This week's Savage Love Letters of the Day: what to expect when you're expecting to run into a coworker who accidentally flashed her boobs in a Zoom meeting; at what temperature should one keep one's tits when one is crushing on someone during a pandemic; how guilty should a guy feel about getting spanked behind his husband's back; and just how annoyed is a wife allowed to feel about the "maintenance spankings" her husband needs. And, of course, this week's Savage Love and this week's Savage Lovecast.

First up, regarding SPANK...

Some people need to be spanked, and my belief is that even vanilla people owe it to their partners to spank them from time-to-time to keep them happy. Spanking, like simple bondage, is a low-stakes form of BDSM, and is in my mind a reasonable ask of a partner, even one not inclined to incorporate D/s into a relationship. Unwilling to perform this simple low-stakes act? Then agree to let someone else do this thing to you partner. I must add that I don't see spanking as sexual per se, and don't consider the women I have spanked as being among my sex partners. I see this more as I would getting a professional massage. — Sublime Afterglow


To those who think that spanking is no big deal and why not just do it.... I could possibly bring myself to spank my partner if it was really important to them. What I couldn't do is bring any sense of play or sexiness to it. I'm a big girl, I could summon up the wherewithal to do it, but I'd have to shut myself down emotionally in order to manage it. And if I had to add, "You're a bad bad boy," or the like? I dunno. Certainly couldn't do it with any kind of sexiness or fun, more a question of steeling myself, gritting my teeth to get through it, and then having to leave the house to go for a long drive. For me, sexual violence seems as much "a kink too far" as does, oh, scat play. But I've had public sex, I've had gang bangs—it's not a question of "nothing but missionary position with the lights off." I fully understand that lots of people think it's fun, and that sex without a little slapping or nipping or hair-pulling is just not sexy. I don't think it's wrong, I just think it's Not For Me. To the point where I'd feel incompatible with a partner who I knew needed it as a regular part of sexual fulfillment—I always feel like I was doing sex wrong, for them. And that's what I think about this letter: they're incompatible, why not just break up? — Agony

Regarding Thanks For Your Help, the woman whose newly submissive, dish-doing, laundry-folding husband wanted a "maintenance spanking" once in a while...

Clearly this is a reflection on me and not on the LW, who sounds lovely, but sometimes I'm baffled at these "I have the best problem ever HELP ME" letters. Fuck, I need a cold shower after reading this, dreaming wistfully of maybe someday having this problem. Life is such a rich tapestry.

I recently took a call from a woman who was approached outside a store by a trans woman on a pink scooter who wanted to pay for the privilege of licking my caller's feet.

Hey, Dan! Longtime listener and huge fan of the show! I just came across the above video on my feed and instantly thought of the call on Episode 705 where a woman called in regarding a similar situation & asked for your take on etiquette. I just re-listened to her call because I have a lot more time on my hands these days and the similarities are eerily similar—the blanket, removing socks, scooter, etc. Either this is more of a common occurrence than you or I ever realized or it's the same individual? Either way, this video was taken and shared. The girl seems to be laughing in the video but seems uncomfortable. Maybe, like your caller, she felt like she had to be polite, say yes, and give the individual in pink the benefit of the doubt? I can't help but wonder if this reaction was encouraging to the individual and if they'll continue to confront strangers, during a pandemic, in public spaces, with these requests. Anyway, I thought I'd send it your way.

I'm pretty sure the person in pink licking Julia's feet is the same individual who approached my caller about licking hers. Frankly, based on the details my caller shared, I think the person in pink is a creep. (I'm avoiding gendered pronouns here because I don't know how the person in pink identifies and that alone proves I'm a more considerate person than both the person in pink and the person who posted this video to Instagram.) While I can't say for sure there's only one person zooming around major cities on a pink scooter in midriff-bearing pink tops asking women if they can lick their feet, I certainly and very sincerely hope there isn't more than one of them out there.

Regarding that boy who may or may not be bad at sex...

You said this in your most recent column response to CUNT, a woman whose boyfriend is "working with a psychotherapist who told him some people are just not good at sex and he should just accept that he’s one of those people." Maybe he should accept that but there's no reason that can't change. Does his partner think he's bad at sex? Was he bad at sex before this new stressful period? If it's stress, perhaps meditation or a long hot bath or something similar would help. If the sex has always been bad, how is the communication in the relationship? Maybe both of them should spend some time talking about what they want during sex.

About something I said...

Sky Daddy! I lost my shit when you said that. That was so fucking hilarious. I feel like maybe you've coined another term! Thanks for the laugh!

I don't know if I'm the first person to call God "Sky Daddy" but I'm happy to take the credit if it catches on. Hope you find your shit again soon!

And finally...

Okay, we're going to leave it there! I hope everyone has a great weekend! Stay safe!

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Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.