My mother left her e-mail logged in on my computer, and I decided to be an asshole and snoop out of boredom. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything, but I found a few intimate e-mails between her and a strange man that pretty much confirmed that she was cheating on my dad.
My parents have been married for almost three decades, and it’s kind of an understatement to say he’s an antisocial psycho. He restricted her from so many things during their marriage—partly for religious/cultural reasons—and honestly did not appreciate what he had. He’s been a physical wreck for most of their marriage and has no personality to compensate. My mother, on the other hand, is one of the nicest and most caring people you could ever meet.
Okay: Dad’s an abusive asshole and borderline psycho, and Mom’s a beautiful woman with a lot of opportunities and social skills. The only reason she didn’t leave him was to keep the family together and for those same stupid cultural reasons. But it’s hard knowing my mom is a CPOS. It’s killing my older brother, who is close to her, and it’s making him really depressed. He feels betrayed, because for years he’s defended her against my father when he accuses her of cheating and calls her a whore. So what I want advice on is how the hell to confront her about it. I know I snooped in her e-mail, and I know that was wrong. So what the hell to say?
Mother Obliterated Monogamy
Here’s what you say to your mother: “Good for you, Mom.”
But you’re going to say it under your breath, MOM, audible but not quite loud enough for your mother to hear.
Because you’re not going to confront her about this affair or any other affair that you might uncover between now and your father’s death and you’re not going to tell your mom you snooped and you and your brother are going to go right on defending your mother to your father and you’re going to show a little respect—a little retroactive respect—for your mother’s privacy by pretending that you don’t know what you do know.
Is that clear?
Your mom sounds like a lovely woman, MOM, and you and your brother should be happy that she managed to find a little solace, a little love and tenderness, in the arms of a man who isn’t a raving asshole. She deserves that, doesn’t she? As for the CPOS label, that gets slapped only on people who cheat without cause, MOM, and it sure sounds like your mom had cause. Which means she’s not a cheating piece of shit. She’s cheating on a piece of shit.
Yes, yes: Maybe your mom should’ve divorced your father, or had him murdered, but for reasons that will only ever be known to her, MOM, she decided that keeping her family intact—maybe for cultural reasons, maybe for her boys—was more important than remaining faithful to an antisocial psycho. It’s easy to say that cheating is always wrong and to call everyone who cheats a POS, but sometimes an affair is the least worst option.
As for your brother’s feelings of betrayal: Maybe your dad was right and your mom was cheating on him throughout their marriage and his tirades were justified and your brother was a fool to defend your mother. Or maybe your mom decided, after being accused of cheating again and again, and after being called a whore again and again, that if she was going to be accused, indicted, and tried for that particular crime, she might as well have the pleasure of committing it. Encourage your brother to give your mother the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like she deserves it.
I’m a 28-year-old gay man. My only sibling is getting married next year, and I’m invited. My family doesn’t support my gayness. My mom has met my boyfriend only once and refused to be in his presence for more than two minutes. Should I bring my boyfriend to my sister’s wedding or ask him to stay home? My invitation came with only my name on it.
Brother Of The Bride
You say: “Hey, Sis. Looking forward to the wedding. I’ve been seeing a great guy for two years now, as you know, and I’m planning on bringing him to the wedding.”
If she says, “Don’t bring him. It’ll just piss off Mom,” then you say, “I’m coming with my boyfriend or I’m not coming at all—and remember, Sis, one day Mom will be dead and it’s just going to be you and me. So in the long run, you should be more concerned about pissing me off than pissing Mom off.”
And if she says, “Don’t bring him. I don’t want your gay boyfriend at my wedding,” then you say, “If you don’t want gays at your wedding, Sis, then you shouldn’t have invited me. I want to be there—but if I come, I’m bringing my boyfriend.”
Have the confrontation now, BOTB, so that you can’t be accused of trying to make trouble/drama right before your sister’s wedding. But you need to seize this opportunity to dictate terms to your family: They can have their homophobia or they can have you in their lives—but they can’t have both.
Last year, around this time, you promised to share your mom’s Christmas cookie recipe with the readers of your blog. I would love to try it out if you’re okay with sharing the recipe.
Jason
I’m delighted to share my mom’s Christmas cookie recipe. She made these chocolate snowballs every year when her kids were young. Once her kids were grown, Ma Savage shipped tins of these cookies to us if we couldn’t make it home for Christmas. Now I make them in December and ship tins off to my siblings on her behalf. It’s a great recipe for folks with little kids: There’s a step where you roll the dough into balls, a perfect job for little (freshly washed) hands.
I made some earlier this month, had a little sob (I’m still missing my mom), and got some tins off to my sibs. I’m happy to share my mom’s recipe with you, Jason, and with Savage Love readers.
Ma Savage’s Christmas Snowballs
2 cups flour
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/4 cup butter
2/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups pecans
confectioners’ sugar
Sift flour, salt, and cocoa together. Cream butter and sugar until fluffy, and add vanilla. Gradually beat dry ingredients into butter and sugar. Blend in pecans. Form dough into a loaf, wrap it up, put in fridge overnight.
Cut loaf into inch-thick slices, cut slices into inch-square cubes, roll cubes into balls about one inch in diameter. Bake on ungreased cookie sheet at 350 degrees for 20 minutes maximum. Transfer cookies off sheets right away and allow to cool completely. Put cookies in tub or tin, sift confectioners’ sugar over cookies, put lid on, turn tin or tub over a few times to coat cookies with confectioners’ sugar.
Enjoy my mom’s cookies and have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, everyone.
How do we know that mom wasn’t a CPOS from the outset of her relationship with Dad? How do we know that part of the reason Dad became an abusive asshole wasn’t because he was married to a lying, cheating whore? How do we know that Dad hasn’t had major medical issues all his life because of the torment he’s put up with from his lying, whorish wife? It’s easy to assume that mom put up with dad for unclear reasons of her own .. perhaps cultural .. but it’s just as easy to assume that dad has put up with a cheating whore wife for thirty years for similar reasons. Here’s the thing … none of us know what went on between mom and dad … none of us know which was the chicken and which was the egg … all we know is that they are in a dysfunctional relationship that has damaged them both.
@53
Well there’s the fact that dad’s anti-social, borderline psychotic behavior is possibly due to some “cultural” issues (orthodox something or other?) which, if that’s the case, would indicate that he was probably always a closet borderline asshole.
Other than that you’re right. And also; how do we know that aliens aren’t involved? or the mafia? or mafia aliens? How do we know that dad didn’t travel back in time to initiate an affair with Elenore Roosevelt which promoted MOM’s mom to cheat in the first place? Maybe dad was the one who had neglected mom and dad’s physical problems are the direct result of his trying (unsuccessfully) to auto fellate? And how do cats fit into this? We know they must somehow……hmmmmmm.
@28 – You’re right, BOTB’s sister isn’t having a wedding to support her brother’s relationship. But it goes without saying that, as someone who loves her brother, she should support him and his relationship regardless of whether she’s having a wedding or not — unless his boyfriend is some kind of abusive douche, which isn’t an issue raised by his letter.
To the people insisting that it’s the bride’s day, you’re all absolutely right. Which means she shouldn’t worry at all about catering to the homophobic parents, since it’s not their day. If she personally has a problem with BOTB as well, however, then fuck her.
As someone who’s been a bride, I would have been ashamed to exclude one of my sibling’s significant others because they happened to be the same sex.
Geez, MOM’s poor mom. That woman deserved better. Really.
I must be emotional or something today… your advice to MOM teared me up a little (of note: my father’s not a psycho; my mom’s not cheating on him). MOM mom’s has my every sympathy.
But, I’d add one piece to the advice. If the son/daughter saw the e-mail was open and could easily snoop, so too could the psycho father. I’d approach her, let her know it was all okay, but then warn her to be more careful. You don’t want the POS father reading these same e-mails and upping the ante towards violence.
Merry Christmas all!
Make that, “I’d approach her, let her know it was all okay, *apologize profusely for snooping*, but then warn her to be more careful.”
Also, we made the snowballs, but damn if they didn’t cook down flat as a normal cookie. What did we do wrong?
Thanks for the cookie recipe. I’ll be whipping up a batch tomorrow. Even though I didn’t know her, I’ll send a little smile your mom’s way and thank her for making such a good son.
The kids should encourage their mom to divorce their asshole dad. if she knew they’d stick with her, she might have the courage to leave this abusive relationship.
How dare they question HER instead of their father. If they loved their mother they’d support anything that makes her happy.
BOTB – As a bride, I can’t imagine not inviting my brother’s two-year SO. Male or female. Unless of course, it was a tiny wedding. I would call her, and put the feelers out, saying that you’d really like to bring your man. If you get the sense that she’s trying to arrange a drama-free wedding (and I would seriously hope that your family is mature enough not to throw a hissy fit because you bring your boyfriend), tell her that as you would love to be there to support her and her husband, you would also appreciate some support for your relationship. If she still doesn’t budge, well, I would say then that I wouldn’t go, and I wouldn’t send a gift.
And MOM is the reason I don’t want children. You dedicate your entire life to raising a human being or several, make serious sacrifices, and then they stand in judgment of your decisions because you do something they can’t comprehend.
The last dude’s sister is a total bitch. I would not even discuss it with her, as her intent was quite obvious. I simply would not go.
As a straight woman, I have to say that the # of people who say that BOTB is making a “statement# is sickening. I’m sure that other family members were invited with their spouses. Cousins were most likely given a plus 1. He was excluded because he is gay. Spot on Dan! You are my hero! Happy holidays to all.
Homophobia aside (and that is what it is, not “political”), not giving someone a +1 on a wedding invite is just tacky.
Also, thanks for the cookie recipe Dan. Sorry that it’s a painful time of year, but it’s beautiful that you can remember your mother (who sounds like she was a wonderful woman) through baking and sharing.
I’m worried that MOM’s Mom may be in deathly danger from the male members of her family… Why did this picture come into my mind?!
Merry Christmas Dan, thanks to you and your Mom for COOKIES!!!
Thanks for the cookie recipe, Dan. since I’m diabetic, I’m going to give it a whirl with Splenda. I’ll let you know how they turn out.
Cool Yule Y’all
I can’t refrain from commenting on the comments about BOTB. The extreme rudeness here is coming from BOTB’s sister, who had the gall to send him an invitation that excludes his significant other. Since she did that, Dan’s advice is absolutely right. BOTB should push the issue and refuse to come unless his boyfriend also comes and his family agrees to treat the boyfriend with respect. GROW UP, PEOPLE!!! A wedding is NOT supposed to be Bridezilla’s perfect day. It’s a celebration of relationships–Bridezilla’s included. As a gay man, my own policy has always been this: If I can’t get married, I support no one else’s right to marry. The only exceptions I make are for people who I know support gay marriage in general and who support my relationship in particular.
Why is bad behavior so frequently attributed to ‘cultural issues’? I can’t find Assholvania on the map so I’m not exactly sure where this culture of brutish louts is. Bad behavior is due almost exclusively to personal assholism rather than cultural assholism….
i agree with 69 . . . hehe . . .
saying a wedding is all about the bride is like saying that Christmas is all about buying and receiving presents. it’s just bullshit consumerism to make people feel that if they’re not spending enough money, they’re not doing it right.
Spot on advice all around. MOM snooped on his mom’s e-mail “to be an asshole out of boredom,” then expects people to sympathize with his “dilemma” of how to confront her with what he found? & told his older brother about it, even though he likely knew it would make him feel betrayed — & even though it was NONE OF HIS FUCKING BUSINESS to begin with? The advice he really needs is “don’t do something that you know from the start is an asshole thing to do.”
Can’t believe anyone has stepped in to defend the bride on the grounds that weddings are “the bride’s day” or “about the couple, not you” or whatever. If the couple wants to have an event that’s all about them, they should can host a swanky party & invite all their most glamorous friends. Or go on a nice weekend trip & not invite anyone else at all. When you ask someone to be a GUEST at your wedding, you’re taking on the responsibility of making them comfortable, feeding them well, & honoring their place in your life. In other words, being a good host. The purpose of a wedding isn’t to have a captive audience for your perfectly choreographed Barbie & Ken Show. And the whole day isn’t “all about” just one couple. If that’s your attitude to your guests, please elope.
I think that BOTB’s situation is pretty straight-forward. His sister wants him at the wedding, just minus his gayness. Regrettably (for her), much like his liver, his orientation is not something she can just have him remove for the day.
If she wants him there, she has to take all of him. If she can’t or won’t, then she should simply not invite him, and choose to live with the consequences of such a decision.
I agree with 10 31 et al. Your sister’s wedding isn’t the time to make a political statement or air dirty family laundry. It’s about supporting your sister whom you (presumably) love. If your sister would rather not have the drama that bringing your bf would create on HER day then you should respect that. I think you should inquire and figure out if bringing your fella is acceptable, but that you should respect whatever your sister decides. If i was getting married and my brother was dating a gal with Tourette syndrome who would undoubtedly cause i disturbance at my wedding i think it is perfect acceptable to not invite that person.
Dear Dan,
Thanks for sharing your mom’s cookie recipe. You’re a real sweetheart for keeping the tradition.
Your missing your mom for some reason made me think of what you say about all relationships coming to an end, until one doesn’t. But all relationships do come to an end, sadly. As your relationship with your mom came to an end, sadly. The sorrow we feel when such relationships end is the price we pay for the joy of knowing and loving others.
Wishing you much joy.
@74
If she’d rather not have the drama that BOTB’s life brings, then she’d better not have him at the wedding, so Dan’s solution works for everyone.
Also, your Tourette’s comment proves that you are a gigantic asshole. Go fuck yourself.
@74
Unless of course you were being ironic, in which case I’m an asshole. Go fuck myself.
@74: “If i was getting married and my brother was dating a gal with Tourette syndrome who would undoubtedly cause i disturbance at my wedding i think it is perfect acceptable to not invite that person.”
You are not a very nice person.
Hm, where else would your brother’s girlfriend not be invited? After all, there are so many lovely family occasions that should not be disturbed by the uncomfortable presence of the person your brother loves. Christmas… Thanksgiving… your parents’ 50th anniversary dinner… And really, there are so many different ways that people can be disruptive. Their sexual orientation. Their disabilities. Their colour. Their religion. Their politics. Really, why should your family occasions have to be disrupted by the presence of anyone who would in any way make you or someone else there a bit uncomfortable?
Family occasions are for family – all members, which includes significant others. No matter how uncomfortable they might make someone feel.*
*(Okay, I’d give a pass on inviting Uncle Badtouch, even if he is out on parole and on his meds. But then, there’s a difference between “makes me uncomfortable” and “registered sex offender”.)
Great advice, plus cookies! I love it! Merry Christmas to you and yours, too, Dan.
Weddings aren’t perfect days. The people that want them perfect get upset about the place settings or the flower arrangement that didn’t come out “perfect”.
Tourette’s – are you shitting me? The person with Tourette’s knows they have it. They’ve been excluded from stuff forever. Maybe you should accept them on that day of love, family, community, etc. Not all tourette’s is screaming obscenities, but I do think it would be kind of humorous to hear the occasional “blow job” screamed out during the vows. Someplace in between honor and obey.
Maybe BOTB’s sister will get her second wedding right 🙂
@80: “I do think it would be kind of humorous to hear the occasional “blow job” screamed out during the vows”
I wanted the words “blow job” to be in the vows, but my wife vetoed it.
I think we’ve stumbled on to the genesis of the origins of homosexuality in Dan. His mother had him eating “chocolate sno balls” ever since he was a young boy! My god, Dan, how did you ever miss this. I’ve seen pictures of your boyfriend and his balls, i’m quite sure, are not chocolate, but the sno balling that goes on in the Savage household is rampant I’d suspect. So, Dan, you can consider the next sentence to officially be a question for your next SLOG. Would eating Dan’s chocolate sno-balls make me gay?
74 is a glaring illustration of exactly what’s wrong with anyone defending BOTB’s sister. Yes, it’s her wedding day, and no, that doesn’t grant her impunity to treat certain members of her family like they’re something to be ashamed of. If she can’t fully accept her brother, she shouldn’t have invited him to the wedding at all.
@54: Nailed it.
MOM, you’re a douche. Fuck you for calling your mom a CPOS; you clearly have no idea how this works. Confront your *brother*, and support your mother.
And by that, I mean, it extends to never ever letting her live alone with your PSYCHO DAD. I’m assuming you still live with them, and when you get the financial wherewithal to move out, take your mom with you. Seriously. You owe that to her.
To BOTB: She’s your only sibling so I think you should be there. I think Dan is right and you should tell her you’d like to bring your boyfriend, at least to the ceremony and reception. You say the family doesn’t support your gayness, so I take that to mean your sister as well. But does that mean she is openly opposed to it or just a sad sack that won’t speak up for you to the rest of the family? This would be the time to find out exactly where she stands.
If it turns out she is just like your mom, well, maybe you should only go to the wedding ceremony but none of the other surrounding festivities (assuming the wedding is within comfortable driving distance and it doesn’t place a financial burden for you to do so). Buy a nice, tasteful gift, show up, smile and leave. No one can bitch at you later that you didn’t attend. Sure, you can try to reason with your sister, but if she is stupid and homophobic or just a scaredy-cat to stand up to the rest of the family, there isn’t much point in making it all a drama. Just let her know firmly that she is offending you, but you will be civil during “her day” (I really hate that phrase). Showing up,smiling grimly and then leaving is a statement, but no one can accuse you of ruining the wedding because you didn’t attend.
Be careful, cause emotions are always running hot at family events like weddings and it could easily become a huge family blow-up if you let it get to you. Don’t let them put you in a position that you get blamed.
@82: “Would eating Dan’s chocolate sno-balls make me gay?”
God, I hope so. My next Christmas bash would be sexy indeed.
Great advice, and those cookies sound awesome. My mom makes a vanilla version of those cookies (only she calls them Russian Tea Cakes), and a chocolate version sounds absolutely delicious!
@78 A marriage ceremony is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime event. It is about the people having the wedding. It isn’t Christmas which occurs every year and is a religious observance. Thanksgiving again happens every year and isn’t about honoring individuals. That is the big difference. The parent’s 50th wedding anniversary would be another good time to leave the bf at home if it’s going to cause a problem because it’s a day to honor individuals. The wedding is also a day to respect the wishes of those getting married. If they want you to wear green you wear green even if wearing green makes you uncomfortable. You don’t skip your sibling’s wedding because they would rather not have drama on their special day. That makes you an asshole. The bigger person would have a conversation asking for the bf to be able come and respect the decision because not everything is about you.
@83 not wanting your mother to freak out and have a shouting match with your sibling on your wedding day isn’t treating anybody with any disrespect or acting ashamed of them. It is about enjoying your wedding day which is totally selfish and totally justified.
@85: Expanding on your advice, I say bring the boyfriend to the ceremony, but skip the reception.
Meanwhile, I’ve NEVER been invited to a wedding, graduation, etc. where there wasn’t a +1 included with the invitation. To not give that option is simply uncouth.
@76 name-calling isn’t nice and ad hominem attacks are boorish. If you can’t argue the merits of my statement don’t argue at all…please.
Take your boyfriend to the wedding BOTB. It won’t be you creating the drama, it will be your mother, if she chooses to do so. Hopefully she will recognize that her daughter’s wedding is neither the time nor the place but all you can do is not buy into it.
Merry Christmas to you Dan.
#74: Bless your heart. You should maybe look up the word karma in a dictionary. It will help you understand things later.
@19 Uh, I did find out one of my parents was cheating. Yes, it was upsetting because I put that parent on a pedestal, but realizing that person was human brought me closer to my parents. Luckily the parent that was cheated on was able to see the same thing. They are now closer and more open than I’ve ever seen them.
Parents are not asexual nor perfect. Remember that.
To kmonkey (#10),
Being gay is not a lifestyle nor a political issue; rather, being gay is not a choice and further a human issue. To sacrifice one’s dignity for the sake of someone else’s comfort is inhuman. He should never have to sacrifice his dignity for the purpose of comforting his sister and the rest of his family, because that is outright condescending to him. If I were the brother, I would follow Dan’s advice spot on and give the sister a choice between him or homophobia.
To #10,
Being gay is not a lifestyle nor a political issue; rather, being gay is not a choice and further a human issue. To sacrifice one’s dignity for the sake of someone else’s comfort is inhuman. He should never have to sacrifice his dignity for the purpose of comforting his sister and the rest of his family, because that is outright condescending to him. If I were the brother, I would follow Dan’s advice spot on and give the sister a choice between him or homophobia.
#27 – To put this into perspective, BOTB’s partner is being taken hostage by BOTB’s family, and it’s a dick move by the sister to not invite BOTB’s partner…what kind of asshole ignores someone’s partner like that as if he is scum because someone else’s thoughts about him and homosexuality in general is more superior? There is never, ever a valid reason to further homophobia, not even for one day, not even at someone’s wedding.
Flounder: agree that one should respect the wishes of the couple, as much as is reasaonble, on their special day. But what if the *only* difference stated here was that BOTB was NOT gay…? If he had a girlfriend for two plus years, I guarantee she wouldn’t want to sit at home while her SO was at a wedding. There comes a point where a certain level of commitment is assumed between a couple of adults, & at that point it’s reasonable to expect them to be included on invitations to major events within a family.
BOTB hasn’t *talked to* his sister about this, which is what I think he should do. Brides get a lot of pressure – their own expectations, those of their family, the groom’s family, their mother’s reliving their own “special day” through their daughter; ugh. BOTB, find a moment in which your sis *isn’t* looking like she wants to hurl a wedding planner out of a window, & talk to her about things. Were I you, I’d want my sweetie there, but not everyone gets what they want. Sometimes ya gotta play politics. Me, I wouldn’t go w/out my boyfriend/girlfriend.
Good luck BOTB..& Flounder, regardless of what well may have been meant, comparing a gay relationship to one where a partner has Tourette’s was graceless at least. :/ Someone sitting there, quietly holding hands w/ someone should not cause the same potential for upset & unease as someone who can’t control shouting outbursts.
I come a very similar family dynamic. My father was a controlling piece of shit, handgun in your face wielding dick, (i was the victim of the gun thing when i was 14 and told him i was gay ), rage-oholic asshole. I believe that my parents’ marriage was doomed from the onset: when my mom got knocked with me, she finally put her foot down and decided to NOT have another backroom abortion. Unlike the TWO prior abortions he forced her to have, (this was the mid-60’s, an era of little or no women’s rights.)
So to “MOM”, i would think you’d want your mother a little piece of happiness. I WISH my mom my had had an affair, fling or something during her marriage, maybe that would have made her life with my father a tiny bit more tolerable. I even broached the subject with her when i was teenager, “screw dad, go out and have some fun!” But alas, because of her generational upbringing she never did and for that same reason she never divorced him. And now, my dad is dead, and she’s a broken, depressed lonely older lady.
On a happier note, Dan thank you for initiating the “It Gets Better” campaign! As all of us on this blog know, it has received major news coverage on all the various media outlets. And even if it saves just ONE kid’s life, what you and Terry started was well worth it million times over. Kudos to both of you. Dan you are my personal hero
Have a Merry Christmas to you, Terry and the kid.
Scrufff
Flounder, not everything is about an offended gay man, but if members of a family can’t accept him for who he is and who he loves, then they don’t deserve his company. Asking someone to wear green and forbidding someone from bringing the person they plan on spending the rest of their life with are not even close to the same thing. Your comparisons on the issue speak to a lack of understanding of what this family is asking. The sister in question may be getting married, but it’s not just her day. It’s her husband’s day, too. She is entitled to a drama-free day, but he is entitled to bring the person he shares his life with to family events. How would you feel if someone asked you not to bring your significant other because of his or her gender? And by BOTB not bringing his SO he tacitly agrees that his relationship is not on the same level as the rest of the family’s relationships.
I understand that weddings can be a huge day for a lot of women, but you don’t get to do whatever you want for your wedding without consequence. If she makes the decision that she doesn’t want to include a huge part of her brother’s life, then she should be prepared to not include her brother in her life.
@88: “@78 A marriage ceremony is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime event. It is about the people having the wedding.”
This is something we will have to disagree on. I’ve had two marriage ceremonies. Both were not (solely) about me and my wife; they were about our families, and the new family that we were forming together. This man is a part of his sister’s family; his partner is a part of his. I believe they both have a place in a celebration focused on family.
“You don’t skip your sibling’s wedding because they would rather not have drama on their special day. That makes you an asshole.”
I could equally say “you don’t refuse to allow your own brother to bring a guest to your wedding because you would rather not have drama.” Really, where would the drama be coming from? From the brother and his boyfriend? All they want is to attend the ceremony just like every other member of the family. All they are asking for is to be treated exactly the same as everyone else. The only drama I could see would be in someone refusing to do so.
@91 I didn’t argue, I called you an asshole. I stand by that. That isn’t nice, you’re right. Tell you what, you don’t have to invite me to your wedding.