good for you, Mom.”

But you’re going to say it under your breath, MOM, audible but not quite loud enough for your mother to hear.

Because you’re not going to confront her about this affair or any other affair that you might uncover between now and your father’s death and you’re not going to tell your mom you snooped and you and your brother are going to go right on defending your mother to your father and you’re going to show a little respect—a little retroactive respect—for your mother’s privacy by pretending that you don’t know what you do know.

Is that clear?

Your mom sounds like a lovely woman, MOM, and you and your brother should be happy that she managed to find a little solace, a little love and tenderness, in the arms of a man who isn’t a raving asshole. She deserves that, doesn’t she? As for the CPOS label, that gets slapped only on people who cheat without cause, MOM, and it sure sounds like your mom had cause. Which means she’s not a cheating piece of shit. She’s cheating on a piece of shit.

Yes, yes: Maybe your mom should’ve divorced your father, or had him murdered, but for reasons that will only ever be known to her, MOM, she decided that keeping her family intact—maybe for cultural reasons, maybe for her boys—was more important than remaining faithful to an antisocial psycho. It’s easy to say that cheating is always wrong and to call everyone who cheats a POS, but sometimes an affair is the least worst option.

As for your brother’s feelings of betrayal: Maybe your dad was right and your mom was cheating on him throughout their marriage and his tirades were justified and your brother was a fool to defend your mother. Or maybe your mom decided, after being accused of cheating again and again, and after being called a whore again and again, that if she was going to be accused, indicted, and tried for that particular crime, she might as well have the pleasure of committing it. Encourage your brother to give your mother the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like she deserves it.

I’m a 28-year-old gay man. My only sibling is getting married next year, and I’m invited. My family doesn’t support my gayness. My mom has met my boyfriend only once and refused to be in his presence for more than two minutes. Should I bring my boyfriend to my sister’s wedding or ask him to stay home? My invitation came with only my name on it.

Brother Of The Bride

You say: “Hey, Sis. Looking forward to the wedding. I’ve been seeing a great guy for two years now, as you know, and I’m planning on bringing him to the wedding.”

If she says, “Don’t bring him. It’ll just piss off Mom,” then you say, “I’m coming with my boyfriend or I’m not coming at all—and remember, Sis, one day Mom will be dead and it’s just going to be you and me. So in the long run, you should be more concerned about pissing me off than pissing Mom off.”

And if she says, “Don’t bring him. I don’t want your gay boyfriend at my wedding,” then you say, “If you don’t want gays at your wedding, Sis, then you shouldn’t have invited me. I want to be there—but if I come, I’m bringing my boyfriend.”

Have the confrontation now, BOTB, so that you can’t be accused of trying to make trouble/drama right before your sister’s wedding. But you need to seize this opportunity to dictate terms to your family: They can have their homophobia or they can have you in their lives—but they can’t have both.

Last year, around this time, you promised to share your mom’s Christmas cookie recipe with the readers of your blog. I would love to try it out if you’re okay with sharing the recipe.

Jason

I’m delighted to share my mom’s Christmas cookie recipe. She made these chocolate snowballs every year when her kids were young. Once her kids were grown, Ma Savage shipped tins of these cookies to us if we couldn’t make it home for Christmas. Now I make them in December and ship tins off to my siblings on her behalf. It’s a great recipe for folks with little kids: There’s a step where you roll the dough into balls, a perfect job for little (freshly washed) hands.

I made some earlier this month, had a little sob (I’m still missing my mom), and got some tins off to my sibs. I’m happy to share my mom’s recipe with you, Jason, and with Savage Love readers.

Ma Savage’s Christmas Snowballs

2 cups flour

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/4 cup butter

2/3 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 cups pecans

confectioners’ sugar

Sift flour, salt, and cocoa together. Cream butter and sugar until fluffy, and add vanilla. Gradually beat dry ingredients into butter and sugar. Blend in pecans. Form dough into a loaf, wrap it up, put in fridge overnight.

Cut loaf into inch-thick slices, cut slices into inch-square cubes, roll cubes into balls about one inch in diameter. Bake on ungreased cookie sheet at 350 degrees for 20 minutes maximum. Transfer cookies off sheets right away and allow to cool completely. Put cookies in tub or tin, sift confectioners’ sugar over cookies, put lid on, turn tin or tub over a few times to coat cookies with confectioners’ sugar.

Enjoy my mom’s cookies and have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, everyone.

mail@savagelove.net

213 replies on “Savage Love”

  4. I hope MOM’s mother’s boyfriend is an awesome guy who proposes to her right after the last shovel of dirt is heaped on her asshole husband.

    Right over the grave, too.

    BOTB: When you get married, don’t invite her husband, and see how she likes it.

  5. How DARE you call your mother a CPOS, MOM. Your FATHER is the piece of shit and your mom is a saint for putting up with it for five minutes, let alone three decades!

    Let her enjoy whatever little joy she’s found away from your asshole father.

  6. MOM’s sons are misogynistic douchebags. Content to defend mom while she’s being abused. But the second she steps out of the martyr role–which they only find out about through snooping!–they forget their dad’s YEARS of abuse and start to question mom. How about shutting the fuck up and being thankful that she’s FINALLY doing something for herself? And discreetly? Assholes.

  8. Dan, why not encourage the sons to talk to their mother about divorcing the asshole? The sons are obviously old enough to handle it, and the mother’s rationalization to stay in the marriage is not as valid as before. Who knows, perhaps it can end well for three of the family members.

  9. re: BOTB

    I kind of agree with the advice, but kind of not. The sister doesn’t want drama at her wedding- and tried to make it clear by putting only BOTB’s name on the invite.

    I think it’s fair to ask if your boyfriend can come, but by making it a “her or me” thing, you’re putting her on the spot. It doesn’t sound like your sister has any problem with your lifestyle, she probably just doesn’t want any drama.

    You can choose to make this a political issue if you want, but it will add to her stress if you “win”. If she wants to make a stand, then fine, that would be awesome, but for her sake, please don’t push it.

    And at your wedding one day (and no matter where you live, you will be allowed to marry one day), if you don’t want screaming kids to be there and you ask her to leave them with a sitter, you will be grateful when she allows you to have your own, stress-free day, too.

  10. #7 – are we sure MOM is a son, rather than a daughter? Nothing in the letter indicates one way or the other. Not that girls can’t be misogynistic douchebags, or course! Dan’s advice is absolutely spot-on though.

    #5 – Yes, yes, and YES!

  11. Hey, MOM, how did your older brother find out about your mom’s private emails?
    HE feels “betrayed?” Your mother seems to have been betrayed by her entire family, including the children she stayed with (in the words of one of them) “an abusive asshole and borderline psycho” in order to protect.

    You should be ashamed of yourself. Not only does she deserve a better husband, she deserves better children. If you love her and you have the slightest bit of human compassion, you’d be cheering that she’s got one person in her life who wants to make her happy.

    Also, I don’t know how old you are, but grow up: your mother has a right to happiness in life, and the world isn’t as black-and-white as you’d seem to like it to be.

  13. and #10 — yes, it does sound like the sister has a problem with it. He says “my FAMILY doesn’t support my gayness,” not just his mother, and if you are right that she deliberately left off the “+1” (I don’t think we know that, fwiw), then yes, that’s a problem.

  14. #10 – Being gay isn’t a lifestyle. You can choose a lifestyle, but you can’t choose your sexual orientation.

    Think about BOTB’s situation, but imagine that instead of being gay, BOTB is a straight white guy with a racist family and an African American girlfriend. Is it okay not to invite his girlfriend to make sure there’s no drama?

    Bringing one’s significant other to a wedding isn’t a “political statement” and it’s not necessarily “taking a stand” – it’s just living a full, open life.

    I think Dan’s advice is spot-on, including the part about hashing it out ahead of time. That way the sister can choose: either to have her brother at her wedding, or to condone and enable homophobia.

  15. Oh, for the love of God, MOM. You have zero right to discuss anything with anyone.

    What’s that you say? It’s giving you an ulcer? Good. It serves you right. The next time you have the chance to violate someone else’s privacy, the gnawing pain in your gut will remind you to butt out.

  16. Right on, #9… maybe if the mother hears that she has the love and support of her children, she will find the courage to leave her husband…

  17. Yep, I have to agree; MOM and MOM’s brother should keep whatever they found confidential. If MOM’s description of their father is accurate, then their mother’s escapades look like a necessity for someone who wants to keep her sanity.

    My impression is that MOM is probably young (and so is his brother). He’s jumping to CPOS labeling because of the mere act of cheating; it feels as if he hasn’t noticed that people aren’t either 100% angelic or 100% demonic (I’ll bet their father also has a few redeeming features that weren’t mentioned). He wishes his mother were ‘pure’ and never had to lie.

    But time will help. He will grow and, after being in a few complicated situations himself, will realize that he still has — has always had — a great mom, despite any ‘cheating.’

  18. Jeez people! You’d be upset to learn that your mom/dad cheated on your dad/mom, too! Even if dad/mom is a total jerk! It’s just human nature — we like our parents perfect.

    And Dan, if you’re going to acknowledge that nearly anyone in a lifelong relationship is going to cheat a little, you should also acknowledge that anyone in a lifelong relationship is going to snoop a little. Both serve purposes, and both can be very painful.

  19. MOM, YOU are a prying gossipy blabber mouth selfish POS. You and your sibling need to butt out, grow up and grow a pair.

    BotB, you know that old saying “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission”? That applies double if it’s coming from your own family. Quit giving them permission.

  23. Dan, you’re really getting soft in your old age. I think the mid-90’s era DS would have ripped MOM a few new ones. She/He certainly deserves it.

    Still, your compassion most likely will get through to her/him a lot quicker than the vitriol which will be poured upon MOM in the ensuing comments. Vitriol that she/he so richly deserves. A brave woman with the patience of Job, and all MOM writes about is me, me, me.

    Oh, & @19….
    You reading comprehension isn’t up to par. Re-read the letter again.

  24. Um, sorry, but weddings are not date affairs. They are for family and close friends. If the boyfriend is not family (i.e. commitment ceremony or at the minimum cohabitation), the guy should not assume his bf belongs there. Much less that he can just invite him to his sister’s wedding. It’s her damn wedding, not his opportunity to make a political statement.

    But if he feels like the bf is family, he should politely decline the invitation and tell his sister that he already had plans to be with his real family (the bf) and he is not ditching the bf for her wedding. If she extends an invitation at that point, fine, he should go, if that’s what he wants. Otherwise he has just been handed a goldplated excuse to avoid a horrible event (all weddings are boring horrors, stop deluding yourselves, ladies). And mom and sis can wallow in the shit they dumped all over her special day by having to explain why their homophobia meant the family fag was a no-show.

    And not only would it be rude to the sister to give her an ultimatum to invite the boyfriend (maybe she has good reasons, maybe not), he ain’t doing the bf any favors by dragging him to an godawful family event he knows he was intentionally not invited to. That invitation purposely did not include the bf or “and guest”. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to crash a party, much less a party where I know I will not be welcome. Why does Dan think it’s so important to do so?

  25. Dear Dan,

    Thank you for the cookie recipe and Merry Christmas to you and your family too. It was so touching to read about your annual tradition and how you’re still missing your mom.

    Also, I totally agree with all the advice this week.

    @10 – If BOTB’s sister isn’t going to support him and his relationship, why should he go to her wedding and support hers? Being gay and having a boyfriend is normal, it’s not a matter of creating drama. The homophobic family is creating drama by refusing to accept BOTB, and the sister shouldn’t be accommodating that.

  26. I don’t agree at all with the advice for BOTB. His sister’s wedding is not an excuse to take hostages in the conflict with the parents. It’s her wedding, not BOTB’s, and while it’s perfectly fine for BOTB to ask if he can bring his +1, it’s a dick move to not respect the sister’s wishes. What kind of asshole says “I will only agree to come to your wedding if you agree to have mom and dad be pissed off the whole time?”

    There’s nothing the sister can do to make her parents enlightened. But BOTB can certainly, for one day, accept that his parents are less than enlightened and leave the boyfriend at home.

    Besides, who is to say the parents have anything to do with it? Maybe the sister doesn’t want the boyfriend there simply because he’s even more of a dick than BOTB is.

  27. @26: The sister isn’t having a wedding to support her brother’s relationship. She’s having a wedding to recognize HER relationship. If BOTB wants the sister to support his relationship, he should have a wedding and invite her.

    The sister is not obligated to induce drama/conflict into her wedding to support anyone else’s relationships. The sister can have a conflict-free wedding without her parents. Or she can have a conflict free wedding without the brother’s boyfriend. Parents win.

    And, if she must, she can have a conflict-free wedding without her brother and his boyfriend, but only if her brother insists on attempting to turn her wedding into a battleground for his conflict with his parents.

  28. God damn how are this many comments already?

    Advice for MOM: Dan nailed it. DO NOT SNOOP unless you are ready to find out the most nasty, disgusting things about the snoopee. Snoopy. heheh

    But seriously, let well enough alone. Your brother only knows because YOU TOLD HIM. Keep your hands and words to yourself next time.

  29. Sure, MOM’s mom should leave the dude. It would be lovely if she could discuss the possibility with her sons. But I think Dan picked up on something more important… mom’s privacy (or, after the asshole e-vesdropping, the illusion of privacy). To confront her would be humiliating. She’s put up with the bastard this long because she can’t or won’t leave him. The kids can talk with her about that, but to say they know about the affair is out of the question. MOM found out in an assholic way, so now he must suffer like an asshole. He must continue to shaddup shuttin up.

  30. I disagree with the advice to BOTB. It’s not about him and his boyfriend, it’s about his sister and her soon to be husband. Sure, it’s expected that one should invite the long term boyfriend/girlfriend of a sibling, but for all we know, maybe the sister doesn’t like her brother’s boyfriend, and it has nothing to do with her personal feelings on homosexuality in general. Or maybe she just wants a nice peaceful wedding without drama. Or maybe she’s only inviting family. Who knows? Whatever the reason, it is extremely rude to insist on bringing another guest, when only BOTB was invited in the first place. Would it be so bad if BOTB simply ASKED his sister why his boyfriend wasn’t invited in the first place, before starting to make demands and ultimatums?

  31. reading all y’all comments about how BOTB should shut up about his boyfriend not being invited to the wedding are sickening.

    you’re the kind of people who would pull this kind of homophobic shit and think you’d gotten away with it.

    here’s a hint: gay people can tell when you’re acting in a homophobic manner, even if you don’t make it obvious or say any homophobic words at the same time. grow a brain – not giving the gay kid a +1 invite is bullshit.

    because you are not gay, you wouldn’t know what it is like to have your family not acknowledge your relationship. you expect people to come to your weddings, give you gifts and free money just because you have formed a co-dependent emotional bond with another human being, but won’t extend the same recognition to BOTB because his old Ma might be offended. put yourself in another’s shoes for a change.

    good advice, Dan.

    as for MOM – agreed with basically everyone – OPTION A: either put your money where your mouth is, DON’T mention the emails but tell your mom that you support her if she decided to leave your father…

    OPTION B: don’t tell your mom shit, and you shouldn’t have mentioned anything to your brother either, it wasn’t yours to know or to tell. seems like you found more than you bargained for and now you can’t handle it. HINT: don’t snoop, dumbshit!

  33. I don’t understand all these comments that BOTB should suffer in silence. If she only invited her siblings and not their spouses/significant others, then that would be one thing. But to intentionally preclude him from having a date, ANY date, at a wedding when everyone else is going to be accompanied is flat out wrong.

    People are saying he shouldn’t use her wedding to make a political stand, but that is exactly what she is doing. Separate but equal never is.

  34. BotB’s participation is either important or it isn’t. If it isn’t, then they excuse him from the wedding. If it is, then it is, and they should take the boyfriend.

    Any other insistence is a mixed message BotB shouldn’t feel ashamed to say he isn’t equipped to accept. No one is that equipped.

    MOM’s mom left her login session live. She didn’t deserve to have her privacy violated, but no one didn’t deserve to be tempted like that like MOM was either. S/he should feel free to confess to an honest transgression. Breaks should fall all around.

  36. Dan, your advice to MOM is spot on. The son had no business snooping in his mum’s e-mail, much less sharing what he found with his brother. They need to let their mum have what little happiness she can. There are some things that are none of a our business where our parents are concerned. Just as there are things no parent wants to know about their kid. My dad controlled my mum in much the same way. Fortunately, they got divorced after 30 years. The irony of that was my dad filed for divorce to prove how much my mother needed him not expecting her take him up on the offer.

  37. I’m wondering if the only time they stand up for their mom to Psycho Dad is when he’s on the attack. maybe for a change, when things are nice and calm, they should just come out and call him out on what an asshole he is. put him on the defensive for a change, instead of always waiting for him to go off on the mom.

  38. Is it the Christmas spirit that has you all soft, Dan? MOM deserved one of your patented rants.

    You have to feel for MOM’s mom. She stays in a loveless marriage for three decades with an abusive, ugly, paranoid piece of shit. She does this in part to provide her two children with a family. Now she has two children with the gall to call HER a piece of shit for seeking a tiny bit of solace to keep her life bearable. Poor woman.

    The only thing you should discuss with your mother, MOM, is how best to go about getting a divorce now that you and your brother are old enough to handle it. Never indicate you are aware of her affair. She put up with unbelievable amounts of shit already. Enough is enough, help her get a life for herself.

  39. I guess I don’t see how wanting to bring a date along is a political statement just because you’re gay. Presumably everyone else invited is allowed to bring a date/spouse/whatever, or at least that the close family members are. Why should it be different just because BOTB is gay? He’s a *brother* not a random friend or distant relative. It still would be wrong to say they don’t want a not so close friend or distant relative to bring a same sex partner, but they can more easily just say ‘sorry, no partner, no attendance’.

    Personally, I think it’s a bit selfish on the sister’s part for not already addressing this in person one way or another. He’s the brother so unless he’s totally estranged from the rest of the family (which would make this an easier decision presumably, but maybe not) he’ll probably know whether this was a deliberate move to leave off his partner. If he’s not sure, then a tactful version of “I’d like to come, but can’t in good conscience pretend my partner doesn’t exist by leaving him behind”.

    The thing that bothers me is that people keep calling this a ‘political thing’. The only reason this is a ‘political thing’ is because other people are making it so by continuing to buy into the idea that it’s okay to deny someone just because they’re gay. This isn’t political, this is about having a partner that you don’t have to pretend doesn’t exist at society’s convenience.

  40. I went to my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding. It was one of the first trips we took together, and mom was not to happy. Neither was grandma. Luckily, sis and her new inlaws were more than happy to have me join the party. I even became an ad hoc usher and escorted grandma out of the church – much to her chagrin I’m sure.

    Five years later and mom still doesn’t acknowledge I exist. But, with every passing year, it becomes increasingly apparant WHO IT IS that has the problem. Not me, not my boyfriend, but only mom, who continues to shun…it’s obviously her loss.

  41. Like many others have said, MOM and his (her?) brother sound like they’ve inherited some of their father’s assholery. So, this is “killing” MOM’s brother. Boo-fucking-hoo. Now he feels that he shouldn’t have defended his mom from his dad when he called her a cheating whore? Does he not see how fucked up that is? “It’s wrong for dad to abuse mom, but only if she is accepting his abuse like a good Christian housewife, and not actually acting like an autonomous human being in need of love and affection.” So many things wrong with MOM in this letter. Snooping in his mother’s privacy because he was “bored”? Check. Feeling outrage at what he discovered that he wasn’t meant to? Check. Gossiping to other sibling about it before writing to Dan (or thinking for more than five minutes) to see what to do? Check. Understanding/defending his brother’s self-righteous indignation and possibly sharing in it himself? Check. Contemplating whether or not to possibly endanger his mom by telling a man he describes as a PSYCHO? Check. The whole fucking family needs a divorce and some serious therapy.

  42. Dan Savage is great, but he tends to default to the position he has here in answer to MOM: some strange on the side is okay, if you can find some rationalization for it. And humans can *always* find a rationalization for it.

    Yo, MOM, just a thought: maybe you missed the real show over the past few decades. Maybe you actually spent the last few decades watching your once-loving father become a bitter, angry man who treats your mom increasingly poorly because your mom was cheating on him all those years, and denying him the full love and and faithfulness she promised? Ever see what happens to a spouse who actually tries to make a marriage work, while the other spouse does as (s)he pleases? The devoted spouse usually ends up really, really pissed, especially if they are the ones who also pay the bills.

    And since kids are often unaware of their parents’ more complex personality traits until late teens or twenties, your primary memories of your dad’s behavior are formed in the later part of their marriage.

    My guess is your dad has a pretty good yarn to tell you about his marriage from years ago, and that you are just as clueless about that as you were about mom’s infidelity. Heck, he might even tell you “yeah, she has cheated on me so many times, with people I had to deal with after that, and I bore the humiliation each time, in order to give you the best home I could…I could not, however, always hide my anger at her for doing that to me…sorry you had to see that.” Now, wouldn’t *that* rock your world, just like those emails did?

    I am often suprised at how adult kids will view their parents’ marriage largely through the eyes of the parent they favor. That is, a momma’s boy will insist that his mom was largely blameless in a break-up or bad marriage, even though the dad has a pretty good story to explain how mom greatly contributed to the couple’s problems.

    In sum, every marriage is a mystery to outsiders, and kids are outsiders to their parents’ marriage. So STFU, keep your nose out of it, and do not presume to know your father’s story any more than you knew your mother’s.

  45. Yes, weddings are about the two people getting married, but it’s also about the blending of two families. That’s why they are called in-laws. To tell your sibling that they are welcome at the event but the partner or boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t is directly telling them that their relationship is second class at best. Would they exclude a straight sibling’s significant other? Yeah, didn’t think so.

    And as for drama, I was surprised as hell to get the invite to my youngest brother’s wedding. As the ‘Pink Sheep’ of the family, I was basically persona non grata. So I was shocked and thrilled to be asked to join in the festivities. It turns out my new sister-in law (Hi, Laura! Luv Ya!) insisted I be invited as I was family, cock-sucking be damned! The drama happened a little later when they asked if I wanted to be a Groomsman. Turns out my older brother, who was Best Man, got busted for running a Meth Lab on the farm he was renting from my sister. Suddenly, pole-smoking wasn’t such a bad thing after all. I guess it’s’ all perspective, isn’t it?

  46. @43

    so basically what you’re saying is that Dan should answer every letter with “I can’t rightly say what you should do until I get detailed accounts from every other person involved.”

    the dude wrote a letter, Dan gave advice based on the information given. Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, he’s not testifying under oath, he’s not part of any legally binding agreement.

  47. #34 nailed it. The drama started with the homophobic exclusion. Don’t blame the victim, blame the assholes who wish the victim didn’t exist.

  48. Merry Christmas, Dan. This is the year you earned the Nobel Peace Prize for “It Gets Better.” But you’ll have to settle for the love, admiration and gratitude of gay people all over the world and the people who love them.

    I think you might be a bit off with BOTB. In principle, it’s the bride’s day. If BOTB’s relationship would be a distraction, he should leave the boyfriend at home. That’s especially true if the sister has been supportive. If not, then maybe she deserves to be raked over the coals. But if I loved my sister, I wouldn’t try to make her feel bad on her special day. I’d give her a pass and fight this battle another time.

  49. I’m afraid my dirty mind won’t allow me to enjoy these wonderful cookies. When Dan says “snowball”, I definitely don’t think of holiday baked goods…

  50. Spot on advice to MOM. It constantly amazes me how people can read Dan’s column and still walk away with no concept of how the terms CPOS and GGG should be used.

    RE: BOBT

    Everyone who is saying that the wedding is about celebrating BOBT’s sister’s relationship is right, the wedding IS about celebrating her relationship. It is NOT about trying to reinforce her desire for her sibling to be something that he’s not. If his sister’s intention was really just to keep some family peace then she damn well should’ve talked to BOBT before she sent out the invites. Seeing as she didn’t, she more than deserves some direct conversation initiated by BOBT. Not dickish conversation but direct conversation.

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