You probably get this question every day. I’m a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she’s pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won’t work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work…
Oh My Fucking God
I get questions about female ejaculation every day—where does that shit come from? How the hell can I/my girlfriend learn to do that shit? Is that shit really piss?—but you’re the first person to ask me about modifying a sex toy so as to enable a woman to come in a man’s ass. (You’re going to want to patent that thing if it works, OMFG.)
Allow me to quickly dispense with the usual questions: It comes shooting out of a woman’s urethra; practice, practice, practice; that shit isn’t piss. How do we know it’s not piss? Science!
In 2007, a crack team of sex researchers in Vienna “collected” lady ejaculate from two lady ejaculators—not a huge sample, admittedly, but two lady ejaculators are better then none—and rushed their lady ejaculate to the lab, where it was “evaluated biochemically.” They published the results of their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (“The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate,” JSM, September 2007). They concluded that lady ejaculate isn’t piss, it’s come: “The fluid emitted [was] clearly different than urine voided prior to sexual activity,” they wrote. “The values show that the source of fluid expulsion during orgasm is not urine, but is rather similar to male ejaculate.”
As lady ejaculate is chemically similar to gentleman ejaculate, OMFG, the risks of a lady ejaculating in your ass would presumably be similar to the risks of a gentleman ejaculating in your ass: You would be at risk of acquiring any sexually transmitted infection she might have. But if your lady ejaculator is disease-free, OMFG, then letting her come in your ass is a risk-free, if not squick-free, activity.
I’m a 24-year-old female living in London, where I have just finished a degree in circus arts. I’m in a relationship with a great guy. The problem is that while I have had long- and short-term relationships before, he hasn’t, and he can be very emotionally needy. For example, he can’t/won’t sleep without me in the bed. We’ve been together for 10 months, and he often tells me that I’m everything in his life. I’ve told him that under no circumstances is this normal, and I’ve confirmed my right to have a life outside of him. The real crux of the situation is this: I worked on and off as a stripper in a high-end club for two years. I haven’t done it while with him because of the physical demands of my degree. Now I’m done and broke and want to return to this work. This is an issue for him, as you can imagine. I won’t compromise: The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn’t orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.
I don’t know how to handle this issue: He knew this about me when we met and says he hoped it wouldn’t carry on. I feel upset that he hasn’t accepted the whole of me and I guess part of me wonders if I’m in the wrong relationship. I love this man, but I feel trapped.
Clown College Graduate
Inexperience might explain extreme emotional neediness, CCG, but it’s no excuse. It’s just as likely that your boyfriend’s clingy, manipulative shtick—he just can’t sleep alone, you’re his everything, if you go back to a job you loved before you loved him, well, he’ll be vewy sad—looks to me like controlling, emotionally abusive behavior in pathetic sad-clown drag.
But you like him, CCG, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Tell your boyfriend that you’re going back to your old job and he has a choice to make: Get over it or get over you.
If he sucks it up and makes an effort to change, he was just an insecure little douchebag and, hey, you helped him get over it! If he doubles down on the whining and clinging, then he’s a controlling dick and you’re well rid of him.
A quick comment on monogamy: I agree with you on the point that we tend to assume that all the other couples we know are in monogamous relationships, when in reality many are not. Recently, my mom told me that she wouldn’t mind if my father had an affair. Sex has become harder for her since menopause, and she doesn’t consider it the be-all and end-all of a marriage.
I’ve been married for a year, with several years of dating before that, and sex and arousal can be difficult for me and I have a lower libido than my husband. I’m not complaining—my husband is a wonderful lover and has been good about taking things at the right pace for me. And when the sex works, it’s amazing. One thing that really takes the pressure off me, though, is that we agreed long before marriage that faithfulness for us meant honesty, not exclusivity. My husband knows that if he wants to fool around, he can—so long as he’s safe and honest (with me and with her). The same goes for me.
Does my marriage, or my parents’ marriage, count as monogamous? We look monogamous and probably will always look that way—and at the moment, we all are. But we’ve agreed that strict monogamy isn’t a requirement. Since I doubt that we’re alone in this attitude, you can add this group of “theoretical nonmonogamists” to the list of people who get wrongly classed by your critics as totally monogamous out of a lack of imagination and knowledge about other people’s lives.
Invisible In Canada
I’m convinced that there are a lot more PTBMCs out there than people realize—that’s “perceived to be monogamous couple,” a married/partnered couple with an understanding about when outside sexual contact is permissible. But for most of these couples—for you, IIC, for your parents, for me and my husband—the term “nonmonogamous” isn’t a good fit.
Tell an AMC—”actually monogamous couple”—that you’re nonmonogamous, and they’ll assume you’re a couple of huge sluts, i.e., that you’re actively seeking outside sex partners or that you’re swingers. There’s nothing wrong with seeking outside sex partners (in moderation!) or swinging (ditto!), but that’s not what you’re doing, IIC, it’s not what your dad has permission to do, and it’s not what my husband and I are doing. So if we—you, me, your mom—tell an AMC we’re “nonmonogamous,” we have to spend the next 15 minutes qualifying that statement. And that requires us to disclose more details about our actual sex lives than
(1) we wanna say, and (2) they wanna hear.
So I’ve got a new word to describe relationships like yours, mine, and your mom’s, IIC: “monogamish.” We’re mostly monogamous, not swingers, not actively looking. Monogamish.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Regarding whether everyone and their brother needs to know the details of of your monogamish or polyamorous relationship with your lover(s), I can see where at first blush one might say no. On the other hand, for many of us, even when we live in a city, our social circles often intersect, or are even piled on top of each other. Consequently, if people assume that the relationship that they see you in, be it a formal marriage or a long term regular squeeze, meets the cultural stereotype of monogomy then evidence of a deviation from that preconception might lead to the assumption that you are cheating on your SO. Inasmuch as cheating is a form of dishonesty and (hopefully) people still recoil from dishonesty, not letting on to the nature of your relationship is can hurt your standing in your community.
Oh yeah, and if you date within your community you may be losing out on some good opportunities with people who assume that you are monogamous and who might not want to be stepping on your SO’s action or exposing themselves to inconvienent drama. Our worlds are often a lot smaller than we think they are.
@108
Thanks for your concern(?) but no, if anything he’s less troubled by it than I am. He’s 1. just as busy as I am and 2. very low maintenance.
Let me be clear though; it’s not just pramatic time concerns that turn me off of polygamy. It doesn’t appeal to me in any faculty.
It is interesting to see everyone lay into CCG’s man. Is he not just forcefully expressing his desires? IIRC, last week, many here were arguing that the line between persuasion and manipulation is a fine one, and that some manipulation is kosher. But, of course, that only applies if you are a sexually-adventures wannabe poly, not if you are an emotionally-needy guy.
I don’t get it: the anti-monogamists say that “it’s not natural” to be monogamous, implying that people should live up to their natures. Well, if this guy’s nature is that he is more emotionally needful than most, why all the hate?
Ah, now, cockyballsup; you just want me to quit testifying and go to bragging. Suffice it to say that I am a middle aged emptynester who is comfortable with a 40 hr/wk job, can walk to work if I so choose, and prefers to date women who live within a few blocks of my house. It’s not a complicated life and leaves plenty of time for sex drugs and rock n roll.
GQbd@117, how do you find these conveniently located women?
mydriasis (last @ # 113), there is always a danger in these forums of giving the impression that one is commenting on some previous commenter’s personal situation specifically when all you really intend to do is comment on facts or scenarios that might apply to a broad range of people. To the extent that I came across as opining on you and your guy’s thing I apologize. That was not my intention.
@105 (maddy811)
I agree with what you said, but I’m not conflating monogamish with polyamory. I also dislike monogamy, sexist polygyny, and the cultural value that sex should be about love. Intellectually, I get that monogamy and sex only in the presence of love works for other people, but I wish it didn’t and I wish there was less of it. I’m just recording the same reaction to monogamish. It’s not a productive, useful, or kind reaction I’m having, so maybe I shouldn’t have posted about it, but I did.
There is a spectrum between monogamish and polyamory, and spectrums of relationships inside those two categories. Some poly people don’t have primary partners, and in some poly relationships people don’t ever meet their lover’s other lovers. To me, the big difference between monogamish and polyamory is the importance of the pair bond, and I dislike the pair bond, so that means I dislike monogamish.
My spouse was talking to a friend about our relationship, and the friend told em that, from what they’d heard from friends, swinging was better than polyamory, because couples stayed together longer with swinging than with polyamory. This value system assumes that the pair bond is the most important thing, and relationships that lead to the longest chronological pair bonds are better. I disagree, and see this as a monogamy centric viewpoint. To me, the ideals of monogamish seem too much like the ideals of monogamy.
EricaP, my current exclusive GF would tell you that I sit on my front porch and smile when women walk by. Sometimes they smile back. That is not the only way I meet people but that is how it works in more than a few cases. A smile is very sexy thing. I commend it to everyone.
Yeah, now that female ejaculation has become prominent in porn — and since one of our female friends has claimed to be a squirter — my husband feels bummed out that he can’t make me squirt. Ugh. I feel great about our sex life until he brings up squirting, then I just feel inadequate.
color me impressed.
@123 is meant for @121. I hope j2patter@122’s husband learns to stop pushing her.
You honor me EricaP. Yours are some of the most sympathetic and elucidating comments in this forum.
@98, 99, 102, 103, 110:
I’m pretty sure #4 was trolling: that is, saying something just to stir up angry opposition.
Here’s some more info on the source and quantity of female ejaculate: http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/femal…
Essentially, it can be up to 2 cups: the fluid is produced by the female prostate and stored in the bladder (which has a capacity of 2 cups), though it isn’t urine.
You can check this by peeing as much as you can, fully emptying your bladder, then ejaculating large quantities of fluid: since you emptied your bladder first, clearly the fluid wasn’t stored there, but was generated by the female prostate during the process of stimulation and ejaculation.
@109: I meant, why do you think those jobs aren’t “ok”? (Just curious; they seemed a bit random.)
@106, 111: Since the general assumption is that you’re expected to behave differently to/around people who are not available to date others than to people who are, it’s probably a good idea for someone’s “availability” status to be a public thing.
In addition, what about monogamish people who are very close with one of the friends they sleep with sometimes? They may want “public acknowledgment and acceptance” even without long-term cohabitation.
Don’t you just love it. MB gets periodically incapacitated by stress and wants to be President. No stress there, but then we all know who really would be President after all she is such a dutiful (submissive) little breeder.
@120: Yeah, I dislike monogamy as a “value,” but really it’s just one of many possible structures that make relationships work for people. I feel torn between thinking it’s just how some people are wired, and thinking it’s unhealthy and weird.
I do share your wish that there was less of it. I have the same squick to it that I do to an acquaintance’s relationship, where they agreed that each of them was not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. It just seems sick and possessive and controlling.
Why are you against a pair bond, though? Even in a polyamorous relationship, there are still pair bonds, just more of them.
Don’t you just love it. MB gets periodically incapacitated by stress and wants to be President. No stress there, but then we all know who really would be President after all she is such a dutiful (submissive) little breeder.
@86 I was expressing two unrelated thoughts. The second had nothing to do with her job. I was thinking about the differences in experience and neediness. A sense of growing frustration on her part.
Am I the only one who reads the title and hears the “Mahna mahna” song from Sesame Street in my head? Monogamish, doo doo de doo doo. Monogamish, doo doo de doo.
So would the results of OMFG getting pegged with his new toy qualify as santorum? Or is some modification of the word required? Santora?
Monogamish, brilliant.
@119 Thanks 🙂
@132
It is how some people are wired, trust.
Before I met the current bf I was super promiscuious and loved being single and having choices. I liked the novelty of being with someone new all the time. When I’m in a relationship I don’t notice other guys. When someone comes on to me it’s reflexive for me to stop them. I don’t need to think about it. I don’t miss being single and I don’t feel like I’m missing out.
But again, I’m 100% for people being comfortable with nonmonogamy and it benifits everyone (not least of all, me) for us to live in a world where people freely talk about which way they’re wired.
Re the pegging/female ejaculate letter: I propose that The Frothy Mix of Lube, Fecal Matter, and Female Ejaculate that is sometimes the byproduct of pegging be henceforth known as Bachmann. Or Marcus, if you think that’s funnier.
@132 (BlackRose)
When I said “pair bond” I meant a relationship that is supposed to be more important than other social relationships. In other words, my use of “pair bond” has monogamy, or at least monogamish or swinger, connotations. I also happen to really, really like small group interactions, which are different from one of one interactions (which I also like!).
@138: My problem is not with anyone feeling that way, but more with people insisting that their partner should always feel that way. Or making a rule that their partner should never date/kiss/flirt with/have sex with anyone else.
@140: Isn’t that also the case in poly relationships where there is a primary partner as well as secondary partners?
@141
Why?
I’m hetero – do you also have a problem with me “insisting” that my partner have a penis?
I’m not insisting YOU need to be that way, it’s just something that I want in a relationship – and experience suggests I’m not the only one. Not all guys get off on their woman being with other men. In fact there’s a lot of guys out there who get (*gasp*) jealous!
I don’t understand why you have a problem with something that two consenting adults agree to in a relationship.(It’s not a ‘rule’ one person makes for the other, it’s something that gets agreed on when one person says ‘so… do you want to be exclusive?’ and the other one says ‘hey sure’. It’s not as draconian as you make it sound)
I have no problem with other people being poly but at this point in my relationship I can’t deal with it (and we’ve had polyfuckus points and shared girlfriends points). It’s not jealousy or drama, it’s the time thing and also it’s hard enough dealing with one another’s shit and getting it down just being together without adding another fucking layer on top of it with someone else’s bullshit to deal with.
I can squirt but I dislike doing it. It doesn’t make the O any better or worse but it makes my bed have a nasty wet spot I dislike, and I don’t like the feel of towels under my ass. And I too have experienced the “project” feeling of a man where he’s decided I need to have this kind of O and he is just the one to bring me there. Ugh… spare me. When did a plain old BJ go out of style? Now it’s all anal and squirting. And I’ve tried anal every which way and unlike everyone else I fucking hate Tristan Taoromino because NO not everyone CAN like anal but fuck me if that’s not exactly what most men take from her books when they read them. Men should be fucking banned from reading those books unless they have a partner who is so into having it up her ass she gives him a copy.
In other news, I am glad I married a man who finds anal totally gross, and I found this out entirely on accident before we ever even started flirting. I confess I began flirting with him immediately upon discovering this.
@143: Of course consenting adults can organize their relationship however they want, and I’m glad that they have the freedom to do so and options to choose from. I don’t think it’s a male/female thing necessarily, just different preferences. (And every single human on the planet gets jealous sometimes, monogamous or not, it’s just a question of how you handle the jealousy.)
But, well, it squicks me a little. Like scat play, or cuckold fantasies, or 24/7 TPE, or saying that your partner is not allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, something about it just strikes me as unhealthy and controlling. It bothers me because it’s regulating your partner’s behavior even when they’re not spending time with you. It’s specifying not what you want in your relationship, but the kind of relationships that your partner is allowed to have with other people. Compare “don’t whistle around me cause it bothers me” with “don’t whistle around other people when I’m not there, because I’ll feel hurt and betrayed if you do.”
And part of it is just that monogamy is seen as a good thing, a cultural ideal, an expectation that that’s how mature responsible adults are supposed to live. So people do get stuck in monogamy if they’re not careful, just because it’s the default. And people do get pressured into it in all sorts of subtle ways.
And of course, when people agree to be exclusive and someone slips up, as people do because no one is perfect, it’s seen as a horrible thing to do, a betrayal, making you a “cheating piece of shit,” rather than just accepting that people make mistakes. While you don’t notice or think about dating or flirting with other people, that’s not the case for everyone, and a slip-up gets seen as a horrible breach of trust or as “giving into temptation.” Whereas if someone, say, promises to wash the dishes every night, and misses a night once in a while, it’s not a big deal.
In other words, it’s often seen not just an agreement to be exclusive, but as a moral judgment on the other person for how they act. And the “temptation” to date or flirt or have sex with someone else is always all around you.
And while you talk about it as just a ‘hey, sure, let’s be exclusive’ kind of discussion, sometimes it is what one person really wants while the other isn’t sure, or is reluctant, but goes along to try it, or they think it’s what they should do, or they want to make their partner happy, or they’re afraid to make waves. It’s something that can be used to manipulate or guilt-trip a partner, especially when people don’t understand or accept non-monogamous relationships as legitimate. (“How could you want other people? You must not love me? Am I not good enough?”)
It’s difficult to look at the costs and benefits of choosing monogamy, and make a rational decision, when it’s such an emotional and moral issue for people. Speaking personally, it’s been an ultimatum that I’ve received many times, not a ‘hey, let’s be exclusive’ thing, and it’s hard to know how to respond to that.
I know this is an irrational prejudice of mine in some ways, and I certainly am not trying to tell you or anyone else how you should conduct your relationships. But I wish monogamy weren’t as common, and I think in a more free and honest world a monogamous relationship would generally be seen as an odd and somewhat controlling choice that people nevertheless occasionally choose. There is a case to be made that monogamy is not as healthy or realistic of a relationship model as other options.
@145 “Of course consenting adults can organize their relationship however they want”
No they can’t, especially not when kids are involved. If nothing else, the law and state gets involved (usually badly, the law is an ass). Cultural expectations affect it, and other people sometimes have legitimate interests in the outcome.
I’m absolutely with you that a more flexibile and understanding take on what should be done in each circumstance would work much better.
Unfortunately, there’s now a common view of monogomy with strict insistence on sexual fidelity, but without any commitment to be GGG – the opposite in fact: an ideology of autonomy and no responsiblities, whilst constraining the other person to exclusivity. I do like Dan’s clarity on that lunacy.
@145 BlackRose
I’m enjoying your thoughtful commentary. This might seem to nitpick but I think it’s an important element here. You wrote:
“if someone, say, promises to wash the dishes every night, and misses a night once in a while, it’s not a big deal”
This made me recall Stevie Nicks singing, “well I’ve been afraid of changing ’cause I built my life around you.” No one builds their life around housework. They do set out to build a life around a particular commitment to a relationship. That may be monogamous or not, but whatever rules you set up, and no matter how many people are involved, that commitment is the biggest thing in your life. Having a “slip up” there is the biggest upset that you will experience (excluding death).
I fail to see how you’re not just moralizing it as ‘bad/unhealthy’ instead of ‘good/mature’. When I think intellectually you know (and I’ve been trying to argue) that it’s not a moral issue, simply a preference one.
Like I said, some people are wired to monogamy. I have no desire to force/pressure someone into a monogamous relationship, I just want to be with someone who wants the same lifestyle as me. (Don’t a lot of us?)
I’m sorry you’ve had such negative experiences but for me personally the conversation WAS like that. Me and the boyfriend started out as, I guess ‘sex buddies’ and early (within the first two or three weeks, I think) after we started seeing eachother I had some sexual things happen with other people. It never came up until we had the exclusivity talk and it turned out that through the whole time we had been involved he hadn’t been with anyone else. He’s not wired that way either. And he wasn’t stoked on the fact that I had (although obviously it was kosher since we were nowhere near official at that point) but he didn’t hold it against me. But he was happy to know that it wouldn’t be happening in the future.
You’re still looking at it from the frame of one person wanting to fuck around and the other person forbidding them to do it. While that DOES happen and while it may be your experience, that’s not the definition of monogamy and it’s certainly not what a person aspires to in a monogamous relationship any more than petty infighting and jealousy is what poly relationships aspire to.
All in all I think you’re largely ignoring the mutual nature of monogamous relationships (the ones done right). When I’m in a relationship I actually really like turning guys down because I know how important it is to my S/O. It’s nice to have something that we have together that no one else gets to have.
I don’t feel “controlled” – I’m doing something that makes a person I love happy. I don’t understand why that has to squick you out, but oh well.
@Mr. J/Blackrose
Thanks for taking a crack at that comment, I wasn’t sure how to approach it since our feelings are so different.
I finally came up with an analogy though. It’s not like doing the dishes. So here goes: I’m a meat eater. I love bacon. But let’s – for the sake of argument – say I’m a vegetarian. I want my boyfriend to be a vegetarian too, since it matters to me. I meet a guy, it comes up, and it turns out he is too! A long term relationship ensues and then one day I walk by a restaurant and see him eating a huge burger with a friend.
That’s kind of more along the lines of what cheating is like? If that helps?
@mydriasis
I’ve been quite clear on your thinking for some time now. Don’t feel that you need to clarify for my sake. I have no problem with what you said @148,150. You recognize that there is a distinction between wanting something for your own life and making rules for society.
@150 – but what do you do then? (rhetorical you) Is vegetarianism important enough to ditch a long relationship? Or do you decide that you value this particular person (who occasionally eats meat) more than the principle of both of you never eating meat? Life is hard, and people do change.
Erica,
The more salient point (for me) is the lie. If the person was always a meat-eater then they should’ve told me from the beginning, to not do so is a lack of respect – I think respect is extremely important in a relationship. (Yes, more important than fidelity)
So the meat-eating (or cheating) coupled with the lie is absolutely enough to ditch a relationship. (For me.) I need to be able to trust my partner and if they lied to me about something that important then I don’t know if I’d be able to trust them ever again. (This is MY issue/bias.)
If they brought up “hey I want to eat meat now” that would be different or if they told me from the beginning they’re not a vegetarian. Dan Savage seems to agree on this point.
@Mr. J it was more for BlackRose’s sake but thanks. I appreciate that someone understands my message. 🙂
You used the word “then” instead of “than” and have a comma splice. All that, and I’m still only on the first response. WHERE ARE YOUR EDITORS?!
@126–that is baloney. Yes, the process of reaching ejaculation does involve a similar feeling to milk letdown in the breasts, in the bladder–fluid is produced. But I have a very hard time believing that all that fluid is coming solely from the Skene’s glands. It’s piss. It’s piss perhaps more diluted than usual and mixed with Skene’s glands ejaculatory fluid so chemically different from regular urine, but come on. And any piss that may already be in the bladder doesn’t magically disappear either.
I think it’s cute how men jump through hoops trying to convince women that it’s some sort of magical elixir to make them feel less inhibited and more able to do it, and I certainly agree that it’s more than just a woman peeing forcefully, but whether you call it amrita or squirty juice, it’s still mostly piss.
I’ve a feeling it would be pedagogical for the clingy fellow in the second letter to have to get over her who wrote the letter.
@4 (even though it’s 150 responses later…)
You sound like one of those women who hates porn because of your own insecurities: probably surrounding body image (I’m sorry, but that’s generally the type of woman who feels threatened by images of women in porn) or perhaps some sort of sexual abuse? I know, I know, I’m making grand accusations and I don’t know you from Eve. I could be wrong. But the fact is, my boyfriend consumed HUGE amounts of porn in high school (I watched it too, being the sexually liberated girl I am, though not nearly as much as he did), and he was a WONDERFUL, gentle, giving lover. I don’t think watching porn makes you…disrespect or not understand a woman’s sexuality any more than playing video games makes you violent in “real life.”
It sounds like you have a stick up your ass…when really maybe what you need is a “stick” up your ass, know what I’m saying? 😉
@153 – yep, the 4-month lie was the worst of it. But, you know, we’d been together half our lives. He hadn’t been lying that whole time; this was a newly felt need. For the record, Dan advised me to forgive this particular lie, if I could, as long as there weren’t more and more of them. I’m a flawed human, and I decided to accept that my husband is a flawed human (with a cute butt 🙂
BlackRose: your comment at #145 seems to ignore that poly people often have rules, too. It’s not a dichotomy of “monitoring your partner’s every move” vs. “TOTAL FREE-FOR-ALL!” – it’s a continuum. Within monogamy you get some couples where glancing at an attractive stranger would be grounds for a fight, and other couples where one person could go out and get lap dances from strippers all night and the other wouldn’t care as long as there was no sex. On the poly end, when I was dating a guy in an open marriage, he wasn’t allowed to see me more than three times a week or to ever spend the night at my apartment. And then again I knew a guy who didn’t believe in placing his partners in a hierarchy of “primary” or “secondary” and preferred to let his relationships happen more organically…but when he wanted to fuck one of his partner’s best friends, she flipped out at the idea (the two girls had fought over guys all through high school with the friend usually “winning” and it was still a sore spot for her) so he didn’t. It all comes down to what any given person is prepared to handle – and how much they’re willing to do for someone they love.
I do think it’s absurd that monogamy is the default state of relationships – in high school I (and everyone else I knew) thought going out with someone a handful of times meant you were a couple now, and it didn’t even occur to us to question this, which landed a lot of people in wildly misguided relationships. But oh well…the important thing is that I learned from my mistakes and now I negotiate my relationships on a case-by-case basis.
My current relationship started out monogamous because I was only interested in my boyfriend and he was only interested in me. There was no “controlling” of anyone; just, “Here’s how I feel” “Hey, me too!” “Cool. If it ever changes for you, please let me know. I’ll do the same.” …And things did change, and we’re adapting accordingly.
Hmm, it’s surprising to hear fee-jak is chemically similar to male ejaculate, and I’m not sure I believe it, since they are widely dissimilar in feel, taste, looks and smell!
Fee-jak is like WATER, with no smell or taste whatsoever, and when it dries, it’s as though it was never there.
I state this not from scientific experiment, but from many years of my own experience. Maybe SOME women shoot sticky stinky goo, but I doubt it.
This is sort of completely off-topic, but it’s burdening me and I need to get it out. I’ve posted on here extensively about relationship struggles – said some things about my girlfriend (now ex) which were absolutely brutal…to the point that I was admonished (rather politely) that it “didn’t sound like I really liked her very much”. I was focused on me, and my gripes and venting freely…thinking anonymity made it all ok somehow.
Well, she connected those comments to me, and the hurt that has caused her is beyond belief. I can’t see how to ever expiate that – she has not spoken to me once since – but I need to say how horrible I feel for the pain inflicted. This is truly the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone.
@peverse cowgirl
nail. on. head. thank you!
@Erica
we’re all flawed and we have flaws we can and cannot accept. cheating is a flaw I can’t accept. There are many flaws I can accept that other women might not.
ps. I’m so sick of talking about what female ejaculate is made of 🙁 I’m supposed to be eating lunch in 5 minutes….ugh
@161 awwwww 🙁 I’m sorry. Lesson learned.
Sit on my porch and smile? That’s all I have to do!? Christ, don’t let the online dating industry know, they’ll sue you for lost business.
@161 cvilletop
You are entitled to your feelings. Is she really upset by what you wrote or by the fact that you wrote it? Both? The way she split doesn’t speak well for her commitment.